Текст книги "Blindfold Vol. 2"

Автор книги: M. S. Parker

Соавторы: Cassie Wild
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I scowled, but didn't argue. It didn't matter what he wanted to call me. Soon, I'd never have to hear him say my name again.

My stomach twisted at the memory of how he'd said my name, the way it had sounded when he'd asked me what I'd wanted. No, I told myself firmly. I wasn't going there.

“Take a seat,” I said, gesturing toward the worn love-seat and faded armchair that were the only two places to sit in my living room. “I'll go get the coffee started. I wouldn't want to keep you from work.”

I didn't look at him as I went into the kitchen. As eager as I was to get him out of my apartment, I took my time getting the coffeemaker going. I needed to compose myself. I couldn't let him see how much his being here upset me. He couldn't know the truth about how I felt about what had happened or any of the self-doubts it had fed into.

When I was convinced I could handle whatever was coming, or at least keep it together until he left, I went back into the living room. He was sitting at the far end of the love-seat, his arm across the back of it, his body angled so that he was facing me as soon as I entered. It looked so much like a carefully orchestrated pose that the serious expression on his face seemed out of place.

“You wanted to talk.” I sat down on the edge of the chair. “Might as well get started.”

“First, I have to apologize for what must appear like callous and deceitful behavior.”

My jaw dropped and I couldn't stop the surprise from crossing over my face. I'd thought he'd either come on Adelle's behalf or... honestly, I didn't know what to expect, but a straightforward apology hadn't been it.

Cade straightened, leaning forward so that his elbows were on his knees. “I'm not ashamed of what I do, Aubree. And I didn't intentionally hide it from you. I assumed you knew about the arrangement. Adelle never mentioned she hadn't told you.”

I laced my fingers together to keep myself from folding my arms again. I knew it was a protective gesture and I didn't want to appear weak. “Well, she didn't.”

He frowned and something flashed across his eyes, darkening them to the kind of gray that a cloud turns just before a storm. “When she contacted me, she said she was hiring a perfect date fantasy for a friend. Everything else I told you was true. How I'd asked her for some details about you, how you didn't fit what I'd pictured in my head. I didn't lie about that.”

I twisted my fingers until my knuckles turned white.

“She called me yesterday afternoon in a panic and told me the truth; that she'd surprised you and you were angry with her when you found out.” His frown deepened. “I wasn't pleased with her myself.”

That surprised me. He'd gotten paid. Why would he care what Adelle had done?

“Understand something.” His voice was firm. “I don't do surprises and I don't lie about what I am or the services I provide. Fantasies are fine. They're role-playing, but both participants are always aware of the truth of the situation.”

An idea was starting to take shape, a reasoning behind why he was offering an explanation and apology for something that hadn't been his fault. He cared about his reputation as an escort.

“I provide women with companionship when they need it, and often sex is part of that. I teach women how to pleasure themselves and their lovers, how to enjoy sex in ways they've never dreamed.”

I almost shivered at his words as they flowed over my skin.

“I am not in the business of love and I don't believe in emotional attachments,” he continued. “These are things my clients always know up front, and why I generally screen them personally. For Adelle, I made an exception and I regret it now. Not the events of the night. I don't regret those, but rather the circumstances surrounding them.”

Tears burned in my eyes as a part of me died. I hadn't realized I'd been holding onto a small hope that he'd actually cared about me. I appreciated his apology, and any anger I'd felt toward him was gone now that I knew the full story. But I couldn't stop myself from thinking that maybe I'd been right before. Something was wrong with me.

“Aubree?” He gave me a puzzled look. “What's wrong?”

I shook my head, fighting back the sudden wave of emotion washing over me.

He crossed over to where I was sitting in two quick strides and crouched in front of me. “Tell me what's wrong.”

I didn't know if it was the command in his voice or maybe I needed to tell someone how I was feeling; but everything started spilling out of me.

“What's wrong with me? I mean, first my fiancée takes off with our wedding planner, then the first guy I've gone on a date with in years tries to get me drunk.” I wiped at my cheeks. “Am I so pathetic that my best friend thinks I need to pay to get laid? Is that the problem? Am I just such a lousy lay that it's a job to fuck me?”

“Stop.”

