Текст книги "Paper Thin"

Автор книги: Jennifer Snyder

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 16 страниц)

“WHEN ARE YOU COMING back?” It was after one in the morning, but Sadie and I were both wide awake. She was a night owl too. It was part of the reason we worked so well as roommates. Both of us could stay up until the butt-crack of dawn, sleep for the majority of the rest of the day if our schedules allowed it, and then get up and do it all over again. It wasn’t that we were partiers; it was just the way we were wired. Nighttime was when we were most alive.

“I’ll probably leave around ten or eleven, which means I’ll make it back by five or six-ish, depending on traffic.”

“Promise me you’ll be careful. There’s a massive storm coming through. It’s supposed to bring crazy rain our way for the next couple of days.”

My brows lifted to my hairline. Was she for real? “Listen to you. Since when do you pay attention to the weather?”

“Since it’s all Jeff talks about.” Irritation laced her words. My prediction about the two of them was on the verge of coming true.

“Why does he care so much?” I maneuvered a pillow behind my back so I couldn’t feel the headboard digging into my spine anymore. “Is he studying to become a meteorologist?” I had no clue Bradley offered courses for that major.

“No.” She took a sip of whatever she was drinking. “He’s just a weather freak.”

I chuckled at her tone. “What do you mean?”

“He obsesses about storms, rain, hurricanes, earthquakes, pretty much anything besides sunshine. Unless it involves the massive drought California is suffering.” Ice clinked in a glass on her end. “It’s really starting to turn me off.”

“He’s like a storm chaser? That’s kind of exciting.”

“If he actually chased them, then yeah, but all he does is check radar on his stupid cell and watch the weather channel all day.”

Yup, they wouldn’t be together much longer. It was only a matter of time before she found something else she couldn’t stand about him, and moved on. He wasn’t her type anyway. Jeff was a little on the nerdy side, and Sadie had always went for the bad boys with tattoos, piercings, and pasts that made girls crave to be the ones to make them a better person. She had yet to change any of them, and always ended up with more heartbreak than they were worth. Jeff had been what she had called ‘looking outside the box’ and ‘being open to different types of guys.’ Her theory was that she had been missing all the good ones searching for bad boys to change.

“And you’re looking for more excitement?” I pushed the covers bundled around me to the foot of the bed, suddenly too hot. I couldn’t sleep, and I couldn’t be crammed in this room much longer. I needed air, and to stretch my legs. “Hold on a sec.”

“Okay.”

Placing my cell into the crook of my neck, I slipped out of bed. The hall was dark and quiet when I crept out of my room. I tiptoed past my mom’s room, past the bathroom, and into the kitchen. The green glow of the clock on the microwave told me it was nearly one thirty in the morning. I would have to get off the phone soon and at least attempt to get some sleep since I would be driving back to the dorms, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not after the day I had.

I opened the back door in the kitchen and slipped out, closing it behind me. Holding my breath, I crept across the backyard toward the fire pit area. It had been so long since I’d snuck out of the house. While I’d forgotten how easy it was, I had also forgot about the sense of adrenaline that pumped through me as well. I was now more awake than I had been before.

“Whew, okay,” I breathed into the phone.

“Where you just holding your breath?” Sadie teased.

“Yeah, so?” I pursed my lips together, and placed the phone into the crook of my neck so I could pull the sleeves of my sweater down over my hands further. It was colder outside than I thought it would be this time of night.

“You’re an adult now. Besides, I doubt your mom would say anything to you with the way she is.” Her words hung suspended in the air between us. “I’m sorry. You know what I meant.” There was panic in her words.

“It’s okay.” It was, but it wasn’t. I understood what she was trying to say. I just hated that it was the truth.

“How is she, by the way? I feel bad for not asking sooner.”

“Don’t apologize.” I sat in the center of the bench in front of the fire pit. The coldness of the wood seeped through the thin fabric of my cotton shorts, causing goose bumps to prickle along my legs. “She’s not so good. Since I’ve been here, she’s managed to forget who I am more times than I can count, nearly caught the kitchen on fire, and gotten lost in the woods behind our house.”

“Damn. Why doesn’t your sister place her in a home? I know that sounds mean, but it would at least be safer for her.”

“I already asked. Trust me, it’s not something I care to bring up with Emma again anytime soon.”

“She wasn’t for the idea?”

“Nope. Not at all.” I grabbed a random stick from the ground and sifted through ashes inside the circle of garden stones we’d used to make the fire pit. “I honestly don’t know how Emma can handle this on a daily basis. It’s been too much for me already, and I’ve only been here for a day and a half.”

“She’s strong. From what you’ve told me about her, she seems really strong-willed.” Sadie paused. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but she sort of has no choice. I mean, you’re here and she’s there.”

