Текст книги "Blurred Lines"

Автор книги: Tamsyn Bester

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Chapter 6

Jade

I’m gonna love her for both of us

My father stood across from me, and I was grateful for the large island in the kitchen that separated me from his anger. I don’t ever remember seeing him so angry before – and all because my mother had dropped the ‘our twenty year old daughter is pregnant’ bombshell. Yeah. He wasn’t taking it so well.

“What were you thinking?” He half-shouts, barely containing his anger. The vein in his neck pulsed, sending all his blood to his face. “You are twenty years old with your entire life ahead of you, and you screw it up by screwing around?”

I flinched, not only at his abrasive tone, but also at his insinuation that I slept around.

“Cálmese!” My mother admonishes, urging my father to calm down while her own temper is rising. “There is no need to yell at her like that, she’s not a child.”

“Oh but she is,” my father snaps, glaring at my mother. “Adults do not make such stupid mistakes like getting knocked up while in college.”

I stood still, watching him have it out with my mother. I felt strangely removed from the entire situation, and couldn’t muster up the need to argue with him. There wasn’t much point since my father was the ‘if I want your opinion I’ll give it to you’ type. His response surprised me, especially his anger, because until now he’d always been very supportive of everything I’d done, mistakes included. He’d never shouted, lost his temper, or made me feel stupid. Then again, none of my other mistakes had ever been so...consequential.

“Sleeping around? You make it sound like our child is a whore!” My mother snarled.

“Does she know who the father is?” Asked my father. He turned towards me, his expression tight. “Do you?”

I jumped at the hardness in his voice, and felt my own indignation simmering below the surface of my skin. I flexed my fingers at my side, struggling to stay composed.

“Yes,” I replied, keeping my voice even despite the slight tremor. “It’s Reid.”

My father’s head snapped back. “Reid?”

I nodded once, my eyes darting between my parents.

“Well where is he? Why isn’t he here?”

I opened my mouth to reply, but then stopped when I realized that my answer wasn’t as simple as I’d thought. It wasn’t black and white, and telling my father the truth would only add fuel to an already volatile fire.

“If you won’t tell me, I’ll find him myself!”

My father started for the front door, and I raced after him in a panic.

“Don’t!” I grabbed his forearm, and pulled him back. He turned, his tall figure looming over me.

“Why not? He should be here with you, telling us he’s the one responsible for this!”

“Erik -” my mother started but I cut her off.

“He doesn’t know.” The first tear slipped over my eyelid, and I flicked it away quickly. I hated showing emotion, but for some reason my chest was tight, and filled to the brim with everything I was feeling.

With pinched brows, and a taut expression, my father looked at my mother and then back at me. “Do you think he’ll stick around once he does know? He is no more prepared to be a father than you are a mother, Jade. He’ll run the moment he finds out, and then what?”

“Then I’ll love her enough for the both of us!” I cried. “Reid can make his decision once I tell him, but either way, this baby” – I flattened my palm against my still flat belly – “will be loved by me.”

I will love her. I already do.

We had yet to find out the gender, but I had a feeling in my gut that it was a little girl. My little blessing.

“So you’re going to throw away your future, your dreams for this child?” My father barked. “You can’t be that reckless! You’re not ready to be a parent!”

I straightened my shoulders, and stood tall. “What would you know about being a parent?” I asked through gritted teeth. “You’re never here.”

My fathers’ face remained stoic, but his reaction to my words reflected back at me through his eyes, contrition shining the brightest.

“This was not part of my plan,” I said, swallowing back the emotion clogging my throat. “And neither was falling in love with my best friend,” – my fathers’ eyes widened at that – “but plans change, and I will adjust. With or without yours and moms help.”

I turned on my heel, and ran up the stairs. My mother called after me but I needed out. I heard her say something to my father, but the words were muted the closer I got to my bedroom.

My mother had left everything the same, even though I’d been going to college and living away from home for two years. The walls were still light purple, with the white furniture my parents had bought me for my sixteenth birthday, and the king-sized canopy bed with dark purple bedding. As a girl I loved spending my time here, reading, listening to music...hanging out with Reid.

Our parents were best friends – Reid’s father had gone to college with mine, and they played golf together every Sunday when they weren’t away on business, and our mothers were always in contact, whether it was at some social event, or afternoon lunches with girlfriends.

We’d been interwoven into each other’s lives from birth, and now the ties that kept us bound were coming undone. At least that’s how it felt.

I took out my phone, and saw several missed calls, and texts, most of which were from Reid. I couldn’t bring myself to return them, or call him back. I knew I’d have to see him soon, but until then I could pretend that I wasn’t scared of how things were going to change after I told him I was pregnant. I could pretend that I wasn’t going to feel guilty for altering the course of his life, and I could pretend that the fear of losing him wasn’t going to drown me.

