Текст книги "Nash"

Автор книги: Jay Crownover

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

“Saint, it’s cold out, we both have empty apartments, we’re both tall, and I’m not anywhere near as small as I was in high school. It might sound fun, but the reality is going to be cold and cramped.” He was grinning lightly when he said this, though, and I knew he just needed to be persuaded.

I put one of my hands on the center of his chest, felt his heartbeat steady and sound under my fingertips, and looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“Please, Nash.”

He sighed and put a hand under my braid at the back of my neck.

“As long as you realize I probably won’t stop at second base and that means your ass is the one that’s going to be naked and cold, then I’m in.”

I giggled, actually giggled, which I don’t think I had ever done before tonight, and kissed him on his scruffy chin.

“Deal.”

He put the stuff from our painting party in the trunk, hopefully because he wanted the backseat free … goody … and we started to head out of the city kind of toward Brookside.

“Where are we going?”

“Lookout Mountain.”

It was just outside Golden and where Buffalo Bill Cody’s grave was located. I had heard about it but had never actually seen it. You were supposed to be able to see the entire city from up there.

“Is that where you used to take girls?”

“Uh, no. By the time I knew girls had more going for them than the fact that they smelled good and would do my homework for me if I told them they were pretty, I was pretty much living with Phil full-time. Dude is a player, way worse than Rule or I ever was. I had the house to myself pretty much every night, so when I got the opportunity I just took them home.”

“What do you mean ‘got the opportunity’?” I remembered girls hanging all over him in high school. It didn’t look like he had to work too hard at finding a willing bed partner.

“I hung out with a dude in a band, every chick’s idea of the perfect rebel, and the captain of the football team. I was just some guy with a bad attitude that was constantly getting told what a mistake I was at home. I didn’t know how to talk to girls that mattered. I had girls floating around that were easy and would put out … they didn’t really care who the guy was. That means they could’ve been into Rule for the night, or Jet. Opportunity definitely had to play into it.”

That was so odd. My perception and the reality of everything back then just seemed so different. I wanted to ask him more about it, but we got to an outcropping of rock that was flat and just long enough and wide enough for him to park the car. He killed the headlights and threw an arm over the back of the seat and looked at me in the now-dim interior of the front seat.

“We can go back to the city. You say the word.”

I didn’t answer him. I lifted up and wiggled over the back of the seat instead. I pulled off my flannel shirt along the way. He left the car running, but it was still January in Colorado and we were high up in the foothills, so it was brisk in the car and the windows were already fogging up. He watched me for a second and then got out of the car. There was no way he was fitting over the seat like I did, and he pulled his wallet out on the way. He handed me the square foil packet and climbed in, pulling the door shut behind him. He stripped off his hoodie and hat and we sat facing each other.

I thought he would grab me and pull me to him, but a ghost of a smile teased around his mouth and he pushed back his broad shoulders so that he was lounged across the leather seat.

“This is your game, Saint. How do you want to play?”

He was always putting me in the driver’s seat, pushing my limits, making me say what I wanted from him. Maybe that was why I never froze up with him, why I never had to question what was happening between us, because everything that was happening was what I was asking for. There was no room for rejection or judgment that way.

I shivered, and not at all from the cold.

“I want you to kiss me.”

He reached out and caught my braid in his hand and used it to reel me in. When our mouths touched, it was so much more than a simple kiss. He tasted like the past and like the future, the then and the now. He felt so strong and solid, but his lips were soft and searching. His skin was rougher than normal, but when he pulled me closer and our noses bumped, the glide of that little piece of metal he wore was smooth. He twirled his tongue with mine, and used his teeth on the plush curve of the inside of my lip. I gasped into the kiss and felt him chuckle. Before, I would have automatically assumed he was laughing at me. Now I knew he was just amused because it felt that good and he knew it.

My hands were on his chest and I used them to start pulling his shirt up across his flat stomach. He helped by lifting his arms up as much as he could. Considering the confined space and how broad across he was, it took a little finesse to get the fabric out of my way. Goose bumps danced across his golden skin and I bent my head to trace the ones across his collarbone with the tip of my tongue, which made him grunt.

