Текст книги "Truth in Watercolors"

Автор книги: Kimberly Rose

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

I’d often wondered if his eyes would hold more meaning had I been able to paint them in color. For once, I felt like only black and gray would do justice to the pain I saw in his eyes. The darkened tone added a morose and sullen feel that I wished I didn’t have to paint, but I did. I couldn’t get rid of the heavy feeling in my stomach that I’d had all day. Painting his stare was the only way I knew to calm my uneasy heart.

I knew Wes was hurting, but that didn’t make his dismissal of me any less painful. We’d come so far in weaving such an honest and brave relationship together. Now, I couldn’t help but feel like we were unraveling. The more he pulled away, the harder it was for me to hang on. I just wish there was something I could do for him, or for Blue. If I could alleviate any of the worry or the stress, I would in a heartbeat.

I sat back in my stool and sighed, wishing away those haunted eyes. I wanted my Wes back. I knew relationships had its ups and downs, but what if your partner shut you out on the downs, or even worse, walked away? I covered my hand over my waist trying to stop the flipping of my stomach.

Something drew my attention away from my painting. I glanced up quickly and saw the streaks from my paintbrush ornament bouncing light across my desk. I loved this time of day. Just as the sun was setting, it sent its rays into the ornament hanging in front of my window and sent the glare of a rainbow into my room. Even though I couldn’t make out the colors, I knew they were there, dancing across the white of my room. Even before he knew of my colorblindness, Wes was coloring my world.

The light set a glare on the picture in the corner of my desk. I picked it up and smiled at the photo of August and me with our grandfather. Suddenly, it hit me. My inheritance.

My grandfather had left August and I each a small sum of money when he passed. August used his share to pay off his house. I’d put mine away for school, but now that I had withdrawn, it was sitting there in an account waiting. Waiting for someone who needed it. Waiting for Blue.

In the time that I’d spent at Wes’ place, I’d learned that noon to a tattoo artist was the equivalent of seven a.m. to the rest of us. With how late they worked into the night, I could see why. Sometimes Wes wouldn’t get home until well after midnight from the shop.

I had no idea if Blue worked last night, or if he was a rare early riser. Just in case I was about to become his wake-up call, I’d brought over takeout to soften the blow.

The stairs squeaked under my steps. “Yer lucky yer pretty,” Blue’s voice came from the open window where I stopped to pick a rock out of my shoe. I smiled dropping the pebble onto the landing when he opened the door. “I wouldn’t open the door for any of those ugly asshats this early in the morning.”

“Good afternoon, Blue.” I smiled holding out the takeout.

“And you feed me? Ya sure you ain’t interested in a wrinkly old man with an oxygen tank?” I cringed, and Blue took the bag from my hand, stepping aside so I could go in.

“How are you feeling?” I asked taking a glance around. I hadn’t expected the place to be so tidy from what I’d seen in the carport.

“Same as any other day.” He coughed, unpacking his food at the table mumbling his approval of the breakfast burrito I’d brought. He motioned for me to sit at the table with him. “Ya wanna coffee or anything?”

“No, thanks.” I smiled pulling out the old wooden chair. It reminded me of a set my grandfather had with an intricate floral pattern carved into the top of the backrest.

“Good, ‘cause I only got beer.” He smiled taking a giant bite of the burrito. I took my time glancing around the kitchen as he chewed. I was again surprised at how clean and taken care of his place was. I didn’t know why, but I expected Blue’s place to look more like him. I anticipated something more weathered and worn reflecting the time passed on its surface. I supposed he kept life locked away like he did with his memories out in the carport.

“We need to get you eating better, Blue.” I cocked my eyebrow playfully at him.

“Oh hell, not you, too,” he mumbled around a full mouth making me giggle.

“Maybe we should get you a lady friend to come spend some time with you and make sure you’re taking care of yourself,” I teased.

“As much as I like the idea of a lady friend taking care of some of my needs,” he waggled his eyebrows and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at how much it was like Wes, “my time for women has come and gone.”

“Oh, come on. You may not be a sweet talker, but I bet there are plenty of women out there who appreciate a dirty mouth on a man.” I leaned back into my chair getting more comfortable. Blue laughed a deep belly laugh and pointed at me.

“I know there are, but that’s not what I mean. There’s only one woman who was ever for me. She came and went, and there ain’t none of my heart left for anyone else.”

“Oh, Blue.” I put my hand over my heart and started to apologize, but he cut me off.

