Текст книги "Every Last Breath"

Автор книги: Jennifer L. Armentrout

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 20 страниц)

He stood just outside the door, the breeze ruffling his dark hair as snow peppered the strands and his eyes glittering like tawny jewels. “What are you doing up here?”

I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know. It’s kind of pretty, with the snow.”

“And it’s freezing,” he commented.

“Neither of us is affected by that.”

“I know.” One side of his lips curved up. “I just felt like pointing that out.” He paused. “You’re not hungry, are you?”

“Not really.”

An eyebrow rose as he walked across the roof. “Want to stay out here for a while?”

“Yeah. Yes. I do.”

The half smile remained as Roth sat down on the chaise. The cushion he patted was protected from the snow, but only if the wind didn’t really start picking up. I walked over to him, and when he extended his arm, I placed my hand in his.

Roth tugged me down between his legs, positioning me so that my back was pressed against his chest. His arms folded around me, and I closed my eyes, smacking any thought out of my head just so I could take the moment to enjoy the warmth of his body and the comfort of his embrace.

I don’t know how long we sat there watching the snow fall silently before Roth spoke again, but the snow on the floor of the roof seemed to have thickened. “I’ve been thinking,” he began. “About you in one of those really skimpy bikinis. The kind where the backside of the bottoms are really just dental floss.”

“Oh my God.” I laughed as I trailed my fingers over his hands. “Why am I not surprised by this?”

“Now. Now. Hear me out,” he replied, resting his chin on my shoulder. I turned my cheek to him, waiting. “You wouldn’t be the only one who would be wearing less clothing than what we’ve got on right now.”

I really had no idea where this conversation was heading, but I was thrilled that he was talking and I was also willing to just—to just let it all go for right now, for these precious moments, to humor whatever was coming out of his mouth.

“Would you also be in a barely there bikini?” I asked.

I felt his lips curve into a smile. “You would not be able to control yourself if you saw something so amazing.” He tugged me back into the V of his legs when I had started to twist toward him. “You’d treat me like a piece of meat.”

“Oh really?” I laughed.

Roth leaned back against the cushion, bringing me along with him so that we were stretched out as the snow continued to fall. “Uh-huh. So I would just be wearing swim trunks.”

“Speedo?”

“Even I wouldn’t wear a Speedo,” he replied.

“How is a Speedo any different than me wearing what is basically dental floss?”

“It is. Just trust me on this.” He tilted his head to the side so I could see his expression. “Anyway, the swim trunks and itsy, bitsy bikini would also involve a sandy white beach. You’ve never been to a beach, right?”

“Right.” I bit my lip when he shifted so that his lips brushed the lobe of my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. “So what about this beach?”

“The beach would exist in a tropical area, where it’s always warm and almost always sunny,” he went on, one hand toying with the hem of my sweater, the other lazily roaming up and down my leg, from thigh to hip. “The beach would be a place far away from here.”

“How far?” I whispered.

“As far as we want.” One hand traveled up to my chin and his fingers guided my head back. “I was thinking along the lines of Turks and Caicos.” He kissed my forehead. “I haven’t been there.” His lips coasted over my brows. “But I’ve heard of this place called Grace Bay.” He dropped a kiss on each of my eyelids. “White sands. Water the color of turquoise.” Then he kissed the tip of my nose. “Paradise, or so I’m told. We should go.”

I smiled faintly. “We should.”

His gaze met mine as he drew back. “I’m being serious. We can leave in the morning.”

My smile started to fade. “What?”

“It will take nothing for me to get us a private jet. Just a few words spoken to the right person, and then we’re on our way. It’s a little too far to fly ourselves.” His eyes searched mine intently, and I stiffened, because he really wasn’t joking around. “We could be there by tomorrow night.”

“Roth—”

“We can leave all of this,” he pushed on, his hand cupping my cheek. “Let the pieces fall where they may, but you and I will be far from this—”

“There’s nowhere we can go to truly escape this. The Alphas will intervene. The Lilin wants that, and even Grim has called it. They will bring about the end of the world. Hiding out at a beach isn’t going to save us.”

“We could try, dammit. We could try to survive,” he insisted, his eyes flashing bright in the darkness. “Leaving here promises us at least a tomorrow—maybe even a week or a month, but staying here—what do we have?”

I sucked in a sharp breath. “What do you mean?”

