Текст книги "Jagged Love"

Автор книги: Nicole Simone

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

Sumiko had contradicted herself back in the hospital. She said she was happy I was opening my heart, but then went on to say you can’t trust anybody. Those two were mutually exclusive. Giving away your vital organ to a random stranger on a street corner would be dumb and illegal.

An inner battle of faith played out the week leading up to meeting Andrew’s parents. He had changed his Facebook status but a gnawing feeling I couldn’t put my finger on wouldn’t go away. In a certain sense it didn’t matter, heartbreak was inevitable. If Andrew and I parted ways, my heart would have to be duct taped and glued back together and even then it wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t be the same. Andrew had changed me for the better.

Forgiveness was creeping its way into my past and changing my outlook. My mom wouldn’t win any mother of the year awards but she provided a roof over my head and food on the table. She also taught me how to be a fighter who didn’t take bullshit from anyone. The bad moments overwhelmingly beat out the good; however, I couldn’t focus only on the bad. Some memories brought a smile to my face. Like, the time my mom had once brought home my favorite candy bar just because, or when she allowed me to borrow her makeup. It was the little things that showed she cared. Trust went against my nature, yet I wanted to try my hardest for Andrew’s sake. He deserved nothing less.

“Is the heater on high enough for you?” Andrew adjusted the vents. “I can also turn on the seat warmers.”

On our drive to Ann Arbor, the golden hued trees held my attention captive. In Detroit, you didn’t get this kind of natural beauty.

“I’m actually a little too warm. Do you mind turning it down?”

I shed my light blue cardigan that was borrowed from Monica. She shockingly had a ton of clothes that were ‘meeting the parents’ appropriate. Mine, while classy, showed a tad more skin than deemed appropriate. Monica had lent me three dresses, two blouses, and a pair of heels for the next two days. As I looked out the window, snowflakes drifted from the clouds above and I wished I’d brought along a heavier coat.

Andrew fiddled with the heat some more and I swatted his hand away. “Concentrate on driving. I’ll do this.”

“Sorry, I’m a little nervous.”

While I appreciated his honesty, my own nerves didn’t benefit. I wanted to jump into the snow-dusted grass and sprint toward the city lights of Detroit. Older people, especially wealthy older people intimidated me. They were a rare breed of animal I had only gotten a glimpse at through their insulated bubble. At eighteen, I had a brief gig as a catering waitress until a tray of caviar covered crackers spilled on the Mayor. He wasn’t happy.

“Why are you nervous? You have met your parents before, I haven’t.” I pointed to my chest. “I’m the one who has to scrounge up dinner party topics and act as if their son is the best thing since sliced bread.”

Andrew looked at me from corner of his eye. “You don’t think I’m the best thing since sliced bread?”

“Whole wheat, maybe, but defiantly not potato,” I joked.

“Baby, I’m cinnamon raisin swirl. A challenge with a sweet reward.”

I barked out a laugh. “Ha! You were not a challenge. I could have had you at the snap of my fingers.”

“Really? Is that what you think?” He flicked on the turn single and directed the car to the side of the road. “We will see about that.”

“I’m not having sex with you, Andrew. I don’t want to show up at your mother’s with my clothes wrinkled and smelling like a whore house.”

Andrew unbuckled his seat belt.

“I’m serious,” I warned.

A yelp escaped my lips as he threw my seat into reverse so that I ended up flat on my back. He climbed across the gearshift and loomed over me. Lust blossomed in his gaze, weakening my resolve. Andrew’s fingers grazed my bare inner thigh while we locked eyes.

“Do you want this?” he asked huskily.

I gulped. “No, get off of me. Your parents are waiting for us.”

“They can wait.” He continued his journey to the outer edge of my black lace thong but didn’t stop like I wanted him to. Andrew’s hands grabbed my hips and pulled my crotch against his trousers. “I’ll ask you more one time. Do you want this, Haven?”

