Текст книги "Lead Him Not Into Temptation"
Автор книги: M. L. Steinbrunn
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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 11 страниц)
Jen
“I can’t believe you got him that. You better hope he can take a joke,” Casen says as we get out of Nelly and carry our gifts up the pathway to Brooks and Vivian’s home. Every tree along the way has been attacked by pink balloons and streamers. I’m sure Grace and Emma are to blame…like Brooks needed any help going overboard with this party.
“Women get all of the presents at these things, it was only fair we bring Brooks something too,” I tell him. Never mind that my gift is entirely inappropriate and will likely piss him off more than make him smile, but that’s how mine and Brooks’ relationship has always been. We show each other we care about each other by creatively coming up with the best way to give one another shit. I don’t mean to brag, but I usually win.
“I’m glad I picked up the extra present to take the edge off the gift you’re giving,” he laughs as he knocks on the enormous door and we wait to be let into the party.
Blake answers the door, less than enthused. “Hey Aunt Jen, everyone is out back, just follow the pink.”
“Wow, buddy, that bad huh?” I ask him, handing him a present. “This one is for you. I figured there would be enough girly stuff around for a while, you needed something manly.”
He rips through the Spiderman wrapping paper revealing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures. “Holy crap!” he shouts, a smile finally appearing. He immediately looks around. “I mean holy cow. I’m not allowed to say crap,” he explains, lowering his voice.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell. Besides, crap is pretty mild in my book.” I lean in, quietly reassuring him.
“Thank you, these really are cool.”
“Don’t thank me; I don’t even know who they are. Casen picked them out.” He opens his mouth to give the history of the half-shell ninjas and I hold my hand up to stop him. “I’ve been filled in. Casen told me all about Shredder and Splinter…the whole detailed story of the green warriors.”
“I would love to take you to the turtle movie when it comes out in a few months, if you want to,” Casen adds. If I thought the kid’s smile couldn’t have gotten any wider, I would have been wrong.
“That is so cool! Thank you,” he shouts before running to his room. He’s probably finding the perfect hiding spot for his warrior force before the girls get ahold of them and beautify them with a spa day or something.
As instructed, we follow the pathway of pink to the back deck. “Holy hell, it looks like a tragic Bubblicious accident!” I exclaim, opening the backdoor to the baby shower of a lifetime. Piñata storks are perched on every railing, game stations are set up around the yard, and the pile of presents could rival the year-end inventory at Toys“R”Us.
Vivian stands from her throne of presents and rushes to us, pulling us both into a warm embrace. “I’m so glad you both came,” she says for all to hear. Then she pulls us closer to whisper in our ears, “Brooks and the girls went a little crazy, please play nice.”
I’m prepared to tell her best of luck with that, when Casen speaks over me. “I’ll keep her reined in as best I can, Vivian.”
Vivian pulls away with a stunned look, which matches my own. “Oh hell, I never thought I would hear a man say that about her. If you’re going to attempt to rein her in, you better hang on tight; you’re in for quite a ride,” Vivian laughs loudly.
“I’m so glad you both can laugh at my expense. Payback is a bitch, just remember that,” I huff and walk away to add my presents to the Mt. Everest of wrapping paper.
Finding a seat closest to the My Little Pony inflatable scene, I only have seconds before I’m bombarded with the Emma and Grace duo. They’re covered in sparkles, topping off their ensembles are tiaras and feather boas, too.
“Aunt Jen, we’re going to smell and eat baby poop, you want to be on our team?” Emma asks.
“Yeah, my daddy says you’re good at eating poopy,” Grace adds.
I now have absolutely no regrets giving Brooks my present, but instead of saying anything about him, I merely smile at the girls. Casen sits down next to me, stifling a laugh and I shoot him my best death glare. He holds his hands up in surrender and turns his attention to the girls.
“So, you girls are going to play the smell the diaper game?” he asks them. “We would love to be on your team as long as you’ll share some girly party accessories with us. I think we need to match as a team, don’t you?”
Apparently he didn’t understand the meaning behind the death glare, so I hit him with it again. This time, he ignores the threat. The girls jump up and down and race inside to grab their best dress-up items to prepare us for the baby shower Olympics.
“Oh, lighten up,” he says once the girls are inside. “I would think playing dress-up with crowns and jewels would be your thing.”
“You know, your priority shouldn’t be getting the kids to like you, it’s supposed to be getting me to like you,” I tell him.
“I’m not too worried, you already like me,” he gloats, easing back in his chair and resting his arm on an inflatable.
