Текст книги "Twisted Ties"

Автор книги: K. A. Robinson

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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 14 страниц)

“I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, Ally.”

“So, now you know why I needed to hide. I know it’s wrong, but I don’t want to get rid of this baby. It’s not my baby’s fault for what happened to me. It might be half him, but it’s half me, too.”

“I’ll help you in any way I can. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”

She grew still for a moment. “I need you to hide me.”

“I can do that.”

“And I want you to promise me that if anyone from home finds me, you’ll say the baby is yours. If Andy finds out the truth, he’ll go crazy.”

I had no idea what to say to that. I couldn’t abandon her, no matter how wrong it felt to make that promise to her.

“I’ll tell them it’s mine,” I said quietly.

Ally hid her face in my chest as she started sobbing again. “Thank you, Jesse. Thank you.”

“You’re like my family. I’d do anything for you, Ally.”

I held her as she cried. I didn’t know how long we sat there together, but it felt like hours. Her tears finally stopped, and she fell asleep on my chest. I picked her up and carried her to the room where she’d been staying. It was her room now. This was now her home, too. I watched over her as she slept, wishing I could erase the last few months of her life. No one deserved to go through that. One day, I’d find the bastard who had done this to her, and I’d beat the shit out of him.

Over the next few days, we sat down and figured out all the details just in case anyone showed up. Neither of us really expected that to happen though. What were the chances of someone looking in West Virginia? I’d just signed the lease on this place, so the landlord let me add Ally’s name, too.

My mom refused to let me work while I was in school. I’d fought with her over and over about that, but she’d finally won. Ally didn’t want to take advantage of my mom’s kindness, so she went out and started searching for a job to help cover rent. I didn’t like the idea of her working, but I didn’t want to upset her. She planned to save whatever she had leftover, so she would have some money for when the baby arrived. I’d tried to get her to apply for local state aid to get insurance and assistance for food, but she’d refused. She didn’t want to take handouts from anyone.

When I’d agreed to tell anyone back home that I was her baby’s father, I’d never expected it to be an issue. It was definitely an issue now. Emma and Andy were here, and they both thought that I’d gotten Ally pregnant. Now, I understood why Emma had run from me and why Andy had punched me. I’d hurt her again, and he had been protecting her. Of course, he would now that they were together.

“I need a beer,” I said as I forced myself back into the present. I didn’t need a beer. I needed a keg.

“I’ll get you one.” Ally ran to the kitchen, and she came back a few seconds later with a beer in her hand. “Here.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled as I popped the top and took a drink.

Ally had done everything in her power not to be a bother since she’d arrived. I knew that she still loved me, but no matter how hard I’d tried, I couldn’t love her back. By protecting her, I knew that I was throwing away any chance of being happy, but I had no other choice. She was my friend, and I couldn’t abandon her. She’d dealt with enough pain to last a lifetime.

Ally had tried to sleep in my bed after we agreed on our story, but I wouldn’t let her. She’d thrown herself at me—literally. I couldn’t do it, and I knew that had hurt her, but I couldn’t sleep with her. There was no way. I hadn’t been with anyone since Emma. I’d had opportunities, but I never took them.

Ally had said she understood and that maybe I’d return her feelings one day. I didn’t see that happening, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. She’d been through enough without me breaking her heart.

“I’m going to my room,” I said as I set my beer on the table and stood up.

If she replied, I didn’t hear her. My mind was buzzing too loud for me to process anything happening around me. I closed my door and locked it before lying down on my bed. I stared up at the ceiling as my mind kept going back to the look on Emma’s face when she’d seen me.

She had looked so hurt. Now, I understood why. She thought that I’d slept with Ally and gotten her pregnant. I’d be hurt, too, if I’d found out that she was pregnant with Andy’s kid. God, I don’t even want to think about that. Emma is mine. No, she isn’t. She used to be but not anymore. That had been Ally’s fault, too.

