Текст книги "Attack of the BULLIES"

Автор книги: Michael Buckley

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Brand was very unhappy with where and when the time machine had taken him—Nathan Hale Elementary, May 1976. The school was still a construction site. Metal beams hung overhead and huge industrial machines were parked nearby. In a year, the school would open, and the NERDS would be born. But on this day there were no agents, no gadgets, and no fellow spies to help him stop Lisa Holiday.

“You’re too late,” she said. She was standing nearby with a sledgehammer resting on her shoulder.

“Am I?” Brand asked. “What is it you plan on doing?”

“Why, I’m going to destroy this site. I may not be able to erase your precious NERDS agents, but I can still make sure the organization was never born.” She swung the heavy hammer at him. He barely had time to step out of its way.

“Why are you here?” she asked.

“Because I love you,” he said.

“And you think you can help me? So one day I’ll be better and you and I can … what? Get married? Have a family? Buy a house with a little picket fence and save the world on the weekends? That’s never going to happen, and it’s not because I’m so bad and you’re so good. It’s because I don’t care about you. I never cared about you. You were an assignment and I manipulated you.”

“I don’t believe that.”

She laughed. “You’re a fool. Do you know how many men I’ve done this to? You’re not special.”

The words stung him, but he kept moving toward her. “Even with that mask on, I can see you’re lying. You aren’t bad. You aren’t Miss Information. You’re a librarian who works at a school full of superpowered kids and you bake lousy deserts and worry too much.”

Miss Information buckled over in pain.

“Lisa!”

“These headaches! They confuse me,” she said. Her bitter tone was gone.

“It’s your mind rebelling against what you’ve become,” Brand said. “Let it go, Lisa. Let all of this go.”

“Alex? Please help me, Alex. I’m so confused.”

She reached up and removed her mask. There was the face that made him smile—the face that smoothed his rough edges—but she was in so much pain.

“It’s going to be OK,” he said, taking her into his arms.

He felt her jerk. Instinctively, he snatched her hand. There was a pipe in it.

“I almost got you!” she said with a wicked grin. She swung at him with her fists and he hobbled out of her reach. She leaped into the air with a foot aimed at his neck, but he batted it away and stepped to the side, grabbing the back of her hair and slamming her to the ground.

She hopped to her feet with unexpected agility and karate-chopped his belly. He bent over in agony and fell to avoid another kick, rolling away just as she stomped heeled boots where his neck had been. One boot got so close he had to catch it in his hands before it crushed his windpipe. He fought hard against it, thrusting upward and causing her to do a backflip in midair. She landed safely, but she was far enough away from him so that he had time to stand. He grabbed his cane and waved it at her.

“Is that all you’ve got?” he said.

The taunt sent her charging forward, but when she was close enough, he used the cane to catch her foot. A strong jerk and she was flat on her face. By the growl she let loose he could tell she was frustrated. Yes, get mad. Then you’ll make mistakes.

“Lisa—”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” she shrieked, racing at him like a runaway train. Her punches were fast and her feet faster. He blocked every attack, but each blow took more and more out of him. She pushed him backward, step-by-step, and finally he lost his footing, falling over a bag of concrete and slamming his head hard on a monkey wrench that was lying on the ground. He tried to stand, but his legs would not cooperate.

Miss Information grabbed a handful of electrical wiring and went to the time machine. She dipped one end of the wire into the ball pit and connected the second to the control panel. At once, a shrieking sound filled the air.

“Your little time machine is nothing more than a wormhole expander. I set it up to tear one into a ragged wound. The result will be a very big bang, sweetie. Once the battery cells overload, it will vaporize this site and stop your headquarters from ever existing.”

Brand cursed his body. Why couldn’t he stand? “Sort of defeats the purpose. If you’re caught in the blast, how will you rule the world? That’s what you want, right?”

She shook her head. “Oh, I’ll be long gone before then.” She pushed a couple of buttons and stepped into the pit, then turned and blew him a kiss. “Don’t look so sad. I think Lisa did love you. If only she were real.”

With what little strength he had, he snatched the monkey wrench and threw it. It slammed into the ball pit’s control panel. Sparks and black smoke filled the air, and the screeching noise got louder and higher in pitch.

The woman screamed in terror. “You’ve reversed the engine! You’ve created a black hole. It’s going to crush me!”

Brand crawled on his hands and knees to reach her. “Take my hand!” he cried, but she couldn’t move from the ball pit. A terrible, crackling energy rose up out of the machine and engulfed her body. She shook in pain.

“Lisa!”

“Alex, I wanted to tell you who I was, but I didn’t really know.”

