Текст книги "Reclaiming the Sand"

Автор книги: A. Meredith Walters

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

Flynn

Many years ago…

I didn’t talk to Ellie anymore.

I still saw her every day at school. She didn’t turn around to say hi in English. She ignored me when I said I liked her hair. It wasn’t colored now. It was yellow. I liked it yellow. It made her look really pretty.

I told her that but she ignored me. It made me mad. I threw my pencil at her and it hit her in the head. She kept it. I yelled at her to give me my pencil back.

Mr. Goodwin made me leave. He said I was distracting the class. I knocked over a trashcan and had to go sit in the principal’s office. They called my mom. She was sad.

I told her Ellie wasn’t my friend anymore.

She hugged me. I didn’t like it when she hugged me.

I liked it when Ellie hugged me.

But she wouldn’t hug me now.

She was mean. She called me Freaky Flynn again. And she never gave me my birthday present. She said she got me something special. But she never gave it to me.

I tried to ask her where my present was. She pushed me hard. It hurt. I hit a locker and it made me mad. I yelled at her and called her a bitch. I threw my book bag at her.

She didn’t laugh this time. She picked up my book bag and handed it to me.

Her mouth had done that funny thing again.

I walked home alone now. I walked for eighteen minutes. To the red barn. Then to the stream with the four rocks. To the purple mailbox and then to the wooden bridge.

“Flynn,” I didn’t like people coming out of the trees when I couldn’t see them.

“Don’t do that!” I yelled.

Ellie handed me a gift.

“It was for your birthday,” she said. I took it. I liked gifts.

I opened the paper. It was an Aqua Teen Hunger Force notebook.

“For you to draw in. And you know, because you like that show. Even if it is weird.”

She was smiling but I didn’t like it.

She had been mean to me today. Now she was giving me a birthday present.

“Are you my friend again?” I asked, folding the wrapping paper into a square and putting it in my pocket.

“No,” Ellie said and I didn’t understand. She just gave me a present. Friends give each other presents. She gave me a notebook. It was smooth and I liked to rub it with my finger.

“We’re not friends, Flynn. I’m sorry about the way I treat you. I’m sorry for being mean. But I’m not going to hang out with you anymore. I won’t walk you home. And you can’t talk to me in school.”

Her words made my stomach hurt.

“You gave me a present,” I said, holding the notebook out for her to see.

Ellie frowned. Was she mad?

“I got it for you; I wanted you to have it. That’s it, Flynn,” she said.

“That’s it,” I said. Ellie put her hands over her face. Why was she doing that?

What was wrong with her?

“We’re not friends, Flynn!” she yelled at me. I covered my ears. She was being really loud. Why was she being so loud?

“Stop it!” I yelled back.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie said. Her face was wet. She was crying. Mom had told me that meant someone was sad.

“Why are you sad?” I asked her, pointing to her wet face.

“I’m not sad! Don’t be a retard!”

That made me angry.

“I’m not retarded!”

Ellie wiped her face. It was still wet.

“Go home, Flynn. And don’t talk to me ever again,” Ellie said.

I threw my birthday present in the stream and ran all the way home. I didn’t even look at the minutes on my watch.

-Ellie-

I went to find Flynn after our run in with Dania. I had been rattled to say the least. I found him at home, playing with Murphy in the yard.

He wouldn’t talk to me at first.

I apologized over and over again, not even sure he was hearing me.

“You made up that name? Freaky Flynn?” he asked me finally after I had been near tears.

“Yes,” I admitted. It was the one thing I could come clean about.

“I hate that name. It makes me really mad. And you made it up. You told them to call me that.” Flynn threw the ball for Murphy, who was oblivious to the tension between the two humans in his life.

“I know you do, Flynn. I’m so sorry.”

“That’s a mean name. You’re a mean person,” he said flatly. Unemotionally. No feeling whatsoever. He was telling me the absolute and total truth.

