Текст книги "Endless"

Автор книги: Kate Brian

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

Willingly

I stared at Krista, feeling Steven Nell’s awful breath warming the back of my neck. She was the accomplice? It wasn’t possible. She was my friend. My best friend. I’d treated her like a sister, and she had done the same for me. How could she have done this? How could she have tried to pin everything on me, dragged my family to the Shadowlands, plotted behind our backs, and lied to our faces?

Krista smoothed her wet hair back from her face and lifted her chin as she stared me down. But she was still Krista. Still a sweet, pretty girl who wanted nothing more than to be everyone’s friend.

Wasn’t she?

“I can’t just take her. You know that,” Steven Nell said, his watery eyes flicking over Krista like she was beneath his notice. “Rory Miller must come willingly.”

He held his right arm around my middle like a vise, my back against his torso, and reached up to run his frigid, dry knuckles down my cheek. I could feel the random stubble on his chin pinching my skull through my hair as my head rubbed up against it. Bile rose up in the back of my throat. I squirmed, trying to wrench away from him, but he was strong. So much stronger than he’d been in life.

“Krista?” I said, pulse pounding furiously in my veins. Every inch of my body trembled, which pissed me off. I hated showing fear in front of Nell. “What the hell is going on?”

From the corner of my eye, I saw something shift in the darkness. A whisper of a figure. My father? Darcy? Could I still save them?

“I just want to go home,” Krista said simply. “I don’t belong here.”

“That’s what this is about?” I demanded. “You getting to go to your damn prom?”

“Don’t you get it, Rory? I wasn’t supposed to die,” Krista snapped, bending at the waist. “You know it. I know it. And that night I brought Steven Nell up here, he told me the universe knew it, too. That it upsets the balance when someone takes their life by mistake. So he made me an offer. He wanted you for his eternal pet, but the Shadowlands won’t just take a goody-goody Lifer like you unless you come willingly. And he knew how to make that happen.”

“What about Darcy? She didn’t come willingly,” I said.

Krista smirked. “You forget: She wasn’t a Lifer yet. Not officially.”

“You’re insane,” I said, shaking my head, trying to pull away as Nell stroked my hair. “There’s nothing that could make me sign up for an eternity with him.”

“Oh, I think you will,” Nell said lightly.

He lifted a lock of my hair and slowly drew it under his nose, sniffing it. A disgusting shudder of sheer pleasure rocked his entire body before he reverently touched it to his lips. My bottom lip wobbled and I closed my eyes, trying not to give Nell the satisfaction of hearing me sob.

“He gave me the tainted coins. He told me that if I ushered eighteen souls to the Shadowlands, including your little family”—Krista spat the word as if it had singed her tongue—“I could have what I wanted. I could have my life back. I got Pete to help me because I knew I couldn’t overpower those people alone. Told him the Shadowlands would repay him for his hard work, too.”

“What did you promise him?” I bit out.

“He wanted to see his brother again. Kid died when Pete was only eight years old. So I told him he could go to the Light and see him.” Krista shrugged.

“And I’m guessing you never intended to deliver on that promise.”

Krista smirked. “How could I? I’m just little old me. Little old persuasive me. It was just too bad Cori followed me, when I went to meet up with Pete that night after he ‘disappeared,’ and overheard us together. It really sucked, having to push her off that cliff.”

My throat burned, and tears stung my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Couldn’t believe it was coming from Krista Parrish’s mouth.

“Why eighteen souls?” I asked. “Why take my family?”

“Because he knew if I did that, he’d be able to cut another deal. With you.”

I swallowed hard. My scalp tingled every time Nell’s fingernails brushed my hair. “What?” I asked. “What deal?”

Krista took a step forward. Her eyes looked dead as she tilted her chin and got right in my face. “Your eternal soul for theirs.”

