Текст книги "Porn Star "

Автор книги: Sam Crescent

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 7 страниц)

Chapter Eight

“What’s got you in a bad mood?” Richard asked.

“You mean besides the fact I’ve got directors calling me, begging me to be in their movies and I’m cancelling everyone I know because I can’t get my dick up for any woman other than Sydney? Oh, and if that’s not enough, her sister is back home tonight, and we’re due to have dinner with her, and everything could be over?” Jason asked.

They were inside his apartment, and he glanced over at the clock to see he only had a couple of hours until everything was over.

“You’ve still not told her the truth?”

“I didn’t know how to bring it up.” That was another lie. There had been many chances to bring everything up and be straight with her. He’d been a coward and chosen not to.

“There’s no getting away from it now. You do realize all of this is easily solved?” Richard asked.

“Go on, enlighten me,” Jason said, folding his arms.

“Tell the directors and the people who are trying to get you to work, that you’re taking a vacation or you’re moving onto something different. Tell Sydney the truth.” Richard held his arms open as if it was so damn simple.

It was so damn simple. Jason knew that.

Sitting down on his sofa, he pulled his laptop toward him and logged in. He went into his website and saw several comments had been left for him. All of them were asking where he was.

Where are you, Bone Harder?

Where’s another scene?

Have you quit the industry?

“You’ve got to make a decision soon. They’re all your fans. You know I’m by your side, Jason. No one else.” Richard took a seat next to him.

“I can’t lose her.”

“Then it’s time to come clean.”

Nodding, Jason closed his laptop down. “I’m going to get ready and finally tell her the truth. We’re leaving early. If we’re lucky I’ll be able to get there before Dawn.”

He didn’t take his time getting ready.

Dressing quickly in a pair of jeans and shirt, he headed out with Richard. He didn’t want to do this alone, and Richard was his rock.

“Are you okay’?” Richard asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. I just want to get there.”

“Do you want to talk to me first about what you’re going to say?” he asked.

“No. I’m just going to do it, and I’m not going to let anything stop me.”

Jason was determined to tell her the truth.

He parked on the drive outside her house, and without waiting for Richard, he went to her door. Knocking, he bounced back on his feet, waiting.

Sydney opened the door, throwing herself into his arms, and tugging him inside.

“Dawn’s here, and she can’t wait to meet you. She got in early. I wanted to call you, but I didn’t get a chance.”

This had to be the stupidest plan he’d ever thought of. All of the chances he’d had to tell her the truth were gone. Richard quickly joined him, and he was pulled into the sitting room. Dawn had her back to him, and only when Sydney called her, did she turn around.

Any hope that Dawn wouldn’t recognize him was dashed the moment she looked at him. She knew who he was, and she was clearly confused by what was going on.

“Dawn, this is Jason. Jason, this is my crazy sister, Dawn.”

“Is this a joke?” Dawn asked.

Richard cleared his throat, and Sydney made the introductions. Before anything else could be said, something in the kitchen dinged. “I’ll be right back,” Sydney said.

Staring at Dawn, he saw her judging him.

“She doesn’t have a clue you’re Bone Harder, does she?” Dawn asked.

“This isn’t the time,” Richard said, clearly trying to help.

Dawn looked between them. “You’ve both deceived her. Does she even know half of it?”

“I’m going to tell her the truth.”

“Really?” She folded her arms underneath her breasts.

“Yes. I’m not going to lie to her another minute. All I ask is that you give me tonight, and this dinner. She’s been so excited for you.”

“If you have hurt my sister or given her some kind of sex disease, I’m going to make sure I cripple you,” Dawn said, making sure he realized he was being threatened.

Sydney walked in and obviously detected the tension. “Is everything okay?” she asked.

“Everything is great,” Jason said, going to his woman. He cupped her cheek, pressing a kiss to her lips.

“There’s nothing I like more than a little tension at a dinner party,” Richard said, laughing.

Jason wrapped his arms around Sydney, glancing over at Dawn, who was shooting a glare in his direction. He didn’t remove his hand from his woman.

“Dinner is served. It’s your favorite, Dawn. Beef stroganoff.”

