Текст книги "Taint"

Автор книги: S. L. Jennings

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Without a word, I slid her a business card. No name. No information. Just a phone number. Then I slapped a hundred dollar bill on the bar and turned and walked away.

Five minutes later, Erin was ringing my cell phone.

“There’s a diner on Michigan Avenue,” I answered without preamble.

“Which one?” she asked into the receiver.

“Whichever one you find me at.” End.

Half an hour later, Erin slid into the booth I was stationed at, flustered and irritated. I picked up my cup of coffee and casually took a sip before sliding her a menu.

“I’m not here to eat,” she said, pushing it back towards me.

“Order. You’re hungry. And don’t lie and say that you’re not. What we won’t do is lie to each other. Understand?”

Her eyes grew wide, but she didn’t argue. She was perfect for me. I knew she would be. I didn’t have the time or patience to break in someone who didn’t know how to submit.

I sipped my coffee while Erin devoured a large platter of eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns and toast. When she had eaten every morsel, I decided it was time to get down to business.

“Tell me your story.”

Without much coaxing, Erin revealed that she was a first year med student with no family and no means to support herself. She had lost her tiny, ramshackle apartment, and her small scholarship didn’t cover much beyond the first year, let alone housing. She was stuck– either drop out and go back home to Idaho, or find other, less-appealing ways to support herself. That day, she had decided that maybe her dreams of becoming a doctor just weren’t going to come true.

“I have a proposition for you,” I told her.

“I’m not a prostitute,” she quickly interjected.

I smiled at her amusingly. “I would certainly hope not.”

I showed her my hand, explaining to her what I wanted and how I would compensate her for it. There, in a small diner in downtown Chicago, I asked about her sexual history (Two guys: an old boyfriend from Idaho and a one-hit wonder in undergrad), her level of inhibition (she considered herself a try-sexual: she’d try anything once), and her health background (squeaky clean: no glove, no love), all of which I had hardcopy proof of already. Then I paid the tab and took her back to my hotel room to sign all the necessary documents and begin the first phase of her training.

“Now, sweetheart, I need to know how far you’ll go. You’re not obligated to do anything you don’t want to, but there are places that I will touch you that will arouse you. That will arouse me. And I will want to fuck you. Hell, I want to fuck you right now.”

She sat on the bed, long, smooth legs crossed and eyes hooded. “I want that too.”

I touched her in places she never even knew were erogenous zones. I kissed her tight body until my lips burned. Then I fucked her long, deep and hard until she soaked the sheets with her wetness.

As she looked at me lazily, her vision shrouded in afterglow, she smiled with delirious delight. “Oh my God. I don’t even know your name.”

I looked up at the ceiling, avoiding her tender gaze. “I’m Justice Drake.”

“Mmmm, Justice Drake. I like that.”

I could already hear her trying out the name preluded by a Mrs. I shut it down quick.

“Yes. And that was for pleasure. However, anytime I touch you from here on out will be strictly business. Understand?”

Without so much as a kiss on the cheek, I left Erin alone in that hotel suite, sore and satisfied, with a few bills and instructions for the following week.

I KNEW I should’ve sent Erin on her merry way the moment she started in with the waterworks. But truth be told, I’m not a complete bastard. I just sometimes like to let my inner asshole shine. He’s much better at evading social nuances than I am.

So I let her dry her tears and even made her a cup of tea. Then I insisted that she pack up those perky tits and get on the first thing smokin’ back to Chicago. But as luck would have it, I was quite possibly a day late and a dollar short.

“Call me when you land at O’Hare,” I say, opening the front door for her to exit. I had been throwing hints all evening, and was about to resort to air traffic control signals.

“Ok. Thanks again, Justice. You’re always so good to me. I’d be lost without you.” She stretches on her tiptoes and kisses me on the corner of my mouth. I’m just about to chastise her for crossing the boundaries, when all coherent thought and sense of speech are stolen from me.

