Текст книги "Dirty Angels"

Автор книги: Karina Halle

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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Luisa

I thought the days leading up to Salvador’s negotiations would take forever. The not knowing, the fear, the anxious anticipation—they all had ways of making the time drag.

Instead, the three days passed by me in a blur of sex and ecstasy. It was naked flesh and intimate fluids, languid limbs and earth-shattering orgasms. It was Javier’s eyes in a million different ways: intense during sex and soft after coming, playful while we were in bed and glacial when we were with others. It was the way our bodies melded together that was absolutely captivating, addicting, and strangely freeing.

I started to feel like I knew his body inside and out as he did with mine. I learned what he liked, what he didn’t like, what he craved. I knew the things to say that would make him fuck me breathless, and I knew what to say when I really wanted to piss him off.

And all this time, these days of mindless passion, I never had the urge to run again. Maybe fucking me was one way of keeping me under control. Maybe me fucking him was doing the same. I didn’t know. But as much as I feared my future, I made myself live in the now. The now was all I had, and I made sure to enjoy every last drop.

I knew very well what Stockholm Syndrome was. I knew it was common. I just didn’t think it applied to me. Because the women who fell for their captors that way, it was considered so strange and unusual that it needed a clinical name. It was an issue that could be diagnosed.

The longer I was with Javier, feeling myself stir, my wings stretch and flutter, I felt as if there was something so terribly right about it. When a woman is captured from her home, she is forced to contend with another man, one who wants to bring her harm. When I was captured from my home, I was forced to contend with a man who was better than the one I was taken from. Bad still, of course. Javier was terribly bad. But he wasn’t the worst. And when I caught him staring at me sometimes, I could fool myself into thinking that he could possibly be the best.

But Javier himself still remained an enigma to me, despite the feelings I slowly found myself needing from him. For all his grace and tenderness that he sometimes bestowed upon me, there was this shield, this wall up around him that, for all my beauty and blow jobs and sweet conversation, I could not penetrate. He kept himself distanced from me and it made me frustrated and a little mad. Not necessarily because I needed to know what he was thinking, what he felt for me, but because I hadn’t done that with myself. The both of us knew something horrible was coming up, and he was the only one who had the strength to protect himself from it.

Me, I knew I was done for. But at least I got to live a little in the process.

At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

“What are you doing out here?”

I turned to see Javier strolling toward me, hands casually jammed in his linen pants pockets. I’d only left his side a few hours ago and had come out to sit on the stone bench by the koi pond.

“Feeding the fish,” I told him, lifting a few pieces of bread I nicked from the kitchen.

He stopped behind me and gazed out thoughtfully at the lotus. A breeze caught a few strands of his shaggy hair, the sun highlighting the gold in his eyes. Times like this I could pretend I lived here and that there wasn’t a horrible world outside the beauty and blooms.

He eyed the bread and ran his hand along his strong jaw in amusement. “You do realize that koi fish need special food.”

I shrugged. “I thought they were like your pigs and they’d eat anything.” The other day he took me down a path that passed through a clump of trees at the edge of the yard and we ended up at a farm of sorts. He showed me his pigs. I’d learned how Franco’s body had been disposed of.

He took a seat next to me. “Not quite.”

Somewhere beyond the flowers, the gardener Carlos, a nice little fellow, started up his lawnmower. The sound was so mystifying. It reminded me of the traces of suburbia and normalness I used to see when driving into Cabo San Lucas.

I glanced over at Javier, wondering if he ever found it odd how normal and peaceful his life seemed to be on the outside when it was anything but. I wondered if he orchestrated it that way, to keep all this beauty and elegance around him in order to balance all the bad. I wondered if he had ever come close to making this place even more domestic than it was, if he ever dreamed about having a wife, having children.

“So what happened between you and Ellie?”

He went rigid for a moment before his gaze settled sharply on mine. “Where did that come from?”

“I don’t know. I’m curious.”

