Текст книги "Forgive Us Our Trespasses"
Автор книги: M. L. Steinbrunn
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Текущая страница: 12 (всего у книги 20 страниц)
Brooks
When I texted Vivian and didn’t hear back right away, I admit I went into freak-out panic mode pretty quickly. I thought she had changed her mind about me, and that this time she was going to push me away. To say I was excited when she finally texted me back would be an understatement. I actually picked up Grace and carried her out to the car as quickly as possible, leaving our lunch on the table at the McDonald’s Playland. I had to hurry home to make plans for the evening. I needed this date to go well. I needed to show her I’m different, better, and that she is my priority.
I feel like I’m finally at a place where I can really prove my worth to her; I want to marry this woman and to create the family I always wanted with her. The issue of my past is not an issue anymore. I don’t even refer to him by name; he has been reduced to being called my previous issue. I cut off all correspondence soon after it started, and I haven’t heard from him since, and if ever put in the situation to choose again, I will choose Vivian.
I put in a call to Katie, my babysitter, and make reservations at a romantic Italian restaurant downtown that is just across from a piano bar that has dancing. On the way home, a very annoyed Grace and I stop at a flower shop. To redeem myself from the Playland fiasco, I let Grace choose the flowers.
Now I’m sitting outside her house, and fuck if I’m going to throw-up right in her driveway. I’m never scared, and I’m scared to death right now. In the business realm I’m calm and collected, the man that calls the shots and lets the others sweat it out. But at the moment, my nerves have a death grip on my gut, and I can feel my McNuggets from lunch rising up and burning my throat. I wipe my sweaty palms on my black suit pants, and take a few deep breaths to settle my stomach.
This woman has me turned inside out, and I can’t get a handle on it. A banging on the window startles me out of my meltdown moment.
“Are you coming inside, or are you just going to sit in your car all night?” I hear Blake shout through the window. When I see him, I immediately begin to relax. The kid is the perfect mixture of Will and Vivian. He has Vivian’s dark auburn hair and Will’s whisky colored eyes. He’s a thick little guy; I have no doubt he will be good at sports like his dad.
I’m slapped with a wave of jealousy as I think about how I wish that he was my son. I want to be the one that gets to show him how to throw a ball, how to be a gentleman and hold doors open for girls, and show him how to drive a car. He may not be mine, but I want to be the man he looks up to.
He taps on the window again. His impatience is obvious, and I’m sure he’s beginning to wonder about my mental stability. I grab the lavender orchids that Grace chose and open the car door.
“Hey, buddy; sorry, you caught me daydreaming,” I say, patting him on the back as we begin walking up the driveway to the front door.
“Yeah, you were kind of freaking me out; you looked like you were going to puke. I was getting ready to go get Mom.”
Thank fuck he didn’t, that would have put a damper on our first date; I’m going for not crazy tonight. I might as well have put on a name tag for the evening, Hello, my name is Creeper.
I begin to ring the doorbell, but Blake stops me. “I live here, Brooks. We can just go inside. Are you sure you’re okay?”
Well, that’s just great. “Yeah, I’m good, just nervous,” I tell him, running my fingers through my hair and straightening my jacket. “Better?”
“Much better; you’re not even all sweaty anymore. Don’t be scared; Mom’s been getting ready since we got back from lunch. She told Aunt Amanda that she put on double the deodorant; she must be all sweaty, too.”
“Thanks, man, let’s keep that last bit just between us though, deal?”
“Sure,” he says with a shrug.
We pass through the entryway, and Blake leads me to the living room. The room is a complete reflection of Vivian’s personality. With browns, golds, and oranges filling the space, the room has a rustic feel. It is warm and inviting, just like her. There are plants in every corner, something you would never find at my house. Mine is a place where plants come to die.
I’m browsing the pictures of Blake and Emma that line the walls when I hear someone clear their throat. I turn to see who I presume to be Amanda, walking down the stairs. Judging from the glower on her face, my reputation precedes me.
“Look, Vivian will be down in just a minute, so I’ll just get to the point.”
I watch her step down onto the landing and cross her arms across her chest. She’s preparing for a confrontation, or at least put me in my place. Could I please catch a fucking break? Just one? I lay my flowers for Vivian on the coffee table and motion for her to continue, hoping to quickly get the reaming over with.
“I know everything that happened between you and Vivian, and I think that you were a total chicken shit. I’m trying to judge you by the man you are now, not who you were back then, and I’ll try to be supportive. I promise not to make things difficult for you guys if you’re really going to try and make this work.”
She drops her hands down at her sides and begins to walk towards me. “However, I swear if you fuck this up again, I know men back home with thousands of open acreage, and it would be very easy to hide a body; do I make myself clear?” she adds, while her long polished index finger pokes into my chest.