Standing at my door, fire licking her shoulders in the cool, early autumn breeze, is Allison, her hand still raised as if she were preparing to knock.

“Ally…uh…hey.” See, this is the part where the cheating husband shrieks out “It’s not what it looks like! I can explain!”while his pants are around his ankles and his dick is still rock hard.

But I’m not anyone’s husband. And I can’t cheat on someone that isn’t mine. So…why do I feel like I’ve done something wrong?

“Oh, my apologies,” she smiles tightly, stifling her discomfort. “I wasn’t aware you had company. I’ll come back later, Mr. Drake.”

“No, no. Erin was just leaving,” I refute, holding the door open wider and nearly shoving Erin out of the way. “Please, come in.”

“That’s not necessary. I should’ve made other arrangements. I’m terribly sorry.”

Allison turns to walk away, and I catch her elbow before she can take another step. She turns to me, animated eyes reduced to questioning slits, but she doesn’t pull away. Fuck it. I’m screwed anyway. “Stay. Please. Stay, Ally.”

She nods slowly, her gaze never leaving mine. I hear the muted rustle of silk and an irritated huff beside me. Dammit. Erin.

“So…I guess I’ll leave now.” She brushes past us brusquely, and makes a beeline for the main house to collect her things.

“Let me know you got in safely,” I call out after her.

“Yeah, yeah,” she waves without looking back. I know I should go after her and at least attempt to smooth things over, before her wild imagination begins to cook up all kinds of rumor-inducing theories, but what would I say? And how could I even force myself to walk away, now that I hold this precious angel in the palm of my hand?

Erin will have to wait. Logic, morals, obligations will all have to wait.

“Come in,” I murmur, holding my breath, as Ally crosses the threshold. She follows me to the kitchen, where I retrieve our half-eaten carton of ice cream and two spoons.

“I can’t stay. It’s just…I, uh…ran into a problem with your homework assignment.”

I bite my bottom lip hard to keep from chuckling. “Oh? Need a hand?” I turn just in time to see Ally’s icy-cold glare. She shakes her head.

“See…this was a mistake.”

“No, no, I’m sorry. Tell me about it. I sincerely want to help.” I open the carton of Mint Chocolate Chip and scoop up a serving, handing it to her. Ally pauses, contemplating her next move, before eventually exhaling her frustration and accepting the cold, creamy peace offering.

“It’s nothing…I don’t think.” She eases the spoon into her mouth and hums her approval, letting her eyelids close in ecstasy. She slides onto a barstool before sinking her spoon back in for another bite. “It’s just… Ok, don’t laugh. Promise?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die,” I respond around a mouthful of sweet, frozen deliciousness.

“Ok, here goes… How do you know if you had an orgasm?” she almost whispers.

I frown. “What do you mean, how do you know?”

“I mean, how can you tell? Like, I’m not sure if or how I’ve…you know. And I’ve never…by myself… Oh God, this is too embarrassing!” She shoves the spoon into the carton and covers her face with both hands.

“Ally…” I stow my own spoon and place a comforting hand on her shoulder. Just an innocent shoulder. Nothing to see here, folks.

“I’m mortified! This was such a mistake!”

“It’s not. That’s what I’m here for. You can ask me anything, you hear me? Anything.”

Slowly, she removes her hands from her face yet keeps her eyes trained on the countertop. “I swear, I’m not this clueless. It’s just…there’s only been Evan and we’ve never talked about whether or not I’ve…you know. So I’m not sure if it’s happened or what kind.”

I nod, understanding what she’s saying and surrendering the instinct to wrap her up in my arms and kiss her senseless. Her naiveté is incredibly inspiring. Oh, the things I could do…

“Well, Ally. If you have to wonder if you’ve ever had an orgasm, then chances are, you haven’t.”

Her eyes double in size. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Are they that good? Like, will I be able to distinguish it from just regular sex?”

