Текст книги "Reap"

Автор книги: Tillie Cole

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Chapter Seven

Talia

Zaal’s body slumped to the floor beside me, and I pressed a hand over my frantic heart, trying to calm down. I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose. I’d been wrong. So damn wrong. Kostava wasn’t dead, he was very much alive.

I thought back to early this morning. Thought back to the moment I’d looked at Zaal’s lifeless body on my laptop screen. Thought back to the moment my heart chose to control my head.…

As I heard the front door close from downstairs, Ilya and Savin off to patrol the grounds, my palms twitched with the knowledge that it was just me in the house. Just me and Zaal.

My stomach filled with butterflies at seeing his beautiful face again. Checking in on him each morning had become my daily ritual.

Jumping from my bed, I made sure the bedroom door was locked and I ran to my laptop. Zaal had fallen asleep early last night before I’d gone to bed, after minimal movement all day. But I knew he’d be awake right now, right this minute. He was no longer pacing the floor and snarling at anyone who came near as of this week. Rather, he’d sit against the wall, his head often hanging low, his large body twitching and sweating. But he didn’t move. His jade green eyes were dull when he stared off into space, his attention fixed on nothing.

I didn’t know why, but I watched him, watched him lying there like a broken and abused animal. My chest would ache and no amount of rubbing over the skin could soothe it.

I’d always felt kind of trapped, mentally and emotionally lost in this Bratva life, and staring at Zaal Kostava, the man I was conditioned to hate, just broke my heart. Because he mirrored how I felt. Especially of late, I felt broken and scarred on the inside. He looked broken and scarred on the outside. I felt a connection to the Kostava. I supposed he and I were kindred spirits.

Opening my laptop, I expected to see Zaal in that same slumped sitting position, tied up in chains, hair matted and dressed only in the black pair of sweatpants Luka had insisted he wear when he was drugged that first night.

I clicked on the desktop icon, chose the camera for the basement, and waited with bated breath as it connected. As Zaal came into view, my heart immediately fell. He wasn’t sitting up as expected. He was still sprawled on the ground, body eerily still.

I leaned in closer willing him to move. But two hours passed and he hadn’t even flinched. A deep pit had formed in the center of my stomach. He looked … what if…?

I swallowed a thick lump in my throat and felt an unfamiliar hollow feeling in my heart. I knew he’d been getting worse, his demeanor had changed dramatically over the past few days. But he was strong. I thought he’d survive. I thought it was another phase of his recovery. He’d had several over the past couple of weeks.

Leaving my laptop on the dresser, I jumped off my bed. Hands on hips, I stared at the locked bedroom door and forced myself to do something I vowed I would never do.

I needed to see him up close.

I reached up and palmed the necklace lying on my chest. I thought of why my father had disapproved of Zaal’s rescue. Of why Luka had had to bring him all the way out here to the Hamptons rather than to a holding cell in Brooklyn. But no matter how much I tried to persuade myself not to do what my heart was urging me to do, a pair of jade green eyes would dominate my mind, taking it captive, and with it all rationality. Derr ‘mo! Those eyes! The sadness they held. The torture, the hurt and confusion shining in their depths, calling to me.

I had to go. He needed me.

Eto piz ‘dets! This is fucking crazy! I thought silently in Russian.

Rushing to my door, I took a deep breath at the top of the stairs and frantically ran down. Savin and Ilya, clearly back from patrolling, came busting out of the kitchen.

“Ms. Tolstaia?” Ilya enquired, “What’s wrong?”

Pushing my hand through my hair, I said, “I was at my window and I think I saw someone outside. Maybe more than one. I can’t be sure?”

Savin straightened and immediately pulled out his Glock. Ilya moved toward me. He looked me straight in the eye and ordered, “Stay here!”

In seconds, they’d run out of the house. Knowing I had only a short amount of time, I hurried to the hidden safe, entered the passcode, and retrieved the basement key.

With shaking hands, adrenaline fueling my reckless plan, I arrived at the basement door. Without overthinking any rebuke from Savin, Ilya, or Luka, I entered the dark room and quietly closed the door behind me.

Pausing on the tiny landing, I inhaled a shuddering breath. Move, Talia, I told myself, just move. He needs you.

Leaving the key on a ledge, I placed my trembling hand on the handrail and began my cautious descent. With every step on the wooden stairs, my heart beat louder and louder.

When the expanse of the dark room came into sight, and my gaze fell on an unmoving Zaal Kostava, it took all my self-control not to rush over and beg him to awaken.

