Текст книги "Slider "

Автор книги: Stacy Borel

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

IT’D BEEN TWO DAYS since Noah passed. My shifts at the hospital had been picked up and I’d sequestered myself to my house. I didn’t want to go anywhere and I didn’t want to do anything. I couldn’t get over something like this. A baby, who was completely innocent and brought into this world under some of the worst circumstances, fought so hard. He fought and started to get better and then he was snatched away like he didn’t matter to anybody. Except he did. He mattered to me. I cared enough about him that I’d devoted my time to him, and I loved him and showed him love. His worthless mother abandoned him. No child deserved such cruelty. I didn’t have any intention of adopting him or anything, but I would have ensured that someone worthy would have ended up with him. I was nowhere near ready to have a child of my own. In fact, the very idea of having a baby scared me so much I had come to the conclusion that I likely wouldn’t have my own kids. I’d seen so many babies being brought into this world. The way the parents react to their new little bundles kept the saying in perspective.

Having a child is like having your heart walking around outside your body.

I had too many nervous tendencies since my parents passed away, to even consider having children. Turner has hardly left my side since I got the news. I didn’t know how to speak to him about my grief. I tried yesterday, but nothing came out of my mouth. So I continued on with head nods and shakes as my form of communication and doing the things that others expect from you to show that you’re okay. I learned far too early that when someone passes away, the people around you want and need you to be okay, so that they may move on with their own lives. Was it selfish of them? I had no clue. But I could also tell Turner may be on to me. He didn’t just watch me, he studied me. It should have made me uncomfortable him being here, but it didn’t. His presence was nice, and he never once forced me to talk about anything. He didn’t ask me to cry, or tell him how I was feeling. He’s simply let me be. But I knew he sensed me. There was something there under the surface of those blue eyes that were watching me. For now, he let me know he was near and it was enough.

Today was just another day that I woke up with the same empty feeling I’d felt the last three days. No Noah, and the fear that life could take a tragic turn for me or anybody else I knew. I rolled over in my bed and smelled that a fresh pot of coffee had been made. Frowning, I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Living like this wasn’t ideal for anyone. It was time to make face with Turner, just so I could come back into my room and sleep some more. As I left my comfortable bed, I glanced in the mirror on my way out.

Ewwww, holy crap!

I had a nest forming on the top of my head that would be perfect for a couple baby birds, and I had dark circles under my eyes. I tried to run my fingers through my thick hair, but had no luck. They got stuck in the tangles and I gave up. Lifting my shoulders and exhaling, it didn’t matter. Turner wouldn’t stick around too much longer. He was going to get tired of my attitude and leave.

“Morning, beautiful.” Turner greeted me. He was leaning up against the kitchen counter, shirtless, a pair of sweat pants hanging low on his hips. Could that V get any deeper? Even in my state of mind, I was fully capable of appreciating the man that stood before me. He twisted behind himself to hand me a mug. The simple motion caused my lips to part. When he handed it to me, his blue eyes held mine. There was a warm fire just under the surface that I could see burning. Oh my.

“Morning,” I rasped.

He took a sip of his coffee and asked, “How’d you sleep?”

I shook off the errant thoughts and answered, “Like I have been.”

“Restless?”

I frowned. “No. Dreamlessly.”

He set his mug down. “Sounds boring.”

What in the hell? “Sorry to bore you.” I went to the coffee pot and poured my first cup.

“Annabelle, you’re not boring me. You’re misunderstanding what I’m saying. Get your coffee and come out on the deck.”

He walked out the sliding glass door, and left me standing there to figure out what he was doing.

I dumped some cream and sugar into my “Follow your dreams” mug. The irony wasn’t lost on me, and walked in the same direction he did. Turner was sitting in my dad’s chair. I stopped and analyzed how I felt seeing him sitting there. That was a special seat, and only someone who meant something to me should ever be allowed to sit there. After my parents died, all of the distant family and friends that came in and out of this house, I guarded that chair with my life. Nobody was to sit there except my dad or me. And since he was gone, it was only a place for me. A thousand emotions swirled through me, but not a single one was anger or the urge to tell him he needed to move. Turner was welcome there, and I was more than okay with it.

