Текст книги "One Wicked Night"

Автор книги: Kelly Jamieson

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

Chapter Fourteen

Kaelin watched Tyler leave, the room shifting around her. Her ears buzzed, her heart hurt. She put a hand to her chest and closed her eyes. She didn’t know who she hurt for more—him or herself.

He’d done that deliberately, that night, just so she would see them? Just so she would be hurt and leave him alone?

The thought ripped a hole in her gut, just tore her apart. She’d known he didn’t have the same feelings for her as she was developing for him, and she’d thought she hadn’t really shown those feelings. But apparently she had and he’d been…whatever. All she knew was, he wanted to get rid of her.

Had she trailed after him and Nick all summer like a lovesick puppy? Surely to god not. Humiliation burned a hole inside her. That he’d gone to that length to hurt her…oh lord. She pressed a hand to her stomach, opened her eyes and met Avery’s anguished and questioning gaze.

“Kaelin. Come on.” Avery detached herself from her new husband’s embrace, grabbed Kaelin’s hand and dragged her out of the room, up the stairs and into the bedroom where they’d stood yesterday, Avery in her beautiful wedding dress looking so shiny and happy, now all tear-streaked and anguished.

“Sit.” Avery pushed her to the bed. Kaelin lowered herself on shaky legs and stared at the rug on the floor.

“You were with Tyler and Nick Friday night?”

She lifted heavy eyes to look at Avery. The time for lies and secrets was over, apparently. Even Avery had confessed. “Yes,” she said. She lifted her chin, ready for Avery’s censure, her disapproval. But Avery just looked puzzled. “I was. It just happened. We’d gotten Scott and Hardeep back to their rooms. They were walking out with me and we stopped to sit in the lobby for a few minutes. We were talking and then I just…it was me.” She gave a short nod of her head. “It was me who instigated it, so don’t think badly of Tyler.”

“I…okay.”

“They kept saying how nice I was. And I was just sick of being nice and good and…boring. So I kissed them both. Things got carried away.” She closed her eyes, remembering just how far. Some things were going to be left to Avery’s imagination. “I spent all night with them.”

“Oh my god,” Avery breathed, fingertips on her lips, staring at Kaelin. “You wild woman, you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize!”

“But he’s your brother. Your younger brother.” She took a deep breath, ready to tell the rest. “I never told you about that summer. That summer we were talking about when I caught Nick and Tyler with Tracy.”

Avery pressed her lips together. “No.”

“Did you know about that? What she accused them of?”

“Yes. I knew it couldn’t be true. I knew my parents kicked him out.” Her voice wobbled. “And I knew he begged me never to tell you about it, because he didn’t want you to know.”

“I don’t understand that. And god, I wish you’d told me! I could have set your parents straight about that ten years ago, and maybe avoided that whole big mess.”

Avery bit down on her bottom lip. “Oh geez.”

“And why didn’t he want you to tell me? I don’t get it.”

“Kaelin, don’t you see?”

Kaelin shook her head, moisture gathering in the corners of her eyes. Her throat tightened up.

“He cared about you. I think he still does.”

Kaelin choked. “Yeah right! Cared enough about me to set that whole thing up so I’d see it and he didn’t have to tell me to get lost.” She bent her head. “I never realized he knew how I felt.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about it? About you and him.”

Kaelin didn’t look up, just stared down at her fingers clasped on her lap. “That was the summer you were dating Thomas Alsworth. You were crazy about him. You spent all your time with him and his friends.”

She heard Avery’s softly indrawn breath.

“It was okay,” she said, reaching for Avery’s hand. “I was happy for you. I just felt a little at loose ends. Home from college. I was working and looking after my dad, but we had that caregiver coming in sometimes and I had evenings and weekends with no studying. For some reason I ended up hanging around with Tyler and Nick. I’m not sure how it happened, mostly by accident, but they started including me in their plans. We went to the beach.” She paused. “We went to bush parties and drank beer and danced in the grass and skinny-dipped. I was doing things I’d never done before. It felt wild. Exciting. I thought they wanted me with them. I thought they were having fun too. And I also didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you’d be very happy about me…er…being with your little brother. He was two years younger than us.”

Avery released her hand and edged closer, slid her arm around Kaelin’s shoulders.

“One night Tyler and I were alone for a while and…he kissed me.”

That kiss, although not her first, had been the hottest, most intensely erotic kiss of her life. Until this weekend. She’d been burning up, melting down, on fire for him.

“I was so silly. He was so cool and popular. So many girls were after him. And I thought that was maybe the start of…something. But then the next night I came here to get those books from your room and…well, you know now what I found.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know, but I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“I knew he could be a little mean, like, teasing mean. He made fun of me all the time, you know? But to deliberately hurt me like that.” She shook her head.