My name sounded like honey dripping from his lips. Need coursed through my veins. Fuck yes, I want this.

Gripping his t-shirt, our mouths inches from each other, I whispered. “You know I do.”

Andrew grinned wickedly as he lowered his head and stole my breath with a soul-shattering kiss. The windows fogged up with our desire.

As we broke apart, I whimpered. “More.”

Ignoring my request, he climbed back to the driver’s side with a tent in his pants. “See, I am a challenge. You broke in under a minute.”

Outraged, not to mention hot and bothered, I yanked my seat to an upright position and glared at Andrew. “Are you fucking kidding me? You did that to prove a point?”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

Frustrated, I was beyond speaking intelligently. “Argh!”

“Was that English?”

“Hush.”

Laughing, he pressed the start button and put the car in drive. Thank God I wasn’t a dude or else I would be meeting Andrew’s family for the first time with a hard on.

Stately gates opened to a gravel driveway framed by an immaculate lawn. It wound up the hill where a French chateau stood, looking as if it belonged in one of those snooty TV shows about British monarchs. I couldn’t imagine having this as my vacation house. Why would anyone need this much room for five weeks out of the year? Wealthy people were a weird bunch and I had a feeling things would get weirder over the next two days. Partly because there were hedges carved into various animals staring at me.

I turned to Andrew, straight faced. “There isn’t enough room for me here. I think I’ll get a room at the Motel 6.”

“Ha, ha,” he said. “Before we got out, there are a few things I want to mention.”

“Oh God, you lied didn’t you? Your parents have no idea I exist.”

“Of course they know you exist. Jesus, don’t be a drama queen,” Andrew snapped.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I looked out the window, hurt. “You didn’t have to invite me here.”

“I’m sorry, Haven. My family, while wonderful, is….”

Snapping my head around, I filled in the words he couldn’t say. “Is in a higher class than me? Is that? Are you embarrassed to be seen with the girl from the other side of tracks?”

“Don’t pin your insecurities on me.” He paused. Heaving a sigh, he ran his hands through his hair. “We got off track. My parents are conservative, especially my mom. It would save us both a heap of trouble if you didn’t mention we were living together.”

I lifted my shoulder in a shrug. “Sure, whatever.”

“My siblings though have a more modern view on life but most importantly….” He flashed an encouraging smile. “Be yourself.”

Yeah, right, be myself as long as I acted polished and groomed like a Stepford wife. Regret about agreeing to the visit churned in my stomach. The front door to the mansion opened as we stepped out of the car. With his mother’s honey chestnut hair and unlined face, it became obvious where Andrew got his good looks. Behind his mother was Andrew’s father, a man in his early fifties with gray a speckled beard. His hand rested on her lower back.

His mother’s arms spread open. “Andrew!”

“Hey, Mom! Happy anniversary.” He dropped his luggage and folded himself into her embrace. “Thanks for having us.”

Stepping back, his mom cradled his face in her hands. Devotion twinkled in her gaze. “Of course, sweetie. I’m just happy you could make it. I know how busy your schedule is. I’m sorry we couldn’t make it your art show by the way. Your father and I had a work function.”

“No worries.” Andrew smiled at his father. “You look as old as ever.”

“And you look as ugly as ever.”

The two man sealed their inside joke with a hug and clapped each other on the backs. Holding my purse to my chest, I waited for Andrew to introduce us. Snowflakes melted on my exposed feet and my teeth rattled together. I stared at the house longingly, where I imagined a roaring fire and mug of hot chocolate were waiting for me.

Andrew’s mother’s sapphire colored eyes found mine. “Hello! You must be Haven. Andrew told us so much about you.” She glided down the front steps and took my numb hand into her palm. “Oh darling! You are freezing. Let’s get you inside.”

“I’m ok,” I said weakly.

“You are not ok! You are frigid.” She lowered her voice as she winked. “What women do for fashion, huh?”