“Now I want to kiss you.”

He was still holding my hair like a rope, so he had to loosen his hold when I ran the flat of my tongue over one of his nipples and then the other.

He swore and muttered, “Headed the wrong direction for that, pretty lady.”

I traced the ridges of his defined abs with my fingers and watched in delight as the muscles tensed and flexed along with the caress. It made it look like the wings along his abs were fluttering in the night air.

“No I’m not. I’m a little worried about working around all that metal down there, but I’m definitely headed in the right direction.”

He swore again and I started working on his belt buckle. It wasn’t something I had done more than once and Nash was working with some heavy-duty equipment, but I was fascinated by it all and wanted to make him feel as good as he always made me feel.

“Just act like it isn’t there.”

“Why? It might be my favorite part.”

He laughed again, but it turned into a groan when he fell out hot and hard into my waiting hands. He was throbbing, thick and anxious, as I hovered over him. I rubbed my thumb over the ring in the tip and his entire body jerked in response. I let out a breath I wasn’t aware I was holding and he muttered my name softly as the moist air caressed his ready flesh.

I dropped my head and pulled the pierced head into my mouth. It was a texture and sensation overload, must have been for him, too, because he bowed up and his hand jerked on my hair hard enough that it hurt a little bit.

“Jesus.” No, not quite, just Saint, but I would take it as a sign he liked it.

I rolled the hoop across my tongue, skated down over that hidden barbell and farther down the shaft until I felt like I couldn’t take any more. I slid back up and repeated the exact same motion again, only this time I added a hand around the base that I squeezed with my bobbing motion because he was just too much to take in. He said my name again, I felt the legs I was using to brace on tense and his stomach go rock-hard, but right as I was starting to taste the slippery, salty release that would let me know it was a job well done, he pulled at my hair so hard it actually hurt for real and yanked me up and off of him.

He was breathing hard and his eyes were indigo. “If you do that much longer, one of us is gonna end up cold and horny. Hint, it won’t be me.”

He started pulling on my stretchy yoga pants. I was super glad I had worn something that was easy to wiggle and twist out of with very little room and big impatient hands getting in my way. He abandoned the bottom half of my outfit and went to work manhandling my tank top off over my head. I had to admit it was gratifying that I could actually feel how ready, how needy, he was for me. That was a powerful mood enhancer, and as soon as I got my panties off over the toe of my sneaker and he had himself covered, he pulled me down over him and we both made a noise that could only be described as animalistic. It was guttural, deep, and we both felt it as we joined together.

I leaned forward a little and he took advantage of my new position by pulling my nipple into his mouth. I felt the tug and pull all the way at my core, just like I felt the way that metal he was wearing pressed insistently against my G-spot. I moved up and down, set a quick and hurried pace because it was cold and because I knew he was already close. It felt amazing; he always knew what do to build the pleasure up, to take me out of myself and just feel, but given the tight quarters, the limited mobility either of us had, I could tell he was holding back, could see the tendons in his neck straining while he waited for me to catch up.

“Nash …”

“Shit, Saint, you’re gonna have to help me out here. Give me a hand.” Both his hands were occupied helping me maintain the sexy ride up and down without hitting my head on the roof of the car. I glanced down at him and his meaning was clear. Sure, he could have finagled it, let go with one hand, but he was doing it again, pushing the boundaries I thought I knew were clear.

I didn’t even like to admit I touched myself to myself, and he wanted me to do it not only in front of him but while I was on top of him, joined to him. It was a clear challenge, one I should be pissed he was throwing down right in the middle of sex that was supposed to be nostalgic and fun, but I wanted to come, wanted him to let go because I could feel it pulsating in him. I loved how ridged and hard he was where he was buried inside me and he was holding on by a thread, forcing me to take one more step out of my comfort zone, trying to obliterate what I thought I knew.

I didn’t think, just let the hand that wasn’t holding on to the back of the front seat for balance dip between our undulating bodies, between my slick and spread folds, until I was touching that little heart of pleasure that was already sensitized and tight.

“Oh my.” It was barely a whisper that was drowned out by his roar of completion, just by watching me do what he asked.

