Текст книги "Better When He's Bad"
Автор книги: Jay Crownover
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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 19 страниц)
It made me want to cry because even though he didn’t say it, I could feel it in him again. That was Bax letting Shane kiss me good-bye.
CHAPTER 15
Bax
DOVIE DIDN’T SAY A word when I took her back down the mountain to the group home. I made the drive last longer than it normally would and simply enjoyed the quiet and the feel of her hand on my thigh. The gnawing need to hurt something, or, more accurately, to let something hurt me, had faded to a dull throb in the back of my neck. I still didn’t want her to be part of this life, didn’t want her to look at me and see things I would never be able to be, even if she made me want to. At least this was a proper good-bye, and while she still looked sad and disappointed, she also seemed to have a quiet kind of understanding settled around her. She wasn’t pushing or asking me for things I couldn’t deliver on.
When I pulled up in front of the house, the first rays of dawn were just starting to crack on the horizon. She turned in the seat and I thought she was going to ask me not to leave her, tell me that we could figure things out between us, but she didn’t. She just leaned across the space separating us and pressed her lips softly against the star forever dancing on my temple. It made my breath lock so hard in my throat, I thought I was going to suffocate.
“Take care of yourself, Bax. It would break my heart if something happened to you that was avoidable.”
The warning was clear. I was my own worst enemy and she knew it. There was plenty in this life that could end up destroying me, and she was finally seeing that instead of passing it by. I was actively seeking it out.
The door closed with a soft thud and I watched her until she disappeared inside the house. I tossed my head back against the headrest and squeezed my eyes shut. There was no air and there was no light. I called Race and told him I was taking off and let him know that he was going to have to either convince her to come home for Saturday night or watch her himself. There was no way I could do it and not go to her, not put my hands on her again. Plus I had the fight Nassir set up, and there was no way I could be in two places at once.
Race sounded sleepy but told me he would make sure she was safe, and I had no choice but to believe him. I called Titus, who was even less thrilled with the crack-of-dawn wake-up call than Race had been, and told him he better have something figured out no later than Monday or I was taking matters into my own hands. I was feeling reckless, untethered from everything, and in the very dangerous mood to make some shit go down. He yawned at me and told me to chill out. He said he had some people working on it and he should have an answer for me by Monday. I hung up on him and forced myself to go to the bungalow at the base of the Hill.
I couldn’t stand not knowing why Novak was ambivalent about the tape and had let Race go without as much as a scratch. I hated waiting on the razor’s edge for the other shoe to drop. I wanted to know what Novak was planning, what his next move would be. I wanted to go after him and throw everything on the table and see which one of us came out the victor. I was worried that he was going to get tired of the cat and mouse, of dangling the carrot, and the threat, right in front of my face and make a move before I could strike first. Even with Dovie hidden away and safe with Race, I had to admit I was terrified that Novak would find her before I took him out, and even though I was still pissed at both Race and Titus, I had to admit that I had some serious concerns Novak would go after them just to show me that he could. My baser instincts were screaming for blood and vengeance and they were all I could hear. The noise seemed so much louder than it ever had before, now that I really might have things . . . and people to lose.
The apartment in the city just didn’t feel right when I was there alone. This place didn’t feel right either, but it didn’t make my skin crawl. When I stripped and lay down on the bed Dovie had made the last time she was here, my mind quieted down enough that I managed to fall into a shallow and fitful sleep. My dreams were full of sad green eyes, the endless sight of iron bars and blood, the smell of gasoline, and a hollow ache that felt like it was going to swallow me up. I woke up in the early afternoon covered in sweat and shaking. I had always lived a fairly unpredictable life, never gave much thought about what it would mean for me to see the next day, and now that it was almost a certainty that I wouldn’t see it, I was starting to have regrets.
I regretted my mom was never going to be more than a drunk and never see this house I had bought for her. I regretted ever dragging Race into the darkness. Our friendship had started out based on violence, and it was going to end in violence, and that sucked. I regretted hating my brother for so long. Granted, I was never going to forgive him for arresting me that night, but I could see more clearly now that we were all the products of the choices we made, and for him, putting me in jail was the bad choice, but it was the only one he could make. Titus wasn’t my enemy, but he wasn’t on my side either, because my side was losing, and he saw it.
