Текст книги "Lovely Trigger"

Автор книги: R. K. Lilley

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Danika touched his shoulder familiarly.  “Everyone, this is Andrew.”

“Her boyfriend,” the punk added.

She gave Bianca another tight smile, then introduced them.

I kept my eyes fixed on Danika’s face, trying to block out that punk’s hand on her.  She didn’t seem to be particularly happy with him, and I knew I was a bastard for being happy about that.

Danika left the group quickly and politely, only shooting me one direct glance at the very end, which only seemed to give her stare more weight when she swung it my way.

I broke out into a cold sweat, but other than that, I thought I held up rather well.

She swept by me on her way past.

Oh God, I could smell her.  Just the faintest hint of her perfume mixed with the scent of her.

I made myself blink slowly, count in my head, kept from doing anything crazy, but it was pure, teeth-gritting effort.

I turned to watch them walk away, that punk’s hand still on her.

I needed to get out of there before I followed them and did something supremely stupid.  “If you’ll excuse me, I need to go punch something now, so that I don’t give in to the urge to punch someone.”  I strode away.

I took it out on a punching bag in my home gym, because that’s what grown men did when they had the urge to kill someone with their bare hands, or so my therapist told me.

DANIKA

Putting together Bianca’s showing was a rare treat for me.  I got an absolute kick out of every little detail.  She’d given me the freedom to make most of the choices without even consulting with her.

I was not a creative soul myself.  I was pure right brain, analytical to my core, though I was a great admirer of artists, so a showing like this was the closest I got to a creative outlet, and I relished it.

The exhibition was broken up into rooms, as there were over a hundred paintings in her collection, which was practically unheard of.  I organized them by colors, as this was her signature, trying to make each room a true complement of her brilliant eye.

She was thrilled with the results, which made me want to kiss her.  The boss’ girlfriend, and somehow she was the easiest artist I’d ever worked with.

I barely slept the last two days before the big event, working tirelessly to make sure that every detail was perfect.  I met a jittery Bianca at the door with utter confidence that there was nothing on my end that wouldn’t run like clockwork.

I’d thought of everything, and though I was anxious, as any big event made me, I wasn’t a wreck.  That is until Frankie and her girlfriend walked through the door, each on one of Tristan’s arms.

I felt blind-sided, and for one brief crazy moment, I thought I’d lose it.  What it was I wasn’t sure.

My temper, my composure, my mind, take your pick.

Luckily, the moment passed quickly, and I got by mostly ignoring him, though he tried constantly to catch my eye.

I determined that I wouldn’t let a night I’d been looking forward to be ruined by him.

The paintings started selling within minutes of the opening of the doors.  It was thrilling.

I rushed up to Bianca after every sale, making sure she knew that the night was an unequivocal success.  She seemed more than a little in shock by it all.

I had my eye on one particular piece.  It was a small watercolor of desert roses.  It was so crisp, the colors so vibrant it almost came across like a photo at first glance.

I coveted it, and the first few interested buyers had to make a bid.  I was hoping to outbid them myself, but within a few hours, I knew it was lost to me.  It was just too far out of my price range.

It was around that time that I made a hasty trip to the restroom to touch up my makeup.

I vaguely made out a set of slender ankles that I recognized under one of the stalls when the door opened behind me.  My eyes widened in outraged shock when I realized that Tristan had followed me into the women’s restroom.  I’d made short work of his two attempts to talk to me throughout the evening, but this, this was out of line.

“Now you’re following me?” I asked him, willing my voice not to quaver.

It didn’t help matters that he looked amazing in a crisp tux that had to be custom made to fit those arms of his.

“If that’s the only way you’ll talk to me, then yes,” he told me, just as though he had the right.

“We have nothing to talk abo—“ I began.

“I still think about you every single day,” he ground out harshly.  “Let’s talk about that.”

That had me shaking, head to toe, in pure affront, pure outrage.  The nerve of him, to move on from me, to move so beyond me and then torment me with this.  I knew what this was, it was guilt on his part, and I was livid as I realized this.  “Oh, please.  Take your guilt and get the fuck away from me, Tristan.  I want nothing to do with it.”

“The guilt isn’t what I was talking about,” he said, his lying voice so convincing that I almost believed it.  “It’s you I think about.  Always you.”

I snorted.  “Please!  You stopped trying to call me years ago.  I haven’t heard a word from you since right after rehab when you went on your repentance tour.”

