Текст книги "Degrade"

Автор книги: T. L. Smith

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

When love is not madness, it is not love.

~Pedro Calderon de la Barca~

She sits across from me with a smile on her face, while she baits me. Telling me that what I say is not true. Though I know it is, because I feel it. It may have taken me a while to get there, but now I’m there she doesn’t have a chance in hell of getting rid of me.

“I don’t even think I want this, Zeke,” she says stopping that smile that was etched across her face.

“You do! I know you do. You didn’t just stop loving me, Bexley.”

Her face slowly scrunches like she wants to argue the fact. “Love isn’t always the answer, it was wrong,” she tells me shaking her head.

“It was never wrong, just the wrong time. But us…” I say indicating between us, “we were never wrong.”

“Are you going to be sleeping out the front of my apartment until I agree?” she goads me. I want to laugh.

“If you agree to try, no, I won’t. I do have a hotel that I’m supposed to be staying at. I just choose to be close to you,” I tell her the truth.

“Did you sell the house?” she asks me.

“I did. I sold a lot of my holdings.”

“Even the business Aria is in?” she asks again.

“Yes, it was a risk. I couldn’t have anything to do with that if it meant placing you in harm’s way again.”

“What about Aria? Was she okay with that?”

She’s always concerned about others.

“Aria wants what’s best for us, and she knows this is it.”

“Where do you intend to live?”

“Wherever you are.”

She spits her drink out like she doesn’t believe what I’ve just said. A waiter runs over and hands her a napkin and she is kind when she accepts it. Thanking him.

“You can’t expect me to just believe that, or even want that,” she says wiping her face and skirt. I want to touch her, I’ve been keeping my distance, it’s something I’m not used to with her. It’s hard, and it’s probably one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. Refraining myself from touching her, from kissing her. My eyes linger on her soft, lush lips, and she catches me looking and licks them. She knows what I’m thinking. What I want.

“I really want to taste you, Bexley,” I say and she sits up straighter in her chair. Her head starts to shake no.

“You can’t,” she says just above a whisper.

“Why can’t I?”

“Because you’re the devil, and I can’t resist him,” she says like it’s simple and I’m meant to understand that statement.

“I make you weak?” I ask her.

“Yes, and when you touch me, I’m yours. I want to be mine for just a little while longer,” she says.

I nod my head in understanding. “I won’t apologize, Bexley. Yes, we may not be right, but who is? I may have hurt you, but I still want you. More than my next breath,” I tell her leaning closer.

“Don’t say things like that, like it’s the stuff I want to hear,” she says to me.

“It’s not about what you want to hear, it’s about what I have to say.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, I’m not a chaser. You know I get what I want. But here I am, chasing you.” I wave my hands around in indicative movements.

“I need to go home, Zeke,” she says standing.

“Are you sure?” I ask reaching out to touch her. She nods her head. I hold my hand out, asking for her to take it.

“Can we walk? I would like more time.” She looks to me then to my hand and places her small soft palm in mine. I take and squeeze it, feeling her hand beneath mine.

Nothing is spoken at first, she keeps looking down at our joined hands. Like she’s afraid, I’m going to do something, or let go. Or maybe not even believing that I’m holding her.

“Are you changing, Zeke,” she asks looking at me while we walk.

“I believe so,” I tell her gripping her hand tighter.

“I don’t want you to change,” she says whispering. I stop and when I do, she does as well.

“Why?”

“I fell in love with you, Zeke, the problem wasn’t so much you. Though, there could be improvements. It was what you did, how it was kept secret, how you wanted to break me down like your other women. Once that stopped, it was you that I loved. Just don’t try to degrade me again.”

“Are…are you saying that you’ll try?” I ask her not believing.

“I don’t know what I’m saying though I can’t turn you off. You’re etched in here, and I can’t get you out. So I may as well stop fighting it while you’re here.”

“Can I kiss you now?” I ask her, she looks back to the path we’re on and shakes her head no.

“Not yet,” she says walking again, taking me with her this time.