Then there was Dovie. I should be drowning in regret where she was concerned. I should be beating myself up for ever touching her, for pushing her into giving in to me. I should feel bad for turning her life upside down when I never had any intention of sticking around to help her when everything was over. My soul should be shredding from touching something so pure, so lovely, and knowing I left black smudges all over it. I didn’t feel that way, though. When I thought about her, all I could feel was light. The short time she had been a part of my life had given me room to breathe. She did more to set me free than walking out of those prison gates ever had. If someone as sweet, as careful with herself as Dovie, could see something inside me worth caring about, then there wasn’t only blackness. She was right; I was more than the sum of my parts.
I wished this knowledge could change the path that was already laid out before me. Just like my destiny had always looked like my options were very clear to me—jail because I would kill Novak, or the morgue because Novak was going to kill me. I hated that now there were so many moving parts and so many other lives at stake. But no one was going to get caught in the cross fire if I could help it. This was a showdown that had been brewing for far longer than I think anyone could really understand. I didn’t have a plan, any rhyme or reason to how it should go down. All I knew was that I needed to face off with the bastard and only one of us was going to make it out of the confrontation alive.
I spent the rest of the day hanging around the house. Titus called me twice, both times to tell me things were eerily quiet on the streets and it was making him nervous. I didn’t know what to tell him, so I told him he should go by and see Mom when he got a chance, which made him balk. I had only seen her the one time since I got released, and even with all her problems, she had never disavowed me or sold me out when it would have been so easy for her to do. One of us, Titus or me, needed to let her know we weren’t giving up on her, and since my future was so nebulous and uncertain, it was going to have to be him.
I tried to call Race and ask him what he was going to do about keeping an eye on Dovie that night, but the call went right to voice mail. Too restless to stick around, I did what I did best and drove. I got in the Runner, opened the throttle, and took off. I didn’t have a destination in mind, I just needed the growl of the engine and the feel of all that horsepower vibrating to keep me in check. I was not going to give in to impulse. I drove until I was almost out of gas, until I was lost and my mind was numb. I drove until the sun fell out of the sky and I needed to head back to the city and get to Nassir’s. I called Race again on the way in, but he didn’t answer and cold shards of apprehension slid down my spine.
I called Dovie because, really, she was the one I was ultimately worried about, and felt my heart constrict when her voice came across the line.
“Hello?”
I just breathed out a sigh of relief and hung up on her. She was fine; that was all I needed to keep moving forward.
I parked the car in front of the warehouse and tried to give myself a mental pump-up. I didn’t need the money, no longer needed to feel the smack of bone on bone or feel the sting of fists to the face in order to get my head straight, so there was zero motivation for letting someone pound on me now. I hated that Nassir, in all his oily grandeur, ultimately profited from my rash decision-making process. He was just as bad as Novak when it came to pulling strings and treating people like game pieces. They all needed to go down. The Point needed to be burned and purged so people like Dovie and the kids she was trying so hard to save got a fair shot at making it out. I would burn with it in the end if that’s what it took.
I wound my way down the hallway that led to the open floor of the club. Had I not been so twisted up on the inside, I would have noticed something was off. There were no screaming bettors, no thumping electronic music, no smell of weed and booze, and the heavy desperation and greed that always seemed to perfume the air in the club was missing. By the time I made my way to the old factory floor, it was too late for self-preservation. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I came to a grinding halt in the center of the floor.
The lights were on, so a swirl of neon slashed across Nassir’s face as he grinned at me.
“Fight’s canceled. Something came up.”
I snorted and watched as the man standing next to him grinned at me. When the red neon light cut across the harsh contours of his face, it revealed the fiend that he truly was.
“Nassir told me you were looking for some action. I think you have enough on your plate without looking for a fight, Bax.”
When most people think about a crime boss, a master criminal, a cold-blooded killer, they think of a guy who looked like Benny. A slick suit. Some flashy jewelry to let people know just who they’re dealing with clad in a pair of five-thousand-dollar shoes with blood on the soles. Novak was anything but. He was big—bigger than me. He had wavy black hair that was too long and fell into eyes that were the same hollow and endless black as my own. I had never seen him dressed in anything other than jeans and a T-shirt with boots on. He had the city in a chokehold and he looked like as much of a thug as I did.
