Текст книги "Until Fountain Bridge"

Автор книги: Samantha Young

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determined to spring to my eyes.

“Is that you, darling?” Mum called from the living room.

Miserable and needing a mum-hug, I moped down the hall and entered the room only to

draw to a surprised halt.

It was ten-thirty and Braden and Adam were still here.

Mum and Clark were in their armchairs, Braden and Adam on the couch, and all four of

them were no longer looking at the television but at me.

I took one look at them and knew why they were here and angry tears began to fill my

eyes.

“How did your date go?” Mum asked, her question faltering as she took in my expression.

“Awful,” I bit out and returned my glare to Braden and Adam. “He’s not asking me out

again because of these two idiots.”

“Good,” Braden responded flatly. “You’re too young to be dating.”

Mum sighed. “She’s not too young.”

“She’s too young,” Adam agreed. “And look at what she’s wearing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with what she’s wearing. She’s got tights on.”

“She’s fifteen,” Braden argued. “She’s got plenty of time to go on dates. She should

concentrate on school.”

“Oh you sound like an old fart, Braden.”

“I can’t believe your attitude, Elodie,” Adam sighed. “I thought you’d be more careful

about this stuff.”

“Careful,” Mum spluttered. “It was a date.”

As they squabbled on, my anger had time to grow and seethe, and the humiliation to fester.

The nicest, cutest, coolest guy at our school had asked me out on a date and my brother and

his best friend had ruined it for me. “I liked him,” I suddenly informed them, quietly but with an edge that halted their conversation. They all looked at me and a tear slipped down my

cheek as I said, “I really liked him. You both ruined it and you don’t even care.” Chest aching with the pressure of my hurt, I whirled and raced for the stairs, ignoring Braden calling my

name.

“I’ll get her,” Adam told him which made my legs move faster up the stairs. I banged my

bedroom door shut behind me and threw myself on my bed, hiding my face in my pillow as I

cried into it.

I heard the knock over the sound of my muffled sniffling and lifted my head just enough to

growl, “Go away.”

I tucked my head back into the pillow and waited.

Since I knew how tenacious Adam was it didn’t surprise me when he ignored my

command. I heard my door open and the creaks of the floor as he walked over to the bed. The

bed dipped on my right side and I heard Adam sigh.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized, his voice deep with sincerity. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry.”

I didn’t say anything, my throat burning even deeper when it occurred to me this was the

first time Adam had ever hurt me.

“Els.”

I turned my face on the pillow so I could see him. I ignored the worried look on his young,

gorgeous face and told him stonily, “Just go away, Adam.”

He ran a hand through his hair, turning more fully toward me. “Look, I feel like shit, Els. I

didn’t mean to ruin your night. Neither did Braden.”

“Oh I’m sure when you threatened sensory deprivation you had no intention of ruining my

chances with Sam.”

“Jesus,” Adam huffed. “You are too smart for your age. It’s like arguing with a grown

woman.”

“How would you know what it’s like to argue with a grown woman? You never stick

around long enough to do something to piss them off.”

His mouth twitched at my response and he shook his head. “Jesus,” he repeated.

After a minute of silence, Adam turned his head to look down at me again. His expression

was no longer amused. In fact he looked deadly serious. “If this kid dumped you because he’s

not man enough to deal with some familial concern, then he’s not the kind of boy you want to

be with.”

The word “familial” pushed that little button inside of me and I knew when I glared at him

this glare was colder than any that had come before it because it made him stiffen with

surprise. “You’re not my brother, Adam.” I snapped. “Stop acting like it.”

I felt a slash of pain across my chest at the hurt expression in his eyes, guilt instantly

making me want to cry even more. “I know that, Ellie.”

Our eyes met and held, and my awareness of him caused my skin to flush. “Do you?” I

murmured a little breathily.

Something flickered in his gaze and he stood up, looking uncomfortable. “I’ll leave you

alone for a bit. I just wanted you to know I would never intentionally hurt you.”

When I didn’t say anything, Adam exhaled wearily and left.

As he was closing my door I heard Braden’s voice right outside it. “She okay?”

“She’s pissed off. Let’s just leave her alone for a while.”

“I want to speak to her.”

“Braden—”

“I’ll get you downstairs,” he cut him off, opening my door and closing it behind him as he

stepped inside. Braden’s concerned eyes locked on me as he strode toward my bed.

“Els, sweetheart,” his voice was gruff as he sat down. “I’m so sorry.”

