Текст книги "Breaking a Legend"

Автор книги: Sarah Robinson

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

Clare had left him. She was gone.

He loved her.

His chest felt heavy and empty all at the same time. His knee was throbbing as it did every morning, but he barely noticed it over the onslaught of hurt ripping through his heart. He had fallen for her. He wished he had figured it out sooner, but now that she was gone, he knew it without question.

Sitting up, he saw Ace sprawled out across the end of the bed, which was unusual since he always slept on the floor. He wondered if his dog could sense the hurt he was feeling and was being protective.

Tomorrow was Kane’s qualifying fight, so Rory swung his legs over the bed and proceeded to start his day. He gritted his teeth to try to breathe through the pain as his leg complained intensely under the pressure of his weight. He stared down at the knotted scar that sliced across his knee, remembering when Clare had kissed it.

Now that he looked back on it, that was probably the moment he fell in love with her. Her wholehearted acceptance of who he was had touched him deeply. But it was too late; she was gone, and his knee ached with a pain that vied with the pain in his heart. He decided right then and there that he was going to find some pills when he got to Legends. There was no point in trying to stay clean anymore.

Rory settled on a bowl of cereal for breakfast, feeding Ace at the same time. He got dressed in a black muscle shirt and some long, dark red gym shorts, then bundled up in a jacket for the quick yet cold walk in the late fall weather. Leashing Ace, he and the dog headed out together. Ten minutes later, they trudged through the front doors of the family gym.

“Morning, bro,” Kane greeted him with a nod.

Rory didn’t answer, ignoring him. He just didn’t want to deal with anyone right now. He didn’t want to talk.

“You look like shit. I’m guessing you didn’t find Clare?” Kane continued.

“What do you think, asshole?” Rory grumbled, passing his brother, who was standing outside the locker room doors. He went inside and put away his coat and Ace’s leash, the dog loose beside him, then rifled through several neighboring lockers. They were easy to get into when you had the master key to all of them.

Right now he needed one thing and one thing only, because there was no way he was going to get through the day without some help. He lucked out on the fifth locker, finding a bottle of hydrocodone pills in someone’s gym bag. He took out the whole bottle, gulping down two immediately dry, while ignoring the whining coming from Ace, standing next to him. He poured the rest of the bottle into a plastic sandwich bag before replacing the bottle in the gym bag. Rory stowed the bag in his pocket for later before he left the locker room.

When Rory emerged from the locker room, he found Kane staring him down, arms crossed over his chest.

“What’s wrong with you? I’m sure she’ll turn up. You need to relax,” Kane said, following Rory over to the rings with Ace.

“What the fuck do you know?”

“You’re so pleasant in the mornings—what’s going on?”

“Will you just drop it?” Rory bit back the desire to punch someone, anyone.

“Why answer all my questions with a question?”

Rory groaned in frustration. “Can we please just train?”

“You did it again.”

Rory felt something snap in him and he whirled around, his fist connecting with Kane’s jaw, hard. Ace started barking as Kane staggered back a few steps, gasping. Several members working out nearby turned to watch them.

“Shut up, Ace.” Rory motioned to the dog, who stopped barking at the command.

Seamus’s booming voice intervened. “What the hell is going on here?”

Rory turned toward the cage, again almost tripping over Ace, who seemed to be glued to his side. The dog was staring up at him intently, and Rory was getting aggravated. He had enough judgment in his life; he didn’t need it from the damn dog, too.

“Rory, what the fuck was that?” Kane yelled furiously, storming back toward him but stopping when he saw Ace’s protective stance.

“I’m not fucking doing this.”

“Outside, both of you. Now!” Seamus commanded, glancing around the gym at the audience that was beginning to form.

Rory and Kane glared at each other for a moment, not moving. Slowly, they both obeyed and headed toward the front of the gym, keeping a wide gap between them. Having left his jacket in the locker room, Rory was hit hard by the cold air when they stepped out front onto the sidewalk. Ace was beside him, warily watching Rory’s brother and father.

Kane glared at his brother as they stood apart from each other. “Are you drinking again?”

“I wish,” Rory grumbled, appreciating the pills in his pocket and wishing he could take more.

“What happened in there?” Seamus asked in concern.

“Your son is a fucking lunatic is what happened,” Kane retorted.

Rory said nothing. Seamus glowered at the two men, visibly frustrated, then pushed his hands through his thick salt-and-pepper hair.

