Текст книги "Music of the Heart"
Автор книги: Katie Ashley
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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
Of course, the songs I wrote from that hellish experience propelled Runaway Train to stardom. I hadn’t opened myself up to another girl since then, and I sure as hell couldn’t now with everything in my world spinning out of control. I couldn’t let the feelings I was experiencing for Abby take hold.
After collecting myself as best I could, I left the bathroom and headed for the breakfast buffet. Filling my plate to the brim, I then turned and went in search of somewhere to sit. At the sight of Abby seated with the other guys, I quickly side-stepped their table to plop down with Frank and some of the roadies. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Abby’s quizzical expression turn almost wounded.
Her reaction caused me to spear my French toast with a little more determination than I should have. Yeah, I was a bastard for ignoring her after everything we had been through the night before and this morning. But I couldn’t keep opening up to her and feeling what I did. It had fucking train wreck written all over it.
“You okay today?” Frank asked.
“Fine,” I muttered through my bacon.
“Jake…”
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
“Okay, son.” After taking a thoughtful sip of his coffee, he drew in a ragged breath. “Just so you know, your mom called me this morning.”
I choked on my orange juice. After succumbing to a coughing fit, I questioned, “She did?”
Frank nodded. “She knows that Sally called you, and she wanted me to make sure I kept an eye out for you. She’s afraid you’ll be…destructive.”
The agonizing thought of my mom dying once again sliced through to my soul, and I fought to breathe. Nausea crashed over me, and I feared I was about to heave up my breakfast. I knew I had to talk to her again. So I tumbled out of my chair and sprinted out of the diner. When she answered the phone, I demanded, “Why?”
Mama sighed. “I thought it was for the best.”
“You thought not telling your only child that you’re dying is for the best? Do you know how sick and warped that is?”
“I didn’t want to upset you with just a few weeks left on your tour.”
A frustrated growl came from low in my throat. “For once, would you stop putting me and everyone else first? This is the time to be fucking selfish. I mean, you’re…” Closing my eyes, I still couldn’t bring myself to say the words again.
“Honey, there will be plenty of time for us to say our goodbyes when you get off the road.”
“Fuck that. I’m coming home now.”
“No, Jacob, you’re not.”
“Look, the guys are all in agreement. Hell, Rhys is even ready to use what little law school he had to go toe to toe with the execs if they give us any shit about it.”
“I’m still your mother, and I say no.”
A tormented sob choked off in my throat. I gripped the phone tight against my ear as I tried to hold my emotions and sanity in check. “But we don’t have that much time left together. How can you be so fucking cruel and deny me one moment with you?”
“Jacob, your language is absolutely atrocious!” she chided.
“Stop it! I don’t wanna hear about the wrong I’m doing, okay?”
“Look, these are hard times on everyone, sweetheart. There are a lot of people who work for you and they depend on you and so do their families.” When I started to protest, she sighed. “I’m a mess right now, honey—both emotionally and physically. I don’t want you seeing me like this. Before I knew for sure if it was terminal, I started treatment again just in case. It’s wrecked me. So give me a few weeks, okay?” At her sniffling, I broke down myself. “Sweetheart, I want more than anything to have a month or two just to be your mother and take care of you before you have to take care of me.”
Tears streamed down my cheeks when I thought about everything she was going through just to have time to be a mom to me. “Why do you have to be like this?”
She chuckled. “Jacob, it’s that stubbornness that we both share, remember?”
“I love you…God, do I love you,” I blubbered.
“I know, baby. As high as the sky, remember?”
I was crying so hard I couldn’t respond. Even though she couldn’t see me, I bobbed my head in acknowledgement of the phrase she had taught me as a child.
You know how much I love you, Jacob?
As high as the sky, Mama!
That’s right, sweet boy.
“Jacob,” my mother began in the soft, soothing voice she’d used since I was a child. “I know it’s hard, but try to put all this behind you. Focus on your music. Find escape in it, and for the next three weeks, give your audiences the best shows you possibly can. And each night you do, rest assured that you’re making me proud for your strength and courage.”
With the backs of my hands, I tried wiping off the tear-stained, snot-filled mess my face had become. “Okay, I’ll try.”
“That’s my boy. I’ll call you each and every day.”
“You better.”
“I will. I love you, honey.”
“I love you too.”