“It will be worth it to see you dressed in feathers and makeup. Today we are going to test the boundaries of your masculinity.”
“Well, in that case, I’m going to seek out the other men folk and bulk up on testosterone before the bite-sized glitter girls wage siege on my manhood.” He kisses me and squeezes my thigh before leaving me alone to find Brooks and Brooks’ brother, Lakin.
The guys have folded Casen into the crew seamlessly. Everyone gets along and it feels like he’s one of us, not someone who’s casually stopping through, but actually belongs here. I can’t help but stare at him interacting with the other guys. I never would have thought I would be in this comfortable situation with a man, but surprisingly, I’m thankful it’s happened.
“He seems like a great guy,” Carly says, interrupting my stalker session and sitting down in Casen’s vacated seat.
“Who would have thought I would find someone willing to put up with my shit, and I would wait around long enough to let them,” I tell her with a smile.
She laughs, but it’s not the sincere giggle Carly is known for. There’s a sadness which surrounds her. I may be the bitch of the group, but I won’t ignore when something is bothering her. I’m sure being here around all of this baby mania after all the trouble she and Jack have had only adds to it.
“Where’s Jack?” I ask, noticing he’s not circling the grill with the rest of the guys.
“He couldn’t come,” she says, looking away from me. “He had to work.”
“On a Saturday? What in the hell’s going on, Carly?”
She takes a moment before responding. “I don’t know, Jen,” she finally says, turning to look at me. “Things haven’t been okay for a while. I don’t know what to do anymore.” Her watery eyes show the pain of the situation and I feel helpless to make it better for her.
I grab her hand and squeeze tightly. “Is it the baby thing, or is there something else going on?” I ask.
“You know, that’s what I thought the tension was stemming from, but I’m not so sure anymore. Jack won’t talk to me and he’s not home much.”
I realize what she’s implying and if it’s true, heaven help Jack. He won’t only need a good divorce attorney, he’ll need a bodyguard for the hit I’ll have taken out against him.
“Jack’s not stupid enough to think he could get away with something like that,” I insist.
“Maybe he doesn’t care if he gets caught,” she replies with a quiver of her lip. Someone catches her eye and she instantly changes her demeanor. I follow her line of sight and see Vivian and Campbell are headed in our direction, full of smiles and plates full of food.
“I don’t know what you two are gossiping about, but it’s present time. Get your asses in position for baby overload,” Campbell jests.
Vivian and Brooks find comfortable spots and begin ripping through the mountain of diapers, onesies, and receiving blankets.
“This one is from me,” I tell Brooks, sliding my special gift toward him. “And this little one is from Casen, he insists they go together,” I add.
His brows scrunch together, unsure of whether or not to risk public humiliation by opening his gift in front of everyone.
“Just open it,” I tell him when he continues to hesitate.
Slowly peeling away the blue wrapping paper, Vivian’s lips curl around her teeth, attempting to hold in her laugh when the gift is revealed. He looks to me for an explanation I’m surprised he needs.
“Vivian told us how you’re taking the plunge and getting the man marbles snipped. I thought a plastic dog cone would be a useful gift for your impending procedure. I had to go to three different vet clinics to find it.”
He pulls out the oven mitts with pictures of puppies on them and looks questioningly at me. “To keep your hands away from your battle wounds. Viv doesn’t need you scratching and popping a stitch.”
Our friends burst into laughter, although Brooks looks less than enthusiastic. “You’re time is coming, MacLauchlan, and I will be there waiting to embarrass the shit out of you,” he promises.
“Here, man. This might be a little more useful,” Casen tells him, handing him our smaller gift.
He shows less apprehension towards Casen’s gift, tearing it open. With a massive grin, he exposes the bottle of whisky. “Now that’s a useful gift!” he says excitedly. “Come on boys, these ladies can handle the rest of the gifts. Let’s go crack this baby open.”
Lakin and Casen follow Brooks into the house in search of glasses. “The games will start soon and I’ll be taking pictures, boys. Drunk or not, I expect a picture with your new gifts, Brooks,” I call after them.
As the glass doors open, laughter erupts at the sight of the guys. Emma and Grace, along with the little mini-tag-a-long, Olivia, lead the pack of fluffed and feathered, jeweled and manicured. We thought the men had gotten lost in sports conversations and booze. Apparently eye shadow and nail polish found them instead. I grab my camera and begin taking snapshots of the princess brigade.
“Aren’t they pretty?” Emma asks.