“You think I don’t know what’s been going on in your head since you realized your life was tied to the Lilin’s?” His hand curled around the nape of my neck as he leaned in, pressing his forehead to mine. “Dammit, Layla, I know...”

My eyes squeezed shut against the sudden burn.

“You’re too good. You don’t see that, but I do. You’re too good, but I’m not.” His voice hoarsened.

“Let me be selfish enough for the both of us.”

“What about Sam, Roth?”

“I don’t know. I don’t have an answer for that you want to hear,” he admitted. “I’m sorry. You’re my priority. Forget the rest.”

I wrapped one arm around his neck, saying nothing as I tucked my head under his chin. His hand remained at the back of my neck. “I know you think there is only one way out of this. You give up your life to stop the Lilin,” he said, his voice thicker than before. “But I can’t let you do that.”

“I don’t want to do that.”

His other arm circled my waist as he shifted his head, his lips brushing my cheek as he spoke.

“Then don’t.”

Roth made it sound so simple. The thing was, even he knew it wasn’t that easy. If we left this place tomorrow, there was a good chance we’d have days, maybe even weeks or months before the Alphas stepped in and attempted to wipe us all out. But how could I seriously enjoy those days or weeks knowing that I turned my back on Sam... God, on mankind? What was happening was so much bigger than us, so much more important than what we wanted or desired.

His hand spasmed, and he forced out the words in a harsh whisper. “I’m terrified.”

My heart turned over and then doubled up. Hearing him admit that was a shock to my system. I pulled back, meeting his gaze once more. “You’re never scared.”

“I’m not scared. I’m terrified,” he repeated, threading his fingers through my hair. “I’m terrified of losing you and that there will be nothing that I can do to stop it.”

There was a part of me that wanted to simply reassure him, but in this moment, all my defenses came crumbling down. The panic that rested in the pit of my belly expanded. Roth must’ve seen the fear in my eyes because he tugged me back to his chest.

“I won’t let this happen,” he said. “I’m the Prince. There has to be something I can do. I can go to the Boss.”

But if there was something the Boss could’ve done, wouldn’t it have already been done by now? Or could the Boss even step in at this point? It didn’t matter. As I clung to Roth, I knew, deep down, we really didn’t have tomorrow. If I delayed what I needed to do, I would not only lose Sam and the other souls the Lilin had already taken, but I ran the risk of millions of lives being lost if the apocalypse was in fact set in motion.

I ran the risk of Roth doing something even more stupid than what I planned, and if I couldn’t save myself, then at least I could save Sam. I could save the other souls. I could save the innocent people who would die because the end was coming. I could save Roth.

When Roth lifted my head, he opened his mouth to say something, but I didn’t want there to be any more words between us. I closed the distance, kissing him. He tried to turn his head, but I grasped his cheeks, refusing to allow whatever words he wanted to speak to form on his lips.

And when the kiss wasn’t enough, when he tried to speak again, I lifted up, planting my knees on either side of his hips. I pressed our bodies together, and when his mouth finally parted, my heart ached in the worst way, but he was kissing me back and it was scorching. His hands fell down my back, and his desperation amplified what I felt.

His muscles suddenly tensed, and then he was standing. I wrapped my legs around his hips. Our mouths were fused together and we stepped out under the snow. Wind picked up, tossing my hair around us.

I didn’t think we’d make it back to the stairwell.

We barely did.

Once inside the narrow hallway, the door slammed shut behind us, and Roth turned, pressing my back against the wall. We were tangled in each other, our breaths coming in short pants as the hardest part of him was pressed against the softest part of me. The snow that had fallen on us had melted, dampening our skin and hair.

We kissed. We clung to each other, and the outside world went on hold once more. Right now, these stolen moments were just about us. Nothing else mattered then except how he felt and our love for one another.

“Hold on,” he told me, and I wasn’t planning to let go.

Roth captured my breaths with his lips as he turned, starting down the stairs again. He kicked the door shut behind us, sealing out the cold, and when he turned, he knocked into the piano bench, toppling it over.

We almost didn’t hear it.

He carried me right to the foot of the bed, the whole time kissing me, drinking me in, and it wasn’t enough. Not even when he nipped at the sensitive skin below my ear, dragging a heated sound out of me.

We parted long enough to get rid of everything between us, and that took longer than necessary, because we kept stopping...and we kept getting distracted each time a shirt came off or a button came undone. Our hands. Our fingers. Our mouths. Everything about us was greedy.