“Favorite color?” I ask her, changing the subject.

“Black,” she replies.

“Why?” I ask her, she smiles but doesn’t stop walking.

“It matches your soul, so it’s mine.”

I laugh. “Are you saying my soul is black?”

“Yes, and because I love you, it’s my favorite color.”

“Okay, favorite movie?”

“I don’t have a favorite movie, but television show I do. It’s the Gilmore Girls.”

“Okay, diamonds or pearls?”

“Why must you know that?” she ask me her smile gone.

“Because we’re on a first date. We have to get to know one another.”

“Diamonds.”

“How many kids?” I ask, she stops fully this time and looks at me and removes her hand.

“This is a bit much for a first date.”

“I think everything we’ve said on this date, would make first dates very uncomfortable.”

“None,” she answers my question.

“What?”

She starts playing with her strap on her shoulder bag. “I can’t have kids, Zeke.”

I want to ask her why, but I don’t and reach out and take her hand instead. She lets me and our fingers intertwine as we continue walking.

“That’s good, kids and me don’t mix.”

She smiles, just barely, and doesn’t say another word.

“Favorite band?”

“Maroon Five,” she replies.

I nod my head agreeing. “Can I see you tomorrow?”

“What you don’t plan on sleeping out the front on my doorstep again?” she jokes.

“Only if that’s what you want?” I ask her raising my eyebrows in question.

“No, go back to your hotel.”

We come to a stop at her apartment complex, and she opens the door and I follow her up. Once we reach the door, we’re at a loss for words.

“Should I invite you in?” she asks as she opens the door.

I want to tell her yes, but I don’t. “No, that may not be smart, we need to do this right, and if I walk in, I wont be leaving that body of yours for weeks, I’ll be buried there for days.”

She nods her head in agreement and a blush takes over her cheeks. “Thank you for dinner,” she says to me smiling. I’ve never looked at another woman or seen another woman the way I see her. They have always said once you have eyes for the one you love, no one else can compare. I agree very strongly with this now.

I go to say something else, but no other words leave my mouth. So I lean forward slowly. Giving her the time if that’s what she needs to back away, and slowly bring my lips to hers. I need to taste her. I’ve missed her, and everything there is about her.

She doesn’t move when my lips touch hers, and I don’t move either. We just stand there, lips on lips. It takes me longer than a moment for my mind to catch up and tell me to taste her, to savor her. And I bring my hands up grabbing her face. She opens her mouth slowly, giving me access and I don’t disappoint. I take all that there is for her to give and kiss her. Her hands grab me, latching onto my waist and she pulls my shirt, squeezing it between her fingers. Our tongues touch, our bodies are locked. Our lips a frenzy of passion. I break away, against my better judgment and stand there with lips inches apart and our foreheads touching.

“I should go,” I whisper and she nods her head against me.

If your heart is a volcano, how shall you expect flowers to bloom?

~Khalil Gibran~

I dreamed of that kiss all night, even when I wasn’t sleeping that kiss was on my mind. Haunting me. My body was on overdrive, wanting a release that I knew only he could give me. And as I watched him walking away last night with that ass of his, I knew I would have to take care of myself. I couldn’t fall down that rabbit hole again. I don’t even know entirely what I agreed to last night, it all seems a blur to me right now.

I get out of bed to a knock on my door. I’m thinking that it’s Zeke when I open it, and when I don’t see him disappointment floods through me. It’s Tragger.

“He’s back, hey?” he asks following me in as I walk away.

“Yes,” I reply, not looking at him while walking to the kitchen.

“You seeing him again?”

I turn to him and raise my eyebrows, this is absolutely none of his business. “What did you come for, Trag?”

“Your father asked me to check on you.”

“He asked you to come and investigate me?” I say to him placing my hand on my hip and getting angry.

“No,” he answers.

“Liar! Tell him it’s none of his concern who his daughter is fucking.”

He pales at my words. “You can’t seriously consider having anything to do with this man, Bex? He’s not like us, you shouldn’t be with him.”