“Oh, they are gorgeous, cricket!” Vivian exclaims.
“Daddy said he wouldn’t dress up unless he got the purple boa. He said it looks the best with his dark hair,” Grace adds.
Brooks rolls his eyes and then twirls the feathers. “It brings out the blue in my eyes,” he says in a high-pitched tone.
“Your daddy always has been a bit of a diva,” Campbell says laughing. “But Casen and Lakin, what’s your excuse?”
“I wanted them to like me, and he was feeling left out,” Casen says pointing to Lakin.
“Hey now, I’m the cool uncle, I couldn’t leave my girls hanging. I’m manly, thank you very much; I do Kung Fu.” Lakin tries to plead his case, but fails miserably in his aqua-toned makeup and red-jeweled tiara.
“Whatever gets you through, Nancy,” I tell him as I click the camera.
“Hey there, sparkplug, any of these pictures end up on the tour flyers and there will be retribution,” Casen threatens. “There are still a few more shows left and we do want a record deal when it’s over.”
“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with us,” Carly chimes in.
“Are we playing games or wh—” Blake begins to say as he exits the house and sees the guys in their princess outfits. He closely examines each one of them with a look of bewilderment smeared across his face.
“Does this make me the man of the house, Mom?” he asks Vivian. She laughs instead of answering him. He then sizes up Casen again before addressing him individually. “I’m pretty sure the turtles don’t wear makeup. If you guys need to remember how to be guys, I guess I could play action figures with you.”
“All right, enough. Let’s get these games going,” Brooks interjects. “What are the teams?”
“I would say boys versus girls, but I don’t think I can take on everyone by myself,” Blake explains, prompting the men to share a look of insult.
“How about us women versus you girls? Blake, you can be the referee,” Campbell suggests.
Everyone agrees and heads down the stairs of the deck to the games set up on the lawn. Baby trivia, baby food in a diaper guessing game, changing and dressing the baby partner challenge; the men kicked our asses at each one. Well, Brooks and Lakin weren’t much help to their success, but between the girls’ small hands and Casen’s experience with his younger siblings, they destroyed us. The men took their victory lap carrying the girls on their shoulders around the yard while we pouted. Campbell and I weren’t expected to be much help. Hell, I killed a Chia Pet once. Vivian and Carly are moms, though. I’m going to blame nerves and intimidation, I may even stoop low enough to declare the men cheated, but either way, it was a pathetic showing on our part.
“You just earned diaper duty for the first two months, sweetheart,” Vivian teases Brooks.
“And you lost naked time privileges for the next month, big guy,” I tell Casen. “Vivian is kidding, I’m not.”
He wraps his arms around me, smearing his makeup on me. “We both know you can’t go that long, sparky” he whispers.
I push him away lightly, “You don’t want to challenge me, Mr. Thompson. I have enough electronic love machines to put the Shop Erotic show off the air and out of business.” I know he’s absolutely correct, but I’m also a sore loser.
“Here, let me help you with your celibacy mission,” he says before turning to the rest of the group and clicking his glass to gain their attention. “Jen and I have one last gift for you. We thought you guys might need a weekend away before the baby comes so we would like to watch the kids for you.”
Mouths drop open in disbelief, including my own. He continues with his offer, though. “We thought we could take all the kids camping up at my regular camping spot outside Colorado Springs. Fishing, hiking, s’mores, the kids will love it. Carly, we would love to have Olivia come along as well.”
I love all the “we” shit he’s throwing out there. Everyone looks to me for my approval of “our” offer. The girls know I’m the farthest thing from maternal, and me babysitting for an hour is a stretch, let alone an entire weekend. They do value their kids, and placing them in my care is probably a scary notion.
“Wow! That would be amazing!” Vivian screeches.
“I would owe you so big, man!” Brooks says at the same time.
Apparently they are more desperate for a weekend together than I thought. I look to Carly, my voice of reason. “Well, if everyone is on board, then I’m okay with it. Are you sure about this, Jen?” she asks.
Shit, I’m backed into the “we” corner. I have no choice but to agree, or I come off as the asshole who doesn’t want to help out friends.
“Of course! There’s a Walmart a few miles away where we can get the fishing gear and anything else we need, the camper is great, and the hiking trails are wonderful. The kids will have a blast; there’s nothing to worry about.”
Eyes wide, everyone’s attention is now on me. I thought I was pretty convincing.
“You went to a Walmart? Casen, what did you do to our friend? She wouldn’t have been caught dead in a Walmart,” Brooks says.
