Текст книги "Truce"
Автор книги: R. L. Mathewson
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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
Chapter 18
Exhausted and not sure that his legs would hold him any longer, he fell back in the chair, taking her with him. He held her with one arm. With the other he reached back and opened a window to erase the scent of their lovemaking.
He leaned his head back while Elizabeth buried her face against his neck, clutching his shirt tightly in her small fists, both of them panting hard. It was several minutes before either one of them could move or talk.
Robert squeezed his eyes shut and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He’d messed up again. Never before had he ever been tempted to finish in a woman. Hell, he’d never been in a woman without using a sheath and pulling out to guarantee no children. This was the third time he’d been inside of Elizabeth without taking any precautions.
It had been five weeks since that night in the orangery. Was she carrying his child? Would she have told him? He squeezed his eyes tighter as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. As much as he’d like to avoid this topic, he had to know. Elizabeth was a smart woman. If she were carrying their child, she would have told him. Surely she would have. Even if she hated him, she would tell him, wouldn’t she? Before anger could surface he shoved it down.
He had to at least ask even if he already knew the answer. She wasn’t carrying his child. This time probably wouldn’t be enough to get her with child either. This had been a mistake, a pleasurable one, but a mistake nonetheless. It would not, could not, happen again. He was leaving the country soon and she was heading for an estate somewhere up north. After this they would probably never see each other again. His arms tightened around her at the thought.
---
Elizabeth inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. She wanted to remember him this way, the way he held her, the way he touched her, the way he looked at her like she was the most precious thing on earth. All those childhood memories didn’t matter any longer. She needed to remember the man that had held her tightly and kissed her tenderly in the orangery.
When their child asked about his father, she wanted to be able to tell him kind things. Their child? She sobbed softly in the crook of his neck before she could stop herself. When had she finally accepted that she was pregnant?
She needed to tell him, she realized, but how? They’d made love, but she knew that men were able to have sex without their hearts being involved. She also knew without question that Robert hated her. She’d always known that and these foolish mistakes didn’t change anything. She also knew that he’d hate her more when she told him, because he would do the right thing.
No matter what kind of mean little boy he’d been, he was without question an honorable man now. He would marry her and, for the rest of their lives, he would resent her for trapping him in a loveless marriage. She’d be forced to live with a man that she cared deeply about and know that she’d stolen his freedom, his choice. She would hate herself. She just needed some time to figure this out.
If only she could determine how he felt about her and, if she discovered that he did truly hate her, then she would do what she had to in order to protect their child. She would tell him and live with the consequences of a loveless marriage. She just needed a little time to figure out how to tell him. She should tell him now, she realized that, but she was just…..
She was scared, terrified really.
What if Robert couldn’t force himself to do the right thing? What if his hatred for her was too strong? What if she couldn’t go through with marrying a man who didn’t love her? There were too many “ifs” in this situation and it made her wish that she had someone that she could confide in, but there was no one.
Her mother would have a fit. She’d most likely turn her back on her for bringing shame to their family. She was ruined, unwed and pregnant. Her mother would tell her father, who would either shoot Robert or force him to marry her and that was not the way that she wanted this handled. She was sorely tempted to go to Mary at once and tell her, but that would end in the same tragic manner. Only it would probably be Anthony that shot Robert and not her father.
Perhaps it would be best to think this through and to be sure that she was carrying a child. She’d never been pregnant before and had no idea of what to expect. There was no one to ask. That last thought turned her stomach. Realizing they were still intimately connected, she carefully climbed off him. He seemed hesitant to release her, but did after a slight pause.
Without a word they both stood and fixed their clothes. Robert ran his fingers through his hair, trying to fix it even though he’d rather keep it the way it was as a reminder of having her in his arms once again.
Elizabeth cleared her throat. “I should go upstairs and freshen up before tea.”
Robert met her eyes briefly before looking away. “Elizabeth?”
“Yes?” She didn’t look up from straightening her skirts, too afraid that she’d break down and tell him before she was ready.
In a quiet, rough voice he asked, “Have your courses come since the night of the orangery.”
Intense heat flooded her cheeks. She turned away from him not in embarrassment surprisingly, but fear. If he found out, what would he do? She just stopped herself from laying her hand across her stomach. He’d taken her virginity and it was his child in her womb. Technically she now belonged to him, she realized. Fury rose up in her at the idea. She would not belong to him or any other man, she decided rebelliously. She refused to be some man’s property, having to ask and beg for everything. She didn’t want to be married to a man who didn’t love her even if she loved him.
