Текст книги "Doctor Who- The Pirate Loop"

Автор книги: Simon Guerrier

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

THIRTEEN

'You know what?' said the Doctor, stood in the transmat booth. 'Neither do I.' He grinned. 'Ah well. Sure I'll think of something.' And with a pop he vanished.

Martha sighed. There was nothing to do but wait until he'd sorted everything out. She turned to join the party of humans and three badgers. And then she froze.

Projected on the wall, the spiky peach of the badger pirates' spaceship had begun to move. Tiny pirate capsules spewed from the back of the ship, each zipping round to attack the Brilliant head on. They fired their weapons, and another screen to the left blared warning signals about the Brilliant's shields.

Captain Georgina, Thomas and some of the other crew were racing to the horseshoe of computers. 'Get a channel open!' Captain Georgina shouted. 'Get a channel open!'

'Open, sir,' said Thomas quickly, busy at the controls.

'Archie!' said Captain Georgina. Time for you to do your stuff.'

'Oh, er, yeah,' said Archibald, hurrying to join the human crew. 'Uh, Captain Florence?' he said, and Martha could see how awkward and scared he was about just speaking to the air. 'This is, uh, Archie. There's food 'ere. Good food.'

Thomas fussed with the controls, getting only static in response. And then a voice was heard loud and clear. 'Archie?' said a vicious-sounding badger woman. 'You're in big trouble, y'swab!'

For a moment they stared at Archibald, who could only shrug. Then something smashed into the Brilliant and the impact knocked them all off their feet.

'Keep trying!' shouted Captain Georgina as she scrambled back to the controls. 'You've got to convince them!'

'Yeah,' said Archie. Dashiel and Jocelyn, holding hands, joined him at the horseshoe of computers and they all tried appealing to their former comrades.

Captain Georgina signalled the rest of the human crew. 'We're going to have boarders,' she told them. 'You'll take your positions and hold them from the engine rooms.'

'Sir,' said the brunette. 'The Doctor took our guns.' It was true: a mess of broken weapons lay littered on the floor, their innards used to build an almost working Teasmade.

'Hell,' said Captain Georgina. She shoved Archibald aside and took his place next to Thomas. 'This is Captain Georgina Wet-Eleven of the Starship Brilliant,' she told the attacking badgers. 'You are in violation of intergalactic transit codes six, fourteen and twenty. You will desist your attack at once, or we will blast you from the sky.'

There was a pause, and just for a moment Martha thought the defiance in the captain's tone might have made the pirates reconsider.

'Ha!' said the gruff female voice they'd heard before. 'Bring it on!'

Again they were thrown from their feet as something smashed into the ship. And again. 'They're 'ere!' said Jocelyn, from the ground beside Martha.

'S'OK,' said Dashiel. 'We'll tell 'em.' He led Jocelyn quickly out of the bridge, through the door which was no longer blocked by scrambled egg. They passed a flustered Mrs Wingsworth as they went.

'Get that passenger out of here!' shouted Captain Georgina. A couple of the human crew ran to bustle Mrs Wingsworth off the bridge, but Martha hurried over.

'She's with me,' she said. Again the ship buckled as something smashed into it. The human crew obviously decided that they had better things to do than worry about the passengers. Martha led Mrs Wingsworth out into the crew's quarters, away from all the panic.

'More haste, less speed, I always say, dear,' Mrs Wingsworth said, rolling her eyes. 'What has been going on?'

'The Doctor let us out of the time loop,' Martha explained. 'But now the pirates are attacking.'

'What, like those three dears?' said Mrs Wingsworth.

'Remember what they were like when they first got here?' said Martha.

Before Mrs Wingsworth could reply, the wall exploded just ahead of them. Martha barely registered the Smart car-sized capsule that had crashed aboard before she was lifted off her feet. A capsule-sized gash in the side of the ship gaped out onto open space. Martha tried to scream but the air was being sucked out into space just as she was. She flailed her arms and legs as she fell towards the hole, but there was nothing to grab on to...

