Текст книги "Wild Cards"

Автор книги: R.C. Stephens

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

Chapter 16

Luc

I couldn’t get Vicky out of my head. My body thrummed to life at the thought of seeing her, and I wondered if she would take me up on my challenge and come tonight. I was putting money on it that she would be here. I could read her like an open book, even if she didn’t like it. There was a knock on the door and I walked over to open it up.

“Hey,” Big Key nodded. He was a tall guy like me and his muscles were almost as bulky as mine too. He was wearing a silver suit and he had a crew follow him into my home. Three large men walked in carrying large boxes and a fourth guy had large suitcases filled with the music system. They all began to set up.

“Make yourselves at home, I will be upstairs…” I muttered, as I took the steps two at a time to the second floor. I wasn’t sure if they heard me but they didn’t need me anyway. With my briefcase in hand I pulled my laptop out and checked my e-mails. I could hear the soft beat of music as the set up crew tested the sound. Looking at the clock I saw that it was already 8 o’clock and the guests would be arriving soon. I smacked my laptop shut as I was enveloped by regret. The picture of her riding that blonde guy from a few nights back was on replay in my mind. It pissed me off that it was him that brought her to pure ecstasy and not me. I walked into the shower and turned the knob to the hottest point as steam filled the large bathroom and the mirrors fogged. I got nervous thinking about how I would execute my plan and wondered what happened if I’d read her all wrong.

As the hot water ran down my body, I held on to the wall in front of me, maybe for support. I felt like I was falling for this girl and that meant that I was losing control. Control was the one thing that kept my anxieties in check these last two years. Thinking of Vicky’s dark green eyes and her small body made my dick hard again. I knew with everything that would be going on in my house that night I should release myself then and not heighten my torture later. I usually didn’t masturbate that often but I felt the need for a second release. I began to rub my hand over my cock. I picked up pace and tightened my hold as I thought of how good she would feel coming around it. My thoughts pushed me over the edge as warm semen spurted out of me, causing my body to tense. I wish I could say that I felt relief after coming but I didn’t, it wasn’t enough. I picked up the bottle of body wash and lathered up my hands and washed my body. Then I stepped out of the shower and put on a white tank top and boxer briefs. Most men are shirtless at the parties, but I didn’t need people gaping at the bullet wound in my stomach and wondering what the hell happened to me. I raked my fingers through my wet hair and walked out of the master suite toward the same spot I took up last time, watching the crowd from the second floor.

Chapter 17

Vicky

I walk through the front door of Luc’s apartment and right away I spot some familiar faces from a few nights back. I didn’t need to wear a jacket tonight, so the only thing I pass the coat check is my dress. I walk over to the bar and take a flute of champagne. Everyone seems to be involved in conversation or busy one way or another. I spot Luc speaking with a tall redhead at the top of the stairs. Her arm is sitting on his shoulder and he isn’t flinching. Two can play this game asshole, I think to myself as I take the stairs a little too quickly in my Jimmy Choos. As I pass by Luc, he moves in to place a hot kiss on her lips. The woman is tall with pale skin and large breasts. She was wearing a rose-colored lace bra and panties that leave little to the imagination. Hot burning jealousy claws its way up my throat and I know it must be the effects of too many rums and Cokes. I couldn’t be this upset from seeing Luc with another woman. I just couldn’t. I fucked another guy in front of him not that long ago. My feelings for him couldn’t have deepened this quickly. It’s impossible.

As I made my way into the first bedroom, I had one thing on my mind and that was to find the first willing handsome guy and fuck him, while fucking Luc right out of my system. As I entered the first room, I noticed that things had been set up a little differently tonight. There was a blue fluorescent light that made my skin glow blue. Along with the addictive R&B beat in the background, my blood was burning hot watching the seductive positions taking place in the room. Off to the left a man had pressed a woman against the wall, while her legs wrapped around his waist. He was pumping into her hard, rubbing her back against the wall. On the large bed was another couple. The woman’s long blonde hair splayed across the bed as she lay on her back spread eagle. In between her legs was a muscular man with dark hair. On the other side of the room were two men and two women carrying on conversation while drinking champagne. I didn’t know if they were couples or just mingling. As I was getting ready to turn out of the room, one of the men turned his head and called out to me, “Hey, come on over.”