At that I burst out crying and launched myself against his chest, letting his strong arms

hold me tight and his soothing murmurs calm me.

Chapter 3

“You forgave Braden?” Adam frowned, holding the diary out to me.

I shrugged, taking it back and putting it next to the one from the year I was fourteen. “You

hurt me more. Not intentionally, of course, but I wanted you to see me as a woman, not a

girl.”

Adam gave me a look that suggested I was daft in the head. “You were a girl. You were

fifteen.”

“So you never saw me that way then? Not that night… in my little dress,” I teased.

“Not then,” he admitted softly as if worried he’d hurt my feelings. “You were still

Braden’s wee sister then.”

I wasn’t hurt. I had retrospect on my side, and frankly I’d find it somewhat concerning if

Adam had fancied my lanky, boob-less fifteen year-old self. Still, I was curious. “When did it

change for you?”

I was treated to another “are you daft?” look. “I’m not telling you that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a guy thing that you won’t get and it’ll probably piss you off.”

Okay, now I was definitely intrigued. “I won’t get annoyed. Just tell me. Please,” I begged

sweetly.

“Fine.” He eyed me warily. “It was the morning after your eighteenth birthday.”

My eyes widened as I remembered. Seriously?

“The morning on which you oh so casually told me you’d just lost your virginity.”

That was the moment he realized he had feelings for me? Jeezo… Joss was right. Men

were such cavemen. As that morning came back to me in vivid detail I gave a huff of laughter

as I now replayed the whole thing but with the realization that Adam had been jealous. Wow.

That was not how it had appeared to me at the time. “I knew you were mad at me but I

thought it was another overprotective “big brother” moment.”

“Nope.” Adam shook his head grimly, leaning back on the palms of his hands. “It was an

“I’m looking at my best friend’s wee sister who’s just told me she had sex for the first time

and I can see her swollen mouth and her bed hair and I’m getting fucking turned on”

moment.” His eyes locked on my mouth as he remembered. “My body reacted to what you’d

said before my brain did. I suddenly wondered what your lips felt like, how you’d taste, what

it would feel like to have your long legs wrapped around my back as I thrust into you…” I

squirmed, feeling my skin heat at the knowledge that Adam was thinking those very

appealing thoughts so long ago and I hadn’t had a clue. “Then I got pissed off. At myself for

feeling that way about you. And then at the guy for having tasted you. And then at you… for

letting him taste you.”

Our eyes locked and I felt my breathing grow shallow.

I knew if I didn’t say something else we’d end up making love in his spare room before

we could finish our trip down memory lane and frankly I was enjoying the trip. I cleared my

throat and grabbed up the next diary, hurriedly flicking through it.

I found the entry I was looking for and handed it to Adam. “You should know,” I

murmured softly, “That it all comes back to you.”

Sunday, April 30th

I lost my virginity last night. To Liam. It wasn’t how I’d wanted it to be. It hadn’t been

with who I wanted it to be with. It hadn’t been with someone I loved like I’d always promised myself it would be. And it hurt. And then it didn’t. In fact it wasn’t bad at all. But something else hurt last night, and unlike sex it didn’t stop hurting. It hasn’t stopped hurting…

The function room at the Marriott Hotel was absolutely packed and as I looked around I

realized that I didn’t even know some of these people.

Still, it was some turn out and Allie had pronounced my eighteenth birthday party a total

success and it wasn’t even over yet. Braden had hired the room at the hotel as well as a DJ

and caterer. My family had invited more family as well as their friends who invited their

friends, and I invited my friends who invited their friends who seemed to have invited their

friends. It was a crush, the buffet was almost gone, and the dance floor was full.

I watched catering staff come out of the back room with fresh trays of food and I scowled

as one of the pretty girls was stopped by Adam as she passed. Whatever he said made her

laugh and tilt her head flirtatiously. I watched them, ignoring the burn of jealousy in my

throat.

“Have I told you tonight how sexy you look?”

I was pulled back into a warm body and I lifted my chin, turning my head slightly to look

up into Liam Fenton’s handsome face. He was smiling down at me, his eyes glittering a little.

He was buzzed, but not drunk like Adam who’d started “getting happy” an hour before the

party even began. As per usual he’d turned up alone. From the cracks I’d heard Braden

making for years, Adam was a total player and I’d never met a single girl he’d dated.

Probably because he didn’t “date”.

