Текст книги "Out of the Shallows"

Автор книги: Samantha Young

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

7

Northwestern September 2013

No matter how much I was willing myself to be unaffected, to be calm, I wasn’t. Bolstering my courage, I threw back my shoulders and prepared to reenter the common room where Jake had some redheaded sophomore hanging all over him.

Instead of facing Jake, however, I walked smack bang into a hard chest.

“There she is.” Beck wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him back. I felt his lips brush my ear. “Can you please talk to your best friend?”

I pulled back, frowning. “Hi, Beck, it’s good to see you too, after six months, since the last time didn’t really count.”

He blanched. “Sorry. It’s good to see you. It really is. I’m just a little distracted at the moment.” He glanced to his left, where Claudia stood laughing with Denver, Matt, and a couple of guys I didn’t recognize. “She won’t even look at me.”

“Whatever you do, don’t start flirting with another girl.”

It was his turn to frown. “Wasn’t planning on it. Any other suggestions?”

I felt Lowe’s hand at my back. “Don’t put Charley in the middle, Beck. The middle is a fucked-up place to be.”

“I’m not. I’m just running out of ideas.”

Honestly, it was frustrating watching two people who were supposed to be together mess it up so royally. I had a hard time keeping my nose out of it. But my nose tried.

Beck searched my face as I stared back at him, steadfast in my stoicism. His eyes narrowed. “Is she really dating someone?”

I shrugged.

“Charley. Please.”

“Yes.”

A pained look crossed his gorgeous face. “Is it serious?”

“She doesn’t talk about it.”

“What does that mean exactly?”

I shot a look Claudia’s way to make sure she wasn’t aware I was talking to Beck and about to betray the girl code. “It means when you see her on her own, stop her and make her listen.”

“Just stop her and make her listen? I don’t know if you remember but last time that happened, I got verbally bitch-slapped in public.”

“Yeah.” I smiled, remembering it. “But you also made your point and you got to her. She can’t not listen if you’re constantly there trying to talk to her.”

“Valid point,” Lowe added.

Beck smirked at us both, his eyes softening when they met mine. “Thanks, Charley.”

“Just don’t tell her we had this conversation.”

“Secret to the grave.”

Just like that he disappeared stealthily into the crowds like a love ninja.

Despite my own situation, I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m finding this side of Beck incredibly endearing.”

Lowe snorted, guiding me farther into the room. “You don’t have to live with him.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“I love Claudia, I do, she’s a great girl, but brooding Beck is a pain in my ass. We already had Jake to put up with. Now there are two.”

“Did I hear my name?”

My shoulders tensed at the sound of Jake’s voice. My whole body tensed when I turned to find him standing before me. There was no redhead now, but the specter of her remained.

Lowe’s fingers flexed on my lower back and I had to admit it was easier to deal with this crapshoot of a situation with him supporting me.

“Hey.” Jake said. “It’s good to see you.”

“Let’s find more beer.” I ignored him, turning my whole body into Lowe. “I definitely need more.”

He shot Jake an unreadable look out of the corner of his eye. “Sure,” he said and we moved through the crowd, away from my ex and his stunned, hurt expression.

Over the subsequent hour or so, I had a couple more beers, chatted with Matt and Denver, watched Beck stare broodingly at Claudia, witnessed Claudia bestow a beyond murderous look his way when he intercepted a cute guy trying to give her a drink, and then I started dancing with a strange guy. His name was Toby or Tony or Troy or something and he liked my hair.

Something he told me a number of times before I said yes to a dance.

All I really wanted was to forget everything. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was aware of Jake every single minute of the evening. Jake was popular and every time I turned around, he was hanging out with someone new. We didn’t make eye contact once.

It was like we were complete strangers.

I was barely even aware of the fact that a slow song had come on, or that I was dancing in Toby/Tony/Troy’s arms when I heard Lowe say in voice that brooked no argument, “I’m cutting in.”