“You heard why he did it.”

“Yeah. To get rid of me.”

Avery shifted on the bed, and turned Kaelin by her shoulders to face to her. “That’s not exactly what he said. He said it was because he didn’t think he was good enough for you.”

“He never said that.” Had he? It was all kind of fuzzy and mixed up.

“He said he’s not worth it. You know what he’s like.”

Kaelin gazed at her friend in puzzlement, thinking back. “He said that’s why I shouldn’t have told his parents about it. Oh, I don’t understand him! He’s so damn complicated!”

She pressed her hands to her burning eyes.

“Yes, he is,” Avery agreed. “But I love him. I would so like him to be happy.”

“He and Nick…” She shot a sideways glance at Avery.

“Are they together?” Avery asked in a low voice.

“Sort of. I think you need to hear about that from him.”

“‘Sort of.’ Another complication. It figures.” She shook her head. “But I really think he has feelings for you, Kaelin.”

Kaelin’s head throbbed. “I need to go home. I need to think about this. I’m not sure what I’ve done. I may have just done myself out of a job. If word about all this gets out…”

“My parents aren’t ones to spread gossip,” Avery said quietly. “You know what they’re like. They’re not going to want anyone to know about this, any more than you do.”

“Well, they may not, but I don’t think the guy working the front desk at the hotel has any compunction about gossiping apparently. And if Brent hears about that…”

“Brent?” Avery frowned. “I thought you weren’t seeing him anymore.”

“I’m not.” She told Avery about him pulling her over the morning before, and how he’d seen her and jumped to the conclusion—accurately—that she hadn’t been home that night.

“Oh. Well.” Avery nibbled a fingernail.

“You know what? Truthfully? I don’t care. I don’t care anymore. It doesn’t matter.”

“Remember you could still come to Los Angeles.”

“Yeah.” Kaelin nodded. Leaving Mapleglen was becoming more appealing.

“Or you could go to Chicago.”

Her eyes flew open and her gaze clashed with Avery’s. “Chicago?”

Avery nodded, watching her.

“Why would I go there? Tyler and Nick don’t want me. Didn’t you hear him? He was so pissed off at me, now, and ten years ago when I cramped his style…”

“Was he pissed off at you Friday night?”

Kaelin shifted back. “Um…no.”

“Was he pissed off at you Saturday? After?”

Kaelin shook her head. “Not until I followed him up to the hotel room after your mom asked him to leave the wedding.”

“Why was he angry then?”

“I don’t know! Maybe he was just taking his anger at your mom out on me! But it seemed like he was pissed off because I’d come up to their room with them, again.”

“I see.” Avery tapped her bottom lip with one finger. “He was probably worried about you and your reputation again.”

Kaelin tipped her head to one side. “I suppose.”

“Think about it,” Avery said. “Think about him and think about going to Chicago.” She rose to her feet and moved to the dresser. She poked around in some things she’d left there yesterday then held up a small card in two fingers. “You don’t have to move there. I know that’s a big step. But you’re on vacation for the next two weeks. Why not go visit and see him and talk about stuff and see what happens? I really think he does care, Kaelin. Yeah, he was angry, but I think you can figure out why.” She walked over and handed Kaelin the card. It was Tyler’s business card, with his home address written on the back.

Kaelin’s eyes teared up again and she swiped at them. “I don’t know if I can figure him out. I don’t know if I want to figure him out. Oh god, I don’t know what I want.” She stood too. “I’m sorry, Ave. This is your wedding weekend and everything got so messed up.”

“Not because of you. My family had all this shit we needed to get out in the open. Who knows, maybe things will be better after this.”

“Things won’t be better if they don’t look at Tyler and see who he really is.”

“Who is he, really?” Avery’s voice was gentle.

“He’s strong and smart and charming and energetic. He’d do anything for people he loves. He’s determined.” Avery’s eyes grew warm as she watched Kaelin and listened to her. “He put himself through college after your parents threw him out.”

“You know, he never came right out and told me that, but I knew things were tough for him financially. Shit.”

“And look where he is now.”

Avery nodded, and smiled knowingly. “Yeah.”

“Anyway. If your parents value their reputation and image more than they value him, well, it’s their loss. But I don’t think you can expect him to start coming to a lot of family reunions.”

Avery nodded, her mouth turning down at the corners. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“I’m going home now,” Kaelin said.

“Thank you again for all you did.” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “My mom would have had things so over the top. I couldn’t handle getting sucked into that old pattern, of her taking over and telling me what to do. I wanted it to be my wedding, and I was afraid I wasn’t strong enough to stand up to her.”