“That’s a vulgar question even for you,” she said crossly, avoiding answering the question the only way she knew how.
Robert’s eyes narrowed on her. She’d avoided answering the question the same way she had when they were children and she was caught doing something mischievous. But that was ridiculous. If she were pregnant she would tell him. She was a smart woman. She knew the consequences of having a child out of wedlock. She would be shunned and the child would carry the burden of the shame for the rest of his life. Unless….
His gaze shot to the closed door. Was she planning on marrying James to give his child a father? He ground his teeth until the muscles in his jaw burned under the pressure.
“Are you carrying my child?” he bit out, deciding to end whatever game she was playing.
“No.” I’m carrying my child, she thought as she tried to get a rein on the rebellious emotions clamoring for control inside of her. It was the only way she could lie. Everyone knew that she was a terrible liar, sometimes though she was able to lie if she thought about the answer in a different way. As much as she hated the idea of marrying for anything less than love, she also hated the idea of trapping him. She cared about him too much to do that and she didn’t want to hurt him. She just needed some time to figure out how to tell him without him hating her. One thing was clear, she needed to leave before anyone else figured out that she was pregnant and took the decision on how to tell him out of her hands.
Robert studied her expression for a moment longer. She was a bad liar, he remembered that much. He was hoping he would be able to tell, but he couldn’t. He sighed heavily. “Listen, we…..I didn’t do what I should have and there may be…” he took a deep breath before continuing. “There may be a child as a result of what we did today. In a month’s time we should know.”
Her eyes widened in horror. “I won’t be here, Robert. I’m leaving by the end of the week.”
He shook his head. “No, you’re staying until we know for sure.” He gestured back to the desk. “And we most certainly will not be doing this again.” It sounded like the last part pained him, but she had to agree that it was probably for the best.
Elizabeth placed her hands firmly on her hips. “No, I am leaving. If something happens because of this, I will write you,” she said, realizing that it was the cowardly way to handle this and that was fine with her. She’d rather not be there to see the horror in his eyes when he learned that he was trapped with her for life.
“No. You’re staying,” he said firmly. He didn’t trust her to contact him for some reason that he couldn't quite put his finger on. Also, he wasn’t ready for her to leave, not yet.
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before continuing. “Robert, I am going. I have been waiting for weeks to go and I refuse to put this off any longer.”
“You’ll stay,” he ordered. “Besides, it doesn’t seem as though your father is going to allow you to leave anytime soon. Seems he has plans for you,” he snapped, anger once again rising at the thought of her marrying James.
“You don’t have the right to tell me what to do!”
He took a menacing step towards her. “You will stay!”
“I’m leaving!” she yelled.
“The hell you are! You will stay until we get this whole mess settled. Once that is done, you can stay the hell away from my family!” He took another step until they were mere inches apart. She pressed her hands flat against his chest and shoved him, but he didn’t budge.
“I will go near whomever I wish and it is none of your concern who I marry. If I chose to marry James, that will be none of your business either!” She had absolutely no plans on marrying James, but that seemed the best thing to throw in his face at the moment.
He glared down at her. Perhaps she’d gone too far because at the moment she was pretty sure that he was seeing red.
“You will never marry my brother,” he said in a low harsh tone. “If you even try, I will make sure everyone knows who had you first. I’ll tell them how you took me in your body and in your mo-”
She cut him off with a hard slap across his face. The sound seemed intense in the otherwise quiet library. This time when she shoved him back he moved.
“I hate you!” she ground out between clenched teeth as she wiped frantically at the tears streaming down her cheeks. She shoved her hand in her pocket and pulled out his knife. She threw it out the open window before he could take it from her. “Stay away from me or so help me God, I will make you pay,” she choked out before she ran from the room.
She pressed a hand to her stomach, pleading with it to calm down long enough for her to reach her room as she ran upstairs, ignoring the servants’ curious glances as she past them. No sooner was she in her room than she lost the battle with her stomach. She raced across the room, past Jane, who was hanging a dress, and grabbed the chamber pot. She lost the contents of her stomach once again, not able to stop herself and knowing as she did it that the servant in her room might very well seal her fate.
Chapter 19
Robert picked up the ledgers off the floor and tossed them onto the desk. He shoved his hands through his hair, wishing that he was punching someone, anyone.
He couldn’t stand this. The one woman in the world that he shouldn’t want was the one woman he was discovering that he couldn’t live without. She was becoming an obsession for him and he was powerless to do anything about it.