“You going to stand there watching me, or do you plan on coming over here to talk to me?”

I raised my brow despite him not being able to see it. “Are you always so bossy and demanding?”

“No. I could be worse,” he said matter of fact.

Great. Lord only knows what that was really like. I came to stand in front of him and made a show of leaning against the railing and feigning indifference to his sassy mouth.

“What’s up?”

He wanted to chuckle but he didn’t. Instead his expression turned stoic. “We are going to do something a little different. I know you probably want to have your coffee and go lay back down and drown out the day, but not today.”

My heart picked up its pace. “What are you talking about, Turner?”

“When you’re done with your little breakfast there. . .” He nodded toward my cup. “I’m going to need you to go take a nice long shower, relax your muscles, and get ready for the day. I’ll put some clothes out for you. We have somewhere we need to be this morning.”

I was already feeling defensive. He wasn’t going to force me out of my home just because he didn’t want to stay here. “No. You can go do whatever it is that you need to do, but I’m not in the mood to do anything.”

“I’m not asking, Annabelle.”

“Neither am I.” I squared my shoulders.

He sighed, looking slightly defeated. “Please. I’m not going to make you do anything that you don’t want to do, but this is something that I think you need.”

“And what’s that?”

He shook his head. “I’m not saying. You’ll fight me tooth and nail, and, frankly, I don’t think you are ready for that battle.”

“I’m not in the mood for one of your crazy ass dates, Turner.”

He almost looked offended. “I’m not taking you on a date.”

Okay, now I was confused. If he wasn’t taking me on a crazy date, where else would he need to drag me kicking and screaming?

“I need to have an idea of what is going on, okay? I’ll admit I’m feeling anxious about stepping foot outside of my comfort zone. You must at least understand that much.”

His eyes softened. “I do. We are meeting up with my mom. She asked me to bring you somewhere, and I promised I would. So would you please? If not for me, at least try for her?”

The mother card was now in play. What on earth could Donna have in store for me today? She’d stopped by a few times, maybe even more while I was sleeping, to check on me. She was the only one I’d confided in with my true feelings about Noah. She was a mom of four boys. There was something very maternal going on deep in my bones when it came to the baby. It was unexpected, but she opened her mind to why I felt the way that I did. She shared stories with me how she thought when Camden was born something horrible was happening to him. Turns out, he had an irregular heartbeat and a small murmur. When it’s your baby and they aren’t the epitome of health, your world stops. You question why these things are happening to you and your baby. Noah may not have been mine, but I did love him. I felt drawn to him the moment he was born and his own mother didn’t want to give him a name. I promised myself before I walked out of that delivery room that I would show him what a gentle touch was. Donna praised me for loving unconditionally. She said it was very much the sign of a mother. I wouldn’t call myself that at all, but if there was a step below that . . . that was me.

Since it was for Donna, I didn’t fight him. I held my cup in both of my hands and nodded. Standing, Turner took a step toward me and placed his lips on my forehead. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling. He was so warm, while I felt so cold. When he pulled away, he went back into the house giving me time to myself, as if I didn’t already have an abundance of it. I tossed the rest of my coffee over the railing, not feeling like stomaching the rest. Shower time.

It took me no time at all to get washed up. Although my hair was clearly in the mood to fight today. I won. When I came out of the steaming shower with a towel wrapped around me, Turner had made good on his word—a pair of black dress pants and a deep burgundy, three-quarter length top laid on the bed. This was a bit more fancy than I had expected. Where were we going? I sighed. Probably lunch at the country club or something. Anything for Donna to get me out of the house. I’d appease her. I was in no mood to mess with putting on make-up though. I threw my hair up while it was still wet, slapped on some clear gloss, and went out to the living room. Turner had already gotten dressed. He was wearing a pair of black slacks and a white button down dress shirt. Was this really how they dressed at the country club? I’d never been to one, so maybe. I’ve read some things about them being stuffy.

