Текст книги "Rome"

Автор книги: Jay Crownover

Соавторы: Jay Crownover
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Текущая страница: 18 (всего у книги 19 страниц)

She put the chart down on the end of the bed and crossed her arms over her chest. She lifted a russet-colored brow at me.

“When you make it through something like this, you can’t squander the second chance away. I hope you know that. If you’re up to it, I’ll send the rest of your fan club in one at a time.”

I wasn’t up to it and didn’t make it past my mom and dad coming in and alternately crying and swearing at me for five minutes. My eyes were too heavy and there was too much blood loss and pain meds in my system for me to power through, and I was once again dragged into oblivion. The next time I managed to pry my eyelids open, it had to be late into the next night. The lights were off and the only sound I heard was the steady beep, beep of the machines checking my heart rate. The ventilator was gone, but I still had tubes sticking all over the place and moving any part of my body besides my eyes wasn’t something I was excited about.

“’Bout time you woke up, asshole. I’ve been waiting for a week to tell you how fucking pissed I am at you.”

Rule did indeed sound seriously pissed, but he also sounded hoarse and all kinds of torn up. I wasn’t sure why he was in the room when it was so late, but my brother had never been one to let other people’s rules dictate his actions.

“I understand why you did it, Rome. I get that you couldn’t let anything bad happen to Cora or to the baby, but for the love of God, did you stop and think what would happen to me if I had to bury another brother?” His voice cracked and I wanted more than anything to tell him I was sorry, to offer him some kind of comfort, but all I could do was blink rapidly at him. “I swear, when you are back on your feet I’m kicking your ass and you’re going to let me.”

I would have laughed if I didn’t think it would turn me inside out.

“It took both Shaw and Ayden to get Cora to go to the house and clean up. You should have seen her. She had more of your blood on her than you had in you. She had everyone worried she was going to run herself into the ground. None of the nurses would come anywhere near her, and if you had died—” He had to clear his throat. “If you hadn’t made it, Rome, I don’t know that she would’ve either; she was a mess. She was forcing her will for you to pull through so hard I think we all knew there was no way you wouldn’t make it. It’s a good thing you’re a fighter, brother. I wouldn’t want a pissed-off, pregnant girlfriend haunting me for all of eternity.”

That was all nice to hear but none of it touched the fact that she loved me. Rule got up and hovered over the edge of the bed. Those pale eyes were rimmed in red and he had more than a couple days’ growth of stubble covering his jaw. He looked awful. I wanted to tell him I saw Remy, that I understood it all now, but I still couldn’t make my mouth and tongue work. He nodded a little and rapped the knuckles that had his name inked on them against mine.

“Thank you for not dying, big brother.”

It was entirely my pleasure but he was going to have to wait until I had a little bit more get-up-and-go to tell him that.

He talked to me for another hour even though I couldn’t respond to him. He told me that Brite had showed up as soon as they rushed me into surgery. Apparently Cora had lit into him the second she saw him. My girl was mad that the shooter was in the safe arms of the law. The bloodthirsty little minx was all for brutal biker payback, but Brite had talked her down. He had also pulled Rule aside and assured him that, prison or no prison, the little punk would get his due. Torch and the boys would make sure of it. Rule was pissed enough and just unhinged enough to approve of this eye-for-an-eye method of payback, I was just glad the threat was gone. I didn’t mind taking a bullet for my girl, but if I had nine lives, I was down to the last one after this stunt.

He told me that Shaw had been working night and day to keep my mom from going off the deep end. Me getting shot had almost undone all the good that had happened with her since she started therapy. All the guys were taking turns keeping an eye on me, or rather keeping an eye on Cora so she didn’t overdo it. She didn’t want to go home, but they were making her now that I was out of the woods for sure. He told me that she had yanked Nash’s nose ring, pulled Rowdy’s hair and socked him in the gut, when they tried to make her leave before she was ready. It was funny, but it also made me happy to hear.