I stopped mid-stride and walked over to the group, who checked me out with appraising gazes as I made my way over to them. “Hey, I’m Tyler.” The man that had invited me over extended his hand. “This is Trish and Tina and that’s Denver.”

“Hi, I’m Piper,” I said, extending my hand. I had never lied about my name before but after what happened with Scott Wellington yesterday, I knew I had to be careful, especially since Bryce was not hiding the fact I was his daughter. I didn’t want to do anything to disgrace him. The group was talking about favorite sexual positions and I joined right in offering my own preferences. I noticed from the corner of my eye that Tyler had a hard time keeping his eyes from roaming my body. I didn’t mind the attention. He was tall and slender with wide shoulders. His hair was light brown and ruffled and his eyes were a beautiful hazel that meshed well with his mocha colored skin. Had Luc not seeped into every aspect of my being, I would have been more than excited to enjoy him.

“Would you like to try some of those positions?” Tyler leaned into my ear whispering.

I looked around the room; I was searching for Luc. Who was I kidding? “Yeah, sure,” I replied.

Suddenly Luc walked into the room holding the redhead's hand. He was making contact with her. He was touching her and not freaking out. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he lowered her onto the side of the bed pressing his firm body into her.

“Come.” I took Tyler by the hand and quickly wrapped my arms around his neck then I gave him a hot kiss that I knew surprised him when his eyes widened round. He wasn’t taken too aback though because his hands quickly wrapped around my waist while his tongue swirled with mine. I opened my eyes slightly to see the redhead clawing at Luc’s back. That caused my blood to boil. I pushed Tyler back and as the back of his knees connected with the bed he fell back on the bed and I fell on top of him. Both of us began to laugh and that caught Luc’s attention as he opened his eyes and watched as Tyler took my behind in a firm grasp, pushing me into his very erect cock. This didn’t faze Luc though or at least he didn’t show it. I knew that he was trained to put up a wall and so I wasn’t convinced. As I ran my hands up Tyler’s back, Tyler dipped his fingers between my legs and dammit I was wet. I didn’t even understand how. I was raging anger and lust balled up into one hot mess.

Suddenly the redhead began to moan loudly and it sounded like Luc might be fucking her. The thought drove me crazy, now I felt more than enraged. I felt like I could rip her eyes out. I couldn’t even focus on Tyler anymore. I knew I was still drunk but this was bullshit. I began to shove Tyler in the chest so he would get off of me. “Hey, is everything okay?” he asked, creasing his forehead. I didn’t blame him for the misunderstanding. One moment I had been a willing participant and the next I was shoving him off me like a crazed woman.

“I’m fine, I’m sorry I need to go,” I said, lifting off the bed and rushing out of the bedroom. Damn Luc if he was having sex with that woman. I was seething jealousy but more than that, I felt hurt. I cared for Luc. I wanted his attention to only be on me. As the thoughts of how much I cared for him bombarded my mind. I realized that I did this. I pushed him away even though he was kind, open, and caring. I pushed him into this. He hadn’t slept with a woman for two years and now he was going to fuck some slutty redhead. Tears began to swell in my eyes as I ran out of the room and into the main hallway on the second floor. I felt as if I could barely catch my breath. I wondered if I had pushed Luc far enough that any chance we had would now be over.

“I thought I would find you here,” a low deep smarmy voice said from behind me. I picked up my head and turned around feeling like the earth was dropping out from under me. He was here and I was in trouble. He slowly made his way over to me. “You look a little flustered, Vicky. Everything okay?” he asked, but there was no conviction behind the question, he didn’t care. I couldn’t respond. The fear was quickly sobering me up but I knew I had to think quickly.

“So you got that boyfriend of yours to destroy my tapes? Well, don’t worry, sweetheart, I have back up…that is unless….” he drifted off.

“What Scott? What do you want from me?” I asked, trying to keep my frantic feelings at bay and put up a strong front.

“You know what I want, Vicky…we could be so good together… I would love to bring you to bed again. I heard there are some fun toys in room three…how about we go check it out…” he said, taking my arm into a tight grip.

“Why me Scott?” I ask persistently, hoping to buy time.

“Because I like to break people, Vicky, and you remind me of sweet retribution…that is what the BDSM world is about. Breaking you and making you feel pain. And you, Jenny, break like I’ve never seen before. Your willingness to let me beat you until you were bleeding, the way you threw up on my bed, Jenny, you don’t know what it did to me,” he responded and I was completely baffled how he went from calling me Vicky to calling me Jenny. Who the hell was Jenny and what had she done to this man to make him want to hurt women this way? This place was crawling with people. I could scream for help and they would all come running to my assistance but how would that stop this scumbag from selling the sex video? Or even worse, he could show it to Bryce.