I hiccupped and looked up at Cade, surprised. He didn't sound disgusted at my outburst, but there was something hard in his eyes that told me he wasn't to be trifled with.

“I have an idea, but I need to make a call first.” He glanced toward the kitchen. “I'm going to step out and make a call. Pour us each a cup of coffee and I'll be back shortly.”

My mouth opened, then closed again. My mind was spinning. What was going on?

“Coffee, Aubree,” he said firmly.

I stood and started toward the kitchen, moving automatically. I heard my front door close as I retrieved two mugs from my cabinet. I could end this now, I knew. Go into the living room and lock the door. When he knocked, tell him I didn't want to see him again. But I didn't do any of that. I filled the mugs and went back to the living room. As hurt as I was, he hadn't been the one to do it. The least I could do would be to hear out whatever this idea of his was.

When he came back into the apartment, he looked pleased with himself. He sat back on the love-seat and took a drink of his coffee before speaking. “I spoke with Adelle.”

I stiffened. If he said he thought I should forgive her, I was going to dump my coffee in his lap. See how well he could work with a burnt dick.

“I have a proposal for you.”

I frowned.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Aubree.”

He spoke like his statement was common knowledge. There was no hint of gentleness or flirtation in his voice. He was stating a fact.

“You're not bad in bed. You're a beautiful woman and you deserve better men than those jackasses you mentioned.” He took another drink. “You just need the confidence to make everyone else see it. And I'm going to give you that.”

My eyes widened.

“I'm going to teach you everything I know. Show you everything. For however long it takes, I'm offering my services. No fake dating or anything like that. A pure learning experience.” One side of his mouth tipped up in that cocky grin I recognized. “Though an enjoyable one, I promise.”

He stopped and looked at me, his expression clearly saying he was waiting for a response.

How the hell was I supposed to respond to something like that? “I-I,” I stammered. “Thank you, Cade.” I finally managed to find words. “I appreciate the offer, but I don't do casual sex.”

He stood and grinned down at me. “Trust me, there's nothing casual about how I do sex.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, rectangular card. He held it out to me. “Like I said, this is all business, and Adelle is footing the bill.” He winked. “The least you can do is make her pay. Literally.”

I took the card. “Tempting as it is, I don't think I'll be using your services again.” I stood. “Thank you very much for coming to set things straight. I really do appreciate it.”

“But you're not interested in my offer,” Cade finished for me.

“No.” I shook my head.

“Well,” he said as he headed for the door. “If you change your mind, give me a call. There's no expiration date.”

As the door closed behind him, I looked down at the card in my hand. There was no way I was going to call him, I told myself as I carried our mugs back into the kitchen. I stuck the card under a magnet on my refrigerator.

No way at all.

Chapter 4

I tried to be insulted by Cade's proposal but, in a way, I knew it was a result of what I'd said. I was annoyed at myself for sharing such personal thoughts, but I couldn't really be angry that he'd taken what I'd said and tried to help. He hadn't acted like I was pathetic and couldn't do things on my own, only that I needed more confidence or whatever it was he offered to women. I hadn't seen any pity in his eyes at least, and for that I was grateful.

Still, I couldn't consider taking him up on it, even if it would be nice to make Adelle pay for what she'd done. By Wednesday morning, she'd called half a dozen more times, leaving voicemails each time. When I saw Mindy waiting for me in my classroom, I knew Adelle had reached out to her.

“Bree, I don't know what happened between the two of you, but you need to talk to Adelle.” She didn't even bother with a greeting or trying to ease into it. The annoyed expression on her face said that Adelle had either called her more than once or had woken her up early this morning.

“It's complicated,” I said as I unpacked my bag.

She leaned against one of the front row desks and crossed her arms. “So complicated that you're not even going to give your oldest friend a chance to explain?”

“You're my oldest friend,” I joked. She scowled at me. Apparently she wasn't in the mood for our group's way of reminding her that she was three years older than Adelle and me.

“What happened, Bree?” she asked.

I sighed. This was not a conversation I wanted to be having.

“Look, something's going on and you're obviously not talking to Adelle about it. You can't keep all this bottled up. It isn't healthy.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? You're going to go all school counselor on me?”

Mindy raised an eyebrow and got that stubborn look on her face that meant she wasn't going to let this one go. She wasn't pushy about everything, but she believed that once she chose to fight a specific battle, she stuck through it to the end.

