Текст книги "Freeing Carter"

Автор книги: Nyrae Dawn

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 12 страниц)

"Truth or dare?" Kira whispers to me when I fall into the chair by the register.

I look up at her, wondering how she knew. "Truth. I'm stressed out about English. I have a lot to do and it takes me forever to do it." My eyes won't stay on her, hating what I admitted.

"But you want to? Do it, I mean?"

"Yeah. I don't want to fail. And I've managed it before, but..."

Kira shrugs. "Then you'll do it again. I know you can, Coach. You teach me more basketball, I'll help you with English."

I'd wanted this on my terms, and somehow she gave it to me, without my even having to ask.

Chapter Fourteen

As the next couple weeks go by, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for Mrs. Z to tell me the work I've turned in isn't good enough. Waiting for us to somehow lose a game, which we haven't. Undefeated so far and with the way I'm playing, I'm pretty sure that's not what's going to go wrong.

So what will it be? Will Kira suddenly start spazzing out like Mel did? Turning into a girl with multiple personalities who's never happy with what I do? Nah, I'm pretty sure that isn't what's going to happen. She's awesome. She's the only person who makes me feel like talking. Who makes me feel the way I always tried to pretend I felt. With her, it's not an act. I don't have to lie. Plus, she's smokin' hot.

So then that leaves Mom. Will she be the one to bring everything crashing down on me again? Because right now, things are perfect. I look in her eyes when she wakes up, study her voice on the phone, rummage through all the stock rooms at the store. I've even looked in her closet. Nothing. Does that mean she hasn't had a drink since the day she woke up so sick? In my chest, it feels like she hasn't. Like she realizes how bad it was and is now better. That she'll never pick up a bottle again because she knows what it does to us. What it could do to Sara and she's decided that's more important.

My head is another story though. Last time, she told me it wouldn't happen again and I believed her. Look how that turned out. This time, she didn't even tell me. There were no promises. Just nothing. Just...suddenly sober.

But for how long?

"Mr. Shaw," Mrs. Z's voice rips me away from where I just went. "And here I thought you weren't falling asleep in my class anymore."

I look over at Kira, trying to give her the eye that says she should have saved me, but she smirks, winks, and walks out of the room with everyone else. Traitor.

"You have a minute?"

Yeah. Like I can say no to a teacher. "Absolutely." Really I want to tell her no because she's about to make my nightmares come true.

She sits on the edge of her desk and I stand in front of her. "I just want to let you know I'm proud of you. You've done a great job these past weeks. You're bringing your grade up nicely and you're caught up. Keep up the good work, Mr. Shaw. "

"Excuse me?" Totally not what I expected her to say.

"You heard me. And I want to let you know again, that I'm always here to talk. If you're having trouble with your work or anything."

She knows. Mrs. Z knows. I think about backpedaling. Telling her I don't need help and never will, but then I remember how it felt with Kira. Not lying and something makes me open my mouth and do it again. "I'm doing okay. I just... have to go slow, ya know? Sometimes it's confusing and gets a little jumbled in my head, but if I take it slow, I can work it out."

Some of the weight falls off my shoulders, my chest, with each of the words.

"That's understandable. Especially with Shakespeare. He's not very easy to understand. Please come to me if you need help. My door is always open to you, Carter. You're a smart boy. I know that. I just want to see you shine."

Her words find something inside me that I didn't know was there. "Thanks, Mrs. Z. I'm working on it."

"You'll get there. I have no doubt about it."

Not gonna lie. There's totally an extra spring in my step when I walk out of the class. It's magnified when I see Kira waiting outside the room for me. "Thanks for having my back," I tease. "Aren't you supposed to be keeping me awake?"

She hooks her arm through mine as we start walking to art. "Nope. You're all grown up now. You can handle it yourself."

"Aww, thanks, Mom. Shit...forget I called you that because then I couldn't do this." I stop walking, hook my fingers in her belt loops and pull her toward me until there's no space between us and I'm leaning against the locker. My hands then find their home on her hips as I let my mouth skim over hers. I kiss the side of her mouth, the other side and then part her lips with my tongue. Kira's arms wrap around my neck, her hands thread through my hair. She tugs a little making it sting in a good way.

All too soon the bells ringing and the kiss is over. We're obviously late, but I don't think either of us cares.

Ruffling my hair again, Kira says, "I love it when your hair looks all messy like you just rolled out of bed."