“You’re Lisa Holiday,” he cried.

“I wanted to be,” she said.

There was a massive shock wave and Ms. Holiday’s body broke into a million tiny flecks of dust. They rose up into the air like dandelion seeds on a summer breeze and drifted over the entire construction site. All that remained was the black mask with the white skull painted on it.

Brand staggered to his feet and approached the ball pit. He gave the control panel a shake. It popped on and off. He pressed some buttons, made a wish, then crawled into the ball pit once more. It might kill him, too, but he had to try.

“No one can stop us!” the thirty-foot-tall Snot Rocket cried. He stomped through the streets, snapping electrical wires with every step. He fired a massive booger at a car. It exploded. The other BULLIES cheered. Each one was as big as Snot Rocket.

Loudmouth opened her mouth and a tornado blasted out of her lungs, ripping apart the street, tearing the roof off a nearby home, and pushing a garage off its foundation.

Thor roared and beat on his chest. His protruding veins were thick with boiling purple blood and his eyes were bulging.

“Anything we want is ours!” Funk shouted. His armpit smell caused a mailbox to ignite and melt. “And no one can stop us!”

“Um, excuse me,” Heathcliff said from far below.

Snot Rocket looked down at the little boy. He was standing in front of a sea of other puny children.

“We’ve come to stop you,” Heathcliff said. He hoped that the giants wouldn’t stomp on him right away.

“Are you sure this is going to work, Hodges?” Benjamin asked. “I don’t want to end up in a recycling bin.”

“I don’t know,” Heathcliff admitted. “I’ve never confronted four superpowered giants before.”

“You’re one of those NERDS,” Funk said, his voice booming like thunder. “The one without any powers. What did you do, kid, gather up your weakling friends to come out here and give us a piece of your mind?”

“Not exactly,” Heathcliff said. He turned to his army. “Get them!”

All at once, three hundred once-average kids attacked. Their weaknesses had been enhanced by nanobytes. Some of them could fly, some were very strong, and others were as fast as lightning. One kid could bounce like a basketball—he slammed into Funk’s face. Another turned to ice and blasted Tammy’s shoes until she hopped around with frozen toes. One kid turned into a hairy beast and attacked Snot Rocket with claws and teeth, and another kid produced so much sweat it caused Thor to slip and fall on his back. There were kids who teleported and kids who could move objects with their thoughts. There were kids whose skin was as hard as rocks and others who turned into water and still others who were now half cyborg. And together they were led by Heathcliff Hodges.

“It’s working!” Heathcliff cried.

But he spoke too soon. With a massive swipe of his paw, Thor knocked fifty of the children unconscious.

“Get back!” Heathcliff shouted, but it was too late.

Funk unleashed his powers, bringing a thousand enormous maggots from underground. They slithered over more of the would-be heroes.

It sent a panic through Heathcliff’s army. A few hurt themselves trying to retaliate. Others had no idea how to use their nanobytes in the first place. Heathcliff had gambled and lost. Unfortunately, it appeared the world had lost, too.

“You look like you need some help, pal,” Jackson said. Heathcliff turned in time to see the boy climb out of a ball pit that had materialized behind him. Duncan, Flinch, Matilda, and Ruby were next.

“So, I see you’ve been busy,” Ruby said.

“Desperate times,” he said.

“He’s been doing a good job,” Benjamin beeped.

“You’re back!” Duncan cried.

“Mr. Hodges fixed me,” the orb said. “It’s very good to see you all, again. However, might we save our reunion for another time? When we’re not playing Jack to these giants?”

Ruby started scratching her legs. “Aargh! I’m allergic to end-of-the-world scenarios.”

“So, what’s the plan?” Heathcliff said to her. She smiled. He knew she liked running the show, even when the show looked like it was going to end very badly.

“Matilda, fly up and blast Thor in the eyes with your inhalers. He can’t hit what he can’t see.”

Matilda soared into the sky. A moment later she was zapping the angry beast in the face.

Ruby turned to Duncan. “How do you feel about being tossed in the air at a giant’s face?”

“Um, OK … I guess,” he said.

“Jackson, I need some of your quarterback skills. Toss Duncan at Loudmouth. Duncan, you need to seal her mouth tight with your glue.”

“Excellent. And when I come falling out of the sky …?”

“Flinch will be there to catch you,” Ruby replied.

“I’m on it,” Flinch said, shoving four Twinkies into his mouth. His body began to shake and he pounded on his chest. “I AM MIGHTY!”

“Good, cause when he’s safe on the ground, I need you to target Funk,” she said. “You’re a lot faster than his nasty powers. I have a feeling you might be able to get him to accidentally turn his own grossness on himself.”