“Yes, I am,” I agreed, my chest feeling painfully tight.

“My name isn’t Freaky Flynn. It’s just Flynn. Flynn Hendrick. I live at 16 Hollow Point Road, Wellsburg, West Virginia 22098. I’m five foot eleven and weigh one hundred and seventy-four pounds. I am not Freaky Flynn!” His voice rose the more upset he became.

Murphy dropped the ball at Flynn’s feet and he kicked it across the yard.

“I know you’re not Freaky Flynn! I’m so sorry I ever made it up! I was a mean, stupid girl! I was too scared to admit how I felt about you. That’s all! But I was wrong! So wrong! I love you Flynn!” I cried out.

Crap! I hadn’t meant to say that! Not now. Not like this.

Flynn was shaking his head back and forth. He was pulling at his hair so hard I thought he’d pull out chunks. “No, I’m not Freaky Flynn!” he yelled again.

He hadn’t even registered the huge admission I had just made.

I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed.

Murphy started to whine, picking up on his owner’s state of mind.

“You’re not Freaky Flynn!” I yelled, feeling myself getting worked up as well.

“You always called me names! You always made me feel bad, Ellie! I wanted you to be my friend. I wanted you to like me!” His voice rose and he had started to cry.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I was afraid anything I said or did would only set him off further. I had seen him like this before of course, when we were both much younger.

But then I hadn’t cared about calming him down. I had laughed and teased and tormented. I had milked his freak out for everything it was worth.

Not now. Now I just felt helpless.

I was the worst person to talk him off whatever ledge he was hanging over. I knew these outbursts were just a part of who he was. But they scared me.

“I’m not Freaky Flynn!” he screamed over and over again. He was rubbing his hands together. Up and down his arms. He rubbed harshly and systematically over and over again.

I took a deep breath. I needed to get myself under control.

I closed my eyes while he yelled. Murphy was pacing in circles now, clearly distressed.

I slowly, so as to not upset him further, walked toward Murphy. I made a point to keep a healthy distance from Flynn, who was still rubbing his hands together. Murphy was whining and pacing by the apple tree. I leaned down and started rubbing Murphy’s head in long, even strokes. “It’s okay, boy,” I said calmly. The act of rubbing his thick, silky fur relaxed me. Even as Flynn raged behind me.

I kept rubbing the dog, keeping up a steady stream of soothing words. Murphy stopped pacing and settled on the ground, his tail wagging.

“That’s it, calm down,” I said softly. The words were just as much for me as for the dog. I realized Flynn had quieted down. I looked back and saw that he was still rubbing his hands but he wasn’t yelling anymore. He was watching me pet his dog.

“You’re a good boy,” I crooned to the dog as he nuzzled my hand.

I stayed like that for almost twenty minutes. Petting Murphy and waiting to see what Flynn would do. He continued to rub his hands the whole time.

Finally he came over and knelt down beside me, putting his hand on Murphy’s head.

I watched as Flynn visibly relaxed while he rubbed Murphy. I let out a breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding.

We were quiet for a long time; the only noise was that of Murphy’s panting and thumping tail

“Do you want to sit down?” I asked as I lowered myself onto the ground.

Flynn still didn’t answer me but he sat down beside me. We were silent again. My back was getting stiff but I wouldn’t move away from him. I wouldn’t retreat. I would be here for Flynn. Even if it was just sitting beside him while he rubbed Murphy.

A few moments later, he put his hand down on my leg. The simple touch almost reduced me to tears.

He had forgiven me. Even if he couldn’t say the words.

I loved this man. So much. But how many times would our destructive history derail the future we were attempting to build? Was it possible for two people who had hurt each other so badly be happy together?

I hoped so. Because I couldn’t imagine my life without Flynn Hendrick.

Somehow, someway, we were going to have to find a way to not only forgive each other, but to forgive our past.

If that was even possible.

