Текст книги "This Is So Not Happening"

Автор книги: Kieran Scott

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“Awesome job,” Quinn said. “I was surprised.”

“Thanks!” I said, choosing to ignore the dig.

I turned to my father, who wrapped me up in a hug and presented me with the flowers. “You out-acted everyone else on the stage.”

“Dad!” I said, blushing. “They can hear you.”

Everyone laughed. David handed me the rose, and Annie held out her program to me.

“What?” I asked, looking at the wrinkled mess.

“Can I have your autograph?” she asked, breathless.

“Ha ha,” I said drily. I tripped sideways as one of the moms shoved past me. “Have you guys seen Jake?” Annie bit her lip and David averted his eyes. Suddenly my smile wasn’t quite so wide anymore. “What?”

“I’m not sure he ever showed,” David said.

“Maybe he was in the back,” Annie added as my face fell.

“Yeah. It’s not like he would’ve sat with us anyway,” David pointed out.

It was a nice try, but I knew he hadn’t come. If he had, Annie would have seen him. She never missed anything. I felt like a black pit of tar was forming in my stomach area, expanding to engulf everything. Looked like Lincoln was right. Jake Graydon had no interest in gracing the auditorium with his presence. Not even for the girl he supposedly loved.

“Ally, get together with your friends. Your mother wants a picture,” Gray said, holding his camera up with one hand and waving us together with the other.

I turned toward the lens and forced a smile, but I suddenly felt tired—exhausted. Jake was grounded. I knew this. I knew there had been a chance he wouldn’t make it. But I couldn’t help feeling like if he’d really wanted to be here, he would have found a way to be here.

“One more!” Gray said jovially.

“Can we please go?” I asked.

“What’s wrong?” my mother asked me, slipping her arm around my shoulder.

“I’m starving,” I lied. “I was so nervous I barely ate anything today.”

“Okay, then. Let’s eat!” my father said.

We walked up the steps, which let out onto the main hall. I was just slipping through into the hallway when Jake came bursting in, a smallish bouquet of red roses in his hand. For a split second my heart fluttered with relief. He hadn’t forgotten about me. But then I realized his cheeks were red with cold, and he had his jacket on. He’d just come in from outside. He had missed the entire play.

“Hey!” he said with a huge smile. He walked forward and engulfed me in a frigid hug. “Congratulations!”

“Thanks,” I said stiffly, stepping back. “You just got here?”

As soon as they heard my question, my family and friends decided it was a good idea to keep walking. They moved ahead a few paces and pretended to be fascinated by the posters advertising the names of Orchard Hill High’s National Merit Scholars.

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” Jake said, glancing back over his shoulder. “I went with Chloe to her appointment this afternoon and her parents found out about it—God knows how. But anyway there was this whole big drama and I couldn’t get out of there. But the good news is, they decided to let me see Chloe. To, like, let me be involved. So now there’ll be no more sneaking around.”

“Great,” I said, not managing to sound in the least bit happy.

Jake’s face fell. “What’s wrong?”

I knew I shouldn’t say what I was about to say. I knew it was petty and that his problems were so much bigger than mine. But I had to stand up for myself too, right? He was supposed to be my boyfriend. How long was I supposed to just take the fact that I was coming in second to Chloe all the time?

“Okay, I know this is going to sound, like, beyond selfish and everything, but how could you not be here?” I asked. “This was the one night … the one night this whole year that was supposed to be about my thing, my play. But instead you spent the afternoon with Chloe and because you did that you had to spend the night with her too.”

Jake licked his lips. “I’m sorry. I just … but it wasn’t just about Chloe. It was about the baby.”

The baby, right. And it wasn’t like I could argue with the baby. I felt sick with guilt for even thinking about trying. I took a deep breath and told myself to chill. It was over. It wasn’t like I could go back and make him be here for the performance. But he was here now. I tried to believe that was what mattered.

“Okay, well … you’re meeting me later, right?” I asked.