** ** ** ** **

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep, but I woke up feeling better than I’d felt in weeks. It was a strange sense of calm, and I reveled in the lack of inner turmoil that had been plaguing me lately. A peel of laughter coming from downstairs caught my attention, and after slipping into a light silk robe, and freshening up in the bathroom, I made my way to the kitchen. My mother was sitting at the breakfast bar, a cup of coffee in her hands, smiling at my two friends. Kennedy smiled when I walked in, while Grady looked at me pointedly and huffed in disapproval.

“Took you long enough,” he said. His mouth tipped up into a half-grin, and he pushed away from the counter to envelope me in a hug. “We’ve been waiting for you to wake up for two hours already.”

“What are you even doing here?” I asked, looking between him and Kennedy. “You’re supposed to be in Cabo for the rest of the week.”

Kennedy stepped up to my other side, and rested her arm over my shoulders. “We go where you go,” she said happily. Her blonde hair was hanging loose over her shoulders, and her skin was perfectly sun-kissed.

“How are you feeling?” Asked my mother. She watched me from over the rim of her coffee cup, and I caught her meaning.

“Rested,” I replied, half-smiling. “Can I have some coffee, please?”

My mother stood, and went about making me some much needed java, while I took a seat. She placed it in front of me, and leaned in to kiss my temple. “Decaf,” she whispered. “Make sure you eat something, por favor.”

“Si, mama.”

“I’ll give you some time alone with your friends,” she added, speaking to all of us. “I’ll be in the study if you need me.” Her heels clicked on the tiled floor, and my nerves started thrumming in rhythm with her steps. Reid should be the first to hear, but I was bursting to tell someone, and I trusted that neither Kennedy nor Grady would spill. It was working up the courage to tell them that I was having difficulty with.

“So,” Grady sat down next to me, “before we get to the d-r-a-m-a that you missed in Cabo, are you feeling better? Did you see the doctor?”

Kennedy stood at my other side, and looking between them I realized I was safe. They weren’t going to judge me, or make me feel like a complete screw up.

I could tell them.

“I’m pregnant,” I blurted out.

Their eyes widened, and their mouths popped open.

“Jade...” Kennedy’s expression turned sympathetic, and that’s when I felt my chest crack.

“Oh baby girl.” Grady’s arms came around me, and then Kennedy’s. There in the comfort of my friends’ arms, I allowed myself a private moment to fall apart because I was terrified.

Terrified of not being ready for what came next.

Terrified of facing it alone.

Terrified of having Reid turn his back on me one last time and never looking back.

The thought of not having him in my life – even as things stood between us now – was paralyzing.

“Have you told him?” Asked Kennedy, her blue eyes filled with care.

“No,” I replied around the lump in my throat. “But I know I’ll have to do it soon. My next doctor’s appointment is in four weeks, when I find out whether it’s a girl or a boy, and I’d like to think he’d want to be there for that.”

“What do you think he’ll say?”

I looked at Grady as he rubbed up and down my back. “I’m not sure. I think that scares me more than actually telling him.”

His gaze drifted up to meet Kennedy’s and a strange unspoken message passed between them.

“What?”

With a sigh, Kennedy sat down next to me and said, “We have to tell you something.”

Grady shifted on my other side, but I kept my eyes trained on Kennedy. My stomach dropped before she said anything, and my body stiffened in response.

“After the...incident...with Stella,” she started, “Reid told Dane that Stella had a busted lip, and a bruise on the side of her face. Stella said you did it.”

“But you saw the whole thing,” I replied. “I didn’t put a hand on her.”

“I know, but I saw her face this morning, and he was telling the truth.”

“And he believed her?”

Kennedy dropped her head and I knew that Reid did in fact believe whatever bullshit Stella had told him.

“She also told him you threatened her,” added Grady. “But he wouldn’t repeat exactly what Stella told him. He said he wanted to talk to you first.”

I laughed bitterly, and the bile rising in my throat burned. “What’s the point? He already believes her.”

Grady reached over and covered my hand with his. “We know she’s lying, and we’ll find out exactly what the psycho bitch did to get her face to look like you’d pummeled her. You can’t get upset over this, okay? Right now you have to take care of yourself, and we’re gonna be with you all the way.”

As much as I appreciated their support, I’d reached a point where I was tired of feeling like some kind of victim of whatever Stella was doing. I’d decided to get back to being my old self, and there was no way some Psycho Hobbit was going to stop me. I was done fighting, and no matter what the outcome was going to be after I told Reid about my pregnancy, I was done with the stupid game we’d been playing. I was done dancing around him, the tatters of our friendship, and his bitch of a girlfriend. I had someone who mattered more than all of that.

I sat up straight, braced my shoulders, and inhaled.