His eyes narrowed suspiciously and he shifted in his seat. “Why are you so focused on my past?”

“Because the past makes you who you are. I want to know why you’re this way.”

“This way?” he repeated with a wry smile. “Luisa, I hate to break it to you, but I’ve always been this way.”

“Then what happened? Humor me.”

He clasped his hands together, his watch jangling.

“In a nutshell,” he said with an exasperated sigh, “I was trying to help her get revenge. I was also trying to show her who she really was, or who I still thought she was. In the end, my help did nothing. She’d changed. She played me. She threw me under a bus so she could be with another man, some dumb fuck, and laughed while I was taken away. I’m sure she knew I ended up in prison. I’m sure it only cemented her decision to be good. That was all the thanks I got for trying to help.” He shook his head, anger simmering in his eyes. “People are so fucking ungrateful.”

“So she broke your heart.”

He gave me a sidelong glance. “Don’t mistake broken pride for a broken heart. No man wants to look like a fool. Because of her, I lost almost everything, and it took years for me to get it all back. That isn’t something you can forget overnight.”

Now I understood the shield.

A few moments passed us by. One white and orange fish did several laps around the pond, eyeing me hopefully every time he came near. I thought about what Javier said, how he saw something in Ellie that he wanted to bring out of her. Her truth.

Finally I looked to Javier and shyly asked, “Will you help me?”

His brow furrowed delicately. “Help you what?”

“Help me see who I really am.”

He smirked. “I think you’re already finding that out. One day at a time.”

“But there are no days after tomorrow,” I said, trying to keep my voice as flat as possible.

Tension broke the surface of his face but he reined it in. “I guess you’re right. So what are we to do?”

Something, I screamed in my head. Anything!

I gulped my thoughts down so they didn’t dare escape from my lips. “I don’t know.”

He eyed Carlos who was now mowing behind a flowering bush then looked back at me. “You do,” he said, his heady gaze trailing to my lips. “What we’ve always done.”

He reached for my shoulder and slipped off the strap of my dress with his index finger. His eyes fastened to mine as he gently eased me back so I was lying flat on the bench. In moments, his pants were unzipped, my underwear was pushed to the side, and my leg was straight up against his shoulder. He pushed into me in broad daylight, while the lawnmower whirred in the background and the flowers perfumed the air with their delicate fragrance.

Even though I felt completely exposed to the living, breathing world that whirled around us, I was absolutely captive to the private one between us. When I came, my nails raking down his back and into the loose linen threads of his shirt, I was holding on to more than just him; I was holding on to the day, the moment, the second.

The time where I was queen.

And where I was free.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Javier

It was the middle of the night when Luisa woke me, just a few hours before dawn, before the day came and I would get Salvador’s call.

As usual, she woke me up in the most exquisite way—her naked body pressed against mine, hands in my hair, lips on my chest.

“What time is it?” I groaned, both from lack of sleep and from the way she pushed herself against my dick.

“Does it matter?” she asked softly.

I opened my eyes and made out her features in the waning dark. “No, it doesn’t. Not when you’re like this.”

Her pearly teeth flashed in a gorgeous smile. “Good,” she said. She trailed her fingers down the side of my face and that smile slowly vanished. I didn’t even have to ask why. I knew why. I knew what was coming. I was doing everything I could to steel my mind against the impossible choices I’d have to make in a few hours.

“Javier,” she whispered, my name sounding like heaven. “What are you going to do to me?”

I grinded my jaw, trying to keep it together. “Don’t ask me this.”

“But you must know.”

“But I don’t know,” I whispered harshly. “I’ll know when the time comes.”

“Will you promise to be the one to shoot me? Like you said.”

“I never said I would do that.”

“Will you promise?” she repeated, running her hands into my hair again.

“No,” I told her. And I was telling the truth. “I will not shoot you. I will not harm you. I will not kill you. Do you feel any better?”