We were having the cast party in Faith’s basement and Jake had promised to sneak out and come with. I had a feeling I was going to need him after suffering through what was sure to be the most awkward dinner of all time, with my mom, my dad, my mom’s fiancé, and his daughter.

Jake gritted his teeth and I took a step back.

“You’re not coming?”

“You know I’m grounded,” I said.

My face stung. “That didn’t matter when you were going to the doctor with Chloe.”

“I told my parents I had an emergency practice right after school,” he said, sounding desperate. “I can’t tell them I have another one tonight.”

“Well, where do they think you are right now?” I asked.

“Getting pizza,” he said. He glanced at his watch. “Actually, I should get over to Renato’s if I’m going to get back without them getting suspicious….”

“Okay, fine. Just go,” I said, walking past him. I was so angry I was practically shaking. I held my dad’s and David’s flowers against my chest as tightly as I could, trying not to lose it completely.

“Ally, come on,” he begged.

“No, no. You’re late to get your pizza!” I stormed right past my family and started down the stairs.

“Don’t you want your flowers?” he yelled after me.

Give them to Chloe.

“Not even a little bit,” I replied.

Then I shoved my way out the front door of the school and into the cold night air. I couldn’t believe that ten minutes ago I had felt so happy. So carefree. Now I felt bad about myself, I felt bad about my relationship…. I just felt bad in general. And I was about to have to put on a happy face for two hours of chowing down with my dysfunctional family. I had no idea whose car we were taking or where they were parked, but I made a beeline for the parking lot, just trying to get away, tears streaming hot across my already freezing-cold face.

ally

“Okay, this girl’s basement is bigger than my entire house!”

Lincoln sidled up to me and handed me a clear plastic cup full of bright red punch. Around me people played on Faith’s father’s classic pinball games, traded memories of tonight’s performance, and laughed as other cast members played Dance Dance Revolution on the TV, while I stood with my back against a pillar, wishing I could rewind the night and do something differently with Jake. Anything.

“That’s where you’re supposed to say ‘really?’ and then I say—”

“No?” I replied.

Lincoln leaned his hand against the pillar somewhere over my head. He wore an old brown-and-tan striped cardigan over a white T-shirt, and it fell open as he moved. “Normally, yes, I would say no, but this time I think I’d actually have to say yes.”

“Okay, I just barely followed that,” I said, standing up a bit straighter.

“Let me put it this way. Her game closet? About the same size as my bedroom,” he said.

“Gotcha.”

Lincoln took a long, long slug of his punch, looking me in the eye the entire time. Looking me in the eye until I had to blush and look away.

“So what’s your deal?” he asked. “You don’t seem to be getting the fact that this is a party.”

“Oh?” I put my half-drunk punch on a nearby table, along with five other discarded half-drunk cups. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“It means you’re supposed to be having fun.”

Fun. Like I had any idea what that was anymore. This was my senior year and the most fun I’d had so far was probably the late-night rehearsals we’d had last week. Smuggling Burger King backstage on dinner breaks, swinging from the sets, making our voices echo in the deserted lobby. Actually, most of the play stuff had been fun. The play stuff. The one place where my boyfriend was not a factor. And tonight, the one night he was a factor, he’d just swooped in and killed my stage buzz.

My heart twisted painfully as I wondered, not for the first time, what I was doing going out with a guy who hadn’t made me smile in months.

Yeah. I was definitely not in party mode.

Lincoln leaned over me and put his cup inside mine, where it forced some of the liquid up the sides. I expected him to go back to where he’d been standing, but he didn’t. Instead he stood in front of me. One foot between my two feet, his chest mere inches from mine.

My heart began to pound as a million thoughts raced through my mind. He was going to kiss me. But no, he wouldn’t kiss me. He knew I had a boyfriend. But maybe that didn’t matter to him. What was I going to do if he kissed me? Where was Faith? Was she watching me right now? Would it be the biggest deal if I let him kiss me? I mean, I’d kissed him onstage a dozen times. What was so different if he kissed me now?