I crossed my arms over my chest and forced my breathing to slow and my eyes to go flat. I could taste the need for his blood, for vengeance, burning up my throat. But Novak never made a move without thinking twenty steps ahead, and the fact that he was here and not hiding out, safe in his insulated compound, spoke volumes.
“What do you know about what’s on my plate, Novak?”
He laughed and crossed his arms over his massive chest. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nassir take a few steps back and the same hallway I had just come down was suddenly full of Novak’s guys. Benny led the charge, the smile on his face enough to make my nerves start to shudder under my skin. Whatever was going on wasn’t good.
“Haven’t you figured out by now I know everything, son?”
I balked and felt my hands curl into fists that hurt at my sides. “Don’t.” My voice sounded like it was rattling through a bucket of rusty nails.
“What? This isn’t the family reunion you wanted? I was ready to offer you the entire world, and you spit on it. What kind of ungrateful bastard are you, Bax? Not one of my blood, that’s for sure.”
I tried to breathe through it, tried to get the pressure and the fury to go back in my gut, but they were pushing too hard and too fast to control. Before I could stop it, I lunged at him, ready to get my hands around his throat and never let him go. I was brought up short when Benny suddenly had the barrel of a gun shoved into my side. Novak shook his head and clicked his tongue at me.
“That’s always been your problem. You act without thinking, Bax. Really, it’s too bad. You have it in you to follow in your old man’s footsteps, to be even more ruthless than I ever was. I could have taught you how to be a legend.”
I felt the bile rise up and I reached down to shove Benny back. I wasn’t scared of him or of the gun.
“Be like you, Novak? I would rather die.”
His black eyes squinted at me. “That’s most definitely an option, son.”
“Stop saying that!” I was unhinged. My brain was going to break apart.
“I should’ve taken you from your mom the first time I saw you get behind the wheel of a car. You’ve always been able to make things run harder and faster than anyone else. I could have doubled the size of my empire on your back if you had been willing.”
“Willing to do what? Kill, maim, blackmail, extort, rape . . . I was already a thief, so what was pushing me just a little further, right? You wanted me to be tied to you in a way I could never escape, because blood was never thick enough to do it. I want to fucking kill you, but I won’t.” I let a breath out and felt my lungs deflate. “You can see what it feels like to sit in a cell and watch your life fade from one day to the other. It doesn’t matter what you do to me, Novak, but you, you’re done.”
He laughed and took a step closer to me. I shoved his hand away when he reached out to put it on my shoulder. I grunted when Benny cracked me over the back of the head with the butt of the gun. I felt the skin give and a trickle of blood work its way over my scalp and down into the collar of my shirt.
“The video? Come on, Bax, you know better than that. Do you really think I would have let Race live this entire time if I was scared of that video? Get real. Race is alive because of you, his sister is alive because of you, and your annoying cop brother is alive because of you, Bax. You get your stubbornness from my side of the family tree, but you get your foolish loyalty to those who care about you despite yourself from your drunk of a mother. My blood might not be enough of a motivating factor to keep you where I want you, but theirs is.”
Just then, a man in a patrolman’s uniform came down the hallway. Some of Novak’s muscle moved to the side and Benny walked over and squatted in front of Titus where he was forced to his knees by the hands of the obviously dirty other cop. His blue eyes were blazing as he looked up at the young cop standing behind him. I knew what it felt like to want to kill; I had no idea that my brother, in all his protecting of justice and what was right, was capable of that same kind of rage.
“Officer King, it’s been a long time.” Novak sounded so sure, so cocky about thinking he held all the cards. My jaw clenched shut as Titus’s gaze snapped from his betrayer to the city’s most feared criminal.
“How many dirty cops you got on the payroll, Novak?”
“Enough. How does it feel to be on your knees, in your own handcuffs, in front of me, Titus? Your mother sure knew how to foster illusions of false hope in you boys.”
Titus’s gaze swung to me and I felt my knuckles crack even harder as my fists turned into steel balls at my sides.