I walked around my desk to face her. “Fine. You want to know why I'm not speaking to Adelle? Here it is. The date she set me up with wasn't a date. She paid for me to get laid.”

I was satisfied to see Mindy's jaw drop. At least I didn't have to ask if she'd known. I continued, telling her all about how Cade was my mystery man and I'd gone through the entire date thinking he liked me for me. I forced myself to keep my head up and my eyes straight ahead. I hadn't done anything wrong. I didn't have anything to be ashamed of. Still, I couldn't stop the heat in my cheeks when I confessed to sleeping with Cade or the proposal he made. That was the only part of the story I wasn't entirely truthful about. By carefully choosing which piece of information I gave, I made it sound as if Cade's offer had come from wanting to help me 'get back on the horse' and not from any confessions of inadequacy on my part. I knew Mindy. If I questioned why I attracted men like that, she'd feel like she had to discuss it and try to make me feel better. I didn't want that right now. I wanted to get this done and over with so she could tell me it was okay for me to be mad at Adelle.

By the time I finished, Mindy's eyes were flashing. “I can't believe she did that!”

I went back around my desk and began setting out what I needed for my first period class. “Now you know why I'm not taking her calls.”

“And then this Cade offers what, to 'teach' you?” She shook her head. “Well, you were definitely right to turn him down. You don't need to have anything to do with that.”

“My thoughts exactly.” I pushed aside the fact that I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Cade since that night. Mindy didn't need to know those details.

“But...” She hesitated.

My eyes narrowed. “But what?”

“But you and Adelle have been friends for such a long time.” She held up her hand before I could argue with her. “I'm not saying she was right, and you have every right to be pissed at her. She deserves your anger, without a doubt.” Mindy pushed her hair back from her face and I could tell she was trying to word this right. “My only concern is, after everything you two have gone through, do you really want to ruin your friendship over something like this? You know Adelle. Her heart's in the right place. It's her head that doesn't think straight.”

I knew Mindy was right. I knew Adelle wouldn’t intentionally hurt me and I knew I would eventually forgive her but today was not that day. I was still too wounded and raw right now and I didn’t want to talk to the person who had done the cutting.

“I'm not saying you have to let it go and be all sweet to her,” Mindy continued. “But I think you should at least talk to her. Let her tell you her side of things and if she truly did have your best intentions at heart, at least make an effort to understand where she was coming from.”

I frowned but didn't say anything.

“I need to get back to my classroom,” she said. “But if you need to talk some more, you know where to find me.”

I nodded but knew I'd never take her up on her offer. A part of me was annoyed that she was trying to play peacemaker, but I could understand why. She and I worked together, so we had that, but she and Adelle had a lot in common too. If Adelle and I were fighting, Mindy would be caught in the middle. No matter how angry I was at Adelle, I wasn't going to force Mindy to choose.

Unfortunately, that meant I was probably going to have to see if I could at least be civil to Adelle. I glanced at the clock. The students would be arriving soon, so I couldn't do anything about it now. I'd call Adelle at lunch and see if we could salvage things between us. After more than twenty years of friendship, it was the least I could do.

I managed to focus enough on my morning classes that my students didn't notice anything was wrong. Then it was lunchtime and I knew I had to follow through with my decision to call Adelle.

She answered before the first ring had even completed. “Bree, oh, I'm so glad you called!” For the first time I could remember, there was a note of almost panic to her voice that competed with the hint of hope and relief. “I didn't think I'd get a chance to talk to you before Friday.”

Friday. Shit. I hadn’t even allowed myself to think about our Friday night dinners, or how much I would miss them. I closed my eyes. I didn't even want to think about having to be in the same building as her, much less at the same table.

Adelle kept talking, as if she was afraid I wouldn't let her get the whole story out if she paused even for a moment. “I know you're angry with me and you have every right to be. It was wrong of me to lie to you and trick you into thinking I was setting you up on a blind date. But I thought… no, I knew you and Cade would hit it off and it seemed like the only way I could get you guys to meet.”

“You didn't think we'd hit it off,” I interrupted. “You thought I needed to get laid and I'd think he was hot.”

There was a moment of awkward silence. “I thought you two would really like each other.”