Liam on the other hand appeared to be trying to keep his wits about him. I think I knew

why. He was nineteen, a student at Napier University, and we’d met when I’d toured the

university last year. We’d kept in touch, chatting online, until seemingly out of the blue Liam asked me out on a date six weeks ago. We’d messed around a little bit (and he’d given me my

first orgasm) but I’d been reluctant to have sex with him. I’d filled my head with so many

romance novels and movies I was convinced that my first time would be with someone I was

in love with. Although I liked Liam and I was attracted to him, I wasn’t in love with him yet.

However, I think he thought because I’d turned eighteen that tonight was going to be the

night. Hence why he was trying to stay as sober as possible.

I felt a little nervous about how I was going to disabuse him of that notion.

Smiling up at him, I gave him a shy nod. “You may have mentioned it once or twice.”

Liam grinned, his hands sliding down to rest on my hips. “It’s worth mentioning more

than once. Every guy in here thinks I’m a lucky bugger and they’d be right.”

His lips touched mine and it was nice. Really nice. But since my first kiss with Pete

Robertson at a Friday bowling night with friends a few months after my disastrous date with

Sam, I’d never felt what all the romance books talked about. I’d kissed five guys since then

and not one of those kisses made my skin hot and my body vibrate and my stomach flutter. I

was beginning to think romance novels might be leading me astray…

“Don’t mean to interrupt but I’d like a dance with the birthday girl.”

I immediately broke away from Liam at the sound of Adam’s voice and turned fully to

find him standing in front of me, giving Liam a “you have five seconds to get your hands off

her before I break your face” look. It had been two and a half years since I started dating and Adam and Braden still rejoiced in scaring the crap out of my boyfriends. Thankfully, Liam

didn’t scare easy.

He squeezed my hips. “I’ll go get you another drink. I’ll be over with Allie and the guys.”

I nodded at him, watching him saunter away through the crowds.

A warm hand on my wrist drew my gaze back and Adam was grinning at me as he pulled

me into him. As soon as my body brushed his I felt that familiar tingling again, the feeling

descending between my legs as Adam’s arm caught me around the waist while his other hand

caught my hand and laid it against his chest. I rested my other hand on his shoulder and

swayed with him. Being this close kind of hampered my breathing and I tried very hard not to

let him see that. His fingertips brushed the bottom of my back and since I was wearing a

backless dress it was a skin to skin touch. My body reacted to it in a way I recognized and I

ducked my head, unable to look at him.

I’d been in Liam’s dorm room two weeks ago and we’d been making out and touching.

The touching got a little more involved than I was used to but I was curious so when he slid

his hand under my skirt and pushed his fingers under my underwear to touch me there I’d

almost come off the bed. I felt it between my legs and I felt it in my breasts. He’d settled a

thumb on my clit and played me as my body slowly started to fracture until it eventually

broke into this amazingly pleasurable explosion.

Adam didn’t even need to put a hand between my legs. All he needed to do was touch me

and those familiar tingles were vibrating throughout me.

“Enjoying your birthday?”

I turned to gaze at him now, my face close to his. I was five foot nine so usually only a

couple inches shorter than Adam, but tonight I was wearing four inch heels so I was actually

just little bit taller than him. That thought seemed to occur to him too because he gave me a

quick once over and grinned, shaking his head as I replied, “Yeah, it’s been good.”

“Have you opened any presents yet?”

“No. I was going to later but I think everyone is a bit too drunk to care. Including you.”

“Pfft, I’m not drunk. I’ve got a buzz going that’s all.” His eyes narrowed. “You’re not

drunk are you?”

I rolled my eyes. “Adam, I’m legally allowed to drink now.”

“Is that a yes or a no?”

“I’ve had a couple of shots, that’s it.”

We were quiet a moment and I actually allowed myself to relax against him. That was

until he flexed his fingers against my back and an involuntary shiver rippled over me. Adam

tensed, as if he’d felt my reaction, and I quickly looked at his face for confirmation. His dark eyes glittered in a way I’d never seen before.

I gulped.

He studied me a moment and I found myself pressed even tighter against him. My fingers

curled into his shoulder. His next words almost blew me off my feet. “You’re the most

beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Els,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

My eyes grew round with shock at his announcement, my heart beginning to thud against

my chest. Adam thought I was beautiful? No, not just beautiful… “the most beautiful thing

he’d ever seen”.

Wow.

Okay.

My chest began to rise and fall a little rapidly. “Adam…” I replied softly, unsure whether

he meant that in a strictly platonic sense or if he was finally opening his eyes up to see I

wasn’t a little girl anymore. For a start I had boobs now.