A moment later, Luc came barreling out of the room and the redhead followed him out, only she looked irritated as she made her way down the long staircase not even saying good-bye to him. Luc hadn’t seen me standing off to the side and he stood and watched as the redhead walked away from him without a good-bye or thank you. I wondered if he went through with fucking her. The thought sent bile into my throat.

Luc’s eyes roamed up and down the hallway… was he looking for me? Would he notice Scott taking me, in time?

With my arm firmly in Scott’s grasp, he guided me into the last bedroom. I was unable to turn around and see if Luc noticed him taking me, or if he was still watching the damn redhead descend the staircase. Scott guided me into the third room. It had red lighting and people using floggers and some other toys. I guess this was a lighter version of his red room.

“To the bed,” he ordered, releasing my arm. I walked over to the bed as my heart sped rapidly in my chest. There were two other couples in the room. Clearly he couldn’t beat the shit out of me with them here. One of the couples was a woman dominant ordering a man around and the other was a man ordering a woman to bark at his feet.

“Lie back, Jenny, now,” Scott ordered, pulling me from my daze. He had clearly lost it. Maybe he was having some illusion that I was somebody else; somebody that he wanted to rip apart and maim. Visions of being bound in shackles while he beat me plagued my mind and I tried to focus on the present. He walked over to a side table and picked up a pair of handcuffs and a condom. I felt sweat breaking out on my skin. It was too hot in here; I couldn’t breath. I wanted to run and hide but I knew I couldn’t. I remembered his face contorting to something evil as he fucked my ass. I remembered how hard it was to go to the washroom for weeks, how scary a life necessity became for me.

“I’m glad you’ve decided to obey, Jenny, you’re a stupid cunt for screwing me over,” he smiled with that same devilish spark in his dark eyes. He placed the handcuffs over my wrists and suddenly I was plummeted back in time two years. Lost in a pool of pain. I wanted to die. I wished he would put me out of my misery. I remembered rushing home to Mama broken and battered, only to find out that she had died before I could make it back to her. Tears squirted out of my eyes as I relived the pain of not being able to say good-bye. I was drowning in the past that I didn’t even know what was happening now in the present. I sobbed silently and then I was brought back to the present by a SMACK. Only it was not as bad as I thought. With my face pressed into the mattress he whipped me again. SMACK. The flogger doesn’t have the same bite as I remembered the cane. I tried to breathe, only my chest felt too tight. Maybe he was going easy on me because there were people in the room. Every nerve ending was on standby to run as the flogger made contact with my back again. SMACK. My heart rate was erratic. I needed to flee; I needed to get away from this mad man. Only fear had me frozen in my spot. Then SMACK. This was too much. I knew he wasn’t drawing blood but it was still painful now that he was hitting the same spot over and over. The sound of the flogger making contact with my skin pushed me into the deep hole I was in two years ago. I was spiraling, falling….

“You motherfucker, step away from her,” I heard Luc’s voice, but I didn’t know if I was dreaming. Maybe I was dreaming that he would save me again. He was my knight in shining armor. He had been watching over me since I came to New York and I pushed him away. Now loud sobs were coming from me, I was pretty sure I could hear them. With my face still buried in the mattress it was hard to breathe but I still couldn’t move.

“You think you are a big man LeBaum?” I could hear Scott’s voice goading Luc.

“You don’t want to fuck with me, Scott. Right now, I will take care of Vicky…” he said, then I felt strong hands pick me up and turn me over. It was Luc. He was here. I wasn’t imagining it. His green eyes looked pained and full of emotion. I still had a hard time breathing as warm tears ran down my cheeks. Luc released my hands from the cuffs.

“One minute, Vicky, I need to get rid of him,” he whispered to me softly. I heard him but I was too worked up to give an answer.

Luc left me sitting on the bed shaking like a leaf as he turned his attention back to Scott.

He stalked over to him and held him with one hand by the neck. Scott’s face was a burning inferno. “If you fuck with me or Vicky ever again, I will torture you and stuff you in a body bag before throwing you off the Brooklyn Bridge. And if you so much as leak even a second of any video of Vicky, I will track you down and kill you with my own hands. Am I clear?” he asked with his thick choppy accent.

