Текст книги "Stealing Harper"

Автор книги: Molly McAdams

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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

Chapter Fourteen

“HARPER?” BREE CALLED, and rushed to the entryway.

All the air left my body, and I struggled to take in a breath. It’d been over nine hours since I had gotten off the phone with Brandon, and though Bree had been texting him most the day, I was terrified Harper wouldn’t be coming. But she did; she’d come back. Thank God. Bile rose in my throat, and I forced it back down as flashes of waking up next to Trish flew through my mind.

God damn it.

I heard Harper and Bree make their way into the living room and was somehow able to lift my head to look at my world—and what I saw made me want to die. Her eyes were red, her cheeks splotchy, and she looked like someone had ripped out her heart.

Me. I did that. I’m the one who put that look on her face.

I started to stand, but Dad pushed me back down, and I couldn’t even try to fight against him. It felt like someone had shot me in the chest, and with the pain radiating through my body, I didn’t know how I was alive—let alone breathing. I watched as Harper hugged Mom tightly for a few moments and wanted to yell at everyone to leave, I wanted to be the one holding her. Needed to be the one holding her. Her eyes flashed over to me quickly when the others started leaving the room, and in the split second they held mine, I felt all of my pain mixed with hers. What have I done?

“Baby—”

“Don’t. Call. Me. That.” Her eyes flattened out as she spoke through a clenched jaw.

“Harper, please, I messed up,” I choked out, and didn’t care about the tears falling down my face anymore. There was no point in trying to stop them now. “I don’t remember anything, you have to believe that I wouldn’t do that to you.” My voice gave out again, and I forced the lump back down. I’d hurt her so many times before, but all of that had been to save her from me. Not now, though—not this time. I wouldn’t do that to my princess.

“Why her, Chase? The one person I hate! How could you do this to me? How could you do this to our baby?”

I flinched back as if she’d slapped me. “I didn’t. I mean—I don’t know, I don’t remember anything!” God, why can’t I remember the rest of last night? “I was at the party and the next thing I know I’m waking up to Breanna and Konrad screaming at me, and Trish is in my bed with me. But I swear I wouldn’t touch her, I wouldn’t touch anyone. I love you!” Didn’t she see that? After all this time, couldn’t Harper see how much I loved her and all I’d do for her?

One of Harper’s eyebrows rose shakily, and even through her pained expression, I could see the disgust in that look. “You really expect me to believe this? You know how I feel about her, Chase, then you invite her to a party I just happen not to be at? Everyone thinks you came back to me last night, and yet she walks out of your room this morning wearing your shirt, and you were practically naked in the bed?”

God, I would never have touched that woman—any woman—but especially not Trish. “I didn’t invite her, she invited me over again, and I told her no, with the excuse of the party. I didn’t know she was going to show up.”

“Why did you have to have the party as an excuse? Why can’t I be excuse enough? You should have told her a long time ago that she needed to stop, that you were in a relationship and going to be a father, and her flirting with you wasn’t okay! Instead, you let her continue to flirt with you and invite you over to her place in the middle of the night. When I was around, she would be hanging off your arm, and you think I’m going to believe that you didn’t sleep with her when I wasn’t around?”

“I thought she was gay! But I wouldn’t sleep with her, baby, you have to believe me!”

“You’re still sticking with that?” She looked expectantly at me as if waiting for another answer, and scoffed when she didn’t receive one. “That is exactly why I don’t believe you—you can’t even tell me the truth when you know I’ve seen the pictures.”

My body froze. Pictures. There are pictures? “What pictures?” She didn’t respond, just continued to sit in the large chair staring at me. My body shot off the couch, and I was yelling before I could stop myself, “What pictures, Harper?”

“Come on, Chase, they were taken with and sent to me from your phone.”

I struggled with getting my phone out of my pocket and began scrolling through my pictures, and checking the texts to Harper when I didn’t see anything new. All I could see was what I’d sent her this morning, after waking up, and normal stuff before that. “I don’t see anything.”

Princess sighed and started messing with her phone, and I swear I stopped breathing as I waited for her to be done doing whatever it was she was doing. Her phone repeatedly chimed, and once it died down, her shaky hand held it out to me. I didn’t want to see whatever was on that phone . . . I didn’t want to, but I had to. I reached forward to grab it and flipped back and forth between the two pictures a few times to make sure I wasn’t imagining things. My stomach tightened, and I thought I was going to throw up right there. I gasped for air, and my legs gave out on me; the pain from hitting the ground was welcomed as the worst nightmare of my life became a reality.

