Текст книги "Sinful Longing"

Автор книги: Lauren Blakely

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Rock. Hard.

His dick was steel. His stubble was coated in her gorgeous, glorious, delicious wetness. He could still taste her on his tongue. Like sin and honey. Like longing and lust. Like the woman he had to have completely.

She sighed happily as her eyes fluttered open, so dreamy and sexy.

“Hi,” she whispered as he rose up. “That was…”

“You are…”

Neither one of them could seem to finish their sentences. She scooted back into the pillows then lifted her hand, tracking the lotus design on his chest. She traveled lower, over his abs to his waist. She pushed down his briefs. He was sitting on his knees, still between her legs. No better place to be.

She ran her tongue across her lips as she freed his cock, then took it in her hand and stroked him. Shuddering, he felt a bolt of desire tear through him as she rubbed her hand slowly up and down his dick. He loved how she touched him. Absolutely fucking loved everything about it, from the way she ran her fingers over him to how her breath came fast and heavy as she gripped him.

Mostly though, it was her eyes. It was the way she gazed at him. She looked at him with so much want, so much desire, and so much more. Like she wanted him in all the same ways he wanted her.

His breathing turned erratic the more she touched him, the more she rubbed her hands all over him. The craving inside him multiplied; it rose exponentially as she stopped at the head of his dick, spreading a bead of liquid over him. He groaned.

She whispered his name.

“Yes?” he answered, as he pushed off his briefs. His voice was soft, but it echoed, the only sound in his quiet home. It vaguely occurred to him that he hadn’t stopped to turn on music or anything. He hadn’t needed it though. The noises she made were all he wanted in his ears.

“I want to know how it feels without any barriers,” she said, wrapping both hands around him now, leading him closer to the promised land.

The prospect of flesh against flesh, skin on skin, electrified him. But a kernel of worry set up camp, too, and he remained stock still as he asked, “Are you sure? I mean, should we?”

“I’m on the pill.”

“But…”

“I wasn’t when I was younger. The condom broke. The pill has been fantastic. But we don’t have to if you’re not comfortable.”

“No, I want to. I just want to make sure it makes sense.”

She nodded. “It does. It works.”

He positioned his cock between her legs and rubbed the head against her wetness. Roping her arms around his neck, she drew him closer. She spread her legs, wrapping them around his hips as he sank into her. He trembled from the absolutely exquisite feel of her hot pussy gripping his dick. “You’re so fucking wet,” he said as he hitched her leg up higher, giving himself a better angle.

“I always am with you,” she said, then raised her face to his and claimed his lips. She kissed him, and he fucked her, and soon that was all he knew. The deep and primal drive to fill her. The heat flooding his body. Her fingernails running the length of his spine. And her mouth, her decadent, sinful lips fused to his, kissing him greedily as he took her.

Hard.

Deep.

Rough.

She let go of his mouth and yanked him closer, kissing his neck, his face, moving her lips to his ear. “I love the way you fuck me,” she whispered, her voice fevered.

So fiery. She was so damn fiery and passionate. It drove him wild. “Fucking you is amazing. Do you have any idea why it’s so good?” he said in a heated voice as he stroked.

“Tell me.”

“Because it’s more than fucking.” The words tumbled from his lips. He hadn’t planned to tell her now, but he couldn’t hold back. He couldn’t pretend. She was more than this. She was so much more than the physical. He pulled back to look at her. Maybe he’d scared her. Maybe she’d freeze up again. But her lips were parted, her eyes were wide open, and she gazed back at him, not letting go.

“I know it is,” she whispered, the words like poetry to his ears. Sweet, gorgeous music.

“It’s more than what it used to be.”

“So much more,” she murmured as she moved with him. They were finishing each other’s sentences, filling in what the other was saying. They both felt it. There was no other way.

Their bodies coiled together. She was slick and hot, and so was he, and he couldn’t get close enough, couldn’t have enough of her, couldn’t imagine this stopping at just sex. No, this was way more than fucking. It was fucking and falling at the same damn time, and nothing—no drug, no drink, no high-flying parachute dive—had ever felt as good as coming together with the woman he desired madly.

Coming together…and falling apart.

* * *

She shivered as he ran his fingertips over her sparrows. “These are my favorite,” he said, kissing them.

She trembled in his arms, her back to him as he held her. She barely felt like herself. She was some other version of Elle Mariano in these stolen moments with Colin. And she loved this version. She savored being this woman. Not a mom. Not a social worker. Not a woman with secrets that couldn’t be shared. She wore only her bra and panties, and he was clad in his briefs. They’d eaten Thai while watching the final ten minutes of Goodfellas, reciting the closing lines together. Then they’d managed one more quick round, and now the clock was racing closer to the end of the night. She had to leave in thirty minutes.