Toby/Tony/Troy was forcefully removed from my vicinity and suddenly I was dancing with Lowe, except he’d pressed me back so I wasn’t smooshed up to him like I had been with my previous partner.

“Problem, officer?”

He laughed and shook his head at me. “Can you not be cute right now?”

The smirk died from my lips at his comment. Jake sometimes said that to me when I used humor as a deflection. If Lowe noticed the change in me, he didn’t say so.

“Why are you dancing with that guy, Charley? That’s not you.”

“Uh, do you not remember Halloween last year?”

He blinked. “Jesus, we’ve known each other a year. How did that happen?”

“I imagine it had something to do with the world turning for almost 365 days.”

Lowe’s lips twitched. “You really are a smart-ass.”

I saluted him. “Top of my class.”

“I’m being serious.” He gave me a little shake. “I don’t want you doing anything stupid because Jake hurt you tonight.”

“Hurt?” I said, suffusing just the right amount of boredom into my tone. “I’m not hurt anymore, Lowe. I feel better. Any doubts I had… poof!” I gestured an explosion with my hand. “I’ve been replaced.” I shrugged. Beer did help with convincing deception. “That means we weren’t meant to be. I was right in the first place. Makes moving on now very easy to do.”

I was too busy congratulating myself on sounding like I meant it to notice Lowe was now searching the room with an anxious expression on his face.

* * *

A couple of beers later I wandered through the main rec room and away from Denver, Matt, and a bunch of people I didn’t know. I searched the room as I left, not seeing Jake, Lowe, Beck, or Claudia. I frowned. Only a few minutes ago I’d seen Lowe practically making out with some brunette in the corner, and Claudia had been flirting with a random guy as Beck watched on, seething.

I wondered where they’d all disappeared.

“Hey…” I stopped a girl wearing a Northwestern hoodie. “Nearest bathroom?”

“Down the hall to your left. Third door down, I think.”

I thanked her and walked out into the corridor, thinking after I’d used the restroom it might be time to grab Claudia and get out of there. Bemoaning the disastrous decision we’d made to come here, I wasn’t really paying attention to the fact that the third door down didn’t have signage on it.

I thrust the door open and froze at the scene in front of me.

I was in a dorm room, a dorm room in which Beck had a girl pressed up against the wall, kissing her with a passionate intensity that actually made my cheeks heat. It took me a second to recognize the girl, and I must’ve made some kind of strangled noise because it broke the scene up.

Claudia pushed Beck away, her eyes bright, her tan complexion tinged with a flush.

Stunned by this development, I stammered out an apology for interrupting.

My best friend shook her head frantically. “You’re not interrupting anything.” She brushed past Beck who grabbed her wrist to stall her. Claudia tugged out of his hold, glowering at him. His eyes narrowed and he turned away, staring at the wall, the muscle in his jaw flexing.

Claudia gave me a look that screamed, “Don’t you dare ask,” and rushed out the door behind me.

Well, this was uncomfortable.

I watched Beck as he blew out air between his lips and hung his head.

Sympathy opened my mouth. “Beck.”

He looked at me over his shoulder, appearing so disheartened I actually forgot my own woes for a moment.

“Be patient,” I told him. “Keep doing what you’re doing. Claudia just needs to know that she can piss you off, try your patience and drive you a little crazy, and you’ll still be there at the end of the day.”

Something in his eyes flickered, something a little like hope. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

His face darkened. “But the TA?”

“She’s not in love with him.” I shrugged and took a step toward the door. “Why do you think she’s so scared of you?”

“You shouldn’t really be telling me this stuff, should you?”

“No. If Claudia finds out, I’m on her shit list, so I’m taking a risk.”

Beck laughed softly. “Well, I appreciate it.”