He talked to me until I fell back asleep, and when I woke back up, a doctor was buzzing around me asking me a million questions that I could only slightly shake my head or tilt my chin down to agree or disagree with. The consensus was that I was the luckiest bastard in the world and it was a miracle of fate that I was still here. The pretty nurse popped back in a couple of times and I was poked and prodded more than I ever wanted to be again in my life when Cora appeared like a punk-rock angel. I wanted to talk to her, but every time I tried, I broke off into a fit of coughing that made my injured lung feel like it was full of razor blades and barbed wire. I couldn’t even tell her that I would take a million bullets for her if it made her look at me the way she was looking at me now. She fed me slivers of ice and kept touching any part of me she could reach over the rails of the bed. It made me feel better than whatever the redhead was putting in my IV bag. I had a lot I wanted to say, but in the interim I just kept writing down that I was okay, that we were okay, on the tablet of paper we had resorted to for short conversations.

After lunchtime, Shaw and Ayden both showed up and tried to harass her to go and get something to eat, which she flatly refused to do. They were forced to call in reinforcements, and before I knew it, my hospital room was full of people. Rule and Nash walked in together, followed shortly after by Rowdy and Jet. It took about fifteen minutes more for my folks to show up and ten more for Brite and Asa to make an appearance. It was crowded, but everyone was just so overwhelmingly grateful that even though I couldn’t talk or interact, I was awake and aware … it was palpable in the antiseptic-scented air. It was almost like a celebration; only I was one big party pooper.

Cora curled her hand around mine and dropped her head down so that our foreheads were touching. Her eyes were right above mine and any question I had about what or what might not be in my future was answered right there. I would look into those eyes every day and know that any decision I made to make her happy, to keep her safe, would be worth any kind of sacrifice or suffering I might endure on the back end.

The chatter in the room was loud and I thought it was strange that the nurse made herself scarce once again when she caught sight of Nash. Maybe she didn’t like the flames on his head; they did make him look intimidating, but it didn’t justify the way she flat-out bolted when he told her a simple hello. If I could get my face to work, I would’ve asked her about it after everyone cleared out for the night.

“Everyone that matters in one place.” I looked up at my brother as he leaned over the other side of the hospital bed and looked down at me. I gave a slight nod and something flashed in his eyes. Oh, shit, I totally knew what he meant by that. He walked the few steps across the room to where Shaw was standing between Ayden and my mom and got to his knees in front of her. The entire room that had been full of talking and laughing went silent.

Shaw put a shaking hand to her mouth and I heard my mom gasp.

“I don’t have a ring. I don’t have a pretty speech prepared. All I know is that I love you more than life itself and I want every single person in this room to know that I want you forever, Shaw Landon. I love you. Marry me.” Typical Rule: he didn’t ask, he just told her. “Be an Archer. Be mine.”

Crystal tears worked out of Shaw’s glimmering green eyes and she almost looked like she was going to fall over from shock. Everyone held their breath because Shaw still hadn’t given Rule an answer. She was just staring at him and then she screamed so loud that a couple of the nurses poked their heads in the room. She was crying and laughing so hard she looked a little crazy. She would have to be, to be stuck with my brother for the rest of eternity.

She launched herself at him so hard that they tipped over and Rule ended up on his back with her holding him in a choke hold. A collective “awww” went up as she started to kiss him all over his startled face. There was no doubt she wanted to be his wife as much as he wanted her to be.

“I’m always yours, Rule. I will so totally marry you and it would make me happier than anything in the entire world to be an Archer. I don’t need a ring or a speech. All I ever need is you.”

I squeezed Cora’s hand as everyone cheered again as Rule kissed Shaw like they were alone and not on the hospital floor surrounded by family and friends. Like everything I was learning, it was just perfectly imperfect. Cora looked back down at me and dropped a kiss on my forehead as everyone else rushed to congratulate my brother and his new fiancée. I was happy for him, proud of him. He had made the right choice and had picked the right girl.

“I don’t care where we live, Rome. I just want to be where you are. I was trying so hard to make choices that kept me from getting hurt again … it was weak and caused unnecessary grief between us. I’ve been chasing my idea of perfect for so long I didn’t know what to do when it was right in front of me. You were right, you are perfect for me because I’m just as imperfect as you are, but with you, it’s all just flawless. I thought I was terrified of what would happen if I gave you my love and you decided you didn’t want it anymore. That’s got nothing on watching all the life flood out of those beautiful blue eyes. I thought I lost you for real, big guy, and my heart stopped. It wasn’t broken, it wasn’t hurt, and it flat-out stopped working because I thought I was going to have to go on without you. I love you, Rome. I’m not scared of letting you have all of it anymore. I’ll give you everything and then some more. I’ll give you everything I have, big guy.”

