Текст книги "Never Too Far"

Автор книги: Abbi Glines

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“It’s twice as much… or, at least, Bethy thinks it is twice as much as her last place. It is actually four times as much as her last place. I swore Woods to secrecy. I’m paying the other portion without her knowing. Anyway. She, uh… she… took off to Alabama today. She loves the condo. She wants to live on the club property and on the beach. But the only person she would even consider having as a roommate is… Blaire.”

I stood up. I couldn’t sit.

“Whoa man… sit down.” Grant jumped up and I waved him off.

“I’m not mad. I just need to breathe,” I said, staring out the glass doors at the waves crashing against the shore. Bethy had gone to get Blaire. My heart was racing. Would she come?

“I know the two of you had a bad end. I asked her not to but she got real mad and I don’t like to upset her. She said she missed Blaire and that Blaire needed someone. She, uh, also talked to Woods about giving Blaire back her job if she can get Blaire to come back.”

Blaire.Coming back…

She wouldn’t come back. She hated me. She hated Nan. She hated my mom. She hated her father. She wouldn’t come back here… but God, I wanted her to. I turned my head and looked at Jace.

“She won’t come back,” I said. The pain in my voice was undeniable. I didn’t care about hiding it. Not anymore.

Jace shrugged.

“She may have had enough time to deal with things. What if she does come back? What will you do?” Grant asked me.

What would I do?

I’d beg.

Blaire

Bethy pulled Jace’s car into the parking lot of the Dairy K. I noticed Callie’s little blue Volkswagen and decided against getting out of the car. I’d only seen Callie twice since I returned and she’d been ready to claw my eyes out. She’d had her sights on Cain since high school. I’d come home and messed up whatever kind of relationship they’d finally managed to have. I hadn’t meant to. She could have Cain.

Bethy started to get out of the car and I grabbed her arm. “Let’s just talk in the car,” I said, stopping her.

“But I want some ice cream mixed with Oreos,” she complained.

“I can’t talk in there. I know too many people,” I explained.

Bethy sighed and leaned back in her seat. “Okay fine. My ass doesn’t need any ice cream and cookies anyway.”

I smiled and relaxed, thankful for the dark tinted windows. Knowing I wasn’t on display as people stopped and stared at Jace’s car. No one around here drove cars even close to this one’s league.

“I’m not gonna beat around the bush with this, Blaire. I miss you. I’ve never had a close girlfriend before. Ever. Then you came along and then you left. I hate you being gone. Work sucks without you there. I have no one to tell about my sex life with Jace and how sweet he’s being which is something I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t listened to you. I just miss you.”

I felt tears sting my eyes. Just being missed felt good. I missed her too. I missed a lot of things. “I miss you too,” I replied, hoping I didn’t get all weepy.

Bethy nodded and a smile tugged on her lips. “Okay good. Because I need you to come back and live with me.Jace got me a waterfront condo on the club’s property. I, however, refuse to let him pay for it. So I need a roommate. Please come back. I need you. And Woods said you’d have your job back immediately.”

Go back to Rosemary? Where Rush was… and Nan… and my dad. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t see them. They’d be at the club. Would my dad take Nan to play golf? Could I see that? No. I couldn’t. It would be too much.

“I can’t,” I choked out. I wished I could. I didn’t know where I was going to go now that I knew I was pregnant but I couldn’t go to Rosemary and I couldn’t stay here.

“Please, Blaire. He misses you too. He never leaves his house. Jace said he’s pitiful.”

The angry wound in my chest flared to life. Knowing Rush was hurting too was hard. I’d imagined him having his house parties and moving on. I didn’t want him to still be sad. I just needed for us to move on. But maybe I never would. I’d always have a reminder of Rush.

“I can’t see them. Any of them. It would be too hard,” I stopped. I couldn’t tell Bethy about my pregnancy. I had hardly had time to comprehend it. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. I might never tell anyone other than Cain. I would be leaving here soon enough. Where I went I wouldn’t know anyone. I’d be starting over.