“You look nice.” Turner complimented me when I came into view.

“Thank you. So do you.”

He stood and grabbed his keys. “Alright, let’s head out.”

I wanted to ask where we were headed, but I knew he wouldn’t answer. If I was to know where I was going, I’d know by now. He texted someone while we were still in the driveway, but then set his phone down and we took off down the road. I assumed it was his mom. The ride was silent. I honestly had nothing to say. I closed my eyes and relaxed my slightly frazzled body. Being out of the safety of my home was a little more daunting than I had envisioned it being. Every car that passed, made me wonder if they’d cross the double lines and run head on into us. Every curve that Turner took, I questioned if he was going too fast and we’d flip. Closing my eyes to the outside world was the only way I was going to survive this trip.

I had no concept of time, which direction we were going, or what my surroundings looked like. But when I felt the car ease to a stop and I opened my eyes and saw where I was, every single emotion a human being could have raced through me. I felt Turner’s eyes on me, but I swear if I said anything right no, it wouldn’t be pretty. How could he? How could Donna? I scanned the grounds. I knew where I was, but how did they know? Did they research? I supposed it wouldn’t take much. It’s not like these things weren’t printed in the newspapers when it happened.

“Annabelle?” he quietly asked.

I swallowed. My throat was dry and I wanted to cough. No scratch that, I wanted to puke. I never came here. He knew this.

“Annabelle.” He repeated.

Rows and rows of headstones lined the immaculate green grass. It was hilly just like I remembered it, and we were a ways out of the city. The sky was bright blue, but the air was crisp and cool, a warning that fall was not far in the distance. It would be almost beautiful if it was any other place besides a cemetery. I hadn’t been here in years. In fact, not since the day my parents were put in the ground.

“No, Turner.” My voice shook.

He reached for my hand and I pulled away. “Listen, I know this is probably a shock to you, but I think there’s something you need to see.”

“There’s nothing for me to see, get me the hell out of here.”

“No.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t want to be here.”

He raised his brow. I’d never said that word in front of him before, and me saying it made him realize I was serious. “I’m standing behind bringing you here, so would be you please follow me?”

“I’m out. You won’t take me back home, I’m walking.” I got out of the car and slammed the door. I only got a few feet away when I heard his door close and he was in front of me, blocking my only exit out of the black iron gates.

“So help me, Annabelle, I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you over there, but I’m asking you to not make me do that.”

I furrowed my brow. “Carry me where? I told you the other night I never wanted to step foot here again. There’s no purpose.”

“There is now. Get your ass moving.” He was getting pissed.

The nerve of him. “Don’t you dare get pissed off at me. You had no business bringing me here. Seriously, I fucking confide in you, tell you things I’ve never told a soul, I trusted you. And you go off and do the one thing that is so damn cruel and insensitive.” I went to march around him, but stopped when I heard Donna’s voice.

“It wasn’t him, honey, it was me. He’s only doing what I asked of him.” I hadn’t even heard her approaching.

I faced her, mouth slightly parted. I shook my head back and forth. “Why?”

She reached forward and grabbed my hand, placing mine in both of hers. “Follow me.”

Donna released me and started walking away. Glancing back at Turner, he mouthed “sorry” to me, and followed his mom. This couldn’t be happening. His family had officially lost their minds. What business could I possibly have here? I said my goodbyes the day my parents were placed into the ground. Did she want me to sit and talk to them? Sorry, but I wasn’t one of those people. I didn’t come here, lay on the grass and speak to them like they could hear me. If there was any place I felt my parents, it was at home. My arms were at my sides and I was feeling absolutely defeated. I didn’t want to fight, and I didn’t want to be here. Squaring my shoulders, I’d do whatever it is that she wanted me to do and then I would high tail it out of there. Donna wouldn’t be hearing from me for a while. She had to know that this wasn’t okay. In fact, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be giving Turner the silent treatment after this as well. I knew one thing, when I got back home, I’d be asking him to leave. This was all just cruel.