Something yanked her ankle hard and this time she managed to cry out. Twisting back, she found Mrs Wingsworth clutching her with one tentacle, the other gripping round the bunk of one of the human crew's beds. They both hung in mid air, Mrs Wingsworth's tentacles taut and skinny with the strain. Her glittering, golden jewellery buckled and broke, each piece dancing in the air as it tumbled into space.

'Oh really!' muttered Mrs Wingsworth, her teeth clenched as she fought to keep her grip. 'That used to be my mother's.'

Martha struggled for breath as the hole in the side of the ship tried to swallow her. A human crewmember – the pretty brunette – tried to reach for Martha's hand. They brushed fingers, didn't quite catch hold, and then the brunette tumbled out into the dark, starry vacuum. As she fell out, she was hit by flecks of the red, jelly-like substance fast sealing the hole behind her.

Martha and Mrs Wingsworth crashed down onto the hard floor the moment the hole had been sealed. They lay there panting, then Mrs Wingsworth grabbed Martha's ankle again and dragged her into the small room with the bed in it she'd clung to. She slammed the small door just at the same time as another capsule burst through the far wall. Martha hugged her tight as, beyond the closed door, they heard the screams of yet more human crewmembers being sucked out into space.

The Brilliant lurched again and again as the pirate capsules smashed into it. Martha felt sick and terrified. But it seemed to be quiet now, on the far side of the door. She put her ear to the door, and heard muffled shouts and shooting. The badger pirates were pillaging the ship.

She desperately needed to know where the Doctor had got to. He wouldn't leave them to die like this. She knew he'd come for her somehow.

'You can't go out there, dear!' squealed Mrs Wingsworth. Martha hadn't even been aware of her hands working to unlock the door.

'I've got to find the Doctor,' she said.

'No you don't!' insisted Mrs Wingsworth, and swiped Martha away from the door with a tentacle like a tree trunk. 'You're not going to do anything silly. We both have to—'

The door disintegrated in a sudden ball of pink light. Had Martha still been in front of it, she would have been obliterated herself. Mrs Wingsworth whimpered as a helmeted badger pirate stormed into the small room, prodding her with his gun.

'You Marfa?' the badger said bluntly, with a gruff female voice.

'Er,' said Mrs Wingsworth. 'I might be, dear.'

The badger pirate raised his gun at her. 'No wait!' cried Martha from where she lay on the floor. 'I'm Martha. Just leave this one alone.'

'Huh,' said the badger pirate. She reached down, grabbed Martha's arm in her hairy paw and started dragging her out into the passageway.

'Now really!' Mrs Wingsworth began to protest.

'Please!' Martha told her as she was taken roughly away. 'Stay there, stay safe. You have to find the Doctor!' And then she was round the side of one of the capsules and could not see Mrs Wingsworth any more.

The badger pirate dragged her back onto the Brilliant's bridge. A whole gang of badger pirates awaited them, the last three of the human crew kneeling in front of them, their hands clasped to their heads. Thomas, Captain Georgina and a pretty, red-haired girl were all that had survived. The rest, Martha realised, must have been shot or sucked out into space. With these last three survivors were Archibald, Jocelyn and Dashiel. A male badger was shouting at them, brandishing a bent silver tray.

'But Stanley,' Dashiel tried to explain. 'It happened. We ate the food and then it was there again!'

Stanley was about to say something when he saw Martha being brought in. 'Good one, Zuzia,' he told the badger gripping Martha's arm. 'Put her with the rest.'

'But she's good,' said Archibald quietly.

'Shaddap!' snapped Stanley. Zuzia led Martha over to the three human crew, and gestured with her gun for Martha to kneel in the same way that they did. Martha did as she was bidden, taking her place between Captain Georgina and Thomas. Blood dripped from Thomas's handlebar moustache and he wouldn't meet her eye.

'You don't have to hurt us,' said Martha calmly.

'Nah,' said Stanley, coming over. 'But we wanta.' To prove his point, he cuffed Thomas across the face with the back of his paw. He leered at Martha, his breath hot and stinky in her face. But before he could hit her or hurt her, another badger came running in.