“If you thought that, why didn't you ask him to go on a date with me? A real date. You know… boy meets girl; boy pays for dinner; boy and girl eat and decide if they like each other. Not boy gets paid to fuck girl because girl is too pitiful to get laid on her own.” I struggled to keep my voice down, all too aware that there could be students outside my door.

“Bree–”

I cut her off. “Look, Adelle, I know you thought you were doing something nice for me, but you should know me well enough to know I wouldn't...” I sighed. “It's going to take some time for me to get past this.”

“But you will, right?” Adelle actually sounded worried. “We're going to be okay?”

I honestly didn't know, but I couldn't tell her that, so I just ignored the questions. “I'll see you on Friday at L20.” I hung up before she could try to say anything else.

By Friday, I still wasn't sure if my friendship would ever be the same between Adelle and me again, but I was determined to at least try. I'd lost the small hope I'd had for renewing my faith in love when I found my mystery man. I didn't want to lose my best friend too. And despite what had happened, Adelle and I had been through a lot together. If there was any chance we could mend this, I had to try.

For the first few minutes, things were tense, but as Mindy steered the conversation to safe topics that got us laughing and reminiscing, I found myself relaxing. If neither one of us talked about it again, maybe we could pretend nothing had happened.

“Can I get you ladies refills?” Our handsome waiter smiled at us as he reached for our empty glasses.

We all nodded despite having already reached our usual three drink limit. Well, three for Adelle and Mindy. Two for me. Three probably wasn't a good idea after the last time I'd had too much to drink, but I needed to take the edge off. Mindy would make sure I got home safely.

Of course, that made me think about how I'd gotten home before and all of my good humor vanished. What would it have been like if I hadn't been so drunk the first time we'd met? Would I still have slept with Cade after our date if I hadn't had that prior connection to him? What if I had asked him to come upstairs that first night? Would he have refused, citing my inebriated state, but really refused because I couldn't afford him? Or would he have taken me to bed, made love to me...

I closed my eyes and pushed the thoughts out of my head. Cade had made it perfectly clear that he didn't believe in emotional connections or love. Sex was a purely physical act. Granted, it was one he was extremely good at, but there wasn't anything real there. The only way things would've turned out good would've been if I'd never agreed to let Mindy or Adelle set me up with anyone.

“The waiter's checking you out.” Mindy's voice cut into my thoughts.

I opened my eyes and looked over at her. “What?”

“The waiter,” Adelle said. “He's been looking at you all night.”

I frowned at her. Hadn't she learned her lesson? “He's probably still in high school.”

Adelle rolled her eyes, a familiar gesture that once would've gotten an affectionate 'f– you' response from me. Now, it just annoying. It was her blatant disregard of my thoughts and feelings on things that had gotten us to this place.

“He's serving us alcohol,” Adelle pointed out. “That means he has to be at least twenty-one.”

“And?” I raised an eyebrow and took another drink. At this rate, I was going to end up with another bitch of a headache.

“And you should totally ask him out.”

“Adelle,” Mindy spoke softly as she threw me a glance.

“I learned my lesson,” Adelle said. “I won't talk to him for you or try to give him your number. I just think you should find out if he wants to go out with you.”

“I'm not interested in a relationship right now, Adelle,” I said. “Or a fuck and run if that’s going to be your next suggestion.”

“I'm not saying you should move in together,” she persisted. “Just go out for coffee, see where things go.” She jerked her chin behind me. “He's cute.”

I glanced over my shoulder as the waiter walked by. She was right. He was one of those gorgeous golden boys who looked like he'd be home on a California beach. “That's not the point,” I said.

“It is so the point,” she replied. “Ask him for coffee and then take him for a ride.”

She was doing it again, pushing for me to do what she thought I needed to do and not listening when I gave my opinion. I didn't want to be here anymore. I raised my hand as the waiter walked by, signaling for him to come over.

“We're ready for our check,” I said as he approached. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Adelle open her mouth. I didn't know if she was going to protest me ending our night or if she was going interfere with my love life... again, but I didn't want to hear it. Words popped out of my mouth before I realized I was going to say them. “You have pretty eyes.”