This time, I don't let myself think about what could go wrong because maybe this time, it won't. Maybe everything is finally getting better. Actually, it couldn't get any better. Maybe now it's just staying there.

***

The second I walk into the house, I know something is wrong. The scent I hate doesn't cling to the air. Nothing looks different, but I somehow know. My feet feel heavy as I force them to move forward. "Mom?" I call as I walk through the house.

Barney is playing in the family room, so I know Sara is here and fine, but my heart is still running a marathon and my muscles are tight.

"Mom?"

I hear a sniffling sound before Mom says, "In here, Carter."

As I round the corner into the living room and see her eyes red, everything inside me shifts. The fear and worry for her, for her drinking, is still there, but anger, too. Anger for who or whatever hurt her. "What's wrong?" My voice isn't quite as calm as I try for.

" It's your grandpa." With shaky hands, she wipes her eyes. "I don't know why I expect him to change. Why I keep thinking things will get better with him."

Probably for the same reason I believe things will get better with you... My thoughts annoy me. Mom isn't like him. Yes, she has a problem, but she's never mean. She'd never hurt us the way he hurt her. And besides, things are better for her now. She has stopped. Hopefully, he hasn't changed that.

"He's a jerk. I hate him. What did he do to you?" I'm pacing the room, knowing I should sit next to her, knowing I should be comforting her, but I can't.

Mom sighs. "Don't say you hate him. No matter what he's still your grandfather."

My head whips around to face her. "What? He verbally abused you for your whole life. He pretty much pretends Sara doesn't exist. Call me crazy, but I don't consider that any kind of grandpa I want. You shouldn't either. You should just walk away from him."

But I know she can't, just the way I could never walk away from her. Not like they're the same, because they're not.

She holds up her hand. "Please. I can't fight about him right now. I have too much to figure out. They've given me a week to find him a new place to live, which will take money and time, both of which I don't have a lot of. And I can't..." She shakes her head. When she speaks again, her voice is softer. "He's my dad, but I can't do it again. I can't live with him. I can't bring him here. Not after being free of him for all these years."

It's guilt's turn to take over as my primary emotion. "What do you need? We can take the money out of my savings."

Shaking her head, she stands up. "Absolutely not. He doesn't get your money. It'll just have to be taken out of money I had saved for us. I just...I feel like I live my own life. I never had that growing up and it scares me to consider living with him again, even if it is only short term. It would help if he could live on his own, or would sell the house." Mom stops talking and then waves her hand. "Never mind." She wipes the remaining wetness from her eyes. "You shouldn't have to hear this or deal with it. I'll take care of it. I'm sure we can find him a place to live."

Hopefully. I'm not so sure. What if they talk to his current home? Who's going to want to deal with a violent, mean old man? But for her, I smile, even though I want to tell her she shouldn't have to do anything. That he didn't take care of her, so he should have to take care of himself.

"How did I get so lucky?" Mom walks over to me and cups my cheek with her hand. "How did I get the best son in the world? I'm so lucky to have you, Carter. I want you to know I know that." Her eyes start to pool again.

"Mom, don't. I mean, I'm good, but I'm not that good," I try to play it off.

"Yes you are. And I want you to know." She pulls her hand back and stands up straight, taking a few breaths like she's trying to prepare herself for something. "I want you to know, I'm okay. I'll be okay. After...after the last time, getting so sick? Hurting and scaring you. That's not okay. None of it. You and Sara are the most important things to me in the whole world and I will never do anything to hurt you again."

The tears are rolling down her face now, her words struggling to come out. My eyes start to feel wet too.

"I'm done, Carter. It's not my crutch anymore. This time, I swear it won't happen again."

Mom pulls me into a hug and I fight crying as hard as she is. Hate that even though she's so sad, I'm happy. How can I be anything but happy when this time, for real, I know things will be okay. That she's done. That I won't ever have to worry about alcohol trying to take her over again.

***

Mom and I both play it off like nothing is wrong when Sara comes in, asking for something to eat. Mom heads to the kitchen to make her a snack.

"I have to go pick Kira up and take her home," I tell her. "Will you be okay?"

Mom smiles and it looks so real. Maybe she's just as good at hiding as I've always been. "Of course. Sara and I will have some popcorn and hang out. Tell Kira hi for us, okay?"