Reluctantly, I walked behind them, keeping my distance. I went over every possible reason why I was brought here but nothing prepared me for seeing the rest of the Brooks clan. There they stood by a freshly dug plot and a small casket that was no bigger than the size of an . . . infant. I stopped in my tracks, my hand going to my mouth. I gasped, shaking my head back and forth. Turner heard me and started to come to my aid. Donna held him back and told him to go over with everyone else. When she approached me, she was very cautious.

“It’s going to be okay,” she told me.

My mouth opened and closed. “Is that?” I didn’t want to finish.

She nodded. “I made a few phone calls. I know you probably don’t want to be here or do this, but when this pain starts to feel a little less and you think about Noah, I want you to know exactly where he is, and that he had a place . . . with you.”

Tears welled in my eyes. I was speechless. The anger I’d previously felt was pushed back and sadness seeped into me. “But the rest of the family is here.”

She looked confused. “Of course they are. Don’t you know why?”

I shook my head no.

A serene smile came across her lips. “Because, honey, my Turner has fallen for you. The moment I saw it, you became family, and that means we are all here for you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You will. Come.” She guided me to where everyone was standing.

Turner took my hand and gave it a squeeze. Paul stood in front of everyone and spoke.

“Annabelle, I want you to know that we are all deeply sorry for your loss. You’ve been dealt some very challenging hands in your short life, and yet you seem to have handled it all with grace and dignity. Instead of making decisions to hide from what God has put on your plate, you showed perseverance during what could be the most trying time in a person’s life.” He paused and looked directly at me. “And now this. I know none of us may truly understand how you could be feeling at this very moment or for the last couple of days, but we wanted you to know one thing—you are family. You are part of something bigger than you think. Donna and myself, and of course our boys, we are here for you. Anything you may need, all you have to do is ask. Although we may get nosey and just assume we know what’s best for you.” They all let out a small chuckle. “I’m sure you can tell by what my wife has done here. This is not a traditional funeral or anything. Why Donna chose to do this was simply because Noah deserved a place to rest, and you, my dear, you deserved peace of mind and to know because you have a place with us, so did he.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. My tears turned into a river, and I was full on sobbing. Never in my life would I have thought people would care enough about me to do something like this. Paul wasn’t done. Just as his last words left his mouth, he stepped aside. I was too preoccupied by the gathering of everyone, and the baby’s casket, I hadn’t even seen what had been behind him. There was a small grave stone that read:

Baby Noah

Oct 21, 2015

Loved by one, felt by many

I went to my knees. Turner had the mind to try and catch me, but I shooed him away. I needed my space. “Oh my God,” I whispered. Both of my hands were covering my mouth and my cheeks were soaked. “I never even thought . . .” I trailed off. If a person was capable of sensory overload, I was having it. My brain didn’t want to wrap around the possibility that there were such generous people in this world, or people who thought beyond themselves to do such a kind thing.

I glanced up at everyone around me as they all watched me. Turner, Donna, Paul, Wrigley, Dodger, Camden, and Keegan. Macie wasn’t there, but it was okay. “Family,” I said out loud. “This is what a family is.”

Turner kneeled by me. “Yeah, beautiful, this is family.” He kissed my forehead and wiped some of my tears away.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

Keegan sniffled, and Camden put his arm around her.

“Anybody need a joke to lighten the mood?” Wrigley asked.

Dodger slapped the back of his head. I’m starting to think that was his defense against anything that made him uncomfortable—making people laugh.

“Geez, so dead around here,” he grumbled.

“Wrig, go wait in the car, would ya?” Paul sighed.

A giggle bubbled up my throat. I couldn’t help it. “He doesn’t have to go. It’s okay.”