When my back hit the bed and I stared up at him, thinking was completely impossible. He consumed me, but I knew it went both ways, because his hand trembled as he touched me and his voice shook when he told me that I was beautiful; when he said that he loved me, over and over. His voice quaked each time.

What came next was simply him worshipping me and me repaying the honor. There wasn’t a part of me he didn’t explore, from the arch of my foot to the many valleys on the way to my lips. Our eyes and hands were locked as we started moving together. And when it was over, we lay together, his hand trailing over my ribs, to my hips, and then we started all over again. We exhausted ourselves in all the love we felt and we held off the shadows by sheer willpower until there was nothing left.

Sleep did not come for me afterward, even though I wanted nothing more than to snuggle into Roth and ignore everything, I couldn’t. If I did, everyone I cared about would be lost, and countless, nameless innocent people would be caught in the cross fire. Knowing that I was the only thing that could truly stop this, walking away wasn’t something I could live with. Besides, turning my back would only give us a few days, maybe only hours, because once the Lilin pushed too far, exposed too much, the Alphas would wipe us all out, and they’d been waiting oh-so patiently for a good reason to do so.

I had to do this. I knew that there was no other option, but as I watched Roth while he slept, what I was about to do cut deep into me. It hurt. A knot had formed in the back of my throat, a heaviness pressed into my chest and my eyes stung as tears filled them.

My fingers itched to touch him, just one last time, but I’d risk waking him by doing so. I settled for memorizing every beautiful angle of his face, from the sharpness of his cheekbones to the hard line of his jaw, only slightly softened by sleep. I committed to memory the thickness of his lashes and the natural arch of his brows. I looked my fill when it came to his full lips and I wished I’d get to see those dimples once more, or the way the tawny amber of his eyes would brighten when he looked at me. I yearned to thread my hand through his hair just once more, feeling the silky smoothness as the strands sifted through my fingers.

I ached to hear him say I love you one more time.

None of that was going to happen.

Squeezing my eyes shut against the rush of tears, I carefully rolled out of the bed and tiptoed to where my clothes were piled on the floor. In the quiet darkness, I dressed, grabbed the iron dagger off the piano, and then crept over to where Roth lay on his side, facing the space I’d rested on.

“I love you,” I whispered, my voice choked. “I love you so much.”

And then I did the one thing I never planned to do, but the only thing I could. I left Roth.

twenty-seven

AS I SORT of expected, it didn’t take me long to find the Lilin. I’d left Roth’s loft through the rooftop exit and had taken flight, letting the cold wind ruffle my wings one last time.

It was almost ironic—this whole thing.

Roth had sacrificed for me. Zayne had. Even Abbot, in the end. All of them had given something up to keep me alive. Due to what the witches had given me, I’d gained immortality and for a sweet, short time, I’d had a taste of forever with Roth. And once I fully understood what I was, I’d been given unbelievable strength. My mere presence struck fear into the hearts of demons and Wardens alike. I’d become a force to be reckoned with, a total badass of a hybrid mess.

And ultimately, all those sacrifices and everything everyone had ever done had led up to this moment—when I would take all of that away. I wanted to laugh, but I had a feeling that it would be the crazy kind of laugh and I would break down, because I didn’t want to die.

Because I wasn’t that brave.

Because I wasn’t this selfless.

I was just one girl with no other options, no other card up my sleeve.

Landing in Rock Creek Park among the thick, tall snow-tipped trees, I’d walked the trail, oddly calm. Okay. Maybe not calm. As I stared up at the moon breaking free from the clouds, I felt nothing.

I was empty—determined, but completely empty.

Only a few minutes passed before I heard a soft chuckle from behind me. The stake was in my back pocket, where I’d have easy access to it, but I left it there as I slowly turned around.

A light dusting of snow coated the ground and flurries drifted down to Earth. The Lilin was standing about five feet from me, and it looked like Sam again. Anger pricked at my skin. I hated it when that thing took on his image.

And it knew it.

The Lilin smiled at me from across the short distance. “Have you finally come to your senses?”

I raised my brows. “If coming to my senses is helping you free Lilith—”

“Our mother,” it interrupted.

Ignoring that, I continued. “Then you’re out of your mind. I will never help you free her, because freeing her would mean the end of everything.”

“Not freeing her means the end anyway,” the Lilin responded, taking a step forward. “Don’t you understand that? I will continue stripping souls until the Alphas have no choice but to step in, until they eradicate every demon and Warden topside.”

