Текст книги "Darkest Before Dawn"

Автор книги: Maya Banks

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 27 (всего у книги 29 страниц)

CHAPTER 46

EDEN led the way to the front door of her family’s home. It was a good thing dusk had fallen, because there was no way they wouldn’t have drawn attention with over twenty badass operatives trailing Honor, Eden and Swanny, who never left his wife’s side.

The door opened before Eden could even knock, and standing in the doorway was a man Honor assumed was her father and her two older brothers. Guy’s family.

The three men’s gaze swept from Swanny to Eden and then finally settled on Honor, shock reflecting in their eyes.

The older brother shook his head. “No way,” he murmured.

“No fucking way,” his younger brother agreed.

Eden’s father smiled when before his features had been etched with worry and grief. He suddenly looked younger, the deep grooves easing as he stared at Honor.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” he said in an awed tone. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

It just pissed Honor off and she put both hands on her hips, glaring down the male members of Eden’s family.

“What is wrong with you people? Treating Guy like he’s not human or capable of humanity. I don’t know which is worse. Him believing himself to be lacking a soul or his family believing it.”

Eden’s brothers burst into laughter, but her father’s entire grizzled face softened. He took the two steps toward Honor and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug that had her holding back. She might have disguised her pregnancy well, but a hug that hard would reveal the taut baby bump she carried.

“Welcome to the family, my dear. We’ve waited a very long time for someone like you to turn Hancock’s world upside down. My name is Eddie and these are my sons, Raid and Ryker.” He pointed to indicate who was who.

And then as if just noticing the horde of burly men standing several feet behind Eden, Swanny and Honor, Eden’s father gave his daughter an inquisitive look.

“Eden? Who are all these people in my front yard?”

“Oh, they’re here to witness Guy’s downfall,” Eden said cheerfully. “It’s dark so you can’t see them, but they’re KGI.”

“Nathan? Joe?” Ryker asked as he stepped in front of his dad to see who all had accompanied Eden and Honor.

Eddie’s face lightened in recognition as he saw the rest of his son-in-law’s team step forward to greet the Sinclairs.

Skylar was forcibly hugged by Eddie and Ryker while Zane exchanged handshakes with the men.

“It’s good to see you, sir,” Joe spoke up. “As for why the entire KGI organization is here? There was no way in hell we were going to pass up the opportunity to witness Hancock brought to his knees by a woman barely over five feet. We intend to make sure he never lives it down. Not even Steele provided this much entertainment when he got his balls served on a platter to him by his wife.”

“Fuck you,” Steele said rudely from the shadows he hadn’t yet emerged from.

“Hello?” Honor growled, impatience and frustration evident in her voice. “Where is he?”

“I’ll be more than happy to take him to you myself,” Raid said smugly.

“Well, come on in,” Eddie said to the large group assembled. “I suppose we’ll see the two of them eventually. We’ll be much more comfortable in the living room.”

Leaving the others, Raid led her up the stairs and down a long hallway to the room at the very end. He paused and then looked down at her, his expression utterly serious.

“If you can bring him back to us, you will forever be in my debt. He’s given up, Honor. He has absolutely no will to live, and he’s in so much pain that I can’t even bear to look at my own brother.”

“Oh, he’s coming back,” she vowed. “If I have to knock him out, tie him up and drag him back home, I’m not leaving here without him.”

Raid chuckled and leaned down to kiss her brow. “You know what? I believe you, little sister.” Then his expression became serious again. “Do you want me to go in first?”

She rolled her eyes. “Guy would never hurt me. You should be worried I’ll hurt him. But, no. This is private. I don’t want anyone in there but me and him.”

Raid nodded and started back down the hall. She waited for him to disappear before she turned back to Guy’s door. Her hand hovered over the knob, afraid the door would be locked and he’d refuse to let her in. Then she shook her head. There were over twenty people downstairs who could easily break down the door. One way or another she was going in.

To her relief, when she quietly twisted the knob, it was unlocked and the door opened a fraction. Still, she hesitated, because for all her bravado and determination, she was terrified he wouldn’t even look at her. Acknowledge her. Listen to her.

From inside came an irritated growl. “I said to leave me the fuck alone. What don’t you interfering assholes understand about that?”

Honor shoved open the door all the way, stomping into the bedroom, her hands on her hips. When Hancock saw her he nearly fell off the bed. He scrambled to sit up, his face drawn with shock. And then so much grief and regret and self-loathing replaced his initial shock and it nearly brought her to her knees.

