Текст книги "Degrade"

Автор книги: T. L. Smith

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.

~Sigmund Freud~

I stay quiet. I can see it in her eyes that she’s had enough; that I’m breaking her down more and more each day. Though that won’t change, I won’t change who I am, or how I treat her. I’ve treated her the best out of any woman I’ve ever been with. She gets me more than anyone ever has. I don’t like to spend time with people, but I do it with her ‘cause I know it makes her happy. It’s the least I can give her. She sighs and looks out of the window, disappointment written across her face when I don’t say anything. I think it’s time for this to end, I can’t keep on doing this to either one of us. I care for her, I don’t do love, but it’s close enough to what I feel for her. And I’ve broken all my rules for her, to give her what she wants. To make this work, I just can’t any longer.

We walk silently into my house, nothing is around that’s hers. I asked her to move in, asked her to quit her job until she found something she was interested in. I support her, some might think, but really it was the other way around. I use her, abuse her, and eat it all up.

She cooks for me, organizes things I don’t have time to do. Stays home when I go out all night, never asking questions. Never questioning anything. She’s the perfect doll. Resilient at first. But eventually I’ve broken her in, well fucked her in.

She heads for the bedroom, the only clue that there’s a woman living here. I follow and watch as she sits down on the bed and her eyes go glassy, but she doesn’t cry. I’ve never seen her break. She’s a strong a girl, correction was a strong a girl.

“I don’t think I can do this,” she says in a shaky breath.

“I don’t think you should.” She looks up at me with hope, but she misunderstood me. I correct it. “I think you should leave,” I say and walk to my closet, placing my jacket on a hanger. Her breathing is heavier now; I can hear it from across the room.

“You should have let me be to start with, so why couldn’t you?” she screams at me, her anger shining through. It’s turning me on.

“I get what I want, Bexley. I wanted you, and now I’ve had you!” I know I'm cold to her, it’s what she needs to hear. It’s what I need to hear.

“I could fucking cut you right now, you insensitive bastard. Don’t you care about how I feel? About what you’ve done to me? I was never this woman, this woman that drops everything for a man. Fuck! The man should drop everything for me. I’m a fucking prize you piece of shit,” she screams and slaps me hard across the face. She goes to do the same thing again and I catch her wrist in my hand.

“Once is all you get,” I seethe. She smirks through soaked eyes, and I know Bexley is coming out. The wild one, the beautiful one. Not the one I’ve broken down to please me. She leans in like she’s going to tell me something, and then all of a sudden I drop her hand and fall to my knees on the floor. The bitch kicked me in my cock and it fucking hurts.

I feel her breath on my neck. “Don’t contact me again, you prick. I will have you killed,” she says with such anger in her voice which is a total surprise. This also turns me on. I stand and grab her by the waist, my lips touch hers and at first I think she’s giving in, but then she bites. She bites my lip so hard I can taste blood.

I don’t stop, though; I have had worse than that, way worse. I grab her ass pulling her to me and sliding my other hand down the front of her jeans. She’s wet, I knew she would be. She tries to resist, she bites me again, and I know my lip is going to be swollen and sore. I can taste the metallic tang in my mouth, but it only pushes me on further, making me want her more. Her hands are at my side, her nails digging into my skin, clawing at it, probably causing me to bleed there as well.

I step back, not moving my hand from her ass and tear her shirt off in one go. She snarls at me and looks down at her now exposed breasts. I undo her pants, pulling them down and going to my knees. I can smell her; she’s soaking wet just for me. Like always.

My tongue touches her once her jeans are off, her tiny G-string ripped off as well. Her head falls back, her hands are now in my hair and pulling so hard my scalp starts to scream out in protest. It doesn’t stop me. Soon she’s writhing under my tongue, her legs going weak. I support her and lick one final time, starting at her entrance and working my way up to her clit, a loud moan escaping her mouth. My finger is next and I stand still holding her. I pull my cock free, stroking it once then plunging it straight into her, my pants fall to my feet. Her legs come up around my waist, her nails go to my back slowly making their way down to my ass, where she grabs and squeezes hard. I can feel her climax coming fast, mine just as close.