After Flynn had settled, he had gone into the house, leaving me outside. I hadn’t followed him, figuring he needed his space and the last thing I wanted to do was crowd him.

So I had stayed outside with Murphy for almost an hour. When I went inside the house, I found Flynn asleep in his room. I hadn’t disturbed him. But I hadn’t left either.

I slept on the couch that night, just wanting to be close to him even if I didn’t know how.

The next few days were a bit strained but we eventually fell back into our version of normal. I had rescheduled my meeting with the Continuing Education Coordinator for later in the week. Flynn had gone with me to campus, going off to the art studio while I went over options for the next few years.

I had decided on applying to two schools. One in West Virginia a little over an hour away. The other was my dream school. It had an amazing English department but it was in Maryland. I had never left the state. The thought was terrifying. But I decided to go for it anyway. I had no hopes of getting in but I could at least say I tried.

I was feeling pretty buoyant by the time I was finished. Cathy, the CE Coordinator had been really nice and given me a bunch of brochures to look at.

I found Flynn exactly where I expected him to be. He was bent over a mound of clay in the empty art studio. It was perfectly silent except for the punctuated sounds of his tools as he dropped them on the table before picking up another one.

I wasn’t exactly quiet when I entered the room but Flynn didn’t look up. I wasn’t surprised. He would disappear into whatever he was working on.

I came up behind him and looked over his shoulder and frowned at what I was seeing.

He was molding a miniature Mount Rushmore. I recognized the faces of the presidents as he scrapped and carved into the clay.

“What’s that for?” I asked, sitting down beside him on the bench, careful to give him enough space to work.

Flynn still didn’t work up. He wiped away some of the excess clay and picked up another glob and mashed it to the creation in his hand. Smoothing and rubbing it into shape.

“I sell these,” he said, squinting at the piece of art he was making.

“Really. Just the Mount Rushmores?” I asked him.

He shook his head as he put down the tool in his hand and picked up a small, sharp bladed knife. “I like to make pyramids and Big Bens and The Great Wall of China and Machu Picchu. I find them in books then make them. Then I sell them. My mom helped me set it up. I make a lot of money,” he said succinctly.

I started to laugh. I couldn’t help it.

Flynn frowned. “Stop laughing at me!” he commanded.

I stifled my giggles, knowing how he was interpreting it.

“I’m not laughing at you, Flynn,” I explained.

“You’re laughing. I don’t like it. Stop it,” he said flatly.

“No, I promise. It’s just that I buy these,” I said, pointing at the Mount Rushmore in his hands.

He finally looked up at me.

“You buy my statues?” he asked, looking back at his tiny creation.

“Yeah. I’ve been buying them for over a year now. I have a lot of them. They’re amazing!” I enthused; a little shocked by yet another strange twist of fate.

The universe had been working overtime in throwing us together.

“And you like them?” he asked shyly, resuming his work.

I watched him as he molded the clay until he was happy with the product.

“I love them, Flynn. They’re beautiful. They’re all the places I want to go some day. Maybe we could see them together,” I suggested softly. This was the first time I had been direct in my wishes for our future together.

Flynn was quiet. Not saying a word. He got up and walked over to the kiln, opening the door and putting the sculpture inside.

He closed the door and walked back to the table.

“I want to go to the beach,” he said without preamble.

What?

“You want to go to the beach?” I asked, not sure where this was coming from.

“After my house burned down, my mom and I moved to North Carolina. She took me to see the ocean. I hated it. I hated the sand. I didn’t like the way it felt between my toes. She tried to get me into the water but it was too loud,” he said.

It was my turn to be confused.

“And you want to go again? It doesn’t sound like a very good experience,” I commented.

“Have you ever seen the ocean?” he asked me.

“No. I’ve never left West Virginia,” I confessed.

“I want to see the ocean with you, Ellie.” He spoke without leaving room for argument.