And also, Jake wasn’t here. He was supposed to be here. And he wasn’t. Maybe I should kiss someone else.

Suddenly, in the back of my mind, Annie’s voice started chanting, Do it! Do it! Do it!

“Really?” I heard myself say. Stalling. I was stalling. I looked at his scuffed brown shoes, the worn knee of his jeans, the off-white rug where three pretzels had been mauled into dust.

Lincoln hovered closer. I looked up at him. He shook his head “no” but said, “Yes.”

Then he leaned in toward me. His lips inched toward mine. I knew how they would taste, how they would feel, but I couldn’t breathe. Jake’s face flitted through my mind, clear and bright as day. And I saw exactly what he would look like if he found out I kissed another guy. I felt exactly the disappointment and betrayal and anger he would feel. Because I’d felt it myself the night I’d found out about Chloe.

I turned my face away. Lincoln’s forehead collided with my temple.

“Ow!” he said.

“I’m sorry.” I sidestepped away from him and backed up, tripping over someone’s leg and falling sideways against the old jukebox in the corner. “I’m sorry, Lincoln. You know I … I have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said, touching his forehead with his fingertips and wincing. “I just thought—”

“I have to go,” I interrupted. Because I didn’t want to hear what he thought. Did he think Jake and I were in trouble because he’d spotted us fighting tonight? Did he think Jake and Chloe were a couple now because Jake was always with Chloe?

God. Could my brain get any more screwed-up?

“I’m sorry.”

I turned and headed for the door, needing to escape more than anything. I had to get out of here and think. I had to figure out how I felt, why I had almost just let that happen.

“You don’t have to leave!” Lincoln called after me.

“Yeah, I kind of think I do,” I replied. “I’ll see you on Monday!”

I grabbed the banister on the stairs and hurled myself upward. As I shoved through the door to the first floor, cool air enveloped me and I finally felt like I could breathe. I could hear Faith’s mom and dad chatting with some other parents in the kitchen and I dove for the coat closet, glad my mother had chosen not to come. Somehow I found my black coat shoved in among the other black coats, and I was outside within seconds.

I hurried down the front walk and across the crunchy frozen grass, relishing the fact that I could walk home from Faith’s. At least something good had come out of moving to Gray’s.

Suddenly, out in the frigid cold night air, everything seemed crisply clear. I was in love with Jake. Whatever he’d done, whatever was going on in his life, however mad at him I was, I was in love with him. I could never kiss another guy while we were together. I wouldn’t do that to him.

Good. That was good to know about myself. But it didn’t solve the other ten million problems with our relationship. One thing was for sure, though. Right then, I felt like the worst girlfriend of all time, and as I turned and headed toward “home,” I decided that from now on, I was going to do everything I could to be better. I promised myself I was going to be the best girlfriend I could be. I was going to act like everything was okay even if it wasn’t. Because maybe the more I acted like it was okay, it would actually start to be okay.

Or maybe I was just making no sense. Either way, I decided to walk slowly, even though it was freezing-cold out. If I walked slowly enough, maybe by the time I got back to the house, I’d have it figured out.

jake

“This is gonna sound weird, but I feel like I haven’t seen you in, like, a month.” Ally hooked her arms around my neck and we started to slow dance. Fake stars winked and streaked over our heads, as couples moved around us. I looked down into her brown eyes and she did, freakily, look different.

“Did you do something? Like, to your hair or something?” I asked.

“See what I mean?” she said with a laugh. “You don’t even remember what I look like.”

I blushed and rolled my eyes. “I remember. I see you every day.”

“I know, but we’re both always so busy,” Ally said as we moved in a tight circle. “It’s like ‘hi’ in the hall and ‘what did you get on your quiz?’ and then that’s it.”

I nodded even though I didn’t get it. We ate lunch together no matter what, and I drove her to school every morning. I’d been seeing just as much of her as usual, except for being grounded until I finally got a good grade yesterday. What was she looking for? An apartment together downtown?