Oh shit. Had I really just said that? I didn't even know what the hell color his eyes were? Was that the best line I could think of? It sounded like the kind of cheesy pick-up line men like Steven Danforth used on drunk sorority girls to get them into bed.

“Thank you, Miss Gamble.” The waiter smiled, but the expression on his face made it clear he was uncomfortable. “My boyfriend said you were a nice teacher.”

“Excuse me?”

The waiter shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “My boyfriend. Kyle Jamison. You had him last year for senior English. He was behind a year because of some health problems and you helped him get caught up so he didn't end up getting behind again. He's at Stanford now.”

Right. I remembered the young man. He'd been nineteen and desperate to prove he wasn't stupid. A sweet boy.

I forced a smile. “I'm glad to hear he's doing well. Tell him I said hello, would you?”

“Of course, ma'am.” He glanced at Adelle and Mindy. “I'll be right back with the check.”

I waited until he walked away, purposefully not looking at either of my friends. When he was out of sight, I stood. I felt a bit wobbly, but nothing I couldn't handle. “I think I'll be calling it a night.”

“Wait, Bree–” Adelle began.

“No,” I snapped. “I don't want to hear it.”

“We just want you to be happy,” Mindy interjected.

My mouth flattened into a line. “Right now, a long hot bath and a good night's sleep are what will make me happy.” I didn't wait for either of them to try to make more excuses. I didn't run, but I walked as fast as a graceful exit would allow.

The cool autumn air felt nice against my overheated skin and cleared my mind. I wasn't as drunk as I'd feared and I didn't hail a cab right away. A walk sounded like just what I needed. I was too far from home to walk the entire way, but the direction I had to go was well-lit and still very public at this hour. The physical exertion would be good for me, help me burn off the anger starting to bubble up inside.

Nothing had changed. Adelle and Mindy both still thought it was their responsibility to 'help' me, but neither of them seemed to think that help meant supporting the decisions I made. I wasn't sure why it had taken me this long to realize my friends pitied me, but recent events had made it perfectly clear.

I could see now, as I looked back over the years, how they'd felt that way even before Ronald left me. They'd pitied how I'd only been with one man, as if my decision not to sleep with as many men as possible somehow meant I was broken and needed to be fixed. Maybe not that extreme, but they seem to think I couldn't manage on my own and I needed their help. When the hell did fucking equal being okay?

I scowled. I was tired of this. Tired of people thinking I was weak or couldn't do things on my own. I was tired of everyone acting like I needed to be coddled. The problem was, I wasn't sure I could do this on my own. I didn't want them to treat me like I didn't know what I was doing, but when it came to my personal life, I really didn't know. Tonight had been absolute proof.

I needed help, but I didn't want to get it from Adelle or Mindy. No, I needed it from someone who didn't have a personal stake in it. In me.

And I happened to know just the person.

Chapter 5

I kept telling myself that I'd made the right decision, that this was the best way to get what I wanted. It still didn't keep my palms from sweating or my heart from racing as I walked toward the little café where I'd arranged to meet Cade. The little voice in the back of my head that had been telling me for years how a good girl was supposed to behave had been yelling at me since I'd called him last night and it wasn't getting any quieter.

I paused at the café door and asked myself one last time if I was sure this is what I wanted to do. If I did this, there would be no going back. I would have to own this decision, and since Cade's proposal had included Adelle paying for his services, it meant admitting to my friends what I'd done. There was no way I could afford him on my own, not on my budget, and I wasn't about to go to someone on the street. And as much as it pained me to admit it, I was attracted to Cade, and our night together left me certain I would physically enjoy the experience.

“It's time to take charge,” I whispered to myself. “I'm a grown woman and this is a business transaction.”

My little pep talk didn't ease my nerves, but it did at least quieten that voice and allow me to think.

I stepped inside and scanned the room. I was early, but Cade was earlier. I spotted him sitting at a table next to one of the massive glass windows. He nodded in greeting but didn't come to me. That was fine. I didn't want anyone mistaking this for a date. And by anyone, I meant me. I went to the counter and ordered coffee, but decided to forgo my usual caffeine and asked for decaf. I didn't need anything to make me more jittery. I didn't even actually want the coffee, but I'd feel better if I had something to keep my hands around and sip from to help stop me from fidgeting. I needed to appear in control. I was the one who'd initiated contact, the one who was calling the shots.