“Oh, screw you guys, you want the gift or not?” I shoot back.
“There she is,” Vivian laughs. “Yes, we accept your gift, thank you.”
Smiling, I turn to Casen and silently mouth the only words, which come to mind, “We’re fucked.” He laughs, but I’m entirely serious.
Casen
“Dude, that was fucking epic,” Seiger yells, running off stage. “This was the best show of the tour.”
I couldn’t disagree. We played our hearts out tonight, thank God. Campbell didn’t tell the other guys, but there were record label representatives in the audience tonight. My stomach has been in knots all evening, but not because of our chance at a record deal. My anxiety stems from the extra guests I’ve invited to the show who are waiting for me in the dressing room. Campbell got me the number I needed and slipped them backstage, but she did so with a cautionary warning. My plan could blow up in my face, but I just couldn’t leave it alone.
Sweat is dripping off all of us; John looks like he walked through a car wash. That doesn’t stop Jen from taking pictures of us, though. Campbell meets us off stage with towels and a giant smile. She is absolutely dressed for the occasion. Her hair is pinned up in a sleek rockabilly hairdo, which matches her form-fitting dress and patent-leather heels. We’re all careful not to get her pristine outfit wet.
“I’ve some great news for you, boys,” she announces. “I have a meeting set up for you tomorrow with a rep from Sony Records. Congratulations, guys, they’re prepared to offer you a record deal!”
“Fuck yeah they are,” Royce shouts, high-fiving Seiger.
John picks up Campbell, disregarding his sweat, odor, and her outfit, and swings her around, landing a sloppy kiss on her cheek. “We owe you so big, Cam.”
“Don’t thank me. You guys play the music they like, I just got them to the show,” she laughs, taking the towel from John and drying herself off.
Jen hangs back away from our celebration, capturing the moment on film. Grabbing her hand, I pull her into the excitement. “I want to share this with you, sparky. This is something I’ve always wanted, and you’re helping to complete the other missing piece,” I tell her, adding a chaste kiss which makes her giggle.
“And what would that be?” she questions.
“A family,” I murmur in her ear. She smiles so bright and luminous it melts me. I want nothing more than to look at her smile every day for the rest of my life. I only hope I still get the chance after Jen finds out what I’ve done.
“Let’s go celebrate! Beers on me tonight,” Royce shouts, earning cheers from everyone.
“Thanks, man, but I have some people waiting for me,” I tell him, declining his offer. Jen looks at me confused and I give her a reassuring smile. I glance over at Campbell and her tight-lipped smile does nothing to ease my nerves. I have never been so unsure of anything in my life.
“I’m going to stay behind and finish some things here. Text me where you guys decide to go and I’ll meet you there,” she tells Royce. I know she has nothing to finish. She’s staying for moral support in case my plan goes south. Whether she’s there to comfort me or calm Jen, I don’t know. Either way, I’m glad she’s willing to stick around.
They agree and head out the backdoor, leaving Campbell, Jen, and me alone. “I’ll be around, Casen, if you need anything,” Campbell offers and returns to the front of the bar.
“I’m starting to feel uneasy, Casen. What in the hell is going on?” Jen asks. She’s looking around, searching for clues as to what I have in store.
I grab her hand, weaving her fingers in mine and kiss her knuckles before tucking them into my chest. “I need you to follow me, but first I need to tell you something.”
“You’re freaking me out. What in the hell is going on?” She takes a step away from me, but I pull her back into my embrace.
“I want you to know I love you, and what I’ve done, I did because I love you. I know this is the first time I’ve told you that, but I do. I love you, and I need you to hear it and believe it.”
She reaches up and lightly brushes her hand against my cheek. I close my eyes and lean into her hand, memorizing her touch. “I love you too, Casen. Now tell me what you did.” Noticing my distress, her voice is soft and comforting.
“I made some phone calls and invited some people to meet us tonight. I didn’t think you would ever do this on your own, so I’m giving you the nudge I think you need. They’re in the dressing room waiting for you. If you want, I can go in with you, or I can wait out here. I’ll do whatever you ask.”
Her brows pull together briefly before she yanks her hand from mine and storms off down the hall toward the dressing room. She stops in front of the door and pauses with her hand on the doorknob. She looks at me one last time, before twisting the knob and pushing the door open. Standing in the doorway, frozen in place, she stares at Maggie and Abby who are waiting on the other side of the doorway.