I tried not to be angry with Ally, but I couldn’t help it. It seemed like every time she came around, my life turned into complete chaos. There was one thing that was bothering me though. Ally had claimed that Andy had come after her and Emma had come with him because they were together. If that were true, why had Emma been on campus? She’d had a bag across her shoulder, too, like she was a student.

I needed to talk to Emma. I had to tell her the truth even if I didn’t think she’d believe me. I couldn’t let her think that Ally’s baby was mine when she went back to California with Andy. I knew Ally would be angry, but I couldn’t stand the thought of Emma hurting because of me. I also wanted to know why she had been on campus if they were only here for Ally. That made absolutely no sense to me. Something wasn’t right, and I was going to find out exactly what was going on.

Chapter Six: Jesse

An entire week passed without a word from Emma or Andy. I was driving myself nuts, thinking about the two of them together. I should have let go of Emma a long time ago, but I never had.

It wasn’t that I hadn’t tried because I had. I’d done everything possible to block her from my thoughts when I first moved here. I’d felt so angry with her for thinking the worst of me that I’d been able to force her out of my mind for a while. She’d slowly started to creep back into my thoughts though. It was like my memories of her were a disease slowly killing me inside. Every little thing had reminded me of her. No matter how hard I’d tried to push her away, she was always there.

I’d been doing better since Ally had shown up due to the fact that I was constantly worried about her and the situation she was in. Now that I’d seen Emma again though, even Ally’s predicament couldn’t distract me.

Emma was eating me alive and I doubted if she even cared.

Ever since the night I’d run into Emma, Ally had been driving me nuts. She had been clingy before, but she was ten times worse now. It seemed like I couldn’t take a piss without her standing outside the bathroom door, waiting for me. I would savor the times when she worked the night shift. It gave me time to myself to just breathe. It seemed like I could never breathe when she was around. There was never enough oxygen in the room. She was suffocating me.

“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Ally asked as she set a plate of food in front of me.

“Nothing.” I picked up my fork and started eating.

I had no idea what I was eating. She could have been feeding me rat poison, and I wouldn’t know. I was too far gone into my own thoughts.

“Jesse, something is obviously on your mind. Talk to me about it. That’s what couples do. They talk about what’s bothering each other.”

I bit my tongue to keep from telling her that we weren’t a couple. It took every ounce of willpower I had, but I managed. I had no idea why Ally kept pushing a relationship when we both knew there was nothing between us.

“I’m fine. I was just thinking about school,” I said as I glanced up at her. I was surprised to see anger radiating off of her.

“You’re lying.”

“No, I’m not,” I said each word slowly as I tried not to lash out at her. She needs to mind her own damn business.

“You’re thinking about her—Emma,” she said, spitting out Emma’s name like it was a curse.

“What is your problem with her?” I asked angrily.

“What is my problem? Are you fucking kidding me?” she shouted. “Everything was perfect until Andy and that bitch showed back up! We were connecting, and I know you were starting to feel something for me. Since you saw her, you’ve barely said a word to me. You were finally falling in love with me, and she ruined everything!”

“Ally, calm the fuck down!” I shouted back. “I love you, but it’s not the way you want. You’re like my sister, and that’s how I’ll always feel about you. I’m helping you with the baby because I want to protect you. It’s not because I love you.”

“I want my child to have a family!”

“I hope that happens for both of you, but it won’t be with me. I’m sorry. I’ll protect you for as long as you need, but that’s all I’ll do.”

“It’s her fucking fault!”

“Emma has nothing to do with this!” I shouted, losing my cool.

“Bullshit. Everything always comes back to her!”

“I’m not dealing with this.” I shoved away from the table and started walking to my room.

I slammed my bedroom door behind me, and I locked it, so Ally couldn’t get in. I collapsed on the bed as she beat on the door and called me every name that she could think of. I refused to answer as she screamed out my name. She needed to calm down and act like a rational human being. Until she did, I was going to ignore her.

“Fine, Jesse! I’m out of here. Fuck you!” she shouted as she hit my door one last time.

