Текст книги "Twisted Ties"
Автор книги: K. A. Robinson
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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 14 страниц)
Chapter Twenty-Five: Jesse
The past two weeks had been pure hell. I’d sat helplessly as I watched Emma lay unconscious in her hospital bed. I’d never felt so worthless in my life. I would have given anything to see her open her eyes.
I’d only left to shower and shave. Andy would bring me food every morning and evening when he came in to check on her. I’d even slept in the damn chair in her room, so I would be there when she woke up. I had felt terrified that she’d wake up alone and scared. I never wanted to leave her alone again.
I’d had words with her mother when she arrived. I hadn’t wanted to call her, but I’d known it was the right thing to do. Her number wasn’t in Emma’s phone, so I had called Lucy to get it. Of course, Lucy had freaked out the minute I explained why I needed it. She’d wanted to come out, but she couldn’t due to her classes. I’d promised to call her as soon as anything changed.
Her mom had been cold to me at first when I called her. It had been obvious that she’d felt like I was wasting her time. Once I’d told her about Emma, her attitude had changed. She’d gone from cold bitch to terrified mother in two seconds flat. I hadn’t expected that reaction from her. She had shown up a few hours later, crying and holding Emma’s hand.
I couldn’t help but snap when I had seen her reaction. Why did Emma have to almost die to get that kind of attention from her own mother? I’d called Emma’s mother out on her pathetic attempts at parenting. There had been a lot of shouting. Emma’s dad had walked in right in the middle of it. The look on her mom’s face when he’d strolled over to me and hugged me was priceless. Up until that point, her mom hadn’t even bothered to ask who the hell I was. All she knew was my name and that I was one of Emma’s friends. When her dad had explained that I’d been with Emma for years, her mother had been speechless. She’d finally managed to thank me for what I’d done, but we were still uneasy around each other.
As far as I was concerned, two weeks of good parenting didn’t make up for nineteen years of nothing. She still had a long way to go in my opinion. I was just glad that she’d actually shown up. Emma was going to need a lot of support when she woke up.
I’d watched each day as the bruises and cuts slowly started to heal. Once I had calmed down enough to see the extent of Emma’s injuries, I wanted to kill Ally all over again. She’d tortured Emma. Ally had beaten Emma and cut her over and over again in less than twenty-four hours. I didn’t even want to think about what Ally might have done if she’d had more time. I didn’t want to think about watching her push Emma over the side of the bridge. I didn’t want to think about Ally ever again. I didn’t want to think period.
The doctors had assured us that Emma would wake up. She’d needed time to heal, both mentally and physically. But as one day had turned into two and then three, I’d started to wonder if she’d ever come back to me. Would she want to? It was my fault that she’d suffered so much. If it weren’t for me, she never would have even met Ally. I couldn’t blame Emma if she hated me for everything that had happened to her.
Andy had tried to make me feel better, but it had been no use. Until Emma’s eyes had opened, I’d known I would never find peace. While I’d blamed myself, Andy had put the blame on himself as well. He’d kept saying that Ally was his sister, and he should have known something wasn’t right with her. I wasn’t sure which of us had felt worse.
Emma’s dad had been silent most of the time. For a rock star, he was certainly the quiet, thoughtful type. He’d taken time off from the recording studio to stay with Emma in the hospital. The nurses had brought in extra chairs, so her mom, her dad, and I would all have places to sit. Her parents had stayed with her all day just like I had. When nighttime had rolled around, they would both go to their hotel rooms, only to return first thing in the morning.
My mom had stopped in twice to see how Emma was doing. She’d known nothing of what had happened with Ally before we left California or what Ally had done to me recently. My mom had been shocked to learn that the little girl who had practically grown up at our house had become the ruthless person who tried to kill Emma. When I’d told her everything, my mom had cried for both Emma and Ally. She’d cried for Emma because of everything that she’d gone through, and for Ally because it was obvious that she had been very sick, and no one had noticed. Maybe if we had, things could have ended differently for her. Maybe she would still be alive.
I’d never wanted my mom to know what had happened, but I’d had no choice since I refused to go to class. The university had called her when they couldn’t reach me. She’d called me and demanded an explanation, thinking I was just skipping. She hadn’t expected for me to tell her that I was in the hospital with Emma. She’d called the school and let them know that I wouldn’t be back for a while before rushing to the hospital.