I smiled back at him and turned around to resume my search for the bathroom, still a little stunned. I shouldn’t have been surprised to walk in on Claudia and Beck making out, and I guess I wasn’t. The truth was it wasn’t the fact that they’d kissed that had me reeling—it was the kiss itself. It wasn’t just the kiss of two people who were attracted to one another; it was the kiss of two people who needed one another. There was desperation in it, a longing so intense, it had been palpable to even me.

It was the kind of kiss I’d once shared with Jake.

Feeling even lower than I had been before, I walked down the hall, wondering if the bathroom was perhaps right, rather than left.

I was approaching an open dorm room door when two familiar voices made me stop in my tracks.

“I’m trying to tell you that you’re fucking up,” I heard Lowe snap.

“I know what I’m doing,” Jake replied, sounding irritated.

Curious, and yes, hoping to overhear my name, I pressed back against the wall and held my breath.

“Jake, I’m confused. I thought you got me to throw this thing, invite her here, so you could talk to her, patch things up. Who the fuck is the redhead?”

My mouth dropped open. They’d orchestrated this party just to get me here? What? Since when did Jake and Lowe work together on anything… especially something involving me?

“The redhead doesn’t matter. The whole point of tonight was to get Charley and me in the same room and show her what life is going to be like for us if we’re not together. Practically strangers at a party. I know Charley. She’s hating this as much as I am. We’re possessive of each other. We need to be in each other’s lives, know what’s going on with each other. Sooner, rather than later, she’s going to realize what a mistake this is. But not if she’s three hours away. It was only when we started hanging out again in Edinburgh that not being together was too hard.”

He was… manipulating me?

I just stopped myself from gasping out loud.

Jake wasn’t over me. This wasn’t… what the hell was this?

“I hate to tell you this but your plan is backfiring. She thinks you’ve moved on so she’s moving on. She thinks this proves that she was right to break up with you.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

I’d done a lot of cowardly things these last few months, but walking away from this wasn’t going to be one of them. Nobody, nobody manipulated me, and got away with it!

With anger burning in my blood, I stormed into the dorm room Jake and Lowe had chosen to have their little tête-a-tête. They both blanched when they turned to see who was interrupting them.

My eyes must have registered my feelings of betrayal when they met Lowe’s because he flinched. “Charley, it’s not—”

“Since when do you align yourself with him?” I snapped, gesturing to Jake. “You got together to manipulate me? Are you high?”

He shrugged helplessly. “I was trying to help two friends out. I wasn’t trying to hurt you.” Lowe shook his head, looking between Jake and me. “It was a mistake to get involved and I’m now uninvolving myself.” He was still shaking his head as he walked past, not meeting my fiery gaze.

As soon as he was gone, Jake took a step toward me, holding up his hands in placation. “Don’t be pissed. I was just trying to fix us.”

“No.” I stepped back. “You were playing games, and I thought we were done with that.”

“Charley,” he stared at me, looking incredulous, “did you honestly just expect me to give up, walk away, after everything? I didn’t know what else to do. You wouldn’t have come here if I said I just wanted to hang out, talk, try to actually work out our problems instead of running from them. You’re the one acting like a child here. I just picked up where you left off.”

I couldn’t actually dispute any of that, which made me even more pissed, hurt, defensive, scared and… confused.

I started to shiver. “I… I can’t do this.” I turned away.

I hadn’t taken two steps when I felt his hand wrap around my wrist. Jake tugged me, forcefully, pulling me around so I stumbled into his chest. His lips crashed down on mine, his kiss hungry, desperate, angry…

For a moment I forgot everything else but the hard pressure of his mouth on mine, the smell of his cologne, the feel of his body. I was surrounded.

Drowning.

And I let it happen.

His lips moved from my mouth to my chin, along my jaw, as his hand slid up my waist, his thumb just grazing my breast. I sighed, my body arching into his. I was hot. Hot and wanting. Nothing else mattered but the way I felt when he touched me.

His voice was ragged in my ear. “I’ve missed you so much. I love you so fucking much.” He squeezed my waist and pulled me closer, his mouth reaching for mine again but those three little words had broken through the spell of lust created by Jake’s proximity and the four beers I’d had.