It didn’t take much, just a feathery pet, a light stroke of a fingertip and I was shoved right over the edge right behind him. I was a lot quicker about it, but he pulled me across his heaving chest and sealed our mouths together in a kiss that tasted like satisfaction and always.

“That was probably the hottest, most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” He sounded gruff and a little winded.

I didn’t know what to say to that, never did, so I put my cheek on the hard curve of his pec and told him, “We’re getting really good at having sex while you’re still wearing your pants.”

He laughed drily and ran his hands softly up and down my spine. He didn’t call me on it, but I knew it bothered him that I never responded to his compliments. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to know how, that we were ever going to see the same person he saw when he looked at me.

CHAPTER 11
Nash

“Wow, dude, this place … it’s epic.”

Rule let out a low whistle as we walked through the empty space that was going to be the home of the new shop. Time just kept rolling on, and before I knew, months had come and gone and I still hadn’t been to the place. Now I felt like a loser because it was epic and it was sandwiched between two of the busiest restaurants in LoDo, across the street from a popular sports bar, right around the corner from all the coffee shops and boutiques that drew people to LoDo in the first place. It was right in the heart of the thriving city and way more stylish and trendy than the Marked was. I felt seriously out of my depth here.

I rubbed the back of my neck and looked at Rule out of the corner of my eye. We didn’t exactly fit in here, and I had no idea how he and I, two beer and chicken-wings dudes, were supposed to make a place that looked like mimosas and caviar a moneymaking business. I felt like we were scaring the locals just by being here, and there was so much work to be done. All of it was overwhelming.

Before Phil had tied us into the place, it had been some kind of exotic tea and coffee shop. It wasn’t in any way set up to be a tattoo parlor, which is why Rule and I had taken the afternoon off to get the lay of the land and meet Rowdy’s friend so he could look the place over and tell us what he thought about it all. I thought it seemed like a long shot, but Rule was intrigued by it and he was totally on board with Rowdy’s idea about expanding what we did and turning the upstairs into a retail store. Besides, I owed Phil nothing less than making his dream a reality.

“We are going to turn this into such a badass shop.” Rule sounded so sure of that.

I wish I had his enthusiasm, and admittedly some of my hesitation came from the fact that Phil’s health was steadily declining. I was watching the disease wither him away, and there was nothing I could do about it. So investing in this shop, getting excited about it the way Rule was, seemed to me like I wasn’t even waiting until Phil was gone to act on his wishes. Plus he was still pushing me to ask my mom for answers to all the questions I had, and I didn’t want to waste any of the time we had left arguing about it with him.

“I feel like we’re going to need to offer our clients infused water and hot towels, as swanky as this location is.”

Rule laughed and walked to the glass door at the front to let in the guy who knocked. They shook hands, and now that I could put a name to the face, I knew I had seen him in Rowdy’s chair more than once. Zeb Fuller was a big dude with dark hair and a serious, unsmiling face. This wasn’t a guy that looked like he had ever lived life easy and carefree. He had Rowdy’s signature old-school style of tattooing scrolled all along both sides of his neck and peeking out of the sleeves of his long-sleeved shirt.

He walked over and shook my hand as well and let his gaze search the mostly empty space. He totally looked like the kind of guy that could tear the place apart with his bare hands and then build it back up. I could see why Rowdy recommended him.

“Swanky digs.”

I chuckled at hearing my thoughts spoken aloud.

“Yeah.”

“So you want it gutted and made to look like the other shop? What exactly is the idea?”

Rule and I shared a blank look and then I shrugged.

“I have no idea. It needs to be a functional shop. It has to have room for at least six artists to work and a piercing room that’s closed off from the rest of the space. We need a front desk and a waiting area and upstairs is offices, but we were thinking about turning it more into a store.”

He didn’t say anything, just kept his eyes moving around the space. I looked at Rule, who looked back at me and shook his head. I snorted out a laugh.

“Is it obvious we have no idea what we’re really doing?” I felt like I had to ask.

Zeb cracked a grin, which made him look less intimidating. “Well, with a cherry location like this, you don’t really have to do much. People will come in and check it out just because of where it’s at, and if you add shopping to the mix …” He whistled through his teeth. “You’re gonna make bank.”