“Why do you like them?”

“Because I love your neck, and these birds are like a homing beacon to me.”

“That’s why I got them.”

“To draw me to your neck?”

She laughed and shook her head. “No. Because in olden days, sailors would follow birds to land. That’s how they knew when they were coming close to shore. There’s a legend about a sailor who found his way home by spotting sparrows. I just love the idea of finding your way home.”

“When did you get this one?”

“Five years ago. Things were really rough with Sam then. It was his third or fourth rehab stint. I lost count. But I needed the reminder that I could find my own way home,” she said, glad it was a topic she could freely discuss. Though they’d talked about their ink before, they’d never delved into it in great detail.

“I like that idea. I believe that’s true. You can find your way home,” he said softly, and she craned her neck to look at him. The sun had dropped below the horizon, and night had fallen. Dark shadows lined his face from the waning light in the windows; he’d only turned on one lamp.

“I believe it, too. And sometimes you have to rely on something outside of yourself to do that.”

“Who or what did you rely on?”

“My mom, my sister, my son. Basically, my family,” she said.

“I love that you’re so close to them. It’s the same with my brothers and sister,” he said, and she tensed momentarily, wondering what would happen to that tight-knit foursome when they learned they were five.

His hand dropped to her hip, traveling across the cherry blossom tree that decorated her side up to her rib cage. That had hurt like hell, given the location, but she loved the intricate design and symbolism of it. “Wait. I was wrong. This one is my favorite,” he whispered, dusting a kiss across the blossoms. “It’s beautiful and sexy, like you.”

“I had this one done in San Diego when I took Alex there a few years ago. The tattoo artist who did this gave me a similar design to the one he made for his wife. It’s on her neck, and it’s gorgeous. He said in Japan it’s a symbol for the preciousness of life. With tattoos, it represents femininity and beauty.”

“Both are perfect.”

He traveled across her body, landing on the script-y T on her wrist. “But this one truly is my favorite. Titanium. You told me you got this after Sam died.”

She nodded and swallowed. Her throat hitched with the memory. “Yes. My reminder to stay strong. Obviously, since that’s what titanium is.” She inched around, facing him, meeting his eyes. There were other truths she’d been sworn to protect, but her life, her past, and her pain were hers alone to share. She’d never told him all the details. And now, as they came closer together, the time seemed right. “He died in my arms.”

His jaw dropped. “Shit, Elle. I’m so sorry. I knew he OD’d but didn’t know the details.”

“We weren’t together. We hadn’t been for a long time. But he showed up at my house, smashed, sick as a dog, white as a sheet. He stumbled inside, and I started to call my mom, since she’s a nurse. But then he just started convulsing.” The cruel memory flickered in her mind—Sam’s eyes bugging out, his breath coming in spurts, his chest seizing up. She’d called 911 immediately then crouched on the floor, holding him, desperately waiting for the ambulance to show up. It was too late. The medics pronounced him dead on the scene. “Alex saw the whole thing.”

Pain sliced through her, and she winced from the memories.

Colin wrapped his arms around her. “That’s such a terrible thing for him to see. I didn’t watch my dad die, but I saw his body a few hours later, when my mom found him. I’ll never forget the image. It must be so hard for Alex.”

“It was,” she said. Her voice broke and a tear slipped down her cheek.

He kissed it away.

“Colin,” she said, her voice thin as air. “That’s why I’m scared.”

“I know. But that’s not me. I won’t be like that.”

She nodded, though she was certain they both knew no one could make that guarantee. But it wasn’t fair of her to ask either, especially since he’d already proven that he could rise above. He was the best man she knew. The kindest, smartest, most thoughtful gentleman she’d ever met. The guy who helped the boys at the center. Who drove them to tests. Who helped them study. Who inspired them in gaming strategy and tracked down history apps. He was the man who treated her like a queen.

She placed her finger on his lips. “You can’t make that promise. And I can’t ask you to. But…”

“But?”

The fear escalated, whipping through her. She hadn’t come here tonight expecting to want so much more from him, but she couldn’t walk out that door the way she came in. Every second she spent with him, naked or clothed, she became more connected, more linked to this man. This was no longer about sex. It was about why the sex between them was so spectacular. Because of how they felt.

She looped her hands in his hair and tried to push past that fear. “You make me feel things I’ve never felt.”