That was all I wanted to hear. Too bad I still was all messed up and couldn’t tell her any of that awesome mushy stuff back. She had already given more than I could ask for. She gave me myself back, she was giving me a baby, she gave me herself, and that was all I really needed. Just like Remy said, just like she had told me all those months ago, she was just going to have to know it. Just like I would know it from here on out.

CHAPTER 19

Cora

Shaw was glowing, and not in the typical just got laid and it was sooooo good way. Her green eyes were radiant and I think the smile on her face was contagious because Ayden couldn’t stop grinning back at her, and I kept laughing. There was no missing the elegant and absolutely perfect solitaire diamond sitting on a simple platinum band on her ring finger. She was happy, and Rule had done a killer job picking out a ring that was just the right amount of rock and class.

“It’s beautiful. I’m so happy for you guys.”

We were back on the deck at Shaw and Rule’s house for a cool, fall barbecue before the full chill of October set in, and this one was going a lot smoother than the last one. Rome was still in a badass mood, but that had a lot to do with the fact he was on crutches and sick and tired of physical therapy, not because he was mad at the world in general anymore. He was sprawled out in a lawn chair next to the grill, and he and Rule were alternately arguing about the best way to grill steaks and drinking beer. He didn’t normally let loose like that, so it was nice to see him with a grin on his face, even if it was hidden behind a scruffy beard he refused to let me help him shave off.

“What about you guys? The house hunt going any better?”

I shook my head and took a sip of water. “No. I thought I was being difficult but now he can’t decide on anything. Nothing is safe enough. No neighborhood is right. I’m ready to strangle him, and not just because he’s the worst patient in the history of injured men.”

Rome was a warrior. He bounced back at a rate that left the doctors and nurses baffled. He told me that he didn’t want to be in the hospital anymore, he wanted to be home with me, and that was his motivation to get better so fast. The bullet in his leg had done a number on him. It tore through muscle and tendon, making it impossible for him to immediately get back on his feet and be mobile. The shattered rib made moving and lying down a chore and hindered his movement with his right arm, so he was just generally grumpy, and I think he was sexually frustrated because the doctor had told him no action for at least six weeks and we weren’t even to the halfway point yet. He was a big, grumbly teddy bear.

He was also annoyed that he couldn’t be as present at the bar as he would like to be. Brite was back to watching over things until Rome was back to a hundred percent. I secretly thought the old marine felt guilty that Rome got hurt on his watch. They had a pretty intense bond and I was so glad Rome could rely on him. Brite made him talk to his friend after the shooting. He didn’t give my guy any chance to slip back into the black place he had been in before, and as a result there had only been one episode since the shooting where Rome woke up in a cold sweat and shaking. We both considered that a win, and I couldn’t wait until he was better so that I could just take care of him in my own special way and we could both go back to sleep exhausted and smiling. Brite had also shown up at the hospital while Rome was still unconscious, stroking his beard and looking like the cat that ate the canary. It seemed like the shooter had made bail, but he had missed his court date and no one had seen hide nor hair of him since. I wasn’t vindictive, but after I’d been bathed in the blood of the man I loved, there was something to be said for brutal and swift biker justice.

Ayden cleared her throat and took a swig of the Coors Light she had in front of her. Her amber eyes considered me thoughtfully.

“What about just keeping your place? Jet’s been talking about taking part of the studio and converting it into a loft so he’s closer to work when he’s in town. It’s right downtown and close to work and school, plus if Jet follows through, then I could actually see him more when he’s in town and not working.”

I looked at her in shock. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I want to be with him whenever I can. I’m actually thinking about putting grad school on hold for a year so I can travel with him. He’s going to the UK at the beginning of next year and I want to go. Grad school will always be there; traveling the world with Jet is an opportunity I might not get once I have a steady job.”

I loved my house, loved my neighborhood, and if all the other rooms were empty, it would have plenty of room for me, Rome, and the baby. I bit my lip and tilted my head to consider her thoughtfully.