"Okay." I start to walk out, but then turn walk over and give Mom a hug first, hoping it shows her I'm sorry and that I believe in her. "Catch ya later, Twig." I tell Sara and then make my way out.

Kira's closing up the store when I get there. She's wearing jeans again. She's been wearing them more often, but she's topped it off with a tie-dyed sweatshirt that looks like something I've seen in movies that take place in the 60's.

While she finishes counting down the drawer, I make sure all the lights are off in the display cases. "Ready?" I ask as I walk up to her.

"Nope." Then, leaning forward, she gives me a quick kiss. "Now I am, Coach."

I thread my fingers through hers, wanting to feel her close to me. We have to let go for her to lock the door, but then we're attached again until I'm driving and she's sitting in the passenger side.

"I'm thinking about adding some red in my hair. What do you think?" Kira rolls her window down a bit. I've noticed that about her. That even if it's not hot, she seems to like the fresh air.

"I think it will look cool. I like your hair natural, too, though."

"Yeah?" I feel her eyes on me in the dark truck.

"Absolutely. You're gorgeous. I totally have a hot girlfriend."

Kira laughs like I hoped she would, stalls a couple seconds and then says, "I'll think about it."

I'm not sure what that means. If she'll think about keeping her hair as it is? Like I said, I like her no matter what. I love that I never know what to expect from her, but I want her to do it just for fun, not to search for the girl who's already sitting next to me.

Kira's quieter than usual. I keep glancing at her, but her eyes stay forward. Soon, she's putting her window down all the way, her arm hanging out as she makes waves in the wind. Shouldn't be so sexy, but it is. Everything she does makes me see things differently. Even stupid arm waves.

And if anyone could hear my thoughts right now, I'd never live it down.

"You okay over there?" I ask, reaching my hand over to lay it on her thigh.

"Just thinking..."

"Truth or dare," I throw at her. It's up to her, if she wants to talk or not. That's the way we work, but this way, she knows I'm here to talk. That, just like she said, I want to know anything about her she wants to tell me.

Leaning back, she puts her feet up on my dashboard. "Truth. Lana might have found my mom."

"What?" Before she can reply, I pull over. This is definitely a park-on-the-side-of-the-road kind of conversation. The truck glows when I hit the interior light. "How did that happen?"

"I asked her to look a long time ago. She's done a lot of work for shelters around LA. Knows a lot of people. We always figured my...mom? That she had to be homeless or whatever. So people listen, ya know? One of the women, I guess she just got clean or something, she's still on the streets, but she's been asking around about a baby who was left at a shelter."

Just got clean. On the streets. Asking about a baby. "Come here." My hand cups her cheek and slides through her hair. I want nothing more than to be here for her, take care of her, let her know I'm here to listen or do whatever she needs. Because that's what she does for me, even if she doesn't realize it. And it feels good to give and take.

Kira scoots closer to me. Our foreheads touch. I'm still holding her, feeling the soft strands of her hair brushing against my fingers. "How do you feel about that? Her? I mean, do you want to meet her?"

She breathes. I breathe. We take turns, the heat of our air lingering and blending between us.

"I don't know. I mean, Lana's always been there. She loves me and I love her, so is it wrong to want to see who this lady is? I don't want to hurt Lana, and no matter what, she's my mom, but..."

I let my hand slide through her hair and cup the back of her neck.

"I also need to know who I am, Carter. She can tell me that."

"Hey." When I back away enough to see her, I notice her eyes are flooded. I've seen a lot of girls I care about cry: Mom, Sara, Mel, but nothing is like seeing Kira cry. She's fun, and wild, and free and happy. Tears don't belong in her eyes. Frowns don't belong on her lips. It's not right. "You have to do what you want, but meeting her? That's not going to tell you who you are. You already know who you are. I know who you are. You don't need her for that."

"You do?"

"I do. And I like what I see."

A smile is her reply. "I like what I see, too, Carter Shaw."

When she asks me truth or dare, the truth sticks to my tongue. I want to tell her about grandpa, about Mom, but more than that, I want tonight to be about her and making her feel better without my problems pushing their way in.

"Dare," I tell her. "Dare me to kiss you."

Kira laughs. "I don't have to dare you to do that." And then it's her who leans forward to kiss me, but right before her lips touch mine, I speak again.

"Go to winter formal with me."

"I would have thought that was a given, Coach."