Reaching his hand out to me, Wrigley offered to help me up. Turner growled. I took it and stood.

“You’re my girl, Belle.”

“Thank you.” I beamed. “In fact, thank you to all of you. Especially you, Donna. I don’t know how you knew what to do, but you did. I’ve not been a part of a family in so long, that this is truly overwhelming. Noah was a very special boy. All I wanted for him in his short life was to know and feel what love was. I hope he did.” A single tear streaked down my face.

“No doubt he did,” Turner said, pulling me into an embrace.

“You’re in trouble Mr.,” I mumbled into his chest.

“Wouldn’t expect anything less,” he replied.

A groundskeeper approached all of us and asked if he could go ahead with lowering the casket into the ground. He said we could stay to watch if we wanted. I didn’t. This was all more than I could handle in one day, and I felt like I was ready for a nap.

“Would you two like to come to the house for dinner? Won’t take me long to whip something up,” Donna offered. “In fact I’d like all of you to come, boys.”

“Thanks, Mom. But I’ve gone some plans with Annabelle this afternoon.”

My eyes shot to Turner’s. “What now?”

“You’ll see.”

Great! He may not live to see another day the way he was going with all the unexpected stuff today.

“Oh, Donna?” I called her back before she had gone too far.

“Yes, dear?”

I looked at the ground and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Th-thanks. For this. For all of this. For Noah and me. It was more than I could have ever expected or known I wanted.”

Her eyes became glassy. She strode toward me and pulled me into the most caring and motherly embrace I’d received since my own mom had held me.

“Always.”

She turned and walked away. Family . . . it really was the cornerstone or foundation of who we are.

“Turner,” I warned.

“Before you say anything, just hear me out.”

“No. No, no, no. And I mean absolutely not!”

“Annabelle, you’re getting worked up over nothing.”

His “nothing” was certainly something. I was currently standing in front of a building that had a sign on the outside that said: Touch the sky, and fall to the earth.

What. The. Fuck.

“This isn’t nothing, Turner Brooks. Did you actually think I was going to bungee jump?”

“No, but I thought maybe if I asked nicely enough, you might.” He gave me puppy eyes. Which was a new one for him.

“There aren’t enough words in the English language that would explain how crazy I think you are right now. Today of all days you want to do this?” He was certifiable.

“Listen.” He stepped forward and grasped my face with both hands. “You know I have my reasons behind everything I do. I knew you were going to fight me on this one, but you need to hear me out.”

My eyes darted back and forth between his. “I just watched a baby being buried today, I’ve been crying my eyes out for days, I have a headache, and now you want me to fling myself off a platform, attached to a cable and expect that it acts like a rubber band? Turner, this is way worse than some zip lining course.”

“Kind of, but again, I have my reasons for asking you to do this. At least come to the top with me and see what it’s like from up there.”

Nerves were setting in. So was anger. “For fuck’s sake, the view is probably just as I’m picturing. I don’t need to go up there to see it.”

He released me and started toward the lift. I called after him but he ignored me. Bastard knew I’d follow just to keep bitching at him. And I did exactly that the whole ride up. I had no clue what these things were called—we were on a platform similar to what we were on when we did the zip line. An electric lift raised us up as high as it would extend. It was really windy up there and I gripped the rails. I had a harness attaching me to the railing as a safety measure and the man who brought us up was giving us instruction for when we jumped. I heard nothing. My heart was in my throat and I wanted to puke. Could this headache get any worse?

“Annabelle?” Turner was standing there looking concerned.

“Huh?”

“Did you hear anything I just said?”

I was sweating so much, it was dripping down the side of my hair line. I shouldn’t be sweating. It was cool outside, and being this high up it was even cooler.

“Were you talking?” I asked confused.

He brought his blue eyes down to my level. “Look at me. You’ve been through a lot. Today was not a good day, and there are a lot of things at play right now. But I needed you to know something.”

“What’s that?” I asked inquisitively.