She shook her head, and I could see how wet her eyes were. A tear drop fell on my chest and the hollowness beneath it grew. “I don’t feel better, because I know the others will. Salvador will not want me.”

I grabbed her shoulders and shook her. “We don’t know that!” I hissed.

“And then so what if he does! Can you let me go? Can you watch me go back to him, to be his wife again?” She pressed her fingers into her tearstain and swirled it around my heart in angry circles. “Is that what you’re still capable of?”

Yes. I had to be.

“Luisa,” I said carefully, looking into her shining, desperate eyes. “You can’t save me.”

She smiled, letting out a caustic laugh. “I don’t want to save you,” she said, bringing her face closer to mine. “I want to join you.”

I stared at her, completely dazzled by what she had said. Even with everything that I was, she didn’t want to change me, she didn’t want to save me. Perhaps it was because I was so beyond saving. Either way, she saw who I was and all my filth and she wanted to roll around in it with me.

She had become my equal.

And in the morning she would become nothing.

* * *

“Did he say when he was calling?” Este asked with a hint of annoyance.

I couldn’t even answer him. My eyes were trained on the new flip phone lying on my desk in front of me. It was the exact same scene as the week before, except there was one difference. Este was right. Luisa had compromised me.

It didn’t mean I wasn’t going to do what I needed to do. But it meant that though I looked annoyed on the surface, I was being crushed underneath.

“Well, Javier told him exactly a week,” The Doctor said mildly. He adjusted his hat on his head. “I suppose Salvador could take him literally or not.”

“If it’s literal then he’s already late,” Este said. I could feel his eyes on me. “Are you sure Juanito is a good enough guard, Javi?”

I jerked my chin into a nod. They wanted Luisa guarded during this so I sent Juanito to do the job. The man had his flaws, but I knew he wouldn’t hurt her and would obey me. Someone like Este couldn’t always be trusted. My mind started picking that apart, wondering if perhaps one day I could get rid of Este before he attempted to get rid of me. My mind wanted to think about everything except what was about to happen.

“So what is our course of action if he wants her back?” The Doctor asked. “We shouldn’t give her over until everything is absolutely secure. We need proof of the shipping lane. We need physical evidence before we do anything. This might mean holding on to her for a few more days. But I’m sure Javier can handle that, can’t you boy?”

I barely heard him. My eyes willed the phone to ring, to get this fucking over with.

And, like God himself was the operator, the phone started dancing, vibrating on the desk. We all watched with bated breath before I snatched it up.

I waited a moment, that one golden moment where everything stayed the same, before I flipped it open.

“Hello,” I said into the receiver, relieved at how strong my voice was sounding. I could almost fool myself.

“Javier Bernal,” said Salvador, his voice dripping with false formality. “I’m glad you were waiting on my phone call. I almost forgot about it, you see. Nice to know you hadn’t.”

I pressed my lips together, hard, waiting for him to go on. He didn’t.

“No, I hadn’t,” I said with deliberation. “So what have you decided? Will you deal with me or not?”

There was a pause and the other end of the phone erupted with laughter. It was so loud that I knew The Doctor and Este could hear it. They exchanged a concerned glance with each other.

“Deal?” Salvador spat out when he calmed down. “What was the deal again? An Ephedra lane for my wife? Javier, Javier, Javier. Have you seen my wife? Have you tasted my wife?” His voice grew lower. “If you’re anything like me, you have.”

I’m not anything like you, I thought bitterly.

“But for her beauty and body,” he went on, “do you really think she’s worth a shipping lane? You just might be dumber than I thought.” He snorted and my chest constricted painfully. “The world is full of naïve, brainless, helpless women like her. I can pick up another one. In fact, I already have. Several. So no, Javier, I will not be making a deal with you.” He paused. “Chop her fucking head off.”

The line went dead.

Everything inside me went dead. I slowly removed the phone from my ear and stared at it in my hands.

I had been wrong. Luisa had been right. Salvador didn’t want her. I kidnapped her in vain. I wasn’t getting anything in return.