“I worry about you all the time,” he confessed. “You’re so sweet and kind, too kind

sometimes. I worry someone will hurt you and I won’t be there to stop it.”

It was true I had a tendency to look for the best in everyone, and I had a bit of a hero-complex (I wonder where I’d picked that up from), but I wasn’t incompetent. And I was a

woman now. I could take care of myself, and I told him so.

Adam frowned. “That’s not what I mean. You get a lot of male attention, Ellie, and

sometimes it’s difficult to weed out the wankers. For instance the kid you came with tonight.

He flirts a lot… with everything that has tits and a pair of long legs.”

Glowering at the insult to Liam, I tried to press back. “Liam is a nice guy.”

“Liam is after one thing. I should know—”

“Right, you’ve been hogging her enough.” Braden was suddenly standing beside us,

grinning. “I want a dance with the birthday girl.”

Adam tightened his hold on me and then as if it occurred to him what he was doing, he

threw Braden a grin and let me go. We shared one last look and then he was gone and I was

in Braden’s arms.

What the hell had just happened? Had Adam Sutherland… was he… was that more than

friendly advice? The way he touched me, the things he’d said, the way he’d looked at me. It

had felt different. My heart was racing, a bubble of giddy hope starting to float up inside of

me. Poor Liam was forgotten as I got lost in my longing and fantasies.

“I’m proud of you,” Braden told me gruffly, bringing me out of my head where I was

already picking wedding dresses and deciding who would be my maid of honor. I guessed it

would have to be Allie since I’d known her the longest.

I smiled at my big brother, feeling my chest expand at his declaration. “What for?”

“For many reasons. For getting into Edinburgh Uni. For taking care of Elodie and Clark,

and for being a good sister to Hannah and Dec. And for being a great wee sister to me. It’s

been a tough year, Els, and I’m grateful for all your help.”

I hugged him close for a second, my heart hurting all over again for him. After falling for

and marrying his Australian wife, Analise, Braden had filed for divorce when he walked in

on her and his old school friend having sex in one of Braden’s empty developments in New

Town. The bitch had put him through the ringer for the last nine months of his marriage and

then she’d cheated on him with his friend. It was the ultimate betrayal. Worse, our dad had

been the one who’d cottoned onto it and he’d set Braden up to find the traitorous couple. That

was dad’s way. Rather than pulling his son aside and letting him down easy, he’d let Braden

walk into that. Braden didn’t seem to mind. In fact he was grateful to our father. I, on the

other hand, thought he was an insensitive arsehole. Then again, I didn’t exactly have fluffy

feelings toward Douglas Carmichael at the moment (or ever).

As if he’d read my mind, Braden sighed. “Dad’s sorry he couldn’t be here, Ellie. I’m sorry

too.”

“Don’t apologize for him.” I turned my face away, screwing it up to stop the tears. You

would think after eighteen years of complete neglect I’d be over the hurt by now.

Unfortunately, the hurt never went away. I just couldn’t understand what Douglas found so

unloveable about me that he’d deliberately shun me time and time again. It was my

eighteenth birthday for God’s sake and he couldn’t get up off his rich arse for half an hour to pop into offer me birthday wishes.

Braden sighed again and I heard him curse under his breath. He had a fairly good

relationship with our dad now and I didn’t want to be the cause of any problems between

them so I gave him a squeeze and smiled at him. “I’m fine. I’m more than fine. I’m

surrounded by friends and family who care about me, Braden. And that’s all I care about.”

We shared a smile and another hug seconds before the music changed to up tempo again,

and mum and Clark descended on us. I had a dance with the two of them, giggling as they

pulled out moves that hadn’t been seen in at least two decades.

As the night continued on, I mingled with friends and family but my eyes kept wandering

through the crowds in an attempt to find Adam again. My stomach was a riot of butterflies,

and I couldn’t get his voice out of my head.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, Els,”

I smiled at something Allie said to Liam and watched it crack him up but I had no idea

what the conversation was about. My head was stuck in rewind.

When the room began to feel too hot, I ordered a bottle of water from the bar and slipped

out of the back of the room and found directions to the exit. It was the fire exit and it led out to the back of the hotel where all the rubbish bins were stored. I crept outside quietly, sucking in a huge gulp of air and enjoying the peace. It could give me a moment to wrap my head

around what had happened and if what I thought had happened had actually happened.

I felt a giddy smile start to stretch my lips when a grunt followed by a moan made me

freeze. The large wheeled bins were situated between me and an alcove of the building, and

the sounds were coming from there. My heart picked up a little bit as I guessed what the

sounds meant and what I’d stumbled upon. When another grunt sounded I covered my mouth

with my hand to keep in the giggle that was threatening to erupt.