“I’m here, Annabelle. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. The past two or three months we’ve been getting to know each other I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been taking life for granted. Being a doctor, I’ve not noticed just how out of touch I have been, which is why I think I’m always looking for the next big thrill. You are my thrill, Annabelle. I look forward to seeing you every day. I love our crazy back and forth flirting. I love how you push my buttons and I make you step out of your comfort zone. But I love even more that you trust me enough that you do it.”

As if I hadn’t cried enough today. “Turner,” I softly spoke his name.

“I know you think today isn’t a good day to do something like this, but I think it’s a perfect day. Want to know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you need to know that life keeps moving. The longer you sit back and watch as things happen around you, you’re not living the one that you were given. I don’t want to see you live in fear that something awful is going to happen. And every step you take . . . I’m right there with you. You jump off of this thing, I’m jumping too. Hell, we can go together and I’ll hold you the whole way. You are no longer alone.”

I sniffed. “Turner?”

He cleared his throat, knowing he’d just made the grandest speech of all speeches. “Yeah?”

I didn’t want to think anymore, I just wanted to act. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

The sun was setting over some hills in the distance and the light was reflecting off of his vibrant blue eyes. He beamed even brighter than the sun and gave me a blinding smile. “Good, ‘cause I think I’m falling too.”

I was taken aback. I wasn’t expecting him to reciprocate. Not at all. I simply wanted him to know where my feelings stood. Warmth was taking over my body, and I stepped into the protection of his body.

“We hooked up to this thing?” I asked over my shoulder.

The guy who had ridden up with us gave me a thumbs up. I don’t think he wanted to intrude on our moment.

“What are you doing?” Turner asked.

“Take the leap, Turner.”

“Right now?” he said surprised.

“Now. Don’t make me say it twice.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Without hesitation, he put his massive arms around me, asked the guy if we could go like together and next thing I knew, we were free falling. I had no idea how long we fell for. Seemed like minutes to me, but it was only seconds. We jerked hard when we reached the end of the line, and flew back up a little over halfway of the distance that we’d fallen. We bounced back and forth and swung like a pendulum several times. This was nothing like race car driving, or zip lining, or driving a Jeep, or, hell, even sex. Bungee jumping was straight up insane.

But falling in love was an absolute leap of faith. There was no comparison. I’d found something in this man that was communicating to my cold and closed off heart, and he was busting down those walls faster than I could keep putting them back up. He wasn’t going to let me win this battle. Not now, and maybe not ever. And you know what? I was okay with that.

I hadn’t made a single sound the whole time we were flying through the air, but as the machine lowered us to the ground I started laughing. I laughed hysterically. No doubt Turner thought I’d gone mad.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, an amused expression on his face.

I shook my head, laughing even harder because we were hanging upside down and we both looked ridiculous. “Oh, just all of this. Today should have been the second worst day of my life, and somehow you made it okay. You showed me I’m a part of a family again, and now you’re teaching me how to live. Where did you come from, Doctor Brooks?”

He smirked. I knew a smart ass answer was on the tip of his tongue. “From snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails. And of course good genetics.”

I chortled. “Always arrogant.”

“Wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t.”

“Hmmm, yes, I know.”

When we were set on the ground, we both stood on our feet and regained our balance. I used his chest as a place to steady myself.

“Can we do this again sometime?”

I don’t think he could be any more shocked than he was right now. “I suppose, if you really want too.”

I nodded. “I do. But on one condition.”

“And what’s that?”

I reached up on my tippy toes and kissed his soft lips. “That you fall with me.”

He smoothed my hair back and placed a kiss on my nose. “Always, Annabelle. Always.”

With that I knew I was okay. I had loved, lost, and been loved. I was a part of something huge, and my life wouldn’t be wasted sticking to the sidewalks. Turner Brooks was my future, and I planned on living it to the fullest as long as was by my side. I had a feeling that was going to be for a very long time to come.

The End