Текст книги "Unraveled"
Автор книги: Jen Frederick
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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
CHAPTER SEVEN
GRAY DIRECTED ME TOWARD THE Red Rock cliffs, a small area of bluffs that dropped into the city's river. I'd never been here before. Out of the back he pulled out a bunch of ropes and nylon things and metal hooks.
"Is that what I think it is?"
"If you're thinking it's extreme macramé, then no it isn't." Gray didn't look at me but instead was intent on winding rope around his elbow and shoulder. He shrugged off one coil and handed it to me. The weight of it was heavier than I’d anticipated. "Think you can handle that?" Gray gave a chin nod toward the rope. I hefted it.
"As long as we aren't doing a twelve-mile run."
"No worries."
"So rock climbing?" I guessed this was a real adventure and not sex. I gave a mental shrug. At least I could cross off one word as a sex euphemism. That was useful. It occurred to me that I was being friendzoned. Rocking climbing instead of sex? That’s what you did with friends, not people you wanted to see naked. Even I knew that. Oh well, I’d lost a lot of friends in the two years since Will’s death. I could use this time with Gray to learn how to be a better friend. Although it was weird that we were rock climbing, since Gray could have easily gone with his buddies.
“None of your friends rock climb?” I asked.
“Sure they do, although Noah goes a lot less now because his professional fighting contract prevents him from engaging in dangerous activities.”
“Then why are we here?”
“Because I wanted to spend time with you. Where's your knitting?"
He wanted to spend time with me? That seemed like something you’d say to someone you wanted to have “coffee” with. I was so confused. I handed him a small bag and he stuck it into a larger pack which he slung over his shoulder along with another coil of rope, another small bag, and set of harnesses. We took off, not at a quick pace, but a steady one.
"What kind of adventure are you taking me on?" I called to Gray's back. Any faster and I'd be too winded to talk.
"A baby one, don't worry." He turned and winked at me over his shoulder. "I'll take good care of you."
His promise sounded a bit provocative. Maybe it was sex. God, I had to stop thinking about sex. As I followed him up the hiking trail, I stared at his physique. His legs looked powerful but not overly thick. He had muscles in his back that moved as he climbed up the hill. Gray looked like he could take care of a woman. He was a guy with strength and endurance, who clearly enjoyed physical things. The pang at the missed opportunity last night hit me harder. Him lifting me up and easily holding me as he kissed me or as he rubbed his thigh between my legs had felt incredible. I’d guess his penis was thick and heavy to match the rest of his build. His rock-hard pecs would be the perfect place for me to place my hands if I rode him. My imaginings made me breathless.
"Hey, are you okay? Do you need to take a break?" Gray stopped and turned to look at me.
Yes, I need to take a break and bash my head against the rocks until the image of the two of us naked is flushed from my mind. Out loud, I said, "Nope," and gave him the fakest smile in two counties.
He looked at me suspiciously but as he couldn't read my mind, thank God, he just turned around. Every time I started thinking of Gray in a sexual way, I stabbed myself with an imaginary knitting needle. Good thing it was imaginary because I would've bled out about a third of the way up.
Gray
THE HAIRS ON THE BACK of my neck were at attention again. Sam was staring holes through me but whenever I turned around she gave me this wide-eyed innocent look. She was hiding something but I didn't know if she was mad that I was taking her on a hike or upset that I'd left her swinging in the wind last night. I considered telling her that I’d been miserable after I’d left her. The erection that had been killed at the sight of her dead husband’s things popped right back after she dropped me off. I tried jacking off in the bathroom but when I did come it was unsatisfactory. My stupid dick wanted to be inside Sam instead of my hand.
The entire night I alternated between fantasizing about what it felt like being inside her and reliving the moment in the hallway when she came from just the pressure of my wood against her. The longer the night wore on, the more I wanted to punch myself in the face for stopping. Who cared about boots and empty backpacks? Her husband was gone. Neither of us was cheating on anyone. I’d been so close to sinking into her sweetness and I’d cockblocked myself. I wanted to hit myself even harder when I woke up this morning with the realization I hadn’t gotten her phone number. Then she’d shown up, and I didn’t waste time regretting yesterday or asking her whether she changed her mind because I could read the uncertainty in every line of her body from the tense set of her shoulders to the way her hand hovered over the gear shift. She looked ready to throw the Rover in reverse at any moment.
