Текст книги "Hold On"

Автор книги: Kristen Ashley

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 35 страниц)

“But you and Merry—”

I nodded. “We talked it out. It’s all good and that’s important for you to know too so you don’t beat yourself up about it too much. But I’m tellin’ you now, you’re almost eleven. In a few years, you’re gonna have things in your life you wanna keep private. I figure then you’ll look back at this and think about me bein’ in your business and you’ll get what you did is how it is. I’m gonna give you your privacy because I trust you and I trust you to do right. But nothin’ is gonna erase the fact you invaded mine. It’s gonna sting, kid, when you look back at it. Don’t let it sting too much, but learn from it.”

He bit his lip, eyes big and again shining, and I worried he’d lose it, so I had to keep going so he wouldn’t do that.

“Now, like what happened with our neighbor when you did what I asked you not to do, this is the same. There’s a lesson to be learned, Ethan, and all I want from this is that you learn it. But this is bigger than that. See, you aren’t gettin’ your own phone until you’re at least thirteen. But you need to use my phone sometimes, and I don’t wanna be givin’ you passwords and changin’ ’em only to have to give them to you again and change them ’cause I can’t trust you. So, even though you did somethin’ untrustworthy, I still gotta trust you. Which means I gotta make sure my point is made and you get how big this is. So, sorry, kid, but for the next two weeks, you got cleaning the bathroom and mopping the kitchen floor duty and you’re not gonna get paid ten dollars when you do it.”

He slouched back into the couch.

“You also keep the kitchen clean and the house picked up, all by yourself. I’ll talk with your gram so she knows when she’s around to leave you to that. You just got two weeks of it and then you’re back to getting an allowance, you do more than your chores. But just need to hammer home you did wrong so you’ll have a few times cleaning the bathroom and doin’ the dishes on your own to think on that. Okay?”

“Okay, Mom,” he forced out, sounding like it was not okay but definitely getting my message.

“Okay,” I mumbled, happy that was over because, even if it had to be done, these were also the kinds of times when being a mom sucked.

I was about to push up but Ethan speaking stopped me.

“You told me you two weren’t together,” he said in a way that was like an accusation.

“Honey, straight up, I’m your mom and some stuff is just not your business, and that doesn’t have anything to do with you bein’ a kid and me bein’ grown up. It’s just not your business. But I’ll tell you, at that point, I didn’t lie. Things were kinda changin’ between Merry and me and both of us wanted it, but I was tryin’ to put a stop to it because I got more than just me to look after. Merry broke through and that was partly to do with what you did with those texts and partly to do with what you said to me the other night. But that doesn’t make what you did right.”

“Okay, then, you told me that Merry was hung up on his old wife. That was, like, a week ago or somethin’. How is he tryin’ to be with you when he’s into someone else?”

Shit, I did tell him that.

And, shit again, Ethan had been thinking on things.

And, more shit, he’d put things together in his little man way.

And the worst of that shit, I had the same question.

“And don’t say that’s not my business,” Ethan continued, “because I like Merry and I’m guessin’ you know that since I sent those texts. But now you’re goin’ on a date with him and you said that to me, and I gotta know my mom’s goin’ out with a guy who’s into her, not some other lady.”

“That’s part of what we talked through today.” I drew in a deep breath and hoped I was giving him the truth, a hope I had for him and for me. “He took time to have a think on things to know where his head was at, and he realized his head was with me. So that’s why I’m goin’ out with him tomorrow, because I like him more than just friends and I believe him when he says he wants to be with me.”

Ethan stared at me, and he must have believed it too because he nodded.

I nodded back.

I had to do my last spritz of perfume and put on my shoes before Mom got there, then I had to chat with her and get to the bar, so I also had to get a move on.

I got up, about to tell my son we were all good, but as I was finding my feet, he spoke.

“I know I didn’t do right. I know what I did was bad,” he declared, looking up at me, right in the eye, face set. “I knew it then, but I decided I didn’t care. But you gotta know I thought about it before I did it. I just didn’t do it. You also gotta know that if Merry makes you happy, I’d do it again. I don’t care if it wasn’t right. Because sometimes, Mom, you gotta take chances even if you might be goin’ about it wrong, if what comes out of it is right.”

“I could argue that logic, baby,” I said softly.

“Then you’d be wrong,” he returned. “’Cause I’m not stupid. I’m a kid, but I got eyes and I got ears and kids talk. So do parents. I know, Mom.” His voice dipped. “I know you did some things even you thought weren’t right to take care of me. But you did ’em because takin’ care of me was right. So, in the end, they were the right thing, even though other people might think they were wrong.”

Shit, he had me there.