“You like being beneath me don’t you?” I say to her and drop her on the bed with myself still inside her. She says nothing. “You like the way I fuck you like you’re my fucking whore.” Her eyes shoot open and she slaps me again across the face. I grab her hands and place them up over her head, restraining her, and driving into her so hard she screams and arches her back. My mouth latches to one of her nipples and I bite her hard, leaving my imprint on her.

She comes when my mouth attaches to her other breast, and I follow closely behind. Dropping on top of her to catch my breath, I stand and head straight for the shower. I turn the light on and look at myself. My lip is swollen like I’ve been punched, hard. Blood is all over my mouth. My stomach has scratch marks and is covered with traces of blood. She has imprinted herself on me, and not in a way I thought she would have.

As soon as I finish I wrap a towel around my waist and head for the bedroom. When I get there, she’s gone. I turn on the light in the walk in closet and see all her things are missing.

She’s gone.

I run to the front door, hoping to catch sight of her one last time. But I don’t, she’s done. Disappeared without a goodbye.

If you do not love me I shall not be loved if I do not love you I shall not love.

~Samuel Beckett~

I’m back in New York, working and making my father proud. ‘Cause that’s what a good daughter is meant to do, right? The day I left Zeke, I left a piece of me there with him. One I can’t get back, one I don’t think I will ever get back. He was never good for me, not someone I could have had a happy ever after with, I know this now. I just didn’t want to believe it. He hasn’t tried to contact me, hasn’t attempted to see me though he’d have a difficult time doing so. He never knew much about me, didn’t care to learn. I never gave him any information willingly. He would’ve run from me or possibly killed me if he knew who I really was.

I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving, I literally packed a bag and went straight to the airport. Ember tried calling me a week after I left, I left her a message to tell her I’d moved back home, and I’d call her when I could. She gave up waiting for me to call and has now started calling me.

“Do I need to kick some serious ass?” Ember asks into the phone sounding serious. I want to laugh, but I can’t.

“No, I left him, Ember.”

“Oh!” Is her reaction. “Why?” she asks sounding curious.

“It was going nowhere, I had to do it for my own sanity.”

“I’m here for you, you know that right?” she asks and I nod my head and tell her goodbye.

****

I know I’ve talked about my relationship with Tragger before and the reasons I left, but what you don’t know was that I was engaged to him. There was no love, no lust. He was a family friend, someone I worked with. I didn’t feel a connection with him or anything like the feelings I had with Zeke. God, just thinking about him makes my heart hurt.

Zeke had this way of capturing your attention, holding it and consuming it. I’ve only met one person that hasn’t been as captivated by him as I was, and that was Aria. But she’s not one to be blinded, she’s different.

Tragger’s gorgeous. Totally good looking, but for me, there wasn’t much there. He’s a bad boy as well, just not in the same league as Zeke. Complete opposites, Zeke is dangerous and manipulative, Tragger is good, but a player. He’s covered in tattoos and piercings. Something I thought I was attracted to, until Zeke.

I’m meeting Tragger at a local coffee shop. He rang me when he heard I was back and wanted to meet up. I told him I didn’t want anything more. He claimed he understood and just wanted to see me. So I agreed.

As I walk in I see him, he’s hard to miss. He’s as large as Zeke, probably even larger. Girls seem to stare at him, either in awe or perhaps they’re scared, I’m not sure which. He sees me and smiles, his lip ring inching up. He’s dressed in jeans and a baseball cap, his white shirt clinging to his toned body. I wish I felt for him what he feels for me, my heart might have been safe with him. Not abused and used like it was with Zeke.

“Bexley.” He draws me in for a hug and I let him for a second before pulling back. He indicates for us to sit. He takes my hand and holds it in his across the table, his gorgeous green eyes pulling me in.

“You just left,” he says, wondering why.