Kaelin bent her head. And Avery thought she was? “Oh, Avery. Of course you are.”

Avery shook her head. “I know it was a lot of work to deal with her, but she loves you.”

Kaelin snorted. “Probably not anymore.” They hugged tightly.

The long drive back to Chicago was mostly silent. Nick flipped through copies of trade magazines as Tyler drove. His jaw ached, his neck and shoulders so tight every movement was painful.

He thought. A lot. About all kinds of things. About his parents. About the glum realization of how much he’d contributed to the discord between them. How stubborn and stupid he’d been.

He thought about Avery and her confession, a sad admiration filling him at her courage. Of course, years later, there wasn’t much that was going to happen. His parents would still love her. Nobody was going to throw her in jail over that now. But she’d done it for him and she hadn’t had to, and that filled him with a funny warm glow.

But mostly he thought about Kaelin and how crazy brave she’d been to walk in there and spill her guts. God. And he thought about the hurt look on her face when he’d yelled at her, and especially when he told her he’d deliberately set up that scene so she’d see it. She’d looked ready to fall on the floor.

Shit.

“Gotta stop for gas,” he said to Nick. Nick just grunted.

He pulled off the interstate when he saw the sign for a service station, stood there filling the Jeep as sunshine warmed his face and the June breeze ran soft fingers through his hair. Nick got out and used the bathroom and he did too after he paid for the gas, then they climbed back in and resumed their drive home without saying more than a few words.

And he had to think about Nick too. Nick sitting there beside him, quiet, unreadable. Was he pissed at him? Disappointed in him? Feeling sorry for him? He thought about Nick’s comment earlier, about how insulting it was to him that Tyler thought Kaelin was too good for him–but Nick wasn’t. The guy drove him crazy, had pushed him into doing that, and look what a mess it had turned out to be. Yet he couldn’t blame him and he knew Nick was right. He had to get this chip off his shoulder and move on.

He’d actually thought he had, over the years, that it had just faded away, until he’d gone home and all those old emotions had resurrected it, a big hulking chip monster sitting on his shoulder, making him say and do things he knew were so fucked up.

Nick was right. It was time to grow up. He’d tried to tell his parents. It hadn’t worked. Oh well. At least he’d done it. He’d come clean with everyone. He’d hurt Kaelin, but once again, that was for the best. Sleeping with her hadn’t been the smartest thing he’d ever done. But it had been the hottest. And the most incredibly emotional and moving and…forget it.

Maybe after his parents thought about it, they’d realize he was telling the truth. Or maybe not. But at least he’d done it, and whatever the outcome was, he’d deal with it. Having the respect and love of his parents would be nice, but he could live without it and at least he now had the satisfaction and self-respect of knowing he’d made an effort and tried to set things right.

The only thing that worried him was what the fallout was going to be from Kaelin’s impetuous confession. If word got out about her, she was going to find life in Mapleglen difficult. He gnawed on the inside of his cheek as he drove and thought about that. About what he could do about that.

Not much.

Dammit. Why the fuck had she done that? Pressure built inside him again, thinking about it, wishing she was there so he could turn her over his knee and spank her cute little ass. Gah.

Once they were home and in their apartment, Nick opened the refrigerator and stared into it. “Got nothing to eat,” he said.

“Order pizza,” Tyler said, heading into his bedroom to change. He tossed jeans and T-shirt into the hamper and found a pair of baggy shorts and a clean shirt. When he returned to the living room, Nick had changed too, into similar clothes.

“Pizza’ll be here in forty minutes,” he said. He threw himself onto the couch. “You ready to talk yet? I thought your head was gonna explode on the way home, you were thinking so hard.”

Tyler smiled reluctantly and sat beside Nick. “I don’t want to talk.”

“I know.”

Tyler eyed his buddy. “I did what you wanted me to.”

“Yeah.” Nick nodded. “You faced your parents, told them the truth.”

“I don’t think they believed me.”

Nick held his gaze. “You can’t control that. But at least you manned up and did your part.”

“Yeah.”

After a pause, Nick said, “What about Kaelin?”

“What about her?”

“You were pretty hard on her.”

“I was pissed at her! Why’d she do that, the stupid little idiot!”

“She’s not stupid. And you know why she did it.”

Tyler blew out a breath. “Yeah, I know, and like I said, she’s a stupid idiot to even think of doing something like that for me.”

Nick sighed.

Kaelin sat on the small deck off the back of her house on Monday, the house she’d grown up in, the house her parents had left her after they’d both died. She could have sold it, bought herself something that was her own, and in fact she wasn’t sure why she hadn’t. It was an older house and there were always things that needed fixing that she didn’t know how to do. Money had been tight with her dad not working and she’d had to do a lot of fixing up over the last few years.

