Текст книги "The Becoming"

Автор книги: Jeanne Stein

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Chapter Four

Donaldson is on top of me, holding my arms at my side. Are you awake? I want you awake. It's no fun otherwise.

I hear the voice from inside my head. I think it's a trick, that I'm dreaming or still unconscious.

But the voice comes again.

Come on, Anna. I know you can hear me. We've had an unintentional exchange of bodily fluids. My bad. But you won't have to endure this long. Open your eyes. Look at me.

I don't want to. I try to keep them closed, actually squeeze them tight with all my strength, but my eyes open anyway. I turn my head to avoid looking at Donaldson, but steel fingers take my chin and force my face upward.

That's a good girl. No, don't try to fight. You can't fight me. Just look into my eyes. Do you like what you see?

Yellow eyes, slit like a cat's, stare down.

And something else. A snarling mouth with tiny, pointed teeth.

I start to scream, struggle again to break free.

Donaldson just laughs. His hands are everywhere—on my breasts, between my legs, tearing open the collar of my blouse, exposing my neck.

I do the only thing I can. I bite him again and again, feel the skin on his cheek and neck tear, taste the copper of his blood in my mouth.

It doesn't seem to faze him. He bunches up my skirt, opens his pants and pushes against me. His mouth is hot on my neck, his teeth pinch and tear and finally break through.

Everything changes.

His hardness electrifies me. I feel a thrill of arousal.

No.

I don't want this.

"Yes, you do,” he answers as if I've spoken it aloud.

Then he's inside me, filling me, driving me to the brink.

A moan escapes my lips. I arch up to meet him, using my legs around his waist to lock him to me, using my hands to clasp his head tight against my neck. I lap and suck hungrily at the blood dripping from his cheek. My body vibrates with liquid fire.

I don't want it to stop. Any of it. I can't get enough.

Chapter Five

"Anna?"

David's voice from far away.

"Anna? What's wrong. You're white as a sheet."

His words are distorted, as if he's speaking underwater. His hand is on my shoulder, guiding me back to the bed.

"I knew it was too soon for you to be up. That damned Avery. What kind of sadistic quack is he? I'm going to get a new doctor in here to see you right now."

His diatribe continues well past the minute it takes me to drag myself back from the ... What? Nightmare? Vision?

Memory?

It seemed very real. And it strengthened one terrible, nagging suspicion growing in the back of my mind. Was it really rape? And if it was, why am I not feeling what I should be?

What the hell happened in that car?

I find myself at the edge of the bed, looking up at David. Confusion and concern shadow his features. He's trying to urge me to lay back down. I don't want to. I shake off his hand, gently.

"It's all right.” God, how many times have I said that today? “I guess I got up too quickly. I felt a little faint, that's all.” His expression shifts to disbelief. “Please, David, I need to get out of here. I'll be fine with Michael."

"Michael again?” A muscle flicks angrily at his jaw. “Jesus, Anna, how can he help you through this better than I? I don't care how long you've known him. I was with you when it happened. I feel responsible. You're my partner.” His voice drops in despair. “I should have been watching your back, not out cold in some damned parking lot. This is my fault."

There it is. Guilt. He thinks he could have prevented what happened. “I don't blame you for what happened, David. We've been in dangerous situations before. We're in a dangerous business. I accepted the risk when I took the job. We were both hurt last night, not just me. And we're both going to recover."

"Maybe,” he says softly. “But my injuries are just physical. What he did to you is more than that. He violatedyou, for God's sake.

Can you ever really recover from something like that?"

Something like what? I'm sick with the notion that I might have been more of a willing participant than a victim. Not something I can say out loud.

When I don't respond, David continues. “Let me at least try to make it up to you. Stay with me. Or I'll come stay at your house.

No Gloria to give us grief."

He's changing tactics. His tone is light, teasing. Maybe it's time to ease his mind. I've taken a seat at the edge of the bed and I pat the place next to me. He sinks down, carefully, the neck brace restricting his movements. “You don't think Michael is the right person to see me through this and I know why. It has nothing to do with Michael and everything to do with you. You're feeling guilty."