Near the edge of the dance floor, Chloe was slow-dancing with Hammond, but keeping a serious distance. Like a full arm’s length. I guess with her trying to hide her stomach, she had to. She was wearing this black dress that was tight under her boobs and then seriously loose to her knees. You couldn’t tell she was pregnant, but all the guys were staring at her boobs. They had never been that big before, and every dude in the room knew it.

“What’re you looking at?” Ally said, glancing behind her.

I stepped on her foot to keep her from looking. I’m not proud of it, but a guy has to do what a guy has to do.

“Ow!” she said, pulling her toes up.

“Sorry.” I gritted my teeth. “I know it sucks that I’ve been grounded, but at least it’s over. Now we can do whatever.”

Ally put her foot down again and gave me this insanely sexy smile. “What kind of whatever did you have in mind?” she asked, pulling me in a little closer.

Instantly every inch of my skin was on alert. Actually, come to think of it, it had been a long time since we’d been alone together. Like, alone alone. I hadn’t done much more than peck her on the lips in days. Weeks maybe. I held her closer, and her breath caught, which just got me going even more.

“Think there’s a private room around here somewhere?” I said.

She blushed purple. “I know my mom’s around here somewhere.”

I loosened my grip a little. “Talk about a buzz kill.”

Ally laughed, but I wasn’t exactly kidding. Then a fast song started up and the only semicrowded dance floor was suddenly claustrophobic. Ally started to bounce around to the music, so I tried to do the same. I’d never been very good at fast dancing. I just sort of stepped from side to side and counted the seconds until it was over.

There was a whoop and a shout and suddenly a circle was forming. Being taller than most people had its perks. I could see over everyone’s heads that Faith and this junior girl, Ava Strathmore, were pulling Chloe out into the center. They started to do this dance together, like doing the same moves, and everyone clapped to the beat. Chloe was laughing and I had to smile. It had been a while since I’d seen her laugh.

“Did they actually choreograph something?” Ally said, standing on her toes so she could see. She was taller than most girls, too, just not most guys.

“They did this for the talent show sophomore year,” Shannen said, coming up behind us. “It just ain’t a party until Faith snags the spotlight.”

In the center of the circle, Chloe leaned over and swung her hair around and around like she was a propeller … or maybe a stripper. I swear I thought one of her boobs was gonna pop out of her dress, and I think everyone else did too. Every guy in the room was holding his breath. Then her mother broke through the crowd and went pale, hanging on to her pearls for dear life.

“Um, should she be doing this?” Ally asked.

“She’s fine!” Shannen shouted, raising her arms over her head. “God, let the girl have a little fun.”

Then Chloe flung her head up and stood straight and suddenly her eyes sort of crossed. Just like that I remembered that day on the side of the road. The day she almost fainted. Someone in the crowd gasped. Chloe staggered sideways. Her dad jumped out of the crowd behind her with his arms outstretched, and she went down.

“Omigod!” Ally cried, hand over her mouth.

My heart completely stopped beating.

The baby. Just don’t let the baby be hurt.

I shoved through the circle and was on my knees next to Chloe. Hammond did the same on the other side. Luckily her dad had caught her before she hit the floor, but she was completely out.

“Chloe! Chloe, can you hear me?” her father asked.

“Charles?” Chloe’s mother wailed.

“Get Gray!” he growled. She disappeared into the crowd just as Dr. Nathanson came into the circle from the other side. Ally’s mom went straight to Ally’s side.

“What happened?” Dr. Nathanson asked, kneeling next to me.

“She just fainted and went down,” I said.

Mr. Nathanson looked Chloe over. “Charles, I hate to have to ask this, but is your daughter … pregnant?”

I looked down. On her back, with her dress flopped to the floor, it was obvious. Chloe’s belly was like a mountain. Mr. Appleby nodded and Gray looked, well, gray.