I grin, hoping that it comes off as more reassuring than mocking. “Think of the act of sex as a slow burn. There are highs and lows, of course. Some areas burn hotter than others. But for the most part, it just kindles until it’s eventually extinguished.

“Now, achieving orgasm…imagine that burn building into a flame. And that flame growing into a wildfire. And that wildfire combusting into a fireworks display on the 4th of July. Dozens of magnificent colors bursting, popping, sizzling. Lighting up the night sky with blinding brilliance. You can tell the difference between that slow, steady burn and fireworks, right?”

Ally picks up her spoon and digs around in the ice cream carton, avoiding eye contact. “Yes, of course.”

“Then you know whether or not you’ve achieved orgasm.” I pick up my spoon from the pint and lick the ice cream remnants before pointing it towards her. “So tell me, Ally…Did Evan ever make you feel fireworks?”

She’s quiet for a few beats, so I know I’ve crossed the line. But instead of slapping me across the face soap-opera style or high tailing it out of my house, she laughs. She laughs that carefree belly laugh that illuminates the darkness of my lonely heart. The kind that is usually accompanied by a snort and/or tears at the tiny crinkles around her eyes. The kind of laugh that makes me laugh too, for no damn reason at all.

“No,” she shakes her head, still laughing. “No, Evan never made me feel fireworks. Oh my God, how pathetic am I? Twenty-seven years old and I’ve never had an orgasm!” Hilarity overcomes her once more, and she slaps the kitchen top.

“Ally…” I say, catching my breath. “Ally, that doesn’t make you pathetic at all. That makes him pathetic. He has perfection at his fingertips, yet he can’t get you off? You were pure and untouched when you met him. Untainted. You gave him a beautiful gift. The least he could’ve done was make you come properly.”

That gets her attention, and all signs of humor are erased from her expression. “I guess you’re right. But it was just never a priority to Evan.” Her face falls, sadness creeping onto her delicate, porcelain features. “ Iwas never a priority.”

I want to touch her so badly. I want to pull her chin up so she can see me…so she can feel the conviction in my next words. “Then why on Earth would you want to be with someone who only makes you an option? When you clearly have made hima priority?”

Her eyes meet mine, unmasked pain and confusion so evident in those cyan orbs. “Justice…don’t-”

“I mean, why would you put up with that when you know you deserve so much better?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I mean, do I really deserve better? Isthere better than this? We grow up seeing the leaders of our nation being cheaters and liars. We hear about deception destroying marriages every day. What’s the alternative? Loneliness?”

No. Me.I’m the alternative.

But that would be a lie, wouldn’t it? That would make me just as bad as Evan and every other piece of shit that’s ever hurt a woman.

“Happiness,” I say instead. “Friendship. Freedom.”

“Ha, freedom,” she half-snorts. “Is there such a thing for us? When our lives are exploited for must-see-TV?”

“Mine isn’t,” I state matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, that’s because you didn’t grow up as an Upper East Side sock puppet. You got to have a real childhood, with parents who didn’t leave you to be raised by nannies and friends that actually liked you for you, and not for who you could introduce them to.”

“Don’t be so sure,” I murmur, rolling my eyes.

“Oh yeah? Then how did you escape the madness? How did you avoid the paparazzi and fakeness and disillusions of grandeur?”

“Circumstance.”

We both shrug and go back to raking our spoons over ribbons of mint and chocolate. I don’t want to explain, and she doesn’t want to hear an explanation. We’re both comfortable in this illusion of safety and normalcy where spying cameras and incriminating tabloids don’t exist.

“Ok, if you were on a first date with a woman, would you be more impressed if she ordered a salad or a big, juicy burger?”

I raise an amused brow at her unpredictability. “Huh?”