He looked taken aback, but he recovered quickly enough, spouting more nonsense.  “I didn’t trust myself, Danika.  I needed my sobriety.  I’m nothing without it, and you were a lovely trigger for me.  That look in your eyes, after all that I’d done…The way you looked at me like I was scum and knowing that I deserved all of your antipathy.  I knew that if you looked at me like that again, I’d hit rock bottom, and this time I wouldn’t come back from it.”

“I’m with someone, Tristan,” I told him, my tone hard with resolve.

“And if you weren’t?  Would you be willing to talk to me—to spend time with me, if you weren’t with someone?”

I snapped.  “No!  Bad things happen when we get together, Tristan.  You and I are nothing but trouble.  Time hasn’t changed that.  Please, just stay away from me.”

He moved to me, quick as a flash, his hands cupping my shoulders.  “Danika, I’m so sorry.  I’ll never stop missing you.  You were my best friend.  Can you ever forgive me for what I did?”

My trembling hands reached up and pulled his from me.  “I forgave you a long time ago, Tristan,” I asserted, even as I took a step back, out of touching distance.  “But I will never forget.  Please keep your distance.”  I practically ran out the door.

I made a point of seeking out Bianca soon after, since I knew she’d overheard our confrontation in the bathroom.  I cared what she thought, and I didn’t want to come across like a royal bitch, so I felt I owed her an explanation.

“I’m sorry you had to hear that little exchange in the bathroom,” I told her solemnly.

She looked uncomfortable but her eyes were sympathetic.  “I am so sorry about that.”

I waved that off.  “It was hardly your fault.  You were just using the restroom.  But I saw your shoes under the stall, and I wanted to explain myself.  I probably sounded like a cold bitch.”

She held her hand up.  “You didn’t.  I understand completely.  Sometimes protecting your heart is the only way to keep your sanity.”

She’d hit that one on the head.  I nodded.  “Yes, exactly.  I won’t get mixed up with him again, and I refuse to lead him on.  When I was younger and stupid, I thought that he was the most wonderful and exciting thing in the world.  I fell crazy, stupid, jump off a cliff in love with him.  It was like being in love with a tornado.  It took me years to pick up all of the pieces he’d left me in, but I did it, and I won’t go back.  These days I want stability in my life.  I need it.”

She nodded.  I patted her on the shoulder, and walked away, satisfied that she understood.

I was literally forced to deal with Tristan again at the end of the evening, as he purchased two of Bianca’s paintings.  Unbelievably, and infuriatingly, one of them was the small still-life I’d become obsessed with.

“You have great taste,” I told him as I entered his data into the system.  I had other people to do this, but I always handled the really big ticket items myself.  It made me nervous to let anyone else do it.  My control issues were in full swing.

“I always have.”

I made sure he saw me roll my eyes.  He grinned at me as though I’d just given him a present, which hadn’t been my intent.

“Listen, I’m sorry I came on too strong earlier, but I really think it’s time we start to talk again.”

“I told you, I’m with someone.”

“Yes, I know.  I’m not talking about him.  I’m talking about us hanging out again.  Just as friends.  You live in Vegas again; we work in the same building.  It would be ridiculous if we didn’t go out for coffee every once in a while.  Catch up a bit.  That’s all.”

I had to work to keep from losing my temper.  “You want to catch up?  You want to hear how many hours I spent in physical therapy after our breakup?”  He visibly winced, but I kept going.  “What else would you like to catch up on, exactly?  What about Milton having a girlfriend, that you had to know about, but who you didn’t bother to mention when you gave me that crazy warning to stay away from him?”

“Hey now, I had no idea he had a girlfriend—“

“It doesn’t matter.”  Though I did feel a tiny stab of relief that he hadn’t known either, and I couldn’t even have said why.  “What matters is that the only things we have to catch up on are things I have no desire in the world to talk about.  Not ever again.  And certainly not with you.  Your paintings will arrive at your house within the next few days, following the verification of your credit card, etcetera.  Have a good night, Tristan.”  I strode away before I said anything else I’d regret later.

When it came to Tristan and I, there were never any winners to be had.

TRISTAN

I went to bed that night angry and upset.  So agitated that, even at rest, my heart was pounding hard.

I tossed and turned for hours before I fell into a restless sleep.

I was having my morning coffee when I felt something strange move in my chest.

It felt good, but foreign, and it took me a long time to place it.

What was this feeling?  I had to think for a long time to figure it out, but I grasped it after a time.