“But it’s loud and the sand gets between your toes,” I reasoned. I didn’t want him to go somewhere he’d be miserable. I knew Flynn well enough by now to know that if he hated it, it would be horrible for him. I didn’t want that…for either of us.

“I want to see the ocean. We’re going,” he stated, cleaning up his workstation.

“Okay then. When are we going?” I asked him, more than a little amused by the way he was taking control. I wasn’t used to this side of him and I kind of liked it.

“It’s two days until Saturday. We can stay for two nights,” he declared and I nodded.

“In two days then. I suppose we’d better figure out where we’re going,” I said, helping him put away his sculpting tools.

“In two days we can go to the beach and see the ocean. We’ll walk on the sand and I won’t cry this time when it gets between my toes,” Flynn smiled.

I laughed.

“You’re not laughing at me this time,” he said, seeming proud of himself for knowing the difference.

“No, I’m not laughing at you. I’m happy. Sometimes you laugh because you feel good,” I explained.

“Going to the beach makes you feel good?” he asked.

“Going anywhere with you makes me feel amazing,” I said.

-Ellie-

We found a hotel on the ocean near Sandbridge Beach, Virginia. It would take us over five hours to get there but Flynn had already started mapping out our journey. He had calculated the mileage and the rest stops along the way.

He planned our vacation completely, down to the colors of the shirts he was going to bring and the types of socks that were the most comfortable for the long car ride.

It was hard to tell if he was looking forward to the trip or not. I was excited. I was beyond ecstatic to be going. I had always dreamed of seeing the ocean. Of digging my toes in sun warmed sand and splashing in the waves. I wasn’t sure how much sea and sand Flynn would actually be up for but I was excited all the same.

I was in town loading up on supplies for our trip when I ran into Reggie. I hadn’t seen anyone from my old group in weeks. Even when I had my shifts at JAC’s no one came in like they normally did. I stopped going by Woolly’s and I didn’t take the occasional drive down to the river where I knew people liked to hang out.

In truth it was pretty sad that once I had stepped away from my old world, not a single person reached out to see where I had gone.

I had made it a point over the years to keep my friendships superficial. Even with Dania, there was only so much I allowed them to see; only so far I’d let them in. Not that they cared.

And that had worked for me. For a long time I was quite content with my seclusion. But now that I had Flynn in my life I realized how lonely I had truly been. How isolated I had allowed myself to be. I had existed, not lived, and there was a very big difference between the two.

Reggie and I had never been close by any means. She was a hanger on. Someone the rest of us tolerated because of what she could do for us. Her dad was a pharmacist and in high school her proximity to prescription meds had come in handy. The guys liked her because she had big boobs and zero inhibitions. She thought nothing of giving a blowjob or spreading her legs so long as they got her drunk first.

Dania detested her even as she used her for rides whenever she needed them. We would make fun of her behind her back and coyly to her face and then pretend we were only joking. We even gave her the nickname TFB, aka Tits for Brains.

We really were horrible people.

“Hey, Ellie!” she said in that overly exuberant way of hers.

“Hey Reggie, how’s it going?” I asked, feeling bad that I was already thinking of ways to conclude this conversation so I could get out of there.

“Ah, you know, a little of this, a little of that. Crazy shit that Stu’s back in the clink huh?” she asked, running her fingers through her greasy hair. Her eyes were a little bloodshot and she seemed twitchier than normal. My guess was she had been face first in a pile of meth not too long ago.

“Yeah, sucks for him,” I agreed, grabbing a bottle of shampoo and putting it in my basket.

“Shane’s having a party tonight. You should come. We haven’t seen you in a long time. Dania’s being a bitch about it too. Says you’re too good for us now that you’re screwing the ‘tard,” Reggie snickered.

I wanted to smack the drugged up grin off her face. Forget feeling bad about the way I treated her. She’s just lucky I never put a boot up her ass.