Even a half hour later he was having a difficult time believing that a part of him had hoped that she was going to tell him that she was carrying his child. When he’d discovered that she wasn’t pregnant, he felt like part of him died over a child that had never been.
For the past eight years he’d lived his life according to a plan, and so far everything was going smoothly. This time was meant for him to build up his estate and investments so that he could do what he loved for the rest of his life. He should be relieved that she wasn’t interfering with his plans instead of standing here fuming.
What he needed was to take a mistress. He needed someone that wouldn’t interfere with his life and was there when he needed relief. That’s what he wanted, someone that wouldn’t make him lose his control. Hell, he didn’t care if she was pretty as long as she had a warm body and knew her place. He would talk to his brother later to see who was available.
He ignored the sudden clenching of his stomach at the thought of being with another woman. This was how it was. Men of his station kept lovers and mistresses. Even his father kept mistresses and he cared about his wife. Every man he knew did this. It was time he did as well.
With that settled, he sat back down at the desk, hating himself because he knew that he could never do it. What was wrong with him? There was really no need to wonder why he couldn’t go through with it. It only made his anguish worse.
A light scratch at the door tore him from his inner turmoil. “Enter,” he snapped.
Marie, his mother’s maid, stepped inside and immediately closed the door behind her. She walked into the room, fidgeting with her fingers and looking around nervously.
“What is it?” he forced himself to ask politely. Scaring this woman off would not be smart. His mother kept this woman around for her ability to gather gossip. She was the best. There wasn't anything she couldn’t find out, which was why Robert had been paying her a hefty sum for the past month to come straight to him with everything concerning Elizabeth.
For the past month he’d learned about all the men Elizabeth met with and what she did when she left the house. He also learned one rather interesting piece of information; Elizabeth had been dismissing her maid in the mornings for the past two weeks. At first he thought she knew that he was in bed with her and was trying to protect her reputation, but she never gave any indication until this morning that she was aware of his nightly visits. It still puzzled him.
“Sir, I have something that I thought you may find interesting,” she said with another nervous look at the door and then one at the open window. “If you wouldn’t mind, sir, it might be best to close that window.”
He closed the window, forcing himself to remain patient. She was nervous and he didn’t want to frighten her off. He gestured to the chair in front of the desk, but she remained standing.
“What is it, Marie?” he asked.
She licked her lips nervously. “Remember you said if I brought you something really important, you would give me an extra shilling,” she reminded him, smart.
“Yes, is this something worth an extra shilling?” His voice was cool and calm.
“Oh, I believe it is, sir.” Again, she shot another look back at the door.
He sighed inwardly as he pulled the coin out of his pocket and handed it to her, hoping it would move this along. She took it and smiled briefly before putting it away.
“Well?” he asked, feeling his patience once again leaving him.
She cleared her throat delicately, clearly preparing for the moment. He cocked an eyebrow, silently telling her that this drama was unnecessary. Smart girl picked up on it.
“Lady Elizabeth has been sleeping in later than normal,” she announced with flourish.
That was what he paid a shilling for? “That is the important news you wished to tell me? Clearly you and I are of a different opinion on importance, my dear.”
She shook her head. “That is why she dismissed Jane in the morning.”
He glared at her. She licked her lips nervously before continuing. “She also no longer drinks her tea in the morning. Actually, she places it untouched outside her door, except for this morning.” His scowl deepened. “Also, during tea she sits far away from the tea and asks for lemonade.”
Robert waved an impatient hand for her to continue, hoping that this was leading somewhere. “Her appetite is also gone. She only picks at her food now.”
He hadn’t missed that over the past two weeks. The few times they ate together in the past she’d had a healthy appetite, but in the one or two times he saw in her in the dining room these past two weeks she was pushing her food around on her plate. Was she unhappy? Sick? Upset about something? Was it possible she was so preoccupied thinking about him that she was having a difficult time like he was?
That was too much to hope for.
“Anything else?” he asked, kicking himself for being taken in by a servant. Normally he was smart when it came to money and didn’t part with it easily.
She nodded, clearly biting back a smile as she said, “Lady Elizabeth has been ill for the past two weeks.”
He froze. Surely she wasn’t…..
“And she missed her courses.”
Every muscle in his body froze. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, sir. I had to give Jane, her maid, a shilling not to tell anyone but me.” She quietly cleared her throat. Robert automatically pulled out the coin and handed it to her. “Also, not too long ago Lady Elizabeth ran into her room and became ill.”
His hands gripped the edge of the desk tightly until his knuckles turned white. “Is she…..do you think that…..”