“I had to. I needed some time away, some me time,” I say trying to pull my hand away, but he doesn’t let go.

“We were worried, Bexley. Me, your father, work. You scared us,” he says trying to make me feel guilty. I’ve known Tragger forever, his family is friends with mine, and we were raised together, even took up the same work as one another.

“I’m back now,” I say with a forced smile. He moves his seat closer to me, putting less distance between us.

“You are, will you try again?” he asks and I raise my eyebrow. “With me,” he says, and I have to think of a nice way to say no. I can’t say yes. I don’t love him that way. I love Zeke, even though I wish I didn’t.

“Bexley!” My name is shouted from behind me. I turn ignoring Tragger and see Aria of all people standing there. I look at her and smile, her eyes go behind me where Tragger is sitting and they change. She looks at our hands, and her head drops to the side in question. I go to shake my head to tell her no when I see who she’s with…Zeke.

His eyes aren’t on me; they’re on Tragger and his hand. His eyes speak multiple levels of violence – kill, looks to be one of them, which is weird, he isn’t usually possessive. So his reaction has me surprised and makes me slip my hand from Tragger and drop it into my lap. Aria walks in, but Zeke stays at the door, his eyes going from me to Tragger.

“I’ve missed you, skank,” Aria says leaning in and kissing my cheek. I smile and her eyes go behind me, glued to Tragger.

“Sorry, life’s been busy,” I say, not knowing what else to say.

“Hey, don’t apologize to me. I’m fine with you growing a backbone and leaving,” she says winking at me.

“I’m Tragger.” Tragger steps forward and holds his hand out for Aria, to which she looks him up and down and turns to me and smiles. Dismissing him.

“Hey, why don’t you go out and say hello while I talk to your friend,” she says pointing to Zeke, who looks like he’s guarding the front door. I shake my head no, but I look to Tragger and see his attention is solely on Aria. Hypnotized by her.

My steps are languid. I can’t look at him. But I feel his eyes on me. I stop at the door and he opens it, allowing me to walk through. He follows, and we both stop out the front, without an audience.

My eyes go back inside to where Aria and Tragger are sitting. A smirk taking up his face as he watches her.

“Who’s the guy, Bexley?” Zeke asks, pulling my attention back to him. His eyes are hard, gray with anger, not lust. I think.

“A friend,” I whisper.

“Who is he to you, Bexley?” he asks stepping closer, his smell encasing me.

“My ex-fiancé,” I barely whisper, but he hears me, I know he does. Then he’s on me, his body trapping me to the side of the building.

“You want him? You want to fuck him as you do me?” He breathes in my ear, nipping it as he does.

“No,” I say, wishing I had the will power to tell him differently.

“Come to me tonight. Let me show you what you walked out on,” he says kissing me now, then sucking. Marking me. I shake my head no, and he stops then grabs my hand and pulls me along while he briskly walks, my legs trying to catch up to him and falling in the process. He catches me just before I hit the floor and picks me up. When I look up I’m cradled in his arms. I notice we’re out the front of a hotel, a hotel he’s now walking us into.

Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.

~Ben Hecht~

Aria saw her first, and she made us stop to look. I know why, she saw that man with her and she’s sick of my attitude. She wants to shoot me with one of her arrows, or so she’s told me a number of times. She’s been staying in my area for her work and is annoying the living hell out of me. But she’s growing on me, and I now understand why she’s so good at what she does. Dominic picked well, she’s a firecracker. Someone you either love or hate. I’m on the verge of both. She was pissed when she came around and didn’t find Bexley at mine, and she immediately took me to task. I dismissed her and she’s decided to annoy me ever since. She’s growing on me, and she doesn’t take my shit and gives it right back. She wants me to fight for Bexley, but she tells me that Bexley is too good for me and I agree.

