Текст книги "Wild Cards"

Автор книги: R.C. Stephens

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

I gasped and a cold shiver ran through my body. “How do you know you hurt her if you don’t remember doing it?” I asked, needing to understand more.

“I had one of the family contacts track her down, it led me to a hospital. She was in a psychiatric ward, Vicky. I broke her. I did that to her. After all the abuse she experienced at her mother’s hands, I almost killed her. She told me herself,” he explained with a shaky voice and red eyes.

“I, I…I don’t know what to say….” I said, wrapping my arms around my waist. I knew he expected me to run at this point. Maybe like everyone else that had run from him his whole life, but I wasn’t running. I just needed time to think, to process everything.

“Do you understand now why I am a monster? Why I can’t touch you?” he asked desperately. Maybe he wanted to scare me off, but I still wasn’t running. He was torn up over what happened to his wife, but he didn’t even remember doing it.

“How is it that you don’t remember the attack, Luc?”

“I went to see a psychiatrist when I arrived to New York, I needed to understand myself…he explained that I suffered from a drug induced psychosis. It means that the drugs and alcohol mixed in my system had put me into a psychotic state, in which I must have become paranoid. Because I had been locked up and I was suffering from a severe amount of stress from the slew of charges against me, I cracked Vicky,” his voice cracked as he admitted it sorrowfully.

“You said that you haven’t had sex in two years, but do you drink alcohol or do drugs?” I asked, knowing that this would be the obvious precursor to his bad behavior.

“No, absolutely not,” he answered vehemently. “I’ve always become an asshole when I drank alcohol, it’s like an allergy for me. It does bad things to my personality and brings out a violent side I don’t normally have.”

I nodded my head hoping I understood. The fact that he had a problem with alcohol scared me a bit, especially with having an alcoholic father at home. Only my father hadn’t become violent, only resigned. From the sounds of it, he was a tortured soul. So he couldn’t drink alcohol. It seemed like he had that part of it under control.

“Where is your wife now?” I asked needing to know. Was he still married? Was she dead?

“Ex-wife,” he corrected. “She’s with her high school sweetheart. She had warned me from the start that she wasn’t capable of love. I thought it was because of her broken past and her parents’ divorce. She was never completely explicit about the fact that she had been in love with the same guy all her life, and he had gone and disappeared on her. If she had told me that much I would have understood I never had a dying chance with her. Instead she gave me the part of her that she could, and I had hoped for more….I came to Canada in search of a normal life. Alexis was part of that, she was smart and real, not like the sluts I told you about back home. I put her in danger, Vicky. Since I am coming clean with you, you should also understand that contact with me is dangerous,” he said lifting his t-shirt and revealing a delicious eight pack. His wide shoulders and strong chest were smooth and over his left chest muscle was the tattoo of an eagle with its wings spread out. As my eyes roamed his chest down to his abdomen, even in the dim light of the room I noticed the rough skin in the center of his stomach. Was that why he wore the tank top?

I scoot over the bed to get closer to him and lowered my head to the level of his stomach. He had a serious scar. As my finger ran over the scar, Luc hissed as if my touch had burned him. It made me sad to think that he’d been so broken that it was hard for him to feel the touch of a woman.

“What is this?” I asked, inspecting the scar closely.

“A bullet wound.”

“You were shot?” I asked with round eyes.

“Yes, my father had threatened Alexis, he sent my brother Henri to send a message. He would hurt her if I tried to leave the family. My father called me up to warn me that Henri was going to pay Alexis a visit, and by the time I reached her, Henri was threatening her, we fought. Henri had a gun on him. I think he wanted to scare Alexis or maybe even kill her…” he paused. It must be the look of terror on my face at the mention of threats and guns.

“I told you I was a monster, have I scared you enough for one evening?” he asked with sheer honesty.

“Please tell me more,” I urged him forward, despite the fact that yes, he was scaring me.

“Henri had smashed Alexis against a wall and she was hurt, we scuffled and I got a hold of him, hoping Alexis would run away. Only she was probably in shock and she was stuck in the same spot. Henri had held a gun to her and he still had the gun flailing everywhere as we fought. I feared it going off and Alexis getting caught in the crossfire, but that’s not how it played out.”

“Your brother shot you?” I asked with disgust.

“Yes, then he ran away and Alexis’s boyfriend and long-time love came to help us. He stopped me from bleeding out onto the road and he took care of her.”

“You took a bullet for your ex-wife?” I asked, smacking my hand to my mouth, his story was becoming more than tragic by the passing minutes, and he didn’t even end up with the girl. Who was this Alexis? I didn’t like her one bit by the sounds of it. She led him on. Even though he lied to her, she wasn’t honest either. I now understood why he was being so open and honest about his past and his feelings. He had been burned before.