He opens his mouth to object, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand. “I'm going to tell you a secret about Michael. When we were in college, some frat boys waited for him outside a bar. They beat the crap out of him and left him for dead for no other reason than he was gay. I took care of him. He does understand about violation, I think better than you. You've always been big and intimidating. I doubt anyone ever tried jumping you, did they?"

His face colors slightly.

"Well,” I add, “except for Donaldson, of course. And we both agree that was a fluke. You tripped or something, right?"

He doesn't agree or disagree, but he doesn't argue with me, either.

I take that as a good sign. “And as for Dr. Avery, I'm getting out of here today. You don't need to go ruffle any more feathers by demanding I have a new doctor. Besides, I like him. He's cute."

It works. David actually smiles a real smile. “God,” he says. “You're a piece of work."

I put my arms around him and hug, carefully, mindful of the brace. “When is this thing coming off?” I ask him, drumming gentle fingers against the stiff collar.

He responds by pulling at it, the Velcro fastenings releasing with a ripping sound as he tugs. “Now.” He tosses it away and works his neck, stretching his head from side to side and forward and back. “Much better."

I raise an eyebrow. “Should you have done that?"

"Hey, you forget, I spent ten years in the NFL. I've been banged up much worse than this."

Having a regular conversation with David feels good. No angst and recrimination, just talk. I push myself up. “Okay, I'm going to try this standing and walking thing again. More slowly, this time. Will you go fetch that nurse?"

* * *

I'm standing under a stream of hot water, back against the shower wall, letting the water wash over and around me. A nurse waits outside the bathroom door, on the off chance that I should need help. But I know I won't. My legs are no longer shaky, and my head is clear. I know it's my imagination, but even the bruises on my face seem less pronounced, and the laceration at my forehead is closing. Only the wound at my neck throbs and burns as the water plays over it.

The wound at my neck.

I close my eyes and turn my face to the wall. I told David that I would call Michael after my shower and that he should go on home and let Gloria take care of him for a few days. That I would be in touch soon.

But even as I said it, I knew I wouldn't make that call. I need to be alone for awhile. I need to sort through the disturbing images that keep breaking through my subconscious and asserting themselves into my thoughts.

Donaldson did something to my body in the back seat of that car. Something base and animalistic that I responded to.

I responded to it.

Could I have been drugged? That doesn't make sense. He didn't force me to drink anything. He didn't jam a pill down my throat or stick a needle in my arm. He just—

Just what?

What the hell did he do?

* * *

Dr. Avery pays me one last visit before I leave the hospital. He has my discharge papers in his hand, but he looks cautiously around the room before coming in.

"Your friend is gone?"

I nod. “Sorry about David. He's very protective."

"Understandably.” Dr. Avery approaches. “You are in an unusual line of work."

"Especially for a woman, right, Doctor?"

He smiles in a sheepish way that confirms I'd guessed what he was thinking.

"It's okay. I get that all the time.” Particularly from my family.

I hold out a hand. “Those for me?"

He hands me the clipboard and a pen and points to the place I should sign. “Have you made arrangements to be picked up?"

I nod without hesitation. I don't want him to know my plans anymore than I want David to know. I have only one small problem.

Clothes. I can't very well walk out of here in this air-conditioned hospital gown.

"I don't suppose the gift shop sells anything I could wear home, does it?” I ask, handing the signed forms back to him. “Michael doesn't have a key to my house. I'd hate for him to have to come here and pick it up, drive all the way to the beach for my clothes and then back to the hospital again. I'm kind of anxious to get home."

He doesn't even hesitate a second. “I think I can find a pair of scrubs you can borrow. Will that do?"

"Perfectly."

He starts to say something else, but the door opens again. This time Gloria sweeps into the room, David trailing behind. And I mean that literally. Gloria enters a room like the Queen Mother—imperiously—and everyone else gets sucked along in her wake.

Avery almost swoons. His mouth drops open in a stupid, awestruck sort of way.

"Hello Gloria,” I say without the least bit of inflection. “This is Dr. Avery."