“Oh God. No. No, no I wouldn’t have.”

“Well, you obviously did.”

I couldn’t have! “I don’t remember this, I wouldn’t do this to you! You know I love you!”

“Maybe you were just that drunk.”

Drunk? She knew better than anyone that I hadn’t had anything to drink since the end of August. “I didn’t drink last night, I swear! Ask Bree!”

“Chase”—her voice came out soft and so calm it broke my heart more—“just stop lying to me.”

“I’m not lying!” I moved closer to her and put my hands on her thighs, forcing them not to grip her too tight. “Please believe me!”

She took my hands off her, and it felt like another shot to the chest. “Chase, if you still want to be in the baby’s life, I would love that. But I can’t continue to be in this relationship. Besides, we both know it was doomed from the beginning.”

No, no, no—“No it wasn’t!”

“I can’t trust you, Chase. Especially after this.”

“Harper. We. Are not. Breaking up. I was going to propose to you after graduation tomorrow!”

She looked at me with a pained expression. “We need to. You obviously still want to live your old life, and I need to not have to worry about what you’re doing when I’m not with you.”

The fuck I do! “I don’t want my old life! I don’t want anything without you! You are my everything, Harper. You and our baby are my everything.” She was leaving me, my world, my heart—was leaving me. Sobs tore from my chest, and my head dropped into her lap as my body shook violently.

“Maybe sometime later, after you’ve had a chance to think about what you really want, we can give us a shot again.”

My hands tightened into fists around her shirt in a pathetic attempt to somehow keep her with me. “Princess please, please don’t do this. I can’t lose you.”

“You don’t have to,” she whispered. “We can remain friends, you can be at all the appointments, and I will continue to live here if that’s what you want. But, Chase, you have just shattered my heart over what will probably only be one night with Trish. Because of that, I can’t be yours right now. I can’t be the naïve girlfriend at home with a baby while you’re off with other women.”

“I won’t be, I only want you.” God, if I had a selfless bone in my body, I would have told her she’s right and let her live a life she deserved. She needed someone like Brandon, someone who would take care of her even after we screwed him over. Not me. Even without trying, all I do is hurt her. She deserves so much better than me, but fuck, I can’t lose her.

“It’s going to take a lot for me to believe you again, Chase, but I’m willing to give you the opportunity to earn my trust again. We’re going to have to start over as friends, though.”

“I don’t want to be your friend, Harper!”

“It’s that or nothing, Chase.”

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I promise, I wouldn’t have done that to you, I don’t remember anything from last night.” Even with the pictures, I could hardly remember anything after Trish showed up.

“I told you, I’ll give you a chance if you want it. But I need a few days before we can try to be friends. I really—I’m hurting, Chase, I feel like you just confirmed every fear I’ve ever had of being in a relationship with you. And I’m still not sure how to begin to deal with this.”

I was at war with myself—part of me was yelling to let her go so she could be happy, the other was dying inside at the thought of not having her to myself. I cupped her cheeks and kissed her deeply. “I will get to the bottom of whatever happened. I love you, Harper, more than you can ever imagine.” I caught her lips again with my own and prayed that this wouldn’t be the last kiss we shared.

System of a Down came blaring through my phone, and I went to hit ignore, knowing it was someone from work. When I caught sight of the name, I did a double take and took the call, standing up and storming off into the kitchen as I yelled into the phone, “What the hell did you do to me? Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“Chase—how can you talk to me like that after what we shared last night? Everything you promised me?” Trish asked, sounding hurt.

Shared? Promised? I didn’t—Fuck! “No!” There’s no way I would have done something like that to Harper, no fucking way. “You just ruined my life, do you understand that?”

“I-I-I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t fucking apologize to me! Harper is the only person you should be apologizing to, but understand that if you ever contact her, or me for that matter, again, I will make the rest of your life a living hell!”

“Cha—”

I hung up before she could say any more and threw my iPhone against the wall as hard as I could. The case shattered, and Princess flinched as a chunk flew right past her head. “Oh God, Harper. I’m sorry!” I walked quickly toward her and watched as she shrank into the chair, her face pale and body shaking. Oh my God, I’m scaring her. I couldn’t have made things any worse if I had tried. “I have to go, before I mess this up more.” I brushed my knuckles along her jaw, hating that she flinched when I touched her and trying to memorize her face. “I’m sorry for everything. I can’t say that enough, Harper, I’m so, so sorry. Please don’t end us, though. I will earn your trust again somehow, just don’t do this.”