I take her hand away from my chest, placing it into my grip and giving her my best handshake. “You must be Amanda; it’s nice to finally meet you.” Was it kind of dickish of me? Yeah, but I hate that she’s judging me by my biggest mistakes, my biggest regrets.
I drop her hand and take a step back, knowing that I have invaded her personal space, and she just stares me down.
“I’m not the same man as when I was last with Vivian, and I’m sure that she’s not the same either. The way things ended between us was the biggest blunder of my life, but what I did was only to protect her. I was a stupid kid who was too fucking scared of her rejection to let her really know me. Every day, I’ve wished I hadn’t taken away that choice for her. I realize you don’t owe me a damn thing here, but if you could give me a little leeway to prove myself to her, I would really appreciate it.”
I hold my breath in anticipation of her response. She starts twirling a strand of her long blonde hair, and I realize that she has no problem letting me sweat it out.
Finally, she bobs her head in approval. “Okay, Brooks, but my threat still stands. One fuck-up and Jen, Carly, and I will be having a weenie roast.”
“I’ll bring the chocolate and marshmallows for dessert,” I say, trying to lighten the heavy aura of the room. Her lips thin, but then they curl around her teeth as she desperately tries to stifle a laugh. “It’s okay; you can laugh. I promise I’m not a total asshole.”
“Well, if Vivian is giving you another shot, you must have some redeeming qualities,” she says with a laugh, and then slugs me in the arm. “I’m supposed to be looking out for her; you’re not supposed to be making me laugh, you jerk.”
I hold my hands up in defense. “Sorry, I plan on being around for forever; I need to have someone on my side.”
“Oh, Brooks, no matter how much you make me laugh, I will always be on her side; that’s just how it goes.”
I don’t get a chance to respond though, because every bit of air is stolen from me when Vivian appears at the top of the stairs. I can’t breathe. I can’t blink. I’m entranced by the stunning sight before me. She is wearing a tight, mint green dress that hugs every perfect curve. Hanging off her shoulders and stopping just below her knees, it wraps around her like a second skin. All I can think is that there is no way there are undergarments underneath, and my dick twitches at the possibility of finding out. The heels that she’s paired with it only make my discomfort even more unbearable; they are at least four inches. Undergarments or not, the heels will be staying on this evening.
She begins to move down the stairs, and I watch in amazement at the grace of her movements. Her auburn hair has been curled into large waves that cascade past her bare shoulders. It’s long and looks so silky; I feel my hands tingling in anticipation of having my fingers in it. But then I notice the sway of her full hips and bounce of her generous chest, and I find it necessary to adjust myself before everyone in the room notices my approval.
“Good evening, Brooks. You look very handsome tonight,” she says when she reaches the landing.
Still awestruck that this woman is real, and that I get a chance to make things right, I’m at a standstill and words escape me. Amanda walks next to me, placing her hand on my chin and closing my mouth. I give her a sideways glance and a tight smile.
“You kids have fun,” Amanda laughs, taking the orchids and walking into the kitchen.
“Sorry, it’s just…wow. I mean, you look exquisite.” She smiles widely and I offer her my arm to lead her to my car.
“Thank you, you look great as well, and thank you for the flowers,” she says, linking her arm with mine. I have to remind myself to breathe. She feels perfect next to me; it’s where she should have always been, where I plan to always keep her.
Vivian
The car ride to the restaurant is relatively quiet with only the sound of the radio filling the car, but it’s a comfortable silence. I keep catching Brooks looking at me; maybe I’m not what he remembers, or maybe I let damn Amanda put too much make-up on me.
The girls went all out fixing me up for tonight, but it might be a little much. I can barely breathe in Jen’s dress, but I was outvoted, and from the look on Brook’s face and the bulge in his pants, he admires their choice.
After Brooks parks the car, he slides around the front of the car and opens my door. He offers his hand and pulls me close to him, allowing me to feel his solid chest under his suit. He releases me, and we walk hand-in-hand into the restaurant.
We are greeted and taken to a cozy table in the back of the establishment. The atmosphere is warm and delicate, with deep maroon linens covering the tables, and candlelight providing a luminous glow. Brooks pulls out my chair and I ease into it, letting the scent of his cologne envelop me. I find myself taking a deep breath of the sandalwood and apple, trying to hang on to the delicious smell for as long as possible.
He places his hands on my shoulders and reaches down to sneak a light kiss on my exposed neck, making me shudder. I feel my disappointment when he takes his lips away to sit down. I’ve promised to take things slow, remembering the girl who, against her better judgment, trusted this man once and lost. I’m trying desperately to contain my lust for this man, but between his intoxicating smell and his perfect body, the task is proving futile.