I immediately felt myself warm toward her. Andrew’s mom was the kind of mother I longed for as a child. Welcoming, kind, and made you feel as if you were part of the family within five seconds of meeting her.

“I’m Candice, but everybody calls me Candy,” she said while ushering me into the house.

“It’s nice to meet you, Candy.”

The nickname was an odd fit for a former Amish girl turned wealthy housewife. I would have to ask Andrew the context behind it later. We stepped into the grand foyer with a double staircase and a crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. While there wasn’t a picture frame out of place, coziness emitted from the space. You could tell a lot of memories took place here.

Breathing in the scent of apple cider, I grinned. “It smells like fall.”

“My husband and I met in October so every year for our anniversary we gather the family and make gingersnaps, apple cider, DIY wreaths, the whole nine yards.”

“Wow.”

“You’re overwhelming her, Mom,” Andrew said to my left. “Remember we are supposed to ease guests into our craziness.”

Candy waved away his remark. “You hush. I can already tell Haven is going to be a master gingersnap baker.”

“I thought that title went to me.” A young woman dressed in ripped jeans and a college sweatshirt walked into the room. She looked like Candy’s mini-me except rounder in the face. “I have a trophy to prove it.”

Trophy? Andrew’s family was really into tradition.

His sister glanced over at me and showed off a blinding set of white teeth. “Are you my brother’s new girlfriend?”

That was a good question. Andrew and I hadn’t discussed our official title but considering we lived together, slept together, and had strong feelings toward each other then yes, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. Nonetheless, I didn’t want to make an ass out of myself if that wasn’t the case. Andrew was known for being hot and cold.

Candy chimed in. “No, she is a random stranger off the street,” she retorted sarcastically. “Of course she is Andrew’s girlfriend and she has a name—Haven.”

“Jesus Mom, I was just asking.” Andrew’s sister moaned. “Why do you have to be like that?”

“Like what?”

“Embarrassing.”

Watching their exchange was a hilarious peek into what a healthy mother-daughter relationship was like. I held my tongue to keep from giggling.

“I’m not embarrassing.” She glanced at Andrew and her husband to confirm. They stared at her blankly. “Whatever, I’m nothing compared to Grandma June. Last year, she dressed the pumpkins in lacy lingerie because she thought they needed more spice.”

Andrew, his dad, and sister murmured their agreement. Based upon what Andrew had revealed about his family, my initial perception of them was off base. They weren’t bourgeois or stuck up. They were just like any other close knit family that loved each other. Although, I stood by what I’d guessed earlier. These next two days weren’t going to be boring.

Candy steered her daughter toward the kitchen. “Come on, you have a pot of apple cider to stir.”

Andrew’s dad stepped forward, his handsome face breaking into a warm smile. “I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself earlier. I’m Mark.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too. Andrew will show you where your bedroom is for the weekend. There are extra towels in your bathroom and if you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask us.”

“Thank you,” I said, touched.

“Enjoy the peacefulness while it lasts. My extended family is coming in an hour,” Mark joked.

Andrew and I were the last two in the foyer. He came up behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. Sensing my annoyance with him hadn’t worn off, Andrew apologized again. “I’m sorry. My parents didn’t like Camilla or any other girlfriend of mine for that matter. They never thought any of them were good enough for me.”

Spinning around, chest to chest, I looked into his dark brown eyes. “You didn’t believe I was different?”

“No quite the opposite. I was afraid my family would fall for you and then it would be a thousand times harder to let you go.” Andrew lips quirked at the corners. “Looks like it’s going that way.”

My chest squeezed at the sadness his confession evoked. There were two and half months left before my planned road trip, which was a ways off, however, time slipped by quickly. I would blink and it would be upon us. Leaving Andrew wouldn’t be easy for me either.

“I don’t have to go,” I said without meaning a word of it.

Andrew thankfully shook his head. “No, you do. This has been a dream of yours that I will not stand in the way of. I’ll just have to sleep with your pillow every night and pretend as if you are there.”