'Yeah, Toby?' said Stanley.

'We got the drive,' said the newcomer.

'Hah!' said Stanley. 'Get it back to the captain. We just gotta finish up 'ere.'

'Aw,' said Toby. 'Can I watch?'

'Get off!' snapped Stanley. 'S'more important.'

'Right,' said Toby, and he hurried away. Stanley turned back to his prisoners.

'Don't do this,' Martha told him.

'I got orders, ain't I?' said Stanley.

'Yeah, but no one owns anyone.' said Dashiel.

'Hah!' laughed Stanley. But there was a murmur from some of the other badgers. Martha dared to glance round at them. No, she could see they weren't happy with three of their prisoners being badgers from their own ship. 'You reckon?' Stanley leered at Dashiel.

'Yeah,' said Dashiel, daring to get to his feet. The other pirates still kept their guns on him. 'We don't 'ave to be slaves alla time.'

Stanley snorted at him, but clearly had no answer to this. He wrinkled his wet, black badger nose, and Martha could see him thinking this proposition over. Then, without any fuss, he raised his gun and shot Dashiel squarely in the chest. Dashiel screamed as the pink light engulfed him.

'Dash!' cried Jocelyn, but before she could move, Archibald had grabbed her, stopping her from getting shot herself.

The pink light died away and Dashiel's dead body toppled over onto the floor.

'Hah,' said Stanley.

'Tha's bad, Stanley,' said Archibald, hugging Jocelyn as she sobbed into his shoulder.

'Yeah?' said Stanley. 'Captain Florence ain't 'appy wiv 'im. You flew off before you was told.' So, thought Martha, that explained why only the three badger pirates had got aboard the Brilliant at first. Dashiel hadn't been able to wait.

'Dash said we'd get the spoils,' said Archibald quietly.

'I know that!' said Stanley. 'He's a cheater. We all 'ave to wait till she says we can go. Uvverwise it ain't fair.'

'Yeah,' said Archibald. 'But...'

'No but!' snapped Stanley. 'Captain Florence wants ta see you and Joss. Tell you off 'erself.' Martha saw Archibald and Jocelyn both shiver with terror at the thought of whatever punishment their captain might have in store for them. 'And you can take 'er that one, too,' added Stanley, waggling his gun in the direction of Martha.

'Me?' she said, horrified. 'Why me?'

'Archie's been tellin' us all about ya,' said Stanley. 'You put stuff in his 'ead.'

'What, the canapés?' she said, trying to sound surprised and innocent. 'That's just a bit of food.'

'Yeah!' nodded Stanley. 'An' now look what 'e's like!'

Martha looked over at Archibald. He grinned and waved at her. Then seemed to remember where he was, and put his paws slowly back on the top of his head.

'See?' said Stanley. He waved his gun at the rest of the prisoners, teasing them as to who he'd kill next. Then he shrugged. 'Get 'em up.'

The other badgers came forward and the prisoners – Martha, the human crew, Archibald and Jocelyn – got slowly to their feet. The three other humans were bruised and bloody where they'd been knocked about. Captain Georgina still looked like she'd been modelling for some glossy magazine, though. She stood taller than the badgers, and the look in her eye showed she would not be intimidated.

'Take your own lot,' she said. 'But you'll leave Martha here with me.'

'Yeah?' said Stanley. 'But you're all gonna die, ain't ya?' He turned and shot at the horseshoe of computers, which exploded in pink flame.

'No!' shouted Captain Georgina and, ignoring the other badgers and their guns, ran over to the blazing, bright pink bonfire that had once been her command. When she turned to face the badgers again, her eyes were terrible to see. Stanley grinned at her, like she'd just given him permission to kill her.

'Captain,' said Martha carefully. 'You should come back over here. You're still a prisoner. Stanley will show you mercy.'

'Hah!' said Stanley. 'Mercy!' He raised his gun.

'You're not going to get away with this,' said Captain Georgina with majestic calm.

