Текст книги "Running on Empty"

Автор книги: L. B. Simmons

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“To get Blake back?” Nycole asks sarcastically. “Like that’s going to happen. I’m sure you chased him away for good.” She turns her head and puts it against the window, watching people pass by.

“Nycole.” She doesn’t move a muscle. “Nycole!” She continues zoning out. I soften my voice, trying a different tactic. “Nycole. Please look at me, baby.”

She glares in my direction. I feel like crawling over the seat to strangle her…but I don’t…obviously. “Nycole. I know you’re upset. Listen to me,” I say as she starts to look away. “Nycole.” I stay quiet until she turns in my direction. For once, so does Kyndall.

“Listen baby, Blake and I are adults and sometimes adults have bigger problems than you can understand right now. Blake and I have been friends for a long time. Friends sometimes get into fights, just like you do with your sisters. Sometimes things are said that you don’t mean and when that happens, you have to apologize and make it right, just like with your sisters. Regardless if Blake accepts my apology or not, I need to tell him I’m sorry because it’s the right thing to do. It’s just a little more difficult when you’re adults, that’s all.” I watch her to see if anything I just said absorbs into that thick head of hers.

I don’t think it does. Why would it? She’s had the lecture a million times and still hasn’t grasped the concept of a true apology.

She looks me dead in the eyes. “I just don’t see why it has to be so difficult. It’s not a big secret, even though you think we don’t know. It’s simple. You love him. He loves you. What’s difficult about that? Just fix it and move on. Isn’t that what people do when they love each other? Like with my sisters?”

The honesty and simplicity of her statement knock the breath out of me. I have to inhale deeply before I can continue.

“Well, that’s what I’m trying to do. To fix it. Which is why I need your help. And that, my dear, is the mission for today…if you choose to accept it.” I watch a slight smile appear on her face.

“I accept it, Mama!” Kyndall claps her hands in excitement. I shoot her a huge grin. I fix my eyes back on Nycole.

I soften my tone. “I really need your expertise on my mission. Would you like to help me?” After a few deciding seconds, she accepts with a gentle dip of her head.

“Okay,” I answer her turning around just in time to see Harlow exiting the doors with Rylie on her back. Nycole’s words are still buzzing in my head. “Then let ‘Operation: Alex Was an Idiot’ commence,” I mutter to myself.

I hear a soft snicker from behind me. I look at Nycole in the mirror. She gives me the thumbs up sign. I smile back at her, but honestly, I’m not sure if she is telling me I’m an idiot or simply saying she’s on board.

Harlow opens the door, places Rylie in her seat in the far back – since girls called “seat check” on the captain’s seats, and sits down beside her after finally buckling her in. Going through her art folder, they both giggle at her work.

“That is not a cow, Rylie!” Harlow laughs. “That looks like a pancake with mold on it!”

“Yes it is, Hah-low! I’m not playing with you anymore. You cheat!” I can tell Rylie isn’t really mad because she’s smiling as she turns her face opposite Harlow’s.

“Okay – You’re right Rylie, it’s a cow.” She looks at Kyndall who’s been watching their exchange and slowly shakes her head, indicating otherwise. Kyndall puts her hand over her mouth and turns back towards the window.

Rylie holds the picture in front of Harlow’s face. “You know what this is Hah-low?”

“A cow?”

Rylie giggles. “No silly, it’s a pancake with mold!”

“You’re impossible!” Harlow tickles Rylie in the tummy. “It’s a good thing you’re so darn cute or I would throw you out the window!”

“Haaaah-low…no you wouldn’t.”

With everyone laughing, I shift the car into drive. I find myself tuning them out as I think about Blake leaving. I know he had every right to leave. He waited so long to be honest with me about his feelings, and the first chance I had, I said things I honestly didn’t even believe, just to push him away. He told me once how he respected my strength, but in that moment, I was nothing but a coward. I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t forgive me. But… I have to try. I have to know that I did everything I could to get him back. And, just like he did with me, I’ll lay it all out there for him to make the decision.

It seems the tables have officially been turned.

Using her voucher, Harlow books the red eye from Dallas/Fort Worth International to Denver International Airport, which doesn’t leave us a whole lot of time since Dallas is only about an hour and a half from Waco. Denver is the best option because Blake lives in Aurora, which is only twenty minutes away. I plan on taking a cab to his house, and I pray things go well…because that’s about as far as I’ve planned in advance. With my knack of thinking things to death, I figure it’s better to leave this one to chance. I can always spend the night in the airport if I need to. The key will be finding a cab that late at night.

Ahhh… Stop thinking Alex!