My hands tightened. “Why would you do that? You would be killed right along with the rest of us.”

“Ah, yes, that’s true, but I know Hell will not stand for the Alphas going after all the demons. They will retaliate, and it will be Armageddon.” The Lilin that looked like Sam smiled as if it was picturing a sunny day at the beach. “My death—your death—will be worth knowing that rivers will run with blood and these humans, these overgrown parasites, will die by the millions.”

Absolutely thunderstruck by his words, I shook my head. “You’re...a hundred percent certifiable.”

“No. I just have nothing to lose. My life? This shell I’m using?” It patted itself on the cheek. “It’s nothing. I have nothing to give up. And even if I did, I would do it for our mother. I would do anything to deliver her the revenge she deserves.”

I blinked. “That’s kind of sad.”

One shoulder rose. “It is the truth.”

Something sparked in my chest, and it tasted like hope. “It doesn’t have to be. Don’t you understand that? You have choices to make. You can stop what you’re doing and try to make something out of this life you were given—”

The Lilin threw its head back and laughed.

“We have free will,” I insisted, grappling onto anything that could somehow change its mind. “All of us, not just the humans, have free will. You can change. You can stop this right now. You—”

“Free will? You are naive, sister. There is no such thing. We are born with our fates clearly laid out in front of us. There is no changing that.”

“You are wrong, so incredibly wrong.” I wanted to stomp my foot to drive the point home.

“Anyone can change their paths, including demons. Look at Roth. He never used to think free will existed, but when he made a choice to save me, he realized it did. Look at him!”

It grinned. “Ah, the Prince. I look at him and I see someone who was once great and feared by all, but who has become nothing more than the lackey of a stupid, silly little girl.”

I clenched my jaw. “I’m not the one who’s stupid, bud, and he’s no one’s lackey.”

“Enough,” it sighed. “Really. This conversation bores me. You know you cannot stop me. You have to have realized that by now. You can’t kill me, because doing so would kill you. I am a part of you.”

“You are nothing,” I said, full of bitter venom.

It inclined its head. “If I had feelings, you might have hurt them.”

As I stared at the Lilin, that tiny spark of hope flickered, and then went out. There would be no reasoning with it, just as Grim had said. Maybe if I had taken that approach from the beginning, there would’ve been time to try to change its mind, but there wasn’t enough time to do that now, and it was too much of a risk to chance it.

The weight pressed farther down on my shoulders and my chest as the Lilin inched close to me. I held my ground, taking a deep breath. “What...what do you really look like?”

Surprise flickered across the face I missed so badly. “What?”

“You heard me. You’re not Sam. You’re not Elijah. I want to know what you really look like.”

The flurries around us seemed to ease up as the Lilin studied me thoughtfully, the fine dusting of snow coating its dark hair. “What does it matter?”

I wanted to see its real face, just once, but that wasn’t exactly the most convincing argument. “I don’t know. Maybe...maybe it would help me understand you better.”

Its eyes narrowed, and then it cast its gaze to the sky. It sighed dramatically. “You are so human.”

When Roth said it, those words had been dipped in warmth and love. When those very same words came out of the Lilin’s mouth, they were an insult.

The Lilin suddenly shot forward, stopping no more than two feet in front of me, its eyes pure black.

“You want to see what I really look like?” it demanded. “You want that?”

“Yes,” I whispered.

It smiled, and then it began to transform. Its entire body trembled, and then shook violently. I wanted to step back, because at this point, I sort of expected it to explode, but found myself unable to move as it shortened and became slimmer, as the brown hair gave way to hair so blond it almost appeared white. Bones snapped and refused again into different lengths. Its features contorted until I was staring into eyes that were a pale shade of blue, leached of almost all its color.

Sucking in a sharp breath, I felt like I was staring into the mirror. An exact replica of me stood there.

“I am you,” it said, in my voice.

“No.” My heart started thumping. “You are not me.”

“I am. I’ve always been you.” A small smile appeared, revealing just one side of its teeth, and all I could think at that point was—was that what I looked like when I smiled? God. “We are one and the same,” it added. “We are no different. Do you understand that?”

A handful of months ago, a sight like this would’ve delivered a blow to my confidence. I’d have been shaken to the point that I wouldn’t have been able to recover from it. Thinking that I was a part of something so cruel and evil would’ve crippled me.

But I wasn’t the same girl now as I’d been then.

“This is some kind of trick.” My voice was steady as I stared at myself. “How do you look like me?