“And who should I be with? You?”

“Yes,” he says it like I should know this.

“I won’t be with someone I don’t love, Tragger. We tried that and it didn’t work.”

“You will regret being with him, Bex. He will only cause you hurt.”

“Maybe, but that’s for me to find out. Now leave, and tell my father to stop following me.”

“I won’t always be here waiting for you, you know.”

“I don’t want you to wait for me, Tragger. Go out, and find someone else.” I wave him off dismissing him. He leaves and slams the door on his way out.

My phone rings, not giving me a moment of silence.

“Did you score?” Aria’s voice booms through the phone line.

“What are you talking about?” I ask her.

“You know, did you get jiggy with it? Did you get sucker punched in the—” I stop her before she has the chance to finish that sentence. I do not want to hear the end of that.

“No,” I say cutting her off.

“Damn, he seemed happy and he wouldn’t tell me. So I thought I’d ring you and get the juicy details,” she says laughing into the phone.

“You still talking to him?” I ask confused.

“Yes, just ‘cause he sold the business to Mika don’t mean shit,” she says and a shiver breaks out over my body. Not so much his name, but the names that are associated with his.

“How’s it going, Aria?” I say sitting up on the bench waiting for her to spill. I don’t think she has many girlfriends, I have a feeling I’m it for her.

“Oh, you know, same ole, same ole. I’m contemplating killing Mika, I haven’t made up my mind yet.”

“Why?” I ask her.

“He thinks he knows what I want, and knows what he wants.”

“And what is it that you both want?”

“He wants me. I want me. See the problem. He thinks I want him, he’s got a few screws lose that man.”

“Why do I have a feeling you may want that too?”

“I’m hanging up on you now for swearing at me, and can you please go and fuck, Zeke. He’s seriously being a pussy bitch,” she says hanging up on me.

I wander around my apartment for most of the day, cleaning and picking up all Zeke’s clothes. I don’t know what to do with them. Not sure if I should take them to him or leave them here. I decide to place them back in the box and get dressed and go and find his hotel. I text Aria to see if she knows where it is, and she text messages straight with the address. I pull on jeans and plain pink shirt with ballet flats.

I debate whether to call him, to inform him I’m coming. But half way to my car, I decide against it. He does this to me, I’m going to do it to him. Not let him know I’m coming, even if it scares the shit out of me.

Once I arrive at his hotel I ask reception for his room number, they give it to me willingly and I make my way up to him. Upon reaching his door, I wonder if it’s smart to be here.

Just before I get a chance to knock the door is swung open by a naked Zeke. Well, not exactly naked, he has a towel wrapped around him, but I bet he’s naked under that. His torso is beautifully on display and I want to reach out and touch him like always.

“Bexley,” he says side stepping for me to enter, his eyes drinking me in, making me want him so badly.

“I came to see what you wanted done with your clothes?” I ask watching him walk off to the bedroom and pulling on a shirt. He drops the towel in front of me, with no shame what-so-ever and smiles as he does so. Then pulls up his pants ending my show.

“I want them at your place,” he says walking back to me.

“Okay,” is all I can reply.

“I’m glad you’re dressed that way,” he says pointing to my jeans and shirt. I give him an odd look. “We can have our second date now,” he says grabbing his phone and wallet from the bench and reaching for my hand. I let him take hold of me again, letting him creep his way in, bit by bit. The same way I fell in love with him in the first place.

We walk to his car, this time he drives and talks to me about Aria. That she’s basically annoying him even though she no longer works for him anymore. I laugh and don’t tell him about my conversations with her, all she seems to want to know is if we’re back in fuck-bunny land yet anyway.

“Where to today?” I ask him.

“Look,” he says pointing to the large sign. ‘Maroon 5’ have a show on today.

“We’re going to a concert?” I ask him excitedly. He smiles and climbs out of the car. The lines are long, women and men are waiting in line for the gates to open.