“Salad or burger? Which girl is gonna get the goods?” she says before plopping a dollop of ice cream on her tongue. I watch with rapt fascination as she licks the spoon clean, too absorbed to even attempt to answer her question. Ally catches my gaze and puts the spoon down, a mischievous smile twitching her lips. “Focus, Drake. Answer the question or I’ll be forced to steal your ice cream stash and eat it all, locked up in my room alone.”

I snap out of my trance and give her a half shrug. “What do you expect? I’m only human.”

“Your sudden lapse of ADD has nothing to do with being human and everything to do with you being a man. So put the testosterone on ice and answer the damn question.”

“Fine, fine.” I tilt my head from side to side, contemplating my answer. “I’d have to go with burger girl.”

“Burger girl? Even though she smells like deep-fried animal carcass and has a case of the meat sweats?”

“No, no,” I chuckle, shaking my head. “Because she isn’t afraid to be what she is.”

Both brows rise in confusion. “What she is? You mean bloated?”

“No, Ally,” I smile. “Real. She’s not afraid to show me who she truly is.”

“Interesting,” she remarks, tapping her spoon against her lips. “Especially considering that getting you to show me who you are is like pulling teeth.”

I look around as if she couldn’t possibly be talking to me. “Um, I’m pretty sure you’re in my house right now. And we’ve even quasi-swapped spit by sharing ice cream. You even wore my clothes!”

“But you’re so vague! You’re like a steel vault that I’m trying to tap into with a meat mallet.”

“You have a weird obsession with meat today,” I jibe, trying to resist my grin.

“Oh, you wish, buddy,” she retorts, not even realizing just how true that statement is. Or maybe she does?

Ally props her elbow on the countertop, resting her chin in her palm with a sigh. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Because you’re full of shit.”

“Ouch,” I cringe.

“You’d totally pick salad girl. You’d pick her, bring her back to your place then play her ribs like an xylophone.”

Now it’s my turn to laugh hysterically. “Oh hell no! Definitely not.”

“All guys pick salad girl. It’s a proven fact,” she nods confidently. “Burger chicks get no love.”

What is it about this girl? She’s so cool and cute and funny, and just… real. She’s my burger girl. Everyone else is just salad—cold and unfulfilling.

We finish off the last of the ice cream before moving to the living room to channel surf. Ally snatches the remote and instantly turns it to an old episode of Friendson Nick-At-Night. It’s the episode where Monica and Chandler get married.

“I love these guys,” she remarks, settling in at my side. I stretch my arm across the back of the loveseat (don’t even get me started on that name) and she curls into me even more. Holy fuck. Please don’t get hard, please don’t get hard, please don’t get hard…

“Yeah? Why?” I ask, trying to distract my mind.

“Well…they’re the ultimate BFFs. Six friends, living in the city, experiencing life together. From mishaps and misadventures to love, romance, friendship. I just love everything about them.”

Ross threatens to kick Chandler’s ass, and Ally giggles. I smile down at her as she watches intently, her face glowing with tenderness. It’s like observing an extraterrestrial being, something so foreign and exotic and exciting that you just can’t stop staring. You don’t want to move, you don’t even want to blink, in fear that they’ll fade away into oblivion.

“I miss those days,” she sighs, as we watch Monica walk down the aisle. I know what she means, and something in my chest sinks. I want to pull away and let her live her memory alone when she continues. “Not the wedding. Just that feeling of togetherness. Having friends to experience the highs and lows of life with you. I miss it.”

I shrug. Ally feels the rise and fall of my chest and looks up with a frown. “You don’t miss it?”

“I never had it.”

“Oh, come on. No old friends from Denton Academy that you raised hell with? If memory serves me well, I remember Denton guys having quite the reputation.”

I shake my head with a smile. Oh, I raised hell. Shit, I was legendary. But she’d never know that.

“I never had friends like that. I don’t even have friends like that now,” I tell her.

Ally lets her hand drift until it finds mine. She squeezes, her eyes smiling like they’ve just found a shiny, new penny. “Well…you have me. I’m your friend, right?”

Friend. Friend.