In that moment she knew she would have to be the strong one. She couldn’t allow an ounce of past hurts in her eyes, because it would destroy him and he’d never listen to her. He’d never hear her. He’d drive her away, convinced that he’d only hurt her again and again. At least one of them had sense, and it wasn’t him at the moment.

So instead of throwing herself into his arms like she ached to do and cry for all that had been lost and how much she loved him, she was going to have to dish out some tough love.

“Is that any way to speak to your family?” she demanded, her foot tapping on the floor in reprimand.

“Honor?”

His voice was shaken, so hoarse that her name was nearly indecipherable, his eyes ravaged by grief and pain. So much hurt that her throat closed up on her, rendering her momentarily unable to speak. She forgot all about tough love and being the bitch.

She couldn’t stand the distance between them any longer, and she flung herself at his body so he had no choice but to catch her or be bowled over by her. Her hands came to rest on his cheeks as she stared down at the stirrings of hope in Guy’s eyes. He swallowed and then looked away, as if refusing to even entertain such an emotion, but she wouldn’t have it. She too had refused herself hope, and she’d been wrong. She should have fought, like she was prepared to fight now. It was a battle she couldn’t lose or it would destroy her. She wouldn’t lose.

She firmly guided his face back to hers and simply stared him down until he finally, reluctantly lifted his eyes and met her gaze.

“Yes, it’s me,” she said in a husky voice. “And I have to tell you, Guy Hancock, I am not very happy with you right now.”

“Why should you be?” he asked in a pained voice.

She made a sound of exasperation. “You didn’t betray me, and we both know it. Or you should. If you weren’t so bent on convincing yourself that you’re this horrible monster, you’d realize you did not betray me.”

“How could you possibly think I didn’t?” he asked incredulously.

She rolled her eyes. “Well of course in the beginning I thought just that. But, gee, if someone had troubled himself to tell me what really happened when you let me believe you were flying me to give me to ANE—something else I’m extremely pissed about, by the way—neither of us would have suffered for the last several months.”

“I lied to you. I drugged you, something I swore I would never do again. And I failed you, Honor. I let that bastard get to you and he tortured you for days before I could find you.”

“Did it ever occur to you even once to tell me what happened and allow me the luxury of deciding whether you betrayed me or not? Instead, you played judge and jury for me. You were so convinced that you had done exactly those things that you decided for me that I was never going to know. That is the only thing I’m angry with you over. Well, not even angry, but hurt. You hurt me, Guy,” she said painfully. “For five long months I hurt. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat. It’s the God’s truth, I wanted to die. I gave up. I didn’t want to live without you. Can’t you understand that?”

Her voice was pleading. Precariously close to begging, but God, she had no pride whatsoever when it came to this man. She’d crawl if she had to. Anything to make him come back to her. To love her as much as she loved him.

He stared at her with those haunted eyes, and he clearly had no idea how to respond. He was so assured of his guilt that no, it hadn’t occurred to him to give her the choice of judgment.

He simply ran his hands over her face, her lips, her neck, shoulders, over and over as if he really didn’t believe she was here.

“You hate me,” he whispered in a tortured voice. “God, I hate myself.”

“Look at me, Guy,” she said tenderly. “See me.”

He stared into her eyes for what seemed an eternity before it seemed to register with him. There was no hatred there. No fear. No sense of betrayal or hurt. Only love. And tenderness, compassion and a vow to always protect him. That he’d always be safe with her. His heart would always be safe with her.

“I don’t hate you. I love you,” she whispered fiercely. “I love you. And you don’t get to decide for me. You don’t get to tell me that I don’t love you. There is nothing you can do to make me not love you.”

Thin rivulets trickled down his cheeks. His nostrils flared with every inhale as if he fought a vicious battle for control, not to completely break down.

She framed his beloved face in her palms and looked directly into his eyes.

“Now, listen to me, Guy, because this is important. It’s everything. Do not interrupt me until I am finished. Do you understand?”

He gave a chopped nod, and she pondered whether her telling him not to interrupt was even necessary. He wasn’t capable of saying a thing at the moment. He was simply too overcome.

“Now, if you walked away from me because you don’t want me and you don’t love me, then I have to accept that.”

He made a strangled noise in his throat, and she shot him a warning look, reminding him of his promise. But he didn’t look happy at all. He looked pissed, fire blazing in his eyes.