“Kane, go inside. I want to talk to your brother.” Kane flung up his hands like he could care less and left the two of them alone.

Rory’s father spoke to him. “You’re using again, aren’t you?”

It was phrased as a question, but there was certainty in his voice. Guilt washed over Rory as he shoved his hands into his pockets uncomfortably, feeling the bag of pills beneath his fingertips.

“My knee is still fucked up,” Rory said weakly, knowing the excuse wouldn’t make a difference.

“Damn it, Rory. What happened? You stopped for a while, like at least the last few weeks. Am I wrong?” Seamus paced back and forth.

“I did.”

“Then why did you start again? The whole family was about to force you into rehab, but then we noticed you getting better. That girl was having a good influence on you—you were getting better.”

“It’s not that simple,” Rory mumbled, dropping his head again.

“It is that simple, son. You’re walking around here with a giant chip on your shoulder, like the world owes you something. That’s not how your mother and I raised you.” Seamus’s voice drifted from commanding to sorrowful as he talked.

“Dad, I’m fine.”

“Do you have anything on you right now?”

Rory realized too late that he had unconsciously put a protective hand over his pocket when his father asked him that. Seamus put his hand out, motioning for Rory to empty his pockets. Rory reluctantly reached a hand in and pulled out the sandwich bag, then dropped it in his father’s hand.

“Shit,” a female voice behind them mumbled.

Another woman’s voice joined in. “What’s that?”

Both Rory and his father turned to find Casey and Clare staring at the interaction. Rory’s jaw dropped in shock. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He had honestly thought he would never see her again. She had left everything behind, including him.

“Rory, please tell me you’re not high right now.” Casey sounded so forlorn and heartbroken, causing another sweep of guilt to pass through him at the thought of disappointing one of the most important women in his life.

“Clare, you’re here,” he stuttered, baffled at what to say. This was less than the ideal way to see her again, handing a bag of pills to his father.

“Casey, I’m handling this,” Seamus told her.

“Rory, what’s going on? What do they mean?” Clare looked stricken; her face had lost what little color it first had. Her hand absently dropped to pet Ace, who had gone rushing over to her the moment her presence was known. Rory glared at him for a second. Traitor.

“I thought you left,” he said, as if it was a clear explanation.

“I’m staying at Casey’s. We tried calling you. I had to tell you something.” Clare’s eyes swept over him, filled with something he couldn’t identify.

Rory suddenly realized that he didn’t have his phone on him, having left it on his kitchen table last night. He hadn’t even bothered to check it again—since Clare didn’t have her phone with her, there was nothing he needed it for. At least that was what he had thought, but he was clearly wrong.

“So you started doing drugs?” Clare turned to his family for confirmation, clearly trying to figure out what was going on.

No one said anything, and Rory cringed as he saw the realization finally strike her. Shame swelled up in him, threatening to burst forth in a thousand excuses. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, having spent the last twelve hours thinking she was gone for good. He wanted to memorize everything about her, wanted to run over and wrap his arms around her, kiss her until he could taste nothing but her.

“It was never only alcohol, was it?” Clare asked.

He didn’t move; no one did.

“I can’t—I can’t do this.” She stumbled over her words, gawking between him and Casey. “You know I can’t. Not again—I can’t do it.”

Rory’s cousin just bit her lip nervously, glancing over at Rory with wide eyes. Clare backed up, then turned and briskly walked away from them. Ace whimpered. Rory moved to follow her, but Casey put her hands up and stepped in front of him.

“You have to let her go right now.”

“What? No, I just got her back!”

“Rory, stop. Let her go,” Seamus said, echoing similar advice before shoving the bag of pills into his pocket and heading back to the gym door. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow, son. Just go home for the day.” He walked inside, leaving Rory with Casey.

“I tried to call you a dozen times last night and this morning, Rory. Shit, this is such a mess. I mean, can you stop fucking everything up for once? You’re so much better than this. My cousin, my best friend—he is so much better than this, Rory.” Her eyes were teary as she spoke, which made him turn away. He couldn’t see her cry.

“I’m going to go check on her. Just go home, Rory.”

“What the fuck just happened? What is going on?” he said to no one in particular, as he found himself alone on the sidewalk.

He felt nauseous and confused. He wondered for a moment if this was what it felt like to lose your mind. Twelve hours had made his life unrecognizable; everyone he loved was angry with him.

Clare wasn’t gone, and yet she was.

He had lost her just as soon as he had found her.