And with that she was gone. Doubling over, I rested my palms on my knees. My body heaved and shook as I tried to get myself together.
“Jake?”
Pinching my eyes shut, I willed her to go away. I couldn’t deal with her period, especially not like this. “Not now,” I muttered.
She snaked her arms around my waist. “Baby, what’s wrong?” Bree crooned into my ear.
“Shit that you wouldn’t possibly understand. Besides, I just told you I don’t wanna fucking talk about it, okay?”
Slinking around me, Bree tucked her finger under my chin and forced me to look at her. “Oh Jake, you look like hell.”
“Thanks,” I grunted.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it yesterday. Trust me, if you’re going to get like this when I go away, I’ll just quit my job,” she teased.
“You barely work as it is. It’s a wonder you don’t get fired as much as you call in.”
She laughed. “That’s the perk of working for your granddaddy’s towing service. It’s hard to fire family.”
“Whatever.”
“Besides, he likes being able to tell everyone that I’m cutting off work to go hang-out with Jake Slater of Runaway Train.”
I fought the urge to say that her grandfather was pretty sketchy to enjoy the fact she was a glorified groupie, joining up with me at different tour stops.
Bree’s tongue flicked across my earlobe, causing me to shiver. “I could work on you full-time. Cause trust me baby, it’s a buzzkill having a real job that keeps me away from you and that fantastic cock of yours,” she drawled. The lust in her voice caused my traitorous dick to twitch.
“Is that right?”
“Mmm, hmm.” A cat-like smile curved on her lips. “You miss me?”
The truth was I hadn’t. Sure, I missed the sex, but there would never, ever be anything stronger between me and Bree. But I desperately needed an emotional escape right now, and the only thing I could think of was screwing my problems out of my mind. “Yeah, I did.”
“Hmm, wanna show me how much when we get back on the bus?”
“Yeah, but first I need to get fucked up.”
She chuckled. “It’s barely ten o’clock, Jake.”
“I don’t give a shit. Go tell your dad I want his flask—the one with the good stuff in it.”
“Okaaay, if you say so.” She ran her hands up my chest. “Just don’t get too wasted where you can’t make me scream at least three times.”
I forced a smile to my lips. “Now why would I want to do that?”
***
I could only push around the food on my plate after Jake refused to sit at my table. I tried reasoning that it wasn’t really a slight against me. Maybe he needed some space after AJ’s dig about our writing session or maybe he wanted time with the roadies and crew. He’d obviously already opened up to me far more than with anyone else, so I guess he needed time to process it all. I had to remember that I would be a total bitch if I laid too much fault with him considering he was going through hell right now with his mother’s illness.
We’d barely known each other twenty-four hours, so he didn’t owe me anything. But deep down, his behavior pierced through my heart to sting my soul. If I allowed myself, I could really feel something for him—something more than sympathy or compassion. I could even maybe grow to…like him.
When I saw Jake fly out of his chair and storm out of the diner, it took everything within me not to go after him. Instead, I tried focusing on Brayden’s stories about his children or how Rhys’s parents had almost disowned him after he gave up his Ivy-League background to pursue life with the band. AJ remained conspicuously silent, and from time to time, I would cut my eyes to catch him staring at me.
As we started back to the bus, he grabbed my arm. When I turned back, his expression was pained. “You’re starting to like Jake, aren’t you?”
“No! Why would you ask such a thing?”
The corners of his lips quirked up in a sly grin. “Call it my Latin intuition.”
“Wait, I thought it was supposed to be Irish institution.”
“Are you saying we Mexicans can’t have it too?”
A relieved giggle escaped my lips. “Yeah, I guess you can.”
AJ laughed. “Whatever it is, I meant what I said.” When I started to protest, he held up his hand. “You know, it’s crazy, but after I met you, I thought I might try to be a one– woman-man for a while. See if your angelic nature couldn’t tame me.” He winked to which I rolled my eyes but laughed in spite of myself. “But after last night and this morning, I realized there isn’t any point.” As the wind whipped the long strands of my hair into my face, AJ reached over and pushed it away. “I could go all medieval and fight for you, but there’s no point. You and Jake seem to have this magnetic pull.”
Before I could stop myself, I gave a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, well, I call bullshit on your little magnetic theory considering he steered right past my table this morning. Not to mention he let that waitress from the diner…” Warmth flooded my cheeks as I realized I’d said too much.
