Текст книги "Fusion"

Автор книги: Tessa Teevan

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 21 страниц)

It was probably wrong to think about how adorable he was when he was nervous. I studied him for a quick beat. His eyes, hooded with consternation, were unblinking as beads of sweat dotted his creased forehead. The corners of his lips were drawn in a tight line, turned down at the ends. I knew it was time to put him out of his misery. While I might have been okay with spit shakes for all those years, that didn’t mean I was ready to let him vomit on my favorite pair of tennis shoes.

“You know I love you, right? Just as much as you love me?” I asked.

His mouth twitched as he turned to me. “Enough to always let me use the nun-chucks even though you suck with the sword?”

I laughed. “Exactly.” As I donned my safety goggles and handed him the instruction manual, I took pity on the way he was shaking. Leaning closer, I lowered my voice. “And just like always, I’m giving in. You be the guide. I’ll be the cutter. Sound good?”

The green tint washed away, and he nodded profusely and pulled me in for a warm hug, holding me close to his solid chest. “Oh, thank God. I thought I was going to have to start offering sexual favors or something.”

I pulled my head back but remained in his arms. “Dammit. I guess I should’ve held out a little while longer. I mean, I’ve seen how good you are at strokin’, but man, some hands-on experience might be nice, too.”

The boldness of my words surprised both of us. I bit my lip and waited for him to respond.

“If you really wanted that, Sierra, all you had to do was ask. And way to keep a guy in misery. If I’d have known a little strokin’ would’ve gotten me out of this, I would have offered weeks ago.”

I was frozen at his implication. I couldn’t tell if we were still kidding or stepping over a line that had never been breached. And then a goofy grin crossed his lips. He was kidding, of course. I should’ve known. That’s how Jeremy was. How we were. Always teasing. Never serious. As much as I’d always loved the dynamic, I was starting to hate it, too.

“But seriously, Sierra. Thank you. I love you. You’re the best.”

It was probably cliché, but I think another little part of me fell for Jeremy Banks right then and there. We’d said those three little words countless times. This was different, though. This time, those words brought on a whole flock of butterflies. This time, I wanted to rise on my tiptoes and kiss his lips.

A throat cleared, and I turned to see Mr. Turoff’s head inclined towards us, a single eyebrow lifted and his lips cocked in a lopsided, knowing smile. I jumped back from Jeremy and picked up the scalpel. His brow was raised, and a rush of embarrassment surged through me that my teacher had witnessed the interaction.

I turned my concentration to the little amphibian lying on my table. With less-than-expert precision, I placed the scalpel on the skin and held my breath all the way through the first incision. Surprisingly, it didn’t freak me out. When I glanced over at Jeremy, he wasn’t even paying attention. Rolling my eyes, I looked back down.

“What’s next?” I asked him.

A burst of exhilaration passed through me as he led me through the next few steps.

“Oh my God!” I declared. A thrilling sensation washed over me when the bones snapped beneath my fingertips.

“What?!” Jeremy asked, sounding distressed. He was holding his hands over his eyes, watching me through a tiny slit between his fingers.

“That was… that was amazing,” I breathed out.

“What?!” he repeated, his eyes widening behind his hands.

“Cutting into the sternum… It was…so freaking cool!” I exclaimed. “The crack and the pop. I feel so in control right now.”

The rest of the class went by rather quickly. I was lost in the dissection of that frog, fascinated with every step. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t about to apply to medical school or anything, and it was probably the last time I’d ever cut anything open. Still, it was such a rush. I hadn’t even realized I was in such deep concentration until the taste of blood tore me from my examination.

I cursed and wiped the lip I’d bitten into, looking up to find Jeremy staring at me. His eyebrows were lifted, one slightly more than the other, while his eyes were focused on me, watching intently. I didn't miss the way his lips were parted or how his face was flushed. So I narrowed my eyes and lifted the safety goggles up on my head.

“What? Do I have frog guts on me or something?”

He cleared his throat and shook his head as if trying to erase a thought. “Umm. No. No, you’re good. I’ve just never seen you so focused before. You were in your element. As gross as this whole thing is, I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

My eyes widened, and my heart starting beating erratically. I told myself to calm down and not read too much into it. I needed to change the subject.