“Nah, don’t start pitying me any more than you already do. She’s gone by my own dumbass doing, happily married off somewhere else.” He stuffed the rest of the burrito into his mouth and chewed with his eyes fixed on the foil wrapper. So that was where all his stuff came from. He didn’t want to let her go.

“I bet I already know why you’re here.” He burped, changing the subject, and tossed his wadded up napkin on the table. “He came by yesterday. Told him I didn’t want it. That little asshole came back two hours later with the information to my new health account.”

“What?” I sat forward in my chair.

“Wes, sweetheart. He came by trying to give me his money. When I told him to shove it up his loose ass, he went and took care of shit himself. Now I ain’t too proud to accept the help. Learned a long time ago when to put yer foot down and when to be thankful, but I still ain’t happy about it.” I stood up and shuffled to the kitchen with his trash. Holy crap. Wes came by already and set up an account for Blue?

“Don’t know where a kid like that got all that money.” He started coughing and held his hand up for me to wait for him to say more, but he didn’t have to. I knew exactly where that money came from. “I do know in our business it takes a long time to save up that much, so I am grateful for what you two kids have done for me.” Blue’s voice cracked on the last word.

“Blue, this was all Wes, but I am so happy you can take care of yourself now without worrying. I’ve been thinking a lot about you.” I smiled and stood to give him a hug, but my closeness startled him into another coughing fit so I backed off.

“Thank ya, sweetheart. Wes sure is a lucky son of a bitch to have you, but I assure you that he deserves every bit of ya.”

I laughed at that. “I keep telling him the same thing. The deserving part, that is.”

“He’ll figure it out sooner or later. He’s had a rough go at life and doesn’t believe he deserves much of anything, let alone a gal like you.” He propped himself up on the counter behind him.

“I’m the lucky one, Blue.” I smiled and patted him on the shoulder. “Take care of yourself. Use the money Wes gave you to annoy the crap out of him as long as possible.” I waved on my way out with Blue chuckling behind me.

I was losing my marbles over here. Though it killed me to let go of my new shop, I knew I made the right decision in setting up that account for Blue. I owed everything good that I was today to him. Fuck, that was not true. Capri made me a better man, too.

God, Capri. The initial thought of her made me want to skip to my freakin’ lou, but then I thought of losing the shop and I wanted to just throw the fuck up. All I wanted was to prove to her that I could be a good man who could take care of her forever. That I wasn’t needy like the O’Donnels said, or slow like Miss Cindy would say, or the worthless and unmotivated guy Dusty and Lena put up with.

It took me years with Blue to figure out that I might not be that guy, and I finally had the chance to prove it to Capri. Now it was gone.

“What are you deep in over there?” Trace asked opening the toolbox at his station.

“Your mom,” I spout out in a laugh.

“Fuck you.” Trace flipped me off.

“Can’t right now. I’m in your mom. Wait your turn.” Jesus, I was funny. Except Trace’s mom wasn’t exactly a MILF. With that triple chin and mole right above her right eye that could sing me the “Star-Spangled Banner.” Oh, God. I felt sick. I shouldn’t have made a funny.

“What time’s your first client today?” he asked changing the subject, kicking my image of his mom from my head.

I looked up at the clock on the wall above me. “Three,” I said leaning back over the sketchpad in my lap.

“Dude, you’re three hours early.”

“Yeah,” I said well aware of my punctuality. I couldn’t sit around at home thinking about how to break the news that I gave up the shop to Capri. Her face when I’d shown her was pure beauty. I’d never felt so proud of myself in my life as I was when she was there with me. Now what?

I erased the smile of the mermaid, pissed that I couldn’t get the brave innocence just right. Ignoring the jingle of the front door bells, I opened the bottom drawer of my toolbox and dumped the book and pencil in.

“Can we help you?” Trace called to the customer past me without looking up. I kicked the drawer closed and rolled around in my chair toward the front.

“Dude!” I shouted and stood up from my chair to greet Eli. “Lookin’ fresh, homie. Skinny tie? Ladies dig it?” He was always lookin’ tight in a suit and tie, but he had a badass bald head, and when he rolled up his shirt sleeves, he sported some of my best work on both arms.

“Ladies dig what I can do with it,” he said shaking my hand. Eli lived in my last neighborhood with Blue and me. He graduated a year before me and went off to get his real estate license. When it was time for me to start making my dreams into reality and look for a shop, he was the only guy I called.