I sighed in relief as the house went quiet. I was slightly worried that she was just faking me out so that I’d open the door, so I waited for almost an hour before I walked out. Ally was nowhere to be seen, and her keys were missing from where she would hang them by the door. She really had left. I knew I had been a dick, but damn, there was only so much crazy shit a guy could deal with before he snapped.

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator. I chugged it down and opened another one. I didn’t want to get drunk. I just wanted to relax for a while. I was tired of my life being nothing but girl drama. I wasn’t sure if all women were like Ally, but I doubted it. When Emma and I had been together, she’d never acted the way Ally had. Emma had been the complete opposite actually. She’d kept me calm instead of winding me up until I couldn’t take anymore.

Just in case Ally came home, I kept an eye on the door as I walked from the kitchen to the living room. If she did, I was going to haul ass back to my bedroom. I wasn’t in the mood to watch TV, so I sat on the couch and stared at the blank screen in front of me. After a few minutes, I heard a noise coming from outside. I walked to my front door and opened it to see what was going on.

As soon as I opened the door, I could hear music coming from a few houses down. I’d forgotten that Sam was having a party this weekend. I didn’t know him that well, but he’d invited the entire street. I wasn’t sure if he’d done that to be nice or to suck up so that none of us called the cops on him.

It was obvious that the party was huge. He lived two houses down from me, and people were standing on my lawn. I shook my head as I listened to the music blaring. The guy apparently knew how to throw a party.

I started to close my door and go back inside, but something stopped me. Why the hell should I lock myself away to mope about all my problems when I could be drinking with a bunch of people who I didn’t know? They didn’t think I’d knocked up my best friend’s sister, and they didn’t expect me to take care of a kid who wasn’t mine.

I closed my door and walked down the sidewalk to Sam’s house. People were everywhere, and I pushed through them as I made my way into the house. It was even worse inside. If he planned to have parties like this, he might want to consider getting a bigger house.

The music was loud enough to make my ears bleed. Jesus, how did anyone expect to have a conversation? Looking around the room, I realized that talking was the last thing on most of these people’s minds. Most were paired off with their lips glued to each other. Those who weren’t attached were dancing in the living room. I didn’t bother to apologize as I bumped into people while trying to get to the table covered in alcohol across the room.

I’d thought a party was just what I needed, but all this place was doing was pissing me off. There were just too many people. I was used to having parties on the beach where there was plenty of room for everyone without being smashed together. Obviously, Sam had a different idea of what a party was.

I stood off to the side, drinking my beer and watching people. I recognized a few faces from some of my smaller classes but not many. I hadn’t made much of an effort to make friends, and it was glaringly obvious that nobody gave a flying fuck about me as they walked past me without a second glance. A group of girls standing across the room seemed to notice me, but I paid them no attention. I had enough problems without one of those girls trying to talk to me.

One of them finally broke away from the group and started to approach me. Before she could even make it halfway across the room, I was gone. There was no point in staying here. I was getting annoyed with everyone. I set my beer down on a table and started walking toward the door.

I noticed Sam standing close to it. He had a strawberry-blonde girl pushed up against the wall, and he was kissing her like he wanted to eat her alive. I walked two more steps before I realized that the girl looked familiar—well, what I could see of her looked familiar. I told myself that I should keep walking, but something stopped me. I came to a standstill a few feet away from them and waited for Sam to move. My blood boiled when he pulled away, and I realized it was Emma.

What the hell is she doing with Sam if she’s dating Andy?

I was torn between getting the hell out of this house and checking on Emma. I knew I needed to talk to her, but now was definitely not the time. My protective side won, and I closed the space between them and me.

I grabbed Sam’s shoulder and pulled him off of Emma.

He spun around. “What the hell?”

“She has a boyfriend.”

“She never mentioned him, so I think you have her confused with someone else. Mind your own business.”

I laughed. “Emma is my business.”

“This is my house. Get the fuck out.”

“I’m not leaving until you let Emma go.”

He lifted his hand so that it was no longer wrapped around Emma’s waist. She stumbled a bit, but she managed to catch herself before she fell. It was obvious that she was drunk.

Where the hell is Andy?