“I’m thinkin’ of tradin’ you in for a kid who’s a whole lot more stupid than you,” I announced, and his face cracked, his mouth quirked, and finally he couldn’t fight it anymore and grinned at me.

I started walking to my bedroom.

And I did it talking.

“Right, smart guy, when you win the Nobel Peace Prize, don’t forget your momma in your acceptance speech.”

“Whatever,” he called to my back, but I knew he did it still grinning.

I couldn’t help but grin too because that was done and I’d managed to get it done with my kid grinning.

I hit my room. I did the spritzing thing, strapped on my high heels, and grabbed my leather jacket.

I walked back out and was collecting my phone and grabbing a pack of Butterfinger Cups to throw in my purse (in case I needed a candy hit during work) when I saw Mom pull up to the curb.

“Okay, Ethan, I’m outta here. Be good for your gramma,” I said as I went to the door.

“Lucky for you, you can take it easy at work since you don’t gotta make as many tips because you got free labor since I did somethin’ stupid that still got you a date with the coolest guy in town,” he returned.

I wanted to be “severe mom” who put the kibosh on her kid being a smartass.

But the operative part in that was “smart” so I just shot him a smile before I walked out the door.

I met Mom halfway up the walk.

“Why’d you want me to come early?” she asked. “And where are you goin’?” She looked to the house and kept at me before I could even answer her first question. “Is Ethan okay?”

“I needed you to come early so I could tell you that Ethan’s got additional chores, a deal we made because he did somethin’ not right. He’s got kitchen duty and needs to keep the place picked up. He’s had dinner, but if you guys make a mess, it’s up to him to clean it.”

She looked back at me. “What’d he do?”

“Think that might be better it’s between him and me for now, Mom,” I told her quietly.

She’d been at my side with Ethan since I pushed him out, and during the pushing him out part, that was literally. This meant there were things she had with my boy, good and the odd times he was bad. I had the same things. Sometimes, Mom and me shared about those things. Sometimes, for Ethan, we did our own thing so the bad he did didn’t spread and make him feel like a loser.

It worked for all of us.

So at that moment, without another word, she nodded.

“Also, before it flies through the ’burg like I know it’s gonna do, want you to know I got a date with Merry tomorrow night.”

In the shadows cut liberally by my front light, I saw her eyes get huge.

Now, my mom, even at fifty-six, with a life that didn’t often treat her kind, had never lost hold on her girlie.

She demonstrated this right then, grabbing my hands and giving a little hop.

“Oh, my beautiful baby girl, that makes me so happeeeeeeeee.”

It made me happy too.

But for me and my mom, since life didn’t often treat us kind, she had to cool it with her expectations.

“Mom, it’s just a date.”

She leaned toward me, looking like a girl who just got her hand kissed by David Cassidy.

“With Garrett.” She leaned back. “He’s very handsome.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“He’s also very tall.”

“I’ve noticed that too.”

“Girl like you, you got length and you wear heels. Not easy for you to find a man who can top you, you’re wearin’ heels. Worried you’d find a boy and it’d be like Tom Cruise when he was with that pretty Kidman lady. They looked good together but never right. When you two walked into my house last week, holdin’ hands, I thought to myself, that there looks right.”

“Mom—”

“Quiet, baby girl, let your mom be happy,” she whispered in a way I snapped my mouth shut.

She’d never met Dennis Lowe. Not my choice, he’d found excuses not to bury himself deep in my life. Excuses I should have seen as red flags to at least share the fact he was married if not that he was a whackjob.

And, obviously, me being with Trent didn’t make her happy.

Garrett Merrick was the kind of man who’d make any mother happy.

If, of course, she’d never been around when he was keeping a loose hold on losing his motherfucking mind.

But my mother, I knew, could be around that and want him even more for me.

I gave her time before I whispered back, “Okay, be happy. I’m happy. I’m scared, but I’m happy. Just be smart too, Mom, because I got a knack for fuckin’ shit up. Not gonna share, but I already almost blew it with Merry. So you wanna be happy, okay. Just do it bein’ cautiously happy.”

She shook my hands and replied, “I’ll be cautiously happy, honey-sicle.”

I nodded.

Then I went about finishing up.

“One more thing to tell you, and I’m sorry, Mom, but it isn’t a happy thing, cautious or not.”

“Oh crap,” she muttered.

“There’s a man in town, his name is Walter Jones. He’s writing a book on Dennis Lowe.” Her hands convulsed in mine so I held her tighter. “He stopped by, but he just happened to stop by when Merry was here, and Merry kinda…well…we’ll just say that didn’t make him happy.”

Her eyes started to brighten with joy again.

Shit.

“Anyway,” I went on, “I’m thinkin’ he’s not gonna stop by again, but just in case he thinks he can get somethin’ from you, you gotta know. Don’t talk to him and call me if he tries to get in touch with you.”