We walked with him through the rest of the space, and I was blown away by how much of it there was. The Marked was a pretty big shop. I mean, none of us ever tripped over the others and the waiting area comfortably held up to ten people at a time, but this place doubled that. I had no idea how I was supposed to manage something like that, let alone remodel and staff it. I felt a slow burn work up the back of my neck.

At the end of the tour, we ended back on the main level of the shop, and Zeb was writing things down on a pad of paper he had produced from out of nowhere. Rule was asking him questions and I was just standing there feeling useless and panicked. Zeb looked up and took in my expression.

“I’ll draw some stuff up, put together a couple quotes. What’s the time frame?”

I sighed. “Well, Cora’s gonna have to be in on the hiring and the actual business setup and she’s due fairly soon, so like maybe May?” I didn’t even know when I needed to have the place open by. I sucked at being a business owner. “That gives her time to be at home with the baby while remodeling is going on.”

Rule nodded. “Yeah, I would think May would be good, we would be open for a lot of the summer tourist business then.”

Zeb made a couple more notes and muttered something under his breath. He gave a quick nod then stuck the pen he was using behind his ear.

“It’s gonna be some work, not gonna shit you, but this is a great space and I think with minimal effort I can give you something that reflects what you guys are about but also fits in with what the downtown crowd looks for as well.”

“Sounds perfect.” Rule and I agreed.

“I’ll touch base after I get some ideas on paper, and we can talk firmer time lines and budgets. I know Rowdy threw my name in the ring, but I appreciate the shot.”

Rule lifted the eyebrow that had the studs in it and ran his tongue over his lip ring.

“Any friend of Rowdy’s …”

Zeb barked out a laugh that had no humor in it. “Yeah, Rowdy’s a good dude and I appreciate he doesn’t hold my past against me. Neither does Wheeler.” He dropped the mechanic’s name as I tilted my head a little to consider the common connection we shared.

“The past?” I had to ask.

He sighed and that massive chest that looked like he regularly did bench presses with a Buick rose and fell.

“I shouldn’t say anything because it’s cost me more than one job, but if we’re gonna work together, you might as well know that I served time. I got out over two years ago, but I have a record.”

“Served time for what?” Rule’s tone was sharp, but we both knew Rowdy wouldn’t send us anyone that was a danger to the business or anyone’s safety.

“Assault. I made some bad choices, and I paid for them.”

Well, that wasn’t awesome, but none of us were strangers with the other side of the law. Hell, less than a year ago Jet had gotten locked up for a day for beating the crap out of his dad. Granted, the old bastard deserved it and way worse, so the lot of us tended not to pass judgment when it came to past mistakes.

I told him simply, “As long as you can do the job and the price is fair, I don’t care about what happened in the past. Our working relationship is all about what’s going on in the here and now.”

He seemed to take my words at face value and we all exchanged business cards. He left and Rule and I walked out to the front of the building so I could lock the door.

“What do you think?” Rule’s tone was curious.

“I think I want a cigarette.”

He cut me a dirty look and followed me to where the Charger and his truck were parked on the street.

“Seriously?”

“I think that I don’t know what I’m doing. I look at that space and can’t even imagine tattooing there or the kind of clients we might have. I think I have no idea how to run a business, or how to get Phil to tell me the truth, and I think I’m falling for a girl who can’t seem to trust me fully, and as a result won’t let me get nearly as close as I want to. Do you know how much that sucks? I never wanted to get this close to any girl, ever.”

“Whoa …”

He laughed at me a little and reached out and clamped a hand on my shoulder.

“Chill out, brother.”

I swore and propped a hip on the fender of the Charger and crossed my tattooed arms over my chest.

“Seriously, Rule. I feel like I’m losing control of everything. The ride can stop anytime and let me off. Being dizzy sucks.”

Both his eyebrows shot up and he took up a spot next to me, his pose almost identical to mine. “Listen, Nash, you need to breathe. You have a lot going on right now, and trying to deal with it all at one time is going to make you flip the fuck out. Phil won’t tell you what you want to know, so go talk to your mom. Seriously, that’s the easy solution, and if Ruby the Great won’t tell you what you need to hear wait until Cora’s dad gets here for the birth of the baby and ask him.”