My heart free-fell into my stomach. Nell started to laugh. I felt the breath of it against my ear. His scrawny body shook from the force of it, jarring against mine in fits and starts. I turned my head to gaze into the endless black. My family was in there somewhere, and I was the only one who could save them.

As long as I sacrificed myself.

Not that it was even a choice. Was there any way I could ever choose myself over them? They wouldn’t even be dead if it weren’t for me. If I hadn’t gotten away from Nell that day in the woods, Darcy and Dad would still be alive. They’d be sad without me, sure, but they’d be alive and they’d move on. Instead, their lives were over and they’d just logged a few days in hell to boot, thanks to little old me.

The choice was clear. If it was either me suffering forever in the Shadowlands, or them, I picked me.

I looked down at my feet, a steely cold resolve coming over me. I knew they didn’t deserve to be here, but in the end, in truth, didn’t I? Nell might have been an evil bringer of death, but he was still a living human being, and I had killed him. I had done it on purpose. I had done it with malice in my heart. I had relished the act of it. In that moment, murdering him had felt good. It had felt right.

My dad and Darcy didn’t belong in the Shadowlands. But maybe I did.

I closed my eyes and pictured my father, Darcy, my mom. In my mind’s eye, I looked at each of them, solidifying their images in my mind, and said good-bye.

“No, Rory!” I heard Darcy scream, though whether it was real or imagined, I had no idea. “No! Don’t do it! Please!”

I blocked out her appeals, which made what I was about to do that much easier.

I opened my mouth to say it. To say yes, I would willingly go to the Shadowlands if the innocents would be set free. I looked up at Nell. His awful grin widened, deepening the lines on his face.

“I—”

“Rory, no!” Tristan’s voice shouted. “Don’t do it! It’s a trap!”

A Chance

Tristan and Joaquin appeared out of the mist. Krista reeled around, yelling, and struck out at Joaquin. His eyes widened in surprise, but he reacted quickly. He grabbed her arm, pinned it to her side, and kicked her legs out from under her, shoving her face-first to the ground.

“What the hell is going on?” Joaquin asked me.

“She’s the one who’s been sending people to the Shadowlands,” I said. “It was Krista the whole time.”

Tristan and Joaquin exchanged a look, as if this didn’t entirely surprise them.

“So Liam was telling the truth,” Tristan said.

Joaquin knelt beside Krista, his lips a millimeter from her ear. “If I were you, I’d stay the hell down.”

Then he shoved himself up and placed his foot on the small of her back.

“Rory.” Tristan reached for me, but Nell pulled me back, a few steps farther into the abyss. I eyed Tristan desperately, wishing there was some way he could save me from this, like he’d saved me from so many other awful moments. But not even Tristan could fix this.

“Rory, listen to me. It was a setup,” he said quickly. “Bea found Liam. It turns out he and Pete knew each other in the other world, and that was why they always acted so weird around each other. Liam didn’t tell us, because he thought his connection to Pete might make us suspect him, and Pete didn’t want to get Liam involved. But last night Krista let him go, hoping to distract us with another manhunt. He was with Lalani in her room by the docks, and he’s fine.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s good,” I said, trying as hard as I could to cling to something positive. At least Liam would be okay. Eventually. At least my first instincts about him had been correct.

“Pete’s so-called confession was a setup,” Tristan continued. “They wanted you to be alone—or sort of alone—when you heard it. Pete said Krista helped the Tse twins escape the mayor earlier and got them riled up again. The mob was just a distraction for the rest of us to deal with so she could get you to go into the jail alone and he could blurt it out to you—make you come up here. None of this is real.”

“What about my family?” I said, glancing over my shoulder at the abyss. “They’re real. And I can save them, Tristan.”

“You don’t know that.” His voice was a high-pitched croak, his eyes rimmed with red. “We’re talking about pure evil here, Rory. You really think you can trust anything he says? Anything they say?” he added, looking from Nell to Krista. “How do you know you don’t say yes and then you’re all just stuck here forever?”