“Your… uh Dad and Georgianna aren’t there. They left. Nan is but she is quieter now. I think she’s worried about Rush. It would be hard at first but after you ripped the bandage off you’d get over them. Over everything. Besides, the way Woods’ eyes lit up when I mentioned you coming back you could distract yourself with him. He is more than interested.”

I didn’t want Woods. And nothing would distract me. Bethy didn’t know everything. I couldn’t tell her that either. Not today.

“As much as I want to… I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

I was sorry. Moving in with Bethy and getting my job back at the club would be the answer to my problems, almost.

Bethy let out a frustrated sigh and laid her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. “Okay. I get it. I don’t like it but I get it.”

I reached over and squeezed her hand tightly. I wished things were different. If Rush were just some guy I had broken up with it would be. But he wasn’t. He never would be. He was more. Much more than she could understand.

Bethy squeezed my hand back. “I’m going to let this go for today. But I’m not looking for another roommate right away. I’m giving you a week to think about this. Then I have to find someone to help me pay the bills. So will you? Think about it?”

I nodded because I knew that was what she needed even if I knew her waiting was pointless.

“Good. I’ll just go home and pray if God even remembers who the hell I am.” She winked at me and then reached across the seat to hug me.

“Eat some food for me, okay? You’re getting too skinny,” she said.

“Okay,” I replied, wondering if that were going to be possible.

Bethy sat back. “Well, if you aren’t gonna pack up and head back to Rosemary with me then at least let’s go out. I need to stay the night before I do that drive again. We can go find some fun somewhere and then crash at a hotel.”

I nodded. “Yes. That sounds good. Just no honky‑tonks.” I couldn’t walk into another one of those. At least not this soon.

Bethy frowned. “Okay… but is there anything else in this state?”

She had a point. “Yeah… we can drive into Birmingham. It’s the closest big city.”

“Perfect. Let’s go have some fun.”

When we pulled into the driveway at Granny Q’s she was sitting outside on the porch shelling peas. I didn’t want to face her but she had given me a roof over my head for three weeks with no strings attached. She deserved an explanation if she wanted one. I wasn’t sure Cain had told her anything. His truck wasn’t here and I was immensely grateful.

“Want me to stay in the car?” Bethy asked. It would be easier if she did but Granny Q would see her and call me out for being rude if I didn’t let my friend come inside.

“You can come with me,” I told her and opened the car door.

Bethy walked around the front of the car and fell into step beside me. Granny Q hadn’t looked up from her peas yet but I knew she’d heard us. She was thinking about what she was going to say. Cain must have told her. Dang it.

I looked over at her as she continued to shell those peas in silence. Her short white bobbed hair was all I could see of her. No eye contact. It would be so much easier to just go inside and take advantage of her not speaking to me. But this was her home. If she didn’t want me here I needed to pack up and leave.

“Hey, Granny Q,” I said and stopped, waiting for her to lift her head to look at me.

Silence. She was upset with me. Disappointed or mad; I wasn’t sure which. I hated Cain right now for telling her. Couldn’t he keep his mouth shut?

“This is my friend Bethy. She came to visit me today,” I continued.

Granny Q finally raised her head and gave Bethy a smile then turned her eyes on me. “You take her on in and fix her a nice big glass of iced tea and give her one of them fried pies I got cooling on the table. Then you come on back out here and talk to me a minute, hmmm.” This wasn’t a request; it was a subtle demand. I nodded and led Bethy inside.

“Did you piss off the old lady?” Bethy whispered when we were safely inside.

I shrugged. I wasn’t sure. “Don’t know just yet,” I replied.

I went to the cabinet and got a tall glass down and went to fixing Bethy a glass of iced tea. I didn’t even ask her if she wanted it. I was just trying to do what Granny Q had said.

“Here. Drink this and eat a fried pie. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said and hurried back outside. I needed to get this over with.