When she had seen Emma unconscious and battered in her hospital bed, she’d lost it again. I knew she always liked Emma, but I hadn’t realized how much until I’d seen the fear in her eyes. She had felt as terrified as I had that Emma would never wake up.
The day Emma opened her eyes was the single most important day of my life. I’d thought I’d imagined her eyelids fluttering, but when I’d begged her to open them, she had. It had been obvious that she had been in a lot of pain, but she had woken up. She would be okay, just like the doctors had said she would. The weight that had been sitting on my chest lifted as soon as she had spoken.
* * *
Emma’s mother wanted her to come back to California, but she refused. She said that West Virginia was her home, and she wasn’t leaving. Her mother finally caved after I told her that I’d take her to my house to watch over her. I thought I was slowly starting to grow on her. She’d promised to visit at least once a month, but I had no idea if she really would, and I didn’t care.
Her dad left the day after her mom went home. He wanted to stay, but was forced to fly back only a few days after Emma woke up. The band was three weeks behind schedule, and their label was pressuring them to get their latest album recorded. I promised to keep him informed on how Emma was doing.
Her dad had called the school and informed them of the situation before he flew back to California. She was pulled from all of her classes for the semester, and I went to her dorm room to pack the rest of her things. Only a few things were left there since she’d slowly started bringing her stuff to my house before everything had gone to hell. I packed what was left and brought all of it back to my house. I hoped that having the rest of her stuff with her would help her feel safer once she was back home.
We spent another week in the hospital before Emma was released with strict orders to rest. The doctor gave me a list of psychiatrists in case she needed to talk to someone about what had happened. She’d refused to speak with any of the doctors or nurses about what she’d gone through while she was with Ally.
The day I took her home, Andy helped me get her into my car, and he followed us back to my house. Emma was still sore and extremely weak after three weeks in a hospital bed. We had to help her inside and sit her on the couch. The doctor had prescribed her painkillers to help while she healed.
I had Andy stop by my house to change the locks the day before Emma came home. I didn’t want to take a chance that Ally would come back to hurt Emma again. We would never have closure until Ally’s body was found, and there was no certainty that it would be. I hated that Emma would always be looking over her shoulder. I knew deep down that Ally was gone, but it would be a long time before I stopped looking for her everywhere. I refused to let her or anyone else hurt Emma ever again.
Andy or I stayed with Emma constantly the first few days. Andy was sleeping in Ally’s old room, so he could help out. He would leave for work, but that was it. The guilt that tortured me was also eating him alive. We both felt responsible for what had happened.
Emma and I had never had a chance to talk about the events of that night while she had been in the hospital. Someone had always been around. After she came home, it seemed like Andy would appear anytime I tried to talk to her about it.
She was quiet for the first few days after she had been released from the hospital. She would spend hours on the couch, staring at the wall. I knew she needed to talk about what had happened, but I wasn’t sure how to get her to open up.
I slept on the couch while she stayed in my bed. I missed sleeping beside her, but I was afraid that she didn’t want me there. I didn’t want to push her when she was so fragile. I wouldn’t be the one to break her.
She had nightmares almost every night. She would wake up screaming, and I’d rush to her side. I could never get her to talk about them. Instead, I’d hold her as she cried.
* * *
Weeks passed by in slow motion as Emma’s body slowly healed. Once she was fully healed, Andy moved back into his apartment. I wasn’t sure if he had done it to give us space or for the simple fact that he couldn’t stand to look at her blank face anymore. She only spoke when we would ask her a question. The rest of the time, she was silent.
I finally reached my breaking point one afternoon when I came home to see her sitting in the exact same spot she’d been in when I left hours before. She hadn’t moved a muscle. I couldn’t take this any longer. Either she opened up to me, or I would call her dad. Maybe he could get her to talk or at least set her up with a therapist. She needed to talk to someone even if it wasn’t me. She couldn’t keep living inside of herself.
I slammed my books down on the bedside table harder than I’d meant to. She jumped and looked up at me. I didn’t think she’d even noticed that I’d come home until then.