“Shut him the fuck up, Shane.”
We both swore as Benny got to his feet and used his knee to crack Titus’s jaw shut. My brother’s head snapped back at the impact and a spray of blood shot out of his mouth. I narrowed my eyes at Benny when he laughed as Titus groaned and let his head roll loosely on his shoulders.
“When I’m done with you, I’m going to make you wish the only bone I broke was your nose, asshole.” I made sure Benny knew it was a promise and not a threat.
Benny snickered and shoved Titus over onto his side with his foot.
“You always had a big head. You’re nothing special, Bax. If you weren’t his blood, you would’ve died in the joint just like every other worthless thief we’ve put there over the years. You always got a free pass and you should appreciate it.”
I cut a nasty look at Novak and motioned to Titus. “What’s that supposed to prove? He locked me up, let me rot for five years, just like you did. I owe him even less than I owe you. You think you’re going to drag him in here, threaten him, and I’m going to roll over and play nice? You don’t own me, Novak, and you never will. Kill him, I don’t give a shit.”
It was a lie, a bald-faced lie, but I refused to give Novak the upper hand. Blood was going to paint the Point in rivers of red, and as long as Novak was one of the ones bleeding at the end of the night, I didn’t—couldn’t—care about anything else.
Novak shook his head and moved around me so he was standing in front of Titus.
“You thought you had me, cop. Just like Race thought he had me five years ago. A legend doesn’t die that easy.”
Titus worked himself up into a sitting position and spit out a mouthful of blood.
“Good thing you’re just a man, then.”
“I am the man who runs this town. I’ve known what you had cooking up since the second Bax got out of prison. Race is a smart kid, but he’s just a kid and he doesn’t have what it takes to see things through to the end. Not like he does.” Novak hooked a thumb over his shoulder and I growled. I didn’t want this man’s admiration or praise in any way.
“So what now? You threaten Titus, you gloat that you knew about the video all along, you shoot us both? What’s the plan? Because only one of us is leaving this building still breathing.”
He laughed. “So arrogant. So sure of yourself. It’s a shame you had to waste all that passion behind bars for so long. It gave you too much time to think, broke down some of that armor living the life had built up around you.”
He lifted a hand and Nassir came around the side of the bar dragging a very unhappy, struggling redhead with him. I couldn’t look her in the eyes. This was the very thing I had been trying so hard to avoid.
“They shot Gus and Race.” Her voice broke, and out of the corner of my eye I saw her settle down and sort of just fold in on herself. “They hurt him so badly, Bax. I don’t think he was breathing.”
Nassir shoved her in Novak’s direction and I couldn’t stop myself from cringing when he grabbed her by her throat and shook her. I heard Benny laugh and it took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to murder him with my bare hands. He put his arm around my shoulders like we were pals and I went stiff. I finally clapped my gaze on Dovie’s and something inside me shattered into a million pieces that were sharp enough to make all of us bleed.
“She’s a fiery one. I can see why you like her so much.” Benny’s words landed heavy on the cement surrounding us and I could hear Dovie’s panicked breathing and my brother swearing and struggling, but I never took my eyes off of Novak.
He pulled a knife out of one of his pockets and the blade snicked out with a hiss that made fury boil so hot under my skin, I was surprised I wasn’t melting into the barren ground under my boots. Dovie’s green eyes widened a fraction and flicked from me to the blade. I wanted to scream at her that this is what my life looked like. This is what had ultimately been waiting around the bend for me, and for her, by association, because beyond all odds I cared for her . . . so much. I could see that knowledge and the power it gave him glowing out of the soulless pits of Novak’s eyes. If there ever was such a thing as bad blood, I was full to the brim with it because of this man . . . my father.
“What are you willing to do for the sister, Bax? You went to jail for the brother, defied me, walked away from all I had to offer you. Something tells me you would give anything for her to be safe.”
As long as I lived, as long as Dovie and even Race drew breath, Novak knew he would have a way to control me, a way to make me do whatever he wanted. Like a bolt of lightning from the sky, I realized the only way to take the power out of his hands was to eliminate what he desired. He was right that I would do anything to keep her safe, and there was only one option and for once it didn’t feel like making the hard choice at all.