“Yes,” a female voice groaned. “Adam, oh my God.”

The giggle instantly died as the blood rushed in my ears. I felt a burn in the bottom of my

throat as some devil, some masochistic thing inside of me, made me tiptoe silently around the

bins.

All the hope I’d been feeling exploded and disintegrated around me.

As I watched Adam screw one of the female catering staff against a brick wall, I realized

what an idiot I was. What a childish, naïve idiot.

And then the anger settled in. The frustration. The pain… that somehow I wasn’t good

enough. Not good enough for Adam. Not good enough for my father.

My eyes narrowed. There was one person who thought I was good enough, so what was I

holding out for? For flowers and sonnets and a man on bended knee? That wasn’t going to

happen. This was reality. Sex was sex. There was nothing magical about it.

Clearly.

I wasn’t naturally an angry person, but the burn of jealousy fueled it and I turned silently

back to the hotel. As soon as I was inside, the image of Adam moving against the catering

girl kept flashing before my eyes. I felt sick. Chugging back more water, I made a decision. I

needed to wipe that image out of my brain.

I found Clark talking to his brother in the function room and thankfully Mum wasn’t

anywhere around because what I was going to ask she’d probably not be happy about.

“Els, what do you want to do with all these presents?” He asked, pointing to a table that

had been set up at the back.

“Can I ask you and Mum a big favor?”

He smirked, guessing what that favor was. “You want us to take the presents back home

for you?”

“My friends and I want to go onto a club, if that’s okay?”

Clark studied me for a moment and then finally sighed, “Go on before your Mum sees

you. And be careful.”

I nodded and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Leaving him to it, I pushed my way

through the dance floor and found Liam and Allie dancing together. I pulled Liam off to the

side with an apologetic smile thrown Allie’s way.

“What’s up?” he asked, giving my hip a squeeze.

I looked into his eyes, feeling my stomach flip as I said meaningfully, “Let’s go.”

His body tensed and his eyebrows drew together. “Just me and you?”

“Yeah.”

“Where do you want to go?”

I pressed close to him, making my intentions very clear. “Where do you want to take me?”

Liam’s breathing stuttered. He seemed to swallow hard. “I could get us a room.”

“Okay then.”

We left quickly, slipping from the party before Mum or Braden could see me. My nerves

kicked in as we made our way through the hotel to the reception, and I fought hard not to

throw up as Liam booked us a room.

Every inch of me was trembling as the lift took us up to the first floor and as soon as we

were inside the room and Liam started kissing me he could feel me shaking against him.

“Are you sure about this?” he whispered against my mouth.

The image I was unsuccessfully trying to bleach from my brain flashed before me again. I

wanted tingles and excited butterflies, I wanted flushed skin and passion. I wanted trust and

safety, I wanted affection and laughter. I wanted loyalty and friendship. I wanted love.

Unfortunately, life had played a cruel joke on me and I’d fallen in love with the one

person in the whole world I couldn’t have.

Just because I couldn’t have him, however, didn’t mean I shouldn’t live. None of my

friends were virgins any more. What was it really but a nuisance? It used to be a gift. Or at

least I liked to romanticize that it was a gift. I supposed what it really used to be was a mark of ownership.

But this was the 21st century. No one owned me. And my virginity was

something I could give to whoever I pleased.

“Yeah,” I whispered back, reaching up to unknot the halter tie on my dress. “Yeah, I’m

sure.”

Liam thankfully took his time. He made me come before he put on a condom and pushed

inside of me so I was as ready as I could be. Still, it hurt. After a while the pain diminished and it felt okay.

Liam enjoyed himself. He tried to hold off until I came again but I didn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking over and over again as he moved inside me that I’d well and truly

buggered everything up for myself.

I’d promised myself since I was fourteen years old that the first time I made love I’d be in

love.

Instead I was lying in some hotel room while a boy I merely liked casually took the gift I offered, and I casually let him. I felt a heaviness settle on my stomach when Liam was

finished.

I stayed awake listening to him snore beside me and cursed myself to hell for letting anger

and jealousy get the better of me.

***

I lay there for a couple of hours but eventually decided I couldn’t stand to stay in the hotel

room. At the back of four in the morning I snuck out of there and had reception call me a taxi.