“Emma, this has to stop.” I sat down next to her on the bed.
“What?”
“You can’t keep living like this. It isn’t working for either of us.”
“You’re right,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry that I came here. I never meant to bring you into this.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You want me to leave. I understand why.”
“Emma, I don’t want you to leave. I want you to talk to me.”
“I don’t understand. You’ve been sleeping on the couch, and you barely talk to me.”
“I’m on the couch because I thought it was what you wanted. I thought you needed space. And I’ve tried to talk to you, but it’s kind of hard when you only give me one-word answers. You’ve been living in your own head for weeks, and I have no idea what you’re thinking. You have to help me understand what’s going on in there. I want to help you in any way I can.”
“I don’t want to lose you, but I feel like you’re slipping away, and there’s nothing I can do to change that,” she said.
“I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to. I’ve been trying to give you space, so you can figure things out.”
“I’m so scared of everything. I keep reliving everything that she did to me,” she said as tears filled her eyes.
“She’s gone, Emma. She can’t hurt you anymore.”
“Part of me knows that, but the other part wants to hide under the bed. I keep waiting for her to show up again.”
“You’re safe. She will never touch you again.”
“I kept picturing you every time she would hurt me, you know. I willed myself to be strong enough to overcome it, so I could see you again.” She took a deep breath. “I tried to fight back when she showed up here. I wasn’t strong enough though. She won without even trying. Then, I tried to get away at the house where she was keeping me. I pushed her down a flight of stairs, Jesse. What kind of person does that make me to do something like that to another human being?”
“You were trying to protect yourself. No one thinks badly of you for it.”
I hated how much this was hurting her. Anyone else in her position would have done the exact same thing. Emma was one of the few people in this world who would feel guilt from causing pain to her would-be killer.
“She made me pay for that. That’s why she cut me. She said she wanted to hurt me because I’d hurt her. The pain was horrible, Jesse. I wanted to die when she sliced through my skin.”
I could barely stand to sit here and listen to her talk about what Ally had done, but I knew I had to. Emma had to talk to someone. She had to get it all out. That didn’t make it any less painful for me though.
“I’ve never felt anything like that. She did it slowly, so I felt every centimeter.”
“I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, Emma,” I choked out.
“It’s not your fault.”
“But it is. If it weren’t for me, you never would have had to go through that. I’m so sorry.”
“None of us realized just how sick she was. She loved you so much that it drove her crazy—literally. She kept telling me that once I was gone, you’d finally let me go and realize that you loved her back. She thought that you loved her but didn’t know it. She blamed me for the fact that you refused to love her back.”
“Maybe if I hadn’t been so cruel to her, then she would have reacted differently.”
Emma shook her head. “I don’t think so. I don’t think there was anything you or I could have done to help her. She was too far gone, lost in her own mind. It didn’t matter what I told her. She refused to listen. Whatever you said to her that night on the phone saved my life. She’d planned to keep me for a while, but then she said she didn’t have time for all the stuff she had planned because she had to meet with you. If you hadn’t talked with her, she would have tortured me and killed me slowly.”
“I told her that I loved her.”
Emma smiled weakly. “She obviously believed you. I just wish that I could make myself forget all of it. I’m so tired of replaying it over and over in my head.”
“Is that what your nightmares are about?” I asked.
“Sometimes, I dream about what happened. Other times, I dream about what would have happened if she’d had the time. Occasionally, it’s about her sneaking in while you’re asleep on the couch, and then she smothers me in your bed.” She shuddered. “When she knocked me out, I had a dream that you saved me, but she killed you for it. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I thought it was real. I thought that I’d lost you.”
“I’m not going anywhere, baby. Don’t worry about that. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to sleep beside you again. Maybe it will help with the dreams if I’m with you.”
“I’d like that,” she whispered.
I pulled her into my arms. It felt so good to hold her again. “We’ll get through this, Emma. I swear, we will.”
“I hope so.”
“I think you should see someone. You need to get it all out.”
“A therapist?”
I nodded. “Yeah, the doctor gave me a few names when you were in the hospital. Will you let me call one of them for you?”
She was silent for a moment. “I’ll try to talk with one of them, but I can’t promise that it’ll help.”