“If he wants to talk, then we’ll talk, but if he thinks I’m fighting Stella for him any longer, he’s wrong.”

Chapter 7

Reid

Let Her Go

I checked my phone for the umpteenth time, noting that it was, in fact, quite late. It was already nightfall, and as I stepped out of my Range Rover I wondered if I was making a mistake. Jade had to have been sleeping, but after landing at the airport only a few hours ago, I had to speak to her.

Stella and I had stayed for the rest of our trip to Cabo, while Dane, Kennedy and Grady had left soon after Jade. Every instinct in my body told me to go with them, but like the idiot I was, I stayed behind with Stella instead. She seemed a little more relaxed once we were alone, and I couldn’t help but be bothered by how much she disliked my friends. I thought it would have taken her some time to get used to our group, so I never thought much of it, but I was starting to see things now, that hadn’t been so obvious before.

I crossed the dimly lit road, and up the familiar drive way leading up to Jade’s house. My parents lived right next door, but they weren’t home, and even if they were, it was too late to call on them now anyway.

I pulled my black, leather jacket closer to my body, and fought the chill in the air as I expelled a smoky breath. I was cold, freezing, but it had less to do with the temperature and more with the chill inside me. I hadn’t spoken to Jade in days, since our confrontation at the hotel, and she’d ignored every attempt I’d made to get in touch. That only made my already frayed nerves over what I was going to do intensify. I knew things with Stella and I couldn’t stay the same – I was unhappy – but I had no idea how to judge where that left my relationship with Jade. We were supposed to be heading back to school tomorrow, and I decided to get this out the way before we were forced to see each other every day and pretend.

Wanting some kind of resolution was what led me to her front door.

I knocked, hoping someone would still be awake, and the moment I thought no one would answer, the door opened, revealing my very own girl-next-door.

“Reid?”

Jade’s hair was tied up, and hung loosely over one shoulder, and she wore a grey U of B hoodie – my grey hoodie -, light purple sleep shorts, and a pair of white knitted Ugg boots that I’d bought her for her birthday last year. I stood there, transfixed. She looked tired though, and while I was relieved that she’d answered, I was also worried about her.

“Hey,” I said, finding my words. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Amidst the frigid winter temperature, the air between us still crackled, filling with my need to pull her to me and hold her close, and the unspoken words that could no longer remain unspoken.

“Can I come in?” I asked. I inhaled the cold air, and caught a whisper of Jade’s favorite perfume. It made my insides tingle in remembrance, knowing what her skin tasted like when mixed with that scent, and our sweat. It was both heady, and a punch to the gut, winding me all at once.

“It’s late,” she replied. “What are you doing here?”

Her voice was soft, but I caught the undercurrent of uncertainty lingering under her breath.

I shuffled on my feet, wiping my sweaty hands on the inside of my pockets, and cleared my throat. “You haven’t returned my texts or my calls,” I shivered, “We need to talk.”

She bit her lip, and hesitated slightly before swinging the door open, and stepping back so that I could walk in. The foyer was dark, but I saw light coming from the living room, and figured she must’ve been on the sofa when I knocked on the door.

“Why are you still up?” I asked. It was the first thing I could think of to ask to break the uncomfortable silence crashing around us.

“I was restless,” – she looked down, and folded her arms around herself – “I was just reading.”

Her teeth started to chatter, and I stepped forward with every intention of rubbing her arms to stave off the cold, but stopped myself when her head shot up.

“You’re not dressed warm enough,” I chided, taking notice of the bags under her brown eyes. Wasn’t she sleeping? Was she troubled?

“I’m fine, Reid,” she sighed. “You said you wanted to talk?”

Her impatience snapped me out of my inner monologue about her wellbeing, and I stood taller. I couldn’t afford to allow that part of me to override what I’d come here to do, and that was to talk, to clear the air, and figure out where we went from here.

“Yeah, I uh....” I scraped my hands though my hair, once against struggling to separate what I had to do with how I felt about the woman standing in front of me. “I need to know what happened with you and Stella.”

Jade’s eyes pierced mine, and the urge to pull away was strong. I didn’t want her to see the choices I’d made, or the regret colliding with indecision. She could read me like an open book, when the rest of the world didn’t even fucking bother looking past the surface. It was one of many reasons she’d been my best friend since, well, forever.

She walked past me, into the living room, and I followed, slipping my jacket off and placing it on the arm of the sofa. She took a seat, and looked up at me as if waiting for me, like she had an idea of what was going to be said.

“Might as well say it,” I twisted to face her, “You think whatever happened to Stella’s face is my doing.”

I frowned. “You know what happened, then?”

“Kennedy and Grady filled me in, yes, and I’m struggling to understand why you believe I did it.”

“I’m not sure what to believe,” I replied honestly. “But it was hard not to take her side when I saw her face, Jade.”