Is that what I am to her? Is there any other option?

I came into this with intentions of being something different. Her teacher. Her advisor. Her guide.

But then…then I wanted to be something else. Her friend, yes, but unconsciously, I thought that I would mean more. Something deeper.

Her lover.

I wanted to be this woman’s lover. This married woman’s lover.

As jaded and selfish and all–around fucked up as it makes me, it’s what I want. And even knowing that this could never be, I still want that illusion. I want to dig my heart out with a teaspoon and set it aflame, when I can clearly see how it will destroy me. That this woman—this delicate little dove—will destroy me.

“We are.” It’s all I can say without giving way to my true feelings. Without analyzing all the coulda-shoulda-wouldas that currently run through my head.

I squeeze the side of her arm and look back at the TV. Joey is officiating, and he tells Monica and Chandler to kiss once more. I laugh. Because that’s what a friend would do.

SEX, LIES, VIDEO TAPE AND PREGNANCY RUMORS?

Upper East Side socialite, Evan Carr, was caught with another woman while leaving a secluded clinic in Hoboken yesterday, dressed in plain clothing, a baseball cap and dark shades. The woman, also dressed similarly, appears to be the same woman from the sex tape that surfaced a week ago.

Rumors of infidelity are nothing new for the 29-year-old Manhattan playboy, and sources say that the woman in the tape and photographs is actually wife Allison Elliot-Carr’s best friend, Kelsie van Weiss. Kelsie and Allison both attended St. Mary’s Prep and even studied at Columbia together. According to sources close to the couple, Allison has indeed left their penthouse home in the city and has checked into a treatment facility for an addiction to painkillers, sparked by the cheating fallout. No word on which center at this time, but stay tuned for the latest breaking news…

I read the story again. Then again, hoping that I’ve misread. I mean, it’s the internet. Shit gets twisted, turned around and lost in translation. This can’t be correct. So what if I’m still basking in the rose-colored haze left behind by Ally’s presence last night. Something this awful, this disgusting, this hurtful can’t happen to her. Not even a prick like Evan could stoop thatlow.

I close the Google alert on my phone and scroll to my contacts. Heidi picks up on the first ring.

“I’m on it, Drake,” she snaps over the blaring sounds of car horns and shouting food vendors.

“Tell me this shit isn’t true.”

“What? You read Page Six, right? It’s all over E! and TMZ.”

“I know.” I silently scold myself for giving Evan too much credit. Of course, he would be that vile. It’s his true nature. That’s what happens when two ain’t-shit people procreate. They birth ain’t-shit kids that grow up to be ain’t-shit husbands.

“Like I said, I’m on it. We’ve already leaked check-in information for Mrs. Carr. Even some photos of her enjoying a massage and a facial that we pulled from your security. Everything will check out on her end. As for Evan…nothing we can do there.”

“And you ensured the header is displayed on the documents?” For tax purposes, Oasis is technically an ultra-exclusive spa. Few people know it exists, and even fewer actually know its location. The pap wouldn’t even know where to look.

“Yes, of course, Justice. This isn’t my first rodeo, you know.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Heidi asks, annoyance in her voice. When it comes to business, Heidi is about as no-nonsense as it gets. She isn’t challenged often– she has no reason to be. Her reputation speaks for itself.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling a migraine digging its way from my eyelids to my temples. Definitely not the way I had planned to spend my Saturday morning. “I thought I asked you to have someone on Evan?”

“And I did! We can’t monitor his every move, Justice. I actually have other clients, you know.”

“I don’t give a damn about your other clients, Heidi. Take care of this.” Knocking resonates from the front door, and I jump to my feet, anxious and irritated. “Look, fix this shit. The last thing Ally needs is bullshit addiction rumors. Do whatever you need to do.” End.

I stalk to the front door, my patience diminishing with each step. Too preoccupied, I yank it open without bothering to look out the peephole.