Taking the scalpel, I pointed to two bean-shaped organs inside the frog. “Congratulations, Daddy. It’s a boy! Check out the testes on this guy!”

He paled again.

This time, I was the moment ruiner, and I hated myself for it.

Freaking frog testes.

THE BUZZ IN THE air surrounding Navarre High School was similar to the one on the first day of school. This one, however, was more electric. More excited. We were one assembly away from stepping out into the sunshine and enjoying the next three months on the beach, not worrying about a single thing.

I, however, wasn’t excited in the least bit. Not even close.

Frankly, this summer was going to blow.

I scowled when I saw Sierra leaning back against the wall outside the field house. Danny Moyer, quarterback and asshole extraordinaire, was next to her with his arm over her head, pressed against the building. He was gazing down at her and standing far too close for my taste. I was waiting for Sierra to roll her eyes at his obvious flirtations and push him away, but she didn’t. No, Sierra did the opposite. My stomach clenched tight when she fluttered her lashes and smiled up at him. The bright, shining, wide smile that was usually reserved for me.

Fuck.

One of my buddies and teammates, Jace McAllister, shoulder-bumped me and grinned. “You better go save the day, Banks, before Moyer sinks his claws into your best friend.”

I frowned, wrinkling my brow. “What are you talking about?”

He chuckled. “Somehow Sierra’s completely flown under the Moyer radar all year, but after the way she cheered for you at our last baseball game? Not anymore. And, since he and Heather broke up, he’s on the hunt for his next piece of arm candy.”

“He and Heather broke up?” That was news to me. It made sense though, since I’d found a note with her number in my locker last week. Not that I’d ever use it. Heather Perkinson was a little too…perky for my taste.

“Yep,” he said, popping the P. “And the other word on the street is that she’s ready to move from the quarterback to his star receiver. Wouldn’t that be something? You and Heather, Sierra and Danny? You two could double-date!” He laughed as if he’d just said the most hilarious thing.

“Jesus Chris, McAllister. Do you still have your man card, or did you lose it when you were playing bingo with the gossiping old ladies last night?”

He just shook his head. “I’m just giving you a fair warning, Banks. You may be quick on the football field, but you’re clearly slow when it comes to matters of the heart.”

I turned to gape at him. “Matters of the heart? Seriously, McAllister. Where do you come up with this shit?”

He started to speak, but I held a hand up to interrupt him.

“Wait. Don’t tell me. You spend your free time watching Titanic and crying every single time Rose lets Jack go.”

His face turned red, and I knew I was right. But he shrugged me off. “It takes a real man to be comfortable watching that shit. You just may learn a thing or two if you do.”

I was about to remind him that we were fifteen—for me, almost sixteen—year-old dudes. I wasn’t, for any reason, watching that shit.

“Jace, don’t let Jeremy fool you. When I made him go see Message in a Bottle, I caught him shedding a few tears. There’s a soft heart underneath all that brawn.”

My eyes widened when Sierra’s voice chimed in. God, how long had she been there?

“Nice to know, Sierra. I’m manly enough to admit I did the same. Damn Nicholas Sparks,” he said, shaking his head as if the memory were painful.

Which, indeed, it was. I had vowed that it was the last time Sierra got to drag me to a chick flick.

Jace turned back to me. “Think about what I said, Banks. Don’t strike out before you even have a chance to get up to bat.”

With that, he left us alone.

“What was that cryptic baseball metaphor in reference to?” she asked, staring at his back as he walked away from us.

“I have no idea. You know how that guy is. Romantic quips and all that shit. It’s a shock he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

“I know you’re being sarcastic, but you’re actually right. He’s super cute, and in those baseball pants? Whew,” she said, fanning herself.

My jealousy flared. “Seriously? You have a thing for Jace McAllister?” I asked, trying not to seethe.

She laughed, punching me in the arm. “Of course not. I just meant it is surprising he’s single. He’s good-looking, he’s sweet, and he’s smart. Any girl would be lucky to have him.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sierra, you just described me and I’m single, too. Where’s your outrage in that?”

She held her hands to her chest and let out an exaggerated gasp. “God, Jeremy. I just can’t believe it. You’re every girl’s wet dream, knight in shining armor, and perfect man all rolled into one.”