Blaire

The wooden planks cracked under my feet as I stepped back onto the front porch of Granny Q’s house. I let the screen door close behind me with a loud bang before remembering it was old and its springs were long ago rusted. I’d spent many days of my childhood on this front porch shelling peas with Cain and Granny Q. I didn’t want her upset with me. My stomach twisted.

“Sit down girl and stop looking like you’re ready to cry. God knows I love ya like you’re my own. Thought you would be one day.” She shook her head. “Stupid boy couldn’t get it together. I hoped he’d wake up ‘fore it was too late. But he didn’t, did he? You done gone and found ya someone else.”

This had not been what I was expecting. I took the seat across from her and began shelling peas so I wouldn’t have to look at her. “Cain and I were over three years ago. Nothing that is happening now is affecting that. He is my friend, that’s all.”

Granny Q made ahmph sound and shifted in the porch swing she was sitting in. “I don’t believe that. You two wereinseparable as kids. Even as a boy he couldn’t keep his eyes off you. It was funny to watch how much he adored you and didn’t even realize it himself. But boys hit them teenage years and lose their ever loving minds. I hate he did. I hate he lost you, girl. ‘Cause there won’t be another Blaire for Cain. You were it for him.”

She hadn’t mentioned my pregnancy tests. Did she even know I’d bought them? I didn’t want to recap my past with Cain. Sure we had history but there was so much sadness and regret that I didn’t want to go there. I’d been living in a lie my father had constructed then. Remembering it hurt. “Has Cain come by here today?” I asked.

“Yeah. He came by this morning looking for ya. I told him you’d not come back home from your early escape. He looked worried and turned and left without telling me anythin’ else. He’d been crying though. Don’t reckon I’ve ever seen him cry before. Least not since he was a boy.”

He’d been crying? I closed my eyes and dropped the peas into the large plastic bucket Granny Q was using. Cain wasn’t supposed to be upset. He wasn’t supposed to cry. He’d let me go a long time ago. Why was this so hard on him? “How long ago was that?” I asked, thinking about the hours that had passed since I’d bared my soul to him in the parking lot of the pharmacy.

“Ah, ‘bout nine hours ago I’d guess. It was early. He was a mess, girl. At least go find him and talk to him. No matter how you feel about him now he needs to hear from you that things are okay.”

I nodded. “Can I use your phone?” I asked, standing up.

“Of course you can. Eat you one of them fried pies while you’re in there. I made enough for an army after he ran off this morning. They’re his favorite flavor,” she said.

“Cherry,” I replied and she gave me a smile. I could see so many things in those eyes of hers. I knew Cain. Nothing about him surprised me. I understood him. We had a past. I loved his family and they obviously loved me too. This was safe.

Bethy was standing on the other side of the door sipping her glass of sweet tea and holding her phone out to me. She’d been listening. I wasn’t surprised.

“Call the boy. Get this over with,” she said.

I took her phone and walked into the living room to give myself some privacy before dialing Cain’s number. I knew it by heart. He’d had the same number since he got his first cell phone when we were sixteen.

“Hello,” came his reply. I could hear the hesitation in his voice. Something was off. He sounded like he was talking through his nose.

“Cain? Are you okay?” I asked suddenly worried about him.

There was a pause then a long sigh. “Blaire. Yeah… I’m fine.”

“Where are you?”

He cleared his throat. “I, uh… I’m in Rosemary Beach.”

He was in Rosemary? What? I sank down on the sofa behind me and gripped the phone tighter. Was he telling Rush? My heart slammed against my chest and I closed my eyes tightly before asking, “Why are in you in Rosemary? Please tell me you didn’t…” I couldn’t say it. Not with Bethy in the other room and more than likely listening to me.

“I needed to see his face. I needed to see if he loved you. I needed to know… because, I just needed to know.” That made no sense.

“What did you say to him? How did you find him? Did you find him?” Maybe he hadn’t found him. Maybe I could stop this.