It made sense. I just wished I could do it without the talking-to-my-mother part.

“As for the shop and being a business owner, you are not in this alone. I’m here, Cora is here, Rowdy has your back, and we still have Phil. The success or failure of this shop will not be solely on you, Nash. We all want it to succeed, we all want to make Phil proud whether we do it in time for him to see it or not.”

He was right … more than my future was at stake here and I needed to remember that.

“As for the girl …” He bumped me in the arm with his fist. “There is no falling. You fell. She’s got you and there is no getting loose from that. So she’s guarded, so she’s hard to figure out … did you stop and think maybe the reason you like her, that she matters, is because she isn’t easy like all the rest? Easy is very forgettable, my friend, complicated and difficult stays with you forever. Believe me, I married it.”

I looked at him and tried to think of something to say that could refute what he said. There wasn’t anything.

“We were all a bunch of pricks back then; it took finding the right person to make me not want to be that guy anymore. You, well, you were always the nice one, but even the nice guy can have a bad day. Eventually she’ll get over her hang-ups over the past, and if she doesn’t, you move on because that means she’s not into the guy you are now.”

I huffed out a breath and watched it turn into vapor in the cold in front of me.

“When did you turn into the relationship sensei?”

“All my friends and family are falling in love around me, I’m just trying to keep them from making the same mistakes I made with Shaw. I wouldn’t waste any of the time I did getting to her if I could do it all over again.”

I would’ve made fun of him for being sappy and sentimental, but I had been there for the journey he took to get to his girl. It wasn’t always pretty and they had both hurt more than they needed to along the way, so discounting his words of wisdom didn’t seem very smart.

“All right. I guess I’m gonna cruise up the mountain and try and see if I can have a conversation with my mom without strangling her or trying to choke myself out.”

“Good luck with that. Hey, you still bringing the nurse to the Bar this weekend?”

It had taken a week of persuasion with both words and sexual lures to get Saint to agree to come out and meet my friends. Ayden and Shaw were champing at the bit to get to actually meet her outside of the hospital setting.

“If she doesn’t back out on me. She’s really shy, timid around new people.”

“You better tell her if she plans on sticking around, she needs to get over that, or else Cora is going to put together an ambush and the girls will end up on her doorstep without you there as a buffer.”

That was exactly what would happen, so I made a mental reminder to push Saint a little harder the next time we hung out. I didn’t mind pushing her, usually the results ended up with us naked and wrapped around each other, but I was still leery of pushing too far because I just didn’t know where her breaking point was. And frankly, I didn’t know where mine was either. I liked her, really liked her, in bed and out of it, but there was always something unknown about her that kept me on the edge. She was a strong girl, had to be in order to do her job and be as good at it as she obviously was, but outside of her work and away from the hospital, there was a veil of vulnerability and unease that surrounded her. I could practically see the struggle she was having within herself when we were together. She wanted to be with me, wanted to spend time together, but the gears in her head would start turning and I could see her trying to figure out how much of herself she could give to me and still feel safe.

I was also doing my best to show her a good time. Ever since the incident in the backseat of my car, I kept it in the forefront of my mind that she essentially had missed out on all the teenage nonsense that went along with boys figuring out how to get into a girl’s pants. So I took her to the movies and tried to get my hands in her shirt. I took her out for pizza and made out with her on her doorstep when I dropped her off. I tried to get her to go on a double date with Rule and Shaw, but she had balked at the idea, not ready to be that fully ingrained in my life yet, which led to the question of what exactly we were doing together.

I had never spent more than one night or one weekend with the same girl, so to me we were doing something that looked like starting a relationship. To her, though, I just didn’t know. She texted me, called me when she had free time, but never stayed the night at my place when she came over and never asked me to stay when I was at hers. Granted, she never asked me to leave either, but there was just a lot of gray area happening, and I felt like I was navigating all of it blindly since I had never even been interested in starting something with anyone before. I knew she was special. I just didn’t know how to show her that beyond what I was already doing.