When I saw her sitting there, with that man’s hands on her, I tried to calm myself. Told myself not to risk everything by going in and shooting him straight in the head. When her eyes landed on mine, and I saw the hurt I’ve inflicted, I knew I didn’t have a right. So I stayed where I was and kept my distance. Though I knew Aria would change that, she’s a fucking meddler that woman. I knew when she walked out, it must’ve had something to do with Aria, and I will make it up to her later. I need to touch her and to taste her. It’s been two torturous months since I’ve had my fill of Bexley, two agonizingly long months.

When I was close enough to smell her, I was instantly hard. She smells of cotton candy. She told me about that man, and I calmed myself with her touch. Now she’s in my arms because I have a feeling my demands won’t work on her any longer.

Her eyes search mine when I push the button on the elevator. I search hers too, missing her more than I’m willing to admit.

“What are we doing, Zeke?” she asks trying to get down. I lift her back up and keep her in my arms. She sighs and drops her head back to my chest. The elevator dings, and I walk out with her in my arms. When I reach my suite, I take her straight into my bedroom, laying her on the bed. She sits up and looks at me.

“You just want sex?” she asks seriously.

“I want you,” I tell her, but sex is what I need right now.

“Only for now,” she says standing, stepping closer to me. “I shouldn’t be here with you, it’s a bad idea,” she says shaking her head, trying to convince herself. But when my hand touches and wraps around her, she comes willingly.

“All the best ideas are bad, Bexley,” I tell her, knowing this for a fact.

“Not with you, they aren’t,” she says leaning up to me. I bring my lips down, touching hers, tasting her. I pull at her clothes, wanting them removed, wanting to feel her. Her dress drops easily, leaving her in just a thin piece of material and no bra.

“Have you missed me, Bexley?” I ask grabbing her ass and squeezing hard. My hands feel their way back up her body, stopping just under her breasts. I push her back so she drops onto the bed. She looks up, her eyes fixated on me. I remove my clothes fast needing her desperately. I grab a condom, undoing it with my teeth and sliding it down. She watches everything I do.

“Looks like you’ve missed me,” she says eyeing my cock. I laugh at her, she makes me smile.

“Oh, yes, I have,” I say leaning down, hovering over her body. “I’ve missed your legs,” I tell her, dragging my hand up her leg. “I’ve missed your pussy, so fucking much,” I say laying my hand over the piece of material that is covering her heat. “I’ve missed these breasts,” I tell her using my teeth to pinch her nipple with my mouth. “But fuck, nothing prepared me for the loss of you,” I say closing in on her, my hands grabbing her face, smashing my lips to hers. She writhes underneath me, bringing herself up a fraction. I slide her panties off and lick my fingers, placing my hand between us and playing with her clit, sucking and licking my way down her body until I reach her breasts and bite into her nipple. That’s the thing with Bexley, she likes it rough. It makes her even wetter. I can’t stand it anymore, I need in her. I can’t prepare her anymore, to make her come first. I need her…I need to fuck her like I’ve missed her.

“Oh, my fucking God,” she screams as I enter her. I try not to laugh, she’s so damn tight. I smile thinking she hasn’t been with anyone since the last time. She arches up, her breasts in my face and her hands in my hair. Trailing their way down, scraping as they do across my back, inflicting pain as she goes.

“Fuck me like it’s the last time you will see me, Zeke,” she says looking at me. I should have stopped then, that’s the moment everything changed. I should’ve known, but I was to lost in her. Like I will always be. She calls me the devil, but it’s her devil ways that have me hooked. I’ve never gone back to a woman, never wanted them again after things have ended. But the moment I saw her, I knew I had to have her.

I throw her legs over my shoulders, lift her up so she’s in the shape of a U and she clings to me. My hands holding her, I pull her up and slam her back down as she screams out in pleasure. I do it again this time harder and faster, wearing both of us out. I fuck her into what I hope will be submission, but I should’ve known better. Known she was not who she said she was. Should have learned more about her. I watch as she comes undone while I’m in her, watch as her head drops back in pure pleasure, and all I can do is be hypnotized by her sheer beauty.

