Текст книги "Emancipating Andie"

Автор книги: Priscilla Glenn

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Getting addicted to her.

He ran his thumbs over her cheeks again, and she pulled back slightly, looking up at him. This time as he leaned back in, he took control of the kiss, slowing it down, brushing his lips against hers, parting her lips with his own, pulling back ever so slightly before allowing their mouths to make contact again.

With a tiny whimper that broke Chase’s heart and mended it simultaneously, she followed his lead, kissing him with the same reverence with which he was regarding her, and suddenly they were both present again, so achingly aware of each other, of every breath and sound and touch.

He brushed his lips against hers again, fighting every instinct in his body as he pulled away from her, lifting his hand to brush the hair away from her face.

“Chase,” she whispered, her voice a mixture of desire and confusion, and he leaned forward, kissing the tip of her nose as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

“How could you not know?” he whispered, and she looked up at him with those eyes that owned him from the first day he looked into them. “You have to know how I feel about you, Andie.”

She dropped her gaze, a slight blush coloring her cheeks, and Chase brought his fingers beneath her chin, lifting her face back to his.

“How could you think this was just about sex?”

She licked her bottom lip nervously, inadvertently tempting Chase to bring his mouth back to hers, but he would not allow himself to. Not yet. Not until he made his feelings clear.

“But…why…you said…that I should have…” she fumbled nervously, her voice barely a whisper.

“Andromeda,” he said softly, and she stilled, looking up at him. “I want you. And I’m not just talking about sex. I want you in every way. But…you deserve better than what I can offer you. He can give you things, a future and a life that I just…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I’m not Colin,” he finally said. “There’s a good chance I’ll fuck this up, and then it will have all been for nothing, and you’ll wish that you had—”

Andie shook her head before she pressed her mouth to his, silencing him. There were so many things he still wanted to say, and as much as he needed to clarify things with her, he was instantly pulled back into the kiss. His left hand curled around the nape of her neck as her lips parted for him, her tongue teasing his lower lip, begging for entrance. He obliged with a groan, and when she pressed him back against the wall, he lost all train of thought.

It was Andie who slowed things down this time, pulling back from him slightly, and he found himself leaning toward her, trying to prolong the contact.

“So…is that the only reason you told me I should have said yes?” she asked, and he pressed his forehead to hers.

“I’m ready to face my consequences, Andie. I just want you to be sure,” he whispered, his bottom lip grazing her top one. “I want you to think about what you’d be giving up.”

“There’s nothing to think about,” she murmured against his lips, kissing him with a feather-light touch. “I know you’re what I want.”

Chase closed his eyes as a pleasant rush of heat coursed through his body at her words—words that seemed too good to be true. “Say that again,” he whispered.

He felt her breathy laugh against his lips before she pulled back slightly, meeting his gaze. “You’re what I want, Chase.”

He brought his forehead down to hers again as a contentment he’d never known wrapped around him, nearly taking his breath away. Andie lifted her face, touching the tip of her nose to his as she gently stroked the back of his neck.

The emotions were coursing through him with alarming speed, none of them recognizable, but all of them powerful. He felt drunk, like something had taken over his body, bombarding him with waves of pleasure and satisfaction, and he never wanted to feel normal again.

He lifted his head then, looking at her, and she smiled up at him. He kept waiting for it to feel wrong, standing there with his friend’s ex in his arms, but the undeniable truth was, nothing in his life had ever felt this right.

“I can’t help it. I want this,” he said hoarsely, and she smiled, her hand still grazing the back of his neck.

“Then it’s yours.”

He brought his mouth back to hers, unable to fight his need to be touching her, and she wrapped her arms around him again, gently walking him farther back into the room as she continued to kiss him.

When he felt the backs of his knees hit the side of his bed, he froze, and with one more gentle nudge from Andie, his legs buckled as he sat back on the mattress.

Chase stared up at her, trying to read her expression. He wanted her more than anything. He wanted to feel her, adore her, finally make her his after all this time, but he didn’t want her to think she had to do this now.

“Andromeda,” he began, and her eyes fluttered closed.

“I love when you call me that,” she sighed, bringing her knees to the bed outside his thighs as she straddled his lap, and he brought his hands to her hips, looking up at her.