“Is it already time for some new ink?” I asked waving him back. He came through the saloon door and followed me to my station, but not before swiping Trace’s chair from him. Trace cursed over his shoulder where he stood fiddling in his toolbox.

“Not yet, brother. Came by to see you about the shop.” He sat back in the chair and spread his legs out, knocking over my trashcan.

“Pick that shit up.” I pointed to the mess on the floor. “And I already told you. It’s done. Money’s gone.” When I’d gone to Eli about retracting my offer on the property, he tried like hell to change my mind. He fiddled with his computer, typing in numbers, trying to figure out how I could help Blue and keep the shop, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t do both.

“Not why I’m here. Here because shop’s all yours. You just need to come by the office and sign papers.” He tossed a folder at me.

“The fuck?” I asked and flipped it open. I went through paper upon paper trying to make sense of it all, hell, trying to read at all. I could barely read a Dr. Seuss book. This mess looked like jibberish to me. Just before I closed the folder, something I could most definitely read jumped out at me. A name. Capri Hunter. I flipped through the papers again more quickly this time and saw her name scribbled on nearly every one. Then I closed the folder and tossed it back to Eli. “What the hell is this?” I asked him.

“She paid off the property and wants it your name.” He slipped the folder back in his man purse. “Seems like you’ve caught one who cares more about you than she does herself.” A hint of a smile hit his pretty face.

“No,” I whispered and felt my head fall. I put my hands up just in time to catch it. My whole body heated in something like anger but not. This was something different. It clawed at my pride and twisted my gut.

I reached into the stupid man purse and pulled the file back out. “I need this,” I said standing quickly and heading for the door.

“Wes, calm down brother,” Eli yelled out behind me.

“I’ll take care of it.” I pushed through the saloon doors.

“Dude, just be thankful, she really seems to—” His voice disappeared behind the jingle of the bells, and I was out.

I knew he would come, and I knew he would be mad. I’d hoped that once I saw him and explained how trivial the money was compared to the sheer force of his significance in my life, he would understand. I knew he’d do the same for me, and with that alone, I hoped it was enough to squelch his anger.

I second-guessed my hope when I saw the headlights of his car streak wildly across my room and the sound of his hand battering at my front door. I could feel his irritation heaving through the walls.

I opened the door tentatively at first, and then swung it wide open. He stood firm with his hand in the air clutching a manila folder. His pupils pulsed, but not with anger as I’d expected. There was something else there.

“What did you do?” he croaked out like he hadn’t had a drink in days.

“It’s not a big deal,” I said taking a step back at my own lie. It was a big deal, huge. I’d never do that for any other guy I’d been with. That was where the truth came in. Wes wasn’t any other guy. He was the guy I was in love with.

“Not a big deal?” he asked barging past me into the house. Thank God, Mom and Dad were down at the orphanage in Mexico again. I’d hate to have them see this.

“Capri, where did you get the money to pay off the shop?” he asked lowering his tone.

“It was my inheritance,” I said almost sheepishly, which was ridiculous. This was my money, and I used it how I wanted. I stood up straighter and shut the door.

“What?” He stared at me. Hard. It made me incredibly nervous, so I spoke up to defend myself for some reason.

“Wes, I was using it for school, and I dropped out. I wanted to use it for something important to me, and you’re important to me.” I waved my hands at him and took a step closer. He took a step back dropping his chin to his chest and holding his hand up to stop my approach.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he said in such a low whisper it resembled a growl.

“Well, I did, and I would do it again,” I said standing firm. He looked up at me from under his eyes, and my knees wobbled. His stare was fractured, cracked, broken. This was about so much more than money.

“What is it, Wes?” I whispered taking another step toward him.

“You shouldn’t have to take care of me,” he said and his shoulders fell. I took another step, but his hand darted up to stop me again. I didn’t listen and took a few more steps until I was standing directly in front of him. “I want to take care of you,” he said bringing his head up to meet my eyes.

“You do, Wes. Every day.” I lifted my hand to touch his elbow, but he moved his arm away.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” He turned around and stalked away from me. “You’ve proven me right.” His voice had gained its original intensity as he turned back to face me. “I’ll never a good enough man for you.”

“Wes—” I threw my hands up, but he cut me off.

“That shop was my worth. That was how I was going to show you that I was responsible, that I was mature, that I could take care of you not just now, but forever. For-fucking-ever, Capri. I couldn’t do it, though. I couldn’t be the guy you should be with. Then you go and buy the shop for me. Buy it for me?” His shouts pushed me back to my original spot by the door. “My girl, who I should be able to take on the world for, has to do it for me.”