“I think it will. I’ll call first thing tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to hold you in my arms.”
I stood and picked her up. She smiled for the first time in weeks as I carried her to my bed and laid her down. I crawled in next to her and pulled her close. I’d missed this. I’d missed her.
Things would work out. They had to. I wouldn’t let her go without a fight.
Chapter Twenty-Six: Jesse
Three Months Later
Emma was healing. I could see the changes daily. It took a couple of weeks for her therapy sessions to start helping her, but I noticed the changes as soon as they happened. It was hard not to notice when I was watching her every move. I was terrified to let her out of my sight.
The only time I left her side was when I was in class or grocery shopping. I would make sure to stock up on enough food, so I only had to go to the store once or twice a month. Hell, I was even learning to cook a few things. It was a big change after living off of cereal most of the time.
The changes in Emma were small at first, beginning with a smile here and there. She started to talk more, and then the nightmares stopped coming every night. She still had them, but instead of being a constant in her life, they slowed to once or twice a week.
I nearly dropped my bag on my foot the day I came home to hear her talking to her dad on the phone. Up until then, she’d refused to talk to anyone. Instead, I was forced to tell them how she was doing.
Andy came over a couple of times a week for dinner, but he stayed away more often than not. When I asked him why, he told me that he couldn’t stand to look at Emma after what his own sister had done. The guilt was killing him inside. No matter how many times I explained to him that it wasn’t his fault, he refused to believe it. Emma noticed his absence and asked what was wrong. I lied and told her that he was working more hours. She had enough to deal with without adding Andy’s guilt to her conscience.
Valentine’s Day had been almost nonexistent in our house. In an attempt to cheer Emma up, I offered to take her out for dinner. She refused, saying that she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate any kind of holiday. I agreed not to go out, but I still bought her a present. Instead of being excited when I handed her the small box with a necklace inside, she was upset that she hadn’t gotten me anything. I told her that it didn’t matter, but she refused to listen. A few days later, a package showed up for me with a new CD. I couldn’t help but laugh at her choice of music. She was trying at least.
Emma was meeting with her therapist three times a week. When she first started seeing him, she refused to talk about her sessions with me. I hated that. I felt like she was trying to keep me away. I didn’t want her to push me away or protect me from what was going on inside of that head of hers. I wanted her to feel like she could trust me. She finally started opening up to me a few weeks after she’d started. Even though she didn’t share much, she was still sharing. I’d take anything I could get at this point. I wasn’t picky. I just wanted in.
She decided to start going to school again. She only took a few classes, but they were enough to keep her occupied. Before then, the only time she would leave the house had been for her sessions. It was good to see her out again. I even convinced her to go watch a movie with her friend, Abby.
Emma was slowly coming back. The only thing that wasn’t healed was our relationship. I knew she was trying, but it still felt strained. I was afraid that we’d never be the same again. I didn’t want Ally to win. I wanted to show Emma how much I still loved her.
I decided to do something special for her. I’d racked my brain for days, trying to come up with an idea that would mean something to her. I wished that we were closer to the beach, so I could take her surfing. Since that was out, I had to come up with another plan. I was getting a lot better at cooking, so I decided to do a romantic dinner. I even went as far as picking up a dozen roses, and I bought enough candles to put the store out of stock. I just hoped that my plan would work.
I hurried home after class to set everything up. Emma had a late class, so it gave me enough time to make dinner and get everything ready. I put the roses in a vase at the center of the table and covered every surface in the kitchen with candles. We were at the very end of winter, so I could count on the sun setting early enough to make sure we had a dark candlelight dinner to set the mood. I wanted to be the most ridiculously romantic guy in the world for her.
Everything was ready when she finally made it home. I was sitting at the table, waiting for her, when I heard her keys unlocking the door. I held my breath as I listened to her throw her bag down by the door before heading to the kitchen. I prayed that this would work. I needed this to work.
“Hey, I’m home,” she called out as she entered the kitchen. She stopped dead when she noticed the candles everywhere.
“Welcome home.”
“What’s this?”
“It’s…” What is it? A peace offering? Kind of. An attempt to show her how much I still love her? Definitely. “It’s a dinner,” I said lamely.