You haven’t—”

“We are a part of one another,” it replied, glancing down at itself. With a low giggle, it ran small hands down its sides and then across its front, then up.

Wow.

That was disturbing to see...myself kind of feeling myself up.

“You helped create me.” Reaching up a hand, it started twirling a strand of hair around its finger.

One pale brow rose. “We share the same blood.”

“That’s all we share, and I know this isn’t your real form.”

The smile turned coy as it raised one shoulder. “If you say so.”

I drew in a deep breath. “You’re a coward. You know that? You can’t even show me who you really are.”

“I am not a coward.” The smile slipped from its face.

Mimicking its earlier movements, I shrugged a shoulder. “No wonder you can’t show me what you actually look like. You don’t see yourself clearly.”

Cheeks flushing red, the pale eyes disappeared in a flood of black. The Lilin began to change form again. This time my mirror image was stretched like Gumby. As bones cracked, the icy-blond hair shortened to shoulders that were broader. The Lilin stopped trembling and what stood before me was something altogether familiar and yet different.

And I knew deep down this was really the Lilin.

The eyes were pools of black and the complexion pale. Cheekbones were high like mine, but broader and the tilt of the jaw was more masculine, the lips less full. The Lilin, in its true form was a male, was a head taller than me and a little broader, much slimmer than Roth or Zayne. It– he— was beautiful in a creepy sort of way, a fragile masculine sort of beauty that looked like it would shatter at any moment.

He looked like Lilith.

He looked like me.

If someone put the three of us in a room together, it would be obvious that we were related. Not until this very moment, staring at him, did I really see it. This creature...this thing truly was a part of me. We did share the same blood. It was my brother.

The knot from earlier returned to my throat and I wanted to cry. As stupid and useless as it would be, I wanted to flop down on the cold, snowy ground and cry, because I really was staring at something I was a part of—my own twisted flesh and bone.

“Are you happy now?” he asked, and his voice was deep.

I shook my head, blinking back tears. Roth’s face formed in my thoughts, and I hoped with every ounce of my being that he could forgive me for this. “No. Not at all.”

Confusion flickered across his face and then his expression evened out, turning bland. “I’m done with this foolishness.”

“So am I.”

Reaching behind me, I pulled the dagger out of my back pocket. I moved as fast as I could, faster than I ever had, and my brain was a vast, empty canvas as I moved. I didn’t think, didn’t register the return of bewilderment marking his features.

But then, in a split second, realization thundered through me as I stepped forward, thrusting the dagger into the Lilin’s chest with every ounce of my strength.

I was brave.

Shock splashed across his features at the same moment pain exploded in my chest. The intensity of it was so jarring that I let go of the dagger, jerking back. The pain was like fire, engulfing my chest and spreading into every limb. It was so much more powerful even than when the Wardens had stabbed me in the stomach, an intensity that was final. Wet warmth poured down my front. My heart beat, and then there was a sharp wrenching sensation from deep inside of me.

Black eyes were wide and his hands were pale as he gripped the end of the dagger. “What...what have you done?”

I wouldn’t answer even if I could.

Because it was happening.

The wound in his chest lit up, pulsing with a blue-tinged light that seemed to come from within and the light spread rapidly, as if his skin had been peeled back. The light burst in flares of different colors, soft pinks and blues, and buttery yellows, and those lights, almost like little balls, shot straight up, disappearing into the sky above us.

Not lights, I realized dumbly, but the souls—the souls of everyone the Lilin had consumed. I knew in my heart of hearts that Elijah was among them, and so was Sam. I could almost feel him, I thought, almost hear Sam’s chuckle and feel his hand brush over mine.

He was free.

I knew it.

There wasn’t another heartbeat.

Our legs folded at the very same second, and we crumpled, folding like a paper sack. I didn’t feel the ground stop my fall. I didn’t feel anything. All I saw, through the darkness creeping into my vision, was the snow beginning to fall again, a tiny flake coasting to the ground.

And then I saw nothing at all.

twenty-eight

I DIDN’T REMEMBER closing my eyes, not even blinking. Yet somehow I was no longer lying on the cold ground in Rock Creek Park, but standing instead, and it was the park—but not during the night, or during the winter. Sunlight beat down through the leafy limbs and a warm breeze toyed with the hairs around my face.

What in the what?

