Текст книги "Incinerate"
Автор книги: Tessa Teevan
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Текущая страница: 23 (всего у книги 26 страниц)
Chapter 34
Knox
CHARLIE’S SILENT on the ride home, and I’m lost in thought over everything that’s happened. The last nine hours or so have been a whirlwind, and if it weren’t for our clothes, I wouldn’t believe we were just celebrating Jace and Lexi’s wedding.
When Charlie got the call about her dad, my heart nearly stopped for her. Watching her as I made the drive from Florida to Tennessee, I felt helpless not being able to hold her, to comfort her. I wanted nothing more than to tell her right then how I felt, but I don’t even know if she would’ve heard me or even believed me. The thought of her losing the only family she has made me rethink Jace’s words, wondering just how long I will be willing to keep this less than serious. Life’s way too short, and if anyone’s learned that this year, it’s me. And Wade’s health scare solidified it.
When we get home, I round the car and pull Charlie out of her seat. She doesn’t even protest when I gather her up in my arms. As I make my way inside, I don’t bother turning on any lights before I head toward our bedroom. Setting her down on her feet, I unzip her dress, and she steps out of it. I grab clothes from my dresser and slip a t-shirt on over her head. Leaning down, I place a kiss on her forehead.
“It’s late, babe. Get some sleep,” I tell her. Then she climbs onto the bed and under the covers.
I take my time getting out of my uniform before moving to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When I join Charlie, I think she’s asleep, so I don’t move close to her. Lying on my back, I’m staring up at the ceiling, replaying everything over in my mind. I was so close to finally telling her how I felt, and I’m kicking myself for waiting so long. I’m pretty sure she feels the same. As much as I want to finish what I was saying to her at the reception, I think it’s best to wait for a happier time, a time when she’s not concerned or worried. Once her dad’s better, I’m finally going to tell Charlie I love her, and I’m really hoping it’s going to be sooner rather than later.
I feel the bed move, and Charlie scoots closer to me. She places her head and a hand on my chest as her body rests beside mine. Bringing my hand up, I stroke her hair as we lie in silence for a few minutes.
“He’s going to be okay, right?” she asks, her voice soft, almost timid.
“You heard the doctor. He’s out of the worst of it. They’re only keeping him to make sure he’s one hundred percent before they send him home,” I tell her, knowing she’s not going to be convinced until we’re back in the hospital and her dad’s awake. “Wade’s a tough guy, and you know Doc Branch isn’t going to let anything happen to him.”
Sighing, she absentmindedly rubs her hand over my chest. “I can’t imagine him being gone. My whole life, it’s been just him and me. I never had the chance to miss my mom because I never knew her. But Dad? He’s all I’ve ever had, and to think that he could have been taken so quickly from me?” She pauses, shaking her head against my chest. “I don’t even want to think about it. He still has so much life to live. I mean, he has to walk me down the aisle, be a grandpa to my kids… If he’s gone, who do I have?”
Wrapping my arms around her, I shift so that her back’s on the bed and I’m leaning over her.
“You have me, sweetheart. You always will,” I tell her, wiping away a lone tear that’s falling down her cheek.
Looking up at me, she slips her arms up my torso, stopping as a finger traces my tattoo. “Promise?” she asks so quietly I can barely hear her.
Nodding, I place a kiss on her lips before pulling back so I’m only inches from her face. “I promise. Always.”
Sliding her arms around my back and bringing me in closer, she closes the distance between us. “Show me,” she asks against my lips.
I try to pull away, but she holds me close. “Charlie, you need sleep. You’re exhausted,” I say, even though the feel of her skin against mine makes my dick a traitor as it hardens when her bare legs wrap around me.
“I need you, Knox. Show me. Please,” she breathes, almost begging.