“Don’t make this harder for either of us; you know how I feel. Let’s give it a few days, and we’ll see if we can start again as friends. No matter what happens to us, Chase, I want you in his life.”

But I wanted to be in her life, too. My world meant nothing if it didn’t have both of them in it. My stomach churned, and my vision blurred as I realized this was it, the moment I’d always wanted her to find but had always dreaded—when she realized she was better off without me. “I love you, Princess,” I whispered before kissing her one more time and walking out the door.

My body shook brutally with a new round of sobs as soon as I was in my truck, and I slumped against the steering wheel. This is what she needed, but I couldn’t let this happen. I was too selfish to let her go; I needed her more than she could ever imagine. Before I met her, I’d thought my life was perfect. But, in reality, it was meaningless, and would go back to being just that if she was gone. Every ounce of my being was yelling at me to go back into my parents’ house, pull her into my arms, and make her forget about what had happened. But if I was to ever get her back, I needed to give her the space I knew she needed. I scrubbed my hands down my face and cranked the engine over, I had to get out of there before the idea of kissing her senseless started sounding better and better.

While I drove, I thought about everything that had happened in the last year with her, and I couldn’t believe one girl had changed me so completely. My chest rose and fell quickly as I thought about everything I’d done wrong when it came to her, wishing I hadn’t wasted so much time being an asshole to her, and at the same time wishing I had continued to push her away. But how do you continue to push away your reason for staying on this earth? My chest tightened as my heart and mind continued to fight for two different outcomes. I didn’t know which side was winning out. I just knew I wanted her—and I wanted her forever.

Thoughts of my conversation with Brandon in the morning kept creeping back, and though I wanted to push them away, I knew he was right. I knew he was what was best for her. Hadn’t I always been the one saying that? To her—to everyone? Brandon wouldn’t do this to her, he wouldn’t crush her over and over again, but I didn’t know if I had the strength to leave her for good. She was mine—she would always be mine.

I lifted my hips slightly to reach for my phone in my back pocket. When I didn’t feel it, I started going through all my other pockets. Nothing. Where was my phone? I needed to call her. Even if she didn’t answer, I needed to tell her I loved her and that I wasn’t giving up on us, I never would. I felt around on the passenger seat, again turning up nothing. I looked in the rearview mirror and out the windshield. No cars around me, and the light up ahead was still green. Leaning over, I ran my hand over the floor on the passenger side but didn’t feel anything. I swear I had just—Trish . . . I threw my phone against the wall. Fuck, I’d left it at Mom’s. I sat up quickly, deciding it was a sign, and I needed to go back and take Harper into my arms and talk everything out.

I saw the lights out of the corner of my eye before I heard the horn. My eyes darted up to see the red light before I turned my head just in time to have my entire body rocked and the sound of crunching metal fill my world.

MY EYELIDS FEEL heavy as I slowly blink them open. There is a heavy ringing filling my ears, and it feels like a crushing weight is sitting on my chest. I try to lift my arms up to my chest to remove whatever it is, but I can’t make them move. Slowly, things start coming to me. The sound of a continuous horn, searing pain throughout my body, the smell of smoke, and something that smells close to rust and salt filling my nose. My head falls forward, and I realize I’ve closed my eyes again. Forcing them open, I see my blue shirt covered in blood. Why am I covered in blood? I start to panic; my chest heaves up and down roughly once, and the movement forces me to cough out a cry of pain—blood trickling past my lips and onto my lap.

I try to take a steady breath in, but it feels wrong, it feels like I’m breathing in fluid. Choking—I’m choking on blood. Another cough, and more blood falls past my lips. I somehow lift my head enough to see a massive grill where my window and door are supposed to be. Flashes of a red light, bright headlights, and a loud horn. Oh God. God no, please no. Tears form quickly, and I shut my eyes against the blurred grill and pain that is slowly leaving. I don’t want the pain to leave because in its place I feel nothing at all. Please, God—please I’ll take the pain, just don’t take me. I don’t want to die. Don’t take me from Harper and our baby.