Good, she thought savagely. She’d take his anger and rage over the soulless look in his eyes any day of the week.

“However, if you walked away from me because you thought I hated you, because you truly believed you betrayed me, lied to me and felt you weren’t worthy of me, then I won’t accept that,” she said fiercely. “Because it’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit. And I will not throw away the best thing in my life because he’s decided he’s committed an unpardonable sin against someone who has already forgiven him.”

“Are you finished?” he demanded.

She nodded.

“Good. Because I fucking love you more than I’ve ever loved another human being in my life. You aren’t just the world, Honor Cambridge. You’re my world. My entire reason for living. Walk away from you because I don’t want you or love you? I walked away because you deserve better than me. Because you deserve a man who won’t fail to protect you and allow you to be nearly raped and then tortured. And I’m not that man,” he said in a savage voice.

“Yes,” she said calmly. “You are.”

Despair crept once more into his eyes.

“You have no idea what kind of life you’d have to live if you were with me. Because of the fact that I’ve accumulated more enemies over the years than the very monsters I’ve worked to take down, you would always be a target. You are my greatest weakness, and everyone in the goddamn world would know it and try to hurt me by getting to you. And they would hurt you. They’ve already hurt you,” he said in a tortured voice. “And I couldn’t bear it, Honor. I couldn’t live with myself if I lost you.”

“I’m glad you’re such a badass then,” she said lightly. “You’ll never, never let anyone hurt me.”

Guy closed his eyes, his fingers clenching into tight balls.

“Your trust in me staggers me. It humbles me when you have no reason to trust anything I say do or promise. But, Honor, the danger . . . that’s only part of. I’m a man who demands and expects complete control. In every aspect. As my woman, I would dominate you. I’d know your every movement. I’d expect you to check in with me anytime you so much as went to the grocery store.”

He lifted one hand to run it raggedly over his head.

“I’m demanding sexually. I don’t give up control in any aspect of my life, baby,” he said in an aching voice, as though he were admitting to murder. “I can’t. Control has been ingrained in me my entire life. I’ve been trained to always be in control of every aspect of every situation. How long do you think it would take before you began to feel smothered? How long would it take for me to kill the thing that sets you so far apart from the rest of the world? Your smile, your sunshine, your kindness and generosity. I would smother you, Honor. And eventually I would destroy you.”

She laughed, her smile wide as she took in his utter bewilderment at her reaction to his painful admission.

She held up her fingers, ticking off her points on each digit. “Let’s see, first, sexually dominant? I get the shivers thinking about it. I’ve already had a taste of sex with you, Hancock, and any idiot would know that you’re commanding, forceful and dominant as hell. I assure you, I’ll enjoy every moment of your dominance.”

She pressed another finger. “Second. Your need to know where I am at all times and you going overboard protecting me. Uhm, duh? I’m not an idiot, Guy. I’ve seen the worst this world has to offer and I’ve seen into your world. Quite frankly, I’m not going to want to go anywhere without you, and furthermore, if you want to hire an entire army to protect us, I’m in.”

She held up the last finger. “Now for the smothering, killing, stifling, destroying. I’m not going to give this much of a response because it doesn’t deserve it.”

She leaned over and touched his face, lightly pressing her lips to his.

“The only way you kill any part of me is if you no longer love and want me. If you walk away from me again. That will destroy me. Nothing else.”

He kissed her back, forceful, hot, scorching, like he was starved for her. And God, she was starved for him. For the last months she’d lived without the other half of her soul. Never did she want to endure that again.

Then he slipped off the bed, to his knees, reaching for her, pulling her to stand as he knelt before her. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face between her breasts. Hot tears slithered over her skin, each one hurting her, like tiny daggers to her heart.

“I’m so sorry, Honor,” he choked out. “I’m so sorry. I went crazy those days, dying a little more every hour you were in his hands. It was all I could think about. Knowing he was torturing you and knowing that you thought I had betrayed you by giving you to him. I can’t sleep at night. Even now. Knowing he’s dead. That ANE is gone. That they can’t hurt you. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. Every second I think about how badly I hurt you and all the times I let you down. Please forgive me,” he whispered. “Please give me the chance to prove to you that I will never fail you again. I’ll spend my life making sure you don’t get so much as a scratch. I want to be a good man. For you. I want to be a man you can be proud of.”

“Oh, my love,” she whispered. “Don’t you understand? I love the man you are. You can’t go changing on me. I won’t love a man you create thinking it’s what I want and need. I need you.”