“Good. I’ve not had the best food the past couple of weeks.”

“Will you be going away again anytime soon?” Sydney asked.

“No. Enough has happened in my absence. I won’t be leaving your side for a good long while.” Dawn moved up to Sydney, pushing his hand away from her.

Gritting his teeth, he let her have this fight, but he wasn’t going to take all of her shit all night. Yes, he’d lied, but it was up to him to make it right.

Sitting at the table, Dawn wouldn’t stop her heated glares. Richard stopped trying to make small talk. Anything Sydney tried to say had Dawn shooting her down.

When Sydney tried to get Dawn talking with Richard, everything blew up.

“Oh, fuck this. I’m not sitting around here pretending shit anymore,” Dawn said, standing up. “That piece of shit has been lying to you.” She pointed a finger at Jason.

“Dawn? What the hell are you doing?”

Sydney stood this time, trying to calm her sister.

“I’m telling you the truth, which is exactly what this fucker should have done weeks ago.”

“Jason?” Sydney asked.

“He’s a porn star, Syd. He’s not some kind of PA. He’s a full blown, popular porn star.”

Silence rang through the room as Dawn’s words sank in. Jason stared at Dawn, wanting to silence her by putting tape over her mouth. Why couldn’t she have given him tonight?

“What the hell are you talking about? Have you completely lost your mind?” Sydney asked.

“He’s Bone Harder, Sydney. He’s not a fucking PA.” Dawn pointed at Jason, then at Richard. “Bone is more popular than Richard. The only way a PA would ever happen between them is if they’re both fucking it for the big screen.”

Sydney went pale, and Jason worried about her. She turned toward him. “Is this true?”

“I can explain.”

“Explaining is not necessary. Is it true?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“You’re a porn star?”

“Yes.”

“Bone Harder?”

“Yes.”

“I laughed at your name, and you laughed along with me.”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t know if he’s been working while he’s been seeing you,” Dawn said.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Please, you’ve got new videos posted every single week.”

“I’ve not cheated on Sydney. I’ve not touched another woman since I’ve met her,” Jason said. He couldn’t fucking bring himself to do it. It was why his professional life was in the toilet.

“Ha, you’re a fucking porn star. Your entire life is about cheating on the woman you’re with,” Dawn said.

“Is it true?” Sydney asked.

“Of course it’s true, Syd. You can see the truth staring at you in the fucking face.”

“That’s enough,” Sydney said, glaring at her sister.

“Syd?”

“No, Dawn. I’m not going to do this in front of you. I think it’s better if you leave.”

Silence fell onto the group, and Jason couldn’t look away from his woman. She looked so incredibly hurt. His heart was breaking for her.

“Okay, I’ll go, honey.”

Sydney closed her eyes. Richard left along with Dawn, neither speaking as they made their way out of Sydney’s home.

“What is going on?” Sydney asked, looking at him. Tears had welled up in her eyes, and it was like a kick to the gut, staring at her.

This is what he’d been trying to avoid for the longest time. Gripping the back of his chair tightly, he stared across the table. Neither of them was sitting. They were both standing.

“It’s true what Dawn said. I’m a porn star, and I’ve been a star for the last ten years.”

She gasped, touching her stomach.

“It’s true?”

“Yes.”

“Bone Harder is you?”

“Yes.”

Each admission of his lies was twisting him up inside. She turned away from his gaze, pressing her fingers against her mouth as if she was trying to keep in her cries.

“You lied to me?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not Richard’s PA.”

“I’ve never been a PA in the whole of my life. I don’t know the first thing about being a PA.” He took a deep breath, hating what he was saying.

“Why did you lie?” she asked.

“I didn’t want to admit the truth of what I am.”

“You’re ashamed?”

“No.”

“Why wouldn’t you admit the truth of who you are unless you’re afraid?” She wiped away the tears that were falling of their own accord. Each tear that fell was cutting him so deeply.

“A lot of women expect something out of me. You weren’t like that. When you asked what I was, I panicked, and I didn’t want to ruin something that hadn’t begun.”

“I had sex with you without a condom. Am I safe?” she asked.

He winced. “Yes, you’re safe.”