We're both laughing as our lips meet in the middle.

Chapter Fifteen

"It feels weird waiting for Kira to come over here instead of picking her up. Shouldn't I lose points for that or something?" I'm standing in front of the mirror, slipping on my suit jacket. My black slacks are a little baggy, just how I like them. I thought about tucking in the white, button-up shirt, but it it's not really my style and I know Kira won't mind. She'll want me to be me. I went back and forth on the tie, but ditched it, too. Unfortunately, my Nikes had to go, replaced by a pair of black dress shoes. I can't imagine if I tried to pull this off with Mel. I probably wouldn't even have tried.

"No, you don't lose points for that. Lana had to go to work and she wants to see you guys together. Are you sure you shouldn't wear the tie?" Mom asks from the doorway.

"Nope."

"Okay, what about your hair? It's a little messy."

Kira likes it like this, I want to tell her. "I brushed it after I washed it." Mom groans so I turn to her. "Mom, I know Kira. She's not like other girls. She's different. She'd probably laugh at me if I tried too hard."

Mom steps up behind me, brushing invisible lint off my shoulders. "You really like her, don't you?"

My chest starts to feel a little tight. "Yeah."

Mom takes a couple deep breaths, and I know something big is coming. "You're being safe, right? I'm not an idiot. Even though I'd rather you waited, I know how it is. I just want to make sure you're being careful. Taking care of your responsibilities, which are to always, always use a condom."

So not the thing I want to talk about with my mom. "Mom..."

"I know it's embarrassing, but it's also important. Do you need protection? I—"

My cheeks feel hot. I don't remember the last time I blushed. Pulling away, "Lalalala," I tease. "We really don't have to do this, Ma. We're not sleeping together and if it does happen, I have it under control. I won't be stupid about it." End of story. I hope.

A smile tugs at the corners of Mom's mouth. She's been smiling a lot lately. Still not drinking, even after all the crap with Grandpa. Hopefully he'll stay hidden away in his new nursing home and we won't have to deal with him again.

"I know you won't. If I don't say it enough, there aren't words for how proud I am of you. Your father would be, too. You're so much like him." Mom touches my cheek. "Any time I'm missing him, I just have to look at you. You're a wonderful guy, just like him."

"I..." It's the first time she's said that to me. We talk about him all the time. I know how much she loved him, still loves him, but she's never told me any of this. For the millionth time, I wish he could be here with us. How different would our lives have been if he never died? I bet she wouldn't drink. I never remember her drinking when he was alive. But then...we wouldn't have Sara, either, so it's not like I can really wish for him to be here.

"I know, Carter," Mom says, saving me.

Turning toward the mirror again, I straighten the collar on my jacket. "You have to admit, I look good."

***

Holy shit.

I can't move out of the entryway to my house. One hand is on the door, the other against the wall, blocking Kira and Lana from entering, but I can't find it in myself to step out of the way. My body temperature spikes about a million degrees. I try to fight it, but my mind goes back to the conversation I had with Mom a little while ago, suddenly wanting to be in the situation where I'll need the protection she talked about.

Kira is always gorgeous. Tonight, I realize she's the most beautiful girl in the world.

Her hair is straight, but tied up in some kind of ball. Little wispy multi-color ribbons blend in, hanging down. I love her hair down, but up like this, it shows me her neck. Her very nice neck. I like necks.

Her dress reaches right above her knees, showing me her legs. I like legs.

The straps are thin, I don't know what they're called, but they show me her collarbone, shoulders. Lots of creamy brown skin. I like skin.

Even though the bottom of her dress flares out, the top is tight. Not too tight, but hugging her curves, her breasts. I like curves and breasts.

Her dress is kind of silky, and colorful, just like her. All the bright colors from her ribbons are in the dress, too. I like it. I like her.

"Fancy seeing you here, Coach." Her teeth are so white. My porch light glints off the tiny diamond in her nose. I take in her cheekbones again. Everything about her I want to study. To know in a way that I can never forget it.

My brain knows I should reply, but I can't. I just can't stop staring.

Lana leans toward her and says, "I think he likes it."

Her words pull me out of my Kira-trance. Lana ducks under my arm, either joining my mom behind me or running all the way to China for all I know. The most important thing is she's left me and Kira alone. "You're incredible," I finally say.

A dusting of red highlights her cheeks and travels south. "You're not so bad yourself."