He ran his hands roughly through his hair staring up at the ceiling. From this angle, where I could see under his eyes instead of through, I suddenly recognized the look in his eyes. He was ashamed. I never thought that my actions would bring that on. The anger—I was prepared for—but humiliation, shame? I hadn’t been ready for that.

“That was your money, Capri. You could have put that money into making your dreams of a life in art a reality. It feels like you sold a piece of yourself for me, and I don’t like it. I don’t like that you did it, and I don’t like the way it makes me feel.”

“How does it make you feel, Wes?” I asked hoping he’d admit it. I needed his honesty right now more than anything, and he needed his honesty.

“Like you’re sacrificing yourself to take care of me.” There it was.

“Why is that so wrong? Why is it so awful that I care about you so much, Wes, because I think it’s pretty amazing. I think it’s pretty freaking amazing that I feel so much more for you than my art. Those images I create, they’ve got nothing on what you’ve composed in my heart.”

“You shouldn’t have.” His voice began to fall.

“No Wes, you think I shouldn’t have because you’ve never let anyone close enough to make those sacrifices for you. It’s not a matter of what I should or should not have done. It’s what I wanted to do. I’m not like other the girls, Wes. You let me in.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have,” he whispered.

“What?” I whispered back, but Wes didn’t say anything. “Tell me, Wes,” I said firmly but still could only force out a whisper. He said nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

“Tell me I should have been just another girl to you.” Nothing. This couldn’t be happening. The pounding of my heart raced through my veins.

“Tell me you regret us.” He looked down into my eyes. Nothing. His silence spoke a million heartbreaking words.

I bit my lip to hold it all in then reached over and gripped the doorknob. I looked one last time at Wes, giving him one last chance to say something anything. Somehow, the silence was so much more painful than any words he could have spoken. He didn’t speak, though. When I nodded my head in surrender, I swore I saw him wince, and I swung the door open. He stalked past me quickly sending a rush of his air to grate against my bare skin.

With the clicking of my door, the hold my teeth had on my lip slipped, releasing it all. The hurt, the disbelief, the actual shattering of my gray heart piece by piece, it all fell from my eyes leaving salty pools on my lips. The sting of the fresh wounds from my teeth would never be enough.

Every day since that night has been Groundhog day. I woke up, I painted, I forced myself to eat, I painted, I avoided everyone, and I painted. As much as I felt the urge to paint him, I didn’t. I was too hurt to give him that part of myself anymore. Instead, I focused on more paintings for the possible hotel deal Bia told me about. She got in touch with me earlier this week and said the owner of The Bay hotel, one of the classiest in downtown San Diego, wanted to see a few more of my paintings focusing on the area before making a decision.

Each one that I had completed was a welcome distraction from Wes. The Spanish tile from Old Town kept me from checking my phone. A flame from a gas lamp reminded me how much his words burned, and the light from Cabrillo Monument filled my head with his voice telling me that I would find my way.

Okay, distraction wasn’t working in my favor, which was probably why I had my room covered in every single item of clothing I owned. Nothing felt right. I couldn’t find the right outfit to say ‘Hey, you may have stomped all over my heart, but I’m better than ever.’ It was a lie. He stomped my heart and crumbled my soul along with it.

I settled on a pair of black lacy shorty shorts and a white button up tailored boyfriend shirt with the top three buttons undone. I fluffed my hair in the mirror and puckered my lips with the latest swipe of lip-gloss. There I was, done up to blend in. I thought to quickly tie my hair into a loose bun and wipe off the gloss but forced my feet to vacate my bedroom. I had a bachelorette party to get to, and dammit, I was going to have fun.

“They had to choose a dance club, didn’t they?” Lennon complained, walking with me up to the entrance.

“You’re the one who told them Tommy’s was lame,” I reminded her.

“I hate dancing.” She handed her ID to the bouncer.

“So, don’t dance.” I gave him mine next and winced a smile at him when he blatantly checked me out.

“So what’s going on with you?” she shouted above the bass of the music. I shrugged. It was much too loud for me to explain what was going on with Wes and me. I didn’t want to talk about that here anyway. Tonight was about August and Kensie not about Wes and me.

We weaved our way in and out of the writhing bodies flashing in the lights. I spotted August and Kensie in the distance cuddled up on a white couch. No Wes.