I wasn’t a guy that could typically not see the forest for the trees, and right now all that glorious, gleaming green was all I could focus on. It was clear what had to happen. I either watched Novak torture and mutilate the one person in this world that had offered me love, kindness, and a second chance at being a redeemable human being . . . I either gave him the satisfaction of watching me suffer as he killed the only person I was ever going to love . . . or I took his power away. Men like Novak didn’t know what to do when they were stripped of control and I was hoping that was just enough to let Dovie get away from him. Novak’s obsession with having me under his thumb crossed over the border into insanity, and if I took that step, took away the one thing he wanted so desperately, I felt like it might just throw him off his game enough to buy my brother and my girl some time.
Sure, there was a good chance Dovie would end up dead after I destroyed the one thing Novak wanted more than power. But I told myself there was also a chance Titus could pull a trick rabbit out of his hat and get both himself and Dovie to safety. Either way, if I made the ultimate sacrifice, took away the prize that Novak was playing with such fragile and tender lives to win, I wouldn’t be around to see those I cared about fall at his hands, and that was a victory in itself. Not to mention I got to firmly fuck up his “own-Bax-forever plan” while doing it. I looked sideways at Benny, who was practically licking his lips in gory anticipation. I jerked my attention back to Novak when Dovie suddenly screeched in earsplitting pain. The razor-sharp edge of the gleaming knife looked so wrong against the pale expanse of her chest. The ruby-red trickle of blood that followed its journey made time stand still. I was not a man who believed in self-sacrifice, believed in the greater good, but for this young woman, for this good-hearted, strong, beautiful girl, I would give up everything. And I would make the world a better place in doing it. Even in a place like the Point, there could be too much bad, and with me out of the picture maybe that would level the playing field a little for the good people down in the trenches. People like Titus and Dovie. It wouldn’t be a sacrifice, it would be a courtesy.
I reached up and grabbed the arm Benny had tossed across my shoulders and pulled until I felt his elbow pop. Idiot. When he was screaming at me, I punched him as hard as I could in the kidneys and rammed my knee up hard under his chin, making his teeth snap together and blood start pouring out of his mouth. We struggled until I could get my hands on the gun he was gripping in his opposite hand. Novak was yelling, Dovie was crying, Titus was screaming at me to knock it off, and I knew there were no less than six or seven weapons pointed at me by the time I stood back upright. For good measure, while Benny was groaning and rolling around on the ground at my feet, I kicked him as hard as I could in the ribs.
Dovie was crying and scared, and I was going to make Novak pay for all of it. He narrowed his eyes at me and I watched as that fucking knife trailed the opposite path up the other side of her chest, making more blood and more rage.
“What are you going to do, son? I got your girl. I got your brother. I got Race and Gus. What moves do you think you have left? You think you can get a shot off before one of my guys shoots you where you stand?”
Dovie was crying so hard, the tracks of her tears were leaving trails through the blood that was now soaking the entire front of her chest. I wasn’t sure she could see me clearly, but I knew she heard me when I whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“Shane . . .” Her tone was broken and lost.
“Bax!” My brother, on the other hand, sounded furious and apparently understood me and my motivations way better than I ever thought he did. “Stop!”
I met my own dark eyes as I stared right at my father, right at the future that could have been mine if I had just been a little worse. I lifted the end of the gun I was holding loosely in my hand until it was resting snuggly under my chin. This was the only way out for a guy like me. You didn’t come from bad blood, live a bad life, do bad things, and get to go out as a hero. No guys like me went out making the last bad choice one could ever make and hoping those you left behind were somehow good enough to get out of the mess you left behind.
“What the fuck!” Novak sounded pissed, and Titus sounded like he was trying to take the entire bad-guy army on by himself.
“You want me so bad that no one is safe while I’m still around. Shooting you doesn’t make anything better for anyone, but this . . . this solves a lot of problems. Everyone is safe and eventually Titus will throw your ass in jail, old man. This means I win and you fucking lose.”
Novak narrowed his eyes and I kicked a groaning Benny once more for good measure.
“You won’t do it.”