“You wanna watch how you talk about Flynn? I’d hate to make a scene by ripping that ugly shit you call hair out of your head.” I gave her a syrupy smile and turned back to my shopping, hoping she’d take a hint.

“Shit, I’m sorry, Ells. I didn’t mean anything by it. He’s nice. Really. And he’s cute too. I mean, I wouldn’t want to fuck the dude or anything. Because you know he’s a freak and all. But I’m sure he’s great.” Reggie was rambling and my patience was quickly running out.

“Shut up, Reggie,” I said through clenched teeth.

“Yeah, okay. I will. Um, wow, you’ve got a lot of stuff there. Why all the stuff, Ells?”

Tweakers were so freaking obnoxious.

“Because I’m going away for a few days,” I said, hoping she’d leave me alone.

I shouldn’t have told her the truth because now she wouldn’t shut up.

“You’re going somewhere? Where are you going?”

I sighed, feeling a headache coming on.

“Just going to the beach for a few days. Nothing big,” I was hoping by being uninformative, she’d let it go.

Today was not my lucky day.

“The beach? That’s so cool! I went to the beach once when I was a kid. Dad took us all to the Outer Banks. That’s in North Carolina. Have you ever been to North Carolina? It’s so pretty! I loved it. The ocean was cold because it was September. But it was so much fun. I made the biggest sand castle”

“Okay, thanks for the info, Reggie,” I interrupted her. She was twitchy and rambling and if I let her, she’d go on forever.

“Sure, no problem. So you’re not going to come the party?” she asked, scratching at a spot on the side of her nose.

“Nope, Reg. I’m not. Hope you guys have fun though,” I said, not at all sincerely.

“Oh we will. You know we will. You should have been to the party two nights ago! It was crazy! Dania and Shane almost got arrested! I did so much coke I thought my head would explode. But it was so cool”

“Wait, Dania almost got arrested? What happened?” I cut her off with a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Reggie laughed loudly. A few people looked over in our direction and I saw on their faces exactly what they were thinking.

What a bunch of losers.

I couldn’t believe I was ever okay with being lumped in with them like that. I honestly had always thought that I was just as bad if not worse than the people I associated with. How could I have never wanted more for myself than that?

“She was wasted. I mean waaasted,” she drawled out.

“And?” I prompted, trying to keep an easily distracted Reggie on track.

“And she and Shane wanted more beer. So they broke into JAC’s and got us a few cases. Of course the alarm went off. They almost got caught but they didn’t. It was epic, Ells!”

I hadn’t heard about a break in at JAC’s. But I had started cutting back some on my hours trying to focus more on school. I hadn’t had a shift since the beginning of the week. Still, I had thought I would have heard about something like that.

And what was Dania even thinking? She had been wasted. What else was new? But it wasn’t like her to be that reckless. That had always been my thing, not hers.

“How wasted was she, Reg?” I asked.

Reggie giggled. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her that bad. Some guy from Dale County was there and he had some kick ass shit he was selling. It was grade A stuff, Ells. He seemed to like Dania. They were hooking up for a while.”

“What kind of shit was he selling?” I asked.

“You know meth, weed, pills. The usual. Dania and I split a bump of crank which was killer!”

So now, aside from drinking herself stupid, she could tick hardcore drug usage while six months pregnant off the list. She smoked pot, still smoked half a pack of cigarettes a day and drank like a fish, but I hadn’t seen Dania touch drugs in over a year.

“I can’t believe her!” I growled, throwing the rest of the items I needed into the basket and storming down the aisle towards the cash register.

Reggie hurried after me. “It was fun, Ellie! What’s the big deal?”

I turned on my former friend and unleashed the temper I was known for. I couldn’t help it. I fucking lost it.

“Because she’s pregnant you fucking moron! She has a baby inside in her stomach!” I pointed at Reggie’s stomach for emphasis.

Reggie wasn’t smiling and laughing now. She knew the look on my face all too well and was already backing away in retreat.