“Stop,” I whispered, pushing gently on his chest.

Instead of stopping, Jake kissed me again.

I pushed harder, breaking contact. “Jake, stop!”

He stumbled back, frustration and something else in his face. Panic? “Charley—”

“No.” I moved away from him, holding a hand out to ward him off. “This was a mistake. We’re…” I trailed off, not really knowing what to say as I tried to catch my breath.

We stared at each other in tense silence.

That’s when I came to the hardest decision of my life.

I felt like someone had stuck burning needles into every muscle in my body, and all I could feel was torturous pain, and I didn’t know why it was necessary. What point it had? Why it had to be that way? I started to imagine that perhaps those needles were my family, and horribly in that moment I resented the hell out of them. “We’re done for good. We can’t be friends and we can’t be this. Lose my number, Jake.”

He looked grief-stricken. “You can’t be serious?”

The tears slipped down my cheeks now and I brushed them hastily away. “Deadly. I won’t answer if you call.”

“Why?” he shook his head, his own resentment building his gorgeous eyes. “Just tell me why. A real answer this time.”

“I told you why. You didn’t listen.”

And just like that, I turned and walked out.

It was hard to make sense of something to someone else when you had a hard time figuring out if it really made sense to yourself. But I wasn’t crazy.

The truth was I’d made a promise. This was me keeping it.

8

Edinburgh March 2013

I left Dad at his hotel talking to Mom on the phone, reassuring her that he was all right, I was all right, and that we were… talking things out. Although I still didn’t feel one hundred percent certain that we’d reached an understanding, I hoped we would by the time he left.

For now, I headed to my boyfriend’s apartment.

Something had shifted inside me when Jake sprung to my defense. It didn’t seem like much, but in reality, knowing he had my back was a huge step toward me trusting him. The old Jake was too determined to keep on my dad’s good side to ever interfere in any small parental disputes I might have had. He’d once sat quietly in the corner of the living room while my mom and dad refused to listen to me about being a cop.

He’d changed.

Anxious to see him, I hurried up to his apartment.

“Jake’s not here,” Beck said as I followed him into the kitchen.

Sitting at the kitchen table were Claudia and Lowe. I smiled at my girl. “Have you seen him?”

Claud shook her head. “Nope. But—”

“She’s been too busy planning our summer tour,” Beck interrupted, offering me a can of soda.

“No, thanks.” I raised an eyebrow at Claudia. “Summer tour?”

Lowe grinned. “It’s what we were talking about at Teviot. Claudia is amazing. She’s already helped us book eight gigs for the summer, and she thinks we can turn it into a state tour. It could get us noticed.”

“Isn’t that expensive?”

Lowe shrugged. “We’re pooling our resources. And these are paying gigs.” He nudged Claudia. “Now I just have to convince Claud to be our manager and come on tour with us.”

“If she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to,” Beck said, trying—and failing—to sound casual.

I studied them carefully, wondering what I was missing. “Well… that sounds great. And you should think about it, Claudia. It might be a lot of fun to tour with them.”

Claudia shrugged. “I don’t know. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Jake is—”

“A sappy, overachieving, broody little son of a bitch and you could do much better.” Beck grinned up at me.

I made a face at him and had just turned back to Claudia when I got a text.

You should know I’m in the kitchen of this blond chick I’m kind of in love with. If you see her, tell her I miss her and to get her ass back here.

“Jake is waiting for you—”

“In our apartment,” I finished for Claud, waving my phone at her.

I wondered why Jake had gone back to my place when he knew I was hanging out with my dad. It occurred to me that perhaps he was concerned my dad might’ve said something to change my mind about our relationship. I longed for the days when we could stop reassuring each other about our mutual commitment.

When I got to the apartment, Jake was in the kitchen with Maggie. I tried to be polite to her, but I was in a hurry to talk to my boyfriend so I offered a quick hello and goodbye as I dragged Jake into my room.