And I do. Lifting her up to remove her t-shirt, I back away only to get rid of my boxers. Positioning myself in between her legs, I slide in slowly and set about showing her just how much she means to me, that I’ll never leave her, even if I haven’t been able to say the words. The entire time she clings to me, and for the first time, we’re not frantic, desperate for each other’s touch. Instead, it’s a slow burn as I make love to her at an unhurried pace. I’m trying to be tender, knowing she needs more than a quick fuck right now. She needs comfort and reassurance, not passion or heat. Her eyes are closed the entire time, and I’m wondering if she’s even here with me. It doesn’t really matter, because if this is what she needs to forget for a while, I’ll do it; I’ll help in any way I can. The room is completely silent except for our ragged breathing, and after a few minutes, her hands brace my ass.
“Harder, Knox. Please stop being so gentle,” she asks, and I pick up the pace, just a little bit, causing her to grind up against me. I want this to be different, to show her that I can be different, and it’s all because of her.
Reaching down, I begin to work her clit, stimulating her, and it’s not long before I can tell that she’s close.
“Open your eyes, baby,” I tell her, wanting her to see me, to have her undivided attention when she comes. She complies, and I reward her by finally speeding things up, pumping in and out of her rapidly until we’re both right on the edge of orgasm.
Moments later, when we’ve both found release, she pulls me down to her and places a kiss on my lips. She leaves the bed, presumably to clean up, and then comes back in. We settle into the bed together, and I move to my side but she grabs my hand and pulls me close.
“Hold me tonight?” she asks. I move in and slip my arms around her, pulling her close so our chests are touching.
“Get some sleep,” I tell her, not sure how either of us even has our eyes open at this point.
“I will. Thank you, Knox. It means the world to me that you’re here. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through this without you,” she says, and I have to shake my head. This girl has no idea.
“Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. You’ll never have to find out,” I tell her. The answer must satisfy her, because moments later, she’s sound asleep, and I know I’m not far behind her.
Charlie
THE NEXT morning, I wake up, dazed when I realize I’m in Knox’s arms, in our bed, in our home. Smiling at the thought—our home—I’m stretching when it hits me. In a rush, I lean over Knox to check the time. It’s after nine, and visiting hours have already started. Dammit! I meant to be up and ready as soon as I could, not wanting Dad to wake up without me there.
Jumping out of the bed, I remember how tender and sweet Knox was last night. It’s like he knew just what I needed. I wanted to get lost in the moment, to forget about Dad, forget everything for a little while. But he wouldn’t let me as he forced me to look at him, to know that he was the one making me feel pleasure. In the end, I was glad, because being lost in him was so much more soothing than being lost in my thoughts, and for a few moments, I was. Completely, utterly lost in him, and I didn’t care to ever be found.
“Charlie, what are you doing?” his sleepy voice asks as I start running around the room, trying to get dressed and brush my hair at the same time.
“We overslept. I need to get to the hospital,” I tell him as I head into the bathroom, where I brush my teeth, splash some water over my face, and throw my hair in a ponytail.
Going to get my phone from the nightstand, I notice I have a text. Knox is getting out of bed, and I’m distracted as he moves to his closet, where he throws on a pair of jeans and a white Henley—one that fits his toned chest and makes my mouth water every time he puts it on. I only give myself a moment to check him out when he asks about the text. “As of half an hour ago, Olivia said Dad’s still asleep but his vitals are stable.”
Crossing to me, he gives me a kiss. “See, babe, everything’s fine. Let me rinse my mouth out and then we’ll be on our away. I’ll get you there in no time.”
“You don’t have to come, Knox. I know how much you hate hospitals, and I have no idea how long I’ll be there,” I tell him, giving him an out even though I can’t stand the thought of doing this without him.
Relief washes over me when I see him shake his head. “I told you last night that I’ll always be there. If I have to walk into that hospital every single day, I’ll be there. Just give me a couple of minutes,” he says, disappearing into the bathroom.
Wandering out to the living room, I find myself pacing the floor until he emerges from the bedroom. I don’t wait as he locks up the house, and he meets me at the car, finally on our way to the hospital.