“Are you sure? How many women have you fucked without a condom? I don’t expect to be singled out,” she said.

“Baby.” He moved around the table about to take her into his arms.

“No. I don’t want you to touch me. I can’t trust you. I can’t be with you.” She shook her head. “It’s lies.”

“I love you.”

“No, everything you’ve ever told me has been built on lies, Jason. How can you expect me to even believe you?” she asked.

He didn’t know how to tell her that everything else about him had been the truth. Dropping his hand, he looked around at the food. “I fell in love with you, Sydney. You’re the first woman who has ever made me feel anything.”

“Get out.” The two words were spoken softly. Her head was bent over, and she refused to look at him.

“Can’t we talk about this?” he asked.

“I want you to get out of my apartment. I don’t want you near me. Get out.”

“Sydney.”

“Get out!” She screamed the two words at him, finally looking at him. Her eyes were bright red from tears.

She needs time.

“I’ll leave.” He held his hands up in surrender.

Stepping back, he made his way out of her house, closing the door behind him. Dawn was sitting on the step by the door. Glancing over at his car, he saw Richard was leaning against it.

“Don’t ever come back,” Dawn said.

He glared back at her. “You can think all you want to about me. I did what I had to every single fucking day to get by. I never cheated on her. I’ve never fucking looked at another woman since I’ve met her.” He stopped seeing it was useless to even try to reason with Dawn. “Take care of her.”

Jason didn’t stay to listen to Dawn cursing him.

Walking to his car, he climbed into the passenger side. Richard was in the passenger seat by the time he was moving away from the curb.

He wasn’t in the mood to talk right now, and Richard gave him the space he needed.

Driving to his apartment, he wasn’t surprised when Richard followed him up.

Once inside, Jason left closing the door to Richard, while he went straight for the freezer where he kept his vodka. He needed a stiff drink.

Grabbing a shot glass, he poured out a measure, then tipped the glass to his lips.

Richard stood in front of him.

Pouring a second, then a third glass, he drank it all down, not caring that he was going to have the world’s worst hangover tomorrow.

“Today didn’t go well,” Richard said.

“No shit.” He stared at his friend, drinking down his fourth drink. The burn had stopped, and he rested his palm over the glass where it rested on the counter. “It’s fucking over. I fucked up, and this is what you get for lying.”

“Shit, man, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“I encouraged you to lie,” Richard said.

“No. You gave me the idea of lying. You didn’t exactly order or force me to lie to Sydney. I had so many moments when I could have told her the truth. I didn’t, and now I’m paying the price for that.” He poured more vodka out, laughing. “The first woman I fall in love with, and I’m the one to fuck it up. I can’t believe it.”

He shook his head. There was no point in trying to find a positive. He was in love with Sydney, and now he had nothing, not even his work.

****

The clattering of plates echoed around the room as Sydney stacked the dishes up. Every now and then she wiped at her tears, angry with herself. Her heart was crushing inside her chest, making it hard for her to breathe.

Jason had lied to her. He’d lied to her about everything.

She heard his car pull away from her drive, and she didn’t care.

Liar. You’re breaking apart inside.

“Good riddance,” Dawn said, coming into the house.

The sound of her door closing was like the last nail in the coffin. She dropped the plates she’d been holding, and they smashed around her feet. Not caring, Sydney held her stomach as she bent forward, throwing up what she’d eaten before her life went to shit all around her.

“Shit, honey,” Dawn said, rubbing her back, and pulling her hair out of the way.

When she was finished, Sydney left her sister’s side, grabbing everything to clean the mess up.

“Sydney, talk to me.”

Ignoring her, she got to her knees, and started to clean everything up. Throwing the broken plates into the trash, she soaped the carpet. Tears blurred her eyes as everything seemed to crash down around her.

“Sydney?”

“Don’t,” she said.

“He lied to you.”

Sitting back on her legs, she stared at her sister. “Yes, Jason had lied to me.” She forced a laugh, wiping at her tears with angry movements. “He’d lied to me, and the last four weeks had been the best of my fucking life. How ridiculous is that, huh? I can’t even have a great couple of weeks without someone lying to me.”