“Or you can come with me.” The idea popped out of my mouth before my brain connected. My eyes widened in surprise as did Andrew’s. I backpedaled. “I mean, that is if you wanted to. Obviously, you have work commitments.”

“I can paint anywhere and or get a fresh perspective and start something new like woodworking,” he stated.

“Yeah exactly, but feel free to think about it. We don’t need to make any rash decisions right now.”

“Of course not.” Andrew planted a kiss against my forehead. “Let me show you to your room.”

As we ascended the staircase, my heart fluttered with anxiety. For the past two years, that dream had been mine and mine alone. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to share it with anyone else, even if that person was Andrew.

My bedroom for the weekend had black stained hardwood floors, white walls, and original crown molding. A plush duvet was thrown over a four-poster bed and covered in a million pillows. My feet sunk into a fake bearskin rug as I approached the fireplace. Looking at the remote on my nightstand, I tried to make sense of which button controlled what. I gave up with a sigh and sat crossed legged on the floor. With thirty minutes until I had to go back downstairs, I pondered Andrew’s and my future. Up until two weeks or so ago, I didn’t have to factor anybody into my life plans. Although Andrew hadn’t asked me to, as a couple you made decisions together.

My road trip around the United States then Europe didn’t have an end goal. Basically, I would go wherever the wind blew me, which would put the kibosh on our relationship if he didn’t join. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask him to wait around. Meanwhile, the idea of taking this journey solo seemed lonely all of a sudden. I had gotten used to Andrew being my partner in crime. A knocked sounded on my door.

“Come in,” I yelled.

Andrew stepped into the room, looking dashing in a sweater and faded jeans. His hair slightly damp from the shower curled at the base of his neck. Happiness warmed my stomach. I didn’t know whether or not Andrew belonged in my dream but I did know he belonged in the here and now with me.

“Hey, my mom wants to know if you are up for a bake-off between my sister and you?”

“Seriously?”

“My family is competitive.”

The last competition I’d entered ended in tears and humiliation. Granted, my mom’s idea of entering me in a spelling bee at six years old wasn’t the best idea. I was a horrible speller but that didn’t matter. My mom had her eye on the thousand dollar grand prize. When the judge had asked me to spell fragile, I threw up on the stage. A thousand people staring at my puke-stained clothes was mortifying. If that happened in front of Andrew’s family, it would be scarring.

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to pass. I’m not a baker,” I said.

“How do you know that if you haven’t tried?”

“I have tried and it’s not pretty.”

Andrew wasn’t a man to give up. That’s where we were similar. “There has to be something you’re good at making.”

“Yeah it’s called poor man’s chocolate croissants and I don’t think your family wants toasted white bread with melted chocolate.”

“What are you talking about? That sounds great! Make that.”

In that moment, I wanted to squeeze the daylights out of him. His encouraging nature was incredibly enduring. I felt as if he would support whatever hair brained idea or dream that manifested during our time together. Conceding, I got to my feet and brushed past Andrew into the hallway. The sounds of a large party happening downstairs were filled with joy.

“Is the apple cider laced with alcohol by chance?” I asked Andrew.

“Of course. My mom may have been Amish once, but she isn’t anymore.”

“Alright then I’ll do the bake-off.” I waved my pointer finger at him. “But only once I have a drink in me, and only then.”

“Your wish is my command.”

Grabbing my hand, he tugged me into the middle of the gathering. Little kids ran free squealing, while the adults nibbled at appetizers and sipped their chilled glasses of wine. There had to be at least thirty people milling around the house. Mark wasn’t kidding when he said to enjoy the silence while it lasted. Andrew’s dad’s side of the family was huge.

I must have appeared as overwhelmed as I felt because Andrew’s thumb begun to knead my palm. “Relax,” he whispered.

“I’m relaxed.”

Andrew glanced over his shoulder, his eyebrows raised. “Then lessen up on the steel grip, Rocky.”