I quickly take a sip of my water in an attempt to cool myself down.
“I’m glad that you agreed to tonight,” he says, as I place the goblet back onto the table and begin twirling the stem. “I was afraid that you would have changed your mind, and I would have had to implement plan B.”
“And what would that have entailed?” I ask.
“I didn’t have all of the details worked out, but it involved at least a small mint in flowers and a whole lot of begging.”
I softly laugh and look down at the water glass in front of me that I am sill holding. “We both know that you are not the begging kind.”
Brooks takes my hand from the glass and surrounds it in both of his, causing me to look at him. “You’re right; I’m not. I’m a man that always gets what he wants, and I never have to ask twice. But with you, Vivian, you are my weakness, my Achilles' heel.”
My eyebrows pinch together. Brooks is a strong, proud man, and the idea of pulling him down unsettles me. I attempt to pull my hand away, but he tightens his grip and passes me a cocky smile.
“You are a weakness I would gladly beg to have, Red,” he says as he takes my hand and kisses my palm, which forces me to smile. I feel myself melt into his intense stare as the weight of his words sink into me. Our eyes are locked until the waiter arrives at our table, interrupting our moment.
We pull ourselves apart long enough to order our drinks and entrees, but as soon as our server steps away, Brooks gathers my hand once again.
“This is pretty surreal, don’t you think?” I ask him, rubbing my thumb along his knuckles. “Did you ever think in a million years that we would find ourselves here again?”
“In the back of my mind, I had hoped that this would have been in store for us someday, somehow. But then reality would wallop me across the face, and I would realize that you were happy in the life that you had without me, and I was fine with that because you were happy.”
He rubs his lips along my wrist, feathering along my pulse line, and I find it difficult to focus on his words as the electricity of his touch causes butterflies to bounce around my stomach. He lands one tender kiss where I’m sure he can feel my heartbeat pulsing through my wrist and pulls away.
“Now that you’re here, though, and I have the chance to be the one that makes you happy, I will do anything in my power to keep you. You always had my heart, every single fucking piece of it, and all I want to do is steal yours again.”
I feel my heart slam into my chest, but I try to rein in the overwhelming feeling. I refuse to fall so easily for this man all over again. I want him–God, do I want him–but the fear of the unknown has me wanting to run; how can I risk coming up with the losing hand once again?
“You have to understand, Brooks, I’m scared. No matter what the reasons were, things ended badly between us. When Will stepped in, he made it safe to love again, to feel again, and yet, I ended up with nothing. Everything I love keeps slipping through my fingers, and I’m afraid to lose again.”
“Let me be brave for both of us, Viv. We each have to take turns being the strong one, and now it’s my turn. I will be the light for as long as it takes for you to step out of the darkness.”
I look down at my wine glass that the waiter managed to bring without notice. I begin to twirl the stem, allowing my mind to digest this man’s words. I silently watch the pink liquid swirl around the edge of the glass, threatening at any moment to spill over the lip.
“Viv, please say something.”
“I need you to promise me something,” I say before stealing my eyes away from the crystal glass and meeting his intense stare.
“Anything, Red. Everything I have, I would promise you.”
“I know you said that you aren’t going anywhere this time, but I need you to promise. No matter what, there’s no more running. We both have been running long enough; it’s time to be still, together.”
“Vivian, I swear to you, and to anyone else that needs to hear this; I am yours, heart and soul. I have lived without my heart for ten years; I’m thankful to have it back, and I promise to never leave it behind again. Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m yours, and I plan with every bit of power that I possess that you will be mine. So no, I am not going anywhere.”
Brooks suddenly pushes his chair back, and with a quick stride, stands in front of me. Grabbing the hand that still hasn’t unleashed the glass, he pulls me from my chair, crushing me against his body. Although we garner the attention of the patrons around us, Brooks continues to hold me to him.
He slides his hand behind my neck and pulls me to him until I can hear his breath in my ear. The sensation sends shivers down my body, and I find my resolve melting away. I stand there waiting. Waiting for words, waiting for a kiss, I didn’t know what. But I know in that moment I would wait for as long as it took to have anything he would give me.
I feel his cheek against mine, his breathing harsh and labored like he’s restraining himself. In a harsh whisper, he finally breaks the silence. “I think we need to get something clear right now, Vivian. I have loved you every second that I’ve known you. When I wasn’t with you, I tried to force myself to not love you. I don’t want to pretend anymore. Don’t run from me, Red; don’t run from us, because I’m not fucking going anywhere.”