***

"I hope that's okay. I thought you'd like it better than roses or something like that." I wanted to give her a corsage that was different like her, so I'm hoping the Lily isn't too...big. Travis stood in the florist with me for an hour. And he totally gave me crap about it a couple times too, but it's been worth it. "I didn't realize it would be so..."

"Perfect," she says. Before clapping her hands together which I've noticed is always what she does when she gets an idea. "Okay! This is what we're going to do tonight. Let's make a deal that we'll just have fun. Not that I don't always have fun with you, but tonight is 'Happy Kira and Carter night'. What do you think?"

I'm pretty sure it sounds incredible. "Deal. Just one question, though—"

"Carter!"

"Just one. I swear. I just want to know...did you decide if you're going? To LA?"

Kira shakes her head. "No, I didn't decide, now shh. Happy Kira and Carter night."

"Happy Kira and Carter night," I echo after her.

"So, what do you know about the girl Travis is going with?" Kira plays with one of the colored ribbons in her hair. I get out of the car, and run around to open her door before answering.

"Not much. She doesn't go to our school. He met her at a party or something like that." I lock my fingers together with hers. "And I know she isn't as beautiful as you."

Kira's eyes dart to the ground, before she recovers, giving me one of her sassy looks. "I thought you haven't seen her before, Coach."

"I haven't." And then, before I look like more of an idiot by getting even sappier, I lead her toward the restaurant. We picked a little Italian place. The lights are dim when we walk in, those red and white checkered table cloths that I thought they only use in movies are lying across each table. There are candles at each one, which I hope will be bright enough to let the light glitter off her nose ring because...well, because it's sexy.

"What's up?" Travis waves his hand at us from the table. I hold in my laugh. Loser. He went with a tie. The girl sitting next to him is Asian. She's tiny. Like practically microscopic. She's pretty, though.

"Hey," I say when we get to the table, then pull Kira's chair out for her. I take the seat next to her.

"Carter, Kira, this is Patrice. Patrice, Kira and Carter. Wow... I never said your names together before. They even start with the same sound. How cute!" Travis teases. I roll my eyes at my best friend.

We launch into conversation, Travis and I jumping into basketball talk and how much we rock. Patrice looks a little lost in the conversation. Apparently Travis hasn't filled her in too much on his life.

"You can come with me to their next home game if you want," Kira offers and my eyes shoot to Travis. Hopefully he's planning on seeing this girl more than once. He shrugs like it's okay.

After dinner we take our separate cars with plans to meet up at the dance right after. All the dances except for Prom are held in the high school gym. Totally lame, if you ask me, but whatever.

"Travis seems different lately. Like he's upset or something." Kira latches her seat belt.

"Yeah." She's right. It's because of his parents though. Not like I can give him shit for having trouble dealing with his parents' split. "He's going through a lot right now."

"You should spend more time with him. Might help."

My heart starts beating really fast all of a sudden. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

Kira laughs. "No way, Coach, but he's your best friend. He needs you. We're always together. Aren't guys supposed to be all 'bros before hos' or something like that?"

"You're not a ho. You're..." What is she? Okay, stupid question, but it kind of hits me all of a sudden. I know Kira's different. That I like her in a way I've never liked another girl. She's gorgeous and funny, and understanding, and... "Awesome." It probably has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever said, but I don't know what else to say and now I'm sitting here contemplating my feelings like no guy ever really likes to do and it's...

She laughs again. "You're...awesome too."

"I know." I squeeze her hand when I say it, and then let go so I can pull into the parking lot. Saved by her declaration of my awesomeness.

The gym is dark except for the strobe lights and other colored lights they have hanging all over the place. There's a deejay in the corner, playing some mix of Britney Spears or some crap like that. We look around for Travis and Patrice, but don't see them, so I take a seat at one of the tables.

"Dance with me!" Kira calls over the music.

I look around, the image of her dancing at the party fills my brain until it's all I see. Until the image of me trying to dance jerks into my head and fantasy-Kira trips over my feet as I try to dance with her. "It's not a slow song..."

"Good observation." I'm sitting on top of the table, and Kira comes forward and steps between my legs, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Don't tell me you can't dance."

"Oh, no. I can dance." I lean forward and nuzzle her neck. "Just not well," I whisper against her skin. Kira shivers. Shivers! Goosebumps slide down her skin and I want to kiss every single little bump on her.