Yeah, there were happy memories there, but there were some tough ones, too, the despair and frustration of realizing her dad was never going to be the same, the embarrassment of him acting like a child sometimes, so difficult to handle for a teenager who didn’t like to attract attention to herself. Eventually she’d come to terms with it, realized she still loved her dad because he was her dad, even though he was really a different person, and no longer felt embarrassed but just accepted him for who he was.

She’d have the memories of her happy childhood no matter where she lived, so that wasn’t the reason she didn’t sell the house and move. She knew it was just because she was safe and secure there, with a roof over her head that was paid for, and that selling the house and finding a new place was scary.

Taz leaped off the deck and tore after a squirrel who’d dared to enter his yard, his sharp little bark deceptively ferocious. He stood at the foot of the maple tree, barking so hard all four feet lifted off the ground. She smiled. “C’mere, Taz,” she called. “Come.”

Taz turned and trotted back to her, leaped lightly onto her lap and put his little front feet on her chest to try to kiss her. She turned her head and let him lick her chin, then picked him up and hugged his solid, furry little body. She closed her eyes then set Taz on the deck.

She picked up her glass of iced tea and sipped it. The grass needed cutting. One more thing that needed to be done. Sometimes she paid Dillon down the street to cut it for her. Maybe she should go see if he was home. Summer vacation and its long empty days had kids his age, too young for a job but old enough to want to make a little money, looking for things like that to do.

Maybe in a while. She still felt tired, so tired, after that crazy weekend. Much of it was emotional exhaustion, she knew. She hadn’t taken Avery’s advice yet, hadn’t let herself think about Tyler because…she was afraid.

Shaking her head, she rose to her feet. Never mind finding Dillon, she’d cut the grass herself. She needed to keep busy, her two weeks of vacation stretching out empty in front of her giving her a hollow aching feeling inside. Actually her whole life stretched out empty in front of her. And the hollow ache intensified. But as she stepped off the deck, Margot Wirth appeared at her gate.

“Hi, Kaelin.”

Kaelin’s feet halted in surprise. “Hi, Mrs. Wirth. How are you? Is there something you need?” She thought about wedding decorations and flowers and gifts…was there something she’d forgotten to do?

“No. Just to talk to you for a few minutes. If that’s okay.”

Kaelin studied Mrs. Wirth’s face, the tension in her mouth and at the corners of her eyes, the shadows beneath her eyes. “Of course.” This had to be about yesterday. Geez. Mrs. Wirth was probably angry at her for her part in that big scene. Great. “Can I get you something to drink? Lemonade? Coffee?”

“No thanks. I’m fine.”

“Let’s sit.” Kaelin indicated the wicker chairs on her deck.

Mrs. Wirth took a seat, setting her designer handbag on the deck. She clasped her fingers together in her lap. “How are you, dear? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Kaelin hesitated. “How are you?” She regarded her friend’s mother with a touch of worry. Yesterday probably hadn’t been a real fun day at the Wirth home.

“I’m okay.” She gave a small smile. “I’m sorry that you got dragged into our family mess yesterday.”

Kaelin blinked. “Well. I sort of contributed to it.”

Mrs. Wirth’s smile went crooked. “You were very brave yesterday.”

Now Kaelin’s mouth fell open. “Um. Brave?”

“What you did was very…noble. For Tyler.”

“I just thought everyone should know the truth.”

“Yes. The truth is important.” She hesitated. “I want to tell you something. About me.”

“Okay.” Kaelin eyed her.

“When I was twenty, I got pregnant. With Avery. It was an accident. I was in college. Ken was much older and he insisted we get married. He wanted me to drop out of college and stay home with the baby. I was young, and in some ways, it was nice to have someone look after me, and Avery. Ken was a doctor and he made good money and I thought it would be a good life, married to him.”

Kaelin processed all this, a little mystified, not sure what to say.

“And it has been a good life. I love my husband and I love my children. Once Avery was born, I just wanted to be the best mother I could be. But it wasn’t what I pictured my life to be, when I was a twenty-year-old college student. And despite everything I’ve had, I’ve often felt a little…empty. As if I wanted more, which I told myself was just selfish and greedy. Considering how much I had.” Again she paused, then met Kaelin’s eyes. “I see some of that in you.”

Kaelin sat back in her chair, dropping her gaze to her knees. “Oh. Well.”