I couldn’t hear his breathing. His back was facing me, his oversize body curled into a fetal position, like the pain had been too much to bear. His bloodied and bruised arms and legs were completely stiff.

Reality hit home—he’d died.

Derr ’mo! What had Jakhua pumped him full of? Had whatever was leeching from his system for the past two weeks been too much for a person to bear? Even for a man as formidable as Zaal?

Folding my arms over my waist, I walked silently toward his comatose form, flinching as I saw the chains that held him so tightly in place. His tanned skin was pale and, finally seeing for myself that he was gone, I fell to my knees beside him and my shoulders sagged.

I’d watched this man for weeks; long hours spent in fascination, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t hate him. I wanted to, felt obliged to … but, hell, it had been impossible.

How could anyone hate a man breaking so badly? A man who had never known love? A man filled with such pain? A man kept chained in the darkness?

An urge hit me. I needed to touch him. I had to, something within me told me to reach out. No person should die in such a way. Alone, with no caring person there to offer comfort in their final hours.

My mind raced with the scant information I had about his life. He was now twenty-nine. That meant he’d endured over twenty years of being experimented on like some clinical rat. Twenty-one years of being subservient to the man who had caused the demise of his family. Twenty-one years of killing, on instruction, anyone in his path.

Lifting my hand, I hesitantly placed it on his bicep. I gasped at the coldness of his skin. It felt like ice. My eyes closed as I offered a prayer to God to save his dark soul. Opening them again, I studied the mass of tattoos, cuts, and scars, and every finely toned inch of his muscles.

I’d never seen anyone like him. He was … he was perfect. Yet, savagely imperfect at the same time.

My hand drifted farther down his body, and across the brightly colored skull tattooed on his back. I knew he probably had these forced upon his flesh. Luka had told me how the gulag owners wanted him to look more aggressive by sporting sinister tattoos. It seemed that Levan Jakhua shared exactly the same whim. And they worked. The artwork of images of death made him like something from your nightmares.

Then my gaze met the slave number on the top of his neck where his long hair had parted, a smaller version of the “221” branded on his chest.

My hand traveled to touch the black ink and a flood of tears blurred my vision. “I’m sorry,” I mouthed, “I’m sorry you had this life.”

I went to withdraw my hand. Was moving away to tell the byki that the captive had died. But just as my palm went to move, it fell from Zaal’s ice-cold skin. Before I knew it, strong hands were gripping my biceps, and a familiar pair of jade green eyes were suddenly boring into mine. Two hundred and fifty pounds of prime muscle were pinning me down.…

I shook my head and glanced at Zaal, now sleeping. I couldn’t help but remember the feeling of his huge body towering above me, his sharply featured face so primal and raw. At first I’d been terrified, but when Savin and Ilya had found me, their mutual looks of rage as they met my eyes, all fear vanished as he pushed me back to protect me.

This monster, this animal, this apparently unsalvageable man had protected me. And now, alone, here I sat with him. My obsession in the flesh. My forbidden addiction.

It should have been my chance to get away. I knew he’d be sleeping for the next few hours. Hell, I knew his daily routine down pat. But as my mind tried to convince me to go, my heart kept me rooted to the spot.

Glancing to Zaal, I edged closer. Taking the chance while I could, I brushed back his dirty matted black hair from his face. My lips parted and I drew in a sharp breath as his features were revealed.

With my forefinger, I slowly traced his broad forehead, then his nose and, finally, his jaw. He was beautiful, exotic, and every inch a man. But he was severely unkempt, his hair dirty, and his body still peppered with weeks’-old bloodstains.

Looking about the sparse room, there was nothing in here to clean him with. I couldn’t leave him like this, soiled and riddled with filth.

Determined, I got to my feet and headed up the staircase. As I opened the door to the basement, Savin and Ilya were suddenly in my face.

They were livid.

“What were you thinking by going down there?” Savin asked coldly. “He could have killed you.”

Ignoring Savin, I walked around him and headed into the downstairs bathroom. Searching the cabinets, I quickly found a bath sponge, body wash, shampoo, conditioner, some towels, and a hairbrush. Gathering them in my hands, I headed to the kitchen, and located a large bowl.

Ilya walked to the counter. His eyes fell on the items lying on the top. “You can’t be serious?” he asked incredulously. I didn’t say a word as I ran the hot water and filled the bowl to three-quarters full.