AJ shook his head. “This morning was my fault for giving Jake shit about the songwriting. And the waitress…well, you got him worked up, and I’m sure she was more than willing to take care of it for him because he’s Jake Slater of Runaway Train, not because he’s Jake this good-looking guy who has a lot of unattractive demons he’s dealing with.”
Glancing down, I scuffed my boots against the uneven pavement. “Look, AJ, I appreciate your honesty, but I don’t think anything is going to happen with me and Jake.” Before he could say anything else, I held up my hand. “And nothing is happening with you either. I want us to stay friends, okay?”
“Of course, Angel. Anything you want.” He then wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me to the bus. Frank and Brayden stood in the galley while Rhys was sprawled out on the couch.
“Okay, I’m going to make a quick grocery run, and then we’ll get back on the road,” Frank said. He glanced around the inside of the bus. “Where’s Jake? I thought he might like to go with me?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since breakfast,” Brayden replied.
Frank grimaced. “Lemme go look for him.”
Brayden exchanged a knowing glance with Frank. “I’ll come with you.”
While they went in search of Jake, AJ glanced at me. “Wanna play some video games, Angel?”
I wrinkled my nose. “No thanks, I think I’m good. I’ll do a little studying.”
“Suit yourself.” AJ shoved Rhys’s legs off the couch. “You down to get your ass whipped, dude?”
“Yeah, right, douchebag. You know I wipe the floor with you each and every time,” Rhys replied.
As they settled in for a raucous Call of Duty marathon, I headed down the hall to the bedroom. I dug out my giant study packet for my nursing exam along with some of my books from my suitcase. I came back to the living area and plopped down. I lounged on the couch, balancing my opened Anatomy and Physiology book on my knees while AJ and Rhys shouted obscenities at each other’s game characters.
Fifteen minutes passed before a red-faced and out-of-breath Brayden appeared. He stalked up the stairs, muttering something under his breath. After flopping down across from me, he jerked up the magazine on the table. With his shaky hands, I could tell he was pissed about something.
It was then Jake staggered up the bus stairs with a leggy, dark-haired goddess. I couldn’t help but gasp as pain crisscrossed through my chest. The sight of him with another girl—one that I couldn’t possibly compete with when it came to sex appeal—caused me to heave in a few desperate breaths. The knife I felt that was wedged in my chest twisted further at the sight of him so wasted. The Jake swaying to and fro in front of me wasn’t the Jake I’d held as he cried or the one who I had made music with this morning. But it hurt just as bad that he had forgotten my very existence. Almost too quickly to believe, he had cemented back up any of his walls I’d managed to break down.
Good one, Abby. You actually thought by comforting Jake and writing a song with him he would magically be a different guy? Fat freakin’ chance there. Jake Slater will always only want one thing from women, and that’s sex. He’s like the Sexual Major leagues, and you’re not even a farm team.
I was jolted out of my self-deprecating internal monologue by the goddess’s arm snaking around Jake’s waist while her tongue licked up his neck. His gaze flickered over to mine before he turned back to the guys. “I call the bedroom.”
“You had the bedroom yesterday,” AJ argued.
“Easy, grumpy, I won’t need it that long,” Jake replied, a sexy smile curving on his lips.
“You underestimate your stamina, babe,” the dark haired girl replied. I couldn’t help the squeak that escaped my lips when her hand left his waist to cup his fly, working Jake over his jeans.
“Take it to the bedroom. There’s a lady present,” Brayden snapped over his magazine.
When the bulge started to grow, Jake cut his glassy eyes over to me again. I flushed and buried my head in my book. “You’re welcome to join us, Angel. Bree doesn’t mind sharing me, do you?”
I jerked my chin up. So this was Bree—the groupie he had mistaken me for in his bed.
She eyed me and shrugged. “As long as I get off, I don’t care.” But her body language told me that she was all about keeping Jake for herself, and she would as soon scratch my eyes out as let me touch Jake.
“Whatta ya say? Want me to break you in real quick? Show you what it’s like to be with a man finally?” Jake slurred.
I gasped in horror while AJ shot off the couch. A low growl erupted from his throat before he shoved Jake with all his might, sending Jake staggering backwards. “You’re a drunken jackass! You’re stepping over the line with Abby, not to mention your bargain with her.”
“Oh really?” Jake countered.
