Текст книги "On the Record"
Автор книги: K. A. Linde
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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
Chapter 19
THE BOUTIQUE
Hayden left for Charlotte that evening. Liz tried to act normal throughout the remainder of his visit, but she was emotionally exhausted.
She knew that Brady was out of her life. She had known it every day since she had walked out on him, but still in the back of her mind she had always secretly hoped that it would work out. Now that hope was gone.
Before that night, she hadn’t realized how hard she had clung to that feeling. It hadn’t even been a realistic or rational expectation. She had known that, but it was Brady Maxwell. She would have clung to his memory forever. She was sure of it. But he had erased that too. She was supposed to act as if he had never existed.
The guilt of her actions ate at her, though. When she saw Hayden the weight pressed down on her shoulders and tried to crush her. They spent their one-year anniversary over a fancy dinner. Hayden gave her small diamond earrings. She had stared at them in shock. She knew he had a real job now and that he could buy her things, but she hadn’t been expecting it. Part of it was him trying to make up for their argument and part of it was just how much he adored her. The itch to tell him about Brady grew a bit each day.
When they talked on the phone, all she wanted to do was blurt out what had happened. Somehow she held her tongue. Even when she was away from him over Thanksgiving and Christmas, all Liz could think about was that one word, the one word that threatened to undo her.
Cheating.
She had cheated on Hayden. One kiss. A drive with Brady. The feel of his hands sliding across the waistline of her pants. Emotional attachment that had lasted far too long.
She had taken Hayden back. She had made him feel terrible for how he had treated her. And what kind of person was she? Harboring feelings for another man, hiding secrets from him for over a year, kissing someone else and never telling him. She was a coward. But she had lost Brady, and she hadn’t been willing to lose Hayden too.
They spent their second New Year’s together at a bar in D.C. with Jamie and James. Besides the nagging guilt that settled into the pit of her stomach, their relationship was smoother than ever. And she wanted to keep it that way, so she did the only thing she knew how: she buried the guilt and kept her secrets.
She spent the week before school at the New York Times and wasn’t able to see Hayden once school got back in because she was so busy. Two weeks into the semester, she and Victoria received invitations to a banquet for their Morehead scholarships. It was an annual thing for seniors to thank them for dedicating so much time to the school and the enhancement of their education. It was supposed to be pretty dull, but they were told it had free alcohol so it was always full.
Victoria used anything as an excuse to go shopping, which was how Liz ended up in a dress boutique in downtown Durham looking for the perfect thing to wear to the banquet.
“Okay, bitch, I have fifty dresses and you only have one. How is that even possible?” Victoria asked, holding a pile of dresses in her arms.
“I already have something to wear,” Liz said with a shrug.
“You are not wearing that champagne dress in the back of your closet!” Victoria snapped. “I know that’s what you’re thinking.”
Liz bit her lip. No way was she wearing the champagne dress she had gotten for Brady’s gala event. That would be torture. “I wasn’t planning to.”
“Good. Now find a couple more options to try on so I’m not in there alone.” With that she turned and walked into the first dressing room.
Liz rolled her eyes. She grabbed two more dresses that she had been eyeing earlier and took the room next to Victoria. It all really was pointless. She had plenty of dresses that she could wear to an event like this that no one had ever seen her in. Well, Hayden had probably seen her in most of them, and he was her date, but that didn’t matter. Hayden didn’t count.
The first dress was a knee-length black dress with a high neck and slight shimmer to it. She liked it, but it was a little tight through the hips, and she didn’t love it by any means. Victoria vetoed it immediately. The second dress, a baby-pink lace ensemble, also received an instant no.
Victoria would be trying on her dresses forever, so Liz took her time with the last one, the one that she had liked the most originally. She carefully pulled the zipper down to the bottom and stepped into the silky material. Finding the edge of the zipper, she pulled it back into place.
She stared at herself in the mirror and a sad smile crossed her face. The black dress was exquisitely cut and molded to her body in a way that made it seem it had been made for her. It was cap-sleeved with an extensively beaded bodice that hugged her torso. A soft silk material covered her athletic hips down to just a few inches above her knees. The back created a U shape to the middle of her back.
It was beautiful. Unbelievably beautiful. Probably too beautiful to waste on a scholarship banquet.
Suddenly her vision blurred as tears marred her eyes. Liz saw herself then as a mirage. A woman floating and indistinguishable amongst her surroundings.