“She says the baby’s fine,” Reggie excused and I thought a moment about throwing the bottle of shampoo I was putting on the counter at her dim head.

“Did you not pay attention at all in health class? Drugs will mess you up. They will cause that baby in her belly to have a goddamned arm in the middle of its forehead! Wake up, Reggie! Stop being the stupid slut everyone says you are! Grow a brain!” I seethed.

Reggie frowned and for a minute I felt almost bad. I shouldn’t be yelling at Reggie. She wasn’t the one forcing Dania to make such stupid decisions. She wasn’t the one I was really angry with.

“Dania was right. You have become a bitch,” Reggie spat out and rushed out of the store.

I let out a huge sigh and turned back to the cashier who was now regarding me with wide eyes. She didn’t look a day over sixteen and clearly my outburst had freaked her out.

She quickly rang up my items and practically shoved the bag into my hands. I paid her and tried giving her a reassuring smile. She didn’t return it.

“Thanks,” I said when she handed me the receipt.

She still didn’t say anything and looked like she would pass out with relief when I moved away from the register.

I pulled out my phone and looked down at the time. I had told Flynn I’d be a few hours. Three at the most. He informed me that was one hundred and eighty minutes.

I needed to head over to my apartment and pack a few things but there was something else that I felt I needed to do as well. There was someone that currently needed me whether she realized it or not.

And I couldn’t abandon her. No matter how self-destructive and nasty she could be.

I dialed the familiar number and held my ringing phone to my ear. I wondered whether Dania would bother to answer it when she saw my number.

I was surprised when she picked up after the fourth ring.

“What do you want?” she snarled into the phone. She sounded rough and I recognized the sound of her hangover voice. She was obviously coming down from a bender.

“I want to talk to you. I don’t like leaving things like this.” I said.

“Why? You’ve got better things to do now that you’re fucking the freak. Why don’t you go off and have your little freak babies and leave the rest of us to our loser lives,” she bit out.

I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her.

“You know what, fine. I just thought that our friendship was worth more than that. But clearly, I’m the only one that feels that way,” I snapped.

“That’s so like you, Ellie. Always putting it on everyone else. Of course it’s my fault! Everything is always my fault!” Dania’s voice rose the more upset she became.

I took a deep breath in through my nose and out through my mouth. Who thought those stupid breathing techniques I had learned in therapy all those years ago would finally come in handy.

“Look. Just come over to my apartment. I have some shit to do there and I’d like to see you. I think we both have things that need to be said,” I said, trying to be as placating and reasonable as possible.

Dania snorted and I heard her covering the phone and the sound of muffled murmurs. Then she was back.

“Fine. Craig said he could drop me off there in a few,” she said and hung up.

It hadn’t taken her long to move on from Stu.

I rolled my eyes heavenward, knowing that this was most likely going to be just as horrible as I imagined.

My apartment was a mess but I didn’t have the time or patience to give it the proper clean it needed. I straightened the thin pillows on the couch and washed a few of the dishes that were piled up in the sink.

I went into my bedroom and located the one suitcase I owned at the back of my closet. Julie had gotten it for me when I was a kid. She had wanted me to have something that was mine that I could take with me to a new foster home. At the time I thought it was so pretty. It used to be bright pink with purple polka dots. I remembered the handle had been curved and covered it sparkles. To a seven-year-old girl, it was the coolest thing ever.

Nowadays it was a sad reminder of a horrible childhood. The purple polka dots were long since faded. They were an off colored beige standing out against a barely pink background. The side had split open years ago and I had to staple it shut. The handle had split and I had fixed it with duct tape.

It was used and beat up but it would work. If I planned to go away to school, I’d have to invest in some new luggage. The thought was equal parts exciting and terrifying.

I pulled out some panties and socks and shoved them into the suitcase. I slammed the drawer closed, knocking over several of the tiny sculptures sitting on top. I set them upright and smiled.