He doesn't say anything, but his mouth does snap shut. And Gloria receives his silent tribulation as she always does, with little regard and great condescension.

She looks wonderful. She has that model figure, all tits and ass and long, long legs. She's wearing a pair of designer sweats—small white crop-top and low slung, curve hugging bottoms. Her dark hair is swept up in a knot, as if she just came from an exercise class. Her face is devoid of make-up, but that flawless complexion and those huge dark eyes don't need any enhancement. She's beautiful.

And she bloody well knows it.

She's pursing full, pink-tinted lips in my direction. “Anna, David told me what happened. Are you all right?"

I wish there was just the teeniest little note of concern in that voice, but there isn't. It's purely a rhetorical question asked for David's benefit, I'm sure.

"Yes, Gloria. I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

"Good. Glad to hear it.” She tilts her head and squints at me. “You don't look half as bad as I expected. Well—except for the hair, of course"

David shoots her a look, but my hands go instinctively to my head. I forgot I'd only towel-dried my hair after my shower. Shit.

Gloria puts a possessive hand on David's arm. “Well, we only stopped by to let you know that David and I are leaving. I know he said you have a friend coming to take care of you, but remember you can call us if you need anything."

The offer hangs in the air while we eye each other. Right.

She makes a move toward the door, but David hangs back a minute. He's frowning at me. “I still don't like this. You sure you're going to be okay?"

I smile. “Yes. Michael will be here any minute.” The lie comes easily.

"Call me tonight, okay?"

I nod, again catching Gloria's eye. I know full well if I call tonight, Gloria will answer the phone and I'll be a wrong number.

David comes closer, bends, gives me a kiss on the cheek. “We're going to LA for a few days. We leave tomorrow morning. But you have my cell phone number. Call me if you need anything. I'm only a twenty minute commuter flight away."

I nod again and they're gone. The news that David's leaving for LA doesn't hit me as bad at all. It will give me a few days to sort out what's happened on my own. No danger of an unexpected visit. I look toward the doctor.

He's still watching the door Gloria disappeared through, as though hoping to conjure her back again.

"Dr. Avery?"

He gives himself a shake, licks his lips and turns back to me. He has a dazed, questioning look in his eye. He's completely forgotten me, why he's here, and what he's supposed to be doing.

Gloria has that affect on people.

Maybe she's a witch. A real witch, not just the bitchy cousin.

"The scrubs?” I remind him gently. “You were going to get me something to wear."

His eyes clear and he jerks upright. “Of course. I'll be right back.” He clutches the clipboard to his chest and rushes out, hoping, no doubt, to snatch one last glimpse of the goddess.

Great.

I open the closet door. My purse is on the floor and I snatch it up and head back into the bathroom. There's a comb inside and I go to work on hair tangled from the shower. No wonder Dr. Avery swooned when Gloria showed up. I look like the “before” in a bad hair ad. I keep my hair short for convenience, but it does need to be combed once in awhile, and right now it stands up in peaks like a fright-show wig. Gloria must have had to really restrain herself from bursting into laughter when she saw me.

I peer at my reflection more closely. It's also no wonder Gloria didn't think I looked that bad. Damned, if those black eyes don't seem less pronounced. And the wound on my forehead appears to be closing itself even as I watch.

What is this?

I hear the outside door open. “Dr. Avery,” I call. “Look at this—"

But when I step into the room, he isn't there. On the bed a pair of hospital-green scrubs have been left in a neat, folded pile.

Guess I've seen the last of Dr. Avery.

Chapter Six

I live on Isthmus Court in Mission Beach, on a street so narrow there's no vehicle access at all. So I direct the cab driver to let me out on busy Mission Blvd. I walk the block to my home, dodging the summer surge of pedestrians that use my street as access, drawn like lemmings to the sea. It's often a nuisance, the noise and pollution, but I wouldn't live anywhere else.

My grandparents bought this place in the 50's, when charming, red shake bungalows were the norm. Now, mine is the only original cottage on the block, dwarfed by pretentious two and three story monstrosities that rise out of the ground like grotesque monuments to greed. It's a constant irritation what developers and new money have done to the neighborhood.