“Miss Tolstaia, you’re not going back down there. We can’t allow it.”

My back stiffened and I turned to face Ilya, who’d been joined by an angry-looking Savin. “I’m going to say this as politely as I can, guys. I’ve known you both my entire life, your fathers served mine honorably. I both love and respect you as friends, and as my guards, but I will not be ordered around by you. I’m not twelve, and I don’t need your fucking permission to do anything.”

I lifted the bowl and set it next to the other items. Seeing a shopping tote bag on a hook, I filled it with the products I’d need and pulled it over my shoulder. Looking at my byki, I added, “Yes, I’m a woman in the Bratva. I’m controlled by my father, my Pakhan, and now, my ‘knayz’ brother. But I’m telling you now, I refuse to be spoken to like a fucking errant child by you two.” My eyes narrowed. “I’m going back down to the basement to clean the man who has been left down there to rot for two friggin’ weeks. The man I believed had died alone on that God-awful hard rubber floor, and there’s sweet fuck all you two can do about it.”

I lifted the bowl and walked around them. Ilya cussed and Savin stepped in my path. “He’s a Kostava,” he said in a deadly hush. “You’re a Tolstoi. Yet you help him? The knayz helps him? I don’t get what the fuck is going on. He should have been slaughtered when he was found. Hung up and paraded through the streets.”

For a moment I felt a flash of shame. Real shame that I was about to help the enemy. But something stronger overcame this shame—a need to help Zaal. A need to get close to him. I couldn’t explain it. Of course, it was irrational, it was wrong, but I had to. He had no one else.

I was it.

Ignoring the men, I headed for the basement, and Ilya called out, “We’ll be watching that monitor, miss. If he so much as touches you the wrong way, we’ll come down and I won’t hesitate to kill him.”

It wasn’t a threat. His words were a promise.

Mu‘duk, I muttered under my breath, and resisted telling him to fuck off. When I reached the small landing of the basement, I saw the switch that controlled the security camera directly before me. Turning to bolt the two inner locks of the basement door, I then smiled directly into the stair’s camera hanging from the ceiling, and cut the live feed. Last thing I needed was Ilya and Savin watching me wash Zaal down.

When I walked down the stairs and returned to Zaal’s side, I set the bowl down and carefully began to wash his body. Blood and dirt eventually gave way to tanned skin. I gently washed every inch of him, and when I reached his face, it was to find a pair of unfocused green eyes, staring up at me.

My hand froze but I stared right back.

My heart raced and my cheeks flushed with heat.

Zaal studied me, his eyes widening, then he began to move.

Quickly shuffling backward through fear of what he might do, I stopped when he dragged his lethargic body into a slumped sitting position. His gaze dropped to the bowl and then to his half-washed torso.

He looked back up at me and I could see confusion clouding his features. He watched me and I watched him. The room seemed to increase in temperature and a powerful magnetic tension formed between us.

Zaal’s attention fell to the sponge in my hand. His black eyebrows pulled down and, lifting his hand, he ran it over the clean side of his body.

Swallowing, watching his array of facial expressions communicate without words, I slowly shifted onto my knees. Zaal’s eyes snapped to mine and he tensed. Perhaps he perceived me as a threat?

I held up my sponge, and his wary eyes narrowed. Edging closer, I nervously whispered, “I was cleaning you.”

The clean hand moved to the soiled and sweat-ridden side of his body. He fixed his gaze on me once more and dropped his hand. He focused on me blankly. I moved ever closer. His nostrils flared, his hands clenched, the chains attaching him to the wall rattled at even this slight movement.

But I kept moving forward until I was within touching distance. Stopping, I held up the sponge and gestured to the bowl of hot water. Clearing my throat, trying to chase away the nerves starting to overwhelm my body, I said quietly, “Can I keep going? Can I continue to clean you?”

He didn’t react, but his cheek twitched, then twitched again. I didn’t know if that meant he wanted me to or not. Deciding to continue regardless, I carefully dipped the sponge into the soapy water. Zaal’s torso was on full display and he tensed, as though I was about to strike him.

My heart fell again.

Had he not had any human contact at all? Had no one ever cared for him? Touched him? Spoke to him other than to issue a command to kill, or to pump him full with drugs?

He didn’t move as I approached very slowly, but his eyes watched me like a hawk. Holding out the sponge, I said just as quietly, “I’m going to run it along your arm, is this okay?”

There was no answer, just another twitch of his jaw and a narrowing of his green eyes.