Scott's face reddened as he used his hands to try and unclasp the grip Luc had on him with only one hand. I never thought that Luc was dark and dangerous, but listening to him threaten Scott who was a tall and a built man himself, I knew that not even he would be a match for Luc’s strength. A mix of pride and worry burst through my anxious state. I was glad to have Luc on my side, even though I realized that he was the trained killer he warned me about.

In that moment, a rush of people entered the room and turned the lights on. A man wearing a suit came up behind Luc and pulled him off of Scott. Scott fell forward gasping for air. Good asshole, now you know what it feels like.

Luc shrugged the other large guy off him. “Mr. Lebaum, what is the problem?” the man in the suit asked.

“I would like this man removed from my home. I don’t think he should be allowed to attend future parties. I will make a report later,” Luc ordered the other man. He must be in charge or something. Luc walked back over to the bed. “Vicky, I need to make sure he’s leaving and then I will come back for you,” he said, gently running his thumb across my cheek and swiping away my tears. I nodded my head. I couldn’t speak.

“Nevermind, LeBaum, I’m leaving…” Scott huffed, picking himself up and walking out of the bedroom.

“I got this…” the big man in the suit said. “You take care of the lady. Ma’am, if you would like to file a report let me know. I organize the parties and I don’t put up with anyone that exhibits foul behavior,” he said nodding his head.

“I got this, Big Key, just make sure the asshole leaves,” Luc responded with his choppy accent. He was more than angry. A small group gathered at the door of the bedroom, followed by random people walking up to me and asking me if I was all right. One of the girls brought me a glass of cold water from the bathroom and I sipped it slowly.

With one swift movement, Luc lifted me in his strong arms as he walked me effortlessly toward the master bedroom. Once inside the bedroom, he kicked the door shut as he walked over to his bed and lay down against the headboard while cradling me in his arms. I buried my head on his chest, taking in his scent. He rubbed my back. “Are you okay, Vicky? What did he do to you?” his voice was soft and soothing but I couldn’t answer him. He didn’t push for an answer. He just continued to rub my back. My earlier panic subsided and I was left feeling spent and defeated. What if Luc hadn’t come to me in time, that asshole would have raped me again, while I lay there completely useless to myself.

The thought scared me, as the errors in my ways bombarded me with a vengeance. Feeling safe in Luc’s arms, I allowed my eyes to close. I still had questions for him and a part of me was angry with him, but for now I felt too weak to deal with anything. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

***

I awoke on a large bed. The room was dimmed except for a table lamp that was lit on the opposite side of the bed. Luc was lying on a heap of pillows with his laptop open on his lap. I lay with my eyes open for a few moments watching him. He was such a contradiction of a man. His badass side that just came out because of Scott was seriously scary, but the way he took me into those strong arms and was so gentle with me, it made my chest feel warm. I could probably lie here and stare at him for a long time; in his thick arms and wide chest.

“Are you working?” I asked, letting him know I was awake. Whatever he was working on had him in deep thought.

“You’re awake.” He smiled placing his laptop on the side table. “Are you okay?”

I nodded.

“Can you talk about it? What did he do to you?” he asked, raking his fingers through his hair. His hair was wet and he was wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of loose grey pajama pants.

“I’m okay, I’m grateful you walked in when you did….I panicked….” I admitted even though it was hard to.

“Don’t be grateful, it was my fault he even got to you,” he answered, throwing me off.

“It wasn’t your fault…even though I didn’t like the game you were playing,” I admitted, feeling my cheeks flush. It was hard to open up in general but something about Luc made things a little easier. “Did you sleep with her?” I asked, even though I would rather plug my ears and not hear the answer. The thought of him sleeping with anyone else but me burned.

His green eyes went wide and he looked startled. He flinched into a seated position. “No Vicky, I didn’t sleep with her. I had no intention of sleeping with her,” he answered with irritation in his tone.

“I heard her moaning, you must have been touching her or fucking her…” I said as my chest clenched tight. The visual of him with another woman was disturbing. It threw my mind back to the day that Jamie was pounding into that bitch against a truck in his father’s mechanic shop. I could never be with someone that was unfaithful.