“Eager, are we?”

“I just wanted you to know that we’re okay. Despite my dad and everything.”

Instantly, Jake’s eyebrows puckered. “Speaking of your father… I really want to hear how things went with your dad tonight, but I have to know something that’s been bugging me since he mentioned it… Alex?”

I’d actually forgotten my dad had mentioned Alex’s name. Shit.

Now for the truth. I had no idea how Jake would react to it.

Alex Roster was one of my best friends. But for a while… he was more than that.

I took a deep breath. “The guy, the one I dated for ten months freshman year of college… it was Alex.”

Jake tensed and then he gently pushed me away. “Alex was the guy?”

Sensing this was going somewhere bad, I hurried to explain. “After you left, everything was different. We’d both changed and we grew close. We’re really good friends. At college we decided to give it another go. It worked for a while but I couldn’t give him what he wanted and he couldn’t give me what I needed.” I shrugged. “We broke up, but we’ve stayed friends. He’s been seeing his girlfriend Sharon for ages. They’re happy together and—”

“Ten months?” Jake interrupted. He’d paled. “You fucked him?” he whispered hoarsely.

“Jake…” I felt betrayed by the question. “That’s not even fair. You probably fucked an entire sorority house while we were broken up.”

“They weren’t goddamn Alex Roster!” he yelled, brushing past me.

I watched on as he wore out my carpet, pacing back and forth.

“All that time we were dating, you said you had no feelings for him and you were lying to me?”

I’d expected him to not like the news, but I hadn’t expected him to be so angry and hurt. “No, I wasn’t lying. I didn’t have feelings for him then,” I promised. “Like I said, Brett’s death changed us. You breaking my heart changed me. You left, Jake. Alex stayed.”

Jake jerked to a stop, like I’d hit him. “Is that how it’s going to be forever? You winning an argument for the rest of our lives by throwing that in my face?”

“I threw it in your face for this particular argument because it has relevance. You wanted to know how I ended up dating Alex.”

“For ten months?” He shook his head in disbelief and slumped down on the bed. “God, the thought of you with him…” Jake closed his eyes. “The thought of you with anyone else…” His dark, tumultuous gaze met mine. “You were in love with him?”

“No.” I sat next to him. “That’s the reason we broke up. He told me he loved me but I didn’t love him. We weren’t right for each other, Jake. He didn’t want me to be a cop, and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m a little crazy. He drove himself nuts worrying about me. And he… he was too concerned with how everything looked to everyone else. And…” I curled my hand around Jake’s neck, drawing our faces closer. “It was never passionate between us. It was just nice. And you have no idea how heartbreaking ‘just nice’ is when you know what ‘beautiful’ tastes like.”

“Yes, I do,” Jake whispered against my lips before closing his eyes again. He leaned his forehead against mine as he reached for my free hand. “This is how you felt watching me with Melissa?”

“Yes,” I whispered back.

Jake’s expression crumbled and suddenly he was cupping my face in his hands, his anguished eyes blazing into mine. “I am so sorry. I am so sorry I hurt you over and over again.”

“Jake…” I folded into him, wrapped my arms tightly around him as his enclosed around me.

“Every day,” he said softly, “I’m going to spend every day making it up to you.”

I sat in his arms for a while as he rocked us gently.

Finally Jake broke the silence. “Your dad? How did it go tonight?”

“You’re having dinner with us tomorrow,” I said, making the decision on the spot. No way would Dad change his mind about Jake if he didn’t spend time with him. I pulled back to look at Jake.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Tonight,” I abruptly tugged up the hem of his T-shirt. Without questioning, Jake raised his arms and let me pull it off. “When you defended me,” I threw his shirt on my chair and slowly drew my own sweater up over my head, “it felt amazing. I don’t need anyone to fight for me, Jake.” I pressed a soft kiss to his waiting mouth, coasting my fingertips across his chest, my thumbs brushing his nipples, my touch making him shudder. “But I have to admit that I like that you want to.”