Averting my attention from his face to his large arm, I pressed the sponge against his skin and met hard muscle. My lips parted and my heart raced. I could feel him watching me; I blushed under his scrutiny.

The deathly silence in the room only intensified the mood of the situation and his wet skin bumped in my wake. He was solid muscle. His skin was nearly golden in tone, but my chest tightened at seeing the mass of jagged scars marring his skin up close. They were everywhere, more than I’d realized. Round marks that looked like they’d once been open holes, red raised scars that looked like burn marks. I’d seen them through the surveillance feed, but up close? They were horrific. I didn’t even want to imagine how they could have been caused.

Swallowing back my shock, I glanced at Zaal, who was still watching me. His head was angled slightly to the side. I tried to cast him a smile. And when I did, his lips parted, the top boasting a perfectly shaped cupid’s bow.

Snapping myself from my stupor, I sank the sponge into the bowl and made quick work of his arm and tattooed back. Reaching for the towel, I dried him off, then said, “Can I clean your front?”

Zaal didn’t move from where he sat, prompting me to shift to place myself in front of him. His chains were in the way, but at least he could move his arms, baring his packed torso. Eyes widening, I drank in every sculpted inch as he allowed me to clean his broad chest.

The bold 221 tattoo glared at me; his black hair was clumped and fell in knotted disarray. Offering the sponge for him to see, I shuffled on my knees until I was positioned between his legs, cradled in close proximity to his imposing frame.

For a moment I entertained the certainty that this close, if he wanted to, Zaal could easily kill me. If he was truly the untamed savage, the crazed monster he’d been acting for the two weeks here at the house, he should kill me now.

But when I found myself mere inches from his face, my eyes met those stunning jade irises, and any fear I had fell away like butter sliding off a hot knife.

Electricity seemed to crackle between us as we breathed the same air. Zaal stared and stared, until, raising the sponge, I pressed its wet warmth to his chest. This close, with my ear hovering just below his mouth I caught his sharp inhale of breath.

My thighs clenched at the desperate sound and warmth spread between my legs. I could feel myself blushing, and my hands trembled.

Overcome with a heady attraction, I focused on the task of cleaning the traces of blood and dirt from his skin. My hands ran over his muscled chest, over his bulging traps that sat perfectly on top of large round shoulders.

My breath came in short quick pants as my hand slowly traced down his washboard abs, showcasing more muscles than I knew it was possible to produce. Eventually, I found my sponge at the waistband of his sweatpants.

I paused. He needed cleaning desperately, but I wavered. I knew he was naked beneath his pants. I must have hesitated too long; Zaal suddenly moved, his chains clattering off the hard floor. I jumped back at the sudden movement and my frightened eyes darted to meet his. Once again, Zaal was watching me carefully. His long rough fingers slipped under the elastic of the waistband, then slowly pushed the pants off his waist and over his thick thighs. The pants stopped as the chains from his ankle shackles prevented him from freeing himself completely.

Our fixed attentions hadn’t dropped as he removed his pants. I was transfixed by his expression, the parting of his lips and the slight color that had graced his defined tanned cheeks.

My heart drummed. He was naked. I hadn’t expected him to remove his pants. I wasn’t exactly sure how to proceed.

Finally, inhaling a shuddering breath, I reached out and dipped the sponge in the bowl. Lifting my hand, I drained out the water with a squeeze of my fist, and feeling breathless at what I might find, I risked a look down.

My hand froze, suspended in the air as I met the sight of his tapered waist, his muscles forming a sharp and overly defined V that led to a dark cropping of hair and …

I sucked in a breath as my gaze landed on his cock, his long, wide, and very hard cock. And the more I stared, the more it hardened, standing flush to his lower torso.

Hands shaking, I looked up to see his eyes blazing. His face wore a furious expression. It should have frightened me, but as his hips lifted, it was obvious why he looked so severe—he wanted my hands to intimately touch him.

Inching forward, I ran the sponge over his calves and his strong thighs. I cleaned both front and back, feeling relieved when they were relatively clean and needed no more attention. My hand ran farther north, only to be met with what unnerved me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

What are you doing? I was all over him, having blatantly used the excuse of washing him down to touch him.

Suddenly I felt sick, and wrong. Really fucking wrong.

Deciding to leave, no, needing to leave, I went to withdraw my hand, when firm fingers gripped my wrist. My eyes snapped open.