Everyone was dead silent, but the music was pumping. Kids started snapping pictures with their phones, sending texts or tweets. I wanted to pummel every one of them.

“Boys, I’m going to need a little room,” Dr. Nathanson said to me and Hammond.

“Yeah, dude,” Hammond said, glaring at me.

“Me? You’re the one that should back off,” I spat.

Hammond’s eyes went wide. “I was with her for two years!”

“Yeah, and she broke up with you, like, six months ago, jackass!” I shot back.

“Boys! Both of you! Get out of the doctor’s way!” Mr. Appleby shouted. “This is not about your egos right now!”

Hammond and I both stood up. I turned away, turned toward Ally, but her expression kind of killed me. She looked sad, helpless, jealous, and mad all at once. I put my hand on the back of my head and looked at the floor. I could feel everyone watching me. Wondering why I had gone to Chloe’s side. Maybe even realizing the truth. Thumbs flew over keyboards, everyone here telling everyone I knew what they thought they now understood. Finally the music was cut dead.

“Chloe? Are you okay?” I heard Mrs. Appleby say, after what seemed like forever.

I whirled around. Chloe was sitting up. Blinking.

“Where are we?” she asked, staring up at the fake sky. Then her face filled with terror. “Oh my God. The baby! Is the baby okay?”

Now there were gasps. As if they hadn’t seen the belly bump, hadn’t heard the doctor’s question.

“Let’s get her out of here,” her father said. “She needs some fresh air.”

Dr. Nathanson and Mr. Appleby helped Chloe to her feet, supporting her on the way out the door.

“Wait, but the party,” I heard Chloe say. And then she was gone.

Mrs. Appleby stood there in the center of the dance floor by herself, sort of wavering back and forth on her heels. Shannen’s mother came out of the crowd and went over to her, and the two of them clasped hands for a second. Then Mrs. Appleby looked up and focused. It was like she finally saw the audience. Saw everyone staring at her.

“Yes, my daughter is pregnant, okay?” she half-cried, half-screeched. “And this party is officially over.”

Then she yanked her hand away from Mrs. Moore, turned, and stormed out. The whole room was consumed by whispers and questions and some laughter. I walked over to Ally and her mom. Ally kind of robotically took my hand. I squeezed her fingers, but she didn’t squeeze back.

“Well, I guess we should—”

“Jake?” Mrs. Appleby’s voice stopped me cold. She had her coat over her arm and she snapped her fingers at me from across the room. “Chloe’s asking for you. Let’s go.”

My mouth fell open. Every single pair of eyes in the room was on me. I felt like someone had jammed a dirty sneaker into my throat, making it impossible to speak or breathe.

“Let’s go,” she ordered me.

I turned to Ally. Her eyes were shining. She dropped my hand, crossed her arms over her stomach, and looked at the floor.

“Um, you have a ride, right?” I said.

“Of course she does,” her mother said, putting her arms around Ally’s shoulders. Her mouth was this ugly thin line, and she looked like she wanted to put me in a chokehold. Guess someone had figured out for sure what was going on around here.

“Okay. Thanks. I’ll call you later?” I said to Ally.

She barely nodded. I turned around and strode across the room, trying to keep my head up. When I passed Hammond he shot me a death glare. I paused and looked him in the eye.

“Well,” I said. “There you go.”

I couldn’t help it. Then I followed Chloe’s mother out to the car. Her dad was in the front seat. Dr. Nathanson was in the back with Chloe. I got in next to her and she fell sideways into me, resting her head on my lap.

“Do you think the baby’s okay?” I asked Ally’s almost-stepfather.

“It wasn’t that bad of a fall,” he said, his face stiff. I was sure he was judging me. Realizing his fiancée’s daughter was going out with someone else’s baby daddy. “But we won’t know anything for sure until we get her to the hospital.”

