Текст книги "He's So Not Worth It"

Автор книги: Kieran Scott

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

Daily Field Journal of Annie Johnston Friday, July 2Position: Corner table at Jump.Cover: In need of caffeine to aid in plowing through summer reading list.Observations:8:35 p.m.: Subject Jake Graydon stares out the window from behind counter. Uniform: black T-shirt, khaki cargo shorts, brown Jump apron. He pulls out his phone, checks it, puts it back.8:40 p.m.: Subject Shannen Moore walks in. Uniform: patched denim cutoffs, deep red tank top, flip-flops, aviators. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Subject Jake behind the counter. (Query: Is it possible that Shannen didn’t know her BFF was working here?)Shannen: Oh. Hey. You work here?(Assessment: Guess so.)Jake: Um, yeah.Shannen: Oh.Subject Shannen places her bag down on the counter.Shannen: Let me get a latte.Subject Jake grabs a cup. Drops it. Dives for it. Grabs it. Fumble recovered. Subject Shannen narrows her eyes.Shannen: Actually . . . make that a vanilla soy latte. With whipped cream. And cinnamon.Subject Jake doesn’t move.Shannen: Also a bialy. Everything. With low fat cream cheese. Unless you don’t have everything, and then I just want plain, but with the cranberry cream cheese. But don’t put too much on. And I don’t see any chocolate chip muffins. Can you check in back and see if they have any? But I’ll take that vanilla soy latte first.Subject Jake looks at her over his shoulder. (Assessment: He’s imagining a gruesome death scenario.)Shannen: Please.(Assessment: Someone is no longer someone’s BFF.)

“What is the definition of the word . . . ‘obsequious’?”I stared out the bay window in my room. It looked out over the kidney-shaped pool in our backyard. The ancient woman next to me cleared her throat, then made this choking sound. She spit up something into her mouth, and swallowed it. I was about to vomit.“Mr. Graydon? Obsequious.”The pink flash card fluttered in her spotted, gnarly fingers. I looked at the word. How did she print in such perfect block letters when every inch of her body was constantly shaking? She had all this excess skin under her chin and it hung so low it covered the collar of her flowered shirt.“Um . . . annoying?” I guessed.She sighed, and a mouthful of onion breath hovered over my room like a toxic cloud.“It means dutiful . . . servile.” She placed the flash card down on the pile of words I’d gotten wrong. It was a lot bigger than the ones I’d gotten right. But now I’d remember “obsequious.” Because it was what I was being right now.In my lap, my phone vibrated. Even though it was loud, she didn’t notice. I glanced at the screen. It was a text from Hammond.Where r u dude? Get ur ass down here already.I texted back.Can’t. Stuck w Shale’s SAT tutor.Thought u were talking 2 ur mom.I did. No dice.The old lady lifted another card. I took a deep breath and held it. Then texted again.Have u seen ally?There was no response.“What is the definition of . . .”—cough, phlegm rattle—“mendicant?”I brightened slightly. I knew this one. “Begging . . . or a beggar.”She smiled. Her front two teeth were brown. “Good!”The card went on my correct stack. My phone vibrated.Not really. She’s avoiding us.I let out a frustrated sigh. I don’t know what I’d been hoping for. That she was sitting around moping? Asking about me? Why would she be doing that when she’d basically told me she couldn’t give a shit about me right before she left? I still couldn’t figure out what I’d done so wrong that day. If she’d given me five more seconds, I would have explained everything. I would’ve told her why I kept the whole thing about her dad a secret. And maybe she would have forgiven me. She would’ve had to. Because I didn’t really do anything wrong. It was all Shannen.My teeth gnashed like they did every time I thought about Shannen lately. We’d been having the perfect night until she’d gone and effed it all up. Me and Ally were this close to being together like a real couple. I’d never even wanted that with anyone before, and the second I did? Gone.The door to my room opened behind us and I quickly shoved my phone under my leg. The old lady tutor might have been hard of hearing, but my mom wasn’t missing a thing lately with the mood she’d been in. The other day she’d called me out because I’d left my damn Xbox on pause overnight. Like we had any problems paying the electric bills. It was like she was looking for ways to get on my case.“How’s it going in here?” she asked.I didn’t acknowledge her, but tutor lady smiled as she turned haltingly in her seat. I could hear her bones creaking as she moved.“Fine, fine. He’s coming along,” she said.What? Seriously? Maybe she could only remember that I’d gotten the last one right. I sat up a little straighter.“Good! I’m glad to hear it,” my mother said. From the corner of my eye, I saw her smooth my bedspread. Guess Marta, our cleaning lady, hadn’t done a good enough job that morning. “See, Jake? I knew you could do it if you just focused.”Right. Whatever you say. But I wasn’t about to contradict her. I knew an opportunity when I saw it. And this was an opportunity to make a deal. To maybe get a chance to see Ally. I turned in my chair, hooking my arm over the back. My phone dug into my thigh as it slid toward the edge of the seat.