My hand went lack as I mumbled an apology. Crowds of people weren’t my forte. Walking into the kitchen, Andrew’s mom and sister stood kneading bread dough on a marble slab. Flour dusted their aprons. They glanced up at our entry.

“Did you get settled in all right?” Candy asked.

“Yes, thank you. It’s a beautiful room.” I replied.

“I have been saving it for future grandkids, but so far that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen anytime soon.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Michael is dating somebody. Maybe he will marry this one.” He glanced around the room. “Where is that bastard anyways? He said he would be here.”

His mom swiped her brow with the back of her hand. “The snow delayed his flight, but he will be here soon.”

“All right, well Haven said she would go head to head on a cookie duel if you are still up for it,” Andrew said to his sister.

“Hell yeah I am! There is a new recipe I have been perfecting. My roommates at college were my taste testers but they got mad at me for making them fat.” She pouted. “They didn’t have to eat all the samples.”

Nerves twisted my stomach into knots. “Do we have to go into this blind? I haven’t memorized any recipes.”

Andrew’s mom spoke. “Of course not. Constance is an overachiever, always has been. That’s why she was the first in the family to get into an Ivy League college.”

“I’m standing right here,” Constance said.

“I know, pumpkin. We are so proud of you.” Candy smiled sweetly then glanced over at me. “Do you bake often, Haven?”

I shook my head. “No, but I’m an old pro at burning things.”

Andrew squeezed my shoulders. “She is being modest. There is a recipe she would love to bake everybody tomorrow morning.”

His family wouldn’t eat processed white bread with melted chocolate. They probably didn’t have white bread in the house. If I had to take a wild guess, their pantry was stocked with artisan ingredients and natural flours like almond or whole wheat.

“No there isn’t, it’s nothing.” I said quickly then proceeded to change the subject. “Would you like any help?”

Andrew’s mom and sister shared a look. Constance moved a couple inches to the right and threw an extra ball of dough on the marble slab.

“We will get your feet wet first with kneading. After dinner if you are up to it, we can have the bake-off,” Andrew’s mom said.

I pushed my sleeves to my elbows. “Sounds good.”

“Have fun, girls.” Andrew slipped back into the chaos without getting me a glass of cider first like he’d promised.

Guess I would have to do this conversing thing sober. I watched Constance’s hands fold the dough over onto itself, flip it around and repeat. Replicating her movements, a rhythm between us three was formed. A peacefulness settled over me as a white washed light slanted across the floors. Cinnamon and clove hung in the air and kids’ laughter floated in through the swinging kitchen door. If I closed my eyes, it almost felt like this could have been my life. The large family gatherings, inside jokes, and endless outpouring of love. An ache thrummed underneath my breastbone.

Andrew’s sister broke the tranquility. “How did you and Andrew meet?”

“We met at the coffee shop I was working at. He subdued an outraged customer before the man could strangle me.”

Candy gasped. “People these days are too wound up. Andrew taught me a few yoga moves and they have worked wonders for my stress.”

I couldn’t help but wonder if Camilla and Andrew’s mom practiced yoga together. For somebody who moved halfway across the world, Camilla was an unshakable presence.

“Mom, doing down dog, or whatever you call it won’t solve the world’s problems.” Andrew’s sister slapped the dough. “What we need to do is implement Europe’s take on life. Naps during the day and two months of vacation.”

“You already do that and you have three months of vacation,” Candy reminded her daughter.

“Whatever, Yale is hard.”

“It better be for the sixty thousand dollars I’m shelling out per year.”

Now it was my turn to gasp. Their heads swiveled toward me and I coughed. “Sorry, something was in my throat,” I lied.

Sixty thousand was enough for a down payment on a house. It was hard to imagine having that amount of money when I hardly had enough to eat growing up. Andrew’s sister shaped the dough into a loaf and set it into a pan. Brushing melted butter on top, she threw the pan into the scorching hot oven.

“I told Kescher I would call him at four. I’ll be back.” Whipping off her apron, she exited the kitchen.