“Smartass.”

“You love me.”

“The paradoxical blessing and curse,” I muttered, causing her to laugh.

“Wow. A big word for such a meathead.”

“You love me,” I echoed, and she beamed at me.

A silence fell over us as we walked home together. If she only knew how true her statement had been. And how much I wished mine were as well.

“Why don’t we stay home tonight?” I asked Sierra as we neared her driveway. The truth was I didn’t want to share her. Not on our last night together.

She laughed and bumped her shoulder into mine. “What are you talking about, Jeremy? You’ve been excited about the end-of-school bash since you were invited by your teammates.”

She was right. Freshmen weren’t usually invited to the football team’s end-of-year beach bash. But, since I was on the varsity team, I’d been extended an invite, and I might have been a little bit smug about it.

“That was before I knew you were leaving me for two months.” I winced at the harshness in my voice.

“Oh,” was all she replied. Oh.

“I just don’t see why you have to go away for the summer. We’re supposed to be living it up. We’re no longer fresh meat. We need to party like its nineteen ninety-nine!”

She laughed so hard that she snorted. “You did not just Prince me.”

“You did not just use Prince as a verb,” I retorted.

“Whatever. In case you forgot, it is nineteen ninety-nine, Jer. We don’t have to party like it anymore. Plus, I’ll be back before school starts and we can party then,” she said.

“Fine,” I grumbled. “I still hate that you’re leaving for the entire summer.”

It was the truth. Things with Sierra and me had been evolving ever since we’d stepped foot into high school. It was like we had been transported to a place where just friendship couldn’t exist anymore. It was a slow burn, with little hints here and there, but neither of us made a move.

Call me chickenshit. I would agree. It’s just… The night she’d cried in my arms about Dawson and Joey having ruined everything in their friendship, she’d also made me promise to never let that happen between us. I wanted to point out that, one, it was fiction; two, Joey Potter had nothing on her; three, I was ten times cooler than Dawson, not to mention with a hell of a lot more game; and, four, it was fiction.

But I didn’t. Instead, I promised that would never happen to us. What I meant, however, was the heartbreak thing. Because kissing her?

I’d had that thought over and over and over again.

In fact, just two weeks ago, I’d gotten tired of hiding my feelings. I’d just mustered up the courage to tell her how I felt when she’d dropped the bomb on me.

Okay, I was being dramatic. But still, it’d felt like a blow when she’d informed me that she was spending the summer in Ohio with her grandparents. I was torn. I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I had feelings for her. The thought of her meeting a guy in Ohio made me want to Hulk out. At the same time, though, it didn’t seem fair to tell her now, forcing us to start our relationship as a long-distance one.

I was getting ahead of myself. I didn’t even know if Sierra liked me like that, but a guy could hope, right? So I sucked up it and spent the next few weeks whining about her leaving me for an entire summer. I might have asked my mom what she thought about me going to Ohio, too, citing that I’d see a different part of the country and all, but she’d squashed that plan when she’d reminded me about football camp.

“Pick me up at eight?” she asked when we got to the edge of her driveway.

“Are you sure we can’t stay in tonight?” I made one last ditch effort to get her all to myself.

She laughed and shook her head. “No way. You’ve been looking forward to this for weeks. I’m not going to be the one to keep you from it.”

I let out an exasperated sigh and placed my hands on top of my head. “I don’t care! It’s one party. There will be plenty this summer.” I dropped my hands and grabbed one of hers. “But my time with you is limited, and I don’t want to share you.”

Her eyes dilated. Her voice was soft and slightly trembling when she said, “You’ll never have to share me, Jeremy. You should know that by now.”

Just like that, something inside me clicked. I didn’t want to share her. Not with anyone there. Not with anyone in Ohio. This was it. I couldn’t wait anymore. She needed to know, even if it meant we had to wait two months to really be together.

I took a step forward just as she did. My free hand lifted to her cheek.

“Sierra,” I whispered, pausing as I memorized every inch of her face.

“Yes?” she breathed, her eyes searching mine.

“You better bring me back a buckeye.”

I couldn’t do it.

And I’d never been more disappointed in myself.