While Nycole is putting the final touches on our plan, I throw some extra clothes in a bag. I pack the essentials…toothbrush. Yep, that’s it. I throw a little makeup on so I don’t look like the walking dead when I make my psychotic stalker grand entrance at his house around midnight.

What if he has someone there? Taking a seat on the bed, I suddenly feel like I’m going to throw up beef and broccoli all over my comforter. Oh.My.God. What if he does?

“Stop thinking, Alex.” Harlow whips into the room, grabs my bag off the floor, and chunks it in my lap. Not helping with the nausea. “You need to go, you’re barely gonna make it as is. You have almost a two hour drive and check in. Get off your ass and in your truck now!”

“Harlow – what if he has someone there…you know...like there, there.” The nausea is slowly creeping into my throat.

“Stop it! Not going to happen. He loves you, Alex. Stop trying to talk yourself out of it. Check in with Nycole, make sure it’s done, and get going. You’re going to miss your chance…and I’m gonna be pissed if I lose my voucher because of this. It isn’t often that I find myself being charitable…don’t make me regret it! Now go!”

She is kind of starting to scare me with her yelling, so I snatch the bag and throw it over my shoulder. “Alright! I’m going!”

I walk into the living room and Nycole shows me the finished product. I clasp my hands together, “Nycole, it’s perfect!” I place it in my bag and give her a hug. “I love you, Nycole. I couldn’t have done this without you. But remember, if it doesn’t go well, this is about doing the right thing. Not about bringing him back, okay?”

She unwraps her arms from my around my neck and puts her hands on her hips. “It’s going to be fine, mom. Like I said, he loves you and you love him. Everything will be fine. And if not, it wasn’t meant to be.” Jeez – this kid and her infinite wisdom. She totally gets it from me.

I give her a quick kiss on the forehead. “Thank you. I love you, baby.”

“Love you too, Mom. You better get going or Harlow is really going to start yelling. Or have a heart attack.” I can’t help but laugh. She’s completely right.

“Kyndall! Rylie! Mommy’s leaving and I need some hugs!”

I hear a bedroom door slam then their loud footsteps as they run down the hall. I watch Rylie’s eyes light up with excitement as she enters the room.

“Do you think he’ll like his present, Mommy?” I bend down and scoop her into my arms. “Of course he will baby. You helped make it. He’ll love it!”

She gives me a big grin and all I can see are the divots in her cheeks where her dimples are. I push her curly hair away from her face. Strands of it stick to her mouth from the ice cream she ate earlier. Licking my thumb, I wipe the remainder of the chocolate off her face. “I love you, you messy little thing!”

Giggling she shouts, “Love you too, Mommy!” I set her down and watch her and her hair run wildly around the living room. Turning to Kyndall, I pull her close to my side.

“I’m going to miss you, Mama.” I can tell she’s a little worried about me leaving. I crouch down and stroke her cheek. “I’m gonna miss you too, sweetheart. But, I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.” I kiss her forehead and put my hand on her shoulder. “I need you to help Harlow with Rylie tonight. She’s acting like a crazy person. Just look at her.”

We both watch Rylie take her shirt off and swing it around over her head. Kyndall looks at me, eyes wide. “See, Kyndall. She’s nuts.” Kyndall giggles and I give her another quick squeeze. “Can you help with her, because Harlow’s kinda going crazy tonight and I don’t think she can handle much more of naked Rylie.” Right on cue, Harlow yells from my bedroom, “Go! You’re going to be late!” I roll my eyes and turn back to Kyndall. “I love you, baby. I’ll be back soon.” I get up and kiss the top of her head.

“Alright, Harlow! I’m out!” Harlow comes out of the bedroom. She hooks her arm in mine and walks with me to the door with all three girls following closely behind. I turn to her and give her a tight hug.

“I’ve got this, Alex. Don’t worry. Nancy already told me she would swing by in the morning. We’ll take the kids and she’ll drop me off at work. We’ve got everything covered. Just go to him, sweetie. This is your second chance; don’t waste it.”

I pull back from our embrace. “I love you, Harlow. Thank you. For everything. I owe you so much, more than you can possibly imagine.” Harlow gives me a quick wink. “Don’t worry, I’m keeping a tab.”

I give her another quick hug and whisper in her ear, “Oh – and no sleepovers with Trace…whore.” She laughs and then releases her arms from around my shoulders.

Looking down at the girls, she instructs, “Tell Mommy goodbye and good luck.”

”Goodbye!”

“Good luck!”

“We’ll miss you!”