“Always,” he said, arching his neck for me as my lips trailed kisses along his jaw and down his throat.

I caressed his abs with my hands, soft, gentle touches that accelerated his breathing. I flicked my tongue over his nipple and his hands clamped around my arms in reaction. “Let me.” I looked up at him.

His eyes burned with lust. “Torture me?”

I shook my head. “That implies you won’t to get play too. I’m just asking you to let me play first.”

Jake nodded, his excitement evident. “Whatever you want, baby. I’ve missed you.”

Kissing my way down his stomach, I felt my own skin start to heat and the pulse between my legs throb at the increase in Jake’s breathing. When I reached the low-slung waistband of his jeans, I traced the skin just above with my tongue, excited by the low, deep growl emanating from Jake’s throat.

His erection strained against his zipper.

“Let me help you with that.” I smiled up at him mischievously. “It looks painful.”

The look on his face almost broke me. His features were taut, his eyes fogged with desire, and everything in me wanted to answer it—just rip off his jeans and mine and jump him.

Patience was something I needed to practice.

Jake watched me, his intensity making me shiver with anticipation as I unzipped his jeans and pulled at the waistband of his boxers underneath. He tilted his hips off the bed, giving me easier access. I tugged his jeans and underwear down, pulling off his boots so I could remove his clothes completely.

He sat there, comfortable with his nakedness. And so he should be. I licked my lips, my eyes roaming his sculpted body and throbbing erection.

“I’m a lucky, lucky girl.” I grinned up at him, making him smile wryly back at me.

“I’m glad you think so.”

I shook my head as I stood up. “I know so.” I unclipped my bra, letting it drop to the floor. Jake’s eager eyes fastened on my naked breasts as my nipples tightened into hard buds.

Taking my time, I kicked off my boots, unzipped my jeans, and shimmied out of them. Wearing only my panties, I stepped closer so our legs touched.

Jake slid his hands up my outer thighs until they rested on my hips, his eyes devouring every inch of me. “I think you’ve got it the wrong way around.”

“What?”

“I’m the lucky one.”

I nodded solemnly. “Yeah, you are.”

He shook his head, seeming to marvel at me, a look that turned my insides to mush. “Do you have any idea how sexy you are?”

I smiled cockily and pointedly at his hard-on. “I have an inkling.”

Jake laughed, biting his lower lip as he hooked a finger into my panties. “Are these leaving us any time soon?”

Nudging his legs apart so I could step between them, I lowered myself to the floor. “Eventually. I have something more urgent on my mind, though.”

“Charley,” he said, breath short, his dark eyes flashing with excitement. “You don’t have to.”

“When have I ever not wanted to?” I reminded him.

His groan filled my ears as I took him into my mouth, sucking lightly at first at his warm, salty taste. I licked the pre-cum from his tip, teasing him mercilessly with my mouth until he begged me to stop.

I gave him what he wanted, sucking him hard as I pumped the base with my fist.

When I knew he was close, I stopped.

His chest rose and fell in pants as he stared at me in disbelief. “Why?”

I stood, only to crawl onto the bed next to him. I kissed him softly. “Now do me, but don’t let me come. Let’s save that.”

Understanding, Jake asked, “Delayed gratification, huh?”

“Exactly.”

“It fucking hurts,” he smiled ruefully back at me.

“But it’ll be worth it.” I lay back on the bed and watched him as he pulled my panties down very slowly, torturously so. I was already turned on from going down on him and didn’t think it would take much to climax. Jake had a challenge on his hands to stop before it happened.

At the touch of his tongue on my ankle, I realized clearly he was up for pushing me to breaking point. He pressed soft kisses up my legs, alternating between the two, positioning them how he wanted, bending my knee so he could lick the crease behind it. I squirmed, my whole body tingling with anticipation. My nerves sparked, begging for fire.