That happened. Mom had been targeted. It was far more rare for her because many accounts of what had happened were already out there, even TV shows made about it, and it was known Mom had never met Lowe.

That didn’t stop them all, though, especially them trying to use her to get to me.

I was not surprised when Mom skipped over all I’d said and honed in on one thing.

“Garrett took care of him for you?”

I sighed.

“I bet that was good,” she muttered.

It was scary as shit.

And it was hot as fuck.

“I need to go to work,” I told her.

“But you don’t have to leave for half an hour,” she told me.

Shit, fuck, shit.

Should I tell her?

I had to tell her. She was probably going to find out anyway.

“Merry’s takin’ me to Swank’s and I don’t have anything to wear, so I’m goin’ in early to look through some stuff Feb and Vi are bringin’.”

Her eyes got huge at the word “Swank’s,” and her face lit with so much glee, it was a wonder the dark didn’t flee the night.

“Mom, cautiously happy,” I warned.

“Right, right, cautiously happy about tall, handsome, last-good-one-standing Garrett Merrick takin’ my baby to Swank’s. I’ll be cautiously happy about that, Cheryl.”

“Whatever,” I mumbled.

She smiled.

Huge.

I pulled my hands from hers. “Gotta go.”

“Have fun,” she called as I headed to my car and she headed to my door.

“You too,” I called back.

She went into my house.

I got into my car and drove to the bar.

Wednesday night, with most of the other businesses on Main Street closed, the bar might be busy but not packed. I found a parking spot on the street two doors down.

I parked, hoofed it in, and saw the place was busy.

Good news.

Meaning good tips.

I also knew I was in trouble because Morrie was behind the bar, Colt was on his stool, and Cal was standing at the bar next to Colt.

This wasn’t the trouble.

The trouble was, all their eyes came to me when I opened the door and Morrie grinned a my-girl’s-gonna-get-herself-some grin. Colt looked like he wanted someone to tear his own fingernails out by the roots. And Cal looked like he was having trouble not busting a gut laughing.

Feb and Vi were nowhere to be seen, which meant they were in the office.

And the men knew about my date and what was going to happen in the office.

I made my way to that end of the bar and shoved aside the stool Cal was not sitting on so I could put my body there.

I looked up to him.

“How many shots do I need before I go in there?” I asked.

Very slowly, he grinned.

Staring up at him, those sky-blue eyes, the scars that perfectly marred what was once pure male beauty making a badass more badass, serious as shit, it was not the first time I wanted to walk direct from him to my girl Violet and high-five her for her score.

But I didn’t do that because I heard a glass slam on the bar beside me and Morrie was there, pouring tequila.

“Feb isn’t a big fan of drinkin’ on the job,” he stated. “You know I don’t give a shit. But, officially, you aren’t on the job yet, so I’m thinkin’ what’s in that office, you need about three a’ those.”

I didn’t hesitate and slammed the shot.

I heard Cal chuckle.

I didn’t look at Cal.

I looked at Colt.

“You gonna give me shit about goin’ out with your brother in blue?”

“Gave Merry shit already,” Colt returned, and my stomach clutched. “He shoved it back.” My stomach unclutched and I beat back a smile. “Not sure which one a’ you is more fucked in the head, him for takin’ on your shit or you for takin’ on his. Just know I’ll kick either of your asses, you fuck the other over.”

“You do know I’m a big girl, Uncle Colt,” I shot back.

Cal chuckled again. Morrie joined him.

Colt started to look testy.

Or testier.

“Lotta people love you both, Cher,” he said quietly. “Pleased as fuck you’re takin’ a chance on life and doin’ it with the only guy on the planet I don’t have to do an extensive background check on. But want you both happy. You give that to each other, I’ll be over the moon. The opposite happens…” he trailed off.

Goddamned Colt, being his version of sweet.

Shit.

“Message received,” I muttered.

“I see good things,” Cal announced, and I turned surprised eyes up to him to see him already looking down at me. “He’s a catch. You’re a catch. That shit works, both of you are smart enough to know you scored and scored huge, and neither of you are stupid enough to forget it.”

Joe Callahan thought I was a catch?

Morrie poured another shot. “Babe, hit that, then hit the office. Fortification, then you get the shit job done and you can look forward to eight hours on your heels, which’ll be the best part of your night.”

Morrie totally knew me.

One could say I didn’t like shopping.

One could also say, unless there was a good deal of food to be consumed, the same with beverages, these being alcoholic, I didn’t do your normal girlie-type things.

I didn’t have money for manis and pedis and facials. I didn’t have patience with crowds in order to hang out at coffee houses and shoot the shit or go to the mall and ask my bestie if my butt looked big in things.