“It’s the same for me. I’ve never felt anything like this,” he said, and the look in his eyes was one of pure joy. She wanted to remember it always. She clutched that emotion tighter now, because it was giving her the strength to say the next thing—to tell him she was ready to try.

She’d just parted her lips to speak when her phone buzzed.

Fuck a duck.

“That might be Alex,” she said, sitting up and reaching for her purse. “As you learned earlier, he texts a lot. Which is good. I want him to. But—”

She stopped speaking when she saw her mom was calling. Her mom never called when she was with Alex. Worry flooded her and she answered instantly. “Hey, Mom. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. I just dropped Alex off at home though, because the hospital called. They’re short-staffed tonight, and I need to get to work an hour early to fill in. But he’s totally fine by himself. He’s not even playing video games. He’s practicing his history facts. I think he wants you to quiz him tomorrow,” her mom said.

Elle breathed easier, but still stood up and started hunting for her clothes. “Did you have a good time?”

“The best. We always have the best time. I beat him at bowling, but he beat me at some crazy motorcycle game. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I won’t be there when you get home, but you still are under orders to have a good time.”

Elle found her skirt and pulled it on. “I had an amazing time,” she said, locking eyes with Colin, who’d tracked down a pair of gym shorts. He smiled at her as she slid into her shoes.

“Then you need to do it again.”

“I do need to do it again,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows at him. “I love you, Mom. I’ll see you soon. Are you coming to my match on Friday night?”

“As soon as my shift ends I’m there.”

She said good-bye and turned to Colin. “I need to go. I know he’s old enough to be home alone, but I don’t feel right being here and doing what we’ve been doing and just leaving him on his own. You know?”

He nodded. “I get it.”

She pulled on her tank top, wishing she could have finished what she’d started to say. But maybe this was the universe’s way of slowing her down. Elle had been prone to rash decisions before. Perhaps, she needed to meditate more thoughtfully on what to say. Or maybe what she really needed to do was talk to her son. She’d been protecting him, keeping him safe from the kind of hell he’d witnessed with his father. Rather than tell Colin she wanted to try with him, she should tell her son what Colin meant to her.

Then perhaps the three of them could hang out after the match.

“Hey,” she said softly. “Would you like to come to the match, too? My mom will be there. Alex usually goes. It would be fun to have you there, too.”

“Ryan comes back the night before. So he’ll probably swing by and get Johnny Cash, and once he does I can come see you. Are you going to be wearing those super hot socks that go to here?” he asked, tapping her above the knee.

She laughed and nodded. “I will.”

He adopted an intensely serious face. “So when I come up and say hi, I need to act like I don’t have fantasies of fucking you while you’re wearing nothing but those socks?”

A sweet rush of heat spread down her spine. “Yes. Pretend you’re not thinking that.”

“And that I’m not thinking how you’d look in them with these beautiful legs wrapped around my neck, Skater Girl?”

Oh dear lord. A gentle pulse beat between her legs, as she shouldered her purse. “Yes. That. Pretend you’re not thinking that when I see you.”

“I’ll just pretend I’m one of your loyal volunteers at the center come out to support you.”

She leaned in and kissed him. “Pretend for now. Maybe not much longer,” she whispered, then turned on her heels to go.

That was all she could manage for the moment. She had so much more to say. She felt so much more in her heart.

* * *

Holy shit. Kevin was right. Be honest. He’d told the woman he cared for her, and the result was better than he could have imagined.

Fine, fine. No commitments were made. No promises were exchanged. But they were breaking down walls. As he kissed her good night, he was more determined than ever to be the best man he could be.

For her. For her kid. For himself.

He wouldn’t let anything get in the way.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Her heels clicked on the concrete steps as she walked two flights to her apartment. She slid the key into the latch, but there was no give. The door slipped open.

Alex appeared, a gotcha look in his brown eyes. He pointed at her. “The New Deal was a series of domestic programs started by President Franklin Roosevelt to help the United States recover from the Great Depression. Boom,” he said, raising his arm in triumph. “Now, where were you tonight?”

Heat spread across her cheeks. She’d only said she was going out when she’d left earlier. She hadn’t uttered the word date, and she certainly hadn’t said with who. But her attire said it all.

“Out,” she said sheepishly, slipping past him. He shut the door behind her, letting it close with a loud bang.

“Out. Is that his name? You were out with Out?”

She laughed as she headed to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. She took a long gulp then figured now was as good a time as any. Speaking the truth—at least the start of it—to Colin had been such a refreshing change from holding back. Perhaps telling her son would have a similar effect. Besides, it was the right way to handle this blossoming relationship.