“We are,” he says smiling back at me, walking to the line. Women stop and stare at him. Ogling him with their eyes. I look to see if he’s looking at them, most of them are gorgeous. Dressed in basically nothing, and their tits showing through their tops. I start to walk faster, once I see his eyes are trained on me, so I slow down and walk beside him.

“Was this why you asked me questions last night?”

He reaches for my hand and takes it. It’s such a small act, but for him to be constantly doing it, it’s a significant act because he was never a fan of touching. I was always rushed off.

“Yes, it was, and I’ll tell you now I’m so glad you picked them. If you picked that other band you listen to, it was going to be a trip to Australia,” he says and I laugh at him.

The line moves fast once the gates are open, and people rush to get inside to their seats. We have a standing spot right in front of the stage in the mosh pit. The arena is packed full. Once ‘Maroon 5’ start, I sing along with them, jumping up and down. Getting lost in the music and the moment. Zeke doesn’t do any of this, he stands stock still like it’s somewhere he doesn’t really want to be, but he’s here to please me.

I turn to look at him as he’s standing behind me and notice he isn’t watching the band at all, his gray eyes are now on me. I turn back to the stage and take a step back, enclosing in on his space. He doesn’t move and stands tall. My back hits his front and he grabs me and wraps his hands around my waist. His head comes down to the crook of my neck, breathing me in.

I close my eyes, I’m happy. Wishing this was how we started out. This is how a relationship is meant to be. Maybe we found each other at the wrong time? Maybe now we can begin again?

“Thank you,” I yell at him, afraid he won’t hear me above the music. His fingers squeeze me telling me he heard me. We start to sway to the music, getting lost in the lyrics and lost in each other, and it takes me a moment to realize I’ve now turned around and am basically pulling him down to me.

He doesn’t take a moment, his lips slam onto mine. He grabs me by the legs and picks me up, so my legs wrap around him and he kisses the ever-loving shit out of me, in a packed arena full of screaming people, to which neither of us care.

Everything is clearer when you’re in love.

~John Lennon~

I can’t lose her again, the last couple of days have cemented that fact to me. She’s it for me. I don’t want to rush things, don’t want to go the same pace we did last time. I want to savor her. But as her body becomes flush with mine at her door, I can’t say no. It’s impossible to do so. The concert was great, even though I didn’t listen to a word they sang. All I did was watch her jump and scream and it was great. When she made the first move, I felt as if I’ve done something right. Maybe it doesn’t, maybe it’s me that makes her happy. The way she grabbed me, the way her body connects with mine. It makes me desirously content.

“We shouldn’t,” I tell her breaking away. She whimpers and doesn’t take no for an answer. She pulls me in the door and slams it shut with her foot, jumping back on me again.

“Bexley,” I say in between her lips kissing me and me kissing her.

“Zeke, don’t make me shut you up,” she says pulling my shirt up over my head. I let her and do the same to her. Her red lace bra on display, making my already hard cock even harder.

“Are you sure?” I ask, not wanting her to talk, but not wanting her to regret it either.

“Bring me back my fuck-me-Zeke,” she says leaning up whispering in my ear. I know there was never a complaint about our sex lives, we always wanted each other, there’s no denying that. But that won't be all there is to us, there is more for us, she knew this, me slower to realize.

“Are you sure you want him?” I warn her. She bites her fingers softly and nods her head. “Take your clothes off, Bexley, then mine,” I say and the sparkle appears in her eyes. She obeys and strips naked so fast I have a hard time looking as she comes to me and pulls my pants down. Kissing her way down as she does.

“Stand,” I tell her knowing her mouth is inching toward my cock.

“What if I want to bend,” she says the little seductress, as bends over in front of me. Touching herself between her legs.

“Bexley,” I warn and her hands drop, and she stands. Facing me.

“You love me, Zeke?” she asks standing there naked.

“Yes,” I say stepping closer.

“And, do I love you?” she asks not moving.

“Yes,” I tell her again, stepping even closer.

“Am I it for you, Zeke?” she asks cocking her head.

“You know you are.”