“I can see that. But why?”
I stood and walked over to her. I grabbed her hands and pulled her closer. “Because I love you. I want things to go back to the way they used to be with us.”
Her eyes widened in shock. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything right now. Let me talk while you eat.”
I pulled her over to the table and pushed her gently into a chair. I lifted the foil off the top of the lasagna and grabbed her plate. After filling it and placing it back in front of her, I did the same with mine. She was quiet as she watched me. I ignored her stare as I sat down and picked up my fork. I wanted her to relax before we started talking about everything. Tonight would decide everything for us. It was now or never. We couldn’t keep living the way we had been. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“I thought you wanted to talk,” she said as she stared at me.
I hesitated. “I do. I just don’t know where to start. I had all of this planned out in my head, but you walked through the door, and now, I’m blank.”
“Jesse, just say what you want to say. You won’t hurt me.”
“I can’t keep living like this. I love you, Emma, but it’s killing me. You’re doing so much better in every aspect of your life, except with me. I’m not sure if you’re still having a hard time with everything or if you just don’t feel what you used to feel when it comes to me.”
“I’m hurting you.” It was a statement, not a question.
I nodded. “I know you’re not doing it on purpose, but you are. I just want to know where we stand. I want things to be okay between us again. If you still want to be with me, tell me how to fix us, and I swear that I will.”
“I still love you, Jesse. It’s just that I still can’t get over what Ally did to me. I’m not in a good place right now. Granted, I’m a lot better than I was a month or two ago, but I’m still not me, not entirely. I don’t want to drag you down with me.”
“You’re supposed to drag me into it. It’s my job to be there for you when you need someone to talk to.”
“I don’t want to bother you,” she whispered.
“You could never bother me. I want you to feel like you can talk to me.”
She bit her lip as she stared at me. “I’m so scared…of everything. I’m starting to move past what she did to me, but I’m still terrified that she’s going to come back. I’m afraid that you’ll leave me, and I’ll be on my own. I don’t think I could handle that.”
I pushed my chair back and walked over to her. Her eyes were full of tears as she looked up at me.
“I will never leave you—never. I love you, Emma. I just want us to go back to the way things were.”
“I want that, too, but I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me if I tell you everything that goes on inside of my head.”
I grinned. “With the exception of you thinking about Andy naked, nothing could scare me away. Will you talk to me? Please.”
She studied me for a moment before nodding. “I can try. I just don’t know where to start.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Huh?” she asked.
“It doesn’t matter where you start. All that matters is where we’re at when you’re done.”
She smiled at me. “I know where I want to end.”
* * *
We finished dinner in silence. I wanted to give her space to figure out how she wanted to start. I didn’t want to pressure her or scare her into telling me. She had to do it on her own.
Once we were finished, we put our plates in the sink and cleaned up.
“Do you want me to put out the candles now?” I asked, unsure of what would happen next.
“No, leave them, but I want you to come with me.”
I raised an eyebrow as she took my hand and led me back to the bedroom. Now, I really had no clue what was going on inside her head. She walked into the bedroom and stopped next to the bed.
“I love you, Jesse.”
“I love you, too.”
“I want to ask you to do something for me, but only if you’re okay with it.”
“I’d do anything you asked me to do.”
“I want you to make love to me.”
That definitely wasn’t what I’d expected to hear. I stood frozen as I tried to process what she’d just said.
“I…”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she said.
“Emma, I can’t think of a time when I’d ever turn down that request. I just don’t understand where this is coming from.”
“I just…I need you.”
“I need you, too. I just don’t want you to do this and regret it. I want you to be okay first. I can wait for this as long as you need me to.”
“Being with you will help me get a little closer to okay. I’ve needed it since the beginning.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked.
I reached up and ran my thumb along her cheek. She closed her eyes as I continued to run my thumb back and forth across her skin.
“I didn’t know how to ask.”
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. The simple gesture caused a shudder to run through her. I pressed my lips harder against hers. She wrapped her arms around me as she pulled me closer. I wanted this badly, but I was afraid that she would regret it later.
“One more time before we get too far into this—are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she whispered.