I drop her back onto the bed knowing I’m missing a meeting I should be attending right now and hoping Aria has that covered for me. I lay next to her and watch, as she passes out without a smile on her face.

My phone rings, it’s what wakes me from after my afternoon with Bexley. When I wake, she isn’t there. I grab the phone and see Aria’s name and answer it.

“Please tell me you got laid and you’re no longer a Debbie Downer,” she whines into the phone.

“What do you want, Aria,” I say scratching at my face and waking up.

“Meeting went well. I’m going out tonight. See you at home when I get there,” she says and hangs up. Shit, I forgot to ask how it went. This is what she’s doing to me. This is why we can’t possibly work.

I stand naked from my bed and walk out to the living room of my suite. I’m surprised when I don’t see Bexley. She’s gone. Her clothes are gone, her shoes are gone, everything is gone. I guess she didn’t want to say goodbye, just wanted a revenge fuck.

Love is a game that two play and both win.

~Eva Gabor~

As soon as he was asleep, I was out of there. I didn’t need to stay any longer. It was a mistake to go there in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone, I should have been stronger and walked in the other direction the minute I saw him. Nothing good will come out of being with him. We’re from two entirely different worlds, and I don’t see how they can combine. Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way.

I go straight to the office. I’ve been back at work since I returned, my father requesting so. Tragger is there when I walk in. He looks at me and shakes his head, telling me it’s not a good time to see him. I sit at my desk and do the required paperwork for the day, and get lost in it. By the time my phone starts ringing I notice the time, and two hours have passed since I left Zeke. His voice messages demanding to see me, his texts. I ignore them all.

I watch as my father walks out of his office, pinpointing me and walking straight in my direction. The man he is with, he dismisses like a fly. He stops when he gets to me shaking his head in disappointment. “We need to talk, Bexley.”

I nod my head knowing it was coming, Tragger tells my father everything. Another reason our relationship never worked.

By the time I have finished talking to my father, I’m exhausted and just need to sleep, today has been too long. But when I pull up at my home, Zeke is there waiting for me. Dressed in all black and looking deadly. He stands taller when he sees me, stalks straight to me and grabs my chin and lifts it up. So I’m in his face.

“Did I say you could leave when I was sleeping?” he asks, sounding more than a little angry with me. I shake my head no, and break away from his grip.

“I want you to come back,” he says leaning into me now. “I’m leaving tonight, I want you to go with me,” he says. I know it’s something I have to do, but will it destroy me?

“Okay,” I reply giving in, just not for the reasons he’s thinking. Others. His face changes, not believing I would give in so easily.

“Just like that?” he says, sounding surprised.

“Just like that,” I repeat to him. He nods his head and follows me up to my apartment, I grab what I need and pack it in a bag. It’s not enough, but it will do. He grabs a photo on my nightstand and smashes it in front of me. It’s of me and Tragger. Tragger is kissing my cheek at our engagement party.

“Was that necessary?” I ask him looking to the ground where my smashed photo is littering the floor. He nods his head and grabs my bag as he walks past me wanting me to follow, so I do.

As soon as we arrive at his house, I crawl into bed and fall asleep. I remember Zeke coming in barely and pulling me to him. Then when he realized I was still dressed he undressed me in my sleepy haze.

The next morning when I wake up, I’m alone in bed. I get up and walk to the kitchen to make coffee, and I realize I’m only dressed in my shirt and boy shorts. I don’t care, though, I need something to wake me up, and coffee does the trick. I hear him before he enters; he’s on his phone and is walking my way. He stops talking when he sees me, I don’t turn around.

“I could fuck you right now,” he says his voice husky and right next to my ear.

“Why don’t you,” I answer back, egging him on.

“I have clubhouse business,” he says moaning into my ear, pressing himself into me showing me how bad he wants me.

“Let me come,” I ask. His face looks like he’s trying to work out why I would ask such a thing. It’s not something I’d typically request, and he knows this.

“There isn’t much for you to do there, Bexley. Why would you want to come?”