AJ cocked his brows. “Yeah, especially after last night, not to mention this morning.”
The thoughts of what had transpired between us seemed to sober Jake a little, and his smirk faded. A combination of remorse and embarrassment entered his face.
I patted AJ’s arm that was shaking from anger. “Stop, it’s okay. While I appreciate the machismo ferocity, I can take care of myself.” Rising up from my chair, I then stepped in front of Jake. “Thank you so much for your offer, but your vile suggestion of ‘breaking me in’, as well as the drunken state you’re currently in, not only makes me want to vomit, but it makes my skin crawl too. Trust me that you would be the last man on earth I would ever let be my first.”
Jake glowered back at me before he jerked Bree forward down the narrow hallway and then slammed the bedroom door.
“He can be such a prick,” Rhys grumbled from the couch.
Trying not to show how hurt I was, I quickly added, “Yeah, but he’s hurting a lot right now about his mom.”
AJ threw his hands up in exasperation. “So that excuses him for getting drunk off his ass before noon and for treating you like a sleazy asshole?”
I forced a reassuringly smile to my lips at his skeptical expression. “It’s fine. Really.”
But then it became very plain that the noises from the bedroom were so not fine. Moans and shrieks echoed through the cabin from the bedroom. A warm flush poured over my cheeks and inched down my neck. I gripped the edges of my book tighter, desperately wanting to crawl into a hole and die rather than to hear the sounds of Jake screwing Bree. There was also the fact that the guys seemed totally unaffected by the noises coming from the bedroom.
“Here. These seem to help,” AJ suggested, handing me two ear plugs.
I eyed them as Jake gave another long groan. “Oh yeah, suck me harder, babe!”
“Um, on second thought, I think I’ll go get some fresh air.” I scrambled off the couch and raced down the aisle. The moment I got off the bus I exhaled noisily. Bending over, I rested my elbows on my knees and tried to clear my mind of what I had heard. Once I recovered, I started putting as much distance between myself and the bus as possible.
My mind whirled with out-of-control thoughts. What was I thinking agreeing to stay on the bus with three perfect strangers and one unimaginable, insensitive, womanzing asshole? I can’t do this. I cannot look at Jake again, least of all stay on the bus with him. I’ll just give in and lose the bet.
Craning my neck, I tried to decipher whether this would be a good enough place for me to stay when the bus pulled out. I scowled as I realized we were out in the middle of nowhere and probably miles and miles away from the nearest airport. I seriously doubted taxis came out here either.
A black SUV screeched up beside me. Thankfully the window rolled down to reveal Frank. “Hey Angel, what are you doing out here?”
“Oh, I, um, just needed a little fresh air.”
He gave me a knowing smile. “Jake getting frisky with Bree?”
I flushed while ducking my head. “You could say that.”
He chuckled. “Come on then. You can go into town with me and get some groceries. I swear those boys go through food faster than I can buy it!”
“Sounds like my brothers,” I replied with a smile. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“It’d be my pleasure.”
“Okay then.” I opened the door on the Tahoe and hopped inside. After I buckled my seatbelt, Frank gave me a wink. “You know my motives weren’t all sincere, Angel.”
“Oh really?”
He grinned as he put his foot down on the accelerator. “Yeah, I figure the trip will go faster if I put you to work with the list.”
I giggled. “I thought as much.”
As we sped out of the bus lot and onto the highway, my curiosity about Bree got the better of me. Fidgeting in my seat, I turned to Frank. “So what’s the deal with Jake and Bree?”
He exhaled noisily. “That girl is nothing but trouble, and the last thing Jake needs is more trouble in his life. I mean, a part of me feels sorry for her. It wasn’t like she had the best parents in the world.”
“Oh?” I asked casually, trying to goad him for more information.
“You haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her father yet?”
“He works for Runaway Train?”
“Yep. Lyle’s a roadie like me.” Frank wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Well, you could say he’s only risen as far as he has by using Bree to get to rockers.”
I gasped. “Seriously? He like…pimps her?”
Frank chuckled. “Oh Angel, I can’t believe you just said that.” He glanced over at me. “It’s not like he’s officially prostituting her. She has always willing gone to all the guys and offered herself. She joins Lyle along the stops—somehow she has the money to travel as much as she does. Lately, she has her eye on one particular rocker, and no one else will do, which couldn’t make her daddy prouder.”