I blinked twice at Jeremy’s words. I could’ve sworn he had been on the verge of kissing me or revealing some deep, dark secret. Instead, he’d asked for a freaking nut? A poisonous one, at that? Right then, I could’ve shoved a few poisonous nuts down his throat. My nose burned, and tears threatened to flow.

I stepped back and nodded quickly. “Umm, sure. I’ll put that on my list. Okay, I need to go get ready. See you later!” I said before running into the house.

The way I flung myself onto my bed and buried my face in my pillow was probably dramatic. But I did it anyway. It masked the sobs racking through me. I cried for my stupidity. I cried for the humiliation of yet another near kiss. I cried because the one person who’d never made me cry was making me do just that, and even still, I couldn’t fault him for it.

After tiptoeing around my feelings for him for nearly the entire school year, reading way too much into every move he made, everything he ever said, analyzing his actions to see if it meant anything more, I finally had my answer.

I hadn’t budged an inch outside of the friend-zone, and I was finally realizing I never would.

I was such an idiot. How could I have thought I’d ever be anything but Tod to him? He’d never see me as anything more than the girl who always conceded and gave him the nun-chucks. The girl who didn’t hesitate to spit in her hand and shake, no matter how gross Lexi told me I was. The one who took one look at his pale face and swooped in to save the day, dissecting that frog all by myself so he wouldn’t get sick.

I was the reliable best friend, willing to do anything for the boy she loved.

I was Joey freaking Potter.

No, I was worse than Joey Potter. At least she got to kiss her best friend. Not me. I’d just been reminded that this entire thing was one-sided.

I was just glad I hadn’t told him.

As the tears finally stopped flowing, I resolved then and there that I’d never again let his nearness give me butterflies.

I thought leaving him that summer was going to be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.

Staying would’ve been so much worse. And, as much as I had been dreading the goodbye, now, it couldn’t come soon enough.

I was an idiot.

I knew it even before Jenna shoved me and told me that I was one. She’d witnessed the whole ordeal and was none too impressed with how her twin brother had handled himself.

“She was practically begging for you to kiss her! And you ask for a freaking leaf?” she screeched as soon as I walked into our kitchen.

“It’s a nut,” I informed her.

She rolled her eyes. “No, you’re a nut.” Then she put her hands on her hips. “You’re unbelievable. Unbelievable!”

“What do I do, Jenna? What if she doesn’t like me like that? What if I tell her how I feel and then she says she only sees me as a friend. I’d ruin everything.”

She scoffed. “So you’re an idiot, unbelievable, and blind. What a freaking trifecta. Get a clue, Jer. She likes you likes you.”

“Are you two talking about Sierra?”

I jumped at the sound of Lexi’s voice.

“Yep,” Jenna said. “Numb nuts over here doesn’t think she likes him.”

Lexi let out a loud laugh then slapped her hand on the kitchen counter. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Jenna shook her head.

Lexi sobered a little. “You are a numb nuts.”

“Stop talking about my nuts!” I shouted, stomping out of the room.

The sound of their laughter followed me even as I plopped down on my bed and buried my face in my pillow.

As much as I wanted to deny it, they were right. I wasn’t just an idiot. I was a coward. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was terrified that everything would change the minute I told her how I felt.

But wasn’t that the point? I didn’t want things to stay the same. I wanted them to change—for the better. And how could that happen if I kept my mouth shut and my feelings hidden away? It couldn’t. So, that night, as I got ready, I listened to the sweet, sappy sounds of Boyz II Men, psyching myself up to tell Sierra the truth. My brilliant plan was to get to the party, make a few rounds, and then drag her behind some sand dune far away from everyone else and ask her to be my girlfriend. Sounded perfect, right?

Well, I thought so.

That was before some junior placed a red Solo cup in Sierra’s hand and pointed her towards the keg. She scurried away from me, filling her cup and finding an empty spot in the sand next to a few of her fellow cheerleaders. I sighed and figured it was my fault anyway.