She looked down at him, a lock of hair falling in front of her eyes, and she bit her bottom lip before she smiled.

My God, he thought, this woman has no idea how sexy she is.

“Why do you look so nervous?” she teased softly. “This isn’t your first time, is it?”

“You know we don’t have to—” But his words were cut off with a groan as she lowered her weight onto his lap, providing the most amazing pressure. He dug his fingers into her hips, hoping too late that he wasn’t hurting her.

She looked down at him again, her expression now sweetly serious. “I want to,” she whispered. “I’ve wanted to for so long. But we don’t have to tonight if you think it’s a bad idea. I just want to be close to you.”

He released his hold on her hips, running his hands up the sides of her body, and she sighed, closing her eyes and arching toward him.

His jaw flexed as he took her in. Did she really think he would turn her down? Did she think he would ever deny her anything?

“Andie, I’ll give you anything you want.”

She opened her eyes and looked down at him. “I’m gonna fall in love with you,” she whispered.

As soon as the words left her mouth, there was the tiniest flicker of alarm in her expression, as if she shouldn’t have disclosed that information.

He wanted to answer. He wanted to take the fear out of her eyes. He wanted to tell her that he’d long beat her to it, that he was pretty sure he fell in love with her that day on Tybee Island, that every experience he’d had with her since then had only reinforced it.

But everything about this moment felt so delicate, so surreal; he was terrified that he’d say the wrong thing and shatter it. He didn’t want to rant incessantly with simple words that didn’t hold a candle to what he was feeling.

Instead he slid his hand behind her neck and pulled her down to him, running the tip of his tongue along the swell of her lip before he parted them, kissing her with every ounce of emotion he could muster, pouring every unspoken word into the kiss, telling her without words how she had managed to revive everything inside him that was good, showing her that he wanted her to fall in love with him, because he was already there.

And when he felt her lips curve into a smile against his, he knew she understood.

She leaned into him then, pressing him back onto the bed, and from the second Chase laid down with Andie above him, he knew this was going to be different.

It felt like he existed within a vacuum. Every sense was amplified and intensely responsive—the way she was moving against him as she kissed him, the tiny sounds she was making, the taste of her lips, the scent of her hair as it fell in silken curtains around their faces, hiding them from the rest of the world.

He was extremely aware of every little thing, and it all fueled the fire that was building low in his stomach, growing with astonishing speed.

Sex for Chase had always been a means to an end; even when he truly cared for the woman he was with, it was about getting her off. But this time, with Andie, the end was the furthest thing from his mind. All his focus was on this moment, this second, right now.

Andie moved above him with confidence now, her pace slow and sensual but rooted in her increasing desire as she trailed her perfect kisses along the side of his neck, and he gripped her hips firmly, tilting his head back to give her better access.

Jesus Christ, how could it feel this good with four layers of clothes still between them?

Chase sat up then, cradling her as he twisted his body and laid her down on the mattress, positioning himself above her. He wanted to be in control. He wanted to savor every second with her.

He set the languid pace as he began to explore her, peeling away obtrusive articles of clothing one by one, and she followed him, deliberately drawing it out, the mounting suspense growing as tangible as their bodies beneath each other’s hands.

And once they were fully exposed to each other, once there was nothing but the feel of skin on skin, the beautiful warm silk of her body rubbing against his with every movement, only then did his hand come between them as he allowed himself to touch her, really touch her, for the first time.

They both moaned at the contact, and the heat in his belly instantly ignited into a raging fire, blazing through his veins as a new urgency beat in his blood. He felt her writhe against his hand ever so slightly, and that was all it took to disarm him.

It was a blur of skin and lips and hands after that, both of them frantic, almost desperate. Chase had never been so in tune to a woman before; he was clued in to every detail of her, the cues she gave him with her movements, with her sounds, when he’d done something right, and he followed each one, playing her body like his piano, figuring out the melody as he went.

His attention was perfectly divided between learning Andie’s body and feeling her hands exploring his own. Every touch of hers, every kiss, was goddamn perfect, and when she finally reached between them and took him in her hand, he thought he might cry.