“Don’t leave,” I’d told her in my best command voice and she hadn’t. Now we were hiking on an unfamiliar bluff, and I was going to use Noah’s equipment to teach Sam how to rappel down the side of a cliff. In the Corps, this might be called a trust exercise. I wasn’t sure what I was trying to prove with her.
Despite her labored breathing, she kept walking. I suggested stopping but I could tell that if I asked whether she was okay one more time she might push me over the cliff. That wasn’t really the response I was angling for but she’d not entirely forgotten last night because we were walking single file. The path was definitely wide enough for two people but every time I slowed up, she slowed up. So what if she didn’t want to walk beside me? She was here which meant she wanted to spend time with me and I’d take whatever crumbs she was willing to throw my way at this point.
"Noah told me to go up to the two mile marker and that there would be anchors for us there," I explained.
"What will I be doing?"
"Well, that's the adventure part," I joked, but when she didn't respond, I hurried to assure her. "That's why I have all this safety equipment." I held up the gear. "When we get to the marker, I'll test the anchors and then we'll rappel down to the one mile marker. Then while you knit, I’m going to rappel to the bottom and then climb back up to meet you. Sound okay?"
"Sure, so a baby fall for me and a big boy climb for you?"
"It's not a fall." Making sure she could see me, see that I was serious, I said carefully, "I'd never hurt you or put you in a position to be hurt. I thought, you know, based on what you said, that this would be kind of interesting."
She gave me a small quirk of smile, not quite a full one but like she found something funny. "It's not what I'd expected, but it does sound kind of fun, like I'll be starring in my own little action movie. What do I need to know about rappelling?"
"Go slow."
"That sounds boring. I thought we were going to do something exciting.” She looked into the ravine below like anything short of jumping without a chute was going to be a sore disappointment.
I closed the short distance between us and looked down at her. The incline of the path made her tip her head back and exposed the long slender column of her throat. “Slow doesn't need to be boring if you're doing it right." I ran my hand down the outside of her arm over her small biceps, her soft elbow, and her thin wrist until I reached her fingers. This close I could hear the slight increase in the rhythm of her breathing. She wasn't unaffected after all. I threaded my fingers through hers and when she didn’t draw away, I turned to finish the rest of the hike with her hand in mine.
When we reached the second mile marker, I spotted the anchors that Noah had mentioned this morning. "Give me a sec," I said, squeezing her hand as I let it go. I busied myself clipping our safety harnesses to the anchors and double-checking the bolts for surety. There was precious cargo with me today and I wanted to make sure we were extra safe.
A rustling of dirt and rock behind me made me look up. Sam was standing very close to the edge and peering over. The memory of the sad widow who'd overdosed flitted through my mind. Sam wouldn't be standing so close to the edge intentionally, right?
"You okay?" I called out softly so as not to surprise her. When she turned to face me, she had a queasy look on her face.
"I don't know about this," she admitted. "The idea was nice but maybe I should just wait up here." She squeezed her hands together and then pointed to a tall tree that provided some nice afternoon shade. "How about I just sit over there and knit? I can occupy myself for a few hours that way with no problem."
No, not trying to jump off, simply a little frightened. That I could deal with. I walked to the edge with her and put an arm lightly around her shoulders. She shivered a bit and I wasn’t sure whether it was fear or anticipation. I drew her closer to my side where she fit perfectly, her shoulder under my arm. When I felt her head rest lightly against me, I resisted the urge to pull her even tighter, to conform her body against mine and kiss her until she forgot about being afraid or being mad.
"I'm being a baby,” she muttered.
“Trust me, I don’t think of you as a baby at all.” I wondered if her husband had taken her out and not allowed her to be afraid. "Everyone is afraid the first time,” I lied. "I promise this is a safe adventure." Pulling her back to the ropes, I shook out the harness and gestured for her to step into the web of nylon straps. She looked skeptically at me and then the harness.
"Hey, you got this."
She took a deep breath and stepped into the harness, grabbing my arm to steady herself. I slid the straps up her legs, over her slim calves and the tender skin of the backs of her knees, up past the golden skin of her thighs. Was that her trembling or was that me. As I slipped the nylon harness into place, I talked—more to distract myself than her because I was getting a little light headed after even that small caress. "This is Grace's harness, and you can bet your house that Noah checks this regularly for safety." I pulled the harness up a little higher so the webbing was over her shorts and not on her sensitive skin. "Okay for me to tighten them?" I asked, pointing at the straps.