No, I wasn’t about that.

But I was the girl for you if you needed a wingman to go on the prowl, were happy to belly up to a bar and throw a few back while righting the worlds wrongs, if you liked to kick back and catch a game on TV, and I always had a dry shoulder to cry on.

Pawing through dresses with my girls around, giving their opinions about what would be just perfect for a date with Garrett Merrick, was not in the top two hundred things I would want to do.

And these men, who spent their free time bellied up to the bar or kicked back watching a game, knew my pain.

Fuck.

I looked to the office door.

I looked to the shot.

I grabbed the shot and slammed it.

Then I slammed the glass on the bar, looked through the men who were now all grinning at me, glad they were at the bar and not heading to the office with me, and I trudged to the office.

I opened the door and shut it behind me, thinking that Morrie knew what he was saying when he’d said I needed three shots.

He should have given me all three.

He also should have warned me.

This was because the office looked like the dressing room of a drag show and Feb and Vi weren’t the only ones there. Mimi, Jessie, and fucking Josie Judd (who was more of a nut than Jessie, and that was nearly impossible) were there too.

“Please, God, tell me Raquel Layne is not about to walk through that door, ’cause I know my bitches wouldn’t invite Merry’s sister to come and offer me a dress to borrow to go on a date with him, a date where, at the end, it’s a foregone conclusion I’m gonna get lucky.”

They all laughed.

I didn’t because not one of them assured me Rocky wasn’t showing.

Finally, Mimi reached to nab my hand and dragged me further into the small space, saying, “Of course we didn’t invite Rocky.”

“How many shots did Morrie pour you before lettin’ you in here?” Feb asked.

“Two,” I answered.

“I thought he’d go for three,” she muttered.

“Right, we got precious little time,” Jessie snapped, glaring at me. “Only you would organize shit like this and give it fifteen minutes. That’s insanity.”

“Just pointin’ out, I didn’t organize anything,” I returned. “I asked Feb and Vi to bring a couple of dresses. I didn’t ask you at all.”

She swung her torso back, eyes getting huge. “Well pardon me that I’d haul half my wardrobe here to make sure you gave Merry good on your first date.”

“Bitch, you and I aren’t even the same size,” I shot back. “I like tight, but days where I let it all hang out are long gone and I only did that shit for money.”

Josie, Mimi, and Vi laughed, Feb grinned, but Jessie narrowed her eyes at me.

“Okay, well, I wasn’t supposed to tell you, Queen Attitude, but I didn’t bring half my wardrobe. Feb called and I went shoppin’. We girls are all buyin’ you a new dress to go on your first date with Merry because that’s the way it should be. A girl should feel special when she’s out with a good man who’s into her, first shot she’s takin’ at gettin’ somethin’ good in a long time, first shot he’s takin’ at findin’ somethin’ good. We were just gonna say that you could keep whatever you picked ’cause we don’t wear it anymore. But I got all the tags off everything in here so I can return what you don’t pick and you in a knock-his-socks-off dress is on your bitches.”

“Jessie!” Feb snapped.

But I stared, my eyes expanding in their sockets, so dry, they started burning.

“It isn’t a big deal,” Vi said quickly. “With all of us chipping in, it doesn’t cost hardly anything.”

I looked to the wall.

I looked to the floor.

They knew I had it bad for Merry.

All of them.

Of course they did. They were my bitches. From your bitches, your true bitches, you couldn’t hide anything.

Even if you tried.

“Don’t be mad,” Josie urged. “We don’t want you to be mad.” I looked at her to catch her eyes slicing to Jessie when she finished, “That was why you weren’t supposed to know.”

“Coolest thing anyone’s done for me.”

After these words came out, five pairs of startled eyes shot to me.

“I mean, coolest girlie-shit-type thing anyone’s done for me,” I amended.

Mimi grinned at Josie.

Feb smiled at the floor.

Jessie sent an “I knew it” smile at me.

Vi just sent a sweet Violet smile at me.

I moved toward a jumble of clothes on the desk.

“Right, let’s get this done. I got tips to make and some of this might require tryin’ on, so we don’t got a lotta time.”

“Start with this one,” Jessie commanded, throwing a green swatch of fabric at me. “It’s perfect for your coloring.”

“No, the red,” Meems contradicted. “That’s hot.”

“Green. Her hair, her eyes, it’s gotta be the green,” Josie put in.

I looked to Vi, then I looked to Feb.

None of us said anything.

But I had a feeling they knew exactly how bad my eyes were burning.

And they knew it hurt.

But they also knew that for a girl like me—a girl whose life turned to shit, but I made it through to stand in a small office in a small bar in a small town with women who had golden souls—that hurt felt good.