It was ridiculous for her to be near tears just from looking at a boutique dress. She hadn’t cried since the night of the argument with Hayden. Why was she crying now? She willed her tears away, but they refused, and she got a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.
She loved Hayden. She adored Hayden. He was everything she ever wanted. Well, almost. Her stomach tightened painfully.
He was everything she ever needed. Taking a deep breath, she accepted that. Listing his qualities would take too long, and she knew what a great man he was. She didn’t need to convince herself. Yet as her eyes lifted back to the mirror, a tear trailed slowly down her pale cheek.
The guilt of what she had done was weighing on her heavier than ever. All she wanted to do was tell someone, anyone. But the one person she could talk to about it never wanted to see her again, and the one person she needed to talk to about it would never forgive her. He loved her, but how could he accept what she had done?
“Hey, bitch, check out this one,” Victoria said, banging on her dressing room door.
Liz wiped at her face and tried to compose herself before opening the door.
“You look great!” Victoria said, checking out the dress. When she looked back up at Liz, though, she tilted her head and furrowed her brow. “What’s this about? You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she croaked. She wasn’t hiding anything from her best friend.
“I mean, it’s just a dress, Liz. I think it looks great.” The look on Victoria’s face made it all too clear to Liz that Victoria knew it wasn’t the dress. “Now, what’s really wrong?” Victoria demanded, planting her hands on her hips.
Liz shook her head. “Nothing, Vic, I’m fine. No worries. Just a beautiful dress, huh?” she said, lying through her teeth.
“What the fuck is going on?”
“Nothing! Can’t I appreciate a good-looking dress?” She turned away from Victoria and looked at herself in the boutique’s trifold mirror.
“If it makes you cry that much, then don’t get it,” Victoria said flatly.
A tear rolled down Liz’s face when she stared at her reflection again. She very clearly looked as if she had been crying. God, she needed to get it together.
“Okay. I can’t make light of this anymore. What the fuck happened? Just fucking spit it out.”
“I kissed someone else!” Liz said, covering her mouth as soon as the words left it. She crouched in the middle of the dressing room and covered her face. Even as her tears continued falling, she brushed them away and looked back up at her friend.
Victoria’s mouth was hanging open and she was staring at Liz as if she had never seen her before. Liz shrank in on herself even more at the expression. Yeah, she was a terrible person.
“Oh my God! Was it recently?” Victoria asked, her eyes as large as saucers.
“No.”
“Was it that night when you and Hayden got into an argument last October?”
Liz stood up and pushed her hair off her face. She felt clammy and slightly nauseated, but it felt good to get it out for the first time ever.
“Yeah. It was.”
“I knew it!” Victoria shrieked.
“Yeah, you guessed it. I’m a terrible girlfriend who cheated on her perfect fucking boyfriend. Yay! So glad you were right,” Liz said in frustration. She felt like shit.
“Oh, please, your boyfriend is not perfect! He pushed you into someone else’s arms. I would have fucked someone else that night. You were totally in the right.”
“I was not!” Liz cried. “Are you insane? I kissed someone else while I’m dating Hayden.”
“Well, don’t tell the whole world,” Victoria said, nodding her head into the boutique.
Liz shook her head. She hadn’t been paying any attention to what was going on around her. “I’m going to change. I just want to go home.”
“Yeah, but you should get that dress.”
“I don’t want it.”
“But it’s like your meltdown dress. You need it.”
“Whatever,” Liz said, walking into the dressing room.
“So, who is the guy?” Victoria prodded after a couple silent seconds.
“It doesn’t matter.”
Liz took the dress off and put it back on the hanger before sliding back into her jeans and sweater. She was in and out of there in no time at all, but when she walked back out, Victoria was still in her dress.
“But really . . . you’re not going to tell me?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Um . . . it does.”
“Let’s just go,” Liz said, placing the dress on the return rack and folding her arms over her chest.
“You have been beating yourself up about this since October, and you’re not going to even talk about it with me now?” Victoria asked. She actually looked hurt.
Liz ran her hands over her face and tried to decide what to do. She had already confessed to Victoria, and her friend wasn’t judging her. In fact, the only thing she seemed perturbed about at all was the fact that Liz hadn’t told her sooner. Maybe she could trust Victoria.
It would be so nice to have someone to talk to about this. It wasn’t as if Brady were ever coming back into her life. The secret wasn’t even that important anymore. It was just something she had always kept at this point. But really, who was Victoria going to tell? Certainly not Hayden, and anyone she and Brady had been concerned about was long out of the picture.