“Luc, I’m so sorry that you have had to live through such a hard time,” I said apologetically. I knew I couldn’t push him and I didn’t want to touch him and make him more nervous than he clearly was.

“I should get you home,” he smiled lightly.

“I don’t want to leave, not yet. I have another question?”

“What is it?”

“Is that why you created the women’s shelter, is that why you dedicate your time to that cause?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yes,” he sighed. “I told you that my intentions were not altruistic. I do it to make myself feel better.”

“But you are giving all these women a second chance,” I said, like I am trying to prove him wrong. Why was I proving him wrong? Was he not the bad guy? I already knew what I felt inside.

“Vicky, you have to understand that I am running after my redemption, but I don’t know if I will ever feel true salvation.”

“That is tragic, Luc. Did your ex-wife ever forgive you, or did you ever discuss how you felt with her?” I asked needing to know. He had wronged her in so many ways. Was she able to forgive him?

“I saw my ex-wife after I had been shot. She did forgive me and her fiancé forgave me too. They are the ones that introduced me to Bryce. You haven’t met him yet, but you have a cousin named Brad, he is a good friend with my ex’s fiancé Dylan. It was Dylan who set me up here in New York.”

I sat up from the position I had been lying in. This was a lot of information to process after everything that had happened tonight with Scott. His ex and her boyfriend had forgiven him and yet he didn’t forgive himself; it’s tragic. I brought my knees up to my chest in a protective stance. I tried to mull things over in my mind. Since the moment we met, he had only been trying to help me and watch out for me. If he hadn’t shown up when he had to save me from Scott, then Scott would have probably raped me. Goose bumps sprung up along my arms and down my spine just thinking of it.

“What is it?” Luc asked, maybe noticing my shiver.

“If you would have found me, even five minutes later tonight, Scott would have probably forced himself on me again. You saved me from that, Luc. I think he has mental issues. He called me Vicky at first, but then he switched to calling me Jenny. I think this Jenny must have done a real number on him because it felt like he wanted to cause Jenny pain. I knew he was a sick guy before, but I think someone made him snap. Shit, Luc, I was so scared I became useless to myself. I didn’t fight him, I lay there and took what he was dishing out,” I admitted as my eyes swell with tears. I’m not the emotional type and here I was, an emotional mess, feeling, hurting.

“I am not a hero, Vicky. Don’t make me out to be something I’m not. I try to do good and stay out of trouble because my soul is dark. I’ve seen and done dark things and when I help someone, it’s the only thing that keeps me from drowning.”

“I want to keep you from drowning,” I admitted, looking at him with a serious expression.

His lips tugged up at the corners. “Thank you.” His smile was beautiful and light. This man needed to smile more, he was too damn intense all the time and now I understood why.

“I like your smile.” I tilted my head to the side and grinned at him.

“I like you,” he answered, cocking his head to the side and tugging his lip up at the corner.

“Can I stay here?” I asked, knowing my question would probably make him nervous.

“It’s one o’clock in the morning, can you sleep with this music? Last time the guests stayed until three a.m. I can sleep on the floor you can take the bed,” he said with a soft tone. He looked tired and defeated. I was disappointed he wouldn’t stay in the bed with me.

“Yes. I’m safe with you, Luc,” I confirmed. He shrugged his shoulders.

“Weren’t you listening to what I just told you, I’m dangerous. I’m haunted. I’m not what you need,” he said, shaking his head from side to side.

“How do you know what I need?” I asked feeling irritated with him. I hadn’t told him anything about myself and he didn’t press, but he didn’t know shit about my problems.

He lifted both hands in the air. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I won’t push, not tonight. I want to know what makes you look sad all the time. And you’re wrong, Vicky, I do know what you need. You need love. I just don’t know if I am capable of giving you what you need,” he sighed and let out a long breath. He stepped off the bed and walked over to the closet. A moment later he came out holding a sheet and a plush blanket that he began to spread out on the floor.

“You can sleep in bed with me, I’m not scared of you,” I said looking down at him.

“I know you aren’t scared, not much seems to scare you and that worries me. It’s me that is scared, Vicky. I would feel better on the floor,” he said, and I knew there was no point in arguing with him. He got under the sheet and lay with his hands on his abdomen.

I pulled the covers over me and smelled the fresh masculine scent of his sheets. They smelled of Luc and that made butterflies dance in my stomach. Had he moved into bed beside me, I probably would have wanted to jump his bones, needing to feel a connection with him. The truth was that I had been going to parties in search of sex. Needing to find a connection and drown out my loneliness. Tonight was different. Tonight I found an intense man, and we had a serious conversation. For some reason, that felt so much deeper than sex ever did.

“Luc,” I called out into the dark room.

“Yes,” he answered with a thick rasp in his voice.