“Do you think it’s a bad sign that he’s still not awake?” I ask, wondering how long he’s going to be out.
He grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze before he drops his down to the gear shift. “Remember what the doctor said? His body’s probably just letting him sleep longer to build up his energy levels. I’m sure it’s normal.”
Knowing he’s probably right, I lean over to turn the radio on, hoping some music will drown out all the thoughts that are racing through my mind. I’m anxious to get to the hospital, to see Dad in the light of day, not the middle of the night where it was hard to really study him.
It’s not long before we’re pulling into the parking lot of the hospital. When we make it to Dad’s floor, Knox asks a nurse about his status. She checks the computer and tells us that the doctor is with him, so she instructs us to take a seat in the waiting room. I can barely sit still, and Knox grabs my hand, brushing my skin with his thumb.
“Calm down, Charlie. You don’t need to be all frazzled and out of sorts when you see your Dad. You’re the strongest woman I know, and it’s because of that man,” he says, lifting my chin so I’m looking at him. “It’s okay to break when you’re with me. I’ll hold you whenever you need me to. I’ll always be here to wipe your tears. But when you walk in that room, you walk in with your head held high. You walk in as Charlie Davenport, the strong, independent woman I’ve come to care so much about. Don’t give him anything else to worry about while he’s recovering. If he sees you crying, it’s going to crush him, so can you do that? Can you be strong for just a little while? For him?”
His words almost break me, but I know he’s right. The last thing I need to do is stress Dad out. Knox places his arms around, and I sink into his embrace, clinging to him.
“Let it out now, sweetheart,” he tells me, and I do, not caring that I’m soaking his shirt.
Eventually I’m all cried out, feeling a little bit calmer and confident that I can go see Dad without breaking down. I pull away from him just in time to see Olivia and a doctor leaving Dad’s room. Olivia spots us and walks over. She looks a little better than she did last night, but I can tell she didn’t get much sleep. Knox and I both stand, waiting to hear the news.
A smile breaks out on her face, and I’m instantly relieved. “Your dad just woke up. He’s cranky, but that’s about it. His blood pressure’s back to normal, and everything else checks out. He’s waiting for you, Charlie,” she says, and I have to stifle a sob as Knox squeezes my shoulder. “I’m going to leave you alone and go do some paperwork in my office. I’ll be around later to check on him.”
We watch as she walks away, and I start to head to Dad’s room when I realize Knox isn’t with me. Turning around, I see him standing back, hands in his pockets. Moving back towards him, I place a hand on his arm. “What’re you doing, Knox?” I ask, wondering why he’s hanging back.
“Go see your dad, Charlie. You two need some time alone together. I’ll go down and get some coffee, give you some space,” he says, and my heart melts just a little bit at his thoughtfulness.
“Thanks, Knox. That’s sweet of you,” I tell him, and I mean it. Getting up on my tiptoes, I place a soft kiss against his lips. “It’s like you can read my mind. You always anticipate my needs. As much as I hate what happened to you, I’m glad I landed on your doorstep, Knox Wellington. I know you’re probably not ready to hear this, but if I’ve learned anything in the past fifteen hours, it’s that life’s short. Too short for me not to tell you how I feel.”
He’s watching me intently, waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath and finally open up my heart to him. “I can’t exactly pinpoint when it happened. I don’t know if it as when you opened up to me about your past or when you made me burn scrambled eggs. The night you sang to me or all those times I was so infuriated by you—and by the fact that I couldn’t get you off my mind. But it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that it happened. I don’t care when or where, but Rugged, I fell in love with you, and every day you’re by my side, I fall even harder.”
I watch as he swallows hard, but I’m on a roll and I can’t stop. “I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but that’s only because we both had stuff we needed to work through. Neither one of us could’ve guessed that we’d end up working through them together. Whether you realize it or not, that’s exactly what we did. You see me, Knox, and you let me be me. And I do the same for you. I think that’s all either of us has ever needed, but we didn’t know it until now. I know this is probably way too soon, but Rugged, I love you. Love you when you’re sweet, and I love you just as much when you’re driving me crazy. I can’t imagine a life without you in it and I pray I never have to.”