“Kescher is her boyfriend,” Andrew’s mom explained. “We haven’t met him yet but Constance gushes about him. Young love, huh?”

I politely murmured my agreement. We shaped our loaves and set them in the oven to bake. Andrew’s mom fiddled with a timer, turning the dial to sixty minutes.

“We have some time to get to know each other.” Andrew’s mom gestured to the dining room table. “Sit, I’ll fix us a cup of apple cider.”

Seeing no choice in the matter, my butt plopped into a sea grass woven chair. The scratchy material rubbed against my legs. I felt as if I was about to get interrogated. Andrew’s mom handed me a mug and tipped a small amount of rum into the drink. Since getting drunk and spilling my guts wasn’t on my agenda, I managed my intake.

“So Haven, tell me a little about yourself. You said you work at a coffee shop?”

On second thought, I swallowed a mouthful of apple cider. “Yes, I worked at The Roasted Bean but the owner to close shop until further notice.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. What are doing in the mean time?”

Having wild monkey sex with your son wasn’t the appropriate answer even if it was the truth. Nonetheless whenever anybody asked that question, they were really searching for your motivation, aka what gets you up in the morning.

“I’m exploring my options,” I said.

Andrew’s mom peered at me as if she was waiting for additional information.

“I work at a nightclub part time, catering to drunk people. It’s not very glamorous.”

“Most jobs aren’t. When I was a nurse, all kind of substances would end up on me. Blood, feces, you name it.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Yeah, but at the end of the day, you’re saving lives. That’s what counts.”

I blew on my drink. “I’m not saving lives. I’m getting people drunk.”

Candy’s musical laugh brought a smile to my face. I’m glad she wasn’t ashamed her son was dating a glorified waitress.

“Honey, you are bringing happiness and a good time. That counts as well,” she pointed out.

Candy’s candor made me want to spill my guts to her. I didn’t have a maternal figure to shove wisdom into my life anymore. Correction: I never did. My mom’s sage advice was to always bag it before you fuck it and that was the extent of her wisdom.

“Honestly I haven’t found my passion yet.” My eyes locked onto her hers, but there wasn’t any judgment, only kindness. I went on. “It seems like everybody is preaching about finding what you love and then doing that as a career but what if you never got that opportunity? Growing up, my mom didn’t shuttle me to ballet lessons or music lessons. I had to be the one to ensure I had a ride home once school let out. It was me against the world for twenty-three years and only now since Andrew has come into my life, my breathing has come easier. I finally broke the surface and can look around.” Candy handed me a napkin. Touching my cheeks, they were wet with tears. “Sorry, I’m not usually this emotional, especially with people I just met.”

“Don’t apologize. It sounds like you needed to get it off your chest.”

I fixed my makeup and dabbed away the smudged mascara underneath my lower lash line. “Yeah, guess so. Thanks for listening. Andrew is lucky to have you as a mom.”

“I’m lucky to have him as a son. He wasn’t easy as a teenager being a boy with raging hormones but I wasn’t worried about him. I always knew he would figure it out and I was right. You are two similar in that way.”

“How so?”

“You don’t seem like the kind of girl who sits back and lets life fly by. You take the bull by the horns. Whatever you are meant to do will present itself. Be patient.”

“Patience isn’t my strong suit,” I said.

“‘Wise to resolve, and patient to perform’ –Homer,” she quoted.

The spiked apple cider made me feel drowsy. Stifling a yawn, I tucked my feet underneath me and fought the urge to close my eyes.

Andrew laughed at something as he walked into the kitchen. A red plastic cup was in his hand. “Mom, stop hogging my girlfriend,” he joked.

“I like this one, Andrew, don’t mess it up,” she said sternly, flashing me a grin, which I returned.

Glancing around the open kitchen, a sense of belonging stole my breath. This was what I’d been looking for. A connection to a family unlike my own. Andrew was right. After today, it was going to be a thousand times harder to leave.