Scrubbing the floor, Sydney couldn’t stop crying. Her tears were making her so damn angry. She should have seen this coming.

“Was it serious?” Dawn asked, stopping her from scrubbing by placing her hand over hers.

Pausing, she took a breath in order to compose herself. “He told me he loved me, and I loved him. God, Dawn, I love him.” She patted her chest where it hurt the most. “It was all lies.”

“I didn’t know.”

“No, but you didn’t give him a chance either, did you? You didn’t give him the option of telling me the truth. You just had to put the fire out.” She threw the cloth into the bucket, then made her way back into her kitchen. Sydney cleaned the bowl out, then filled it with more water. She didn’t feel better. She felt like crap, worse than crap, if that was even possible.

“I’m sorry,” Dawn said.

“Are you? I mean are you really sorry, or are you just saying it because you think that’s what I want to hear?”

“Sydney, I was worried about you. He’d lied and cheated.”

“No, he hadn’t cheated on me.” Sydney believed him on that. He’d been too insatiable.

“Whatever, he’s a porn star. There’s no way you can have a relationship with him.”

“Why not? He’s been talking about getting out of the business.” Sydney stopped as she started to think of the conversations they’d had together over the past couple of weeks. Had everything Jason talked about really been about him?

“You can’t be serious.”

“What do I have to lose? I’m not part of a reputable bank, or agency. I pack fucking hampers and bake fucking cakes, Dawn. I don’t matter to anyone or anything.”

“You matter to me.”

“And I thought I mattered to him, but I guess that doesn’t matter.” Pressing a palm to her temple, Sydney’s head was starting to really hurt. She needed her sister to leave. “Go away,” she said. They’d grown up together. Dawn should know by now not to fight with her.

“I don’t think I should go.”

“And I don’t think you should be here. It’s bad enough that you were here when everything escalated. I don’t want you here right now. I want to break down without your company.”

“He’s not worth it.”

“I was in love with him!” She screamed each word to be heard over whatever crap was going on inside Dawn’s head. “I was in love with him. I still am in love with him. For the sake of our friendship, get out.”

She faced her sister, letting Dawn see that she wasn’t in the mood to fight with her. Dawn placed the cloth she had in her hand down on the counter.

“Okay, I’ll, erm, I’ll see myself out.”

“You do that.”

Dawn made her way to the door as Sydney went back out to clean up the mess.

“I love you, Sydney.”

Closing her eyes, she didn’t say the words back. In that moment, she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

Once the door closed, she finished cleaning away all the mess before washing the whole of the kitchen, scrubbing from top to bottom.

By the time she took a shower and settled on her bed, she was exhausted. Her exhaustion didn’t stop her tears though. She touched the bed where he’d slept a couple of nights ago.

Placing her palm on her pillow, she saw his beautiful smile in her mind, and how happy she’d been. Four weeks together, and she’d fallen in love with him. Jason had changed her in ways she hadn’t thought was possible.

Tucking her hand under her cheek, she stared at the side of her empty bed, wondering what the hell she was supposed to do. Jason had lied, and yet she knew part of what he said had to be the truth. He wasn’t a bad person.

“Why did you do it?” she asked, not expecting an answer. It was an empty bed. She only wished that her heart wouldn’t be as empty. He’d crashed into her life, and she didn’t know what to do with what he’d left behind.

Chapter Nine

 

One week later

Jason stared at his reflection on set for his first scene in over a month. He was so pissed off and angry with his life. This was the first time he’d been out of his house since Sydney kicked him out of hers. Richard had been to see him every single day since, and from the moment he woke up, to the moment he’d crashed, he’d been drunk as a fucking skunk. He’d bought the local liquor store out of booze, and he’d drunk the fucking lot.

Yesterday, he’d been about to leave his studio apartment in a pair of pajama bottoms when Richard body tackled him, dumping his ass in the shower. Cold water had rained down on his ass for a good hour, and Richard hadn’t allowed him to leave. He’d been so pissed off, but Richard had pulled him out of the shit and woke him up.

“How are you feeling?” Richard asked, coming into the room, and bringing Jason out of his thoughts.