Sadie’s words stung. The truth always did though. “I left it all in her lap. I’m selfish, I know.”

“I didn’t say you were selfish. I don’t think of it that way. It’s more like, she’s the oldest. She’s finished with school, has a career, and is able to take care of your mom. She’s stable and you’re not there yet.” She let out a huff of air. “That’s not what I meant either. Why do you keep letting me talk? It’s like I’m digging a damn hole deeper with each sentence.”

I laughed, able to see the humor in the situation. I knew she wasn’t trying to be mean or offend me in anyway. “I know what you’re trying to say. I think,” I tacked on to tease her.

“She’s letting you experience things. She’s being a big sister, and protecting you from all of it by taking it on herself.”

“Never become a physiatrist, okay? You really suck at this.” I chuckled in an attempt to hide what she was really making me feel—that I was a horrible sister who was acting like a child. Our mom had gotten sick, and I packed up and left for school because I thought I was entitled to. What the hell was wrong with me?

“I know! I’m sorry!” she squealed in my ear. “Topic shift?”

“Okay.”

“Who was this hottie you happened to impress when you got there?” I could picture her sitting on the edge of her bed, waiting for me to unleash some romantic tale. “Tell me who fate brought to your doorstep this weekend.”

A pang of emotion pinched at the back of my throat. “It didn’t bring anyone I could have. False alarm.” I tried to go for a light tone, but failed.

“What happened? I figured you’d have some juicy stuff to tell me.”

“Oh, it’s juicy, just not in the way you think.” I dropped the stick I’d been holding and wiped my hand against my pajama shorts to get the dirt off. I didn’t know where to start when it came to Dawson. Sadie didn’t know him, which made everything seem as though it would sound melodramatic. All she knew was that I was stalking the guy on Facebook when we first met. I wondered if I could get away with leaving that detail out for now. Everything was embarrassing enough. “The guy lived at the end of my street while I was growing up. He still does actually.”

“Sexy neighbor, I like where this is going,” she purred in my ear.

A small chuckle worked its way past my lips. “Yeah. He was my first real crush, you know?” I couldn’t think of a way to explain the way I’d felt for Dawson back then that would make her understand.

“God, I remember my first real crush. Every time I was around him, I thought I was either going to throw up or faint.” The whimsical tone to her voice let me know she understood. “So, did you come in and knock this guy out with your beauty and awesome style?”

I pursed my lips together. “Not really.” I wasn’t sure what I’d done. My mind drifted back to the lake, to what he was going to say. We seemed to have a moment. Heck, I thought we were flirting, but then he’d cut it all off. I squeezed my eyes shut, and reminded myself why.

“What do you mean?” Sadie’s voice broke through my thoughts.

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “One minute I was waiting in line to pay for my gas, and then the next he was calling me by my full name in this deep, sexy voice that was the same as when I’d last seen him, but different.”

“He’s a man now. The teenager you lusted for is still there, staring you in the face, but he’s mixed with this mature man. Right?”

She’d nailed it. “Yeah. Exactly like that. It’s strange.”

“I get it. Same thing happened to me the last time I went home for a visit.”

I remembered her mentioning something about a guy named Max. “Oh yeah. Max, right?”

“Yup.” She took another sip of whatever she was drinking. “I slept with him, and got him out of my system. You should do the same.”

Her words didn’t surprise me. Sadie was bold. She didn’t care what anyone thought about her. She was who she was, and she did what she wanted. If someone didn’t approve or care for her actions, then she didn’t waste time worrying over them. She kept right on going. I envied her ability to do this.

“I remember that too.” My nose crinkled as I readied myself to tell her why I couldn’t do what she’d done. “I can’t sleep with him though.”

“Why not? Is he with someone?” While Sadie might be open to one-night stands, she still had limitations. Anyone already in a relationship was off limits. She didn’t like cheaters.

“Yeah. Emma.” A weight lifted off my shoulders. It was nice to finally tell someone.

“No way!” She shouted in my ear so loud, I had to pull my phone away. “Your sister is marrying your dream guy from childhood? Wait a minute, is this the Facebook guy you were stalking when I first met you?”

Damn it, she’d clicked it all together. “Yup.” I didn’t give her a chance to freak out, I pressed forward with what was really bothering me. “What makes it worse is that I was flirting with him before I found out.”

“Oh my God.” Her tone made my cheeks heat. “Was he flirting back?” There was skepticism in her voice. I knew where she was going with it. If I said yes, she would insist I tell Emma everything.

“Not really.”

“He either was or he wasn’t. There isn’t an in between when it comes to flirting.”