“Hey, Mom, I was thinking . . . since I’m doing so well . . . maybe I could go down the shore tonight? Just for the rest of the weekend,” I added quickly.She stood up straight and let her hands fall heavy at her side. “Jake, no.”“But Mom—”“You have to work this weekend,” my mother said. She picked up my sandals and tossed them into my closet.I cursed the day I’d left my schedule on the kitchen counter. My mother had made a copy on the printer in the office and tacked it to the damn refrigerator.“I can get someone to cover my shifts,” I said. “Please. Mom! I’m missing everything.”“This is not about getting someone to cover for you,” my mother said, closing the closet door with a bang. “You have responsibilities now, Jake. You need to learn to honor them.”My fingers clenched into fists. Suddenly my room felt insanely small. Like there was no air. Like the ceiling was slowly lowering above my head. Everyone I knew was down the shore—sleeping late, playing volleyball on the beach, eating Bay Village pizza every day, and wakeboarding while the sun went down. But me? I was trapped in my tiny cell, breathing in noxious onion fumes and learning words no sane twenty-first-century person ever used in actual conversation.“This sucks,” I said, slumping back in my chair. As I moved, my phone hit the floor. And vibrated loudly. I lunged for it, but my mother was too fast. She plucked it off the carpet and checked the screen. Her face went ashen.“Your mom blows,” she read.My heart curled up and died. “He didn’t mean—”My mother’s mouth was a very thin line. She turned the phone off and dropped it in the pocket of her white shorts. “You can have that back when we’re done here. Meantime, I think I’ll call Hammond’s mom.”My face was on fire. “Mom, come on. Don’t.”“I think she should know the kind of language her son is using, don’t you?” she said.I swear old lady tutor laughed. Or maybe she was just choking again.“As for you, Jake, maybe we were unclear on what ‘grounded for the summer’ means,” my mother continued. “The sooner you accept that this is your life for the next two months, the better off you’ll be.”I bit my tongue to keep from pointing out that she’d let me go to the movies with Chloe. Maybe she was unclear about what “grounded for the summer” meant. I mean, she was the first one to blur the lines. I was just trying to make them blurrier. But if I said anything, she might go the other way. She might not let me go to the movies again, and then I’d really be screwed. So I just kept my mouth shut and slumped a little lower.“I ordered sushi for dinner,” my mother said. “When you’re done here, you can go pick it up.““Fine,” I said through my teeth.“Keep up the good work, Mrs. Tate!” my mother said as she walked out of the room.When she closed the door behind her, I swear I heard the sound of prison bars clanging.

That night, after an awkward dinner, I lay on my stomach on my bed with the door of the deck open, listening to the waves and reading Wuthering Heights. It was the first of the four books I’d have to read off my summer reading list if I wanted to start off AP English on the right foot in the fall. I lazily turned the page, trying to stop my brain from going where it kept wanting to go.To Cooper’s tan, wet abs.I shivered, giggled, and buried my face in the book for a second, inhaling that musty Orchard Hill library scent. Then I cleared my throat and straightened my face. I’d just pretend I was in class. That I had a teacher staring me down and I had to concentrate. That would keep me from—Cooper’s smile. His wet hair clinging to his forehead. His arm muscles flexing as he grabbed for me playfully in the water. God he was hot.I pushed myself up onto my butt and was about to slide back into the pillows, when there was a quick, authoritative rap on my door. My heart caught.“Come in?”Gray opened the door wide and stood on the threshold. He wore a salmon polo, unbuttoned one button too many, and crisp, gray flat-front chinos. “Ally, I’d like to talk to you.”Oh. Great.I swallowed hard. “I’m actually right in the middle of this chapter and it’s an assignment for school, so—”“This will only take a minute.”He stepped inside and half closed the door. Still, I felt trapped. I laid the book aside, lifted my chin, and waited.“It’s about your mother,” he began, placing his palms together. “She’s . . . very upset with you.”I felt a flash of anger. I knew how my mom was feeling. I’d known how my mom was feeling every day of my life from the day I could talk. I didn’t need him to tell me.“No. You know what? That’s a cop-out,” he said. “It’s not just your mother; I’m very upset with you, too.”“Excuse me?” I blurted, pressing my hands into the mattress.“Look, I realize you’re going through a lot right now, with what happened at Shannen Moore’s party and your dad coming back out of nowhere, but when I invited you and your mother down here for the summer, I was not expecting to be sharing my house with a sullen, rude teenager for two months.”My jaw dropped. I shoved myself up off the bed, standing on the far side—as far away from him as I could get. “Oh, well I’m sorry if I’m not living up to your high expectations!”