“See, I’m not touching her,” Sam said sarcastically.

“She’s fucking wasted. She’s leaving with me.”

“I don’t think so. Get the fuck out.”

I ground my teeth together, trying to keep my cool. “She’s leaving with me.”

Sam stepped closer until we were inches apart. “I’m going to tell you one more time—get the fuck out of my house.”

I knew I shouldn’t have done it, but I was pissed off. I drew back and hit him as hard as I could. He dropped to the ground. I’d knocked him out cold with one punch.

Emma looked at me with dazed eyes as I stepped over Sam to get to her.

“Emma, you need to come with me.”

She only nodded as I wrapped my arm around her waist and led her to the door. No one got in our way as we walked out the door and back to my house. I was practically carrying Emma as we went.

I kept my arm around her as I unlocked my door and pushed it open. I stood in the doorway, debating on where to put her. The couch was the most obvious choice, but I didn’t want Ally to come home and see her. With the way she’d been tonight, I wasn’t sure what she would do if she saw Emma. I had no idea how long Ally would be gone, and I didn’t want to take a chance. I had only two other options—Ally’s room or mine. Again, things would definitely end badly if Ally came home and Emma was in her bed.

I knew it was stupid, but I carried Emma to my room anyway. I put her down on the bed and placed a trash can beside it in case she needed to puke. Her eyes stayed shut as I covered her up. I sat down beside her and watched as she slept. This was a big mistake, but I couldn’t leave her there with Sam. It was pretty obvious what he’d wanted from her. I wondered again where the hell Andy had been while his girlfriend had been out, getting trashed.

She moaned and opened her eyes. They widened in surprise as she stared up at me.

“Where am I?” she whispered.

“My house. You’re drunk.”

“Am not,” she mumbled as she closed her eyes again.

I couldn’t help but smile. She was always so damn stubborn. I made sure that she was lying on her side in case she got sick. Once I had her situated with a few pillows behind her to keep her from rolling over, I slipped silently from the room to go take a shower. On my way to the bathroom, I grabbed a pair of shorts from the dryer. After stripping down, I turned on the water and stood beneath the spray.

The simple thought of Emma so close and in my bed was enough for me to turn on the cold water.

“Get your head out of your ass. She’s drunk,” I said out loud to myself as the cold water covered me.

I knew I was avoiding the situation as I prolonged my shower, but I couldn’t help it. I loved her, and she was in my fucking bed. Drunk or not, it was enough to drive me nuts.

When the cold shower finally calmed me down, I shut off the water and stepped out. I took my time drying off before finally pulling my shorts on. I took a deep breath as I opened the door and returned to my room. Emma was still in the exact same spot where I’d left her.

I settled down next to her on the bed and moved the pillows so that she could roll over if she wanted to. As soon as they were gone, she rolled until she was facing me. I was silent as I watched her sleep. She looked so damn peaceful as she slept. She looked like the Emma I’d known long ago, not the person she was now. I couldn’t forget the look in her eyes when I stumbled across her on campus. In her sleep, her guard was down.

She mumbled something in her sleep. I leaned forward, trying to hear her better.

“Jesse.”

My heart started beating faster as she said my name again. She smiled in her sleep as she mumbled something else that I didn’t catch. She was dreaming about me—that much I could tell.

Her lips parted, and I couldn’t stop myself. I leaned forward a few inches and pressed my lips against hers. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t help it. I expected to kiss her and move away. What I hadn’t expected was her reaction. She moaned and threw her arm around me as she kissed me back.

It was like the last two years had never happened. I was drowning in her as I kissed her with everything I had. My body was on fire, and I pulled her closer until there wasn’t an inch of space between us. She fit perfectly against me, just like she always had. I knew it was wrong to do this. She was with Andy now, but I didn’t stop. I kissed her lips, her cheeks, and down her neck.

When she pushed her hand between us and cupped me through my shorts, I nearly came right then and there. When it came to her, a simple touch was all I needed. It took everything I had to push her away from me. If I didn’t stop now, I knew I wouldn’t.