Four beers later—for her, not me—my plan was annihilated thanks to Danny freaking Moyer. When I’d finally made my way back to Sierra, he was sitting next to her, his arm around her shoulders. Jealousy rose within me at the sight of another guy touching her bare skin. Those shoulders were mine. All of a sudden, fierce possessiveness roared, the urge to lay claim surging through my bloodstream. I didn’t want to share Sierra, and the longer I watched them, the angrier I became. It was only a matter of time until I turned into a roid-raged monster whose adrenaline would’ve torn the arms off even the strongest man. I was about to Hulk out for Sierra. Fuck.

“Banks!” he called as I approached. “Where’ve you been hiding this one?”

Sierra let out a giggle, and then she hiccupped. Shit. I should’ve been watching her more closely. Her experience with alcohol had been fairly limited, and I was worried she’d overdone it.

“He doesn’t hide me,” she slurred, shooting me a glare before plastering a drunken smile on her face. “In fact, he doesn’t do anything with me at all. He’s just my best friend, as he’s always been. Little Sierra Sullivan and little Jeremy Banks. Friends forever.”

If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought she was being sarcastic. Apparently, drunk Sierra was a grumpy one.

“Little?” Danny smirked, enjoying this way too much for my taste.

Her eyes widened, and she shook her head profusely. “Oh, I don’t mean little! At least, not in that sense. You know, this one time, I walked in on—”

I raced over to her and promptly pulled her to her feet, effectively cutting her off. We were probably ten seconds away from a repeat performance of her stellar “Strokin’.” Fuck. That thought made me half hard.

“Okay, Sierra, I think it’s time to head home.”

She frowned. “What? Why? We just got here.”

I raised an eyebrow. “We’ve been here for over an hour. And you’re going to need to sober up before you go home. Do you want your parents to catch you?”

Her head shook, and she allowed me to take her hand and start leading her away. “No, you’re right. Mom would kill me.” She tilted her head and gave me a drunken smile that looked kind of sad. “You’re so good to me, Jeremy. Always looking out for me. You’re the best.”

That was me. Good ol’ reliable Jeremy. Glancing at my watch, I saw we still had plenty of time. But how could I tell Sierra how I felt now that she wasn’t in the right state of mind?

I couldn’t, and that sucked.

“Hey, Sierra,” Danny called.

She stopped and gazed back at him, her eyes glossy. “Yeah?” The breathy whisper she’d offered him had me gritting my teeth.

“Don’t forget what I said. I’ll see you at the end of the summer.”

She nodded as a shy smile crossed her lips. It was a smile I’d never seen, and I hated it. I wanted to be the only guy to make her smile. It was selfish, but I didn’t care.

I got us a ride from one of the juniors, but instead of having him take us home, I had him drop us off at the gazebo at the end of our neighborhood.

“What are we doing here, Jeremy?” Sierra asked.

“We have a couple of hours until curfew. I thought this would be a good place for you to sober up.”

I went to take her hand, but she either didn’t see me or didn’t want me to as she walked down the wooden planks, took the steps down, and planted her ass in the sand. I followed and sat next to her, staring out at the water.

Silent minutes ticked by. Nothing but the roar of the waves filled the air. My insides were twisting and turning as I tried to find the right words to tell Sierra just how much I was going to miss her. I hated that this was the last night we’d have together before she left town. Before she left me.

“So…” I breathed out, finally mustering up the courage to break the silence.

“So…” she repeated. Her finger was making trails in the sand. In the darkness, I couldn’t make out what she was writing.

“What did Danny mean?”

She looked up suddenly. Her face was showcased in the moonlight, and I was relieved to see that some of the glossiness had faded from her eyes.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

I fidgeted, hating the tightness in my chest. I’d never thought of Sierra with another guy. Hell, I’d never thought of Sierra with any guy. And now…it was painful. It was as if my heart were ballooning until it would inevitably pop and leave me with nothing but the shredded pieces.

“He said to think about what he said. So, what was it? What did he say?”

“Oh, that,” she said, waving me off like it was no big deal. “He asked if he could take me out.”

“Like, on a date?” I asked, the tightness intensifying, making it hard to breathe. “Seriously? He asked you out on a date?”

The incredulity in my voice surprised even me. I watched as the color drained from her face, and the smile faded from her lips. Her eyes blazed with the fury she was about to unleash. She’d completely misinterpreted my question, and before I could explain, she jumped up, kicking sand in my direction.