It seemed fitting for a man who loved to fuck so much that I had royally fucked myself over.

“Javier?” The Doctor asked carefully. “What happened?”

I glanced up, meeting Este’s eyes by accident. He immediately grimaced, knowing the look of failure.

“Shit,” he swore. “No fucking deal, hey.”

The Doctor made a tsking sound, leaning forward on his knees. “That is a shame. A real shame. All the time we wasted. And now we look like fools. Well, the only way we can recover from this, Javier,” he said my name sharply so that I would direct my attention to him, “is if we show we don’t mess around. And I know you don’t. Look what happened to Franco. No idle threats there.” He got out of his seat and peered down at me with curiosity. “You know we have to kill her and do it publicly.”

I raised one finger to silence him. It was oh so hard to think when you could barely even breathe. “Give me a minute,” I managed to say. My brain was working on overdrive, trying to figure out a way to save my pride, save my cartel, and save Luisa at the same time. I barely noticed Este leaving the room.

But I certainly noticed when he came back.

I looked up to see Luisa in the doorway looking beyond frightened, Juanito and Este with tight holds on either side of her. Her eyes flew to mine, and in an instant she knew exactly what was happening.

I’m sorry, I mouthed to her. I didn’t know what else to say.

“Ah,” The Doctor said, clapping his hands together gleefully. “Just the woman we wanted to see. Luisa, Javier has something very important and troubling that he’d like to tell you. Don’t you, Javier?”

I wanted nothing more than to chop his fucking head off. My eyes burned into his but he took no notice. He had that look on his face, that dreamy, wistful look that preceded his torturing someone.

I slid my gaze over to her. “Luisa,” I said thickly. “I just spoke with your husband. He doesn’t want to make a deal. You were right. He wants me to chop your head off instead.”

I suppose I could have said that more eloquently.

Her eyes widened for a moment before something passed over them, something that made them grow cold. She was retreating inside herself. I didn’t want that to happen. I wanted her to fight back. Her fight would give me courage to do the same.

“I see,” she said blankly. “Sometimes it’s horrible to be right.”

I nodded and looked to the men. “Do you guys mind excusing us? I need a moment with her alone.”

The Doctor narrowed his eyes. “Javier, you know you have to do what’s right for all of us. As gruesome as it may be.”

“Please go,” I said, my voice growing harder. “Now.”

Juanito, Este, and The Doctor all exchanged a worried look before they reluctantly left the room. As soon as the door shut behind them, I went up to it and locked it before turning to look at Luisa.

We stared at each other for a long moment. There was so much to say and yet so little.

“So this is it,” she said.

I shook my head and went over to her, grabbing her face in my hands. “No. This isn’t it. I won’t let this happen if you won’t. Tell me you’ll fight this. Promise me.”

She stared up at me in the open need to believe. “How can I fight?”

I licked my lips and looked away. “I don’t know. The cartel will suffer—I will suffer—if we don’t deliver. We all follow through on what we say we’re going to do. If we say we’re going to kill you, then we have to do it.”

“Then find someone else,” she cried out, her eyes dancing feverishly. “Go into the village, go and find a woman, a hooker, someone, anyone, anyone that looks like me. Bring her back here and tie her up and film it. Cover up her face in a bag and take her fucking head right off!”

I jerked my chin into my neck. Where had this brutal Luisa come from?

She smiled and shook me. “It will work,” she assured me. “Killing another woman instead.”

“No,” I said, watching her closely. “It won’t. They might want proof of your actual head.”

“Then let me stay here,” she said. “You don’t have to kill me. You can tell them no. You’re their boss.”

“I know I am. But that doesn’t help with pride, with image.”

“Fuck your pride!” she yelled, her face contorted. “What the fuck has that ever gotten you?”

She didn’t understand. “It’s gotten me everything,” I told her.