“What about you and Asa?” Her brother wasn’t at the barbecue. Since it was a weekend and the bar was going to be busy, he had offered to go in so Rome could come hang out with me and the rest of the hooligans. My guy and the Southern charmer had some kind of bromance going on. I didn’t question it, but where I knew Asa could be slippery and scandalous, Rome only saw a coworker and a buddy. It was actually kind of cute and I felt bad for the girls who came into the bar trying to get in between them. I think Asa was one of the few who didn’t give my guy a hard time when he got lost in his own head. He just waited it out until Rome was back to being Rome.

“He’s still ticked off at me. He acts like everything is fine, but I can tell he hasn’t forgiven me, and I don’t really blame him. He comes by sometimes, but mostly he just shoots the shit with Jet and pretends like I’m not even there. He’s nice enough when we talk on the phone and whatever, but I really hurt his feelings when the bar got robbed. I’m not really sure where he’s been staying, but he seems happy with whatever he has going on, so I don’t pry.”

I could see that she was upset about it but I didn’t know what to tell her in order to make it any better.

“I’m sorry, Ayd. That blows. I’ll ask Rome about staying in the house. It would suck for you to go to all the trouble of moving out if he won’t go for it.”

She nodded and Shaw tapped her finger on my left hand. “What about you guys? You think you’ll join the ranks of the hitched and the engaged anytime soon?”

I put a hand over my rapidly growing belly and felt a little tremble under my hand. I wasn’t far enough for Rome to feel when it happened but I knew my baby was in there safe and sound thanks to Daddy, and it always made my heart swell and overflow with love. I didn’t need a ring or a wedding to make that any better.

“We’ve had a lot of excitement in a short amount of time. I think we’re both just looking forward to things settling down and being normal for a little while.”

Shaw threw back her head and laughed while Ayden rolled her eyes.

“Cora, nothing with you is ever normal.”

She wasn’t wrong, so I tossed the cap of my water bottle at her.

“Shut up. Besides, you know Rome has to get better so he can be Rule’s best man. We already have one wedding to focus on. We don’t need another.”

Rule wanted to wait until after Shaw graduated to get married; Shaw didn’t. The compromise was they would have the ceremony in December—a Christmas wedding before she and Ayden went back for their final semester in the spring. That was almost no time to plan a wedding, but with all of us chipping in and Shaw’s determination to be an Archer, I had no doubts it would happen and be wonderful. I wasn’t excited about being the size of a whale in my bridesmaid dress, but I would do it for her.

“How did your parents take the news?”

Her green eyes darted away and she chomped down on her lip.

“I maybe, possibly haven’t told them about it yet.”

Ayden shook her head and I rolled my eyes. I looked pointedly at the rock on her finger.

“That’s gonna be kind of hard to hide, girly.”

She fidgeted nervously. “I know. It’s just a fight I don’t want to have. I’ve never been so happy. I never, ever would have thought Rule would want to do something as traditional as get married. No one, and I mean NO ONE, is going to rain on that parade.”

I understood where she was coming from and I didn’t envy her going forward. That was a battle that wouldn’t be fun and I think we all knew it.

I looked up in surprise when Rowdy was suddenly looming over me with his hands on my shoulders.

“Tink, you might need to rally your man. I think beer and pain meds might’ve done him in.”

I spun around on my chair, and sure enough Rome was zonked out on the lawn chair. Rule and Nash were hovering over him, trying to decide if they should find the situation cause for concern or hilarious. I patted those tattooed hands and got to my feet.

“My turn to save him.”

That’s what we did. We saved each other. He forced me to see that living in fear got me nowhere and that holding out for some unobtainable ideal of perfection was just silly. I made him realize that whoever he wanted to be and whatever he chose to do was enough. He didn’t have to be anything more. He wasn’t perfect, I wasn’t perfect, but the love we had for each other … nothing was more perfect than that.

I elbowed my way between Rule and Nash and bent down so I could put a hand on one of Rome’s prickly cheeks. He didn’t look bad with a beard; in fact it made him look almost too rugged. The last thing he needed was anything that accentuated his raw and undeniable man-ness. But I liked his pretty face and missed it hidden behind those bushy whiskers.

“Come on, Captain No-Fun, time to go home.”