She had that wide-eyed look again, the one that I thought signaled flight but she just nodded. With my face level with her waistband, I could only imagine doing one thing and that was learning forward and burying my face between her legs. I was feeling winded, and not because of the altitude or the hike but because kneeling between this girl’s legs felt a lot more intimate than some of the things I’d done with other women—women whose faces have somehow faded from my memory. Pressing a knee into a stray rock on the path, I started reciting the Marines' hymn. That was a boner killer if there ever was one.
I hadn’t invited Sam out for a public quickie in the woods. I’d tossed out the invitation because…the realization struck me. Because I wanted to spend more time with her. I enjoyed the hell out of just talking with her and that weirded me out more than the hard-on I’d just gotten kitting her out in safety gear. I finished as quickly as I could and stood up. Sam's face was flushed and her breathing was uneven. Ignoring those telling signs and praying my own erection wouldn’t spring up again, I stepped back and busied myself testing all the connections. Satisfied that everything was in order, I hooked us to the anchor and then came back and went through some internal safety checklist a second time.
"Do all adventures require safety checks and harnesses?" she asked.
"Only the good ones." Over her hands, I pulled short fingerless gloves that would protect most of her palm and fingers from a rope burn. "I'm going to go first. You'll follow right behind me. Don't grip the rope too tightly, but let it flow through your fingers. You’re going to walk the wall, and I'll be right underneath you, so if you let go too fast, I'll catch you."
Samantha
EM>I'LL CATCH YOUEM. I LIKED that promise. In fact, I liked a lot about Gray this afternoon. His calm demeanor. His patience with me. His refusal to mock me for my little fears. I did feel secure in the harness he so carefully buckled me into although I almost passed out when he knelt between my knees. Eve's recounting of her favorite up-against-the-wall position had flooded my mind. "If you haven't tried that position then I’m really sorry because up against the wall or door while he's between your knees, one leg slung over his shoulder is un-friggin-believable."
I believed her because I felt ready to orgasm just looking down at him in that position as he was trying to put me in the safety harness. But my own feelings of lust were clearly not returned because, when he stood up, it was like he couldn't get away from me fast enough. I wasn't going to be sad about that. I was going to hang off a cliff holding on to a rope. That was pretty damn big for me.
Gray took hold of his rope and stepped over the side of the cliff like it was nothing. My heart climbed back into my body once I saw him braced against the side of the cliff with his feet, just below the edge.
"Ready?" he called.
I gave him a short nod and turned around. Slowly I let out the rope between my fingers and then started edging down over the cliff's edge. It was freaky and I almost let go. He must've climbed with amateurs before because he called out a warning.
"Don't let go of the rope. The rappel is all about the rope. Let it do the work." I slowly let the rope release through my hands, the friction miraculously allowing me to slide down slowly. I imagined I could feel Gray's body beneath mine and the thought steadied me. We slid down the rock wall and I felt like the action hero I’d thought about earlier. I wanted to throw up my arms and yell out but refrained, figuring Gray would bark at me to keep hold of the rope.
The mile-long distance between the top where we started and the rappel station below us sped by and before long, Gray was unhooking my harness and pulling the rope through the anchor. "Step back, I don't want the end of the rope to catch you in the eye."
Obediently, I stood off the trail. There was a smooth flat rock situated under a big canopy of trees. I guessed this was where Gray thought I could knit. It was a pretty perfect place. Gray was a conundrum. He’d turned me down last night but taken me out on an…outing, excursion—maybe even a date. Everything had been planned down to the last detail, and so thoughtfully. Even if I wanted to be mad at him for turning me down, I couldn’t be. So he didn’t want to have sex with me. He had taken me out and encouraged me to do something I’d never done before. Rappelling was incredibly fun and how many people could say that they’d done this?
After the rope fell down, I flew at Gray and gave him a big hug. "Thank you," I said, and then drew back, feeling a bit embarrassed at my exuberance.
"Fun huh?"
"Yes, very." The smile I was sporting actually hurt my cheeks. "Super fun."
Gray grinned back. "I'm glad." His eyes were warm and affectionate, like he was proud of his kid sister. I grabbed the backpack that Gray had discarded and tried not to be bummed out by the idea of Gray thinking of me like a little girl. He'd turned my advances down but was apparently willing to have me tag along for a little fun. The fact that he was sexy, nice, and thoughtful were things I should admire about him instead of objectifying him as a hook up. "I'll just sit here, then, while you rappel down and back up?" Given the quickness of our descent, I figured I wouldn't have a super long time to myself.