She opened her eyes to look at me. As I saw the tears in them, I felt as if someone had reached into my chest and ripped out my heart.

“Why did you have to ruin it all?” she whispered before she passed out.

I felt my world crumbling around me as I closed my eyes.

Chapter Seven: Jesse

“Ugh, my head.”

My eyes snapped open at the sound of Emma’s voice. It took me a second to realize that I wasn’t dreaming. She was really in my bed.

She gasped as she opened her eyes and saw me next to her. “Where am I? Why are you here?”

“You’re at my house. I found you drunk at Sam’s house last night.”

“Oh god.”

“It’s fine. Don’t freak out. Sam was getting a little grabby, but nothing happened.”

“I don’t remember very much from last night. The last thing I remember is Sam handing me a drink. Actually, I remember him handing me a lot of drinks.” It was obvious from her tone that she was pissed. “Where was I when you found me?”

I didn’t want to tell her. “It’s not important.”

“Jesse, tell me where I was at.” She glared at me.

“You were still at his house. He had you up against the wall.” I felt rage fill me again as I remembered how I’d found her. Sam better hope that he doesn’t cross paths with me for a very long time.

“Fuck,” she groaned.

“It’s fine. I saw you before anything happened. I bet Sam has one hell of a headache though.”

“Why?”

“I punched him.”

She smiled for a split second before she winced. “Did you hit me, too? Because my head feels like it’s going to explode.”

“No, that wasn’t me. That was the alcohol.”

We were silent as we stared at each other. Emma seemed to realize that she was in my bed because the next thing I knew, she was throwing the covers off and trying to stand up.

“Where are you going?” I asked, afraid that she would run.

“I shouldn’t be here. I need to go.”

I wanted to ask her if she was going back to Andy, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I knew the answer, and I didn’t need to hear her say it. The thought of her and Andy together made me sick to my stomach.

“At least let me make you some breakfast. You can shower here, too, if you want. You’ll feel better once you’re clean and have some food in you,” I said, trying to get the image of her and Andy out of my head.

She seemed unsure. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t even be around you.”

“Please? We don’t have to talk about…anything. Just a shower and food, and then you can leave.”

She studied me for a moment before nodding. “Shower and food—that’s it. Then, I’m gone.”

“Deal.” I stood up and walked to my dresser. I pulled out a pair of my sweatpants and one of my shirts. “Here—you can wear these.”

I knew it was wrong, but I got some kind of sick satisfaction out of having her wear my clothes. I knew I should back off because she was Andy’s now, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted Andy to see her wearing my clothes. I walked out first to make sure that Ally wasn’t home. When I was satisfied that she wasn’t, I showed Emma where the shower was.

I left her alone and walked to the kitchen to start searching for food. I grabbed a bottle of water and a bottle of pills for her headache, and then I headed back to the bathroom. The door opened silently, and I walked in to put the bottles on the counter. I couldn’t help but look at the shower. The glass was fogged over, so I couldn’t see anything but her outline. I forced myself to turn and walk away before I did something stupid. I didn’t think she’d appreciate it very much if I decided to help her in the shower.

That thought brought back memories that I’d tried to bury. When we had been in London, I’d offered to help her shower. I’d promised to be good, but she hadn’t. I felt my body tighten as I remembered what that shower had led to. I focused all of my attention on making breakfast, so I wouldn’t think about things that could never happen again. There was no use torturing myself.

I finished making eggs and toast, and I put them on the table. I walked to the bathroom to let her know that the food was ready. I stopped short when I noticed the door hanging open. I knew she was gone before I even checked. Sure enough, when I walked into the bathroom, Emma was nowhere to be seen. Her clothes were still lying on the floor, and the pills and water bottle were gone. I rushed to the front door just in time to see her car go flying by.

Damn it.

“Jesse, what are you doing?” a voice called.

I looked over to see Ally walking up the sidewalk to the house. She stopped in front of me and looked up at me questioningly.

“I was just looking outside,” I lied.