“Just want to see where you go. What you do.”

“Do you want to know why I go there, Bexley?” he asks me his voice darker.

“Yes.”

“It’s my clubhouse, Bexley, I am the president.”

“Are you joking?” I ask him.

“No, Bexley.”

“But you don’t even ride a motorcycle,” I say not remembering ever seeing one.

“I do, actually I’m going to take you on the back of it,” he says not referring to the ride at all.

“What if I don’t want to go on the back,” I say playing dumb.

“I’ll let you ride me on the front,” he says stepping closer. My heart beats heavily against my chest, and my nipples go hard. His phone rings again, and my heart rate slows down, knowing he’ll need to answer it. He steps back and looks down at me and pinches my nipple. “Get dressed in jeans,” he says while he responds and walks away.

His bike is enormous and sexy, it fits him perfectly. The ride to the clubhouse was smooth and fast. My hands wrapped tightly around his waist. When we arrive, I instantly see Dunk and he smiles at me like he knows something I don’t. I take the helmet off and pass it to Zeke, he places them on the bike and grabs my hand and pulls me to an old garage. There are at least twenty men inside, a pool table, bar, and a Harley on display. It’s everything a clubhouse should be. They all scream for him when he enters and so do all the club girls. The skanks are dressed in nothing but lingerie. Some give me evil looks, some are too high to care who the fuck I am. A few men want to know who I am, and why I’m here. Zeke gives them a look that tells them to shut up or else. He kisses my cheek and calls the boys in for church. He leaves me at the bar with a prospect, telling him to keep me company and make sure I receive whatever I want. The kid is young, wearing his cut as a badge of honor. His cut isn’t like the rest, the club logo is on it, but he isn’t a full member.

“What can I get ya?” he asks me. I ask for a coffee and when he returns he starts asking me questions.

“You Prez’s Old Lady?” he asks, leaning over the bar an checking me out.

“You could say that,” I say. His eyes drop to my breasts and I click my fingers in front of his face, bringing his attention back to my eyes.

“What is it that you do?” I ask him.

“Whatever Dunk wants, kill or runs, anything really.” He thinks he’s being tough saying these things to me. What an idiot!

“You actually killed anyone before, kid?” I ask him, thinking he’s joking, trying to impress. He nods his head.

“Yep, straight in the back. Shot him once and he dropped,” he says.

“Where’s the body?” I ask him, acting like I don’t believe a word he’s saying while rolling my eyes.

“In Sunset Lake,” he says proudly. Again, what an idiot!

“Billy, what are you talking about?” Dunk asks from the side of the bar. I didn’t see him there, and neither did Billy. Dunk looks at me, really looks at me. His eyes assessing me. “What is it that you do for work, Bexley?” he asks sitting next to me, I straighten my back up and look at him.

“I didn’t tell you, why would I?” I retort, one side of his lips quirks up. He’s deadly, I can tell.

“Because you’re fucking my brother. These are things whores need to tell me.”

Oh no, he didn’t…I can feel my face turning different shades of red. He sits there smiling now while watching my reaction. My arm responds on its own and I slap him so hard he nearly falls off the stool not expecting it. He finally rights himself and gets in my face, ready to hit me back. I prepare myself for it and go into a stance to protect my face. Just before he does, I’m whipped backward.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Zeke yells from behind me, holding Dunk’s arm just outside of his hitting distance.

“You don’t really know who she is, do you, brother?” Dunk asks, his evil eyes trained on me, accusing me.

“Of course, I do,” he says pulling me behind him now. He’s only inches away from Dunk and they’re face to face.

“She was asking questions, not the type of questions an Old Lady would ask. I don’t trust her,” he says looking over his shoulder at me. Zeke does too, with a wondering look in his eyes before he turns back to Dunk.

“I’ll only say this once. If you ever touch a hair on her head, I will end you.” He then grabs my hand and takes me away from the situation. Everyone's eyes are on us as we leave. Well, mainly me, giving me worse stares now than when I first arrived.