I lift my bag up onto my shoulder. “I love you all. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

I turn and walk to my car; the door shuts softly behind me. I hear the girls giggle loudly, scream, and then run. Yeah, I don’t think they’ll miss me too much.

Throwing my bag in the passenger’s seat, I exhale a cleansing breath. I can do this. I have to do this. I will do this.

I’ve already lost one good man during my lifetime. I’ll be damned if I’m going to lose another one.

After the two hour flight that seemed to land way too quickly, I find myself hailing a cab in the front of the airport. My nerves are at an all time high. While waiting for the cab, and holding the world’s smallest, now crumpled up, piece of paper with Blake’s address, I can’t stop tapping my foot. The same damn foot that started tapping when I boarded the plane and the realization hit me that I passed the point of no return.

I think my shin is cramping.

A cab finally decides to stop for me and I climb in, handing him the paper. I close the door and rehearse the speech in my head. I decide to stop going over it when the cabbie looks at me in the mirror like I’m crazy. I guess mouthing it while rehearsing isn’t such a good idea. I remain quiet the rest of the ride.

Soon after, the cab begins to slow, and I take my first look at Blake Morgan’s home. It’s actually really cute. It’s in a nice suburban neighborhood and has red brick with white siding. There’s a big oak tree in the front and I notice the lawn’s well kept…he must have a regular crew considering how long he was in Texas.

Looking down at my watch, I cringe.

12:37 AM. Alex Meyer. Psycho Stalker.

Oh well…here goes nothing.

I tip toe as I walk onto the porch. I’m not really sure why, since I’m about to wake him. I guess it’s a habit I developed from toilet papering Ashley Thompson’s house with Harlow. I wipe the sweat from my palms on my pants and raise my fist to knock on the door. Taking in a final deep breath, I say a little prayer and knock quickly. This whole situation seems very familiar.

I wait for a couple of seconds. Nothing. I knock again and wait. Still nothing. I lean over to look in his driveway. His bike is parked by the garage. Getting frustrated, and cold – I dressed for Texas weather, dumb – I ring the doorbell the same way Rylie would, at least twenty times in a row.

I cover my mouth in nervous excitement when I hear Blake stomping down what sounds like stairs and approaching the door. The porch light comes on momentarily blinding me. I think quick and cover the peep hole with my finger. Which is pointless, because I soon see Blake move the curtains aside on his front window. I give him a hesitant wave.

“Alex?” I can hear the aggravation in the tone of his voice. I guess this is a bad time to start having second thoughts? “What in the hell are you doing here?”

Here we go.

“Freezing my ass off. Let me in, Blake. I need to talk to you.” I start jumping around in place to keep warm. I hear the locks turning and then he cracks open the door.

“Go back home, Alex. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry you came all the way here for nothing. But I have nothing else to say to you. I’ve moved on…just like I said I would. You’ve made your decision. Now please, go.”

Ouch. That was a little rougher than what I expected.

“Really, Blake? Where am I going to go? Seriously, let me in.” Before he can refuse, I push my body up against the door, once again placing my foot in the doorjamb to keep him from being able to close it. I take both hands and push them through the crack of the door, making sure to keep one set of my fingers extended while the other wraps around the side. “My fingers are in the door, Blake! Just letting you know so we can avoid any unnecessary injuries! It would be really shitty for you to break my hand again!” Even pushing with all my strength the door doesn’t budge. “Just open the damn door!” I give it one last push and the door flies open.

I immediately fall forward and almost land on the floor when I feel Blake’s arms wrap around my waist from behind to keep me from falling. As he pulls me up, I can feel the current flowing between our bodies. I sink into him without realizing it. The only reason I know is because as soon as he sets me back on my feet, he steps away and the weight I was putting on him causes me to stumble back a bit. I correct my balance and turn to look at him.

“Necessary? Do we have to do this every time? All I’m asking for is five minutes of your time then I’m gone. That’s it.” I watch as he shuts the door. He turns back to me. “Clock’s ticking, Alex.”

Oh, the pressure.

“Well, I was planning on longer than five minutes actually, so I’ll have to give you the shortened version I guess. It’s not the one I rehearsed on the way over here so bear with me.” Nervous rambling. Nice.

Obviously annoyed, he crosses his arms over his chest and shifts his weight to his other leg.

“Okay, so, I came here to tell you I’m sorry. For everything. I never really gave you an honest chance. I know that now. I think in the back of my mind, I was waiting for something to happen so I could push you away. It just happened sooner than later. And I’m sorry for that.”

He doesn’t say anything so I continue.