'Yeah I am,' said Stanley, and he shot her. Captain Georgina didn't cry out as the pink light engulfed her. Martha, horrified, thought she might even have provoked her own death, rather than be taken prisoner. Everyone else seemed utterly terrified of what might happen to them at the hands of Captain Florence.

'Right,' said Stanley. And he led the badgers and their prisoners off the bridge and back to their capsules. Martha was forced into the back of one capsule, squeezed in between Stanley and another badger called Kitty Rose. It was like being in the back of her brother's car, her knees up by her elbows and no room to even breathe. Through the window, she saw Archibald being squashed into the back of another capsule further along the passageway, and Jocelyn escorted to another.

Thomas and the pretty, red-haired girl remained standing in the passageway, looking unsure what to do.

'You're not taking them with us?' asked Martha as the capsule door closed.

In front of her, Stanley checked the readings on the dashboard in front of him, checking that all the other pirate capsules were ready to go. 'Nah,' he said. A thought struck him, and he leaned round in his seat to leer at her again. 'Gonna show 'em mercy.'

He stabbed a button on the controls in front of him with his hairy paw. The capsule lurched backwards, smashing out of the side of the Brilliant and out into the vacuum of space. Martha smacked her head on the back of the capsule, and as she recovered herself saw the starship falling away from her, a weird steel sailing ship with glittering solar sails. Its hull was blotchy with red patches where the badgers' capsules had torn through it. Martha watched the other capsules tearing out from the Brilliant. From the hole her own capsule had just made, she saw Thomas and the red-haired girl, clutching each other tightly as they tumbled into space.

Stanley and the other badger, Kitty Rose, worked the simple controls, and the capsule turned slowly round to face the spiky peach of the pirate ship. Stanley dum-de-dummed as they made their way forward. When she'd seen it on the screens aboard the Brilliant, Martha had had no idea of the scale of the pirate ship, but it was enormous. The spikes weren't guns but narrow tower blocks, each one the size of the hospital she used to work in. She realised there must be thousands and thousands of badgers aboard. It was less a ship than a moving city.

Still humming to himself contentedly, Stanley steered them round into the vast hangar at the back of the ship where thousands of identical capsules sat waiting. They parked in a free space about a mile into the hangar, and Stanley patted his thighs in time to his humming while he waited for a signal from the controls on his dashboard to say it was OK to get out.

Martha prised herself out of the cramped back seat, her knees and elbows aching. Stanley shrugged at her discomfort. The other badgers emerged from capsules across the way, prodding Archibald and Jocelyn forwards with their guns. Archibald grinned at Martha like this was all a game.

'You can see where I got made,' he told her.

'Nah,' said Stanley. 'You got uvver stuff to do.'

Their captors led them to what was almost a golf-car, which whined and whispered as it took them to the end of the huge hangar and dropped them off at a lift. Stanley hummed again as they waited for the lift to arrive. One of the other badgers recognised the tune and dared to join in the humming. Stanley glared at him and he quickly stopped.

The spacious lift seemed to go sideways as well as up and down, and Martha tried to make sense of the complex instructions Stanley gave it. She was still sure she'd be able to escape somehow.

They stood in awkward silence as the lift rushed them upwards and along. Stanley and the other badgers seemed to itch with excitement about wherever they were going. Whatever Captain Florence had in store for her prisoners, it would, Martha realised, be entertainment for the other badger pirates.

Eventually the lift came to a stop, and the doors slid open with a ding. Sweet and spicy air wafted in to them, a mix of pot-pourri and curry. Stanley beckoned his prisoners forward, and Martha stepped out into a passageway of hanging silks and incense. Not at all what she'd expected on any kind of spaceship.

As she proceeded down the corridor of pungent, hanging silks, Martha glimpsed a frenzy of activity going on out of view. The silks hid badgers in various loose-fitting, sweaty clothes as they busied themselves at banks of complex controls. They were, realised Martha, on the bridge of the pirate ship. But the captain here had tried to make it look homely.