The heavy reality of this possibility settled in over my shoulders.

“Are you calling me a liar?” Steven Nell asked, tightening his grip on me. Rage flared behind Tristan’s eyes, and I could tell it was taking everything within him to keep from lashing out, to keep control. He didn’t acknowledge Nell but looked directly at me.

“Don’t do it, Rory. Please,” he begged, inching toward me. “You don’t deserve to spend eternity in the Shadowlands.”

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t,” I told him. “And maybe this will work or maybe it won’t. But, Tristan, I have to try. If there’s a chance I can save my family, I have to try.” I looked up at Nell, swallowing back my revulsion at the sight of his face, so very close to mine. “I’d like to say good-bye.”

Nell’s watery blue eyes softened as he looked at me, and somehow, that expression of caring was more horrifying than anything he’d ever done to me. It was as if he was calling me his with that one look.

“You have one minute,” he said, releasing me.

I staggered away from him and threw myself at Tristan. He held me so close to his chest I couldn’t separate his heartbeat from mine. I buried my face in his wet T-shirt, gasping for air.

“Don’t,” he said in my ear, his teeth clenched. “Don’t you leave me. We’re going to be together forever. Please, Rory. Don’t do this. Don’t.”

I tilted my head up, and tears flowed freely down my face. “I’m so sorry, Tristan. I’m so sorry. I love you. I’ll never stop loving you, I swear.”

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine firmly, desperately, longingly, and I kissed him back as hard as I could, trying to impress the memory of me into him, as if some piece of me could really linger there forever.

“I love you, too,” he said.

“I know.”

Somehow, I released him. I turned and looked at Joaquin. His chest was heaving, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. I stepped up to him, stood on my toes, touched his cheek, and kissed it.

“Good-bye.”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. I knew how he felt. I knew what I was doing to both of them. But I also knew that I was doing the right thing. I stepped past Krista, who was smiling beneath Joaquin’s boot, and stood in front of Nell.

“Don’t,” Tristan pleaded, tears streaming down his face. “Don’t, don’t, don’t.”

I lifted my chin, not letting myself consider what was to be.

“Yes,” I said to Steven Nell, to my worst nightmare come to life. “I’ll come with you.”

“No!” Tristan screamed.

Steven Nell smiled. My ears, my head, my heart, my lungs filled with the awful sucking sound that meant it was over. That meant I was being swallowed whole. Devoured. Never to see my family, my home, my love again.

“Rory, no! Please, no!”

Tristan reached for me, his arm and hand and fingers stretching out in pure despair, and then he was gone.

The Choice

“Rory. Rooreee! Time to wake up, sweetie. It’s a whole new day.”

I took a deep breath, clinging to sleep, knowing that if I opened my eyes, my mother’s voice would cease to exist, just like she’d ceased to exist. She was singing my name, and I didn’t want it to end.

“And I thought I was a heavy sleeper,” Darcy said sarcastically.

“Give her a break.” That was Dad. “She’s been through a lot.”

“Come on, sweetie.” My mom gently shook my shoulder. “I want to look into your eyes.”

I blinked myself awake. I was on a soft cotton pad on the floor of a vast white room, and I was staring at my mother’s face. She looked nothing like she had on the day she died, with those sunken cheeks and milky eyes. She looked healthy. Perfect. Like she’d never been touched by cancer.

“Hey there. It’s my baby,” she said, her voice full.

I sat up and she enveloped me in a lilac-scented hug. Her blond hair brushed my face. I’d forgotten her hair, how long and soft it was.

“Mom? Where are we?” I looked up and saw my dad and Darcy standing behind her, wearing the same clothes they’d worn the nights they’d disappeared. Darcy in a tight blue T-shirt and jeans. Dad in his polo shirt and khakis. “I’m dreaming, right? This is a dream.”