Letting out a deep breath, I can’t believe I just said all that. His eyes are darting back and forth, and I didn’t miss the sharp inhale at the L word.
Rubbing a hand over his head, he then drops it and grabs my own. “Charlie—” he begins, but I cut him off. I can’t hear how it’s too soon or that he’s not ready or whatever else he’s about to say when I’m seconds away from seeing my dad.
“I don’t need you to say anything, Knox. I just needed you to know,” I say before turning around and leaving him in the waiting room alone to process everything I’ve just said.
Chapter 35
Charlie
WALKING INTO Dad’s room, I’m still shaky from what I just admitted to Knox, but I’m so glad I did. His words replay in my mind as I hear him telling me to be strong, and I vow to do just that. But when I see Dad looking so pale and weak, it’s hard to do. For Wade Davenport, I’d do anything, so I square up my shoulders and cross the room, pulling a chair up to his bedside.
“Hey, Charlie,” he says, sitting up a little taller in his bed. “Sorry to ruin your weekend getaway.”
Leaning in, I give him a kiss on the cheek before taking a seat next to him. Grabbing his hand, I shake my head. “The weather in Florida was shit, anyway,” I joke, even though I know it really wasn’t.
“Yeah, who needs all the sun and sand? I’d much rather be in forty-degree temperatures this time of year,” he jokes.
“Oh yeah, it was complete torture.”
He grins, and I love seeing him smile. “How was the wedding? Did you have a good time?” he asks, and I have to shake my head that he’s even concerned about it.
“It was great, Dad. Up until the point where you interrupted my dance with a sexy soldier,” I tell him, grinning so he knows I’m joking.
“I’m sorry, Charlie. I wish Olivia hadn’t called you. It wasn’t a big deal. I’ll be out of the hospital in a few days. There was no reason for you to cut your vacation short,” he says, and I swear, flames might be flying out of my ears.
“Are you kidding me? I’d have been angry as hell if I’d come to find you in the hospital! Olivia did the right thing, calling me. I was scared out of my mind, Dad. If I hadn’t had Knox, I have no idea how I would’ve gotten through this past day,” I tell him, saying the words but not letting myself cry.
He drops my hand as he brings his up to brush my cheek. “I didn’t mean to scare you, honey. I guess your stubborn old man’s going to have to start taking better care of himself. Olivia’s already threatened to move in and clean out my beer stash.”
“I think that’s a good idea. You need someone to be with you to make sure you’re eating right, being healthy. The doctor said if you hadn’t been in the hospital, you might not have made it. I don’t like the thought of you living alone, so maybe you should let her move in.”
“I’m a grown-ass man. I don’t need a babysitter—not you, not Olivia. I can take care of damn myself,” he growls. I now see what Olivia meant by him being cranky.
“We’ll figure it out once you get home. I can stay with you for a couple of days until you get back on your feet.”
He huffs, but he doesn’t turn down my offer. “Where’s your man? I assume he’s the one who brought you back from Florida.”
“He’s here, Dad. He just wanted to give us some time together, alone, so he went to check out the coffee shop.”
“I like him for you. He’s a good man, and he’s perfect to deal with your headstrong personality. I hope it works out,” Dad tells me, surprising me by giving me the father seal of approval.
“I hope so, too. I love him. I really do,” I admit out loud for the second time today.
His eyes start to droop, and I can tell he’s fighting the sleepiness that’s washing over him.
“I’m happy for you, honey,” he tells me, his voice trailing off as he succumbs to sleep, just as I hear a knock on the door and a throat clear.
Turning around, I’m surprised as hell. Drew’s standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, looking handsome as ever, and much better than the last time I saw him.
“Hey, Charlie,” he says, moving into the room, drawing me out of the chair and into his arms before I can protest.