Marie nodded. “She is most certainly with child, sir.”
---
"It's so nice to have both of you for tea," Lady Norwood said to James and Lord Dumford.
"Thank you, my Lady," James said pleasantly while Lord Dumford looked decidedly unhappy about the younger man's intrusion. It was clear to Elizabeth at least that the man came today with the intention of once again asking for her hand.
After the incident in her study, not to mention her queasy stomach, she was in no mood to deal with Lord Dumford and his proposal that would no doubt consist of a half hour sermon on God and her place to take a husband. Turning him away unfortunately was not an option if she wanted to keep her mother happy. Knowing that she was too lightheaded to do anything more than nod, she decided the only option she had was to invite him to tea where she found James already waiting for her.
"Lady Elizabeth, I was wondering if perhaps you would do me the honor of a walk in the garden?" James asked.
Elizabeth had to stop herself from groaning. She’d been hoping to avoid this for as long as possible. When she was a little girl, nothing on earth would have made her happier than the prospect of marrying James. The conversation she overheard in the library hadn't affected her decision in the slightest. She could never marry James.
Not when she was desperately in love with Robert.
"Ah, Lady Elizabeth, I believe you promised me a walk in the garden," Lord Dumford pointed out almost desperately.
Did the man actually think that she would say yes to the first man who asked? She had absolutely no intention of saying yes to either man. In fact, if she could manage it, she would very much like to sit perfectly still where she was since both her head and stomach were currently spinning.
"May I have another cup, dear?" her father asked, looking quite pleased with himself.
"For me as well," Lord Norwood said, also looking rather pleased. No doubt both men were here to witness what they thought was going to be an announcement that would lead to the joining of their families. Since everyone was well aware of her childhood infatuation with James, they probably thought she would happily accept his offer.
Even knowing that she was about to disappoint everyone in the room couldn’t deter her from her decision. She would say no to both men. Her mother would argue for her to accept one of the men since they were both her top choices, but she would most likely push for Elizabeth to accept James' proposal the most. Her father would argue, plead and then demand that she marry James. James’ parents would unintentionally make her feel guilty because she loved them. She knew how happy it would make everyone if this match was made, officially connecting their families, but she couldn't do it.
She couldn't marry a man she didn't love and she couldn't marry the man she did love. Robert might be able to tolerate her somewhat right now, but he would hate her when he found out that she was carrying his child. But she needed to tell him. As frightened as she was, she couldn’t do this alone. Their baby deserved better than to be labeled a bastard and right now she was terrified to continue doing this on her own.
James stood up, holding his hand out to her expectantly. "I would be honored if you would walk with me in the garden, Lady Elizabeth," James said charmingly enough, earning smiles from both sets of parents and a disapproving scowl from Lord Dumford.
She opened her mouth to accept just to get it over with so she could retire to her room for the rest of the day and lay down when Lord Dumford jumped to his feet.
"I'm sorry, but I must insist. Lady Elizabeth promised me a walk first," he said firmly. She knew that he was lying, but to announce it to the room and insulting him in her mother's house was not done.
James' smile looked forced as he pulled out a ring.
Oh no, not here with witnesses.
"I suppose I could ask Lady Elizabeth here just as easily as in the garden," James said, turning his attention to Elizabeth.
"Now see here, sir!" Lord Dumford said in a huff.
"Elizabeth, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" he asked while Lord Dumford turned three different shades of red as he sputtered nonsense about proprieties.
Her mother and Lady Bradford both gasped, pressing a hand to their chests while her father and Lord Bradford smiled smugly. Lord Dumford looked decidedly unhappy.
"Well, Lady Elizabeth," James said, grinning knowingly, "will you marry me?"
She opened her mouth to ask to speak with him privately when someone unexpected answered for her.
"I'm sorry, brother, but I'm afraid Lady Elizabeth is unable to accept your proposal."
Elizabeth was the last to look in Robert's direction. After taking a much needed breath to calm her stomach, she looked over and frowned.
Robert stood just inside the small ballroom with such a look of deadly determination that she couldn't help but feel a tingle of apprehension. The two men who were practically cowering behind him caught her attention. One was clearly a minister and the other could easily be a surgeon based on the small black bag he carried.
"What's the meaning of this?" her father demanded. No doubt he was upset with the interruption to the engagement that he coveted.
"I'm sorry, my Lord," Robert said to her father, but his angry emerald eyes were focused on her, "but Lady Elizabeth has already agreed to marry me........today."