There was a hard chuckle on the other end of the line. “Yeah, I found him alright. Ain’t real hard. This place is small and everyone knows where the rock star’s son lives.”

Oh god, oh god, oh god... “What did you say to him?” I asked slowly as horror washed over me.

“I didn’t tell him. I wouldn’t do that to you. Give me some damn credit. I cheated on you because I was a horny ass teenage boy but dammit Blaire when are you gonna forgive me? Will I pay for that mistake the rest of my life? I’m sorry! GOD I’m so fuckingsorry. I would go back and change everything if I could.” He stopped and made a grunt that sounded like he was hurting.

“Cain. What’s wrong with you? Are you okay?” I asked. I didn’t want to acknowledge what he’d said. I knew he was sorry. I was too. But no, I was never going to get over it. Forgiving was one thing. Forgetting was another.

“I’m fine. I’m just a little battered. Let’s just say the guy isn’t crazy about me, okay.”

The guy. Rush? Had Rush hurt him? That didn’t sound like Rush at all. “What guy?”

Cain sighed, “Rush.”

My jaw fell open as I stared straight ahead. Rush had hurt Cain? “I don’t understand.”

“It’s okay. I got a room for the night and I’m sleeping this off. I’ll be home tomorrow. We have some things to talk about.”

“Cain. Why did Rush hurt you?”

Another pause and then a weary sigh. “Because I asked questions that he didn’t think were my business. I’ll be home tomorrow.”

He asked questions. What kind of questions?

“Blaire, you don’t have to tell him. I’ll take care of you. Just… we need to talk.”

He’d take care of me? What was he talking about? I wasn’t going to let him take care of me. “Where are you exactly?” I asked.

“Some hotel just outside of Rosemary. They think their shit don’t stink in that town. Everything there costs five times too much.”

“Okay. Stay in bed and I’ll see you tomorrow.” I replied then hung up.

Bethy stepped into the room. She cocked one of her dark eyebrows as she stared at me waiting. She’d been listening. I’dknown she would.

“I need a ride to Rosemary,” I told her standing up. I couldn’t let Cain lay hurt in a hotel room and I couldn’t chance that he’d go back and try to talk to Rush again. If Bethy could drive me there I could check on him and then drive him home.

Bethy nodded and a small smile tugged on her lips. I could tell she didn’t want me to see how happy she was to hear this. I wasn’t staying. She didn’t need to get her hopes up. “This is just about Cain. I’m not… I can’t stay there.”

She didn’t appear to believe me. “Sure. I know.”

I wasn’t in the mood to convince her. I handed her the phone and headed back to my temporary bedroom to pack some things.

Rush

Grant had finally given up on me and gone to dance with one of the girls who had been flirting with us since we walked into the club. He’d come here for some fun and I’d needed the distraction but now that I was here I just wanted to leave. Taking a drink of my beer I tried not to make eye contact with anyone. I kept my head down and a scowl on my face. It wasn’t hard to do.

Jace’s words kept replaying in my head. I was scared… No; I was terrified to let myself believe that she’d come back here. I’d seen her face that night in the hotel room. She was empty. The emotion in her eyes was gone. She had been finished‑ with me, with her father, with everything. Love was cruel. So fucking cruel.

The bar stool beside me scraped across the floor as it was moved back. I didn’t look over at it. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me.

“Please tell me that ugly scowl on your pretty face isn’t over a girl. You might break my heart.” The smooth female voice was familiar.

I tilted my head to the side just enough to see her face. Although she was older now I recognized her immediately. There are some things a guy doesn’t forget in life and the girl who takes his virginity is one of them. Meg Carter. She’d been three years older than me and visiting her grandmother the summer I turned fourteen. It hadn’t been a love connection. More like a life lesson.

“Meg,” I replied, relieved it wasn’t another unknown female here to throw herself at me.

“And he remembers my name. I’m impressed,” she replied then looked up at the bartender and smiled. “Jack and Coke please.”