Ally’s gaze sweeps my frame, eyes wide with curious delight, and those red locks illuminated by the bright morning sun. She’s dressed in jeans, a green silk camisole and a purple cardigan, more casual than I’ve ever seen her. However, I’m less than decent in soft flannel pajama pants…and nothing else.

“Well, good morning,” she smiles slyly, sliding through the door, her shoulder grazing mine. She’s holding a brown paper sack and goes straight to the kitchen to set it down. She’s comfortable here. She’s comfortable with me.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, quickly closing the door, but not before checking to make sure no one followed her here.

“Yeesh, you’re grumpy in the morning. For your information, I wanted to surprise you with something totally sweet and awesome, but I can leave if you want.” She flips her hair dramatically and makes her way back to the door. I step into her path before she can even get close.

“Sorry, uh, I just wasn’t expecting you,” I say, gazing down at her, resisting the urge to take my finger and free her bottom lip from its cute, little pout. “And I had a rough morning. Please stay. I could use something totally sweet and awesome.” I flash her a grin, just to soften her up. A face that gentle, that delicate, should never frown.

“Are you mocking me, Drake?” she smirks.

“Maybe. Depends on what you’ve got in that bag.”

Ally smiles, and warmth sweeps over me. Not the heat I feel when I imagine her tight, little body under mine. But real, palpable, comforting warmth. Her smile is the sun—bright and infectious. I’d rather go blind from staring than be without it.

She turns back around and sets the bag on the counter. “Well, it’s your lucky day, because honestly, this is as much of a treat for me as it will be for you.” She begins to unpack her paper sack, splaying things on the marble countertop. “First—breakfast! Your friend Riku—who is a total, freakin’ hottie, by the way—hooked me up with my favorite brunch food ever, fried chicken and waffles!” She uncovers a large Tupperware and the mouthwatering scents of fried batter, spices and syrup fill the room. My stomach rumbles in approval.

“You eat chicken and waffles?” I ask, stepping forward to get a better look at the piping hot, deep-fried fare.

“Hell yes!” she exclaims proudly. “I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve gone to Melba’s in Harlem. You ever been?”

“Can’t say I have.”

She slaps my bare chest lightly and damn near squeals. “You have to let me take you! It’s da bomb!”

“And apparently you have to go back in time to 1996 to eat there,” I jibe, causing her to give me another playful slap.

She laughs, and I join her out of reflex and necessity. Ally means well, but she could never know what she’s doing to me. Making plans after this, as if I could actually have a place in her life outside these four walls? As if she and I could continue this…thing?

I’m not sure whether I should be pissed at her for giving me false hope or be contented by the fact that she wants me in her life. But when I look at her, so happy—happy with me—I can’t feel anything but grateful for the charade, even though it will kill me when the curtain closes.

Ally raises the dish until it’s eye level, taunting me with the sweet, spicy aromas. “Shut up! Or you don’t get any of this.”

“Riku made that?”

“Yup. He was actually pretty surprised at my request. Guess the other ladies are too concerned with gaining an ounce to enjoy some real food,” she shrugs. “Geez, I see why you keep him locked up in the kitchen. He’d totally get molested by all these horny housewives!”

I give her a half-grin before turning toward the cabinets in an attempt to hide my flare of jealousy. I have no business feeling any type of possessiveness over Ally. She isn’t mine. But fuck it, I never copped to being rational.

“That’s cool of him,” I remark, as coolly as I can possibly muster.

“Yeah. Anyway, my plan is to fill you with fat and cholesterol, then I was hoping you’d be satisfied enough to humor me…”

I turn around with plates and silverware, just in time to catch a sheepish look on her face. “Humor you?”

“Yeah.” She sets down the dish, opens her bag again, and gleefully reveals the next item, clutching it to her chest like it’s her most prized possession. “ Friendsmarathon!”

“You’re kidding, right?”