“He wasn’t. He was just being nice.” A chilly breeze blew a few strands of hair in my face, and I swiped them behind me ear. “When we ran into each other in the gas station, he only spoke to me because we hadn’t seen each other in so long. I think he was surprised to see me. It wasn’t anything flirty, just hellos and how have you beens.”

“But…?” she pressed, knowing there was more to the story.

“But, when I spotted him swimming at the lake the other night, it was something different. Almost like there would have been some flirting happening, if he hadn’t been involved with my sister already.” Was I right in saying so, or had I imagined it all? The sentence he’d never finished popped into my head. I knew where that conversation would have gone. Had he not been in a relationship with my sister, or anyone for that matter, I would have been talked into skinny-dipping with him in the lake.

Goose bumps prickled along my skin from the thought. Even though he was with Emma, I couldn’t deny the attraction I still felt toward him. Thank God I was going home in a few hours, because this internal tetherball match with my emotions was driving me insane.

“Did he tell you that he was marrying your sister? Was that how everything came to a halt?”

“No. He sort of walked away from me,” I admitted.

“He walked away from you?” She sounded appalled. “Without saying anything about your sister?”

“It was a weird moment.” I sighed, wondering how I could explain to her the situation I was in. “We used to go to the lake when we were kids and swim all the time. That is actually where he gave me my first kiss.”

“Okay. Wait. You’re confusing me. Why did he give you your first kiss? I thought he was a crush, not an old boyfriend.”

“He was just a crush.” It seemed so wrong to say that. Dawson had been more to me than a crush. “He’s Emma’s age, so he’s like three years older than me. He was leaving for college. I was sad he was leaving, and confessed my feelings for him. You know how that goes. I thought I could make him stay or something.” Embarrassment crawled through me, slow and torturous from admitting that out loud.

“And?” she pressed. This was apparently the type of juiciness she had wanted to hear.

“Obviously, I was too young for him to date. I don’t know how it happened, but then he kissed me.” If I tried, I could still feel his warm lips pressing against mine. It was so gentle and sweet.

“Was it perfect?” There was a dreaminess embedded within her question. It was the hopeless romantic coming out in her.

“Yeah, it was.” I cleared my throat. “So, I was sort of caught up in the nostalgia of the moment and flirted with him a little the other night. I think the same thing happened to him. It didn’t last long, a few seconds maybe, and then he was climbing out of the water and gone.”

“And he didn’t mention asking your sister to marry him?”

“No. He just said he would see me around.” The slight sting of rejection stabbed through me again. “And then I saw him tonight. He was the first person to arrive. Didn’t take me long to figure out why.”

“What dress did you have on?” Sadie asked as though it mattered.

“The black one.”

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. You were really looking to reel that guy in, weren’t you?”

My throat felt pinched closed as tears pricked my eyes. “I was.” I took in a deep breath and squared my shoulders as I blinked back my tears. “It’s fine though. Emma is happy. Really happy. You should see the two of them together; they’re like couple of the year.”

“That’s good.” There was a cautious tone to her words. I knew she didn’t believe my sudden happiness for my sister.

“He moved back to town because his dad has lung cancer, and he’s taking care of him. He understands what Emma is going through, because he’s going through something similar with his dad,” I said. “They need each other. Emma needs him. She gets this sparkle in her eyes when she looks at him. I’m happy for them. I really am.” I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince more, her or me.

“Good.” Sadie paused, and I knew there was more she wanted to say. “But you know, when you have kids one day, and they ask about your first kiss, you’re going to have to tell them it was with their uncle, right?”

I died laughing. “Leave it to you to point out the most screwed up thing about the situation.”

“That’s why you love me,” she said in a singsong voice. “But seriously, you do realize that, right? You’re going to screw your kids up for life if you tell them the truth.”

“Oh my God.” I couldn’t control my laughter.

“I mean it.” She chuckled. “Better think of something now.”

“I’ll try. I promise.”

“Okay, good.” She breathed a dramatic sigh of relief. “I should probably get off here and let you get some sleep.”

“Yeah.” I yawned. “I’ll see you around six-ish.”

“Be careful driving.”

“Always.”

“Night.”

“Night.” I hung up, and made my way back inside as quietly as I could.

I SAT ON MY suitcase, hoping it would compress the contents enough so I would be able to zip the damn thing back up. Why did clothes always seem to fit so nicely the first time you packed them, but then the second time around they appeared to swell ten sizes, making it impossible to cram back in?

“Did you get everything?” Emma was standing behind me.

“I think so.” I pulled on the zipper, forcing it to close the last few inches. “If I forgot anything important, you can just mail it to me.”

“Okay.” She folded her arms over her chest, and dropped her eyes to the floor. I got the impression there was something she wanted to say, but wasn’t sure how.