“You don’t have to tell me about it,” Mrs. Wirth said quickly. “I know you’ve had to give up things in your life. I also know you’re happy here, in some ways. But, Kaelin, dear, if there are things in life that you want, you should go after them. Now. Before you’re fifty years old and wondering what you’ve done with your life.”

Like her? Kaelin’s head spun, her image of Mrs. Wirth being turned inside out. She’d always been so perfect, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, with the perfect home. The idea that Mrs. Wirth felt this way boggled the mind.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” she said, in a near-whisper.

“Yes you are.” Mrs. Wirth gazed at her shrewdly.

Kaelin wanted to squirm in her chair. Mrs. Wirth knew a lot about her, after the last couple of days. Things she never would have dreamed of telling her. And yet, still she looked at her with affection and understanding. Kaelin’s throat tightened.

“I can’t…I’m afraid,” she choked out.

“What are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid because I want things I can’t have. And I’m afraid I want things I can have. And that scares me even more.”

“I don’t think you need to be as afraid as you are,” Mrs. Wirth said. “Are you worried about your job?”

“Yes.” She bit her lip. “If this gets out…”

“People love you, Kaelin. You might be surprised.” She rose to her feet. “I have to go.” She opened her arms for a hug and Kaelin too rose from her chair and went into her arms. “Think about what I said, okay?” She drew back and smiled at Kaelin.

“Yes. I will.”

Mrs. Wirth picked up her purse and left, and for some reason Kaelin felt like Mrs. Wirth was saying goodbye for a long time. Weird.

In a daze, she headed toward the garage where she kept her lawnmower. Cutting the grass didn’t stop her brain from working, though, as she pushed the mower back and forth over the small lawn first out front then in back. She kept hearing Mrs. Wirth’s words about going after what she wanted, and Nick’s words about whether she’d find that “something wilder” she wanted in Mapleglen and Avery’s words about Tyler caring about her. Avery had told her to think about why he’d been so angry at her. Yesterday. Saturday night. Ten years ago.

Could Avery be right? Could it be because he cared? But if he cared about her, why? Why would he push her away like that? Did Mrs. Wirth think the same thing?

She remembered pieces of their conversation that night in the hotel room, about how he never could live up to his parents’ expectations so he’d given up trying. About how it was easier to just let them think the worst of him. How she’d accused him of mocking her to make up for his own insecurities.

Her feet slowed and stopped in the middle of the yard as she stared at the big maple tree in the corner. Did he really think so little of himself that he thought he didn’t deserve to be loved? Had his parents really done that much of a number on him?

And yet he’d made such a life for himself—put himself through college, begun a successful career in a tough industry in a big city. She’d seen his accomplishments in those secret internet searches—the awards he’d won, the big advertising campaigns he’d been a part of, magazine articles about him even.

He’d been angry the night of the wedding after his parents had asked him to leave, and yeah, maybe some of that had been misplaced and directed at her when she’d come after him along with Nick. But maybe he really had been angry because she was putting her reputation at risk by doing that.

Her reputation. She rolled her eyes then realized she was still standing in the middle of the yard and pushed forward again. What exactly was a reputation anyway? Mrs. Wirth had said that people loved her. People who cared about her knew her and knew if she was a good or a bad person. People had judged her dad after his injury, because he was different, but he wasn’t a bad person because of it.

She wasn’t going to run away from Mapleglen because of that. If they fired her over some rumors that nobody could prove, she’d sue them for wrongful dismissal. If people didn’t want to talk to her or didn’t want her to visit them at the seniors’ home, that was their problem. She’d lived through people looking at them and talking about them and feeling sorry for them once before when her dad had been hurt, and she could do it again.

If she left Mapleglen it wasn’t going to be because of that. It wasn’t going to be because she was running away in fear. It was going to be because she was brave enough to start over.

She felt a compelling need to see Tyler again. And Nick. To reassure them of that. So they knew that even though she’d done what she had, to her it didn’t really seem like any kind of sacrifice. She wanted Tyler’s parents to know the truth and so she’d told it.

There was no reason she couldn’t go to Chicago for a few days.

Other than Taz. She gazed at her little dog and bit her lip. What would she do with him? She couldn’t put him in a kennel. She just couldn’t. Maybe one of the neighbors…

“Hi, Kaelin.”

She looked up to see Dillon standing at her gate. “Hey, Dillon. How are you?”

Taz ran to the boy, tail wagging, yipping excitedly. Dillon grinned and held out a hand to Taz to sniff, then bent and picked him up. “I came to see if you wanted your lawn mowed, but I guess I’m too late.”

She smiled back at him. “Yeah. I’m just about finished for today. But how would you feel about dog sitting? And maybe a regular job cutting the grass for the next while. I’m thinking of going on a little trip.”