A freak streak of optimism had just entered my body.

Hope.  I felt the tiniest stirring of hope.  But why?  She’d been as vehement as ever.  She didn’t want anything to do with me.  Nothing had changed.  But my mind had this one little thing to focus on, this smallest of contact, and so I hadn’t forgotten even one detail.

On the contrary, I’d been memorizing every second of that brief confrontation.

Every last twitch.

Every time she’d blinked, or licked her lips, or swallowed with nervousness.

She’d done such a good job of showing me nothing but indifference for the last few years, I’d had no choice but to believe that was how she genuinely felt, and I’d just fucking bought it, giving her the space she needed.

She deserved that much.  She deserved so much more than I could ever give her, because I’d taken so much from her, and so I’d left her in peace.

But something about last night, perhaps it was the way her hands trembled when she pushed mine away, or the fact that she’d shown me her rare temper with just the slightest bit of prodding.

And the bit where she’d said, “Please!  You stopped trying to call me years ago.  I haven’t heard a word from you since right after rehab when you went on your repentance tour.”  That bit fascinated me.  Had she wanted me to call her?  Or was I just reading what I wanted into it?

Whatever it was, something had changed and important pieces of my life were shifting into place.

I knew what I needed to do.

CHAPTER SEVEN

DANIKA

It was a normal, chaotic day at the Vegas gallery.  I was still settling in as I brought it under my own management.  It was a challenge, but I enjoyed challenges, even ones that made me lose sleep, so I was exhilarated by it more than anything else.

I knew who she was the instant she set foot onto the marble floor of my gallery.  Whether I liked it or not, Tristan’s love life was hot news, and I was kept up to date on every little detail, thanks to the two gossip-loving ladies that worked with me.

Mona Biello was a statuesque blonde with ridiculously exaggerated curves.  The blonde was out of a bottle, and at least half of those curves were added on by a doctor, but who was keeping track?

She was the daughter of the famous magician, Tony Biello.  He’d recently retired his act, which had been in the Cavendish casino.  Tristan had essentially taken his job.  I figured there must not have been any hard feelings, since by all accounts in the media, they seemed to be close friends.

And the man didn’t seem to mind that Tristan was dating his daughter and had been for years.  She was also one of the sexy assistants in his magic act.  It had even been rumored that he was planning to pop the question.

She was almost the last person on earth I wanted to see.  The second to last, to be specific.

She passed right by the other two women working the busy gallery, brushing them off with a charming smile.

She headed straight to the podium, where I stood talking to a nice couple that was seriously considering purchasing one of the limited additions from this month’s featured photographer.  It was a $50k sale.  I had courted this sale, and I would close the deal, but I figured the couple would need at least one more trip back before they made their decision.  They were serious buyers.  I was experienced enough to know the difference.

Mona didn’t interrupt, which was considerate, instead waiting patiently while I finished talking to the potential buyers.

I sized her up with furtive glances as I chatted.

I had no notion of why she was there.  My best guess was that she wanted to ask about a work of art.  But whatever the reason she was there, she was dressed to kill in a tight black dress with a plunging neckline that didn’t look anywhere near capable of holding her ridiculously huge breasts inside of it.

She was taller than I was to begin with, but her four-inch heels had her towering over me.  I didn’t like that.  For some reason, I would have liked it much better if she was shorter.  And certainly, I could have done without those obnoxious fake breasts of hers.  I really didn’t want to talk to her.  Not for any reason.

I handed the couple my card, and they departed.

I turned to Mona with a professional smile plastered on my face.  “Good afternoon.  How may I help you?”

She smiled back, and it was friendly, engaging, even.  She was certainly pretty, and striking enough, with full lips and dark, mysterious eyes.  I was not particularly charmed by her beauty, but then, how could I be?

“Danika Markova,” she began.  It was not a promising start, though if I were to judge by her demeanor alone, she was much more pleased to meet me than I was her.  “I’m Mona Biello.  Has Tristan told you about me?”

I blinked at her, all sorts of confused.  “Excuse me?”

Her smile widened and became amused.  “Would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?  We have a lot to talk about, you and I.”

I sighed, seeing no way around it.  She’d put me in an awkward position, coming to my workplace.  “Why not?  Lead on.”

I nodded at Sandra on my way out.  “I’ll be back in fifteen minutes,” I told her quietly.

“Make it thirty,” Mona said loudly, that charming smile in her voice.

I didn’t correct her, just glaring at her back as I followed her.