I slipped into the seat across from Cade, my best professional expression on my face. I met his gaze but couldn't read anything. His face was casually blank, not in an expressionless way, but rather like someone who was mildly interested in whatever was going on around him.

“You said you wanted to discuss my offer?” He broke the silence and I was grateful for that. I hadn't been sure how to best approach the subject, and it wasn't like either of us wanted to make small talk.

“I do,” I said. Heat rose in my cheeks, but I refused to look down. “I'd like to take you up on it.”

If he was surprised by my decision, he didn't show it. He did, however, ask, “What prompted the change of heart?”

“I'm tired of my friends acting like I'm some charity case when it comes to men,” I said. “And I'm sick of attracting men like my ex.”

Cade nodded and took a sip of his drink. “So what is it, specifically, you want out of this?”

I frowned, confused. Wasn’t he the one who was supposed to tell me that? “Whatever it is you think I need.”

For a moment, I could've sworn I saw something like desire flash across his eyes, but I dismissed it as a trick of light. I wasn't going to do that, read into little nuances and try to convince myself that I was different, special.

“All right,” he said, his voice neutral.

“Everything having to do with payment goes through Adelle,” I continued with the next point on the list I'd written down this morning. “Whatever you charge, extra expense, anything like that, you deal with her. I don't care how and when she pays you. It's between the two of you. I never want to hear about it. Ever.” I couldn't stop myself from adding, “Considering you've dealt with her before with this kind of transaction; I figured you two already have an understanding.”

“Makes sense,” he agreed. He leaned back in his chair, the tight t-shirt he was wearing hugging his muscles.

I could see it now, how his every move was designed to draw attention to his body. Despite myself, a stab of arousal went through me. That was good, I supposed. I wouldn't want to get into this with someone whose touch I couldn't stand.

“Since I'm not discussing money with you,” he said. “I suppose we should start on the other terms.”

“Other terms?” I was confused, but curious.

One corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement. “Trust me, there's plenty we need to talk about before we get started.”

I blinked. I hadn't expected this. I'd thought I'd come in, tell him to deal with Adelle for his payments, we'd set up a time to begin, and that would be it. I hadn't thought we’d need to have some lengthy conversation.

“First, there's one rule I have for clients who hire me for more than one session. No matter what verbal contract we've agreed to, this will end if you become emotionally attached.”

“Good,” I retorted. “And I expect the same if you become 'emotionally attached to me.' The last thing I need is you following me around like a lost little puppy.”

A look of surprise crossed his face and I caught a flash of amusement in his eyes. Both were smoothed away in seconds, hidden behind his mask. “Since we've agreed on that, I need to know your sexual history,” he said it so matter-of-factly it took me a minute to process it.

“Why?” I asked. “What does it matter? You know I'm not a virgin.”

He ran his hand through his curls and I wondered if it was a nervous habit or a planned gesture. “During a normal session, part of the process of the night would be to learn what the client wants. I'm usually quite skilled at discerning needs. But, for what you're asking, it's different.” He shifted in his seat and leaned his elbows on the table, clasping his hands in front of him. “You feel like there's something wrong with you.”

I opened my mouth to protest, then snapped it shut again. He was right. This was why I'd come to him in the first place.

“I need to know what that something is,” he continued. “Both what you think and the reality.”

I mimicked his position, trying not to think about how close our hands were. “What do you want to know?”

“You said you’ve only had sex with one man other than me.”

I nodded.

“How long had you and your ex been together?”

“Seven years,” I answered automatically. “We started dating my freshman year of college.”

“When did you begin sleeping together?”

This wasn't too bad, I thought. It wasn't like my choices were anything to be ashamed of. “My sophomore year.”

“So you were, what, nineteen when you lost your virginity?” Cade gave me a searching look. “And you're in your mid-twenties now?”

I nodded again. “Twenty-five.”

“So in those six years, you never had sex with anyone else?”

“No. I never cheated.”

“What about threesomes? Or your ex watching you with someone else?”

For a moment, I thought he was joking, but then I realized he was serious. “Um, no. None of that.”

“So you've never been with a woman either, right?”

Heat rose in my cheeks. “Adelle and I got drunk at a party in college and kissed, but I don't remember it. Does that count?”