“I didn’t fuck her, I am not lying…when I put her on the bed she was clawing at my back and rubbing herself against me but we were fully clothed. I didn’t touch her, I only kissed her and I hated every minute my lips connected to her. I did it to piss you off. It was stupid I know. I just got tired of you closing down while I opened up.”

“I know….I realize that now….”

“What do you mean, Vicky?”

“I didn’t understand my own feelings, it’s been awhile since I have felt anything at all. I came to these parties to numb myself, to drift away into oblivion not to restart my heart. I’ve been burned badly in my past. I guess it’s hard for me to trust not only another man but also myself. I’ve made bad choices that have led to many regrets, one being going home with Scott Wellington. The night he raped me Luc, my mother died. She died and instead of being by her bedside saying good-bye I made a choice that cost me more than I understood at the time. It wasn’t only my ex-Jamie that screwed me over. I felt responsible for what Scott did to me. I felt like I asked for it, and then I couldn’t take what he dished out. Then I lost my mother and my heart went cold. I knew deep down that you were my undoing and I tried to be a bitch. I tried to remain closed because I knew I had to keep my sanity intact. I am falling for you, Luc, and I didn’t understand that until I saw you with another woman. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it one bit.”

Luc moved in closer to me now, so that he’s lying beside me on his side facing me, his hand slowly caressed my arm. “I didn’t like to see you with another guy either. That’s why I followed you into that room. I needed to know what you were doing, only I didn’t have the guts to stop you….then you stormed off and I tried to pull away from the redhead, but she kept on pulling me back to her and rubbing her…” I put up my hand to stop him from speaking; I didn’t want to hear it.

“Sorry,” he said with a shy smile. It made me laugh out loud.

“What’s so funny?” he asked with a silly grin.

“You, Luc, you’re such a contradiction to me…you are this big massive guy. You're strong and powerful and honestly, I think you almost made Scott Wellington pee himself. You are one scary dude. When you said you were raised mafia, I didn’t get it until I saw you threaten Scott. Holy shit, you were fucking scary. I was glad you were on my side,” I giggled.

“I want to always be by your side,” he said, caressing my cheek with the back of his hand. He was like a gentle giant.

“That’s what makes me laugh, Luc. How you can go from scary mafia to soft caring man in less than ten minutes.”

“It’s who I am, Vicky. I was raised to have power. I was raised to control things and garner respect. I never wanted that life, but I know how to use it if need be. If it means I can protect you, then at least I know it wasn’t for nothing. I always want to protect you.”

“I’m broken, Luc, I don’t know what I have to offer you,” I admitted sadly.

“I am a broken man too, Vicky, and I don’t know what I can offer you, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting you.” he said, as he slowly caressed my hair, then my cheek. Then his fingers moved over my lips as if he was tracing my face. “You are so beautiful. Please let me in,” he said with a deep raspy voice.

“I want to, Luc, but you may not like what you see once I do.” It hurt to admit the truth.

“That’s for me to decide,” he said, looking me square in the eyes, it almost sounded like a challenge. “Even though the truth is you may not like what you see once I reveal my truths. I’m a monster. I’m not good for you. I just can’t help myself. I can’t stay away from you,” he said with deep conviction. He really believed it. I don’t understand, he’d been watching out for my wellbeing since the first night we met. Those are not the actions of a monster.

“Explain it to me, Luc, I want to understand. You’ve been kind to me since the moment I met you,” I said as my shoulders deflated.

“I’m no good. I was trying to spare you, but you keep on getting yourself into trouble and I can’t walk away knowing that you do that.”

“I don’t want to be spared. Trust me, I’m a tough girl, I can handle whatever it is you need to say. I don’t know what it is but when I look at you, when I see the sadness in your eyes, the fact that you are alone…I feel the same way… I have no family. I’m alone like you… I’m drawn to you….” I confessed as my desperation for him skyrocketed. I wanted him so badly it hurt.

“I know…” he answered, gazing at me with heated eyes. “I’m drawn to you too…but I don’t know what to do with it, Vicky…you need to understand that I am not a good person. I’ve done bad things….me and you…we aren’t the same. Whatever has made you sad is not something bad that you’ve done. I’ve hurt people. I’m a dangerous man,” he admitted, shaking his head. “I’m sorry I’m giving you mixed signals here.” He got off the bed and walked over to his closet. A moment later he stepped out with a large white t-shirt. “Here put this on,” he said passing it to me. “If we are going to talk, I can’t have you half naked beside me,” he grinned softly.