She walked fast, making no allowance for my slower gait.

That was fine.  I’d get there when I got there.  I knew the way, and I wasn’t rushing for her.

She was already sitting at a table, sipping on a coffee when I reached the coffee house.  I didn’t bother getting one for myself, instead moving right away to sit across from her.

I crossed my legs, folded my arms, and raised a brow at her.

Her face serene, she began, “Tristan and I have been sleeping together for two years.  We also happen to be the best of friends.”  Her voice was sincere and engaging.

The bitch wanted me to like her.  She’d come to the wrong woman if she was hoping for some kind of a friendship.

I held up a hand, keeping my face very blank.  I’d known it and though hearing it made me sick to stomach, sadly the best of friends part even more than the sleeping together, but I’d be damned if I’d let her know that.  “I’ll stop you right there.  That is none of my business.  If you’re here to talk to me about Tristan, it’s extremely unnecessary.  There is nothing to talk about.”

Her pleasant expression didn’t waver, not for one fucking second, but I got the distinct feeling that she thought I was lying.

My spine stiffened in affront.

“I’d like to be frank with you, Danika.  I’ve come to you because I care about Tristan, but at the moment he is shutting me out.  I was hoping you and I could help each other, for Tristan’s sake.  I know you and he have some sort of history, and that something’s been rekindled between you.”

I started shaking my head, but she wasn’t done, and some head shaking wasn’t going to stop this one.

“You need to piss or get off the pot, Danika.”

The words were inflammatory, but her tone was still pleasant, almost playful, like we were old friends.

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t believe in playing games, and I’ve always been a fan of plain speaking.  Tristan is holding some kind of a torch for you.  It’s very romantic, but I, for one, would like to know if it could go anywhere.  Are you stringing him along, or does he have a shot here?  I’m asking as his friend.  Because if he has no shot, you need to let him go.  You have got to stop leading him on.”

I gritted my teeth and dug deep for some patience with the woman.  I wasn’t sure why I bothered.  Nice or mean, good or bad, I wanted nothing to do with her, nothing to do with any of it.

It was the principal of the thing that made me answer her at all.  “You’re mistaken.  Nothing has been rekindled.  I don’t know where you’re getting this idea, but there is nothing between Tristan and I but some shared regrets.

I’m sure you’ve noticed my limp.  Tristan feels that he’s responsible for that.  He feels guilty about it.  He shouldn’t feel that way, but he does, and if you’ve gotten the impression that what he feels for me is something other than that guilt, you couldn’t be more wrong.  Now, was there anything else?”

Her expression schooled itself into one of sincere sympathy.  “That’s very sad.  I’m so sorry to hear about that.  But I still can’t shake the feeling that he is obsessed with you.”

I shrugged; my face so stiff that it felt like it would crack.  “Obsessed with his guilt perhaps.  If that was all, I should be going.”

That meeting had been agitating enough, but my day from hell wasn’t done.

Not two hours later, Tristan had the sheer gall to come striding into my gallery.

We had clearly drawn lines of territory, ones necessary for keeping the peace, and he had a nerve coming into mine.

I gripped the podium and prayed for strength.

He was visibly agitated as he approached me.  He wore his usual jeans and poured on T-shirt.  He looked good, of course.  Amazing, in fact.

“We need to talk,” he began without preamble.

I looked around, feeling terribly self-conscious.  I couldn’t bear the thought that some hint of a rumor could be started about him and me.  It was too raw of a wound to have outsiders picking at it.

“My office,” I told him tersely.  “You have ten minutes.”

He followed me there, shutting the door behind him.

I moved to the far side of the room and then around my tall project desk, putting it between us.

“I know that Mona came to see you.  I want to explain.”

I shut my eyes and shook my head.  I couldn’t do this.  I needed to stop it before it started.  “Don’t, please.  You having some sort of a tiff with her is not something I’m willing to become involved in.  I frankly could not care less what it is about.  None of it concerns me.  I am with someone.  I am in love with another man.”

Why did those words feel so hollow?  Why did they feel like a blatant lie, and why did I feel so dirty saying them?

My eyes were still closed, but I’d have sworn, just by the very change in the air, that I could feel him recoil.

“You say you want to be friends, to catch up.  That’s fine.  Are you prepared for me to talk about him?  It is serious between us.  Are you ready to congratulate me when we become engaged?  It’s going to happen very soon.  Are we friendly enough that I can tell you the details?”

He was silent for so long that I didn’t think he’d answer.