“Sometimes a girl has to hear it,” she says smiling.

“You want me to tell you every day?” I ask.

“That would be nice,” she says making me smile.

“Every day it is then.”

“And you don’t want kids?” she says again.

“No, just you.”

“Just me,” she half whispers to herself. I don’t let her continue with her thoughts as I grab her and pick her up, throwing her backward on the bed. I flip her over and start kissing her feet, making my way up her legs. Leaving a kiss on each part of her body as I go. She whimpers when I’m near her pussy, but I continue onward, biting her soft ass as I go up. I get to the back of her neck and she turns her face sideways and smiles.

“My turn,” she says flipping me off and telling me to turn around. I’m a bit confused at first, until she palms my ass, and then leans down and bites it. “I’ve always wanted to do that, I love your ass,” she says and I get back up covering her body with mine.

“It’s all yours, Pixie,” I tell her placing my hand over her pussy and inserting a finger. I crawl down, covering her with my mouth. She grabs my hair tight and fucks my face. I let her, I let her do anything.

She comes loud, and I don’t let her recover as I climb up and lift her legs over my shoulders and slam into her. She screams for more, harder. I do as she obliges, watching her as I do. And as the moment passes, one like I’ve never felt before, her eyes lock onto mine, watching me.

“You do love me,” she says it as a statement. She reaches up bringing our bodies close so we’re one. She doesn’t let me answer, as she moves her hips, forcing me to continue my movements not even realizing I’ve stopped and kisses me again.

****

I watch her sleep that night, her mouth open, her eyes shut. Lost in dreamland, my hand traces over hip up her side and stopping at her neck. She rolls into me stopping me from touching her and clings to me. I fall fast asleep, knowing this is what my life will be like forever. And I’ve never felt happier.

“Wake up,” Bexley’s voice wakes me. I turn to her and see her fully dressed. I look to the time and see we’ve slept for ages. And go to grab her, and she brushes my hand away. She looks panicked.

“You’re out of the business?” she asks fast.

“What are you talking about? Come back to bed,” I say and she shakes her head.

“My father and about five other FBI agents are walking up here right now. You didn’t lie to me did you, Zeke?” she asks as I sit up and look at her, then quickly get dressed.

“No, I didn’t lie to you,” I say pulling up my pants.

“Why are they here then?” she asks angrily.

“I don’t know,” I tell her. The knock on the door is loud, and Bexley’s father yells for her to open it. She looks at me, then walks to the door swinging it open. I follow and see her father standing there looking at her, then his gaze turns to me in anger.

“Where were you last night?” he asks stepping in. The other agents stay where they are, guns raised. Bexley huffs at them and they put their guns down but are still armed.

“He was here all night,” she says for me, his gaze swings to her.

“You’re associating yourself with this?” He points to me. “Again,” he finishes.

“Yes,” she says looking back at me.

“Did you know his MC murdered three FBI agents last night,” he says to her, anger rife in his voice. She looks at me again and I can’t tell if she’s trying to figure out what’s going on.

“Who?” I say.

“Your man, Quinton. He’s dead now, though. But it was under your orders, was it not?” he asks me stepping in further. I close my eyes.

Why did he do that?

“Zeke?” Bexley asks.

“He was my brother, I made him President,” I tell her which she understands. She’s met him but never knew he was my brother. My mother doesn’t even know. He was the bastard of the family, Dad’s one-night stand that turned into the life of a child.

“You’re saying you had nothing to do with this?” he asks me. I shake my head, grabbing my things and packing them up. I have to go back. I hear Bexley yelling at her father and I don’t take notice as I pack.

“Where are you going?” she asks, she must have sent him away because I can’t hear him or his men anymore.

“I have to go, I have to bury my brother,” I tell her. She grabs a bag for herself and starts packing.

“Bexley,” I say not wanting the words to come out, but knowing I have to.

“Don’t,” she warns.

“Bexley—” I go to say again, and she slams her lips on mine and pulls away just as fast to finish packing. I don’t argue with her again and go straight to the airport.