“Guy doesn’t forget his first.”

She shifted on her stool, crossing her legs and tilting her head to look at me causing her long dark hair to fall over one shoulder. She still wore it long. I’d been fascinated with it back then.

“Most guys don’t but you’ve led a different life compared to most guys. The fame has to have changed you over the years.”

“My dad’s famous not me,” I snapped, hating it when females wanted to talk about something they knew nothing about. Meg and I had fucked a few times but she didn’t really know much about me back then.

“Hmmm, whatever. So, why you so glum?”

I wasn’t glum. I was a broken mess. But she wasn’t someone I intended to unload on. “I’m good,” I replied and glanced back at the dance floor hoping to catch Grant’s attention. I was ready to go.

“You look like you’ve got a broken heart from hell and don’t know what to do with it,” she said reaching for her Jack and Coke.

“I’m not gonna talk to you about my personal life, Meg.” I let the warning edge in my voice ring through loud and clear.

“Whoa there, handsome. I wasn’t trying to piss you off. Just making small talk.”

My personal life wasn’t small talk. “Then ask me about the fucking weather,” I said with a snarl.

She didn’t respond and I was glad. Maybe she’d move on. Leave me alone.

“I’m in town taking care of my Grans. She’s sick and I needed something new to do with my life. I just went through a messy divorce. A change of scenery from Chicago was what I needed. I’ll be here for at least six months. Do you think you’ll be ornery the entire time I’m here or are you gonna get nicer anytime in the near future?”

She wanted to see me. No. I wasn’t ready for that. I started to reply when my phone alerted me of a text message. Relieved to have an interruption so I could think about how I was going to respond to her I pulled it out of my pocket.

The number wasn’t one I recognized. But the “Hey It’s Bethy” caught my attention and I stopped breathing as I opened the text to read the entire thing.

Hey it’s Bethy. If you aren’t a stupid fuck then you’ll wake up and get with the program.

What the hell did that mean? What was I missing? Was Blaire in Rosemary? Is that what this meant?I stood up and put enough money on the bar to cover my beer and Meg’s drink. “I gotta go. It was nice to see you. Take care,” I said as an after thought as I stalked through the crowd until I found Grant having dry humping on the dance floor with some redhead.

His eyes met mine and I nodded at the door. “Now,” I said and turned to head outside. I was leaving him here if he hadn’t caught up with me by the time I reached my Range Rover. She could be here. I was going to find out. Asking Bethy what she meant by that jacked up text was pointless.

Blaire

I reached over and nudged Bethy’s leg to wake her up. She’d been asleep for the past two hours. We were just outside of Rosemary Beach and I needed her to drive so I could look for Cain’s truck at all the inexpensive motels.

“We there?” she mumbled sleepily and sat up in her seat.

“Almost. I need you to drive. I gotta look for Cain’s truck.”

Bethy let out a weary sigh. I knew she was only doing this in hopes of getting me to Rosemary and keeping me there. She could care less about finding Cain. But I’d needed a ride. I was going to drive Cain home. And he and I were going to talk. He had no business coming out here to see Rush. I only hoped he hadn’t told him about what he’d caught me buying.

It wasn’t that I wanted to keep it a secret from Rush. It was just that I hadn’t let everything sink in yet. I needed to process it. Figure out what I wanted to do. Then I’d contact Rush. Cain going after him like a crazy person was not what I wanted. I still couldn’t believe he’d done it.

“Pull over here. I need to run in and grab me a latte first,” Bethy instructed. I did as she asked and parked the car in front of Starbucks.

“You want something?” Bethy asked as she opened the door. I wasn’t sure that caffeine was good for the… for the baby. I shook my head and waited until she got out of the car before I let out the sob in my chest I hadn’t been expecting. I hadn’t thought about what those two pink stripes meant. A baby. Rush’s baby. Oh, God.