"I won't be long." He gave me a quick smile and jumped off to rappel down to the bottom. I sat down to knit under the shade but didn't even pull out the project. Instead, I stretched out on the rock and let the heat bake into me. It felt great. I felt great. I had been in a state of hibernation—and not just about guys. I’d shut myself off, and now I needed to work on being more social, enjoying interaction with others beyond my family and a few coworkers. Bitsy was right. I needed to start hanging out with other people my age, not just the over-fifty widows in my knitting support group.
I opened the backpack that Gray had shoved my knitting in and found sandwiches, chips, protein bars, and bottles of water. And napkins! My god, a girl could only be so strong. Mentally I prepared my police station confession. I'm sorry, Officer, but he held my hand, smelled amazing, and then provided me food. I had no recourse but to attack him. Go easy on me. Pushing to my feet, I decided to check on Gray. I stood and stared down at him—past the jutting rocks and the branches of trees growing out of the side of the cliff and long stretch of space until there was land. I leaned forward and felt the vastness take hold of me. And I laughed. It was more like a scream or a cry outside of my body but inside I felt relief and exhilaration. I didn't hear him at first because I was caught up in my own feelings. His voice was just an echo, like a free bird cawing to its flight formation in the wind.
"Get back!"
The sound was closer now, and when I looked down, my toes were poking into the space of the blue sky, and for a moment I tottered forward, startled by his shouts.
"Get the fuck back!" Gray roared. He was waving his arm at me. I wasn't sure if he was coming or going, but I stepped back obediently, my pleasure fading quickly. He clearly had a thing with people standing close to the edge. I didn't want to him to freak out anymore, so I lay down on my belly and dangled my arms over the edge as I watched his body get bigger and bigger as he closed the distance between us.
He was fuming mad when he got to the top. Even though he didn't say much, the jerky way he coiled the ropes and stuffed things into the backpack were pretty telling. Anxiety took hold of me. I hated when people were angry with me and when I disappointed them. It's why I kept having lunch with Will's mother once a month, even though it was more painful than a root canal as she tried to reminisce about the good old days when Will was still alive. Looking down at my shoes, I tried to shut out Gray's movements.
"Do you want to have something to eat?" he asked. Impatience rang out clearly in his voice even though he tried to pretend like he really wanted to sit on the nice rock under the nice shade and have a nice afternoon snack.
"No," I replied still looking down. "I think I need to get back."
His only response was to grunt and start walking down the hill. It didn't take long to get to my car and we hadn't exchanged more than two words on the hike back to the parking lot. When we were on the road, I ventured a thank you. "I had a good time today. Thanks for bringing me."
Gray sat in silence for most of the trip, but he obviously wanted to say something. He’d open his mouth, clear his throat, and then shut it again.
“What?” I asked, exasperated. “What is it that you want to say?”
He drummed the console between us with his finger tips for a moment and then gruffly asked, "Are you depressed? Do you need to see someone? There’s nothing wrong with that."
"No! Why do you ask?" Where did this come from? I was so embarrassed.
"Because you were…” he paused, clearly fighting some stronger emotion, but I didn’t let him finish. His unjust accusation fired my temper.
"I stood on the edge to see if you wanted to eat something. Clearly you have lingering guilt over the widow in your unit. Maybe you should see someone," I shot back.
"It's a platoon,” he said curtly.
"I don't really care, soldier," I replied sarcastically.
"I'm not a fucking soldier, and you know it."
"Don't curse at me."
"Don't call me a soldier."
"You Marines are neurotic about this, you know. You should see someone, just so you can get it through your head that not everyone is insulting you when they refer to you as a soldier."
"Only the Army has soldiers." Gray fumed.
The Rover came to a shuddering halt at the light at the top of the exit ramp. "See, neurotic." I pointed at him, not even paying attention to the lights. We were both breathing heavily, chests heaving. Quick as lightning, Gray reached across the console, and for a second, I thought he was going to kiss me. Maybe he was going to and he changed his mind at the last second. Instead, he pressed his forehead against mine.
"I'm sorry," he said.
I should've still been angry with him but his apology, his fear, his resignation wiped it away. "Me too," I whispered back. We might have stayed like that forever if not for the cars honking their horns at me because the light had turned green. I pulled back reluctantly and took Gray home. I helped him unload the ropes, and he gave me a quick hug.
"See you around, Sam." And then he was gone.