I'm only glad my grandmother didn't see it. She gave the cottage to me when she moved to Florida fifteen years ago. She died unexpectedly soon after, and I've lived here ever since—through college, through various forays into “real jobs” approved by my folks. Her gift is what gave me the security I needed to leave a final teaching job I hated and, eventually, to discover something that I loved.

I don't think my parents have ever forgiven her for that.

I pick up the newspapers lying on the porch and the dozen or so flyers from real estate agents inquiring as to whether I'd consider selling. They all assure me they have instant buyers, as I'm sure they do. But the smell of the ocean right outside my door and the brilliance of the sun bouncing off the water remind me of why I'd never leave—for any amount of money.

I open the door and breathe deeply, loving the familiar fragrance of cedar paneling mingled with the lodge scent of a real wood burning fireplace and the hint of my grandfather's cigars. It's comforting and welcoming and gives me a sense of belonging. My roots are here in this cottage.

I pick up the phone to check for messages. There are three. My mother, apologizing for the fight we had a night ago. Jerry Reese, the bail bondsman David and I work for, apologizing for not coming to the hospital to see us and wondering, incidentally, when we'd be available again for work. No mention of Donaldson or what happened to me. Curious. And the third from Max, my boyfriend, apologizing for not checking in sooner, but this was the first chance he's had in days and he's sorry he missed me.

Three messages, three apologies. I delete them all. I'll talk to my mother when they return from vacation. Jerry can wait until David comes back from LA I'm not about to go after Donaldson again on my own. And Max—he's DEA, in a deep undercover operation. There's no way I can call him back and there's no telling when I'll hear from him again. The relief I feel at that is no surprise.

I cross into the kitchen, tossing the newspaper on the table. My stomach is rumbling. No wonder. It's almost three o'clock, and I can't remember the last time I ate. I open the refrigerator and peer inside. There's plenty of food—luncheon meats, salad stuff, yogurt.

And the leftover lasagna from my favorite Italian place.

My salivary glands are working overtime.

I pull the covered dish out of the refrigerator and take it to the microwave. I work the corners of the cardboard take out box loose and hold it up to savor the sweet aroma of meat sauce laced with garlic.

A wave of nausea hits, so overpowering the container slips from my hand. The lasagna splatters across the counter in a greasy smear.

Shit.

I grab for a sponge and start mopping up, but the smell assaults me again. I can barely stand to scrape the mess into the garbage disposal but the thought of leaving it is even worse. I gag and choke, but finally the last of it whirls down the drain and I draw a cautious breath.

What the hell was that? I've never known lasagna to go bad.

I'm still hungry so it's back to the refrigerator. But nothing else appeals. I close the door and think. What do I want to eat?

A steak. Rare. My second favorite food in all the world.

I do an abrupt about face, snatch up the newspaper and my purse, and head out the back door. There's a dive right down the street that serves the very best steaks in town.

* * *

I've taken a seat on the patio facing the boardwalk. One of the things I like most about living on the beach is the constant, ever changing, ever surprising, variety of people drawn to the water. It's the greatest show on earth. The ocean is truly the great leveler.

It strips inhibitions, frees the psyche. All bare toes look the same buried in beach sand.

It's why I can sit here in baggy scrubs and bad hair and not draw the least bit of attention.

And, most importantly, it's why Jorge, my server, doesn't look askance at my garb or at my face as I place my order.

It also confirms my suspicion that my metabolism must be much better than I ever expected. I know I'm in good shape, I exercise and watch my diet. Still, I'm healing so quickly, there's hardly a bruise or scratch left.

How can that be?

Right now, I don't care. I'm hungry.

But there's something else nagging at me. Mentally, I feel good—really good. I know that's not logical or reasonable. Maybe David is right. I am in shock. Or maybe this is some kind of hysterical euphoria brought about because I survived Donaldon's horrific attack. I should ask someone. But Dr. Avery never mentioned that tardy counselor again, nor did he leave me her name or number with my discharge papers.