Chapter 16

“He’s calling again.” Casey looked over at Clare expectantly, holding her phone up a few hours later.

“I can’t, please, I just can’t,” Clare told her, grabbing a pillow off the couch at Casey’s apartment and burying her face in it.

“All right, but we’re going to have to talk to him eventually. Well, you’re going to have to.”

“I know, and I will.” Clare dropped the pillow back down to her lap. “Be honest with me, Case. How long has he been using?”

“A while, but it’s really only been bad since the physical therapy from his injury ended.”

Clare studied her friend’s face as she talked, noting the sadness in her expression.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you knew; most people do.”

“I knew he drank! How was I supposed to know it was more than that?” Clare was exasperated, and she wondered if she was foolish to think Casey was really her friend. She hated anything that had to do with drugs; she wouldn’t even take aspirin. Yet her boyfriend was an addict. Is he even my boyfriend?

This feels familiar. She closed her eyes in dread.

“Clare, I adore you, I really do, but it’s Rory. He’s like my brother—he’s been everything to me my whole life.” Casey’s normally sparkling blue eyes were dull and tortured.

Clare stood up from the couch and nodded, ambling over to the kitchen and lifting her coffee mug from under the coffeemaker, which just finished brewing. As she tossed in a little sugar and some creamer, she realized that of course Casey’s loyalties were to Rory, as they should be.

She wondered whether, if she still had a family, it would have been that way. There just seemed to be so much she didn’t understand about familial relationships; every day she spent with the Kavanagh family, she learned something new.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. I didn’t mean to put you between us like that,” Clare apologized as she brought her coffee back over to the couch where Casey was sitting with her knees tucked up against her chest.

“I know, but I do love you, girl. We’ve only known each other a couple months, but you know I’d help you if I could.”

“I know.” Clare smiled at her. “You do too much for me. You definitely got the short end of our friendship.”

Casey shook her head in disagreement, changing topics.

“We do still need to talk to Rory about Travis,” Casey reminded her after a quiet moment had passed between the women.

“No, we don’t,” Clare instructed her adamantly.

“Well, what do you plan to do, then?”

“Pretend none of this is happening and that I’m on a tropical beach?”

“I definitely like that better,”

“Who wouldn’t?” Clare smirked.

“In all seriousness, though, you’re going to stay here with me, right? Don’t just up and leave like you tried last night, Clare. Your ex will obviously find you anywhere you go, so why not stay someplace safe with people who care about you.”

“I know you’re right,” Clare agreed. “I’ll stay.”

“Good. And what about letting me talk to Seamus about it?”

Clare’s eyes went wide at the mention. “I don’t want to bother anyone with this. It’s bad enough that I’m uprooting your life.” Clare tried to sound firm and serious, but her voice quivered.

“You’re not uprooting anything, and we need to talk to someone about this. Listen, just take today and get some sleep. We were up half the night, and it’s not even noon yet.”

“I am really tired…”

“Exactly, and I guarantee you that even if Travis somehow figured out you came to stay with me, he certainly isn’t going to find where I live. This apartment is under my uncle’s name, along with half of Woodlawn. So get some sleep. I need to run errands anyway. Tomorrow morning we can talk about it again, okay?”

Clare just nodded, feeling the last few hours, or days, of turmoil catching up to her. Adrenaline had been helping for a while, with the assistance of coffee, but with the long work shift last night and then her late night talking to Casey, she was quickly beginning to remember how tired she was.

She knew that even after she went to sleep this afternoon, she wouldn’t feel rested afterward. She had been tossing and turning for weeks, not getting anything restful except for the nights she spent curled up in Rory’s arms. But that wasn’t an option right now.

She hated being afraid, having lived with it for so many years already. She had just started to remember what it was like not to be always looking over her shoulder. Now her greatest fear could show up any minute, and she had turned away one of the only people in the world who could help her.

She wondered if she had done the right thing, walking away from Rory like that. Biting her lip, she thought about all the times she had found Travis and his friends doing things a lot worse. And even worse, all the times that she had participated. She wondered what Rory would think if he knew her past, what her record held.

Rory was nothing like Travis, yet she had forgiven Travis again and again for all the illegal activity he had been involved in—most of which she had turned a blind eye to, as if not acknowledging that it meant it wasn’t happening. She had needed to believe him—after all, he was the only person she had back then.