The hospital. My throat felt dry and coarse. Please just let the baby be okay. Please just let the baby be okay. Chloe was crying, but totally silent. I had no idea what to do with my hands. Then I noticed her hair was over her face, so I brushed it back behind her ear. It took a few swipes, but she stopped crying. So I just kept doing that, all the way to the emergency room.

ally

The garage door scrolled open in front of us. My mother and I sat there in silence. Just like we had the entire drive from the city. My mother put the car in park and I held my breath.

Here we go.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked.

“As if you haven’t figured it out already,” I replied acerbically, toying with the strap on my black evening bag.

She shifted in her seat, angling her back against the door and her knees toward me.

“Why don’t you try me?” she asked. “Because I’m hoping that what I’m imagining is actually worse than the truth. That’s often the case with parents, fyi. Our imaginations are hugely overactive.”

I scoffed and shook my head. My eyes stung like they’d been branded. The moment I’d been dreading for so long was finally here, but I somehow couldn’t believe it was happening. I couldn’t believe I was going to have to talk to my mother about this. I decided for the Band-Aid approach. Quick and painless. Well, quick, anyway.

“Okay, here it is. Over the summer when Jake and I were broken up, he and Chloe had sex. Apparently they made a baby. So now, here we are.”

My mother stared. “How long have you known about this?”

“Since the night before school started,” I said, then braced myself.

“That long? Ally!” My mother dropped her hand into her lap and raised her eyes to the heavens. “How could you have kept this a secret?”

“It’s not like it was easy, okay?” I said, my voice breaking as I turned my palms to the sky, my hands in my lap. “But it wasn’t my secret to tell! Chloe’s parents didn’t even know about it.” My mother had this incredulous look on her face. Like our relationship should have trumped everything else. I looked down at my lap again. “Besides, you’ve kind of had other things on your mind.”

“Oh, don’t do that. Don’t act as if the wedding prevented you from confiding in me,” she snapped, annoyed. “I knew something was up with you. I tried to talk to you. You wouldn’t tell me.”

I gazed out the windshield, frozen. She was right, of course. She’d asked and I’d lied. But I just didn’t feel like talking about this right now. This wasn’t my fault. None of it was. And all I cared about right then was finding out where Jake was. And, maybe a little bit, finding out if Chloe was okay. I couldn’t believe the way she’d just gone down. I’d never seen anything so scary in my life. For the first time in a long time, I remembered that she wasn’t just a villain. She was someone who needed taking care of.

I just wished, for the millionth time, that it wasn’t my boyfriend taking care of her.

“I’m sorry, okay? I am. I wish I’d told you, believe me. But now you know,” I said with a shrug. “Can we just go inside and see if Gray is back yet?”

“I need to ask you something,” she said.

I sighed, my shoulders slumping. So much for this conversation being over.

“Okay.”

“Have you … I mean, you haven’t … slept with Jake, have you?”

I never knew my body could get that hot that fast. “What? Mom! No! What do you think he’s doing? Running around school knocking everybody up?”

“I’m sorry!” she said, raising her hands. “It’s just when you find out your daughter’s boyfriend has been sexually active, you start to wonder if—”

“Oh, God, Mom!” I groaned, gagging. “Please never say that again?”

“What? Sexually active? Well, it’s pretty clear he is, kiddo!” she replied indignantly.

“Okay, okay!” I was so uncomfortable I could have clawed my way out of the car. “Look, I’m not an idiot. I’m not Chloe.”

My fingers clenched into fists. I just wanted to end this awful night.

“I know you’re not, Ally. I know.” She reached over and patted my hand. She blew out a sigh, and I imagined it was pure relief. Until she said: “But we’re clear on everything, right? Condoms can prevent diseases, but they don’t always prevent pregnancy—”

I scoffed, my face prickling. “Yeah. Apparently not.”

She paused. “They used a condom?”

“I cannot believe I’m talking about this with you,” I said, looking out the side window.

“But they—”

“Yes, okay!? They used a condom. Jake’s not an idiot either.”

Just kind of a slut.