Chase breathed raggedly against her mouth, feeling her feeling him, and his eyes rolled back slightly before they fluttered closed. His fantasies of this woman were pathetic shadows of what she was capable of.

He shifted above her, needing to be closer, and the new position caused their bodies to align in a way that made Andie gasp loudly, followed by a groan that nearly ended it for Chase.

“Chase…please,” she panted.

“I know,” he breathed against her mouth, shifting his weight again, and the movement brought his hips into the perfect nook of her thighs. Instinctively, she arched her body toward him, seeking him out.

He lifted his hips off her, pulling back slightly as he brought his hands to the side of her face.

“Can we just…I want to…” he said through his labored breathing, and Andie nodded gently.

“Slow,” she whispered, understanding what he wanted.

He nodded, brushing the hair away from her eyes, and he saw the need there, saw his own overwhelming desire mirrored in her expression.

“Slow,” he repeated softly, bringing his hands to her face, and with one final breath to steady himself, he gently brought his body back to hers.

He thought he would have to concentrate on pacing himself, on controlling himself, but when she arched toward him, breathing his name as she took him into her body, he knew there was no way he would ever want to rush this.

He was instantly and completely overcome by her, and he welcomed it, letting the woman beneath him consume his very existence.

Her breath. Her sounds. Her body hugging him perfectly. The incredible friction. His name falling from her lips. Her hands on him, pulling him closer. The scent of her on his sheets. On his skin. Her hair fanned over his pillow. The rolling of her hips. The heat. The slow, building ache. Smooth. Slick. Soft.

Perfect.

Every other sexual experience he’d had before this seemed like a fraud, like he’d been settling his whole life without knowing it; he thought he had understood, he thought he’d known what it meant to experience a woman, but Chase realized then that he had no idea what intimacy felt like until this moment.

It wasn’t long before he felt her thighs tighten around his hips, and he lifted his head from her shoulder, knowing what her body was telling him.

“Oh God, Chase,” she whispered softly as her head fell back.

He brought his hands to the mattress and lifted himself up, wanting to take in every second of what he knew was about to happen, and the shift in his position was all it took to push her over the edge.

Chase could feel it begin as the first cry left her mouth, and all the breath left his body in a soft rush as he watched her, her hand gripping the pillow beside her head as the other clutched at his back, her body arching up as the most beautiful sounds fell from her parted lips, swirling through him and in him and around him so that it took everything he had just to keep moving above her.

He had never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life.

And when her body finally began to relax beneath him, when her hand went slack on the pillow and her eyes fell closed, he watched a lazy smile curve the corners of her mouth as a breathy laugh fell from her lips, and he couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face over the fact that he was the one who had made her feel that way.

And even though Chase was close, he forced himself to slow down, wanting to give her an opportunity to recover; almost instantly, Andie surprised him by sitting up and shifting their weight until his back hit the mattress behind them.

She climbed on top of him then, their bodies reconnecting as she sat up, and Chase looked up at her in awe as she started to move.

“Jesus, Andie,” he breathed. It was too much, seeing her above him this way, feeling the way she manipulated his body with her own. He sat up quickly, pressing his face into her neck as he went over the edge, groaning softly against her skin. She buried her face in his hair, continuing to move against him until she knew he was completely spent. As the rolling of her body gradually slowed, he felt her trail the tips of her fingers down the back of his neck.

“Chase,” she whispered softly against the crown of his head, pressing her lips into his hair, and he tightened his arms around her as he fell back onto the bed, taking her with him.

The room was filled with the soft, rasping sounds of their labored breathing as they slowly came down, and he brought his hand to her hair, gently holding her head against his chest.

His heart was racing, and he wanted her to hear it.

And he wanted her to know that from here on out, it beat solely for her.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Andie realized she should be exhausted.

She and Chase had just finished making love for the third time, and that, coupled with the emotional turmoil of the evening, should have been enough to put her down for the count. Yet she felt a quiet energy coursing through her veins, keeping her eyes open. She lay with her head on Chase’s chest, her hand resting low on his stomach, and every now and then, her lips would curve into a gentle smile at nothing in particular.