“That’s not what I meant,” he said. He took a second, squeezed his eyes closed, and scratched at his forehead. Apparently he’d never had to give Quinn a talking-to, perfect as she was. My very existence seemed to have stumped him. I crossed my arms over my chest and waited. “Look, what I meant to say is . . . this is just no way to behave . . . taking your disappointment and . . . and anger out on the rest of us. Now, I know that your mother isn’t quite ready to talk about the situation with your dad, so if you need someone to talk to—”“You?” I practically screeched, backing up a step. “Are you kidding me? You want me to talk to you?”His face dropped a bit. “Is that so hard to imagine?”“Uh, yeah!” I shouted. “You are not my father.”The words hung in the air for a long moment. I heard a creak down the hall and wondered where my mother and Quinn were, whether they were listening.“I’m aware of that,” he said tersely.“Oh, are you? Because it doesn’t seem that way, what with you coming in here for this little heart-to-heart,” I said sarcastically. “I only came down here because I didn’t want to be away from my mom and because I didn’t want to deal with all that crap at home. I did not come down here because I want to have some kind of relationship with you.”His skin turned all blotchy. I’d never really seen Gray angry, but I had a feeling that I was about to get my first eyeful. “Well, I’m sorry to tell you that I’m not going anywhere. And as long as your mother and I are together, you’re going to have to have some kind of relationship with me.”“We’ll see,” I snapped.He shook his head, fed up, and turned to go. His hand was on the side of the door when he looked over his shoulder at me, his expression condescending.“You know, you didn’t seem to mind me so much when I was introducing you to Rick Morris the other day,” he said. “I think it’s about time you take a look at your conduct and decide if this is the person you really want to be.”He closed the door behind him, having gotten in the last word, and I let out a frustrated screech. What did he expect me to do? Turn down an intro to the scout from one of my top schools? I wasn’t a moron. I just didn’t need another father. What a total asshole, trying to make me feel guilty.Well, guess what, Gray? You lose. Because I don’t feel guilty. Not at all. In fact, all you’ve just done is made me more determined than ever to get rid of you.I grabbed my phone and speed-dialed my father. I got his voice mail.“Dad? It’s me. I was just wondering when this grand master plan of yours to win Mom back is going to kick in. Because whatever you need, I’m here. Call me back.”I hung up the phone and threw myself down on my bed, hands on my temples.Just breathe, I told myself. Just breathe. . . . Everything’s going to be fine. Everything will be okay.Unfortunately, no matter how many times I repeated it, my heart refused to believe it.

Daily Field Journal of Annie Johnston Saturday, July 3Position: Newsstand at Garden State Parkway rest stop, exit 100.Cover: Pretending to read OK! magazine. (Note: And wondering . . . who reads this crap? News flash: Salma Hayek has cellulite! Do I need to pay $3.99 for a picture of it?)Observations:12:43 p.m.: Subject Connor Shale and Subject Josh Schwartz hit the Burger King counter, along with a throng of tank-top-clad humanity. Subject Josh takes two bacon cheeseburgers from the warmer, plus fries and onion rings, but Subject Connor orders something special from the lady behind the counter. (Note: It’s a parkway Burger King. What do you think you’re getting? Filet mignon, grilled to order? Fresh seasonal prawns in garlic sauce? Grab a Whopper and be on your way, loser.)12:50 p.m.: Subject Josh Schwartz merrily eating burger at table. Subject Connor Shale still waiting for something at counter. (Note: He’s banging his hands against the metal top of the warmer. Assessment One: He’s getting antsy. Assessment Two: He has no rhythm.)12:55 p.m.: Subject Josh Schwartz has finished his food and rejoined Subject Connor Shale on line and is sucking on a chocolate shake. (Assessment Three: Josh has a stomach of steel; that took less than five minutes.) The two of them start to argue. (Assessment Four: Josh wants to get back on the road. Connor is not about to give up on his coq au vin special.)1:01 p.m.: Subject Josh shoves his sunglasses on and storms out. Subject Connor shouts “Fuck this place” and flings a stack of trays over, which causes a toddler in SpongeBob swim shorts to burst into tears. As he follows Subject Josh, Subject Connor grabs a package of cookies off the counter next to me, throws a tenner on the counter, and walks out. (Note: He, of course, does not see me.)1:02 p.m.: I tell the startled counter girl Connor was with me, pay for the cookies with his ten, and take the change. I just made a cool seven dollars and one cent. (Assessment: Cresties are good for the economy. Mine, anyway.)