“I had a normal childhood. We were a happy family. My older brother watched out for me in school and when we came home at the end of the day, my mama waited with open arms and a bright smile. I had a good life. I did well in school. My parents were hard workers. My mama was a waitress and my father drove a delivery truck. We were a simple and happy family. I dated my high school sweetheart, and when I went off to university, we stayed together because I was still in town. He was going to become a mechanic. We saw each other some evenings and weekends. He was my go-to person. Then I came home for Thanksgiving and everything was off. I sensed something was wrong but no one was talking. Finally, my mother admitted she had a tumor in her brain and that the doctors gave her three months to live. It was hard to accept. She was my best friend my whole life. I had always wanted a sister growing up and she was everything rolled up into a perfect package.

“A few days after I found out about her illness, I ran to Jamie and I caught him screwing another girl. That was probably my first blow, the first chink in my armor. He made me question myself and he made it hard to trust anyone. My mama began to deteriorate quickly, and I had no control over what was happening. There was nothing for me to do. I dropped out of the engineering program and spent every day by her side, watching the life slowly getting sucked from her. Only the progression wasn’t slow. It was like one minute she was smiling and the next it was her last smile. The same with words, one minute she could speak and the next she couldn’t. It was hard to accept. A part of me couldn’t accept it.

“My father began to drink and he became useless. My brother went back to university because it was important to my mother, and he didn’t want to disappoint her. I had many moments of despair with no one to lean on. I allowed myself to go into town and drown my own sorrows. That’s where I met Nessa. You will meet her; she is a great girl. My best friend, she introduced me to the sex clubs and they made a dark world feel a little brighter for brief moments. The weekend my mother died, I felt like I was suffocating. The doctors said three months to live, I never thought it would be sooner. I had spent my days holed up in the house taking care of my mother and watching my father drink himself into a stupor. I had to get away because I feared losing my sanity. That’s when I went home with Scott. I returned to Thunder Bay more damaged than when I had left. Scott broke me completely. I required medical attention after, and I went to the hospital to get stitched up. When I came home and realized my mama had passed, the darkness only grew deeper. My father bailed out on us. Jamie bailed out on me and Joe was stuck inside himself.

“I said to myself that if this was what love was all about, I didn’t want it. Now I realize how wrong I was. Love can break you, Luc, but it can also be the best part of you. I chose to focus on the darkness these last couple of years, but I forgot about the light. I forgot about all the good times we shared. As mad as I was at my father, I now understand that my mother was his life and without his life around him, he didn’t want to live. That is true love, Luc, that isn’t abandonment. It’s real and it’s worthy.” As I said the last words Luc climbed off the floor and crawled into bed beside me, snuggling me into him. He didn’t say anything, but I knew he was listening. “I know I have been scared to trust, but if I use my father as an example I know he was the most loyal man to my mother. He loved her so deeply.”

“I’m a loyal man too,” his husky voice brushed my ear and I quivered.

I closed my eyes, “I know.”

I let out a contented sigh, feeling like the world was a little lighter and feeling grateful to Luc for warming my heart back from its frozen state. Suddenly I realized that my purse was in the coat check. I usually read Mama’s letter every night before I closed my eyes, but I figured my stuff was safe downstairs and my anxiety subsided. Instead I closed my eyes. Luc thought I should fear him, what he didn’t realize was that I felt safe having this broken ogre beside me. I knew he would protect me if need be and something about that thought was fulfilling. I watched the light seep through the door of the master en-suite. I could still hear the thrum of music throughout the house and shadows passing by the door and despite everything, I felt peaceful. I knew if he opened up to me the way he did that he wanted to try to be with me for the long haul, and now I wanted the same thing. The revelation scared me and warmed me.

As sleep overtook me I dreamed of Mama, making her pizza and Joe as a little boy. I must have been asleep for a couple of hours when I heard a banging sound. The apartment was quiet. The music stopped and the sounds of lust and moving bodies ceased. It took me a minute to pull myself out of my dream and gauge my surroundings to see where the banging noise was coming from. As I opened my eyes, I saw Luc thrashing violently beside me; it looked like he was living in his own personal hell. I quietly called his name but he didn’t wake. I didn’t know which angle to nudge him at since his strong arms were flailing about, and I didn’t want him to accidentally knock into me, the guy was living with enough guilt as it was.

“Luc,” I shouted a little louder, but there was no response. “Luc,” I called out even louder, still no response. Whatever he was dreaming about was intense enough to pull him under. I leaned over to where his head was resting on the pillow and tried to tame down his muscular arms and stop his head from thrashing. As I caressed his forehead lightly I began to sing a lullaby my mama sang to me when I woke up in the middle of the night with a bad dream. Slowly he began to calm down and moments later his eyelids flicked open. Looking at him from this angle, I got to see how handsome he really was with thick eyelashes, a wide set jaw, and sharp nose. He was so masculine and perfect. As I caressed the stubble on his cheeks he looked up to me with a guilty grin.