She could hear Chase’s breathing, feel the gentle rise of his chest, and though his breaths were slow and rested, his hands on her body were not. He alternated between pulling his fingers lazily through her hair and trailing them over the skin of her back, her arms, her hands, anywhere he could reach.

Andie inhaled a deep breath, exhaling with a soft, contented hum, and she felt him press his lips to the top of her head. She smiled again as her eyes combed his apartment, taking it in for the first time since she arrived there earlier that night. It was, as Colin had once said, basically a closet with a bathroom. It was just one large room; the small kitchenette took up half of the space, and his bedroom/living room took up the other. His bed, the bed they were lying in, was just a foldout couch, and she could see there was a tiny bathroom off the kitchen.

There was a dinginess to the paint on the walls, to the appliances in the kitchen, the result of old age rather than uncleanliness; in fact, while the apartment itself was somewhat messy, everything in it was surprisingly clean.

“Can I ask you something?” Andie asked before she had even fully decided to speak.

“Anything,” he answered softly.

“Colin said that you…” She trailed off, realizing now that she didn’t exactly know how to phrase her question without sounding rude.

“Colin said that I…?” he prompted her.

“That you…didn’t have to…live here,” she finally said, chewing on her bottom lip and cringing slightly.

She felt his chest bounce with laughter beneath her cheek. “What do you mean? You don’t appreciate the five-star accommodations?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said, sure he could feel her blush against his chest. “I just meant…he said that you could…that this apartment wasn’t…God, never mind,” she said with a frustrated roll of her eyes, realizing there was no polite way to ask the question and wishing now that she just hadn’t said anything.

Chase pulled his fingers through her hair again. “Are you asking about my money?” he said, a smile in his voice.

“No, no,” she protested, officially transitioning from embarrassed to mortified. “I just…God, I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said anything.”

He laughed again, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “It’s okay,” he said. “And he’s right. I do have the means to live in a nicer place than this.”

Andie licked her lips, her embarrassment ebbing slightly as he continued to run his fingertips up and down her back.

“And you wanted to know why I choose to stay here?” he asked against the crown of her head.

She nodded softly, and she felt him take a deep breath.

“Because that money isn’t mine. I didn’t earn any of it. It was my mother’s, and it’s only mine now because she’s gone. To take that money, her money, and use it to keep myself comfortable while I play around, pretending to be a photographer—”

Andie lifted her head off his chest. “Stop it,” she cut him off. “Don’t belittle yourself like that.”

He smiled up at her. “Put it this way; I couldn’t support myself any better than this off of my photography right now. And until I can, I consider myself to be just playing around. It’s not self-deprecating. It’s just fact.”

Andie frowned, and he twined their fingers together before he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly. “Anyway,” he exhaled. “I won’t use that money unless it’s going toward something…I don’t know…worthy. Something she’d be proud of. And I just don’t feel like I’ve earned it yet.”

Andie looked down at him, completely humbled by his words. It seemed like every time she thought she had him figured out, he did or said something that revealed him to be even more complex, more amazing than she initially gave him credit for.

“Well I love this apartment,” Andie said as she leaned down and kissed him softly. “In fact, when you make it big as a photographer, I think you should keep it.”

He laughed again, pulling her down onto his chest. “We’ll see,” he sighed, and Andie began to trace shapeless patterns on his chest with her fingertips.

Chase lifted his head, looking down at what she was doing. “Are there bruises there?”

“Bruises?” she asked, lifting her head.

“Yeah. In the shape of your hands?”

Andie rolled her eyes as she saw the smirk lift the corner of his mouth. “Shut up. I didn’t push you that hard.”

“Didn’t push me that hard?” He laughed in disbelief. “You almost put me through the wall!” Andie pressed her lips together, fighting laughter as he added, “I mean, shit, remind me never to piss you off again.”

Her composure finally broke as she laughed, dropping her forehead to his chest. “You’re lucky that’s all you got.”

“That’s true,” he said, his hand finding its way to her hair again. “I thought you were gonna deck me for a second.”

“I was thinking about it,” Andie said, “but I don’t really know how to throw a punch. It would have taken away from my point if I was making it from the back of an ambulance on my way to get x-rays.”

She felt his chest bounce with laughter again. “Plus,” he added, “how could you have lived with yourself if you messed up all this pretty?”