She had looked the other way to protect herself. It’s all she had known to do; she needed a roof over her head and food on the table, and he had provided those things. He told her daily that she wasn’t smart enough to take care of herself or to live on her own, that she couldn’t live without him, and for over five years she had believed him.

Now she knew differently, and she wasn’t going to let any man drag her back into the life she used to lead. Clare realized that maybe that was why she had reacted so strongly to Rory’s pills—it had felt as though he was trying to force her back into that life. She refused to ever let that happen; she was never going to be that girl again, no matter what.

Certainly not for Travis.

But not for Rory, either.

–

Hearing Casey’s voicemail start to play once again, Rory hung up the phone. He tossed it onto his nightstand in aggravation, and dropped his body onto the bed, exhausted. He hadn’t slept well all night, and then he had been up early to train Kane, which he hadn’t even ended up doing. Groaning, he rolled over onto his back, wondering how he had made such a mess of everything in the span of only a few minutes this morning.

The doorbell rang, interrupting his self-deprecating thoughts, as he forced himself up off the bed and trudged to the front door. Ace stood up and trotted after him, eager to see who was there.

“Hi, handsome.” A familiar, attractive brunette stood before him, wearing too-skimpy running attire for the cold weather.

“Molly, hi.” Rory shifted his weight awkwardly.

She must have taken his moving to the side as an invitation to come in, because she slid right past him and into his living room. Ace let out a low growl as she entered, then turned to his dog bed in the corner, dropping himself dramatically onto it. Rory pushed the door shut behind him, glancing over at Ace, who was giving him an angry stare.

He was starting to wonder whose side this dog really was on, because it didn’t seem to be his.

“What are you doing here?” He wasn’t feeling in the mood for pleasantries.

She spoke seductively as she sauntered over to him. “I was just in the neighborhood, going for a run, thought I would stop by and see if you wanted to help me with a different kind of exercise.”

She leaned toward him as she got close and ran her finger down his chest before circling her hand in the fabric and pulling him closer to her. He swallowed nervously, not sure how to respond. After a long second, he finally stepped back.

“I can’t, Molly.”

“Why? This is what we do—just fun and games, right?” He heard the stinging in her voice underneath her words, knowing that she wanted more than that from him.

“I started seeing someone.”

“I know, the infamous Rory Kavanagh is always seeing tons of girls. You don’t need to remind me.” A hint of pain splashed over her face for a moment before she masked it.

“No, it’s not like that. Clare is different.”

“You have a girlfriend? Like, monogamous?” Molly definitely sounded surprised now, but she also seemed not to believe it.

“Well, no. She isn’t my girlfriend; in fact, I think we just broke up,” Rory confessed, wondering how to explain what Clare was to him.

Did we just break up? Were we together in the first place?

He really wasn’t sure. Even though there was never a label put on anything, it had certainly felt more real than anything else he had ever experienced.

“I see; typical Rory,” Molly murmured before turning her attention elsewhere. “Look what I brought for us.”

She pulled a small plastic bag out of her pocket. He wondered where it had been hiding, because her clothes were so tight they left nothing to the imagination. He immediately recognized the small white pills she was dangling in front of him and took the bag from her.

“Thanks.” He nodded, taking the pills to the kitchen with him to get something to wash them down with.

“That’s the Rory I know,” she said, following him.

He ignored her comment and pulled a glass from the cabinet, only to find that she was wrapping her arms around him from behind. She began kissing down his neck toward his shoulder, her hands sliding across his chest firmly so as to feel him underneath. He finished pouring a glass of water for himself and then turned around to face her.

“Molly, stop.” He put a hand on her shoulder and gently forced her back a bit.

“What’s wrong?”

“I told you, I’m seeing someone now.”

“No, you said you just broke up with someone. Plus, you don’t do relationships, remember? Isn’t that what you always told me?” She put her hands on her hips, anger seeping through her tone.

“Maybe before, but not now. Things are different…I want different things,” he tried to explain, realizing that he had never actually felt this way before. Had Clare done this? He had never been a relationship type—he still didn’t think he was—yet somehow everything he was thinking about Clare seemed to fit that.

“I brought you those, and you’ve always wanted them.” Molly pointed to the pills still in his hand. “Doesn’t that earn me any points?”

Rory stared down at them, rolling several pills back and forth in his palm. In the past, he had gotten his pills from many different people, including Molly. He would have done anything to get them, paid any price. But as he stared at them now, he felt like he was choosing between Clare and the pills. As if both couldn’t exist in the same world—and maybe that was exactly the case.