I stepped out of the car and walked around the front to get into the passenger side. By the time I was back in the car and buckled up Bethy was headed back to the car. She looked a little more awake already. I pushed thoughts of my baby back and focused on finding Cain. I could dwell on my future, on my baby’s future later.

“Okay. I have caffeine. I’m ready to find this dude.”

I didn’t correct her. I knew she knew his name by now. I’d used it several times. She was just refusing to acknowledge it. This was her form of rebellion. Cain represented Sumit and she didn’t want me in Sumit. Instead of aggravating me it warmed me. She wanted me with her and it felt nice.

“He left Rosemary because of the price of hotel rooms. So, he’s somewhere affordable. Can you take me to a few of those?” I asked.

She nodded but she didn’t look at me. She was texting. Great. I needed her to focus and she was more than likely telling Jace we were almost there. I didn’t really want Jace to know anything.

We drove around for thirty minutes with me checking parking lots at all of the cheap motels in town. This was getting frustrating. He had to be here somewhere. “Can I use your phone? I’m gonna call him again and let him know I’m here looking for him. He’ll tell me where he is when he knows I’ve driven all this way.”

Bethy handed me her phone and I quickly dialed Cain’s number. It rang twice.

“Hello?”

“Cain. It’s me. Where are you? I’m just outside of Rosemary and I can’t find your truck anywhere.”

There was silence, then “Dammit.”

“Don’t get all mad. I needed to check on you. I came out here to drive you home.” I knew he’d be frustrated that I came this close to Rosemary again.

“I told you I’d be home once I slept it off, Blaire. Whycouldn’t you have stayed put?” The aggravation in his voice annoyed me. You would think he wasn’t happy I’d come to check on him.

“Where are you, Cain?” I asked again. Then I heard it. A female voice in the background. The phone became muffled. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Cain was with a female and he was trying to hide it from me. This pissed me off. Not because I thought Cain and I had a chance but because he’d let me think he was hurt and alone in a strange city. Asshole.

“Listen. I don’t have time for more of your stupid ass games, Cain. I’ve been there, done that. Next time, could you not make it sound like you need me when it’s obvious you don’t.”

“Blaire, no. Listen to me. It isn’t what you think. I couldn’t sleep after you called so I got back in the truck and headed back home. I wanted to see you.”

A girl’s angry scream came from the other side of the phone. He was pissing off whoeverwas with him. The boy was an idiot.

“Go make your company feel better. I don’t need an explanation. I don’t need anything from you. I never did.”

“BLAIRE! NO! I love you, baby. I love you so much. Please listen to me,” he begged and the girl with him got more hysterical. “Shut up Callie!” he roared and I knew then he was back in Sumit. He was with Callie.

“You went to Callie? You came home so I wouldn’t worry and went to see Callie? You’re ridiculous, Cain. For real? This doesn’t hurt me. You can’t hurt me anymore. But stop and think about others’ feelings for a change. You keep jerking Callie around and it’s wrong. Stop thinking with your penis and grow up.”

I pressed end and handed Bethy back her phone. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. “He went back to Sumit,” I said in way of explanation.

“Yeah… I got that part,” Bethy said slowly. She was waiting for more. She deserved more. She’d brought me back here. She was also the only real friend I had. Cain wasn’t a friend. Not really. A real friend wouldn’t keep doing stupid stuff like he did.

“Can I sleep at your place tonight? I don’t think I’m going back there. I was leaving soon anyway. I’ll figure out where I’m going tomorrow and then when I get there I’ll have Granny Q ship the rest of my things. It isn’t like I have that much anyway. My truck is headed to the graveyard. It would never make the trip again.”

Bethy nodded and cranked up the car then pulled out onto the road. “You can stay with me as long as you need. Or longer,” she replied.

“Thank you,” I said before laying my head back on the seat and taking a deep breath. What was I going to do now?

The smell of bacon got thicker and thicker the more I inhaled. It was as if bacon was taking over my senses. My throat constricted. My stomach rolled from the rich smell of it. The grease sizzled somewhere in the distance. Before I could completely get my eyes open my feet were on the floor and I was running to the bathroom.