No words came from Zaal’s mouth. His grip was anything but hurtful. But I could see he had no intention of letting me go. And as fucked up as it made me, I didn’t want him to let go of me.

My eyes lowered to his hand on mine and then rose to his face. His jaw was clenched. He wore a pained look. I opened my mouth to speak. A whoosh of air slipped through my lips, my words resisted their formation, when suddenly Zaal pulled me in closer. Gasping at the sudden movement, my knees shuffled on the rubber flooring. Never breaking Zaal’s stare, he slowly lowered my hand and the wet sponge to the base of his long cock.

Zaal’s hand paused as the sponge connected with his hard length and I grew wet between my thighs. Every part of my skin seemed on fire as I felt him beneath the sponge. Felt his cock, hot, long, hard, and desperate.

Then Zaal, controlling my hand, slowly dragged the sponge upward, a deep grunt slipping from his mouth as I reached his tip. Body rigid and eyelids hooding, he pushed my hand back down to his base. His chest muscles jerked as his hand and my hand together moved the sponge back up, then down, faster this time. Losing all rational thought, I curled my hand further around the sponge, the action gave me tighter purchase of him. Zaal dragged in a breath and a growl tore from his throat.

My pussy pulsed inside my jeans when Zaal’s back hit the rubber wall, his huge thighs tensing with every stroke of the sponge.

Zaal’s eyes fluttered to a close; his ridiculously long black lashes landed on his high cheekbones. As his guttural growls and grunts grew louder, his hold on my wrist slackened, but it didn’t matter. I was lost to him, addicted to watching his full lips part, his long breaths stuttering in the silence of the room and his hips rolling, meeting my strokes thrust for thrust.

My breast ached to be touched as I worked my wrist faster and faster, stroking him until every sculpted inch of his body became taut.

As I pumped him harder, my thighs clenched together searching for some kind of release. Then Zaal’s breathing changed and his hand fell away. But I didn’t stop. As I glanced up from his swelling cock under my attention, his eyes snapped open. I almost faltered at the searing, hungry way he was viewing me. I froze, caught in the intensity of his primal glare. My hand worked still faster. I saw his green eyes darken and flare; Zaal stiffened, and releasing a harsh roar, came all over his stomach, the white streams of his release splashed over his tanned skin.

Breathless, I released a moan as I watched him fall apart. Zaal’s body jerked as I worked him down, until I slowly released my hold.

Zaal sat against the wall, his body exhausted with its release. Placing the sponge in the bowl, I brought it back to his stomach and gently wiped away the obvious evidence of his release.

Next, taking the towel, I wiped it over his legs and stomach until he was dry. My heart still hadn’t calmed, and I couldn’t look him in the face. But feeling him watching, I couldn’t resist glancing up. Zaal was studying me, watching me dry his freshly washed skin. My pulse raced, and a warmth spread in my chest. He was … beautiful. Zaal was the most amazing man I’d ever seen.

I fought to rein in my reaction. Unexpectedly, Zaal reached forward and took my hand. I froze as he examined my palm, my wrist, then every single one of my fingers. I frowned wondering what he found so fascinating. Then he coaxed me closer with a pull on my arm. I followed. What choice did I have? I was captivated, completely drawn into whatever Zaal wanted from me.

My knees were almost flush to his parted thighs. This close, I could feel intense heat radiate from his chest. I could see the glistening sheen of sweat on his chest caused by his release.

Zaal squeezed my hand, then brought it to his face. I sucked in a shallow breath as my palm connected with his rough stubbled cheek. Zaal’s eyes darted to mine, as if, somehow, they were trying to speak to me.

I tilted my head to the side, my long blond ponytail falling over my shoulder to land on his chest. Zaal’s eyes flickered down, his lips parted, then once more he watched at me.

He held my hand, unmoving, against his cheek. When he did draw it back, he took four of my fingers and began running them down his cheek. He repeated the motion over and over, my fingertips grazing against his unshaven skin. His eyes seemed to plead with mine, but for what?

The desperate look on his face was so earnest and forlorn that I had to fight for breath. It was at that moment I saw the man before me. Not the Jakhua killer, not the forbidden Kostava heir, but the residual spirit of the man he was without the poison of the drugs. Somehow it shone through, even though he appeared nothing more than a freak, a monster created at the sadistic hands of a bitter, twisted tyrant.

Zaal jerked on my arm again, recalling my attention to him. His head bowed like he was urging me to understand him. I wanted so badly to know what he meant.