Suddenly I wanted to punch someone. Maybe myself. Maybe Jake. I wasn’t sure.

“Okay, well, that’s good. That’s … good to know. So are you okay?” she asked, tilting her head. “I can’t imagine it’s easy, the guy you love having a baby with someone else.”

A tear unexpectedly plopped onto my lap. I felt more coming and bit them back. “No, it’s not,” I said, my voice full. “But, Mom? Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m tired. I just want to go inside and go to bed.”

She pressed her lips together and I could tell there were ten million more things she wanted to say, ten million more questions to ask. I was grateful beyond imagination when she faced forward, put the car in gear, and nodded.

“Sure, hon.” She sighed again and pulled the car into the garage. “Whatever you say.”

ally

Everyone was watching me. At least that’s how it felt. Two hundred people, a dozen scantily clad cheerleaders, and a huge, face-melting bonfire, and they were watching me. I stood on the baseball field with Annie, David, Marshall Moss, and Marshall’s girlfriend, Celia Linklater—all five-foot-one, ninety-five pounds of her—a safe enough distance from the fire to not catch a spark, but close enough to stay warm, and tried to be inconspicuous. Marshall had been my prom date last year and was still a good friend, but I barely saw him because he was always with Celia. Still, I was glad they were both here tonight for extra support. Somehow I’d thought that the night-before-Thanksgiving football pep rally—a traditionally Norm-only event—would be a respite from the rumor mill. Apparently I was wrong.

“Oh, man. I forgot my flask! Did you guys bring a flask?” Annie joked, clucking her tongue.

I glanced in the direction she was looking and, sure enough, saw three members of the JV football team passing around a leather bottle. They couldn’t have looked more suspicious if they tried, their eyes darting around, their feet so close their toes were touching.

“Nope. Forgot the pot, too,” David said, sniffing the air, his hands jammed into the pockets of his varsity soccer jacket. “How does anyone get away with this stuff when there are cops and firemen everywhere?”

“Because half the cops went to our school and don’t give a crap,” Marshall said, wrapping his arms around Celia from behind. He had to bend down to rest his chin atop her curly brown hair. “Jason Krantz will probably confiscate all of it and have a party in his parents’ pool house.”

Celia laughed as the officer in question, who didn’t look a day over eighteen even though he’d graduated three years ago, strolled by with his shoulders rolled back, his head swiveling from side to side like he was auditioning for a new Terminator movie.

“Uh-oh, Ally,” Celia said suddenly. “Incoming.”

The little hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I didn’t know Celia that well—only from the few times we’d hung out together—but being a peripheral friend, she knew all about the Jake/Chloe/Ally triangle situation. I looked over my shoulder. Lincoln Carter was strolling toward us, his hands in the pockets of his brown corduroy jacket.

I didn’t know what I had been expecting, but it wasn’t Lincoln. Celia and Lincoln were friendly, so I wondered if he’d maybe told her what had happened at the cast party and I suddenly felt betrayed. Prickles filled my stomach and I went hot around the collar, more in the spotlight than ever.

“Hey,” he said, pausing in front of me.

“Hey.”

I glanced over at my friends, then moved a few feet away. Lincoln followed. Luckily, the others took the hint and didn’t. My throat was dry and tasted like ash from the fire. I licked my lips nervously and looked up at him.

“What’s up?”

He lifted his shoulders, keeping his hands in his pockets. “Not much. I guess I’m just wondering … how you are.” His expression was somewhere between concerned and hopeful. I didn’t get it.

“How I am?” I said dumbly.

He pressed his lips together, like he was maybe regretting coming over here. “Yeah, I mean. I heard about … you know, Jake and Chloe and I just wondered … if you’re okay.”

My stomach dropped. This felt completely wrong, talking about this with him. Lincoln had been my escape from the reality of my life. And now here he was, stepping right into the thick of it. It wasn’t his fault, I knew, but I didn’t like having him in my reality. I wished he’d stayed separate. I wished he’d stayed clean.