I lifted an eyebrow and tried to ignore the way Dovie was screaming at me and struggling in Novak’s hold. She was bleeding everywhere and my brother’s voice cracked from the way he was yelling at me.
“For her, I will.”
Novak swore and looked at me and then down at Dovie. I don’t know what his next move was going to be, but the gun felt solid and real in my hand, and if that was what it was going to take to make sure she got the life she deserved, a good life, a chance to get away from this madness, then I would pull the trigger.
“Something is different about her, Novak.” Nassir was an asshole and I was going to make him bleed for bringing her here, but he had Novak pausing. “He’s not bluffing. He’ll pull the trigger for her.”
“No, no, no, no . . . Shane, no, please stop!”
That’s why I thought I was sure I could love her, could die for her. Even when things were the worst they could get, she was worried about me and not what this nightmare ultimately looked like for her.
“Please . . . you can’t do this to me.” She sounded so sad, so scared, but I knew an apology wasn’t going to cut it this time.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and cast a quick look over at my brother. He was on his knees, bleeding from all over his head and one eye was swollen shut, but he was still struggling with the two huge guys holding on to each of his arms. His eyes were locked on mine and I’m pretty sure he had tears mixing with the blood on his face—just like Dovie did.
“This is a mistake you can’t unmake, Shane.” I could barely hear him. I think he broke his voice screaming at me.
“It’s the only way out, for all of us. He’ll never stop. He’ll hurt anyone and everyone he can if he thinks it’ll get me to come to heel.”
“We won’t let him. I won’t let him.”
“Too late, Titus. Look at her. You think he let Race live, or Gus? You think that even if I agree to be put on his leash from here until eternity that he’ll let you and Dovie go? He’ll kill everyone that matters to me and make me watch. That blood will be on my hands forever. No, this ends here and now. He wants to break my world apart . . . well, I’m about to shatter his legacy into a million bloody pieces. He can have my blood on his hands forever.” I understood it now. I was Novak’s end game. I was where everything started and ended for him. Yanking me around, playing games with me . . . it was the only thing that brought him any kind of pleasure, and with me gone, with my life over, the game would end. Dovie, Titus, Race, and even my mom . . . they would cease to have any kind of value to Novak if I was no longer part of the equation.
I saw Novak shove Dovie away. She careened sideways and landed in a heap on her side next to where Nassir was standing. I wanted to rip his arms out of the sockets when he reached down to help her to her feet, but Novak was prowling toward me, that knife covered in Dovie’s blood flashing in his hand.
I took a deep breath, remembered the way her eyes flashed at me, the way she felt so new and so wholly mine, and flexed my finger on the trigger. Novak reached for me, Dovie screamed my name so loud I was sure I heard the sound of windows breaking, and just as I prepared to do the only thing I could think of to fix this situation forever, I was plowed into from the side like I’d gotten hit with a freight train. The gun in my hand went spiraling out across the naked concrete floor as I groaned and rolled over to look into the wild eyes of my older brother. He was dripping blood all over my face and I couldn’t even complain when he drew back his fist and punched me square in the mouth. There wasn’t a lot of force behind it, and just as I was about to ask what the hell was going on and how in the hell he had freed himself from his captors, a single gunshot echoed throughout the cavernous warehouse.
The acrid scent of gunpowder burned my nose as I rolled over at the same time Titus did. Both of us watched with frozen eyes as a bloom of wet, sticky blood spread steadily across the center of Novak’s shirt. He lifted shaking fingers to the wound and gave me one last look before slumping to the ground in an undignified heap.
Before anyone could react, there was suddenly a bright light filling up the room and the sound of more breaking glass.
“Nobody move! FBI!” I jumped to my feet before Titus could say anything and tackled Dovie to the ground much in the same way that he had done to me. I was immediately covered in her blood and could feel her shaking violently against my chest. I had to use all my strength to pry the hot metal of the gun out of her fingers. As soon as I did, she curled them in the material of my shirt. I looked over her head at Nassir, who had dropped on his knees next to us, with his hands behind his head, at the order of the black-clad SWAT team that was suddenly swarming all over the building. I narrowed my eyes at him in warning and he just gave his head a shake.