I wanted him to talk. Christ, did I want him to speak.

Then I wondered for a moment if he could talk. Lord knows what Levan Jakhua had done to Zaal’s body over the years. My stomach sank. Maybe he had ruined Zaal’s ability to speak. Maybe he had taken his voice away.

Zaal began moving my fingers down his cheek again, across his forehead and along the other side of his face and I refocused on this strange action.

His eyes then darted to the bowl. And it dawned on me. I understood what Zaal wanted. He wanted me to clean his face.

“Your face?” I asked. He stilled on hearing me speak. “You want me to bathe your face?”

His beautiful, hopeless eyes closed for a fraction of a moment. He was saying “yes.”

Wiping a stray tear that had escaped the corner of my eye, I withdrew my hand and moved to the bowl. I reached in the bag I’d brought down and retrieved a small facecloth. Seeing a bottle of water behind Zaal, I used the remnants of the water to dampen the cloth, adding soap. Zaal watched me the entire time. His previously stern eyes had softened. And the almost-kind look in his eyes, set against the raw, intimidating features of his face staggered me.

I inched closer to the position I was in before. And I noticed something for the first time. Zaal’s chest rapidly rose and fell the closer I got to him. I was bringing something out in him. He was affected by me, and I couldn’t believe just how much I was affected by him.

Taking the cloth, I pressed it against his cheek. Leaning in, I felt his warm breath ghost over my face. I saw the veins in his neck stand out with every soft stroke I made. And this close, with the removal of the weeks’ worth of dirt and grime on his face, certain features came to light. His skin was smooth, his lashes so dark; it was almost as if kohl liner had been applied to his upper eyelid. The effect of it framed his jade eyes perfectly. Jade eyes that never once moved from mine. Jade eyes that on closer inspection, completely stole my soul. The color was breathtaking, his irises pure bright green, no flecks of brown, just the cleanest and most beautiful of colors, heightened by his dark Georgian features.

But what held me captive, what stirred something inside me was something quite inconsequential. Three small beauty marks, three delicate moles lying just to the side of his left eye. They made him appear human, not the animal, the fierce wild monster he’d been conditioned to be. These three moles promised me that here sat a person. Underneath the scars, the muscles, and the tattoos was a hurt and lost man.

I washed Zaal’s face. Even when it was clean, I didn’t want to stop touching his face. I didn’t want to stop running my hands over his high cheekbones, along his broad forehead, and across his strong jaw. It was apparent he craved my touch as much as I loved to touch him. When I moved to withdraw my hand, Zaal lifted his hand and placed it over mine.

My palm was flat to his cheek.

We breathed in unison.

There were no words, no sounds, just my skin connecting with his.

Before long, Zaal’s eyes closed. By the shallow breaths he was taking, I knew it wouldn’t be long before he fell to sleep. His body was exhausted, the result of dispelling whatever hard drug was flowing through his veins.

Yet his hand didn’t move off mine. Zaal’s head was angled just so, as though he was leaning into my touch.

My heart skipped several beats. I couldn’t take the feelings coursing through my body. I couldn’t take what being in Zaal’s presence was making me feel. Like something I had to keep at bay was clawing its way to the surface.

Once I was assured he slept, I gently removed my hand from his face. A sudden wash of emptiness flowed through me. Lifting the washcloth, I slipped it back into the bag. I then pulled his sweatpants up as far as I could manage.

Zaal didn’t stir.

As I moved away, I stared down at the remaining heir to the Kostava clan. Any hate I’d harbored had disappeared.

Confused, and more than disturbed at the events of today, I picked up the bowl and my bag, and walked to the stairs. I tried not to look back, but my heart physically ached at the thought of leaving him down here in this hell of a basement alone, no light to comfort him, no me to press my palm to his cheek and help him relax.

Unable to stop the pang of guilt ripping through my chest, I forced myself to reach the top of the stairs and open the door. I raced to the bathroom, deposited the dirty water, and moved to the kitchen to lock away the key. But as I walked into the room, Savin and Ilya were both staring at me, both wearing the same look of disappointment on their faces. I glanced down to the cut surveillance monitor beside them, the screen now filled with nothing but white noise. I shook my head at their anger.

Ilya moved forward as if to speak, but I held up my hand. “Don’t,” I ordered with a hard voice. “I’m going to my room.”

Turning on my heel, I ran up the stairs and into my bedroom. In seconds I was in the shower, my mind drowning me in the memories of what had just happened.