Ally hugs the boxed set of DVDs and shakes her head. “I neverkid about Friends. Come on, Justice! It’ll be fun! I even brought sustenance so we don’t have to leave your house for the entire day,” she says, pulling out bags of chips, packages of microwavable popcorn, candy and a two-liter of soda. “Just me, you, Ross, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler and Joey. And enough junk food to clog all of our arteries.”

I pick up a king-size bag of peanut M&Ms. “Where’d you get all this stuff?”

“I begged Diane to help me out, telling her I had some serious PMS cravings that would only be satisfied with carbs. I wanted to make you an offer you couldn’t refuse.”

I make a disparaging face and rub the back of my neck. Ally’s expression falls in response. “Well… you’re lucky clogged arteries are soin style this season.”

Ally smiles and the sun burns my eyes. I just squint and smile too.

“OH MY GOD. That was…”

“Mmmmm.” I rub my full belly and swallow the last, delicious morsel of crispy fried chicken, fluffy waffle and sweet syrup. It’s the perfect bite.

“…amazing, delicious. Better than sex.”

“I don’t know about that,” I say, wiping my mouth with a napkin. “Riku is a great chef and all, but nothing is better than sex.”

“Meh.”

I raise a brow. “Meh?”

“Meh. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty good. But sex is just… I don’t know. Just sex. I get why people enjoy it so much, but I just don’t understand why we give it so much power. It’s a physical act of love or affection, not love or affection itself. Relationships are about so much more than sex. It’s about trust, loyalty, honesty, kindness, respect—all things that don’t require a woman to spread her legs.”

I peg her with a bewildered stare. “You doknow who you’re talking to, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, Mr. Sexpert Extraordinaire. And I’ll admit; you know your stuff. But don’t you think there are other factors in a relationship, namely a marriage, which can impact sex? For instance, if your lover is sweet and sensitive and treats you like a treasure, don’t you think sex would be amazing? Even if it’s not that great physically?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.” I push my plate to the side and prop my elbows on the countertop, leaning towards her. “I agree that all of those elements are necessary and required in a relationship, but to be honest, it all leads to sex. You see, we’re sweet and funny and kind because we want sex. We sit through chick flicks, the theater and ballet because we want sex. We wait patiently as you try 83 variations of a black peep-toe pump because we want sex…while you wear the shoes.

“Think of it this way: trust, honesty, respect…all those things are like the playoffs during football season. You need to play them. They’re necessary to get you to where you want to be—the Super Bowl. Sex is the Super Bowl, Ally. And while those playoff games may have gotten you there, they really can’t win the game for you. No one says, “They played great in that game a few weeks ago, so it’s ok that they’re losing now.”It’s how you play the game thatday that matters. That’s the only thing people care about.”

Ally nods solemnly as she mindlessly swirls the remnants of syrup on her plate with a fork. “So…what if you don’t have all the other stuff? What if there is no trust, no honesty, no respect? What if your partner loses every single game?Why on earth do they still feel deserving of sitting in the bleachers, let alone playing, at the Super Bowl?”

I look down where her hand continues to slide that fork through the sticky syrup. At the hand that houses her diamond wedding ring. Then I’m looking into her eyes, urging her to see me. To hear me. “Maybe you’re just rooting for the wrong team.”

She’s quiet, but she holds my gaze, those wild eyes uncovering every complicated layer of my admission. I know she wants to ask me what I mean, and at this moment, I can’t lie to her. When she looks at me like that, like I somehow matter in her world, that I actually take up space somewhere in her thoughts, she can ask me anything. And I’d hand her every single one of my secrets on a silver platter.

“Come on,” I say, standing to my feet and breaking our trance. I hold out my hand, offering the only thing I can provide her. The only thing I’m worthy of giving her: right now.“I want to watch Friendswith my friend.”

“I THINK THIS may be my favorite episode,” Ally says with half a Twizzler dangling from between her lips. I pull off a piece and pop it in my mouth.