My mother reached out and tucked my hair behind my ears. “It’s not a dream,” she said, a proud smile lighting her face. “We’re here because of you. We’re together because of you.”

“Me?”

“You committed a purely selfless act,” my mother said, her hand coming to rest atop mine. It was so tan and perfect, her wedding ring shining on her ring finger. “You willingly gave yourself up to the Shadowlands to save those souls, and because of that, you were sent to the Light.”

My heart leaped, and I looked at my father. “This is the Light? What about the others?”

“They’re here,” Darcy said with a smile. “Aaron is beside himself.”

I laughed and tears overflowed, bathing my face. “And Nadia? Cori?”

“They’ve been here since they passed,” my mom told me. “They were given the choice to return to Juniper Landing, but they chose to stay.”

Relief hit my chest. “So I don’t have to go to the Shadowlands? I don’t have to be with—”

“Don’t even say his name,” my mother said, touching her fingertips to my lips. “You never need to say his name again.”

I collapsed against her and cried, releasing the torrents of terror and confusion and uncertainty I had bottled up for so long. My mother hugged me close, her strength radiating through me. Just to be with her, just to be held by her again, was the greatest gift I could have ever been given.

“I’m so proud of you, sweetie,” she said into my hair, kissing the top of my head. “Everything you’ve been through and everything you’ve done, and you’re still my strong little girl.”

“You’ve been watching me?” I asked through my tears.

“Of course. Are you kidding? I’ve been watching you since the moment I died,” she said. She tipped my head back and held my face between her hands. “I never left you.”

Then she looked at my dad and Darcy. “I never left any of you.” She gazed into my eyes again. “And whatever you decide to do next, I’ll always be right there beside you.”

I felt a stab of foreboding. “Whatever I decide to do next?”

My mother nodded. She got up, tugging me by the hands to stand with her. We stepped off the cotton mat and onto the warm white floor. With one hand still clutching mine, my mother lifted the other and, palm out, wiped the air in front of us as if she were cleaning a window. Instantly, an image appeared. We were looking at the foot of the bridge, at Tristan, who was on his knees, and Joaquin, who stood over him. Tristan was sobbing, his shoulders bent, his hands flopped uselessly across his knees.

“What happened?” I asked. “Where’s Krista?”

“Krista’s deal was that she would be returned to Earth. Once your selfless act released those innocent souls, the Shadowlands drew her in for itself instead,” my mother explained grimly. “As far as Tristan and Joaquin know, both of you are in the Shadowlands, and no one was ever released.”

My mouth was dry as sand. “So they think I failed.”

“They think you were tricked,” my mother corrected. She took a breath and turned me to face her. “Now you need to decide whether you wish to stay here, in the Light, with us, or go back to Juniper Landing and continue your mission.”

My heart thumped extra hard. I glanced over at my dad and Darcy. “What about you?” I asked my sister. “Do you get the same choice?”

“Yeah, but I already made it,” she said. “I’m staying here.”

“Oh.”

“When I really thought about it, I realized I’m not gonna stay with Fisher forever, and if we break up, there’s gonna be so much drama,” Darcy said, rolling her eyes. “I’m sort of over all that, you know?”

“But what about being a Lifer? What about our mission?” I asked.

She lifted her shoulders. “I was never technically a Lifer. I never really got what it meant. Honestly…I think I’d rather stay here and just…be.”

“Rory, we want you to know that whatever you decide, we’re here for you and we’re happy for you,” my father said. “If you want to go back, we’ll understand. And we’ll always be with you.”

I nodded, looking at my mom. The only thing I’d wanted for the past four years was to see her again. To hear her voice. To have her hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. And there she was. Right there. Could I really imagine letting her go again?

“I want to be with you,” I said plainly. “It’s the only thing I’ve wanted since the second you told me you were sick.”

“I know, sweetie.”

“What’s it like here?” I asked. “Are you happy?”