“The mistress of ceremonies has arrived,” Lennon announced, parading into the VIP area. I followed giving Kensie and my brother each a hug.

“You look amazing,” I told Kensie, pulling away and admiring her mini skirt paired with a loose, jeweled tank.

“So do you.” She grinned and picked up a bottle of tequila on the table. “We have bottle service. What will it be?” she asked pouring more than a few shots into a glass.

“Um, more than just tequila, please?” I laughed. “Add something to that, will you?”

“Boo!” Lennon shouted grabbing the glass from my hand and downing it. All.

“Looks like we’ll cab it home.” I laughed and poured myself a glass of vodka and cranberry.

Not more than an hour later, Kensie and August were wrapped up in each other’s arms on the dance floor, and Lennon was rocking out in her own world in our lounge area. I guess tequila brought out her repressed love of dancing.

Wes still wasn’t anywhere in sight. I’d taken my place on the white couch slowly sipping on the drink I’d first poured. “Come on. Let’s dance.” Lennon grabbed my hand and tried tugging me up from the sofa. I shook my head and resisted, sitting further back into the couch. She gave up quickly and continued shaking her hips with her arms in the air and her drink spilling from her hand.

I had heard him before I saw him. His laugh boomed through the bass of the music straight to the anxious place in my stomach. How lovely for him to be able to laugh.

I scanned the room with my eyes only. I caught sight of him off near the bar. His jubilance mocked me in tiny snapshots between the flashing of lights. Talking with a group of people I didn’t know. Laughing. Waving his hands around in an animated story. Laughing.

I pinched my eyes together willing away the ache in my head brought on by the strobe lights. “Everything okay?” August sat down on the couch next to me watching the same thing I was.

“Yeah,” I lied. This was August’s night, and I didn’t want him mad at his best friend.

“Doesn’t look okay,” he called me on my fib and poured us each a drink.

“It’s just an argument, August. Not a big deal. We’re fine.” I coughed on the burn of the alcohol in my throat after a sip.

“You’re my sister, Capri. If he does, or is currently doing, anything that hurts you, I’ve got it.” He nodded at me to make sure I understood where his loyalty lay.

“Thank you.” I nodded toward Wes. “It’s fine, though. We’ll get it sorted out.” As much as Wes had actually hurt me, I didn’t want to take my brother from him. When he decided to deal with his pain, I needed August to be there for him.

“You’ve been challenged to a dare.” Lennon waltzed up and pointed an unsteady finger at me.

“Nope.” I sat back into the couch crossing my arms over my chest.

“You should know by now that Capri won’t answer any dares.” August laughed.

“Oh, maybe not by me, but I know one person she will always rise to the occasion for.” Crap.

“C’mon, C,” Wes waved me over but smiled at the air. “You and me, body shot.”

My eyes flew open. “Excuse me?” I asked shuddering at the sudden increase in my heart rate. There was no way I could let Wes that close to me in front of all these people.

“Fine.” He threw his arms up in the air. “I guess she doesn’t like a challenge.” Wes spoke to Lennon and I saw red, or what I imagined red would look like. Right now, it looked a lot like me kicking Wes square in the nuts.

“Outta my way,” I said shoving myself up from the safety of the couch and marching myself past him. I ignored his sharp intake of breath when I intentionally rubbed my arm against the crotch of his pants. Take that, heartbreaker.

I was all fired up on sass until the moment I laid on the bar top with my stomach exposed and Wes standing over me. The closeness of him after days of nothing was painful at best. I silently willed myself to melt into the wood below me.

The bartender handed me a shot glass that I held between my lips, but the quiver of my breathing sloshed some if the tequila down my chin and neck.

“Here we go, Capri.” Wes leaned down and whispered to me, but I refused to look at him, closing my eyes at the touch of his breath.

Even with his warning, the tickle of the salt caused my eyes to snap open and connect with his. His eyes smoldered down at me as he dragged the shaker from my waistline to my breastbone. He lifted the shaker from my body and dragged his tongue over his bottom lip. I mindlessly felt my own tongue swipe warmly across my lips. His eyes darted to my mouth, and he sucked his lip between his teeth roughly. I remembered the feeling of skin between those teeth and felt the familiar tingle between my thighs.

“It’s hot in here,” I heard Lennon joke to the side, but my attention was focused solely on latching onto this moment. After days of not having any sort of contact with Wes, I felt starved for anything from him, and the promise of his physical touch had me salivating.