Watching him contemplate his next words, I realized what an intense man he was. Everything about him was puzzling and contradictory. How could he be bad when he was so good? Even his looks were an enigma. He was big and strong, and tough and rugged on the outside, but inside was something else. He was broken and soft, despite his rough around the edges demeanor.

Luc’s sad green eyes flicked up to mine as he lay back down beside me on the bed. “The fact that we are alone in here makes me nervous,” he admitted with a boyish grin.

“Why? I don’t understand when you say stuff like that. You’ve said you are experienced with women…” I began to say when he cut me off.

“It’s not because I am nervous because I don’t know what to do with you sexually…” he laughed. “Trust me, Vicky, I know I am good in bed,” he said lifting up a hand. His words caused a burst of lust to surge through my body.

“What is it, Luc? I want to understand.”

“I know,” he nodded, looking like he was collecting his thoughts or maybe garnering the courage to speak. “I told you that my family is involved in organized crime. It wasn’t easy for me to leave the family. My father wanted me to take over one day. I was his eldest son,” he paused but I didn’t say anything; I didn’t want to interrupt. He was finally talking. “When I left France I went to Canada, Toronto… a large city there…” he explained but I still don’t speak, even though I know what Toronto is and I’d been there.

“I met a girl, I fell in love with her. I lied to her about who I really was and why I was in Canada. She was a law student and she grew up with an alcoholic for a mother and no father. She was verbally and physically abused her whole life. I found a connection with her and we fell in love and got married. Only it wasn’t so simple, she had no clue that my family was mafia. She got pregnant and I didn’t want to abandon her, like everyone else in her life had. So I married her, without telling her that I was running illegal gambling sites, high stakes poker games, or any other dirty work my father had me do for him,” he paused and turned his head. Our eyes met. I could drown in those eyes, although hearing that his ex-wife was pregnant made my stomach sink for some reason. He was gauging my reaction so far. I bet he was wondering when I would run out the door. I understood that it was hard for him to look at me when he was speaking. He turned his head back down, so that his eyes were focused on his stomach as he lay beside me.

“Go on Luc, it’s okay, I want to hear your story,” I said, urging him forward. Nothing he had said so far seemed horrific. It sounded like his father forced him into a life he never wanted and wouldn’t let him escape. He was clearly ashamed of his position. His story made me sad because he’d been feeling alone a lot longer than I had. It made my heart hurt for him.

“My father framed me into doing a large money transfer for him. He was mad at me for wanting to leave the family. To him it was an issue of respect and worrying that other crime families would view my defection as weakness. My father informed me that CSIS and Interpol were following me, and that’s when I broke down. I started drinking heavily and became a real asshole to my wife. Then I was arrested and my cellmate gave me cocaine, which I took willingly,” he explained. I could see how torn up he was over this. It was really hard for him to talk about and a part of me felt guilty that I was making him relive all these bad parts of his life, but I hoped that maybe opening up to me would make him feel better too. He had probably had all his feelings over this bottled up for too long.

“I want to hear everything, Luc.” Maybe I should be scared of him, his family sounded hard core, but he’s just a broken man and I’m just a broken girl.

“Okay…I couldn’t handle the jail cell, I had suffered from claustrophobia since I was a teenager, it developed when my father locked me up in a hole in the ground in one of his warehouses,” he said, causing me to gasp.

“Oh, Luc, I’m so sorry for the things that you have been through,” I said, wanting to hug him, console him, but I know I shouldn’t if I wanted him to talk more. He seemed to want to run away from contact and I didn’t want to push him.

“When I was released on bail, I went out to a bar to drink and I took more cocaine. I knew at that point my wife knew the truth about me and I had to look her in the face and own up to my lies. Only I was a coward, I was scared she would leave me. I found drinking and drugs as a way to cover the pain of loss.” He took in a large inhale and let it out. Still not looking my way. I rubbed his back with my hand and he didn’t flinch. “I beat the shit out of my wife…I put her in the hospital… I almost killed her and I killed the baby growing inside her…. And the worst part is, I don’t remember a thing. I didn’t understand why she wasn’t coming home or why there was blood in our apartment when I finally made it home.” As he said the words, his unshed tears began to fall and I understood why he had been blocking himself off from relationships and women. I felt frozen at the last part of his story, he almost killed a woman, maybe he was dangerous….I pulled my hand away from his back.