She pushed past me and into the house. “Look, I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to say those things to you. My body is all screwed-up from the baby, and I blame the hormones. Will you forgive me?”

“I understand you’re going through a lot, but damn, it’s like you weren’t even you.”

She hung her head. “I know. I just get so jealous when I think about Emma. I just want you to be mine. I was just starting to break through your barriers. Then, she walks back in, and everything goes to hell.”

“Ally, I think we need to talk. Let’s sit down on the couch.”

She eyed me warily as she walked to the couch and sat down. I followed and sat down in the chair across from her.

“Look, I’m just going to come out and say this. I don’t mean to hurt you, but I won’t lead you on.”

“What are you trying to say?” Ally asked quietly.

“I love you, Ally. I just don’t love you in the way you want. I told you that I would help you with this baby, and I will, but I won’t be its father. I can’t. Once you get on your feet, you’ll move on and find someone who cares about you the way you want, and he’ll make a great dad. It just can’t be me.”

“Why? Because you still love her?” she asked tearfully.

“It has nothing to do with Emma. Even if she hadn’t come back into my life, I still couldn’t do it. I don’t want to hurt you, but I don’t want to lead you on. I’m sorry, Ally. I can’t make myself feel something for you if it’s not there.”

“If you gave us some time…”

“Ally, no. There is nothing there. Please let it go.”

I felt like the biggest asshole ever as tears streamed down her face. I never meant to hurt her.

“I understand,” she whispered. “I didn’t sleep any last night, so I’m going to take a shower and try to sleep before I have to go to work.”

I stayed silent as she stood and walked into her room. A few seconds later, she reemerged, carrying clean clothes. I winced as she walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. It was obvious that she was pissed off.

I stood and walked to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast I’d made for Emma. It was pretty obvious that she wasn’t going to eat it. My mind drifted back to last night. I’d kissed Emma even when I knew I shouldn’t have. She wasn’t mine anymore. She was Andy’s. I needed to accept that and let her go.

That was easier said than done. I tried to keep things in perspective. Yes, she’d kissed me back, but she’d been drunk. But she’d said my name in her sleep. That had to mean that she still felt something for me, no matter how hard she tried to hide it. I shouldn’t be happy about that, but I was. The part of me that was actually a decent guy kept reminding me that Andy would get hurt if anything happened between Emma and me. The other part of me—the part that was a prick—couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wanted Emma. The prick side of me was winning.

Just as I reached down and picked up a plate, I heard Ally scream in the bathroom. I dropped the plate, and it shattered everywhere. I paid no attention as I ran toward the bathroom. I threw the door open to see Ally standing by the sink.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She turned to glare at me. “Who the hell was here last night after I left?”

I glanced down at the pile of clothes in front of her. I’d forgotten to pick up Emma’s clothes after she’d snuck out. I cursed under my breath as I reached down and scooped them up.

“Who was it?” Ally demanded.

“Does it matter?” I asked.

I didn’t want to admit that Emma had been here. Ally had enough reasons to hate Emma without this.

“Yeah, it kind of does. It was Emma, wasn’t it?”

“It’s not what you’re thinking.”

“Of course it’s not. You didn’t bring her over here the minute I was out of the house?”

“It wasn’t like that. She needed help.”

“Sure, she did. Of course, it was you who she called instead of Andy. You remember Andy, don’t you? In case you’ve forgotten, he’s her boyfriend.”

“She didn’t ask for my help.”

“It doesn’t matter!” Ally shouted. “She will always be the most important thing to you!”

“Ally, just stop.”

She took a deep breath before she spoke again. “You’re right. I’m overreacting. I’m sorry.”

I had no idea where the hell these mood swings were coming from, but they fucking sucked. Ally had been acting like she was crazy half the time.

“Just forget it, okay?” I said.

“Yeah, I’ll forget it,” she said as she glanced up at me.

There was something in her eyes that chilled me to the bone. While she looked calm, her eyes said otherwise. They were filled with hatred so strong that I took a step back. For the first time in my life, I was scared of Ally and what she was capable of.