He lowered his head and my body recognized the exact moment his tongue met my skin. My skin prickled, reaching out to grab more of the heat it brought. My insides tightened in tiny pulses that followed the path of his tongue up my stomach. My soul was coming back to life.

“Now, that’s a body shot!” the bartender cheered, egging on the bystanders. The shouts and cheers snapped me back into the club where I was lying on top of a bar. As Wes’ tongue neared my chest, I planted my hands on the wood, palms down, getting ready to bolt.

With the disconnection between his mouth and my skin, I lifted up, only for his mouth connecting with my neck to shove me back down. He licked, sucked, and the bit the tequila that had spilled. My knees pulled together, hiding the emptiness inside. Then he was gone.

“Whew.” Lennon sighed, and that was enough to prompt me into motion. As a wave of humiliation washed over me, I pushed myself up quickly and raced toward the exit before realizing my feet were moving. I couldn’t believe I had caved to his touch. Stupid. I was so stupid to let him affect me to the point of absorbing every ounce of him.

I fled to the rooftop where we had secured a poolside cabana. I was thankful we hadn’t utilized it yet, and I could have some space alone. I pulled the curtains closed and sat down on the edge of the lounger letting the brisk air dull the heat smothering me.

“Capri.” His voice came slipping through the curtains.

“Go away.” I watched his shoes stop at the cabana as he slipped one calloused hand in, followed by his much too attractive body.

“I can’t.” He leaned over me propping his hands on the cushion at my sides.

“Go. Away,” I whispered only half-heartedly. He dove smashing his mouth to mine in a hungry kiss, and I let him. I greedily took everything he was giving me.

He pushed me back onto the lounger and his body followed yet remained detached from mine. I reached up to pull him down, but he only bounced back to his position above me. Desperate for more of him, I laced my fingers into his jeans and began unbuttoning.

“Capri?” He groaned his question into my neck.

“I need you,” I answered. I needed all of him, but for now, I prayed his body would soothe the ache in me.

He didn’t say anymore when he pulled my shorts down from my waist.

Just as quickly as they came off, he was on me, and he pushed himself into me. A gasp of air escaped my lungs. Having him against my body again was almost too much, but I desperately needed more.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered slowly rolling his hips into me. I gasped again. “I miss you.” He kissed down my neck. “So fuckin’ much, baby.” I turned into his lips and caught his mouth with mine. Our tongues swirled together, frantically pushing and pulling trying to grab onto something that didn’t seem within either of our grasps.

I reached my hands up to his shoulder and pulled at his shirt, trying to get more from him, when he fell into me again more urgently. I opened my mouth to cry at the fullness of him reaching deep into me, but he captured my scream with his mouth. He pounded into me in steady thrusts building the ache in me higher and higher, but no closer to filling the void

I pulled my mouth from his. “Look at me.” He ignored my request and continuing sliding into me. “Please,” I moaned at the pleasure. “Look at me,” I begged through my inner pain.

“Let’s just fuck, Capri,” he growled into my neck followed by a nip. Then in one solid deep thrust, my search to be full snapped and my body grabbed at him greedily. In the same thrust, he moaned into my skin and continued to pump into me as if still searching for what neither of us had found.

He placed a soft kiss on just my cheek and pulled away from me slowly. My body clenched, trying to hang on, but he was gone. He handed me a napkin from the table, but I couldn’t look at him.

I cleaned myself quickly and pulled on my shorts while rising to my feet. “Capri.” His voice was pained, and almost pleading, but I wouldn’t look at him.

“Just a fuck is impossible for me when it comes to you, Wes.” I turned and pulled back the curtains, but I didn’t leave. I waited, hopeful that he would say something to patch me back up.

“It’s all I can do.” His voice came out pained.

“It’s not.” I turned and held my hands out to him. “You are capable of more. I’ve seen it, and I’ve lived it. Let me back in, Wes. Give me a chance.”

“This isn’t about you, Capri.” He looked up toward the roof of the tent and sighed.

“You’re right. It’s about us, and you’re messing it up.” My voice cracked as I tried to hold it together.

“This is why I can’t have relationships,” he said so quietly; I didn’t think it was for me to hear, but I did.

“Why? Because then you have to deal with someone who truly cares about you?” I felt a weight press down on my heart. People spent their whole lives hoping to find someone who cared about them unconditionally, and Wes feared it. I tasted the salt of a single tear upon my lips and wiped it away quickly before he saw.