She closes the door and hastily returns to me. “Leave,” she demands. She is shaking and on the verge of tears. The last thing I want to do is leave her when she’s like this, especially because my actions caused this.
“Jen, please—” I begin to plead, but her shout interrupts me.
“I said leave,” she screams, her tiny hands finding strength in her rage to push me away. “How dare you go behind my back and do this. Seeing them was my decision, not yours.”
Her anger radiates off her and I realize nothing I say will tear down her wrath right now. The best I can do is respect her wishes at the moment, and hope she forgives me later.
“I’m sorry, Jen. I just thought this reunion wouldn’t have happened without a little help. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“Maybe it wouldn’t have, but it was my choice to make,” she sighs, tears filling her eyes. “Please, Casen. Just go. I can’t do this right now.” She looks down at the floor, unable to look at me anymore, leaving me nothing left to do except leave.
I kiss her head and allow my fingers to run through her silky hair. I feel her take a ragged breath under my hand, and it rips my heart from my chest.
“Please,” she whispers.
I nod and walk out the backdoor; leaving my heart behind, I hope it makes its way back to me.
Jen
My legs won’t move. I’m torn between running out to the parking lot and getting as far away as possible, and going back to the dressing room to meet the daughter who was taken from me, the person I didn’t think I deserved.
I’ve held onto my aunt’s letter for a month, trying to decide what to do. Eventually I would have reached out to them, but when I first read it, and every time since, I’m overwhelmed with anxiety. I’m conflicted with a number of intimidating thoughts: Fear of rejection, fear of having to explain where I’ve been and why I haven’t been in her life, fear of telling her how she came to be. Talking about those things makes them real, and for the last decade I’ve done a great job of avoiding it all. When I left my aunt’s home I shoved all those cruel memories deep down, hoping that they would never resurface. It wasn’t until Casen that I was forced to face my hurtful past. Now, my previous life is sitting on the other side of the door waiting for me.
Gathering every bit of courage I can find, I slowly take the twenty steps to the dressing room door. Before I can change my mind, I turn the knob and open the door. Taking the first step into the room, I let fate take over from there.
“Hi, sweetheart,” my aunt says, rushing to me and pulling me into her arms. “I’m so glad you came back.”
“I just needed a minute, but I’m ready now,” I tell her quietly. “Does she know about me?” I ask her, afraid of what the answer might be.
“Jen, honey, she knows everything. She is so excited to meet you.” Her reassurance provides so much relief. The knot in my stomach loosens and for once, I think I can actually go through with this.
Maggie takes my hand and guides me to the couch, where my daughter is patiently yet nervously waiting for me. It’s amazing how much she looks like me. Her brown eyes and blonde hair remind me of myself at her age and I’m overwhelmed with grief for all the things in her life I missed out on. First steps, first words, first day of school. I missed it all. I’m jealous of my aunt’s involvement in Abby’s life, and simultaneously I’m thankful that she cared enough to do what she did for me.
Maggie lightly grabs Abby’s hand and pulls her up from the couch so we’re face-to-face. “Jen, this is your daughter Abby. Abby, sweetheart, this is your mom.”
Maggie’s introduction was so simple, yet her words hit me like a giant freaking boulder. I’m a mom. I never let myself even consider the words before, because the label was taken from me. But Maggie has given it back to me. I’m Abby’s mom and I’ve never wanted anything more.
I reach out my hand to shake hers, unsure of what the situation calls for. I want to hug her, I want to tell her I’m sorry this happened to us. Yet I don’t know where the boundaries are and I don’t want to mess this up. Instead of the momma bear hug I want to give her which would rival Vivian’s, I reach my hand out like an olive branch, hoping forgiveness finds its way to the other end.
Though, instead of a hand, Abby jumps into my arms, wrapping her little arms around my waist and squeezing so hard it knocks the wind out of me. “I’m so glad you’re here, Mom,” Abby says excitedly.
I place my hands on her head and smooth her wild hair down with tears running down my cheeks. I take a deep breath, the strain in my throat making it difficult to breathe. “There isn’t anywhere I would rather be, baby girl. I’m not going anywhere, anymore.”
As angry as I was with Casen for intruding on this, now that I’m holding Abby in my arms all of my rage has disappeared. I don’t know how to thank him for forcing me to take the leap I’m not sure I would have done on my own. He helped return the most valuable thing I’ve ever lost, and I wish he was here to be a part of the homecoming. I can never thank him enough for bringing my daughter back to me. He created a family for me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to repay the debt.