Luckily Bethy’s apartment wasn’t big and I didn’t have far to run.

“Blaire?” Bethy’s voice called from the kitchen but I couldn’t stop.

Dropping to my knees in front of the toilet I gripped the porcelain seat with both hands and began throwing up everything in my stomach until nothing but dry heaves wracked my body. Everytime I thought I was finished I’d smell the bacon grease mixed with my vomit and it would begin again.

I was so weak my body trembled as I tried to vomit and nothing else would come up. A cold washcloth was in my face and Bethy was standing over me flushing the toilet and then leaning me back against the wall.

I held the cloth over my nose to block out the smell. Bethy noticed and closed the bathroom door behind her. After she turned on the fan she put her hands on her hips and stared down at me. The disbelief on her face confused me. I got sick. What was so strange about that?

“Bacon? The smell of bacon made you hurl?” She shook her head, still staring at me as if she couldn’t believe it. “And you weren’t gonna tell me, were you? You were just gonna put your crazy ass on some damn bus and ride away. All by yourself. I can’t believe you, Blaire. What happened to the smart girl that taught me not to let a man use me? Hmmm? Where the hell did she go? ‘Cause your plan here sucks.Like bad. You can’t just run off. You have friends here. You’re gonna need friends… and I’d hope that you intended to tell Rush about this too. I know you well enough to know that this is his baby.”

How did she know? I just threw up. Lots of people get viruses. “It’s a virus,” I muttered.

“Don’t lie to me. It was the bacon, Blaire. You were sleeping so peacefully on the couch and the minute I started cooking the bacon you started making weird noises and tossing and turning. Then you shot off like a bullet to puke your guts out. Not rocket science baby. Get that shocked look off your face.”

I couldn’t lie to her. She was my friend. Possibly my only one now. I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. This was my way of holding myself together. When I felt like the world was breaking around me and I couldn’t control it I always held together this way.

“That’s why Cain came here. He caught me buying pregnancy tests yesterday. I know that’s why he came here. To ask Rush… to ask about the relationship between Rush and me.It’s something I refused to talk to Cain about. I didn’t want to talk about Rush at all. Then I was late. Two weeks late. I thought I’d buy a couple of tests and it would come back negative and everything would be okay.” I stopped my explanation and rested my cheek against my knees.

“The tests… they were positive?” Bethy asked.

I nodded but didn’t look up at her.

“Were you gonna tell Rush? Or were you really gonna just run off?”

What would Rush do? His sister hated me. His mother hated me. They hated my mother. And I hated my father. For Rush to be a part of this baby’s life he’d have to give them up. I couldn’t ask him to give up his mom and sister. Even if they were evil. He loved them. And he wouldn’t give up Nan. I’d already learned that when it came to me or Nan, he’d choose Nan. He had up until the end. When I’d found out everything. He’d kept her secret. He’d chosen her.

“I can’t tell him,” I said quietly.

“Why is that exactly? Because he’d want to know and his ass needs to be a man and be there for you. This running off shit is stupid.”

She didn’t know everything. She only knew bits and pieces. It had been Nan’s story to tell and no one else’s in Rush’s eyes. But I disagreed. It was my story too. Nan still had both her parents and her brother. I had no one. My mother was dead. My sister was dead. And my father might as well be dead. So this story was just as much mine as it was hers. Maybe more so.

I lifted my head and looked up at Bethy. She was my one friend in the world and if I was going to tell this story then she was who I wanted to tell it to.

Rush

It had been three weeks, four days and twelve hours since I’d seen her. Since she’d torn my heart out. If I had been drinking, I’d blame it on the alcohol. It had to be an illusion, a desperate one. But I hadn’t been drinking. Not a drop. There was no mistaking Blaire. It was her. She was actually here.Blaire was back in Rosemary. She was at my house.