“You’ll always have my heart, Chase Grayson.”

“Princess? God, Harper—what have I done? I don’t want to leave you and GB. God, please don’t make me leave them. I’ll do anything.”

“One of these days, Princess, I promise you.”

“I would never be desperate enough to want you.”

“We’ll see.”

“I love you, Princess, I’ll always love you.”

“No. I don’t deserve you, either. You need someone who will cherish you, protect you, and take care of you. Someone that realizes they’d never be able to find another you in the world, no matter how hard they looked.”

“Chase . . .”

“That first night, I did realize I would never meet another girl like you. But you deserve someone who has waited for you as long as you have waited for them. And no matter how much I wish I could be that guy, I can’t, Harper.”

“I’ll never leave you—I’ll always be with you.”

“Was that not obvious? Is it not obvious that I’m in love with you?”

“Say it again.”

“Chase, I love you.”

“Tell GB I love him . . . every day.”

“I’ve never been happier than when I just woke up with you in my arms. You’re the only girl I’ve ever fallen asleep with, and I want to keep it that way. You’re not just some girl. I’m in love with you, Harper, I wouldn’t want you anywhere else.”

“And know that I’ve loved you since the beginning.”

“Why are you in here?”

“Because you need me, and if this is my last hour with you, I’m not going to waste another second of it.”

“I’m sorry for the time I wasted, but I’ll cherish every second we had together.”

“You’re pregnant, Princess?”

“Yes.”

“Is it—is it mine?”

“Of course it is.”

I don’t know what is real and what isn’t anymore. I swear I can feel Harper in my arms, smell her light vanilla scent. I can hear her soft laugh, which was always reserved for the dark, as if we are curled around each other in bed. I can feel her lips on my throat and her hands in my hair. God, please, don’t take me from her! How can this be happening to me?

More flashes—Harper holding a baby. Our baby. A painful cry tries to work its way out of my chest, but all that comes out is more blood as I hang limply against the seat belt. I try to take another breath but don’t feel the relief of it. There is nothing; this is it. My time is running out, and I wish more than anything that I could have one more day with her. To cherish her and worship her, to tell her and GB a million times that I love them. The vision starts blurring, and I cling to it like it can keep me alive. I’m not ready to go, I’m not ready to lose her. I try, futilely, to take more breaths, but there is no air, just more fluid. Harper in a wedding dress, she looks beautiful, her smile brighter than the sun, and she is looking directly next to me. Turning, I catch sight of Brandon at my side just before everything goes black.

“Take care of my family, brother. Please.”

“Chase!”

She sounds so close.

“Chase!”

“Live, Princess, for me. I love you.”

Acknowledgments

AS ALWAYS, A big thank-you to my husband for dealing with my crazy. I get extremely involved in my characters’ world, and I love that even though he looks at me like I’m insane, he takes the time to listen and ask about what I’m writing. Love you, babe!

Thank you to the girls of Book Broads! This book is dedicated to you, because without you, I would have never had the courage to write Chase’s story. I understand this is a difficult story for many. Trust me, it was difficult for me, too. But the Book Broads helped me realize that even though we all miss Chase something fierce, we still needed more of him, and he deserved to be heard.

VERY big thank-you to my amazing editor, Tessa Woodward from HarperCollins; and to my incredible agent, Kevan Lyon from Marsal Lyon Literacy Agency. You ladies are incredible, and I don’t know what I’d do without y’all!

Amanda Stone, not only are you my best friend, I don’t know what I would do without you being my slave driver and always getting on me to actually write this book. It’s one thing to ignore the shiny place, better known as Facebook; it’s another entirely to sit on the phone with you for five hours talking about everything and nothing and being silent as we write. Love you, Sef!

Kelly Elliott . . . I swear where would I be without our weekly lunches? Probably going insane in a corner of my office! I love you and am so thankful for your friendship and our weekly vents!

Thank you to my BRGs: Colleen, Kim, and Lisa. Y’all helped me more than you could imagine by giving me an escape, and, Colleen, everyone reading this book has you to thank for giving me the drive to write the shower scene!

A.L. Jackson—a massive thank you to you for starting our writing sprints! Those first three were what got me to finish this book, so thank you, I love you BIG, BB!

To all the bloggers, friends and amazing readers who have helped with the cover reveal and sharing teasers and pictures, THANK YOU! I love y’all so much!