His dark lashes fluttered along the high ridge of his cheeks and those breath-stealing blue eyes blinked open. It was strange to see him so vulnerable, so open, but he had never hidden from me and apparently he was done hiding from himself because it was all there in his gaze when he looked at me. Everything he was—hero, lover, stubborn pain in the neck, and a man with or without a plan—I could see it all and it just made me love him all the more.

He had to have both the other guys help him to his feet and it was slow going on the way to the truck. Even though it took some maneuvering and the use of every swearword in his vocabulary, he insisted on taking the Dodge instead of riding in the Cooper, which I thought would have been easier. He was going to have to get over his hatred of my car because sooner rather than later it was going to be too hard for me to hop up into the massive 4×4. He didn’t argue when I held out my hand for the keys and tossed his crutches in the back. I noticed that he had white lines of pain fanning out around the corners of his eyes despite the meds and the booze. It looked like he might have overdone it a little.

I reached out and patted his knee.

“So I have a question for you.”

He shifted his gaze to mine and just grunted. Okay, Captain No-Fun was in serious effect.

“Ayden told me that she and Jet are more than likely moving out. He wants to convert the studio. How would you feel about just moving in with me and staying at my place?”

He was quiet, which made me nervous. I looked over at him and was surprised to find he had his eyes closed and his head resting against the window. I thought maybe he was asleep and I wondered how I was going to get him inside and had a sense of déjà vu.

“Can we tone the pink in your bedroom down just a little bit so my balls don’t shrivel up and fall off?”

His snippy tone made me laugh as I pulled into the driveway.

“Sure thing, big guy.”

He sighed and shifted his big body so that he could maneuver himself out of the door.

“I love your place, Cora. It’s colorful and cute just like you. Plus it’s a rental, so we can stay there until we decide we want to buy something and stay there permanently. That totally works for me.”

Man, I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to contain how happy this big, gruff man made me.

“It works for me, too, and it would make me really happy.”

I went ahead of him to let him in the house. When I got to the door he followed me in and I guided him to the room so that he could sprawl on the bed.

“If it makes you happy, Half-Pint, you don’t have to ask. That’s all I want.” He threw the arm on his good side across his eyes and sighed. “I love you, Cora.”

Every time he said it, I kept it in a place deep down inside of me to cherish and hold on to forever. It was a special place full of special things, and even if our time together had been relatively short, that place had enough love in it to last a lifetime. I sat on the bed next to him and ran my fingers over his scruff.

“I love you, too, Rome.” It was so easy to tell him that now. To hand over everything I had been so foolishly afraid of giving to him. I realized now love didn’t do any good if you held on to it in a death grip. It only had purpose, had power, when you had the courage to hand it over to someone else for safekeeping.

“I know.”

It’s what he always said to me. “I know.” Like without the words he just knew how I felt. I asked him about it and he just smiled at me and told me he needed someone to point it out to him. When I asked what he was talking about, he just asked me what I thought about naming the baby Remy. I loved it.

“I also love your face and I’m sick of trying to find it in all of these whiskers. I know you can’t use your arm very well right now, so why don’t you let me help you shave?”

I ran a finger over the delicate curve of his ear and the eyebrow with the scar danced upward. I was hoping the pain meds and the beer were enough to make him more agreeable.

“You don’t like it?”

“I miss your face. It’s too pretty to be covered with all of this.”

“Is that why you won’t kiss me?”

I frowned at him and leaned down to drop a kiss on his sullen mouth. “No. I’m not kissing you because with you, kissing always leads to more and the doctor told you that was a no-no. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Not kissing hurts me and you don’t even want to know what no sex does to me.”

I had a pretty good idea—after all, I was on the other end of the ban—but his health and well-being were more important than an orgasm no matter how good he might be at giving them. I kissed him again and levered myself up off the bed. I stood over him and put my hands on my hips. I didn’t miss the way his eyes narrowed on my chest.

“I’ll run you a bath. You can relax and I’ll help you look less like a mini Brite. How does that sound?”

He grumbled that real men didn’t take baths, but he didn’t argue or try and stop me when I went into the bathroom and turned on the water. In fact by the time I made it back into the room, he had wrestled his shirt off and had his pants unbuttoned. I could just stare at him like that forever. Even with the angry scar that now decorated the side of his neck right above his collarbone and the ugly wound on his side, he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I just gaped at him like a dimwit until he laughed at me and ordered me over to help him up. It took some maneuvering and some shuffling, and by the time he got his pants the rest of the way off, there was no doubting that nearly dying hadn’t had any effect on his libido.