The feel of his embrace is familiar, but it’s not as warm as it used to be. Pulling away, I lead him out into the hall so Dad can get some rest.
“What are you doing here, Drew?” I ask, curious as to how he even knew Dad was here.
“It’s not a big town, Charlie, and when a prominent doctor collapses, word gets around,” he says, and I’m not surprised. “Is he doing okay?”
I’m honestly touched that he cares. No matter what happened between us, we still spent a few special years together, and one screwed-up memory won’t ruin all the other ones.
“They say he’s doing fine, but I’m still scared as hell. I mean, his freaking heart stopped, for God’s sakes!” I exclaim. Drew pulls me in again, calming my outburst.
“Your dad’s a strong guy, Charlie. I have no doubt he’ll pull through this, and you’ll be whipping him into shape in no time,” he says, smiling down at me.
For a split second, I remember this. How comfortable I was with him. How easy it was. And at the same time, I remember how passionless it was. How stifled I felt, even though I didn’t realize it until I was on my own.
Backing away from him, I put a few feet of space between us. “I appreciate you stopping by, Drew,” I tell him, and I really do, but I don’t really want Knox coming back to find him here, even if I did just unload my heart on him.
Drew gives me a sad smile. “I’m not here for anything other than to be a shoulder, Charlie. I admit, when I heard what happened, I was hoping I could be your comfort, but I was coming around the corner when I caught your speech to that soldier.”
I know it’s silly, but I almost feel bad that Drew caught me confessing my love for Knox. I start to speak, but he stops me.
“Look, maybe I did come here with some misguided hope that I could win you back. But I heard what you said to him, and to be honest, I don’t think you ever loved me that way.” I start to protest, but he continues. “I think we were good together, but we got too comfortable. We didn’t have the passion, the longing. And when I saw you with him? I saw everything that was missing. Don’t get me wrong. I was an ass for cheating, and I’ll kick myself for the rest of my life over that, but in the long run, I don’t think we ever would’ve ended up together.”
Nodding, I agree. “I think you’re right. I’m sorry you had to hear me telling Knox all of that, but to be completely honest, I’ve never loved anyone the way I love him. That doesn’t mean that I don’t cherish the time we spent together, and I’ll always have fond memories of you. I did love you, Drew. I really did. I just don’t think it was in the right way.”
“I can understand that. I won’t lie. It was a shot in the heart hearing your confession, but deep down I know you’re right.” His hand comes up to stroke my cheek. “I’m so sorry for fucking everything up. Do you think in the future we could at least be friends?”
God damn my emotions, but I tear up at his words. “I’d like that, Drew. I really would. And I hope that you find someone who’s enough for you, someone you’d go to the ends of the earth for. You’re a good guy, and you deserve to be happy.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever get over fucking this one up so badly, but I’m glad you’re happy. I’ll always love you, Charlotte.” He leans down, surprising me when he kisses me on the lips—a soft, gentle one.
I’m shocked that his lips are on mine, and I have a mental freak-out, not knowing what to do. Deciding against confrontation, I press a quick peck against them before pulling away. Smiling up at him, I return his words. “I love Knox, but our time together was special. As a friend, I’ll always love you, too. ” Leaning up, I place a soft kiss on his cheek.
“I understand. I sincerely hope you’re happy, Charlie,” he says, pulling away. “You deserve it.”
Smiling at him, I finally feel at peace with what happened between us. Then I turn away as he strolls down the hall, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Knox
I’M IN a daze. A goddamn fucking daze as Charlie pours her heart out to me. When I hear the words “I love you” cross her lips, it takes everything in me not to haul her up and stake my claim, but at the last minute, I remember where we are. I’m ready to respond, to tell her that I feel the same way, but she silences me, like she doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. Moments later, I’m alone as I watch her disappear into her dad’s room.
So I leave her to visit her dad alone and head to the coffee shop, where I drink cup after cup of shitty coffee. I look at my watch and decide she’s had enough time when Doc Branch sits down across from me.