She walked around to the stools at the counter and patted one. “Sit.”

“Uh-oh,” he said as he plopped down. “Am I in trouble?”

“No.” She took the other stool and crossed her legs. Nerves beat a path through her chest, but she glanced down at her tattoo. Be strong. “Alex, I made a promise when your father died that I would never put us in that situation again.”

He furrowed his brow. “What situation?”

“Me being involved with someone who’s addicted.”

“Is this the part where you tell me you met a hot meth head and you have bags of kitty litter in your car?”

She laughed softly and shook her head. “No. But major points for a good joke. Though you do know there is no such thing as a hot meth head, right?”

“Yeah. I know. Meth heads are nasty.”

She crinkled her nose. “So gross,” she said, then returned to the topic. “I’ve been seeing someone—”

“You’re dating a junkie?”

“God, no.”

“You said ‘being involved with someone addicted.’”

She nodded. “Right. I know. Because that’s the promise I made to you, and to myself, and to us. Our family. To not get involved with an addict. But, I want you to know I’ve been seeing someone who’s a recovering addict.”

“Oh,” he said, his voice flat. She didn’t know if that meant he didn’t care or he was disappointed.

“And I think he’s a really good guy,” she added.

He arched a skeptical eyebrow. “Like my dad was a good guy?”

“No. Good guy like the real deal.”

“Okay,” he said, his tone light and easy now. “So what’s the issue?”

“I want to know how you feel about that. He’s been in recovery for eight years. He’s a good, solid, strong man who hasn’t relapsed.”

He shot her a look as if she was nuts. “I don’t get it, Mom. What’s the problem? He sounds cool.”

“He is cool. You know him.”

She could see the gears turning in his head. They clicked, and he wagged his finger at her. “No way! You’re dating Colin.”

She couldn’t help but grin. “How did you guess it was him?”

“Duh.”

She jutted out her chin. “Duh, what?”

“I can’t believe you thought I wouldn’t guess him,” he said, laughing at her, clutching his belly and guffawing. Her son was actually guffawing.

She straightened her spine. “I’m sorry, but did you have radar installed?”

He stared at the ceiling as if he were deep in thought. “Hmm. Let’s see. Could it be the way you flirt with him at the center?”

“I don’t flirt with him.”

“Could it be the fact that he sent me a history app?”

“Oh, excuse me. Did it say ‘I like your mom’ on it?”

“No. But get real. What guy does that?” he scoffed.

“A nice guy,” she said insistently.

“Exactly. That’s my point. He’s a good guy. He volunteers. He helps Rex for free. And I’ve seen the goofy look you get when you’re texting.”

She was so busted. “Would you prefer that I don’t go out with him?” she asked gently, giving him the out that she felt she needed to. Alex was her top priority, and even though she prayed he’d say no, she’d have to honor his wishes if he said yes.

“No,” he said with a laugh. “It’s fine.”

“Do you mind if he comes to the match, and maybe we can all hang out and get a coffee or Coke or something?” she asked, with a cocktail of nerves and hope that she hadn’t felt since she herself was a teen asking out a boy. Such a strange feeling, to want her son’s approval so badly.

He shrugged happily. “Sure.”

“Does it bother you that he’s a recovered addict?”

He shook his head. “Mom, he’s not a thing like Dad. We’re cool.” His phone rattled, and he grabbed it. “Oh man, James just got a new cheat code.”

That was that. He’d moved on. She’d clung to fears of what their life might be like if she ventured down this path, but Alex was resilient. He’d taken his punches and gotten back up.

She was the one who’d been living in fear. He’d been living his life.

Time for her to do the same.

Fully. In every way. Not only as a mom, but as a woman, too. A woman who was falling hard for a man.

* * *

“I owe you, man. The Cristal’s on me,” Rex said, offering his hand to shake as Colin pulled up to the building at the community college where Rex and Marcus were slated to take the math test. “Wait. I meant the Shirley Temple’s on me.”

Colin waved him off. “Get out of here. Happy to do it.”

“What are you doing today? You gonna go find the next Google to buy, or go scale the side of a mountain with your Spidey hands?”

“Both,” he said. “Work. Some climbing, a run, then a swim.”

“You’re nuts.”

“You should go with me sometime.”

“Now you’re really crazy,” Rex said, laughing with his mouth wide open. “But I will cheer your badass ass on when the day comes.”

“Excellent,” Colin said, then looked into the backseat as Marcus grabbed his backpack. The kid had been quiet the whole ride. Then again, Rex tended to occupy the majority of the conversational space in any room. “Good luck, Marcus.”