The woman on reception took one look at my mad hair and revealing dress and knew exactly

what I’d been up to. The smirk she gave me made me feel cheap, and I realized quickly that

the only reason I felt cheap was because I thought I’d acted cheap.

I tried not to cry as the taxi took me home, and I definitely tried not to cry as I quietly let myself inside. I was just creeping toward the stair when a head popped out of the kitchen and

gave me heart failure. I sucked in a breath, clutching a hand to my chest in fright.

Adam stood in the light from the kitchen doorway. He crooked a finger at me and as I

approached him I saw that image again of him and caterer girl, and the anger returned.

I followed him into the kitchen and he closed the door behind me. I studied his face and

saw his eyes were bloodshot. The smell of coffee filled the air and I noted cheese toasties

sitting on a plate. He was obviously hungover and trying to diminish the affects. I was so

busy noting these things that I didn’t notice his anger.

“Where the hell have you been?” he hissed at me.

I glowered at him, momentarily blaming him for the loss of my virginity. “Out.”

“Where?”

“Just out.”

He narrowed his eyes. “With who?”

“Liam.”

Adam’s face instantly darkened and he took a step toward me, his eyes moving over my

messy hair and then coming to rest on my mouth. They stuck there until I touched my lips,

wondering what was so fascinating about them. “What were you doing?” he finally asked, his

voice gruff.

And that was the point in the interrogation I lost my temper. My loss of temper

transformed into blasé petulance. “I’m eighteen, Adam. I can have sex with my boyfriend.”

His body jerked, like I’d shot him. “Sex?” he choked out.

I shrugged as if my heart wasn’t hammering against my ribcage. “It was a present to

myself.”

He swallowed, his eyes roaming over me again. “Are you telling me… you lost your

virginity last night?”

I nodded slowly, hearing an edge in his words I was a little bit afraid of.

Adam’s eyes flared after my confirmation and I stood there squirming as he drank me in

from head to foot. I flushed at his appraisal, not quite sure what was happening. And then he

made it clearer by turning on his heel and throwing the kitchen door open. Without a care to

those sleeping, Adam stormed out of the house, the front door slamming in his wake.

I let out a shaky breath, realizing what the edge was now.

Adam thought of himself like my big brother. No big brother wanted to hear that their

little sister had “gotten herself some”. More than that, I wondered if he was as disappointed in me as I was in myself. He knew me. He knew I believed in stars and sunsets and “happily

ever afters”. I’d compromised my own beliefs by having casual sex with a boy I barely knew.

The tears came then and I hurried to my room with blurry vision. I grabbed some fresh

underwear and pajamas and took them into the bathroom with me. For half an hour I

remained in the shower, crying the entire time.

At least, I told myself, I’d learned a huge lesson.

I’d learned there were some things in life you could never take back.

Chapter 4

Adam put down the diary and looked up at me, something like regret in his eyes. I didn’t

want him to feel regret, I just wanted him to know that even if my first time hadn’t been with

him, I’d always wanted it to be.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

I frowned and shook my head. “Don’t. That’s not what… I just wanted you to know that

it’s always been you.”

“But your first time should have been special, Els. It should have been romantic.”

I shrugged. “In the grand scheme of things it’s not the worst thing that happened. Dad—”

“Douglas died a few days after your birthday,” Adam murmured, finishing my sentence.

“Yeah,” I whispered back, remembering how mixed up I’d been over my dad’s death. I’d

grieved, but I couldn’t work out if I was mourning the idea of a dad or if I was mourning

Douglas Carmichael. To make matters worse he left me a boatload of money and it took me a

while to come to terms with how that made me feel. Not to mention, “I was mad at him and

he died with me mad at him.”

Adam slid across the floor and put his arm around me, hugging me close. “Ellie, I thought

you stopped feeling guilty about that. He was a shit dad. You had a right to be angry at him,

no matter what happened.”

I nodded and snuggled closer to him, inhaling the scent of him and his aftershave. He

smelled good. He always smelled good.

We sat in silence for a while until Adam said, “Just so you know, I barely remember what

I did with the catering girl. And I had no idea I said that to you at your party—calling you

beautiful and telling you I worried all the time about you. Fucking mixed signals. I was pretty drunk that night.”

“I know. But in the end you were right about Liam. He ended up cheating on me with

Allie.”

Adam tensed. “That’s why you stopped talking to Allie? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you would have beaten the shit out of Liam.”

“True.”

I snorted. “Always fighting my battles for me.”

“With you, baby. With you, not for you.”

Liking that a lot, I turned my head and kissed him, loving the now familiar press of his