“So . . . you remember last summer, not this past year but the year before that, how I told you I was seeing someone?” Liz offered.
“Yeah,” Victoria said eagerly.
“I called him that night Hayden and I argued. He picked me up and we went to his condo. We made out. I freaked out and he brought me home.”
“Holy shit! You’re sneaky.” Victoria jumped from one foot to the other. “This is so exciting! I’m usually the dirty one.”
Liz couldn’t help but laugh. What else could she do?
“How could you call him, go to his condo, and kiss, but not fuck? I’m astonished at your self-control!”
“I wanted to, but it didn’t feel right. It’s complicated,” Liz told her.
“Um . . . it’s not complicated. You insert his dick inside—”
“Whoa!” Liz said, holding her hand up. “You don’t have to give away Victoria’s secret.”
“Oh, ha ha! You’re so fucking original.” Victoria rolled her eyes. “So seriously, who is the guy?”
Liz sighed heavily. She couldn’t tell. She just couldn’t. Especially not out in public.
“Can we talk about this somewhere more private?” Liz pleaded.
Victoria clapped her hands together and dashed into the dressing room. A few minutes later, she had all of the dresses hanging haphazardly on the rack, with her selection and Liz’s black beaded dress in her hand. She paid for both through Liz’s protests and then quickly hurried Liz out of the boutique.
“Okay,” Victoria said when they were finally seated in her car.
“Let’s go home. It’s probably safer,” Liz said ominously. She didn’t trust Victoria not to drive them into a telephone pole.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
Liz swallowed, her throat constricting the closer they got to home. She was warring with herself on what she could and couldn’t tell Victoria. She desperately wanted to confide in someone. It was making her crazy. She had held this in for a year and a half and she didn’t want to have to hide anymore. She didn’t want to reveal it to the entire populace or anything. In fact, that was the last thing she wanted.
She still valued Brady’s career and would do everything in her power to keep their relationship from hurting him. That was the reason she had left in the first place. If she didn’t believe in that, then she never would have left.
Victoria pulled into their driveway twenty minutes later and practically skipped to the front door. At least someone was enjoying this.
Once Liz was inside, she took a seat on the couch and tucked her feet up underneath her. While Victoria sat in the chair across from her, bouncing with anticipation, Liz picked at her nails. She didn’t even know where to begin or what to say. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything.
But the one thing she had learned about the entire situation was that secrets were heavy. Mentally, physically, emotionally—they exhausted her. And she had quite the secret tucked away in her heart.
“Well . . . we’re home and it’s safe,” Victoria offered. “I’m literally dying over here. I’ve been curious about this guy since you first told me about him, and to think you saw him in October.”
“It’s really not something to be excited about. There’s a reason I’ve been keeping it all secret,” Liz explained.
“I remember you saying that he asked you to keep it secret. Still shitty to me, if I do say so.”
Liz breathed out heavily. “I know why you think that, but it’s a necessary precaution. I just want you to promise me that you’re not going to tell anyone about this. I’m already kind of freaked out. I mean, I think I should tell Hayden about what happened, but God, I don’t even know how to do that. I don’t want him to hate me.”
“He’s not going to hate you.”
“You don’t know that.”
Victoria rolled her eyes. “I do too. He’s crazy about you.”
“Maybe. So, do you promise?”
“Of course, who am I going to tell?”
“Absolutely no one,” Liz said, trying to drill it into her head.
“Right. I promise not to say anything. I can’t see how it’s that big a deal though,” Victoria said dismissively.
Liz took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. She didn’t have any idea how to start, so she just blurted it out: “Brady Maxwell.”
Victoria sat very still for a second. Her eyes were glued to Liz, but didn’t give anything away. Then slowly the name seemed to sink in and her eyes gradually grew in size. Her mouth dropped open slightly and she stopped bouncing.
“Wait . . . like Brady Maxwell, Brady Maxwell? Like the congressman you interviewed?” Victoria asked.
“Um . . . yeah,” Liz whispered. She felt as if she could breathe properly for the first time in a long while. She had been carrying that secret around for so long. She hadn’t known she would feel so relieved now that it was out.
“Whoa!” Victoria said, falling back into her chair. “You were banging a congressman. Is he married?”
“No. He’s not,” Liz said tensely.