“Like shit. My head is pounding.”

“You drank enough to sink a fucking ship. You’ve not exactly been yourself for the past couple of days.”

“I miss her, Richard.”

“I know.”

“No, I really miss her. She’s not the kind of woman you’re ever going to forget.”

Richard didn’t say anything. He closed the door and sat down on the sofa. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. She’s lost to me forever. I’m not going to get a chance to be with her,” Jason said.

Tears filled his eyes, and he wiped them away before they had the chance to fall.

“Nothing is lost to you unless you give it up, Jason.”

“I can’t go back to her. She’ll never trust me, and I don’t blame her.” Jason stood up. There was no point in sitting around waiting for something to happen. He may as well just get ready, and deal with the shit that was coming his way.

“Where are you going?”

“On set. Deep is waiting, right?”

“Yes.”

Removing his robe, he made his way on set. His dick was flaccid, and he couldn’t get it up. He was hoping Deep’s expert lips would get a rise out of him. It was pitiful how he was handling the shit that was going on in his life.

Wiping at his brow, he made his way toward the set. Several of the cameramen and artists smiled his way. He nodded at them, refusing to become mean even though he hated being here.

Deep was already on set, smiling and winking at some of the men who’d be fucking her that day. Jason was lucky he was second in line. He stood behind Steve who’d been working the camera for the past eight years.

“You okay, man?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“The cameras are going to be rolling. You’re going to need to step back a foot.”

Jason did as he was instructed and watched the show from afar. Keeping his gaze on the screen, he watched as the director shouted “action” once everyone got into position. Deep was receiving mail today, only she’d be the one fucking the mailman for her first shoot.

He stood for the next hour as Deep took Dwayne, another porn star, into her home, and sucked the living shit out of his cock. There was no holding back, and she went down on him, swallowing to his balls. Nothing happened to Jason’s dick. He wasn’t hard at all.

Dwayne finally pulled out of her mouth, only to turn her over the sofa, and start fucking her roughly from behind.

“That’s right, baby, fuck my pussy, make it hurt real good.”

“Moan like you mean it.” The director shouted the order out to Deep, who started to moan in the same way she always did. There was a look on her face, and Jason knew she hadn’t used any lube, and it was hurting just a little.

He thought about Sydney. She’d been so fucking wet that he’d slid into her with ease.

“Fuck, so good, I want you to come in me. Give me that spunk.”

With each word that was being said, Jason took a step back. He couldn’t do it. There was no way he could continue living a complete and total lie. Some men and women loved being porn stars. They relished fucking a new person every day, but he couldn’t be this person anymore.

He’d gone from being a thousand woman man, to one woman. No one would ever satisfy the craving within him other than Sydney. She was the love of his life.

Jason left the stage as Deep grew louder with her moans. He returned to the dressing room to find Richard playing a game.

“What’s going on?”

“I can’t do it.”

“What?”

“You’re right. I had to make a decision of what I wanted to do, and up ‘til this moment I didn’t realize it.”

Richard pocketed his cell phone, giving him his undivided attention. “What have you realized?”

“I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been coming away from it more and more. The last four weeks with Sydney have been the best of my life. I’m done with this.”

“What will you do?”

“I’ve got options, and I’m going to make sure by the time I go for Sydney, I’m not going to be this person anymore.”

“Are you sure?”

“More than anything.” Jason smiled as he pulled his clothes back on. “You’re the best friend a man could ever ask for, Richard.”

“I can’t leave this life yet. I love it.”

“I’m not asking you to leave it.” Jason moved toward his friend, and pulled him in for a hug. “I’ll support you every step of the way. I’ve got enough money, and I’m comfortable with my investment. I’ve got time to do something else with my life.”

“I love you, man,” Richard said. “Are you going to get Sydney now?”

“No. I’m going to be the perfect man for her. Then I’m going to go and get her.”

****

Sydney stares down at the piece of paper in her hands, and she wished it had said something other than she was all clean. If Jason had lied, and she had some kind of sexual disease, she could have tried to hate him just a little bit.

The last week she’d been an emotional wreck, crying at every moment, hating life in the next. She’d escaped to the toilet at work every chance she got just so she could cry in peace without someone watching her.