Another peculiar thing.

Jorge is back with my glass of wine and the promise that my steak would be forthcoming. It shouldn't take long. After all, I ordered only steak—bloody—no salad, no potatoes or veggies. I feel the need for protein, pure and simple. His simple acceptance of my order as nothing out of the ordinary is another confirmation of the wonders of beach life. No raised eyebrow, no frown of confusion to mar that wonderful, dusky-hued Latin face.

I think I love him.

I take a sip of wine, sigh, and sit back. The newspaper is at my elbow and I open it, scanning the headlines, wondering what I've missed in the last twenty-four hours. Not much, it seems. I page through the sections one by one. I'm almost through Section C, local news, when a small article at the bottom of page 8 catches my eye. It's about Donaldson and my heart stops. I'm afraid it's going to be about the attack and that my name will be mentioned. I know the rape laws prohibit that, but it takes me a minute to swallow that fear and start reading.

The article turns out to be very different than I expect.

Donaldson is now a fugitive wanted for not only the suspected embezzlement, but sexual battery and murder.

Murder?

I read on. According to the article, Donaldson evidently returned to the apartment in Chula Vista where he killed the woman he had been staying with. She was found with her throat cut. She had been beaten, sexually molested, then washed and left drained and lifeless in the bathtub. It is presumed Donaldson has taken her car and headed to Mexico. A description of the car and license plate number followed, along with a warning to the public that he is considered armed and dangerous and should not be approached.

I lay the paper down and take another sip of wine.

Did he attack his girlfriend before or after he attacked me? An icy finger touches my spine. What did Dr. Avery say? It looked like he tried to cut my throat. I could very well be dead, too.

And yet—

There's nothing in the article at all about what happened to me outside that bar. In fact, it suddenly dawns on me that I haven't been contacted by the police about it, either. Bail enforcement agents are not beloved by most cops, but I was the victim of a crime. I should at least be interviewed. And then there's the matter of my car. It must be in an impound lot somewhere, and once it's been processed for evidence, it should be returned to me.

Why didn't I have a message from the police asking me to get in touch? Did David take care of all that and forget to tell me? Or did he and Dr. Avery convince the cops there was nothing I could contribute—except the physical evidence they collected, of course—until my memory returns?

At least one thing is cleared up—why Jerry didn't mention Donaldson when he called. Because of the new crimes lodged against Donaldson, the court will already have revoked his bail. Jerry would no longer be liable for the bond. Donaldson will be heading straight for jail.

Once he's caught. The longer he's in Mexico, though, the less likely that is.

Jorge appears with my steak, and I dig right in. The succulent meat is tender and bloody—not usually the way I like it. I'm more of a medium well-done gal. But today, rare is the ticket and it's great. Must have to do with losing so much blood.

I sigh contentedly and chew, letting my thoughts wander to more mundane things as I eat. Laundry to be done, shopping, bills to be paid. I make a mental list of what to do in what order, finish the steak, soaking up all the juices with a slice of bread, wipe at my lips with my napkin and motion to Jorge to bring the check.

I realize as I offer him my credit card that it's been a good twenty minutes and I haven't once thought about what happened in that parking lot. This ambivalence isn't natural and while part of me is grateful that I'm not falling apart, a saner voice of reason knows that something is definitely wrong.

I just can't figure out what it is.

I leave the restaurant and stroll back along the boardwalk to my street. It's late afternoon and the sun has finally burned through.

There's something about the quality of sunshine on the beach that's different than anywhere else. Reds and blues and greens show truer, which explains why so many beach houses are painted in shades of the rainbow. The clean, clear colors reflect that glorious sunshine and make you happy just to look at them.

I'm feeling that happiness now, basking in it, letting the warmth of the dry summer sun soak deep into my bones. This is the way it's supposed to be in July. Maybe we've finally broken out of that damned—

But something else gets broken, too. My pleasant reverie. I'm almost home and there's someone leaning against the front gate. He's dressed in ragged cutoffs and a tank top, but that mop of red hair is unmistakable even from a distance.

Dr. Avery is making a house call.