“So who lives here?”Cooper gestured at the huge shingled mansion a few houses up the beach from Gray’s. It was Saturday morning, and he’d stopped by to keep me company while I waited for Annie to show up. As soon as he’d arrived, I’d dragged him out to the beach just to get away from my mom and Gray. When I’d come downstairs from my room and grabbed a bagel earlier, they’d both said good morning to me, and that was it. They were probably waiting for me to apologize. As if that was going to happen. I wasn’t the one walking into people’s rooms and ambushing them out of nowhere.“That’s Chloe’s place,” I said. “They’re not coming down this summer.”The Appleby house had a wraparound deck overlooking the ocean and a winding staircase leading up to a widow’s walk. The turret in the center of the widow’s walk was kind of an open loft space where Chloe, Shannen, Faith, and I used to gather on rainy days to paint one another’s nails, play snap, and talk about the boys. I could practically see us up there now in our short shorts and halter tops, lying on our stomachs, sucking on those jawbreakers they sold down at Bay Village.Suddenly I felt very, very sad.“No?” Cooper said, eyebrows raised. He flung one of the shells at the house. It bounced off a pylon and hit the sand.I shook my head.“Why? Not big enough for ’em?” he joked. But his eyes weren’t laughing. He flung another shell and it clanged against a tin seagull sculpture on the Applebys’ deck.“Ha-ha,” I said flatly, turning around to head back toward Gray’s. We were already a few houses away and I didn’t want to go too far, in case Annie arrived. As Cooper whipped another shell at Chloe’s, I quickened my steps. “You really hate summer people, huh?”Cooper smirked at me. “Not all of them.”I smiled and looked down at my feet. Then he turned to launch one final missile.“So how’d things work out with your mom yesterday?” He flung a shell toward the water this time, so hard it looked like he almost threw his shoulder out.“Not good. That wasn’t about you, you know,” I said as another shell hit the surf. “I mean . . . I don’t want you to think she’s, like, mad at you or something.”He paused and looked at me, confused. “What? Oh, this?” He held up the shells. “This isn’t about your mother.” He pulled back and threw the whole handful of them at the water. I saw a dozen tiny drops pop up where the shells fell. “This is about mine.”I paused, holding my hair back from my face as the wind shifted direction. “What’s wrong with your mother?”He scoffed, staring out at the water. “Interesting way to put it.”I blushed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”“No, no. It’s okay. I just meant . . . the better question is, what isn’t wrong with my mother?” he said wryly. But it was clear by the set of his jaw that he wasn’t amused.“Oh,” I said, an uncomfortable twist in my gut.He shook his head, moving his lower jaw around. “I don’t know what you guys were fighting about, but I can tell you it’s all fucking pointless,” he said. “They never listen, and they don’t care about anyone but themselves. I swear my mom just sees me and Jen as burdens keeping her from doing what she really wants to do.” He paused and looked sidelong at me. “And from who she really wants to be with.” I swallowed hard. Was that how my mother saw me right now? As a burden trying to keep her away from Gray? I had tried to convince her to ditch him and stay home with me. And I did want her to get back together with my dad. Was she up there in that big, sterile house right now resenting me for wishing my family could fix itself?I hated how unsure I felt. I put my hand on Cooper’s arm. “I’m really sorry. I—”Cooper flinched. He looked at me and laughed. A sarcastic, almost condescending laugh. “Whatever. I’m just venting.”Then he casually strolled away from me up the beach. It took me a second to catch my breath. I felt like I’d overstepped my bounds somehow, and wasn’t sure what to do about it. In front of Hammond’s house, Cooper paused and tipped his head back, letting the breeze tug his hair off his face. I caught up to him and hugged my own arms, feeling conspicuous.“I’m sorry.” He tipped his head forward and squinted at me. “I’m an asshole.”“No, it’s—”“It’s not.” He dropped down onto the sand and looked up at me. “I didn’t mean to . . . whatever. It’s not your problem. Let’s talk about something else.”I sat down next to him. Close, but not too close. “It’s okay.It’s cool. I understand.” And I did. Kind of. I’d had a couple of emotional freak-outs of my own lately.