It was quiet for a beat before Andie sighed. “You are such a smug bastard.”

He laughed outright then, pulling her body up the length of his until they were face to face, and he brought his mouth to hers, kissing her with an expertise that made Andie feel like they had been kissing for years instead of just a few hours, almost as if she’d never kissed anyone but him.

He rolled them onto their sides as he ended the kiss, smiling softly as he brushed the hair away from her face. As he lifted his arm, Andie’s eyes were immediately drawn to the side of his torso. In the heat of the moment, she had vaguely noticed the ink there, but now that she was lucid, she lifted her head to get a better look. She brought her fingertips to his skin, and he moved his arm, giving her better access as she dragged them over the words written up the length of his side.

KNOW REGRETS.

Andie lifted her eyes to his. “Isn’t it supposed to be no regrets? Like, n-o?”

“What! It is?” he said, jumping up in fabricated alarm. “You mean it’s been spelled wrong this entire time?”

He looked up at Andie with mock incredulity, and Andie laughed, playfully pushing him back down onto the bed.

He reached up and pulled her down next to him, and she immediately crawled back into the nook of his body that seemed to be made just for her.

“It actually did say no regrets when I first got it. I was sixteen. Me and my friend went to this shady tattoo parlor that didn’t card. I’m lucky I made it out of that place without hepatitis,” he said, and Andie smiled against his chest. “I added the k and the w a few months after my mom died.”

Andie trailed her finger over the ripples in his stomach. “I don’t get it,” she said softly.

“Because when I got it, I was this headstrong, self-important teenager. I was gonna grab life by the balls and not care about what I left in my path.” He laughed softly before he looked down at her. “But as it turns out, I grabbed life by the balls, and it turned around and shoved a huge piece of humble pie down my throat.”

Andie pressed her lips to his chest, thinking of everything he had endured that he shouldn’t have had to: the pressure from his overly critical father, the divorce, the loss of his mother.

“A lot of shit happened to me after that and, I don’t know, I guess I just realized I didn’t want to be the kind of guy who had no regrets. Honestly, I wouldn’t trust someone who had no regrets. It means that they’ve never learned from their mistakes, or they’re too arrogant to realize they’ve made them in the first place.” He shifted onto his side, facing her fully.

“I think having regrets makes us better people,” he said. “So…instead of having no regrets, we should know our regrets.” He lifted his arm and looked down at his side. “Wear them like a badge of lessons learned.”

He brought his eyes back to hers, and the intensity behind them caused a flood of butterflies in Andie’s stomach. “If we can’t recognize when we’ve messed up, then how will we know when we’ve gotten it right?”

Andie bit her lower lip, fighting the words that were on the tip of her tongue. She had told him earlier that she was going to fall in love with him.

But she knew then, with absolute certainty, that she already had.

She brought her lips to his, and his kiss once again took her breath away. I love you, she thought as she laid her head back on his chest. I love you, Chase McGuire.

“So,” Chase said softly, “do you have any secret tattoos?” He lifted the sheet, peeking underneath, and she squealed as she tugged it back around herself.

“No,” she laughed.

He pulled her body against his beneath the sheet. “I figured. I think it’s safe to say I’ve thoroughly acquainted myself with your body tonight,” he said, running his hand down her side and making her shiver. “If you had one, it would have to be pretty well hidden.”

“No, no tattoos,” she sighed, a soft smile on her lips as her eyes fell closed.

He shifted beneath her, and then she felt his lips in her hair. “Tell me your biggest regret,” he whispered.

Andie looked up at him. “My biggest regret?” she asked softly.

“Mm-hm,” he murmured.

And as soon as he said it, she knew what she would tell him. She wanted him to know her, really know her, so that when he finally told her he loved her, she’d know he meant all of her. Everything. Even her worst mistakes.

Know your regrets. Wear them like a badge of lessons learned.

“I was almost raped,” she said, wishing her voice didn’t sound so pathetic as she uttered the words.

She felt his chest still beneath her for a moment, and suddenly he shifted, lifting her off his body so he could see her face.

But she couldn’t look him in the eyes yet.

“When?”