“I just . . . wow. You were right. I wasn’t expecting that at all. I definitely thought you were going to tell me one of Hayden’s friends or something and that’s why it was a big secret. I never in a million years would have guessed you were fucking that hot specimen.” She was clearly shocked, because Victoria didn’t ramble. “Is he good in bed?”
Liz laughed softly. “Um . . . yeah. Very good.”
“So wait . . . a sitting congressman picked you up from the newspaper, took you to his condo, and you didn’t fuck him?” Victoria asked, slapping her hands on the armrests. “Are you out of your mind? Are you not attracted to power? Why did it end? What happened last summer? Gah, give me details! I need to know.”
Tears sprang to Liz’s eyes again without warning. She pushed her palms into her eyes to stop them. “You don’t understand,” she murmured. “I was a liability to the campaign. I’d written negative stuff about him and they already weren’t sure he was going to win. He only won by a slim margin as it was, and if anyone found out we were together, he wouldn’t have. Any small slipup had the potential to ruin him.”
“So he broke it off? They forced you out?” Victoria whispered. “Bastard!”
“No,” Liz said, shaking her head. Victoria hopped off the chair and plopped down into the seat next to her. “I left.”
“You left? But why?”
“I didn’t think he’d choose me over the campaign and I didn’t want him to. I believe in him and I wanted him to pursue his dreams, but after I saw him, he told me that he was as much of a wreck as I was after the split,” Liz said, her hands shaking as she finally spilled everything to her best friend.
“Oh my God, then go to him!”
“It’s complicated. He’s dating someone. I’m with Hayden. Brady closed that door, Vic. He told me that he didn’t even want to be a memory to me anymore. I hurt him past the point of recovery and I was too much of a coward to tell Hayden. And ever since I’ve just felt like complete and total shit.”
“Oh, Liz,” Victoria said with a sigh. “I really don’t know what to tell you. If you feel like you were in the wrong—which, trust me, I don’t think you were—then maybe you should tell Hayden.”
“You think?”
She couldn’t do it. It hurt too much. He would leave her. But maybe she deserved it. Maybe the truth would set her free. Maybe it would lift the weight off her chest.
“What’s the worst that could happen?” Victoria asked.
“He would leave me.”
“And considering you were making out with a politician a couple months ago, that might not be that bad.”
Chapter 20
THE BANQUET
Is that your politician?” Victoria asked, coming out of her bedroom dressed to the nines for the banquet tonight. Liz couldn’t believe the first month of her last semester had already passed so quickly.
Liz stared at the screen where Brady stood in front of a podium in a three-piece black suit. He looked gorgeous. “Yeah, that’s him.”
“He’s so smoking hot.”
“Mmm . . .”
“What’s he talking about?” Victoria asked after a minute.
“He’s running for reelection. It’s not a surprise,” Liz told her. “Everyone knew that he would. He’s into it for life.”
“You make it sound like a prison sentence.”
Sometimes Liz thought it was.
“Do you think he’ll win? Is he going to come to campus? Are you going to see him?” Victoria prodded.
Ever since Liz had told Victoria about Brady it had been this way. Liz wasn’t sure if Victoria was more excited that Liz had done something completely out of character or because it was something that maybe even topped her crazy stories. But as much of a relief as it was to finally have told someone about what had happened, it was wearing on Liz’s nerves having to talk about Brady every day. She had been trying not to think about him for over a year. This wasn’t helping.
“Yes, I think he’ll win. I have no idea if he will come to campus. And no,” Liz said in a sad, frustrated tone, “I won’t see him.”
Victoria shrugged. “Can’t hurt anything if you did.”
“Oh, yes, it could,” Liz murmured.
“Nothing besides your vagina.”
Liz rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “I’m not going to sleep with him.”
“Not with that attitude.”
“Boyfriend,” Liz reminded her.
“Details.”
“Pretty important details,” Liz said, standing up and running her hands back through the tresses she had expertly put curls into. She had completed her hair and makeup for the Morehead scholarship banquet thirty minutes ago, but she wasn’t ready to slip into her dress until right before they had to leave. “Especially considering that detail is about to walk through our front door.”
“Are you going to tell him?” Victoria asked.
“I haven’t decided,” Liz said, her stomach dipping uncomfortably. She hated hiding it from Hayden, but telling him about Brady made her even more anxious. “Just don’t say anything, okay?”
“I’m sworn to secrecy.”
“Good,” Liz said over her shoulder as she walked into her bedroom.