“Thanks.”He looked sad, and somehow young, sitting, hugging his shins in the sand. My fingers itched to push his hair back from his face, but that seemed too intimate, so I didn’t. He lifted his hands and his arm brushed mine. I got goose bumps everywhere. He rested his wrists on his knees, so his arms were straight, then placed his chin on his upper arm as he faced me. Suddenly I was very aware of how half-naked we both were—him in just a bathing suit, me in a tank top and shorts. I could smell the tangy scent of his sport sunscreen. There was a tiny grain of sand on his lower lip.“I’m glad I bumped into you the other night,” he said.“Yeah?”His face was so close I could see the bleached ends of his eyebrow hairs.“Yeah.”He was going to kiss me. Did I want him to kiss me? If my pounding heart was any indication, I did. Jake’s face flitted through my mind as my eyes fluttered closed. And then a whistle split the air. I looked over at Gray’s house. Annie was waving both hands over her head on the deck, her backpack dropped on the floor next to her.“Annie!” I jumped up, flinging sand all over Cooper’s legs. My skin buzzed, and my lips hummed from the aborted kiss, but I didn’t look back.“Hey!” she shouted, racing down the stairs.We ran to each other across the beach, and she flung her arms out to hug me, making a big kissy face like we were long-lost lovers. She wore a black T-shirt that hung off one shoulder, cutoff denim shorts, and hot pink leggings over black Converse. Her short, dark hair was pushed back with black-and-white checkered sunglasses.“Okay, you weren’t kidding. That place is, like, a museum,” she said.“I know, right?”Then she looked past me at Cooper. He was just rising up from the sand, dusting off his torso, and the sun bounced off his tan, making him look like something out of a surfing movie. Damn. I could’ve just kissed that.“Is that the hottie?” Annie whispered.“Um . . . yeah,” I said.She grinned proudly. “Hey!” she shouted to him. “I’m Annie. Ally’s better half.”Cooper loped over. “Not possible for her to have a better half.”Now Annie was really impressed. “You got any brothers?” she joked.“Nope. But I have a single dad who’s kind of cool when you can actually find him,” he replied.My heart sank as Annie and I exchanged a look.“God. Sorry. I’ve got some kind of disease today that only affects my speech.” He rubbed his hands together and looked Annie up and down. “I do have a sister, though.”Annie smirked. “Normally I don’t swing that way, but if she looks anything like you . . .”“Annie!”Cooper laughed. “Well, I guess I should let you guys . . . girl-bond or whatever. I’ll see you two around later?”“Most definitely,” Annie replied.Cooper lifted a hand as he walked up the beach toward the house and the driveway beyond, where he’d parked the truck he shared with his sister. Annie and I both watched until he was out of sight.“All right, he is way hotter than—”I lifted a hand. “Don’t say it. Don’t say his name. We are living in a him-free zone right now,” I said.“That’s very Zen of you,” Annie said, sliding her sunglasses down over her eyes.“It’s a whole new Ally Ryan,” I replied.“Does the new Ally Ryan eat? Cuz I’m starved and from the look of that house, I’m guessing there’s nothing fried, processed, or chocolate anywhere in it.”“You got that right,” I said, walking backward up the beach. “Come on. I’ll take you to Pinky’s.”“And tell me all about Cooper?” she asked.“And tell you all about Cooper,” I promised.As we walked around to the driveway where the car she’d borrowed from her mom for the weekend was parked, Annie told me about the goings-on at home. How David had gotten a job with a landscaper and was making buckets of cash. How Marshall had started going out with Celia Linklater and now thought he was a player. How she’d seen both Shannen and Chloe lurking around town, shopping alone, never together. I wondered if that was the gossip she’d been texting about the other day, and thought it couldn’t possibly be. She’d said she had big gossip, and solo shopping was not big. So did she have something big about Jake? Something she was just not telling me because I’d told her not to mention him?“Okay. How do we get to this Pinky’s?” Annie asked as she pulled out of the driveway.“Just hit the Boulevard and make a left. We’ll get there eventually.”“I like it. Very chill. Maybe I could get used to the vibe down here,” she said.I spent the entire drive obsessing about Jake, opening my mouth to ask her about him, then clamming up again and forcing myself to stay quiet. Yeah. That was my vibe all right. Very chill.