Ben had been a welcome distraction. She’d not allowed him to take her out, but he kept trying now that she was no longer with a man. He’d seen her with Jason, and had put her emotions down to finishing with him.

“What’s the matter?” Dawn asked.

Since she kicked her sister out, Dawn just kept coming back to her. Sydney had long lost the heart to be mad at her anymore.

“Nothing.”

Dawn took the piece of paper and read the words on the page. “He was clean?”

“Yeah, he was clean, and so was I.”

“What are you going to do?” Dawn asked.

“Nothing. I’m not going to do anything.” Sydney picked up her purse and began closing her windows. It had become an endless routine of closing up her home before she left. “I’ve got to get to work today. That’s all I’m going to do, and then I’m going to come home, make dinner, go to bed after reading, then start the whole process again.”

“What’s going on with you?” Dawn asked.

“Nothing is going on with me. I’m just tired of constantly being wrong.”

“There’s more men out there, Syd. Jason wasn’t the only man who’d love a chance to be with you.” Dawn placed the letter down on the table. “Who was that guy’s name? You know, the one who works with you?”

“Ben?

“Yeah, he had a thing for you. Why don’t you give him a chance?”

“Jason was in love with me, or is in love with me, whatever the correct way of thinking is. I love him, Dawn. I’m not going to move on, and pretend to love someone else. I can’t do that.”

“This doesn’t prove anything.” Dawn pointed at the sheet of paper. “All this proves is that he was clean.”

“I believe what he said, Dawn. He lied about what he did, but everything else, that wasn’t lies.” She walked to her door, waiting for Dawn to follow behind her.

“Are you coming?”

“Yes.”

She waited for Dawn to leave her home before locking the door. Hugging her sister, she didn’t wait around for pleasantries, and walked the distance to the shop. She needed to clear her mind, and the only way to do that was with walking.

He’s a porn star.

He lied about who he was.

Did he really lie?

Everything he said apart from being a PA could have been the truth.

Her thoughts and questions went on and on. Her feelings, they were all real to her. She had fallen in love with Jason, and knew given the chance, she’d fall in love with him again and again.

Ben was arriving at the shop as she was.

“Hello,” he said.

“Hi, Ben.”

“How are you feeling today?”

“I’m good. You?”

Tricia was already in the back, taking a delivery from the local farmer.

“I’m great. I was wondering if you’d like to go out to dinner with me tonight.”

She was going to give him the same kind of brush off she’d been given him the past couple of weeks. Instead, she turned to look at him. “Ben, you’re a great guy, and any other time I might have jumped at the chance to have dinner with you.”

“Another time, maybe?”

Sydney hated being mean, but she refused to let him think he had a shot with her. There wasn’t a chance with her. She didn’t intend to stick around to be with him for long.

“No, not another time. It’s time you started trying to find someone else. I’m in love with another man.”

“I thought you’d broken up with him.”

“We’re taking a break. I love Jason, and we’re getting through some problems. I can’t walk away from him.” The words were not complete lies. They hadn’t broken up, not really. She’d kicked him out of her home, and they’d not spoken in the last week.

He’s a porn star.

Who fucking cares?

Staring at the dimming hope in Ben’s eyes, she smiled at him.

“Don’t wait for me, Ben. I’m already taken.”

And that was the truth. She had slowly come to terms with the fact that Jason was a porn star. Could she accept him as a porn star, or give him up?

The past week had been a nightmare without him. She missed him all the time. Not a moment went by when she didn’t think about it. It was the strangest thing in the world. When she baked a new cake, she wanted to send him a picture to show what she’d done that day. So his pictures would contain his dick inside another woman.

She closed her eyes.

Couples in porn movies had successful relationships, or at least she’d read that some stars were married. If they could have a go at it, why couldn’t she accept Jason for what had earned him a living? They were all good at something. She was good at baking, Dawn was hot at taxes, and Jason was good at turning people on for a living.

She had to make it work, as otherwise she was going to be more miserable without him.

Getting into work, she resolved herself to finally go and talk to him. She had to. This misery had to come to an end.