“Blake, you deserve so much better than me. The way I treated you in the past, up until how I treated you a couple of weeks ago...I’ll understand if you choose to move on after this conversation, but I need you to know something before you do. I need you to know that you make me feel whole. Before you came back, I was empty. Completely empty. I thought I could live like that but I was wrong. You have given me hope that I can be happy again. That I can love again. That I can feel again. The warmth I feel when I’m around you…it soothes my soul. You have given me life again. Your love fills my heart with such joy; I can’t even put it into words.”

I take a step forward to gauge his reaction. He steps back. Okay – more convincing needed.

“I love you, Blake. I love you and I don’t want to lose you. So I had to come here and fight for what I love. I want you. I want you in my life every day. I want to kiss you every day. I want to fall in love with you, over and over, every day. I want to live the rest of my life showing you how grateful I am that you saved me. You saved me from allowing myself to live a life with no emotion. No happiness. And I’ll live everyday in debt to you for that. So if you don’t choose me, I get it. I understand. But I had to come here and tell you face to face that I love you. And that I don’t mind needing your help for the rest of my life.” I say the last sentence with a smile.

When I finish my speech, I take a step backwards. I take off my jacket to show him the last ditch effort to get him back. I chuckle to myself, watching the glitter as it falls onto the floor. Nycole loves her glitter.

“The girls and I made you something and I would like you to see it before you make your decision. It’s no G.I. Joe replacement, but hopefully it will do.” With my back to the door, I let him read the front of the t-shirt we crafted.

Top 10 Reasons We Need Blake Morgan:

“I’m going to turn around and let you read why we need you in our lives. If you still feel that you want to move on, I’ll understand. I’ll walk out this door and you won’t see me ever again. I’ll go willingly, knowing that I gave everything I had to get you back. So when you’ve finished reading, I need you to tell me whether to stay or go. I won’t be looking at you so it will be easier for you if you need me to leave.”

I let my eyes graze his handsome face for a few seconds. Once I’ve burned his image into my brain, I turn slowly and allow him to read.

10. He pushes me high like a collar roaster. – Rylie

9. He’s super tall. He can get candy off the candy shelf. – Nycole, Kyndall, Rylie

8. He has big muscles like Superman. He can protect us forever. – Kyndall

7. He makes Mom smile. – Nycole, Alex

6. He gives really good hugs. – Alex, Nycole, Kyndall, Rylie

5. He gives really good presents. – Alex, Rylie

4. He’s willing to watch Barney so I don’t have to. –Nycole

3. He takes really good care of Mom when she’s hurt. – Nycole, Alex

2. Sunday Breakfast Dates!!!! – Alex, Nycole, Kyndall, Rylie

and

1. He reminds me every day that when you’re running on empty, you won’t ever get where you need to be. Both in Life and Love. (And sometimes Suburbans…) – Alex

I remain facing forward for a few minutes letting him take his time to read all the work that the girls and I put into this t-shirt. My heart’s pounding so hard I’m worried I might actually pass out.

I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Finally, when he doesn’t say anything, all hope leaves my heart. I’ve lost him.

I wait a little longer… nothing.

Still facing the door, I ask him, “Well…what do you think?”

He says nothing, but I can hear his bare feet crossing the floor. Then, I feel him standing directly behind me. The warmth of his body behind mine.

“What do I think?” I wait for another couple of seconds. I almost start to take a step towards the door, when his hand runs all the way up the words on my back. Then he slowly makes his way to my hair and moves it aside.

“I think…”

He slowly places feather light kisses all the way up my neck. My body reacts instantly.

“I think you look good, wearing my future.”

I smile to myself, immediately recognizing the quote. I half expect my children to show up, disappointed that they didn’t keep me from hearing it, but I must say that nothing will ever compare to hearing it come out of Blake Morgan’s mouth. I think he might have actually ruined all of my future viewings of that movie, or just guaranteed that it will forever be my favorite part of any movie.

Ever.

I let out a relieved sigh. I turn to him with tears in my eyes and put my arms around his neck. It might not be the best time, but I take a few seconds to gloat.

“I told you that’s the best line ever and that you might need it one day!” I giggle upon my realization. “I guess that makes me the woman of your dreams.” He nods at me. I watch the corners of his mouth turn up into a sexy smile and I notice the small crinkles around the sides of his eyes. God, I love his eyes.

His words start to settle in my head. “Blake, are you sure you want this future?”

He leans and barely touches my lips with his. “I’ve always wanted this future. I was just waiting on you to catch up.” I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze him tight.

I now understand how truly empty my heart had become. Because right now, in this very moment, my heart is completely filled with my love for this man.

And with that knowledge, I find the courage to open my book and start my second story.

Knowing that I’ve finally found my happy ending.