A knot suddenly formed in my throat, and I hated myself for it. “Jake?”
He nodded. “Of course, Jake really doesn’t care about her—he’s never cared about any of the girls he’s been with since the band made it big. They’re just objects for him to fulfill a need.” He gave a wry smile. “And does that boy ever have needs.”
My mind was assaulted by the horrible flashback of Jake’s bedroom antics. “Yeah, he does. Too bad that gets in the way of him actually being a decent guy.”
Frank jerked his gaze away from the road to pin me with a surprised stare. “Don’t tell me you’re falling for Jake’s charms”
I squirmed in my seat. “I just said he wasn’t a total jerk.” Frank obviously cared for Jake, so it wasn’t like I could say everything I was feeling about him, which mainly consisted of what a complete and total asshole Jake was. So to curb my tongue I tried focusing on Jake’s breakdown last night and our songwriting session rather than his behavior with Bree. “I mean, any guy who loves and adores his mother so much can’t totally be terrible to all women, right?” Obviously he can by the way he just pretended to be interested in you and then tossed you aside for someone who will give him what he really wants—sex.
“I’m glad you can see through his tough façade to the real man inside. I mean, I love him like he was one of my sons, and I couldn’t do that if I didn’t know what he was really like.”
We rode along the highway in silence for a few minutes before Frank cleared his throat. From the way he fidgeted in his seat, I knew he was about to bring up something that made him beyond uncomfortable. “You know, Jake could really use a girl like you.”
I stared at him in surprise. “I would laugh, but you’re not joking, are you?” When he shook his head, I mumbled under my breath, “First AJ and now you.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“I’m more than serious about what I said. Jake is going through such a difficult time right now, and what’s to come is even worse. He doesn’t need darkness like Bree.” He turned to smile at me. “He needs light, and damn if you don’t have such a beautiful light about you, Angel.”
“Yeah, well, considering he asked me to join him and Bree for sex ten minutes ago, I don’t think he truly cares anything about my light unless it’s between my legs!”
As his eyes bulged in horror, Frank sucked in a breath. “Oh God,” I murmured before ducking my head in mortification. Had I actually just told Frank that? Twenty-four hours on a bus with a bunch of raunchy guys had completely taken over all of the manners my parents had instilled in me. “I’m so sorry. That was totally uncalled for.”
“I, erm,…” he stammered.
Warmth filled my cheeks. “What I should have said is that while I appreciate the sentiment, Jake is never going to be interested in a girl like me. We’re so different, and we want different things out of the people we date.” I winced. “I mean, Jake doesn’t date.”
Frank took a few moments to absorb my comments. “He could if he was given the chance.”
I snorted contemptuously. “Are we talking about the same guy here?”
“Why do I have the sneaking suspicion that your feelings and reactions might have been a tad different if we’d had this conversation this morning?”
Before I could bite my lip or hold my tongue, I blurted, “I’m not being a spiteful little bitch. You don’t know how much it hurts that he ignored me all morning and then chose Bree, okay?”
“Aw, Angel, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned anything.”
“It’s okay. You were just trying to look out for Jake. But even if he hadn’t done what he did and actually gave me the time of day for longer than a minute, I don’t know if I could deal with the Brees of Jake’s life.”
Frank pulled into a teeming Wal-Mart parking lot. After he put the SUV in park, he cut the ignition and turned to me. “Look, when it comes right down to it, I’m just an old fart widower who doesn’t know much but the love of my high school sweetheart. But I’ve seen the way Jake looks at you—” When I opened my mouth to protest, he held up his hand. “And no, it’s more than just you’re a piece of meat he wants to devour.” He smiled. “He’s seen past the pretty packaged outside to see the beauty within. I guarantee whatever he was doing with Bree this afternoon was about more than just his needs. He wanted to get you off his mind.” At my continued apprehension, he swung the keys back and forth on his finger. “So do an old man a favor and keep an open mind along with an extra forgiving heart when it comes to Jake, okay?”
I fiddled with the door handle, trying to avoid Frank’s intense stare. “I can try, but I’m not making any promises.”
A wide grin curved on Frank’s face. “Good, I’m glad to hear it. And if it doesn’t work out, I’ve got a son not too much older than you.”
I laughed. “Do you ever stop with the matchmaking?”
“Nope.” He opened his door. “Come on. Let’s go get the boys some food.”
***