She made a sweeping gesture to the room. “All these dear things you love so much,” she said sarcastically. “All your fucking flowers and your clothes and your money and the shitheads who work for you.”

I rubbed my face in my hands, trying to get a grip, trying to get control back. I felt like I’d lost it many days ago, somewhere deep inside of her. No matter what I chose, I was going to suffer in some way.

“Look,” I said carefully, slowly meeting her wild eyes. “If you stay here, even if the cartel can’t save face, what do you think happens to your parents? If you run off into the jungle, what do you think will happen to your parents? If we kill some other woman and pretend it’s you—what do you think will happen to your parents?” Her face fell and I took a step toward her again. “You’re not thinking straight. You’re thinking out of survival and instinct, and that’s good because that means you’re finally being selfish. But you’ve got a pure heart, my darling. You wouldn’t be able to be selfish for long. I don’t want you living or dying with that kind of regret on your shoulders.”

She seemed to think about that for some time, her eyes staring at a blank spot on my shirt. I could almost see the wheels turning inside, that fight to survive and the fight to protect the ones she loved.

I hoped I wasn’t included on that list.

When she came to a conclusion it looked like she was wearing the weight of the world on her face. She looked me dead in the eye and said, “I have to go back to Salvador.”

I frowned, a bolt of panic going through me. “What? No.”

She nodded and raised her chin defiantly. “Yes. It’s the only way. I have to go back to him. I have to be his wife again. It’s the only way I can live and keep my parents alive at the same time.”

I grabbed her by the hand and squeezed hard, hoping to press some sense into her. “But you won’t be alive for long,” I hissed at her. “You know what that man will do to you. Christ, what happens when he sees my name on your back!”

“You never cared about that before.”

“But I do now! You can’t do this, this is a death wish for fuck’s sake.”

“I will do this,” she said, her voice growing calmer by the moment, as if she had made peace with the horrible fear. “You’ll let me go. Even better, you’ll have someone drop me off in Culiacán. I’ll wander around until someone spots me. The whole city knows who I am, the whole city is still under my power. I’ll tell them what happened—that I knew I was going to be executed. I’ll tell them I escaped and that I’ve come to beg my husband to take me back, that he made the right choice by picking his business, that there are no hard feelings. I will grovel. And to save his own face, to save his own fucking pride, he will take me back into his house.” She swallowed. “And I … I will be his wife again. Just as before.”

I was angry. So angry that my breath wouldn’t leave my lungs. It took all my concentration to calm down, to start breathing in and out of my nose. Why did she have to choose this of all things?

“Luisa, please,” I told her, hoping she could see the truth. “You will die. He will take you in on pride but you are nothing to him. Do you hear me? Nothing! You will last a week or two, and then he will kill you. And before that, you know what he’s going to do to you. He—” I broke off, unable to finish the sentence. I couldn’t even let myself think about it, but it was there, poking around in my brain. The sound of Salvador’s voice, the fear I’d seen in Luisa’s eyes, the brutality he’d proven he was capable of.

“And I will handle him as I handled him before,” she said, almost proud. “This is the only way. At least I can say I gave it a shot. One more shot at life, as pathetic as it may be. And you? You only have to lose your precious pride among your workers here. The rest of the world may laugh at your faulty security, but I’m sure it will be something they’ll soon forget. To Mexico, your cartel is still one to be reckoned with and your pride will remain intact. And you, Javier Bernal, will continue on as you had before. In a week, you won’t remember me.”

But she had to know, had to realize, how hard this was for me, too. If she did though, perhaps she didn’t quite care.

“All right,” I said, nodding at her. “If this is what you want, I can tell the others the plan. They won’t like it, but they won’t be able to do anything about it.”

“Thank you,” she said. She smiled at me with the strength of a million breaking hearts. It was the saddest thing I’d ever seen, and I’d seen a lot of sad things in my lifetime, things that would chase me to the grave.

And that’s when I knew, with nothing but a smile, my Luisa, my queen, had broken me.