Flynn had made these. I had unknowingly been cherishing small pieces of him all this time and hadn’t realized it. It was beautiful and perfect and reaffirmed my belief that being with him was right.

I heard my front door open and close with an angry bang.

Dania was here.

Let the drama begin.

“Ellie!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.

I took a deep breath; I was doing that a lot lately, and composed myself so I could deal with her without ripping her hair out.

“Back here!” I called back.

I could hear Dania’s furious stomps as she headed back to my bedroom. A few seconds later, she was filling the doorway with her expanding girth. She looked tired and haggard. Her normally healthy, shiny hair was dull and lifeless. She had dark circles under her eyes and her skin was ashen.

“Hey,” I said, trying for a small smile.

Dania didn’t return it. She looked unhappy and close to homicidal, as I had ever seen her.

“Well, you wanted me here. Here I am. What the fuck do you want to say?” She was instantly combative. I had known she’d be like that. I had prepared for it. I was an old hat at dealing with her myriad of moods and temper tantrums. But I realized my patience for her endless nastiness had disappeared. I had asked her over hoping to clear the air between us. Seeing her aggressive defensiveness I knew that wouldn’t happen.

This would go either of two ways. I would either have to roll over and show her my belly. Tell her I was wrong and grovel for her forgiveness. Or I could stand firm and watch as a ten year old friendship crumpled for good.

And I wasn’t in the mood for groveling.

“You can come in you know,” I replied breezily.

Dania eyed me warily but took a step into my room. She looked at my suitcase on the bed and the clothes I was putting in it.

“Going somewhere?” she asked.

“Yeah, going to the beach for a few days,” I said, watching her out of the corner of my eye as she sat down on the edge of my bed, shoving my suitcase to make room.

“With the freak?” she spat out.

“With Flynn, yes,” I answered coldly.

“I can’t believe you’d actually spend time with that waste. What’s wrong with you?” she sneered.

I grabbed a handful of shirts and crossed over to the bed where she was sitting and placed them in my suitcase. Dania grabbed one of my nicer sweaters and curled her lip.

“What’s the point of looking nice? It’s not like he’s smart enough to realize the effort,” Dania said nastily.

I yanked the sweater away from her and folded it back up.

“Okay, let’s do this, Dania. You’re pissed. You think I’ve betrayed you or something. Which is stupid. So what, I’m dating Flynn! What does that have to do with you?” I demanded.

Dania glared at me. “It’s has to do with me because I was the one that went to visit you every single day at the gross juvenile detention facility, where you were because of that fucking freak! It’s my goddamned business because we were making plans! You said you’d help me out and get an apartment with me, but I’m guessing that’s off the table now that you’re with Flynn.” She said his name like a dirty word.

“And you have betrayed me, Ellie! Because you didn’t tell me anything! You didn’t tell me what was going on! I thought we were friends. Best friends. And you kept something huge from me! That’s fucked up and wrong!”

Dania was getting worked up. Her neck and chest was splotched red and she was breathing rapidly.

But I was pissed too.

“First of all, I was sent to juvie because of what I did. Because of what we did!” I waved my finger between us.

“It had nothing to do with Flynn. I made my choices.”

“But you said” Dania started arguing.

I instantly interrupted her.

“I know what I said. I know what I’ve always said. But it’s wrong. I was wrong. Don’t you get that? I fucked up. I paid the price. And I have to live with what I did to him the rest of my life! Did you know his dog was inside? We killed his fucking dog, Dania!”

Dania snorted. “So? It’s just a fucking dog. It’s not like people died or anything. And I’ve heard he’s fixed the place up and it looks better than it ever did. So I don’t see what you’re freaking the fuck out about? It looks like he got a better end of the stick than you did, that’s for sure. So pardon me if I don’t get why you’d want to hang out with him. You hated him! Don’t pretend you didn’t,” she challenged.