He kisses my forehead and sits down at his seat, just as quickly as he’d stood, leaving me standing stunned by our intense public moment. I slide back into my chair as the waiter arrives with our food, and I’m thankful that there is a distraction available.
His words tumble around in my mind, and as they sink in, I find myself believing his sincerity. He’s not going anywhere; he will be different. He won’t hurt me.
Our conversation lightens as the meal progresses, shifting the dialogue easily between topics. He tells me all about Grace and her mother, explaining his previous dating relationships, or lack thereof. He shares about his architectural firm, and I suggest Amanda’s advertising agency when he mentions wanting to make a change in his marketing strategy. I share how I’ve moved away from teaching to pursue writing and to spend more time with Emma and Blake since Will died.
Time passes without notice, and soon we are the only ones left in the restaurant. My cheeks are aching and my stomach is sore from laughing at the stories we share about our children and my old students. Our waiter has since given up on us, and he is sitting at a back booth waiting for us to cash out our check.
“I think we’ve worn out our welcome; the servers are waiting on us to close the restaurant,” I say, taking a final sip of my wine.
“You’re right; we should probably get going. I just don’t want tonight to end.” Brooks takes out his wallet and throws a wad of cash onto the table. I’m sure he is severely over-tipping to make up for our late stay.
He takes my hand, easing me out of my chair, and then rests his palm at the small of my back to guide me out to the parking lot. The drive home is comfortable; all of the tension that started the date has dissipated, and it feels just like it always did with us. It feels natural; it feels right.
“Thank you for such a lovely evening, Brooks,” I say as he pulls into my driveway.
He parks the car and laces our fingers together. “Thank you for agreeing to go,” he mutters through a cocky grin before landing a soft kiss on my palm.
“School is going to be starting in a few weeks, so I had planned on taking Grace to the zoo. You know, one last trip before things get busy. Would you and Emma and Blake like to join us?”
I’m trying to focus on his words, but his touch is distracting, and I’m struggling to keep myself on my side of the car. I’m confident that my dress would probably split in two if I tried to propel across the middle console, though.
Brooks begins to laugh, pulling me from my sidetracked inner dialogue.
“Sorry, um, the zoo. Yeah, that sounds great. But do you think that it’s alright to be a couple in front of the kids yet? Should we slow it down a little, at least when we’re around them?”
“Why don’t you ask Amanda if she’ll come with us, and I’ll invite my brother Lakin; we’ll make it feel like a group outing instead of a family date. We can be somewhat slow if you need that.”
“Thank you. I better go in before Amanda starts flickering the porch light.”
He kisses my hand one more time and exits the car, running around to my side to open the passenger door. Pulling me into his side, we slowly walk up to the front door, trying to extend our time together until the last possible second.
As soon as we hit the bottom step, Brooks wraps his arms around me and pushes my back up against the exterior of the house. “I’ve waited all night to get my lips on yours, and I can’t let you go into that house without getting a taste of what I’ve been missing.”
I stiffen, shocked by his forward and swift advance. Placing his hands on either side of my head, he cages me in, his eyes darting from my eyes to my lips, begging for permission. When my body relaxes and I smile, he takes it as an open invitation, crushing his mouth to mine.
His hands move away from the wall and begin to explore my body, sliding down my ribs and resting on my hips, drawing me closer to him. Our kiss deepens; the fire between us ignites. I’m not sure at this point if the flame can be extinguished; the neighbors are no doubt getting a show.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Brooks mutters as he drags his lips down my jaw.
“I forgot how good you feel,” I say, tilting my head back to give him better access.
Hastily, he draws his head back, looking into my hooded eyes. “I’m going to spend every fucking day helping you remember, Viv. You’re my Clover, and you always will be.”
Expecting another passionate kiss, I brace myself for impact, but instead, Brooks slowly leans in and lightly touches his lips to mine. It’s a feather-like peck that leaves my already-swollen lips tingling.
“Goodnight, Vivian,” he says through a smile.
“Goodnight, Brooks,” I breathlessly sigh.
I watch as he walks back to his car and opens the driver’s side door. He turns to throw me one last grin over his shoulder before getting in and driving away. I’m left still pressed against the house, attempting to gather myself. I let my fingertips trace along my lips, feeling the lingering effects of his kiss. Finally, regaining my composure and adjusting my dress, I find my keys and enter the house. I don’t even get my ankle-breaking shoes off before I hear my phone buzz.
Brooks: I can’t wait to get lost in my green again. Sleep well, Clover.
My stomach flip-flops at the sight of his nickname for me. I smile and grip my phone tightly to my chest. I silently make my way upstairs to my room. The house is quiet, still, just like my heart. Brooks has managed to stifle my fears and replace my missing heart. I just hope I can guard it better this time.