“Was I having a nightmare?” he asked, as if he already knew the answer.

“Yes, you want to talk about it?” I smiled softly.

“Are you a therapist?” he grinned shyly.

“No, but I want to help you if I can.”

“You have the voice of an angel,” he sighed. “I dream about hurting Alexis. Because I don’t remember the night I hurt her, I dream of different scenarios where I lose control and beat her. Or I dream that Henri shoots her and not me,” he admitted shamefully. I felt guilty that maybe telling me his story dredged up the bad memories for him.

“Oh, Luc.” I wrapped my arms around him.

“Is this okay?” I asked not wanting to make him feel worse from the contact.

“Yes,” he sighed, “it’s more than okay,” I leaned in and put my head on his shoulder and he didn’t flinch.

“Is this okay?”

“It’s more than okay, Vicky, I don’t know how you walked into my life, probably at a time when I was feeling the most alone, but I am grateful to the stars above that you did,” he said, kissing the top of my head. His words penetrated me. Feeling needed by him makes me want to get even closer. Was I lacking love so much that I had turned into a cold shell of a person? I had locked my emotions down in fear of falling apart. I began to wonder if I had it all wrong, or maybe I was just waiting to meet him to understand my pain. Maybe I was waiting to meet him to begin living again. What I had been doing wasn’t really living; it was getting by day by day, the only way I knew how. I closed my eyes and drifted off to a peaceful sleep wrapped in warm caring arms.

Chapter 18

Vicky

The alarm on my cell phone went off. I needed to get ready for work. I slowly tried to squirm out of Luc’s arms and he began to wake up too. The room was pitch black and I would have liked nothing more than to fall back asleep. As much as I felt emotionally exhausted, I was also feeling a little lighter that morning.

He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead and stood up. That’s all I get? Really?

“You had your tongue shoved down that redhead's mouth. Didn’t that scare you?” I didn’t mean to come off as sounding irritated, but my sexual frustration was growing especially with sleeping in such close proximity to him. I couldn’t help but feel his morning boner pressing into my behind.

“Vicky this place was jam packed with people last night. If I lost control, there would have been enough men here to put me in my place. Besides I told you I was good,” he said with a cocky grin.

“So why don’t you show me how good you are?” I called out to him as he stretched out his arms. His shirt lifted up giving me a nice view of a happy trail, I’d like to see more.

“I will show you, you can count on it…but not yet. I won’t let you use this thing between us to numb your pain, or whatever it is that you do. I want you to see this as a deep connection, not a temporary fix. I refuse to be your temporary fix,” he said, walking off to the bathroom.

My lips turned down as he closed the bathroom door, I’m not used to being rejected. A moment later I heard the toilet flush then the sound of running water. He must be taking a shower.

I peeled myself out of bed and walked into his master en-suite bathroom. It was the size of my bedroom back home. Luckily the toilet had a private room and I stepped inside to relieve my bladder. When I was done I stepped out. Glass doors surrounded the shower and Luc had them all steamed up, preventing me from a clear view of his naked form. I pulled his large white t-shirt over my head and sauntered over to the shower door. Luc was facing the wall and was rinsing shampoo from his head. I stepped into the shower but his eyes were still closed. I closed the shower door quietly and hugged him from behind.

He flinched, “Shit, Vicky what are you doing?” he asked, swinging around and opening his eyes. I didn’t answer and as his eyes roamed over my body, the gold flecks in them turned to smoldering flames, as his large cock stood to attention. I’m hoping he would reach forward and claim my lips or maybe touch my breasts, but he did neither. Instead he brought me in by the shoulders and put me in front of the multiple shower jets. It felt like a delicious massage against my sore bones. Then he bent down and picked up the shampoo and began to build lather in my hair.

“You are going to wash my hair?” I asked with a shocked tone. That wasn’t what I was expecting him to do. Not with the raging hard on he had.

“Yes…I’m going to take care of you, there are other ways to show affection outside of sex,” he explained, as his fingers massaged my scalp in a sensuous circular motion. When he was done I rinsed out my hair and he passed me the body wash.

“What? I don’t get a full body massage?” I asked, cocking my head to the side with a sardonic grin.

He threw his head back laughing. “If I did that I would have you pinned to the wall with my dick buried inside you in under thirty seconds.”

My nipples hardened at the delicious thought. Luc’s eyes dropped to my breasts, noticing the clear signs of my arousal. He growled, shook his head, and stepped out of the shower.

“Hey, we’re not done in here,” I called out with a light chuckle.

Luc just shook his head and wrapped a towel around his waist, giving me a nice view of his broad chest, that delicious tattoo, and an abdomen sculpted for an exercise magazine.