I waited a few seconds, giving her time to gather the words. “What?”

She shrugged. “I just feel bad we didn’t get to spend a lot of time together this weekend.”

I hoisted my suitcase off the bed and onto the floor. “It’s okay. I know you were busy making sure the party happened without a glitch, and keeping an eye on Mom.”

“Nothing happened the way I wanted it to. I planned on helping decorate the house with you while we laughed and caught up on stuff.” She lifted her gaze to meet mine. “I wanted to tell you about Dawson before the party, before you saw us together.”

“It’s okay,” I lied.

“No, it’s not.” She shook her head. “I remember how you felt about him growing up, and I wanted to make sure you were okay with everything.” She chewed her bottom lip as she waited for what I would say next. I’d never seen my sister so nervous before, especially not for something that involved me.

“I’m fine with it. Honestly.” I flashed her a smile to prove myself. “That was in the past. I had a lot of crushes; he wasn’t the only one.” Part truth, part lie. Dawson was the only one I still thought about though. He was the only one who had mattered.

“Are you sure?” A glimmer of relief flickered through her hazel eyes.

“Yes.” Not one hundred percent yet, but I would be. With a little time. I had no other choice. “He makes you happy. I like seeing you happy, Em. You deserve it.” I reached out, and took her hand in mine.

“Thank you.” The tension melted from her, softening her facial features and bringing a glistening quality to her eyes. “I was worried there for a minute. I didn’t want you to leave hating me. I noticed how shocked you were when you saw the two of us together. I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I thought I mentioned it, but I think every time I call you, I go on and on about Mom and her doctor appointments.”

“It’s okay. I get it.” I popped the handle out on my suitcase so I could roll it through the house behind me. “I’m looking forward to October.” I winked, and then sidestepped her, rolling my suitcase behind me.

October twenty-fourth. That was the date I overheard them mentioning to everyone at the party. It seemed so soon, but I guess when you knew you wanted to be with someone for the rest of your life, dragging out a yearlong engagement was a waste of time.

“You’ll have to come back before then.” Emma followed through the hall behind me. “I’ll need your help picking out a dress.”

“You know it.” I glanced at her from over my shoulder. “At least your colors are easy. We all know you’ll pick purple.”

“I just don’t know what shade.”

“No eggplant. That has got to be the ugliest color.” I scrunched my nose up. “Go with lavender.” I paused once I made it to the front door.

“We’ll see.” A mischievous grin plastered on her face.

“Is Mom taking a nap?” I hadn’t gotten a chance to say goodbye to her yet.

“Yeah. Call later and talk with her. I’m sure she’ll want to know you made it back okay.”

“I will,” I said, even though I knew I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to ruin the memory I had of her from today. It was the longest stretch of normalcy from her I’d witnessed all weekend.

“Do you have enough money for gas?”

I patted my back pocket. “I’m good.”

“All right.” She stepped past me, and held the screen door open wide enough for me to squeeze through with my suitcase.

I maneuvered it over the doorway, and across the porch. When I made it to the first step, I paused.

“Here, let me.” Dawson’s deep voice startled me. I hadn’t realized he was here.

“Thanks.” I moved out of his way, and let him carry my suitcase down the stairs to my car.

Emma wrapped her arm around me as we followed behind him. “Call me when you get to the dorms, okay?”

“I will.” I wouldn’t. She would get a text, and we both knew it.

A fat droplet of rain landed on my head as we stood beside my car. Great. There was nothing I hated more than driving in the pouring rain—well, maybe driving in snow. I glanced up at the sky, checking out the black clouds rolling in. More droplets fell, splattering against the concrete of our driveway as well as my skin. It looked like Jeff had been right about that crazy storm coming through.

“Be careful, okay?” Emma pulled me in for another hug.

“Yup.” I squeezed her tight. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

“It was nice seeing you again, Charlotte,” Dawson said. His voice combined with the cold drops of rain splattering against me caused goose bumps to prickle across my skin.

“You too.” It was, but for reasons I shouldn’t feel. “See you guys.”

I climbed into my car before the sky opened up. My sister waved once more as Dawson wrapped an arm around her waist and started pulling her with him toward the porch. A wide smile spread across Emma’s face, and the sound of her laughter penetrated through the windows of my car. The rain hitting the roof couldn’t drown out its beauty. She was so happy with him. I swallowed hard and ripped my eyes away from them.

I cranked my engine, knowing I needed to get over whatever this funk was. My sister was marrying Dawson. So what?

I backed out of the driveway, and started down the street. Distance and time. Those were the two things I needed most. Maybe they would both allow the shock to wear off, and the next time I came home for a visit I wouldn’t feel so damn heartbroken at the sight of them together.