“Yay!” Flinch cried as he swallowed a bag of Swedish Fish without chewing.

Jackson picked Duncan up with his braces. “You ready, pal?”

“Is anyone ever ready for something like this?” the boy asked.

Jackson aimed and threw. A second later, Flinch flashed through the mob to wait for his falling buddy.

“Do I get to do anything else?” Jackson asked.

“I think we could stop Snot Rocket if he had a bloody nose,” Ruby answered with a grin.

Jackson winked. “Got a new trick I’ve been wanting to try out.”

His braces poured out of his mouth, forming a massive exoskeleton as big as any of the BULLIES. Jackson sat in its center, looking like a massive Rock’em Sock’em Robot stomping toward Snot Rocket.

“I suppose you want me to hide,” Heathcliff said. “I know I don’t have any useful upgrades. I don’t want to get in the way.”

“Hodges, you have three hundred superpowered kids at your disposal,” she said. “That’s your army. When these jerks get knocked off their feet, we’re going to need a whole bunch of them for wedgie duty.”

There was a massive thud. Ruby and Heathcliff turned and saw that Thor had fallen onto his back.

“Kids, get him!” Heathcliff shouted, and he led his army into the fray. His team kicked and punched Thor and tied him to the ground.

Heathcliff cheered anew when each of the four horrific BULLIES fell. Being a part of the team—even if he couldn’t do anything himself—was one of the most satisfying days of his life.

TOP SECRET DOSSIER

CODE NAME: BEANPOLE

REAL NAME: MIKEY BUCKLEY

YEARS ACTIVE: 1977–82

CURRENT OCCUPATION: CHILDREN’S BOOK AUTHOR, NERDS CONSULTANT

HISTORY: IF ONE COULD SUM UP

THE MANY TALENTS AND GIFTS MIKEY

BUCKLEY POSSESSES IN A SINGLE WORD,

IT WOULD HAVE TO BE “BRILLIANT.”

A RARE GENIUS WITH AN UNRIVALED

IMAGINATION, BEANPOLE IS BELIEVED

TO BE THE CREATOR OF THE BENJAMIN

ORB, THE UPGRADE CHAIR, FRENCH TOAST

STICKS, AND THE MOON BOOT STILTS

THAT ALLOWED HIM TO RISE NEARLY

FIVE STORIES ABOVE THE GROUND. I

COULD LITERALLY GO ON AND ON ABOUT

HOW COOL THAT KID WAS … AND HE

WAS GOOD-LOOKING, TO BOOT. BUT WHAT

COULD I SAY THAT HASN’T BEEN

SAID IN THE THOUSANDS OF

BIOGRAPHIES WRITTEN ABOUT

HIM, OR THE FOUR FEATURE

FILMS THAT ALL WON

OSCARS, OR THE ALBUMS

OF SONGS BY NIRVANA,

MADONNA, AND TAYLOR SWIFT

THAT HE INSPIRED? I MEAN, IF

YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOKS OF

POETRY ABOUT HIS HAIR ALONE,

THEN YOU’VE BEEN LIVING UNDER

A ROCK. SO, SUFFICE TO SAY,

BEANPOLE WAS THE GREATEST AGENT

IN NERDS HISTORY.

UPGRADE: WHAT COULD TECHNOLOGY

GIVE HIM THAT THE GOOD LORD HAD

NOT GENEROUSLY BESTOWED? THE

BOY WAS SIMPLY AWESOME!

When the NERDS used the ball pit to return to the present, they agreed that they needed to keep their end of the wormhole open no matter what, just in case Agent Brand made it back. They closed all the other ball pits out in history, and Heathcliff adjusted the facial recognition software on the Playground computers in hopes of spotting their boss somewhere in time. But it gave them no word of Brand or Ms. Holiday.

Still, there was good news. The present the children came back to was changed for the better. The Playground was no longer buried under concrete. President Lipton had never been arrested and the NERDS organization was still a national secret.

Ruby hoped she would find things at home altered, too. As she walked toward her house, her palms began to itch. She was allergic to uncertainty. What would she find beyond that door?

“Get in here out of the cold,” her mother said, opening the door before she could even knock.

“Good news, sweetpea,” her father said when she came through the door. “We found a hotel for everyone.”

“And it’s got a pool,” Cousin Finn cheered as he raced into the hall.

The rest of the family followed. They were all there! Every single one!

“We’ll be out of your hair in no time,” Aunt Laura said.

“This hotel better have an elevator,” Grandpa Saul said.