“I’m at peace,” she said gently. “There’s a certainty about being here. Knowing nothing can ever hurt you again. There’s no confusion, no longing, no guilt. You just…are.”

It sounded like perfection, never having to worry. Never feeling pain or uncertainty. But there was something leading in her tone. She was trying to tell me something. I looked her in the eye and flinched in understanding.

“But there’s also no Tristan,” I said. “No confusion, longing, pain, uncertainty, or guilt means no passion, too. No…love?”

“Oh, there’s love,” she said. “It’s all around us. But it’s not the same. It’s not what you have with him.”

She tilted her head and smiled. “C’mere,” she said, holding out one hand.

I took it and she pulled me into her side, wrapping one arm around me and holding me close in a way that tickled me enough to make me laugh.

“You love him, don’t you?” she said. “With all your heart?”

“Yeah,” I croaked.

“And your mission there…it fulfilled you?” she asked. “It made you feel good, useful, accomplished?”

I straightened up, pulling away from her, and nodded, but my fingers still found her hand, unwilling to break apart for more than a second. “It did.”

“I so looked forward to this when I was alive,” she said, looking from me to Darcy. “That day you girls would come to me and tell me you’d found the one. And then, after everything that happened…” She looked away, then back to me, smiling. “The point is, I never thought I’d get to do it, yet here we are.” She squeezed my hand, her eyes shimmering, and I knew she thought that I should go back. That I should be happy. That I should have a life, however odd and unconventional and of the unliving it was. “It’s amazing how the universe works, isn’t it?”

I nodded, a half sob, half laugh rumbling from my throat. “Yeah. It is.”

“It’s okay,” my mother told me. She drew me into her chest and held me close, her chin against my shoulder. “It’s okay, baby. You go. You be with him. You deserve to be happy.”

“Mom,” I choked out. “Mommy. I wish you could come with me.”

“I know,” she said. “I know. But we got through this once before. We can do it again.” She pulled back and touched my face. “And who knows? Eternity is a long time. We may just find a way to meet up in the future. We Miller girls seem to have a way of getting around the rules.”

I snorted a laugh, tears and snot running unbidden down my face—as if I cared. I turned around and hugged my dad good-bye. He was sturdy and strong for a good five seconds before he finally let out a ragged cry, and I nearly broke. Then I turned to Darcy, and she gripped me tight, her arms high around my shoulders as I clung to her skinny waist. She rubbed her hand in my hair and kissed my forehead.

“Tell Fisher I said good-bye,” she told me. “And that other jerk, too.”

I smiled. “Will do.”

Then, finally, I returned to my mother for one last bolstering hug. She kissed one cheek, then the other, then my forehead, and put her hands on my shoulders.

“Never forget who you are,” she said.

“Who is that again?” I asked tearfully.

“You’re Rory Miller,” she said. “You’re strong and smart and fierce and defiant and compassionate and caring and true. You’re my daughter, and I’ve got your back.”

I smiled as best I could and tried not to choke as I said, “Thanks, Mom. For everything.”

“You’re welcome, baby.”

For a long moment, we stood there, gazing at each other, and even though I knew this was good-bye, and even though my limbs felt heavy with sadness, this was so very different from the moment I’d said good-bye to her on Earth. There had been so much uncertainty then, so much finality, so much never-ever again. Now I knew where she was going to be, I knew she’d be safe, I knew she’d be watching. And the reality of that made my heart feel light.

My mom nodded, then turned me around slowly. Gradually, quietly, a vortex opened in front of us, this one white and long and far less intimidating. My mother leaned forward and whispered in my ear. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said.

A velvet bag appeared in her hands, and she handed it to me. It was heavy, bulbous, and I had a feeling I knew what was inside. “Here,” she said. “You’re going to need these.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said lightly. “You always did give the best presents.”

She shrugged and kissed my forehead. “Your mom knows what you need better than anyone.”

I smiled, turned around, and stepped through.