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“Fine.  Leave your number.  I’ll give you a call sometime.  We’ll do coffee.  How’s that?”  I would have said anything to get him out of there right then.

“It’s good, if you mean it.”

“Well, you’ll just have to wait and see.  Your ten minutes is up.”

Finally, I looked at him.  He gave me a tiny smile that played havoc on the stupid, traitorous organ in my chest.  “You didn’t let me get a word in.  I want a do-over.”

I shook my head, letting the tiniest hint of a rueful smile play across my mouth.  “Not happening.  Now make like a magician and disappear.”

He laughed, and I tried not to let my heart show in my eyes.

I never made a phone call, and I never answered his.

TRISTAN

We met for lunch regularly, but it was rare for me to get a summons up to the big office.  I knew the reason for it, though, the second I saw James.

One look at the pained expression on his face and I knew it.

He looked as though he was braced to step into the middle of a situation that must have put him in a bad spot.

I sat down without a word and waited for the ax to fall.

“It’s about Danika,” he told me with a heavy sigh.

I just nodded, though inside the turmoil raged on.  Whatever he was about to say, I knew I wouldn’t like it.

“As you know, she’s recently moved back to town, and she’ll be working on site regularly.”

I just nodded.  Again.  At least this was all coming through James.  Somehow, it made it easier.  As far as messengers went, close friends were a better case scenario.

“She’s, well, she’s asked me to relay a message to you.”

I flinched, but nodded at him to continue, properly braced.

“The gallery and everything west of Frankie’s is to be considered her territory, everything east, including your theatre, of course, will be yours.  I take it you went to see her at work?”

“Yes,” I said, jaw clenched tight.

“Christ, man, what happened between you two?  I missed all of the pertinent pieces.  I only caught hints of the aftermath.  You’ve both been so damned close-mouthed about it all.”

I looked down at my hands.  “She doesn’t like for me to talk about it, but we were together.  Not for long enough, but as you see, it was life-changing.”  I took a deep breath.  “We were married.”  It felt so good to say that part out aloud, to acknowledge that it had been real.

I could see by his expression that he hadn’t had a clue.

I smiled bitterly.  “No one knows.  We didn’t even tell Frankie.  And Danika doesn’t acknowledge that it ever happened.  But we were married.  It was just months after I lost Jared.  I thought I was doing okay, but I did not deal with his death well.

James nodded, looking sympathetic.  He’d sent his condolences at the time, but had steered clear of the funeral.  He hadn’t wanted to turn the whole thing into a media circus, as everything in his life tended to be.

“Obviously you know about all of the drugs and the drinking while we recorded that album with Dean.  You did pay for the rehab.”

“Worth every penny, to say the least.”

My mouth kicked up in a grin.  “We were trying to get pregnant.  She was insanely young for it at the time, but there was nothing sane about us.  We were crazy about each other.  She miscarried our baby, and I was a complete flake about it.  After that, well, the losses started piling up until I’m sure she’ll say we lost more than we ever had together.  That’s not true.  We had more than we ever lost, but either way, I screwed it up.  I could blame the drinking and the drugs, but however you cut it, I’m the one that let her slip through my fingers.”

He looked thoughtfully concerned, his fingers steepled in front of him.  “I always got the impression that you held yourself responsible for her leg?”

I winced.  “I am responsible.  She came to see me after the divorce.  I can’t remember why she came to my apartment, I was high as a kite and wrecked over the divorce.  I have huge chunks of that night missing from my brain, but I do remember yelling at her to get a ride from Dean, who I later found out had drugged her.  You know what happened after that.”

“My God,” he uttered softly.

“I’m glad you found Bianca, James.  It’s not something you can describe until it hits you, but I see that you’ve found the one, and I’m happy for you.”

He studied me, his eyes pensive, but also pitying.  “I’m sorry, Tristan.  I didn’t realize this was what you were dealing with.  I thought it was some scenario where she was wanted too much from you, and you went on your way.  I knew that you loved her, but I thought that you’d let her go by choice.”

“By choice?  No, my friend.  This was not my choice.  I screwed up plenty, but if it were up to me, it would never have turned out like this.”

“I don’t know how you’ve done it.  With Bianca…she turned me away for a month and I thought I was losing my mind.  I can’t imagine going through what you have, all the years, all the distance.  I don’t know where you find the strength.”

I shut my eyes, the words pouring over me like some soothing torture.  “I don’t know either.  I don’t have a clue.”