“Of course it has an elevator. What hotel doesn’t have an elevator?” Grandpa Tom cried.

Predictably, a huge spat broke out with everyone bickering and talking at the same time.

“I’m going to order everything on the room service menu,” Cousin Imogen said.

“Don’t go,” Ruby said.

“Huh?” her parents said simultaneously.

“I want you to stay,” Ruby said.

“But sweetie, you’re gonna have to sleep on top of the dryer,” Grandma Rose said.

“No place I’d rather be. You’re my family. As much as you fight, it’s a miracle we can all stand to be in the same room together. I want that miracle for this holiday.”

“I call the bathtub!” said Grandma Tina.

That night, when everyone had found a space on the floor to sleep, Ruby caught the news. The lead story was that President Lipton had announced that he wasn’t going to run for a second term. They cut to a press conference with him and his family. Tessa stood next to her mom, smiling.

“Being the president of this great nation has been a wonderful experience and a huge responsibility. I think we’ve gotten a lot done in the past three years, but that work has come at the expense of my family. Someone told me once that family has to come first, and she was right. So tonight I’m announcing that I will not seek a second term. I always wanted to be the president. I dreamed of serving this country. I imagined it was the best job in the world, but I already had the best job in the world.”

Lipton took his wife and daughter in his arms and hugged them both as reporters charged forward with cameras and questions.

Ruby smiled. She and her team would have to keep a close eye on Tessa. She had upgrades and a nuclear-powered time machine, but Ruby hoped that the soon-to-be former First Daughter would no longer need it—or her second face.

The next day, Heathcliff and Jackson walked to Heathcliff ’s parents’ house.

“What if it doesn’t work?” he asked. “The upgrades didn’t exactly tell me how the nanobytes would get my family back.”

“Then they’ll just think you’re some weird kid, and we’ll go back to the drawing board,” Jackson said. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

He shook his head.

“All right, Agent Hodges, good luck.”

“‘Agent’?”

“Ruby told me to tell you. She’s going to need all the help she can get managing all the new recruits,” he said. “Now get going. Oh, and good luck, buddy.”

Heathcliff smiled. “Thanks … buddy.”

He raced up the sidewalk and threw open the front door.

“Mom! Dad!” he cried.

His mother was the first to appear. “Who in heavens are you?”

“Mom, it’s me—Heathcliff. I’m home!”

“Thomas! Thomas, there’s a strange kid breaking into our house,” she cried.

Thomas came into view. He had a golf club in his hands and he was holding it threateningly. “Get out of our house!”

“Dad! Don’t you know me?” Heathcliff asked.

“I’m calling the police,” his mother said. She took out her phone and called 911. “If you don’t want any more trouble, I’d leave right now.”

Had the machine fooled him? Was it one of those super-dumb lessons he was supposed to learn? Like at the end of a book, when the fairy appears and tells him he had all the power he ever needed inside of him. That would be pretty lame, and he’d end up getting arrested.

“There’s the siren,” his father said.

Heathcliff panicked. They were going to take him away and his family would never know who he was. No! He couldn’t let it end like that. They might not know him, but he needed them to know he was sorry for all the things he had done and that they were great parents and that all his mistakes had nothing to do with them. He needed them to know that their boy loved them dearly.

So he gave them a hug. His mom resisted at first, and his dad tried to shove him off, but Heathcliff hung on. He held the hug as long as possible.

He was still hugging them when the police came. They pulled him away and dragged him out to their car. They locked him in the backseat and went inside to talk to his parents. He was in big trouble, but he didn’t care. Those hugs had felt good. He’d do it all over again in a second. Whatever they did to him, he would have those hugs.

A police officer returned with his parents in tow. He opened the car door and peered inside.

“Kid, get out of the car.”

Heathcliff was confused but did as he was told. “Officer, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare these people. I just—”

“Heathcliff, shouldn’t you be in school?” his mother asked.

“You called me Heathcliff!”

“Of course she did. That’s your name,” his father replied. “Are you feeling OK, son?”

“You called me ‘son’!”

“Folks, what is going on?” the policeman asked. “I was called here for a breaking and entering.”

“You must have the wrong house, officer,” his mother said. “This is our son. He’s in the sixth grade at Knowlton Middle School—though we have no idea why he’s not there.”

“I just missed you two. I wanted to come home,” he said, and then he hugged them again.

Agent Brand stood in the teeth-chattering air outside a gas station in Novosibirsk, Siberia. A black car pulled up. He set down his oboe and eyed the car closely.

It was them.