“Thanks for the ride. I didn’t know ’til Rex told me this morning that you were the one picking us up.”

Colin furrowed his brow for a moment, wondering why it mattered that he was the one picking them up. But he figured Marcus had more important matters on his mind. “Happy to help. You guys will do great.”

He went to his office, where Larsen greeted him with a coffee and the sheer excitement of having found a kickass startup.

“Talk to me. Tell me why I want in,” Colin said as they walked down the hall. By the time the sun dipped low in the sky, he’d worked on a term sheet for the first round of funding, then headed for an evening trail run with Johnny Cash. The day was made perfect by the photo that landed on his phone that night. An image of Elle’s legs from the thighs down in her roller derby socks.

The message said, See you tomorrow.

* * *

The whistle blared loudly, and Janine took off around the track, hell-bent on scoring more points. Elle and the other blockers joined in, jostling and jockeying against the Resurrection Girls’ efforts to score on the Fishnet Brigade. Elle’s quads burned, and her heart beat furiously. Her focus narrowed, as it always did during matches, to her mission—protect the jammer and win the game.

On the next lap, Elle held out a hand for Janine, who gripped it for a few seconds, then let go as Elle sent her shooting faster around the curve. As Janine sped past a Resurrection Girl, an image of Colin popped into Elle’s head. She shook it off. She couldn’t think about him now. Couldn’t think about the fact that he wasn’t here. Hadn’t shown up. The match would be over in two minutes. Her team was ahead. The point Janine just scored from her assist was more padding on the total.

Maybe by the time they finished he’d be here. He’d show, right? He had to. He’d better fucking show.

A brief burst of frustration powered her around the track, her muscles cursing at her. She didn’t want to believe that the man would fail to show up for her and her kid.

The only thing that would hold him back would be—

Her wheels slipped out from under her, and she crashed hard onto the sleek wood.

* * *

As soon as he heard the rumble of Ryan’s truck, Johnny Cash whimpered and thumped his tail against Colin’s floor. “He’s back,” Colin said to the dog, who wagged harder. “C’mon, boy. Want to go see Ryan?”

The tail became a propeller, moving so fast it could power a motorboat. Colin opened his front door, and the Border Collie took off like a shot, tearing across the lawn to greet his master. Colin joined the two of them on the sidewalk. “Looks like someone missed you.”

Ryan stood up and gave Colin a quick hug. “Thanks for watching him. I appreciate it.”

“He’s easy. Welcome back. How was it?”

Ryan cocked his head and seemed to consider the question for a few seconds as he pet his dog. “I’m going to ask her to marry me next week.”

“Holy shit. Guess you had a great time.” He shook his brother’s hand in congratulations and proceeded to pepper him with more questions.

Ryan answered them all then capped it off with a simple truth. “Sophie’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Colin parked a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and looked him square in the eyes. “She is. And don’t ever forget it.”

“I won’t,” he said, then opened the door of his truck for the dog. An engine rattled down the street, as Colin patted Johnny Cash good-bye.

“He’s back,” Ryan said in a hiss. “He knows where we all live. Sophie told me he stopped by more than a week ago.”

Colin furrowed his brow and was about to ask “who’s back” when he heard a familiar-sounding “hey.”

“What’s the deal?” Ryan said, and Colin nearly stumbled when he turned and saw who his brother was addressing. “My fiancée told me you stopped by my house the other day. Just man up and tell us what you want.”

Shit. Colin had told Ryan about Marcus and the Protectors, but he’d had no idea that the kid had stopped by Ryan’s house before. What the hell?

“Marcus?” Colin asked, trying to figure out why he was here, and how he knew where he lived. Was he here to share his math results? But then why had he gone to Ryan’s house a week ago?

Ryan turned to Colin. “You know him?”

He simply nodded. He tried to form words, but he wasn’t even sure what to say. He was used to assessing situations, but this one had him perplexed.

Marcus cut in. “I want to talk to both of you,” he said, a touch of nervousness in his voice. “We all have something in common.”

“Why are you here?” Ryan demanded of Marcus, then to Colin, he said, “Who is he?”

Colin was about to say what he knew—I drove him to his math test, he’s friends with Rex, Elle knows him, he’s a member of the Protectors—but all those words crumbled to dust when Marcus spoke next.

“My name is Marcus. I was born seventeen years ago at the Stella McLaren Federal Women’s Correctional Center. My mother is Dora Prince. I’m your brother.”

All the sound in the universe was vacuumed up. His heart stopped, his brain short circuited, and the ground began to sway.