She stripped out of her lounge clothes and tugged the boutique dress off of the hanger. She stepped into the dress and pulled the zipper into place. Strapping on silver glitter high heels, she looked herself over in the mirror once. Her hand moved to her neck and she sighed.
She wasn’t looking forward to her decision tonight. Should she tell Hayden? Her hand reached for the jewelry box on her dresser, and she gingerly removed Brady’s necklace from within. She walked across the room and took a seat on her bed. God, too many questions, and not enough answers.
She was still wavering with indecision when she heard a knock on the front door. “Liz!” Victoria called. “Get your ass out here.”
Liz set the necklace on her nightstand before walking back down the hall. Liz stopped where she was standing when she saw the guy Victoria was currently attached to. Liz cleared her throat softly and Victoria broke the lip-lock.
“Oh! Daniel, this is my roommate, Liz,” Victoria said as introduction.
Liz raised her eyebrows at Victoria. She hadn’t mentioned that she was even still talking to Duke Fan, let alone that he was going to be coming to the banquet with them tonight.
“So nice to finally meet you,” Daniel said, walking forward and extending his hand.
“The illustrious Duke Fan,” Liz said, taking his hand in hers and shaking.
Daniel chuckled and nodded. “I’ve heard that’s what you call me.”
Liz saw the look that passed between Victoria and Daniel. It made Liz smile. Victoria was clearly very happy.
Another knock on the door made Liz turn around and then Hayden was walking through the door. He was in a black pinstripe suit with a crisp white shirt and red tie. He pulled his hand out from behind his back and produced a bouquet of red roses. He smiled that heart-stopping smile, and Liz felt the wave of guilt wash over her all over again.
“These are for you, gorgeous,” Hayden said in greeting. He walked up to her and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
“Wow,” Liz breathed. “Thank you.”
“Let me help you find a vase for those,” Victoria said immediately, ushering Liz out of the living room and leaving the guys alone without an introduction.
Their heels clattered against the kitchen tiles as they strode into the room. Victoria plucked the roses out of Liz’s hands and went in search of a vase in a cabinet.
“Stop whatever you’re thinking right now,” Victoria said. “These flowers are no reason to freak out.”
“I’m not freaked out,” Liz told her.
“Uh-huh. I think you should just take a breath and then let it out.”
Liz did what she said as Victoria found a vase and started pouring water into it.
“So I really think you should tell him tonight,” Victoria said.
Liz squeaked. “Tonight!”
“It makes sense. He’s here, and then you can break up with him and go back to the politician.”
Her eyes bugged out. “You are insane. I’m not going to go back to him,” she hissed, glancing over her shoulder, “because he doesn’t want me. Now would you keep it down so that I don’t have to fucking explain myself before I’m ready?”
“Oh, please,” Victoria said, slipping the roses out of their packaging and plopping them into the vase. She turned and popped her hip out. “Any guy would be an idiot not to want you.”
“Well, you didn’t hear him. You didn’t have him look you in the eyes and say, ‘No more tears, because soon I won’t even be a memory, just like you want,’” Liz spat. “So stop bringing it up! I’m going to regret telling you.”
“Just like you wanted . . . not like he wanted. There’s a difference,” Victoria said, primping the roses into formation. She grasped the vase in her hands. “I just think that the fact that you haven’t told Lane is telling for your relationship. So why not find out how he reacts and see if it’s everything you actually want.”
“Just give me those,” Liz snapped, snatching the roses out of Victoria’s hand and walking out of the kitchen. She plastered on a smile as she walked back into the living room with the roses. “These look beautiful.”
Hayden and Daniel were standing a few feet apart in silence.
“I’m glad you like them,” Hayden said. He followed her into the living room, where she placed them on the coffee table, and then wrapped her in a hug. He planted a kiss on her forehead as he grasped the soft material between his fingers. “I’ve missed you.”
“I missed you too,” she said softly.
“Y’all ready?” Victoria asked, grabbing her coat out of the closet and walking toward the door.
“Yes,” Hayden answered immediately. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “Sooner we leave, sooner I can get you home.”
Liz giggled at the implication in his words. This was easy, simple. No need for her to stress or put more thought into it than she needed to. If she wanted to tell Hayden then she would. If the time wasn’t right, then she wouldn’t. Right now she was just going to enjoy her evening.