“I guess you had the same idea I did,” she says, smiling at me.
Shrugging my shoulders, I toy with my coffee cup. “I figured they could use some time alone together without me hanging in the background. I know you tried to keep it simple last night without freaking Charlie out, but now that I have you, give it to me straight. Just how bad is it?”
She sighs before taking a sip of her coffee as she looks away from me. “It was bad,” she admits, emphasizing the was, “but as soon as they figured out what was wrong and got him stable, everything looked like he was going to be okay. What I told you two was true. If he hadn’t been here—or around someone who would’ve known to perform CPR properly—well, I don’t even want to think about that. Anyway, he’s going to be fine, but he’s going to have to make some lifestyle changes to prevent another heart attack. And I’m going to make sure he does.”
Grinning at her, I know she means it. She sounds determined, and I can’t wait for the stand-offs between her and Wade to start. “You know he’s going to fight you on everything, especially during football season.”
She sets her chin. “I don’t give a damn. If I have to prepare every single meal, pour out every bottle of beer, I’ll do it. I won’t have him scaring me like that again.”
Eyeing her, I drain the last of my coffee, ready to go see my girl. “Is it serious?” I ask.
“I think so. Or well, it’s getting there at least. This scare definitely has me reevaluating things,” she says, and I nod in understanding.
“I don’t put it past a Davenport to go to extreme measures to get your attention,” I joke, and she laughs.
“And you two? Is it serious?” she asks, echoing my question. When I pause, she touches my arm. “Sorry. I know it’s none of my business. Her dad worries about her, after all that happened.”
“She loves me,” I answer, tossing her a bone, not caring for it to be a secret anymore.
She raises her eyebrows at me. “She does?” she asks, and a smug smile forms on my lips.
“She does,” I confirm. “I love her back.”
It’s the second time in the past forty-eight hours that I’ve said it out loud to someone other than Charlie. Standing up, I’m rejuvenated, anxious to finally let her know.
“And it’s about damn time I tell her.”
Doc Branch smiles at me. “Don’t let me keep you.”
And I don’t. Leaving the coffee shop, I’m energized, excited, and more than ready to pour my heart out. But as I step off the elevator, my excitement falters when I see them. When I see him.
As much as I want to charge down the hallway and scoop her up so he knows she’s mine, I remember how she responded when I went all crazy over her sparring with Chris. Instead, I move off to the side and watch as Charlie interacts with her ex, the professor, who’s all decked out in a suit, looking professional, successful. Branson’s words echo in my mind. You know she’s just going to end up leaving you, too. I shake the words out of my mind, knowing I can’t let him get to me again, but then I see him embrace her and whisper something in her ear.
It isn’t until she leans back that I find relief, but it’s short-lived as I watch him lean in, placing his lips on her. She stills, but then I see her lips press back against him before she quickly pulls away. They exchange a few more words before she gives him a kiss on the cheek. I may not be a lip-reader, but I know what I love you looks like, and my blood runs cold as I watch her say those words. A moment later, he turns to leave and his eyes widen when he recognizes me. Passing by, he gives me a simple head nod, and then he’s gone. When I turn back to Charlie, she’s already gone back in her dad’s room.
What the fuck just happened? Was she not just telling me the same damn thing an hour ago? Why the hell would she tell him that, too? And then fucking kiss him? My girl’s lips were on another man’s, and it takes everything in me not to punch something right now. I’m ready to burst into the room and back her against the wall, show her that there’s no way she can go back to him. I’m too fucking gone to lose her now. She’s engrained in my mind. She’s in my heart—fuck, she has my heart—and it wasn’t until now that I truly realize how much I’ve come to need her. Because the thought of not having Charlie? The thought of her with someone else? I’m not sure if I’d ever recover, and I’m scared as hell that I’m about to find out what it feels like.
And just like that, his fucking voice fills my head again. One day she’ll wake up and want something, someone more. Might as well get used to it.