My gaze dropped to the ground, and the Lilin wasn’t there. Confusion pounded through me as I stared at the empty spot before me and then down at the front of my sweater. It was bloodied, as expected, but there was no pain in my chest. And this was the park in DC, but it also wasn’t.

Something seemed wrong. Fragile. Thin. As I walked closer to a tree, I brushed my fingertips along its bark. Bits of it flecked off, turning to ash. I jerked my hand back.

“What have you done?”

Spinning toward the sound of the voice I’d only heard once before, I couldn’t suppress the weird shudder at the sight of her—of Lilith. Dressed in the same barely there white gown I’d seen her in last time, she looked different. Mainly because there was a splash of red coursing down the front of her dress, matching mine.

“How...how are you here?” I asked, glancing around. “Are you free?”

“Free?” Her pale eyes widened. “I will never be free because of you—because of what you’ve done.

You’ve killed my son—you’ve killed me!”

Maybe dying made me a little slow on the uptake, but her response didn’t answer my question. “I don’t understand.”

“How can you not?” She drifted toward me, her bare feet snapping out from under the long gown.

“You killed him, knowing that would be the death of you—the death of me.”

Okay. I had no idea that my actions would kill her. Nope. No one had filled me in on that. I’d assumed she was like a Twinkie, would survive a nuclear fallout.

“Where are we?”

Her blood-red lip curled up. “In the in-between.”

“The what?”

“Are you pleased with yourself?” she ranted, ignoring my question. Her cheeks leeched of all color. “You think killing him—killing me—will change anything? Evil will still be evil. Hell will not cease to exist. Dark deeds will still be carried out.”

“But it will...it will stop Armageddon,” I said, blinking.

She scoffed. “For a while, but, child, do you know how many times the world has come close to being obliterated? The end is inevitable.”

I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling woozy. “But it won’t happen now.”

“I’ve never been more disappointed in that which I created,” she seethed, and when I opened my eyes, she was directly in front of me, a tall and terrible, beautiful apparition. “Does any of my blood course through your veins?”

“Yes.” I swallowed, but it did nothing to easy the nausea.

Her eyes, the same color as mine, rolled. “Doubtful. I would have bred something more intelligent, with greater cunning and actual survival instincts.”

I stepped back from her, forcing air into my lungs, but it felt like I was only getting a sliver of what I needed.

“To think that I have survived thousands of years, overcoming so much, to be taken out by the hand of my own daughter.” She huffed. “And in so cowardly a way. But my son—he honored me. He worshipped me, as he should, but you ended him. You are no child of mine.”

“I’m your daughter,” I gritted out, focusing on her. “The daughter you left at birth. What in the Hell do you expect from me?”

“Loyalty?” she returned.

I stared at her, wanting to laugh in her face, but my lips felt strange. Numb. Cold. “You left me with the man who wanted to kill me.”

“But he didn’t, did he? Obviously not.”

Shaking my head, I immediately regretted doing so. The world spun a little. “I had to stop the Lilin.

There were too many people’s lives at stake. Maybe you don’t care about that. Maybe you’ve never cared about any of that, but that’s where we’re different.” Legs weak, I leaned against the tree, but the moment my weight touched the trunk, it gave way.

Staggering to the side, I watched the great oak cave into itself, breaking apart in chunks that disintegrated into flakes. It crumbled soundlessly. One minute the tree was a solid part of this world and the next it was gone.

“What’s...happening?” I turned wide eyes on Lilith.

She pursed her lips as she eyed me with her chin raised. “You’re dying. That is what is happening.”

“I’m not dead now?”

“Yes and no. Your body has already grown cold, has it not? But you’re not all the way dead. Not yet, but you will be soon.” She waved her hands, gesturing at the trees. “As I’ve said, you’re in the in-between. When you entered, the bond between us drew me here. When you perish, so will I. Creating you was the risk I took. We were joined, and you were destined for greatness. I thought you would be like me.”

Now some of what Grim had said made sense, about the danger Lilith created for herself when she created me...naturally. But where was the Lilin? Why wasn’t he here with us?

Then it occurred to me as I stared at my mother. I had a soul. She had a soul. The Lilin didn’t. When it died, it ceased to exist. Not so for us.

I guessed none of that really mattered now.

“Destiny is bull,” I said, my hands icy as I curled them against my palm. I couldn’t feel them. “No one is destined for anything. We control our own fates.”

“Obviously,” she muttered with another roll of her eyes. “But look at you now, the road you’ve chosen. What do you know of life? Your entire existence was pointless.”