At the end of the passageway, a great viewing gallery looked out into space. Looking up and at an angle, Martha could see the Starship Brilliant. She could never get used to space being in three dimensions. In front of the window, silhouetted by the stars, stood the dread Captain Florence.

'Captain!' said Stanley, hurrying over. He hung his head and his whole body bowed to her. 'I done as you asked,' he simpered. An' I brought you prisoners.'

Captain Florence slapped him so hard across the face he skidded over the floor.

'Speak,' she said, her voice rich and husky, 'when yar spoken to, me hearty!'

She turned to see the prisoners she'd been brought. Martha gasped as the captain stepped into the light. Captain Florence stood taller than any of her pirates. She wore a loose, collarless blouse. Her bare, bristly arms were taut and muscular, like she spent her whole time working out. A jagged scar worked across her forehead, dipped behind an eyepatch, and then continued down her hairy cheek.

'Er,' said Martha. 'It's very nice to meet you.'

Captain Florence looked her slowly up and down, like a butcher might appraise a fatted calf. Then she clicked her paws, called out 'Dylan!' to one of the badgers working behind the hanging silks, and turned back to watch the Brilliant, perfectly framed in the middle of the great bay window.

'Um,' said Martha, as badgers – one of them called Dylan – ran about behind her, doing whatever they'd just been bidden. She heard paws working on keyboards and levers being pressed.

And then a brilliant white beam of light struck out from underneath them and blew the Brilliant to smithereens.

FOURTEEN

The pirate ship Mandelbrot Sett had space for one million of the capsules it used for raiding other spacecraft. The hangar had a hundred levels, and each level divided into a grid of parking spaces, one hundred by one hundred.

This did not mean that there were capsules to fill all the parking spaces. The badgers expected to lose at least a few on any given raid, and over the years they'd taken part in several thousand raids. Though they replaced the capsules when they could, there were still various parking spaces dotted around the hangar's hundred floors.

And into one of these, with a rasping, grating sound as if the very fabric of space and time was being torn through, materialised the TARDIS.

The door of the TARDIS creaked open, and out stepped Mrs Wingsworth. 'Oh honestly, dear,' she said. 'It's like something died in here.'

The Doctor followed her out, sniffing at the air. 'Well that's car parks for you,' he said. 'Although, given where we are, it's likely something did.'

'Hoi!' shouted a gruff voice from behind the rows of parked pirate capsules. Two badger pirates came running forward, their guns at the ready. The Doctor turned to Mrs Wingsworth and winked. He had the first stirrings of a plan.

'Hullo!' he said to the two badgers cheerily. 'I'm the Doctor, this is Mrs Wingsworth. We've got an appointment with your captain.'

The two badgers skidded to a halt and looked nervously at one another. 'You gotta what?' one of them asked the Doctor.

'An appointment,' he said. 'Brought it from the Brilliant for her. She'll be livid if she doesn't get it.'

The badgers whispered to one another, obviously terrified of what would happen if they upset Captain Florence. And, he could see them thinking, no one would really be stupid enough to go see the captain if they didn't have to. 'OK,' said one of them. 'You come with us.'

'It'd be our pleasure,' said the Doctor. 'Wouldn't it, Mrs Wingsworth?'

'Certainly, dear,' she said. She hung her tentacle through the Doctor's proffered elbow, and they followed the two badgers as if they were on a night out at the opera.

'I'm sorry,' said the Doctor as they made their way between the hundreds of pirate capsules towards the lift. 'I didn't catch your names.'

'Karl,' said one of the badgers. 'Tha's Robbie. We're on duty.'

'And you're very professional about it,' said the Doctor. 'I'll be telling your captain how impressed we are with you.'

Karl and Robbie grinned at each other and quickened their pace towards the lifts. The lift itself, when it came, was big enough to fit two or three of the pirate capsules into, which was probably useful for getting things repaired, thought the Doctor. Before stepping inside, he turned to the two badgers.

'Well,' he said. 'You two have been extremely kind. Mrs Wingsworth and I are both very touched.'