He stood behind a trash barrel and waited. A tough, grizzled gangster got out of the car. Lars Corsica. Then the passenger-side door opened and a young woman stepped out. She was probably seventeen—just a kid, but blond and beautiful. It was her. He’d recognize that smile anywhere.

“First we get gas,” Lars grunted in Russian. “Then we get married.”

“Married?” the girl asked. There was uncertainty in her voice.

“Unless you want to go back home to your abusive parents?”

She shook her head.

“Then wait in the car.”

The girl did as she was told, and Lars approached the gas station.

“Excuse me,” Brand said in perfect Russian. “But could you tell me the time?”

Lars frowned and looked down at his watch. “Half past two.”

“Then I’m right on time,” Brand said as his fist caught the goon in the jaw. Lars fell over in the snow and lay very still. Brand bent down and took the car keys and the man’s wallet, then hobbled over to the black sedan. He finished pumping the gas and got into the driver’s seat next to the girl.

“Who are you?”

Brand smiled. “That’s not important. What’s important is that you know who you are. Your name is Viktoriya Deprankova, though there will be a time when people will know you by another name. That man out there—the one you’re going to marry—he’s going to steer you in a very ugly direction. I’m here to steer you the other way.”

“Did my father send you?”

“No, I came because I care about you. A lot of people care about you.”

“Are you crazy? I don’t even know you.”

Brand handed her the keys and got out of the car. “You will.”

“Why are you helping me?”

“’Cause you’re my holiday.” He pointed west. “Drive down that road.”

“Where will it take me?”

“Hopefully, America,” he said.

Brand could tell the girl wasn’t sure what to do, but after a moment she slid behind the wheel, rolled up the window, and drove off, leaving Lars behind.

Brand picked up his oboe and slipped it into his jacket. Then he went around the side of the gas station to a multicolored ball pit. He hopped inside and sank to the bottom, hoping that he had caused a ripple big enough to change the girl’s life.

A second later he was in Marty Mozzarella’s during a busy lunch rush. There were kids everywhere, and they stared as he floundered to get out of the ball pit.

“That’s supposed to be for children, you know,” a teenager in a giant mouse suit complained.

Brand growled, yanked the cable out of the pit, disconnected the control panel, and limped out of the restaurant.

The walk to Thomas Knowlton Middle School was a long one, but he completely forgot about his sore feet when he saw it. Hurriedly, he pushed the front door open and walked down the empty halls to a supply closet, where he found his familiar janitor’s uniform. He pulled it on over his beat-up tuxedo then pressed the button that opened the tunnel to the Playground. A second later he dropped a mile into the earth.

The Playground looked like it always had. All the same faces were busy working on gadgets. Duncan and Flinch were lounging in their mission chairs while Jackson told them a joke, and Matilda was buzzing overhead, her inhalers blasting. Ruby was viewing a map of the world. The lunch lady, in his smock and hairnet, smiled and gave Brand a friendly wave.

“Look who’s back!” Jackson shouted.

“You are seriously late for a mission update,” Matilda said.

Brand smiled. “One of you is going to have to fill me in on what I missed.”

“I can help you with that,” Ruby said. “But first we have something very important to tell you.”

Brand waved her off. “It can wait. Is she here?”

“Who?”

Brand’s heart sank. “Never mind.”

“Oh, you mean the new librarian?” Ruby said with a grin.

“Did someone call me?” came a voice. It had a thick Russian accent, but he would know it anywhere.

“Lisa,” he said.

Benjamin floated between them. “Director, this is Agent Viktoriya Deprankova. She’s just been assigned to the school. Her cover for the parents will be that of the school’s librarian and media specialist.”

He couldn’t help but smile, and she smiled back at him.

“I made cookies,” the woman said, offering him a plate of what looked like chocolate chip. Brand hesitantly took one.

One bite and he was sure he had cracked all his teeth. Yes, she was back.

Suddenly, an alert started blaring. Screens dropped from the ceiling and a dozen scientists raced to join the group.

“Oh, boy, looks like we’ve got trouble again. Baron von Baron has let loose his army of bionic ferrets. They’re attacking the Taj Mahal,” Duncan said.

“Scramble the team, Benjamin,” Agent Brand said.

“Which team?” Heathcliff asked. He entered the room wearing a white lab coat and huge goggles.

“What do you mean, which team?”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, boss,” Ruby said. “We’ve got some new recruits.”

Suddenly, hundreds of children walked into the control room. They saluted him and said, “Agents reporting for duty” in unison.

“I’m having a great time organizing them. I’ll have a binder for you to look at when we get back. It’s completely color-coded,” Ruby said.

Brand smiled. “All right. It’s time to get to work, NERDS. Let’s go beat up some bad guys.”