“Yes! On a date. Is that so hard to believe, Jeremy?! That a guy would actually find me attractive enough to take out?” She pushed her chest out, and my eyes nearly bugged out of my head. “They may not be big, but I do have boobs, you know! Just because you don’t notice them doesn’t mean other guys won’t.”

Before I could answer, she ran up the steps, through the gazebo, and down the wooden planks towards the entrance of the neighborhood. I dashed after her, thankful she hadn’t gotten too far. As soon as I caught up to her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back. She flailed her arms and kicked her legs out, but I held on tight.

“Stop, Sierra,” I growled, surprised when she actually listened. Then I walked us back to the gazebo before plopping down on a wooden bench, not releasing her as she settled into my lap.

Her hair was wild around her face, and she wouldn’t look at me. Using my thumb and forefinger to lift her chin, I was taken aback to see her eyes swimming with tears. The vulnerability in them tore me apart. She’d never looked more beautiful. She’d never looked more heartbroken. I hated myself for it.

“What the hell is going on?” I asked, trying to sound teasing.

She shook her head. “Nothing. It’s stupid. I blame the beer,” she said as she scrambled off my lap and started pacing back and forth in front of me.

Just as I was about to join her, she stopped and faced me.

“Look, I didn’t mean to freak out on you. I know you don’t see me the way other guys do, so of course it would be a surprise that the star quarterback would want to take me out. I’m sorry for overreacting.”

“Sierra.” I stood and approached her, but she took a step back before I could pull her into my arms. “That’s not true. From the moment I met you, you’ve been the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Hell, I remember running home and telling my mom all about you. I felt that way then, and I still feel that way now.”

I couldn’t believe I was actually admitting that, but hey. Extreme times called for extreme measures, and this seemed to fit the bill.

Tears glistened as she let out a disbelieving laugh. “And that’s the problem. You still see me as dirty eight-year-old playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The girl who played kickball, skinning her knees, and spitting into your hand. Which is okay. I’m not the girly-girl wearing skirts and worrying about having perfect makeup. I don’t flirt or act ladylike. At least, not to you. That’s not how we are. That’s not how we’ll ever be. I’m finally realizing that.”

I wanted to tell her that she was wrong. That I didn’t see her as an eight-year-old girl. That, even though I’d been a blind fool, my eyes had finally opened. I wanted to wax poetic about her long, beautiful hair and how much I loved running my fingers through it while watching our favorite shows. How the beautiful blue of her eyes was my favorite color and, if Crayola could capture it in a crayon, I’d buy every single box until I had a lifetime supply. And her lips. God, I wanted to profess how, ever since that day in biology, her lips had had me transfixed and I wanted nothing more than a taste. I hadn’t cared that there was dead frog cut open and splayed out on the table. The way she’d sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, gasping and cursing as she’d drawn blood, had thrown all my disgust over the frog out the window. All I could see was her. All I wanted was her.

I wanted to tell her all of that.

But I didn’t, and I would regret it for the rest of the summer.

“Sierra—” I began to protest, but she cut me off, giving me a warm, watery smile.

“It’s fine, Jeremy. I promise. I have no problem being the Tod to your Copper. Or the Joey to your Dawson. That’s who I am.” She hesitated for a moment. “That’s who I’ll always be. You’re my best friend, Jeremy. It’s okay that you don’t see my boobs. Hell, it’s probably better that way.”

My stomach plummeted, and if I was man enough to admit it, my eyes burned with an unexpected rush of tears. I stepped out of the sight so she couldn’t see me. She misinterpreted the move, but before I could find a single ounce of courage, she was waving goodbye and running into her house, leaving me there to watch her go.

Something I never wanted to do again.

It wasn’t until after Sierra had left for Ohio and I’d had a chance to reflect on her words that I realized what she’d said. Dawson and Joey, as of right then, weren’t even speaking. Copper and Tod had gone their separate ways, and even though their friendship remained, they were still apart for the rest of their lives.

I didn’t want to be Copper anymore. I sure as hell didn’t want to be Dawson.

But it was too late. I’d lost my chance. I’d missed my window. Sierra was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Jenna was right.

I was an idiot.

I was unbelievable.

I was blind.

And, worst of all, I was alone.