'It's been simply splendid!' agreed Mrs Wingsworth, perhaps enjoying the act a little bit too much.

'But we mustn't detain you any longer,' said the Doctor. 'You must get back to your duties.'

'Uh,' said Robbie. 'We, uh, don't come wiv ya?'

'Oh no!' said the Doctor appalled at the very idea. 'You're on duty! What would your captain say?'

The two badgers stepped quickly back from the lift, and the Doctor worked the controls. The lift went up and down and could also go sideways, and it took the Doctor almost two whole seconds to work out how to get them to the bridge. He keyed in the instructions and, with a ding, the lift doors began to close. Mrs Wingsworth waved politely to Karl and Robbie.

When the lift doors had closed and the lift was on its way, Mrs Wingsworth let out a long sigh. 'Well!' she said. 'I never thought we'd get away with it.'

'Oh, it's easy enough,' said the Doctor. 'I do this all the time.'

'What, just walking onto alien pirate spaceships as if you own the place?' laughed Mrs Wingsworth.

'Oh yeah,' said the Doctor. 'It's like a hobby.'

Mrs Wingsworth laughed. And then the laugh tailed off and became more like she was choking. The Doctor realised she was forcing herself not to cry.

'Sorry,' said the Doctor. 'Forgot how this sort of thing can take a bit of getting used to.'

'Oh no!' wailed Mrs Wingsworth. 'It's been amazing, dear! I've never felt more alive. The first time they killed me, I was absolutely terrified. But it didn't matter after that. And I watched your friend Martha. She didn't have a gun like they did, and she stood up to them! She used her brains. Tried to get that Archibald one drunk!'

The Doctor laughed. 'One-track mind, that one,' he said. 'You can tell she's from London.'

'You don't understand!' said Mrs Wingsworth, desperately. 'I've never... We never... I've never stood up to anyone before.' She hung her head, sadly, like how could he even look at her now?

'Ah,' said the Doctor. 'You've got a big family, haven't you, Mrs Wingsworth?'

She looked up at him, surprised. 'Whatever's that got to do with anything, dear?' she said.

'You talk about them all the time,' he told her. 'Your cousin who did this, your uncle who did that.'

'There's nothing wrong with being proud of your lineage,' she said.

'But you never tell stories about things you've done yourself,' he said.

'Oh,' she said. 'Well.' She shuffled awkwardly, stroking her tentacles together. 'I suppose that's because I don't have very much to tell you.'

The Doctor smiled at her. 'I guess not,' he said. 'There's not really anything exciting in how you stood up to the pirates. Or how you got killed once or twice. Or teaching Dashiel how to say "please" and "thank you".'

Mrs Wingsworth shivered. 'They killed him,' she said. 'I saw his body.'

'I'm sorry,' said the Doctor, kindly.

'If I hadn't won him over...' said Mrs Wingsworth.

'He'd have been a poorer badger,' the Doctor finished for her. 'You showed him a better life. And that's what he died for.'

Mrs Wingsworth sniffed. 'I suppose.'

'So,' said the Doctor. 'You've got stories to tell your clever family when I get you back to them.'

'Oh,' she said. 'I don't expect they'll be very interested, dear. They never were in me. That's why I was on the Brilliant. You see,' she added nervously, 'it wasn't the war I was running away from.'

The Doctor took one of her tentacles in his hands, calming her. 'You should be proud of all you've done here,' he said.

'Oh, I am!' she said, snatching her tentacle from him. 'It's just they would never think so. Because they never do!' Her eyes opened wide at this sudden revelation. 'Because,' she said, more quietly, 'they just aren't worth the bother.'

'You don't pick your family,' said the Doctor. 'Trust me, it's an achievement just to survive them sometimes.'

Mrs Wingsworth laughed, a deep belly rumble rather than the high, sarcastic tinkling she had used before, when laughing at other people's failings. 'All right,' she said, slapping a tentacle against the Doctor's shoulder in a manner most unseemly for a Balumin of her age. 'No more feeling sorry for myself and sulking in the corner. And they can either like it or lump it.'