“Shit,” he grumbled under his breath, and poured the pills back into the bag sitting on the counter behind him. Ace was still lying in the corner, but had lifted his head and was watching with interest.

Scooping up the bag, he handed it back to a confused Molly. She took them hesitantly.

“What’s wrong?”

“You’re right. I used to always want these. I don’t anymore. Like I said, I want different things now,” Rory told her, opening the front door, hoping she understood that he was asking her to leave. Ace jumped up and joined him at his feet.

“Whatever, you’ll change your mind. You always do. You’ll be back.” She sauntered toward the door, a tight-lipped grimace on her face as she glared at him.

“Bye, Molly.”

She leaned down to pet Ace as Rory spoke, but he growled as usual and she changed her mind.

“You need to put that dog through some obedience training. It’s a menace.” Her words were laced with scorn.

“I’ll get right on that,” he replied sarcastically, petting Ace on the head.

Rory watched her leave, wondering if he had really changed. For the first time, he had just picked something else over drugs. Actually, he had picked someone else. He wanted Clare, and he wanted her more than he wanted the pills.

That’s a first.

“Please tell me that this is a fucking joke.” Rory pulled out of his thoughts to see Casey standing in front of him, pointing at Molly’s retreating figure.

“What?” He was confused as to why she seemed so angry.

“You’re sleeping with that bimbo? Seriously? Clare hasn’t even been gone a full day yet, and you’re already with someone else?”

“No, it’s not like that,” Rory began as Casey pushed her way into his apartment.

“Then what is it like, Rory? Because it looks like you’re back to sleeping around and doing drugs and all the shit you used to do before you met Clare!”

“I’m not sleeping with her—she just stopped by and I told her to leave.”

“I hope for your sake that is true, because Clare’s the best thing I’ve seen happen to you in a long time. You’re an entirely different person since you met her. Actually, not different—you’re like the old Rory, before the injury, even before the fame. I want that Rory back, and Clare is that for you. Plus, she is perfect for this family, so you better not ruin it.”

“Too late for that,” he scoffed, remembering how Clare had looked at him this morning.

“It’s not. She loves you and misses you. She just wants you not to be such a fuckup, like her ex.” Casey sat in a chair at the breakfast bar, which separated the kitchen from the living room. Ace came and lay down at her feet, and she gently stroked him with her shoe, not wanting to actually touch him.

“What does her ex have to do with this?”

“She said he was a dealer, or a user, something like that. Either way, it clearly made her never want to be around drugs again. I don’t blame her. I wouldn’t want to be, either, and I’ve never been through half of what she has.” Casey’s words made his blood boil as he remembered the fear in Clare’s eyes when she had mentioned her ex.

“She never told me that part.” He felt guiltier than ever now that he knew this, and at the same time, even more glad that he had turned away Molly and her offer. He had chosen Clare over drugs, something it sounded like her ex had never done. His thoughts halted for a moment as he thought back to something Casey had said.

“Wait—did you say she loves me?” He stood up straighter and stared intently at his cousin, whose gaze shifted uneasily.

“Uh, you’re going to have to talk to her about that one.”

“You just said that! How do you know that?”

“Slip of the tongue. I don’t know anything.” Casey got up and headed to the door, but he circled around in front of her.

“Casey, tell me: Does she love me?” He wasn’t sure why he was harping on this, but he had to know. The thought hadn’t ever occurred to him before, that she could possibly love him.

That she might love me back.

“Rory, give her the day to relax. Go apologize to Kane, help him win his fight, then talk to Clare tomorrow. Don’t come see her until you have your shit together, okay? She deserves at least that.” Casey slipped around him and opened the door.

“She’s staying with you?”

“Yes, which is another thing you need to talk to her about. She needs your help. It’s not my place to say, but it’s pretty serious.” With that, Casey left, not explaining further what she meant.

Anxiety coursed through him as he worried for Clare, hoping she was okay. He was definitely confused as to why she had suddenly left her phone, her apartment, everything, just to go live with his cousin. Luckily, he had trained Casey well in the ring, and in life, so he was sure that Clare was safe.

He had to admit to himself that Casey was right. He needed to go find his brother and get things squared away there first. He turned to find Ace standing by the door where Casey had just left.

Traitor, Rory thought as he looked down at his dog. If a woman was mad at him, the dog loved her. Maybe Ace did need obedience training, after all; he seemed confused about who his master was.