Hayden and Liz crashed back into the house several hours later, tipsy from the wine that had been flowing all night, and drunk on the energy of the evening. Victoria and Daniel had stayed at the banquet, since Victoria won the Senior Morehead scholarship award, which provided funding to the genetics project she was working on. Dr. Mires had been in attendance and had talked Liz through all of the reporting jobs that Liz had applied for over break. They were both hopeful that offers would be coming in within the next couple weeks.
It was exciting and exhilarating being at the banquet, discussing the future, and finally realizing that this was the end. This was her last semester of college and then she would be out in the real world.
Hayden’s hands slid down the sides of her dress as soon as the door closed. One hand grabbed her ass and the other wound around her waist, drawing her into him. His breath was hot on her neck, and she squirmed against him.
“Bedroom,” he whispered huskily.
“Hayden . . .”
He released her waist and spun her around fast. She teetered in her heels, latching on to him for support just before his lips claimed her. That cut off all conversation. After he broke the kiss, Hayden took her hand and walked her back to her bedroom. She staggered forward after him.
They made it into the bedroom and Liz kicked off her heels. She wasn’t exactly drunk, but they were dangerous even when she was sober.
Hayden pulled her into him again and started walking them backward. His lips fell on top of hers once more. In between kisses, he murmured, “Bed.”
Liz swallowed hard. She wanted to get into this. She wanted this to happen. She wanted Hayden to remind her why she loved him. But as her knees hit the edge of the bed another pair of eyes flashed in her mind. Brown eyes. Big brooding brown eyes. Eyes that consumed her to her very core. The very same eyes of the person she had been kissing a few months ago.
She pulled back with a gasp. Holy shit! She couldn’t do this right now with such a heavy heart. They’d had an amazing time at the party. They had danced and drank and celebrated together. She had tried so hard to be what they had been. She had almost been able to forget what she had done. Almost.
“Hayden, stop,” she whispered, pushing lightly against his chest.
“I’ll close the door,” he said in response. He started walking across the room.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” She took a seat on the bed and her head swam. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the fear of what she was about to do.
Liz had never anticipated telling anyone about what had happened with Brady. She had sworn that she wouldn’t. She didn’t want to hurt Brady. But she had hurt him anyway and now he was gone from her life forever. She just knew that she couldn’t continue with this life she was leading. She couldn’t keep feeling the guilt and self-loathing about kissing the man that she had so desperately loved for so long. She just needed to be free.
“I want to talk to you,” she breathed.
Hayden shut the door and walked back over to her. His hands found her face, and he cupped her cheeks in his palms. “Let’s talk later.”
He had never been a sex-first-and-talk-later kind of guy. The alcohol must have been talking. Just as it was giving her the courage to speak up.
“No. Talk first,” she encouraged.
He breathed out heavily. “I think we should wait.” He eased her back on the bed and started trailing kisses down her neck.
“Hayden . . .”
“Shhh . . .” he whispered, running a hand up her bare thigh. “I just want to feel you next to me.”
On any other night, she would have preferred his forthrightness. He wasn’t normally this guy. He wasn’t normally demanding. And she liked this new Hayden. She found that she actually really, really wanted it. But she couldn’t.
“No, Hayden. No,” she said more forcefully. She pushed him off of her and rolled off of the bed. She flicked on the side table lamp so she could see his face. “We really need to talk.”
The alcohol was sending liquid courage through her veins, and still her stomach knotted with anxiety. How would he take what she was about to say? She had told Victoria that the worst thing that could happen would be for Hayden to leave her. The uncertainty ate away at her. Was he going to blow up on her? Was he going to just be shocked? She wouldn’t know until she told him, but as she stood there in front of him, her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth.
“What do we need to talk about?” Hayden asked, clearly frustrated. He straightened himself, crossed one leg over the other at the ankle, and leaned forward.
She could tell that he had no idea what she was about to throw at him. There was no way she could approach this as she had with Victoria. At that time, she had just blurted out that she had kissed someone else, but with Hayden she couldn’t imagine what that would do to him. She couldn’t break him.
“Um . . . I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time,” she began carefully. “I just didn’t know how to say it.”
“Didn’t know how to say what?” Hayden asked. There wasn’t any caution in his voice at all. He had no clue. She hated herself for what she was about to do to him in that moment.
“I know you might be mad with me, but please just let me explain.”
That sure captured his attention. He sat up straighter and his hazel eyes narrowed. She could see that he was trying to figure out where this was going, and that he hadn’t expected that at all. There was no going back now.