'You go, girl,' said the Doctor.

'Believe me, Doctor, I intend to,' said Mrs Wingsworth. 'Now let's sort out this wretched pirate captain, shall we?'

And with a ding the lift arrived at the bridge of the pirate ship. The doors eased open to reveal a passageway of hanging silks, behind which badgers worked controls. The air was rich with exotic spices, flavours from all over the cosmos. It was a sign of just how widely travelled these badger pirates were. Mrs Wingsworth took the Doctor's elbow, and – again acting as if they were honoured guests – they stepped forward. At the end of the passageway, they could see Archibald and Jocelyn held captive by their former badger comrades. And, down some steps, Martha and the ferocious pirate captain gazed out of a wide bay window at the Starship Brilliant.

The Doctor and Mrs Wingsworth were just in time to see a beam of blinding light strike the Brilliant and blast it into pieces.

'No!' yelled Martha at the pirate captain. 'You've killed the Doctor!'

'Er,' said the Doctor. 'Actually, she missed.' The badgers wheeled round, astonished at this intrusion. 'Sorry to butt in,' said the Doctor, skipping down the steps to join them in front of the great bay window. He waved at Archibald and Jocelyn and winked at Martha. 'But we saw a light on and thought we'd just pop in. Any danger of a cup of tea? Or some of those cheese and pineapple on sticks?'

'I said!' said Archibald, straining from the badger who held him captive to tell his other former comrades. 'I said they was good!'

'You all right?' the Doctor asked Martha.

'Yeah,' she said. 'Fine. Getting a bit bored of all this, to be honest.'

'Oh dear,' said the Doctor. 'Well, don't worry. Have it all fixed in a jiffy.' He turned to the tall badger captain in the collarless blouse and eyepatch. She was tall for one of the badgers, her high-heeled boots meaning she could look the Doctor straight in the eye. 'Hello there!' he said. 'You must be Captain Florence. Nice to meet—'

Captain Florence roared, and the next thing the Doctor knew he was skidding on his back across the floor, the impression of a hairy fist hot across his face. 'Ow,' he said. Beside him lay another badger pirate, who'd clearly just suffered a similar rebuke from the captain.

'Now really,' muttered Mrs Wingsworth from where she stood by Martha. 'There's no need for that sort of behaviour.'

Captain Florence slapped her hard across the face. Mrs Wingsworth cowered under the blow, her tentacles raised to protect herself from being hit again.

'This ain't fun and games!' the captain roared. She looked up at the badgers who had emerged from the silk hangings so as not to miss seeing the fighting. 'Amelia!' she barked. 'Samuel! Find out how these two got aboard!' Two badger pirates scurried back to their controls.

The Doctor slowly picked himself up off the floor. 'There's really no need to be like this,' he said. 'I just wanted a chat.'

'You got sum'fin to offer us, 'ave ya?' leered Captain Florence.

'A better life than you've got at the moment,' said Mrs Wingsworth.

'With canapés and tea,' added Archibald. He turned to the badgers holding him and Jocelyn prisoner. 'You gotta try 'em,' he said. 'They're good.'

'Er, yeah,' said the Doctor. He stepped up to Captain Florence, though just out of reach of her punching him again. 'I'm disappointed you've not already listened to your friend Archie.'

Archibald bowed his head. 'I tried tellin' 'em,' he said.

'Oh, I'm not blaming you, Archie,' said the Doctor kindly. 'It's just a shame your management aren't open to suggestions. Not looking to new investment opportunities, to expand the business portfolio. Doesn't say much for their long-term prospects, if you ask me.'

Captain Florence pulled the gun from the belt around her waist. The Doctor tutted at her. 'Oh yes,' he said. 'That's the solution to everything, isn't it?'

But the captain didn't shoot him. Instead she shot Mrs Wingsworth. She didn't scream or cry out and, as the pink light ate her up, she kept staring defiantly at the captain. Captain Florence stepped back as the corpse collapsed in front of her. She looked a little shaken.