I picked her up and laid her gently on the bed. I slowly crawled on top of her, afraid to make her uncomfortable or uneasy. I didn’t want to do anything to screw this up for her. If she was willing to take this step with me, I wanted it to be perfect.
I kissed her lips again before moving to her jaw. She moved her head to the side to give me access to her neck. I kissed there, too. It had been so long since we’d been together, and it was killing me to go slow. I wanted to rip off her clothes and bury myself deep inside her right now. I held back as I peppered her face and neck with butterfly kisses. I wouldn’t let my dick control me. After everything she’d been through, she deserved better than that.
She sat up and slipped her shirt over her head. I lifted my arms as she pulled my shirt off next. She reached behind her and unclasped her bra. I clenched my hands into fists as she lay down to keep from reaching out for her. I had to go slow.
She smiled shyly, and I was transported back to our first time together. She’d been so sweet and innocent then, and she still was even now. She’d been through hell, but she would always be my Emma. I ran my fingers down her cheek before continuing down to the swell of her breasts. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. I wasn’t sure if it was from nerves or excitement.
“You okay?”
“Better than okay.”
I smiled as I trailed my fingers between her breasts and down her stomach. I loved her softness. I’d missed touching her like this. I leaned over and ran my tongue over one of her nipples. She sucked in a breath as her hands grabbed my shoulders. I took that as confirmation that it was okay, and I did it again to her other nipple. Her back arched off the bed as I took one in my mouth and sucked gently.
“Oh god, that feels so good,” she moaned. “Don’t stop.”
“I won’t.” I didn’t think it was possible for me to stop at this point even if I wanted to.
This time was different from any of the others. It wasn’t just sex. It was a way for her to heal.
I reached between us and unbuttoned her jeans. I pulled them down just a bit and ran my fingers across the top of her underwear.
Her breath hitched, and she wiggled underneath me. “Take them off.”
I stood at the foot of the bed and slowly pulled her jeans and underwear down her legs. I couldn’t help but stare at her naked form on the bed. She was beautiful.
I pulled my jeans and boxers off before getting back onto the bed. I started kissing her ankle, working my way up her leg with light kisses. When I reached her knee, I pushed her legs apart. The scars were faint from where Ally had cut her, but I could see them. I kissed my way up first one scar and then the other.
“Does it bother you?” she asked as she stared down at me.
I shook my head. “Not at all.”
“I just wish they would go away. I don’t want you to have to look at them.”
“Emma, they don’t matter to me.” I eased up her body to where the thin scars went across her stomach. I kissed them, too. “You’re the only thing that matters to me.”
“Thank you,” she whispered as tears filled her eyes.
We didn’t speak after that. My lips moved against her skin as I kissed back down her body. I ran my fingers across her hips, slowly making my way down. She gasped as I ran my finger between her folds, stopping on that one spot that drove her crazy. I stroked her clit slowly, building her up, as I kissed my way back up to her breasts. I sucked on one before biting down gently. I started rubbing circles around her clit as she moaned and raised her hips up against me. I released her nipple and bit down on my lip as I tried to stay in control. I was hanging on by a thread and touching her naked body wasn’t helping. I pulled my hand away, and she cried out in displeasure.
“Don’t stop!”
“I’m not.” My voice was gruff as I pushed her body down onto the bed and positioned myself over her.
I couldn’t wait anymore. I had to have her. I slid into her slowly, afraid that I would come before we even started. Every part of my body demanded that I take her hard and fast. We hadn’t been together in months, and she was tight. I moaned as I filled her completely. Nothing in the world could compare to this.
“I love you, Emma.”
“I love you, too.”
I pulled out and pushed back inside, going slow to make sure that I didn’t hurt her. I wanted everything about this to be perfect for her. She wrapped her legs around my hips, pulling me deeper inside her. I groaned as my thrusts became harder. I couldn’t contain myself any longer. The need to be with her took complete control of me, and I let go.
“I’ll never leave you. I swear it,” I said as I continued to pound into her.
She moaned in response and squeezed her legs tighter around me. My thrusts became erratic as I tried to keep myself from coming. I wouldn’t come until she did. I leaned down and sucked her nipple into my mouth. She cried out, and I felt her body tense as she came. I continued to suck and thrust my hips, prolonging her orgasm as long as possible.