Jade looked away, hurt, and fiddled with her fingers. We’d never been so fidgety around each other, and it was a sad testament to how far apart we’d grown. She’d never been uncomfortable around me, and now it looked like she was ready to bolt.

“You know,” she swallowed, lifting her head to look at me, “I was hoping that knowing me all our lives would have entitled me to getting the benefit of the doubt, at least, but obviously I was expecting too much.”

“I saw her face Jade, what was I supposed to do? You’d already left by the time I wanted to talk to you.”

“You’d already made up your mind,” she snapped.

“Jesus,” I groaned. “I’m not accusing you of anything.”

“Then what are you doing here, if not to accuse me?”

“To talk, dammit, and to figure out what the problem is.”

Jade huffed. “Stella is the problem, but I guess you just don’t see it. Everyone else can see her for what she is, why can’t you?”

“She’s only a problem because you don’t like her, and she knows it!”

Jade reared back as if I’d physically slapped her. “I’m not the one who told you we can’t be friends, Reid.”

A bitter laugh stumbled from my mouth, and the words followed before I could stop them. “I can see why blaming it all on Stella for that would be convenient for you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means you are somewhat responsible for what happened between us. You decided we couldn’t be friends anymore, way before I started seeing Stella.”

Nothing was going as planned, but the only way we were going to work it out was to verbalize everything we kept to ourselves. She had to know, once and for all, that she’d done some irreparable damage to me too. I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. It was starting to gnaw away at me.

“We made a mistake,” she said angrily. “But if I recall correctly you were there too, and now there’s no going back.”

“This is where I disagree,” I replied, fighting the natural inclination to shout. Jade got me riled up in every way, and fighting with her, however wrong, was always my first reaction. Knowing that she regretted us stung. “You decided for both of us we couldn’t be more. You ran scared, and now you want to blame my girlfriend because you’re jealous.”

Jade’s face remained hard, but her eyes had glazed over at some point, and the guilt pulled at me. I didn’t want it to be this way, but once I opened the door to our now screwed up friendship I couldn’t close it. It was too late, and I was afraid we were really and truly done for.

“I think you should leave now,” she said, standing quickly. I jumped up and took hold of her arm. She spun to face me, hitting me with the force of those boundless brown eyes that I’d spent all my life drowning in.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I said, pulling her closer. “Not until you’ve heard everything I have to say.”

“What more is there, Reid? You’ve moved on, and I’m trying my best to stay away because it’s what Stella wants – ”

“Moved on?” I asked incredulously. “You think I’ve moved on? I’m trying to fill the fucking hole you left with someone who will never compare. Don’t you get it?”

Jade bit her lip but I still saw the slight quiver. She was emotional, more so than usual, and I wondered if the end of our friendship had taken a bigger toll on her than I’d initially assumed. Maybe she was just as bruised on the inside as I was, trying to figure how to continue living even though we had to do it without each other.

“Then why are you with her?” Her voice was husky, and thick and unlike I’d ever heard it before. Jade had always been so strong, so willful, and she never showed weakness. But she was showing it all now, allowing me to see that she’d been suffering.

“You did this,” I whispered harshly, ignoring her question. “You made me move forward without you, and God I’m fucking trying but you’re making it impossible!” My voice had risen, and Jade whimpered when I lowered my face to hers.

“Being with Stella is better than being alone and pining for the woman who fucking destroyed me two months ago. She’s not perfect, and I don’t think I love her, but if it means I won’t hurt anymore, I’ll fucking try.”

Jade’s hot breath fanned my face as she squeezed her eyes closed. Her mouth was so close, and I was so tempted to kiss her, crush her body up against mine and never let her go – but I had to. She didn’t want me, and there was only so much a man could take.

“I miss you,” I murmured, pressing my forehead against hers and holding her forearms. “But I can’t do this, Jade. You’ve broken me baby,” I swallowed, struggling to speak calmly without cracking in front of her, “and I have to put myself back together the best way I know how. You walked away first, and I’m just doing what you want.”

Her eyes opened, and I thought I saw her pleading with me not to give up. I wanted to keep fighting, but how could I when she’d given up on us first? I couldn’t do it alone. I needed her at my side.

She delivered her final blow with “I’m sorry,” and I delivered mine with “Te quiero.” I love you.

I let go of her arms, and she cupped her mouth to silence her cries. As much as I wanted to blame her for all of this, I couldn’t. I never planned any of this, but if I’d known this would be the outcome I might have found the strength to stop it before we lost everything.

I stepped away, and grabbed my jacket from the sofa to leave. Jade leaned against the wall, and slid down until she was crouching on the floor. I wanted to comfort her, tell her it would all be okay, but I wasn’t going to lie just to appease her. She made a choice, and without thinking about what would happen afterwards, she made us both pay the ultimate price.

Losing each other.