"That's a tragedy." I'm still kissing her while she speaks and it's making her voice all raspy. Totally hot.

"Not if we get to do this instead," I reply.

"Hey! Break it up before I have to give you two detentions!"

Kira looks up at the sound of Travis's voice, forcing me to pull my lips away from her neck.

"You suck." I notice his eyes are a little red and glossy. I cock my head to the side, studying him.

"Patrice? Do you dance? My boyfriend won't dance with me." Kira's completely out of my arms as she talks to Travis's date.

Patrice confirms and the next thing I know, Kira's kissing me goodbye and walking away to go dance with Patrice. Travis falls next to me, onto the table. The second he does, I get an all too familiar whiff of alcohol. It shouldn't be a big deal. It really shouldn't. Travis has always drunk. Not all the time, but he parties once in a while like everyone else. He's smart about it and I've never know him to drink before coming onto school grounds before. It's not like either of us never break rules or anything, but the school is strict on this. If he gets caught, he's off the team. He'll probably get kicked out of school his senior year.

And even though he's always partied from time to time, he's been doing it a lot lately. It's different. "Dude, are you drunk?"

Travis does a double take and then laughs. "Wow...you totally just sounded like my dad. Well, what my dad sounded like when he lived at home and could actually catch me if I did something."

My stomach starts to roll. "Hey, I know it sucks or whatever, but still. I mean, I'm not saying you can't party, but don't do it here. What about the team?" Carter's stupid comment number two. Why aren't I telling him not to drink at all? That it only makes things worse? That before he knows it he'll be hiding bottles of alcohol in his closet and damaging everyone he knows?

He pats my shoulder. "There's more to life than ball, man."

"No shit, but still. It's up there. It always has been. You couldn't handle it if you got kicked off the team."

"Then be quiet and stop talking about it so no one knows." He leaps off the table. "I'm gonna go dance with my date. You should be doing the same thing rather than trying to babysit me." Travis heads over to the girls, squeezing his way between them and wrapping his arms around Patrice, who doesn't seem to mind. Kira backs up a little before turning and heading over to me.

"Hey. What's wrong?" She asks, taking her position between my legs again.

I open my mouth to tell her, but then stop. Am I freaking out? Overreacting? I mean, how many people drink and have fun? Drinking before a dance doesn't make him Mom. "Nothing." I hug her close to me, but can't concentrate to continue where we left off a few minutes ago. Instead, I watch Travis across the gym. The familiar question hits me again. Am I doing the right thing? Should I say something? Do something? But then, why does it always have to be me. Why am I always the one responsible for everyone else? For one night, I just wanted to be free with Kira. Free to have a good time without any of the other shit and I'm determined to make that happen. Even when she kisses my ear before whispering, "Liar, liar pants on fire."

***

Kira and I spend the dance sitting on the table. We talk a little bit, but I'm watching Travis. He's laughing with Patrice and having the kind of fun I should be having. They disappear every once in a while, but then find their way back to the floor dancing and laughing. I suck. I know I do because Kira deserves to be having that much fun, but instead, she's stuck with me, who's stuck babysitting someone else, hoping they won't drink too much.

"Wow. Like the suit, Carter. You'd think you could at least try to dress up." Mel and Trina stand next to the table, two guys I don't know with them. She's all princessed-out, even wearing a tiara. What did I ever see in this girl?

"Since I didn't come with you, I don't see why you care what I'm wearing."

Kira's hand tightens on my arm. "Plus, he looks gorgeous. You know, he has the kind of hair a girl loves running her hands through." There's all sorts of innuendo in Kira's voice that makes me want to cheer for my girl.

"Whatever. Excuse us while we actually go have fun at the dance. My date actually wants to dance with me."

I open my mouth to say something, not caring that Mel is now walking away from me because she's not the one I want to talk to. "Shit. I'm ruining this, aren't I?"

We've sat through all the slow songs. All the fast songs while everyone around us is free to have fun. "I'm sorry," I turn to her and say, hoping she understands where it comes from. "I want to dance with you. Have fun with you."

Before she replies, a slow song comes on. "Then dance with me, Carter Shaw." She stands up and holds out her hand. I grab it, leading her to a corner of the gym before pulling her close. So close that she couldn't get closer without being a part of me. Inside me. Me inside her. Together.