The drive to Brookside went quick, mostly because my mind was running over everything and didn’t give me a minute of peace. I pulled into the driveway and breathed out a grateful sigh that at least my idiot stepfather’s SUV wasn’t anywhere to be seen, unless it was in the garage. That was highly unlikely because what good did it do in the garage where the neighbors couldn’t see it, marvel at its awesomeness, and be eaten alive with envy at Grant Loften’s obvious wealth and prestige? Fucker. I would never hate anyone as much as I hated that guy and God willing there would come a time that my fist and his face had a meeting.

My entire childhood had been spent under his disapproving eyes. I could never do anything right, was always treated like a burden by him. One of my clearest memories of his sheer shitheadedness had been when I couldn’t have been more than four or five. I had just discovered crayons. I loved the colors, loved to swirl designs on anything and everything I could get my little, unruly hands on, including the walls. It was just crayon and what little kid didn’t draw on the wall? But to Grant it had been a crime akin to murder. To this day I can see him snapping every single one of the crayons and making me watch. I remembered the acrid smell of bleach as he made me scrub not just my bedroom wall where my art lived, but all the walls in the house. I was just a little kid, but to him that didn’t matter. Just like now, he never thought I did anything right.

What made it worse was the fact that he obviously loved my mom, treated her like she was a queen, and gave her whatever she wanted. He just had no time or use for me. And I would never, ever forgive him for making her choose between the two of us. Of course my mother should have picked me, I was her child, it was her job to love me unconditionally, but she hadn’t, and it was Grant who had made her have to make that call.

He was a man that had always been about appearance, a man all about prestige and perception, so the fact that I looked the way I did, acted how I wanted, had never made my time under his roof pleasant. As an adult … every single time he looked down his nose at me, every time he puckered his lips in disdain at what I was wearing or what I was saying … it took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to knock all his perfectly veneered teeth down his throat.

I jogged up the walkway that had a light dusting of snow on it still and knocked on the door. How sad was it that I was a stranger in the place that was supposed to be where my family lived? I saw my mom’s dark head peek through the window and then it took a solid four minutes for her to decide to open the door. We faced each other through the glass of the storm door and there was no mistaking the look of disappointment that flashed across her eyes when she took in my black hoodie, baseball hat, and jeans. I looked like I looked every other day of the year, and it was always lacking in her eyes. It shouldn’t still sting. I was an adult, had been on my own for way longer than she had ever pretended to raise me, but still there was always a tiny part of me that wanted her to see worth in me even though it always ended up with me feeling like she had drop-kicked my heart.

“What are you doing here? You didn’t call, Nashville.”

God, with the full name. I think she used it mostly because she knew how much it irked me.

“No I didn’t, but I want to talk to you for a minute, and I figured I could catch you at home.”

She played with the diamond necklace at her throat and put a hand on the door. My mom was a fairly tiny woman. I got my dark skin tone and hair from somewhere in her lineage. I could only assume everything else that made me who I was I got from Phil. Thank goodness for small favors.

“Grant will be home shortly. He won’t like that you dropped by unannounced.”

And just like it had always been, what Grant liked always won out over what was right and decent.

“It won’t take too long, Mom. Seriously, just give me five minutes.”

“You drove for two hours just to talk for five minutes, Nashville? That makes no sense.” Always with the censure and disapproval. It was a miracle I had managed to turn out as normal as I had.

“Mom …” I sighed and narrowed my eyes at her. “Phil is getting sicker and sicker. He has around-the-clock help at home, but he’s hardly eating and he sleeps all the time. I see him every day and I ask him every time to explain to me what in the hell happened. Someone needs to give me answers, Mom, and I’m not going anywhere until I get them. If you want me gone before Grant comes home, then you best start talking, otherwise I will hang out in the driveway and gladly have it out with him. No one wants that, I’m sure. What would the neighbors think?”

She looked like she was considering her options, and when one of the neighbors pulled out of their garage and looked over to see what was going on, I snorted at the irony as she finally relented and opened the door to let me in.

I followed her into the kitchen, where she begrudgingly offered me a drink. I turned her down and leaned against the counter while she poured herself a cup of coffee.