Andie licked her lips nervously, her eyes on the sheet as her fingers plucked at the seam. “When I was fourteen.”

The room grew silent, and Andie glanced up at him uneasily. He opened his mouth but closed it before he said anything, shaking his head slightly. His expression was more disturbed than confused, and Andie could tell he was torn between asking her to explain and not wanting to upset her.

“I didn’t really know him,” she offered, lowering her eyes again. “I mean, I knew of him. We went to the same school.”

Chase’s hand found hers on the bed, his thumb making one soft pass over the back of it.

“He was older than me. Really popular. I had a huge crush on him,” she said with a sad smile before she shook her head softly. “He invited me to a party, and I convinced my friend to sneak out and go with me. At some point I went to the bathroom, and he followed me up there. He came in and locked the door…” Andie glanced up at Chase again. The muscles of his jaw were flexing over and over, but his eyes were still soft.

She took a deep breath, and much to her embarrassment, it trembled. It had been years since she had said any of this out loud, and she was underprepared for the power the words still held for her.

He clasped her hand then, intertwining their fingers, and she held it as she found her voice again.

“Anyway, he tried, but…I was fighting…and I guess I was so scared that I…that my body…” She looked down and shook her head. “He just…he couldn’t manage it…and then he just got fed up with me and left,” she said with a tiny shrug, chewing on her lower lip. “I’ve never told anyone that,” she added, her voice barely above a whisper.

“Nobody?” he said softly. “Your parents? Colin?”

Andie shook her head. “The only one who knows is my friend Tracey, and that’s only because she was there that night. As soon as she saw me, she knew something had happened, and she wouldn’t give up until I told her. Otherwise, I probably wouldn’t have said anything to her either.”

“Why didn’t you say something?” he asked, his voice almost desperate. “Why didn’t you have him arrested?”

“Because I was young, and scared, and he told me no one would believe me, and I believed him. And plus, when we got back to school, he walked right past me like I didn’t exist, like I was completely invisible, and in a way, I was relieved. I wanted to be invisible to him. I didn’t want to do anything that would force me to interact with him ever again.”

“Jesus, Andie,” he said, and his voice was so sad that she scooted toward him, pressing her face against the side of his neck. His arms immediately wrapped around her, holding her firmly against his chest.

“You asked me once if I’d ever done something without worrying about consequences. Something just for me, because it was what I wanted. Well…there you have it,” she said softly. “And I’m not trying to make excuses. But that’s why I am the way I am, I think…like you said, always playing by the rules, always doing the right thing. Because I know there are consequences for doing the wrong thing.”

He released her then, pulling back from her slightly with his face full of concern. “You can’t possibly think that was your fault.”

She licked her lips and looked down. “I don’t know. I mean, I know I didn’t deserve it, but I put myself in that situation. I barely knew him, and I went to that party because I was naïve enough to think he was interested in me. My mom said it was wrong, my friend said it was wrong, but I did it anyway. And I paid the price.”

“Doesn’t matter,” he said firmly, shaking his head. “So you made a decision for yourself. So you didn’t do what someone else expected of you. That’s not a crime, and you certainly didn’t deserve to pay a price for it. The only reason that happened was because he was a cowardly piece of shit. A fucking lowlife. It had nothing to do with your choice to go to a party, regardless of who didn’t want you to go.”

Andie nodded, chewing on the inside of her lip. “The thing is, though, on some level, even in my own heart I knew I shouldn’t be going.”

Chase leaned over, sweeping her hair behind her ear. “It’s still not your fault. But now you know better. You should never ignore your instincts. You don’t have to do what other people tell you to do, but you should always do what your heart tells you.”

Andie nodded as she looked down. It was so different from what she’d always been told. Use your head. Love with your head. Everything always logical, sensible, careful.

She thought back on everything that had happened that night: declining Colin’s proposal, going to see Chase, returning to his house a second time to confront him, baring herself to him, mind, body, and soul. None of that was sensible. None of it was careful. Yet it all felt right.

She looked at him then, lying next to her and looking up at her with a sentiment so pure that it made her eyes well with tears.

You should always do what your heart tells you.

She took Chase’s hand and pressed her lips against his palm.

“I finally did,” she whispered.