He pushed my legs apart, crawling between them. My hips jerked at the feel of his mouth on the inside of my thigh. He scattered soft kisses along my skin, driving me crazy.

When he proceeded to lick the crease between my thigh and my sex, I whimpered his name pleadingly. Taking pity, Jake tickled me with the stroke of his finger seconds before his mouth came down on me.

I sighed in pleasure, lost completely to the search for satisfaction as Jake’s tongue circled my clit. I writhed against his mouth while he played me perfectly, his tongue moving down, sliding inside me.

I was barely aware of my cries to God, to Jake, my begging for more.

He returned to my clit, sucking it between his teeth, and I felt it coming. My body tensed, preparing for it.

And then Jake’s mouth was gone.

It took me a minute to blink through the haze of lust to realize what had happened.

Delayed gratification. I pouted at him as he kneeled between my legs. “You’re right. It hurts.”

“You’re telling me,” he said quietly and my eyes dropped to his dick. It strained toward his stomach, purple-red with need.

I shivered and spread my legs a little wider. “I’m all yours if you want me.”

Jake dragged his eyes over my body in a way that made my breasts swell. “Oh, I want you,” he answered, his voice thick. “I want you to turn over.”

“Over?”

“I want to see all of you. Now turn over.”

Immediately turned on by his commanding attitude, I let my sliding hair hide my smile as I rolled over onto my stomach for him. I rested my chin on my arms. “Now wha—oh…” I melted at the soft touch of his warm lips on my lower back.

“I love these dimples,” he muttered, his breath whispering over my skin. “When you wear jeans and a small tee, it shows off these sexy dimples just above your ass. Turns me on every time I see them.”

I grinned. “That’s good to know.”

And then all thought flew swiftly from my mind as Jake pressed kisses over my butt cheeks, his tongue licking lightly at my skin as he did so.

I began to writhe again as he licked the crease between the bottom curve of my right cheek and the back of my thigh. “Jake,” I groaned, deliciously surprised by the sensual assault.

Two fingers slid inside me and I clenched my hands into fists, arching my neck, raising my ass as he pumped those fingers slowly in and out. My body tensed.

“I’m going to come,” I whimpered, warning him.

“Not without me, you’re not.”

Suddenly, he had me on my back again, his expression fierce. He pulled me under him, his chest brushing mine while he gripped my thigh in his hand, parting my legs.

He thrust inside me and we both moaned at the feel of my tight inner muscles pulsing around him. Jake held still for a moment and that something magical that was always there passed between us. Eyes connected the whole time, Jake’s grip on my thigh tightened and he pulled back out only to surge back inside me so deeply, I cried out. I arched against his thrusts, meeting each one with a building urgency.

My muscles tightened, my body stiffened.

I came on a cry of his name, tears in my eyes as I stared into his, my hips shuddering against his with release as he continued to pump into me.

Jake’s jaw clenched and he tensed a second before he came, jerking against me, his warm, long, wet release flooding me.

“Fuck,” he panted, relaxing into me.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him, holding him close.

“Definitely worth it,” he mumbled against my shoulder. “Delayed gratification.”

I chuckled. “Oh, yeah.”

He kissed my collarbone and pushed up, easing his weight off me. I caught the note of seriousness in his expression and waited with bated breath. “Something happened here. I’m not pressuring you into going too fast, but I need you to acknowledge when our relationship is moving forward. I know I don’t deserve it, but it’ll stop me going crazy.” He smirked unhappily. “I’ve been going crazy wondering when you’re going to decide this is a bad idea, and I know I’ll have to live with that. But… I felt something with you tonight…”

“Hey,” I curled my hand around his neck, “I felt it.”

Jake studied me a moment and then whispered, “I love you.”

I gave him a weak smile, pulling him down for a kiss so I didn’t have to see the disappointment in his eyes.

Desperate to move past those three little words and the sudden disconnect between us, I broke the halfhearted kiss to change the subject. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner about Alex.”