She thumbed away the tears on his cheeks, then leaned down to kiss him while her hands framed his face.

“And I’ve already forgiven you. There’s no need to ask it again.”

“You gave it without my ever asking,” he said quietly. “I should have been on my knees begging your forgiveness and so I gave that to you, because that is what you deserve, regardless that your generous heart had already forgiven me.”

When he would have pulled her back to him, she resisted, knowing that at the current angle, he’d have his cheek right over her rounded belly. He glanced up at her, puzzled, a little uncertain.

She smiled and sat back down on the bed, patting the space beside her. “Come. There’s one last thing we have to discuss.”

He eased down beside her and frowned because she’d suddenly gone tense and she knew he’d picked up on it. He slipped his hand around hers, lifting it to rest on his thigh as he laced their fingers together.

“What is it, Honor?”

“First of all, I wasn’t—am not—deceiving you. I’m merely . . . selfish,” she said with a grimace.

“You are the least selfish person I know,” he growled.

She smiled faintly. “It’s just that I had to know . . . I had to know that you wanted me. That you loved me. I didn’t want you to be with me out of obligation. So I didn’t tell you right away. But I’m telling you now.”

His eyes were worried now. Not angry or apprehensive, as though he thought she’d done some horrible thing. He was worried for her, and she loved him all the more for it.

“I’m pregnant,” she said softly. “I’m having your baby, Guy. I’m almost five months pregnant.”

He stared down at her belly in shock and then back up to her face, as if what she was telling him simply didn’t compute.

“I don’t show unless I wear confining clothing. Hence the baggy attire I chose for this trip. Not even the others know. Only my parents and siblings. I had lost so much weight and was so starved that when I got back home, I was literally skin and bones, so the weight I’ve gained with the pregnancy has merely made it appear as though I regained what I’d lost before.”

“Show me,” he said, his voice cracking. “Let me see our child. Please.”

She bunched the hem of her oversized shirt and slowly pulled it upward. Both his hands ever so gently pressed against the mound, his fingers trembling against her skin.

“Are you all right?” he asked anxiously. “You were so hurt and as you said starved. It can’t be healthy for you to be having a baby.”

She smiled, wanting to reassure him. “My OB has me on a strict vitamin regimen as well as an eating schedule that my mother enforces like an army general.”

“Are you happy about it?” he asked, vulnerability creeping into his eyes.

She let him see the full force of her joy as she smiled back. “Oh yes,” she breathed. “The question is, are you?”

“Happy?” he asked hoarsely. “I don’t think happy can aptly describe my utter amazement right now. Oh God, Honor, I don’t deserve you or our child. Do you even know how many enemies I have? Do you understand the danger you’re putting yourself and our child in by wanting a life with me?”

His hands shook even harder, and she laid her palms softly over where his were branded to the swell of her belly.

“God didn’t forget me,” he said in awe, tears glittering brightly in his eyes as they lifted to hers. “I’m not damned. No man without a soul, a man damned for an eternity, could possibly be given two such precious gifts.”

Her heart ached for the pain Guy had suffered for so long. For how so very long he’d been truly alone in the world with no anchor to hold him.

“No, my darling,” she said tenderly. “Indeed you are very blessed. We both are. You’ve now been given a third chance. Tell me. Are you going to take it?”

“Yes,” he said fiercely. “Hell yes.”

He fused his mouth to hers in a hot rush. He was rough, nearly animalistic, his hands roaming possessively up and down her body but instantly gentling when they glided over where their child was nestled in her mother’s womb. He drew away, gasping sharply, his eyes glittering like a predator’s.

“You’ve sealed your fate giving yourself to me twice,” he said gruffly. “I let you go once. I’ll never do it again. So be sure, Honor. Be very sure this is what you want and I’m who you want. Because once you commit to me it’s going to be for goddamn ever.”

“Well thank you, God,” she said, feigning huge relief. “I mean, what does a girl have to do these days?”

“Tell me she loves me,” he said, his voice cracking. Her heart nearly broke as insecurity flashed in his eyes. And fear.

“I love you,” she whispered. “So much. I’ll never love someone as much as I love you.”

“Thank God,” he breathed, crushing her to him, hanging on to her for dear life. Tears burned his eyes and he didn’t care. He’d found redemption when he despaired of ever seeing the sun again.

“You’re a miracle,” he said hoarsely. “My sunshine, Honor.”

“Glad you finally recognize that,” she said with a grin.