I looked at the erection that was now pointing straight upward at his rippling stomach and then up at him. He gave a small shrug.

“My dick doesn’t give two fucks about doctor’s orders.”

I laughed and helped him into the steamy water. He was so big the liquid spilled over the sides onto the floor. He gave me an I told you so look but settled his broad shoulders back and closed his eyes as I brushed a thumb over his cheekbone and along the strong line of his jaw where it was covered in a soft layer of facial hair. I used my other hand to grab a washcloth and roll it over his shoulders and neck, careful of his new battle mark.

“Rome.” Those unbelievable eyes flicked open and I thought I was going to drown in the blue of them. “We might not be perfect, but you and I are so perfect for each other. I just want you to know that.”

He grabbed the hand that I was using to stroke his face and sucked the edge of my thumb into his mouth. Between the heat from the interior of his mouth and the tickle of his beard, I was beginning to doubt I could keep this all business.

“Kind of funny how that worked out, isn’t it?”

He ran his hand up my arm and tangled his fingers in my hair, and before I knew it, he had my entire upper half bent over the edge of the tub and I was not only soaking wet but sprawled across his chest as his mouth sealed itself over mine. Kissing him while he was furry was interesting, and maybe I had been too hasty in wanting to get rid of the beard. His tongue rubbed against mine, his teeth nipped at the delicate skin on the inside of my lower lip, and I realized he had completely maneuvered me into the position with the use of only one good hand. Tricky soldier.

I pushed up off of him and shook my wet bangs out of my face.

“The doctor said no.”

“I say yes.”

I should have fought harder when he moved my hand under the water and wrapped it around his prominent erection. I told myself I didn’t want to hurt him, but the truth was I missed the feel of him, the weight of him in my hands and in my body. I gave that impressive flesh a light squeeze and bit my lip as I waged an internal war with what was right and what was right now.

“Come on, Half-Pint. I only have one working side, I got more holes in me than a golf course, and I haven’t seen you naked in way too long. Climb on and give me something to smile about.”

God, how I wanted to, but I just didn’t want to hurt him and I wasn’t sure about what he was going to say when he caught sight of my little surprise. I thought I was going to have more time to show him, maybe break him into the idea slowly in case he hated it, but his good hand was working into the neck of my tank top and his strong fingers were tweaking my nipple, making it hard to think.

“Rome …”

“Cora …”

I don’t even know why I thought I could fight it. I didn’t have it in me to deny this man anything. I scootched up so that I was propped up on the edge of the tub next to his bad arm. I made him lean his head back so that his neck was resting on the rim, and I kissed him long and hard. He tasted like beer and forever.

“When I take my shirt off, don’t freak out.”

That single eyebrow shot up and he chuckled a little. “I’ve seen your miraculously growing tits, Cora. I think it’ll be fine.”

I made a face at him and pulled my tank top over my head. There was no missing what I had been talking about and I heard him suck in a hard breath then swear when the action hurt his still-tender side.

“Oh my God.”

The tattoo was pretty big. It started on the back of my shoulder blade, the chain meticulously detailed and so real it looked like you could pick it up off my skin. Rule had tattooed the little metal beads that made up the standard chain so that they were in the shape of a heart. The design twisted and twined under my arm and high across my rib cage. The twin tags with all of Rome’s vital statistics hung next to each other under the soft swell of my breast. He was there, forever on my skin. I didn’t know a better way to show him how much he mattered to me, and apparently it had the desired effect because his eyes shot up to mine and for once the man that always had the last word was silent.

“That’s what you wanted my tags for.” His voice was husky and there was no mistaking the emotion in his tone. “It’s beautiful.”

So was the way he kept touching it.

“Rule did it for me. I thought I was going to have more time to surprise you. I wanted to show you when I couldn’t tell you that you were it for me, too.” I reached out and brushed a knuckle along the spot that cut across his neck that was still raised, angry, and red. “You permanently marked your skin for me, Rome. I wanted to do the same for you.”