Текст книги "Semper Fi"

Автор книги: Jane Harvey-Berrick

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Текущая страница: 22 (всего у книги 24 страниц)

“Well, you know what I’ve been doing,” she said calmly. “I want to know what all of you’ve been up to.”

Gradually the conversation began to flow: for them. They talked about people I didn’t know; bars and restaurants and galleries that I’d never been to; books I’d never even heard of, let alone read.

But then the thin one, Alice, turned to me.

“Lee says you were thinking about going back to school?”

“Um…”

“What are you interested in?”

Good fucking question.

“I was going to study Italian and English Lit,” I said, “but that kinda got interrupted.” I glanced at Caro, not sure how much she’d told her friends about how and when we’d met. “But I don’t know now.”

I sounded completely lame.

“Lee says you speak several Arab languages, too.”

“Plus French,” Caro added.

I ran a hand through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes. They were all staring at me, waiting for my reply. “Well, yeah,” I admitted. “I can speak Arabic, but I don’t read it well.”

“Could that be something for you?” Alice asked.

I shrugged. “I thought maybe I’d look into some paralegal studies. I’ve kinda been helping out a neighbor who’s got immigration problems.”

“You didn’t tell me about that idea, Sebastian,” Caro said, sounding surprised, but pleased.

“I haven’t decided anything yet, Caro, I’m still thinking about it.”

“Well, there’s plenty of time—you don’t have to decide now,” she said brightly—more for their benefit, I thought.

“No, I can just continue sponging off you,” I sneered.

There was an ugly silence, and I could have kicked myself for being such a douche. I mean, yeah, that’s what I really thought, but even I knew this wasn’t the time to bring it up.

Caro’s friends looked embarrassed. Good job, Hunter.

“Sebastian, no,” said Caro, sounding upset.

“It’s what all your friends are thinking, Caro,” I grit out, unable to stop once I’d started down that road. “I can see it in their eyes.”

“Don’t assume you know what I’m thinking,” snapped Jenna.

“I agree,” said Nicole evenly. “Because I was actually thinking that nearly dying in the service of your country earns you the right to have some time off—and if my friend is having as many orgasms as she says she is, you must be doing something right.”

What the actual fuck?

“Is that what she said?” I muttered, glancing over to Caro, before looking back at Nicole.

“I’m paraphrasing, of course,” she snipped, meeting my gaze.

I shrugged, amused that Caro was blushing. “She taught me everything I know.”

Jenna chuckled, and Alice laughed out loud.

“Don’t mind me,” Caro gasped, her face glowing beet red.

“Later, baby,” I said, taking her hand and grazing her knuckles with a kiss.

Then there was a knock at the door, and I don’t know who was more relieved—me or Caro.

“I’ll get it,” I said, pulling myself out of the chair and this time remembering my fucking walking stick.

I could still hear their conversation as I limped down the hall.

“You and I will be having words,” Caro hissed at her friend.

“Just telling him the way it is, Lee. He didn’t seem to mind: I don’t know, is he the kind of guy who keeps score, because I dated a musician once who used to make a note of my orgasms in his diary, not that he could even tell which ones were faked.”

“I’ve never faked one,” Caro said, sounding smug.

Good to know.

When I opened the door Atash was standing there, looking nervous.

“As-salaamu’ alaykum! Hey, Atash, how are you?”

I spoke in Dari, knowing that he still struggled with English. Besides, it felt good to remember that there were some things I could do.

“Blessed to be here,” he said. “I have some business to discuss with you.”

About time. We’d discussed the ‘business’ over a week ago.

“Of course. Please come in.”

He followed me inside while the three witches were cackling with Caro.

“You are still limping very much,” commented Atash as I led him through to the small kitchen.

I grunted because there was nothing else to say.

“I can get you more hashish,” he said, dropping his voice, even though no one else in the house could understand him. “From my brother-in-law. Good quality. Good price for my friend Sebastian. Very good for pain.”

“Yeah, man, that would be great. How much this time?”

“He sells for $25, but for you, $15.”

I nodded and pulled out my wallet and paid the man for four small bags. I’d have liked more, but I didn’t have the cash on me, and I knew that Caro definitely wouldn’t approve. But it helped—made me calmer, as well.

Atash grinned as he pocketed the money, then looked puzzled as I set the kettle to boil water for some of that fuck-awful sweet tea he liked.

“Sebastian, why are you making the tea when you have four wives to do it for you?”

I gaped at him then started laughing. I laughed so hard, I nearly bust a gut, and I definitely strained something in my bad shoulder, but fuck me! That was the funniest thing I’d heard in a long time. I mean yeah, I’d had some threesomes in the past, even a foursome once, but thinking of bedding Caro’s friends made my balls shrivel.

Atash stared at me as I tried to catch a breath.

“You are funny man,” he said, shaking his head.

“Back at ya,” I choked out, rubbing my chest.

He sighed and muttered, “American humor. Come by for the hashish tomorrow.”

I walked him out, still chuckling to myself.

“What was all that about?” Caro asked as soon as I shut the front door.

“Atash wanted to know if I needed some hashish,” I said casually, unable to resist pushing her buttons.

Jenna and Alice looked slightly shocked, and Nicole frowned.

“Excuse me?” Caro said sharply. “I hope you said no.”

I shrugged, not answering the question. “He said it’s good for pain.”

Caro stared at me, and I knew we’d be having a conversation about that in private.

“And what else?” she asked. “What aren’t you telling me, Hunter?”

I couldn’t help grinning at her when I answered.

“He was wondering why I was making the tea when I’ve got four wives to do it.”

Nicole snorted with laughter, and Caro’s mouth dropped open.

“Well, I hope you straightened him out! Sebastian?”

I grinned and winked at her. “I’ll put him straight, Caro. Eventually.”

Jenna started to laugh and then Nicole joined in. Soon all of them were laughing their asses off. Damn, it felt good to see Caro happy. I wanted to see her like that a lot more. Surely things would get better for us now? Wasn’t it our turn?

“You and I will have words later, Hunter,” Caro said, trying hard to sound mad. It wasn’t working.

“Looking forward to it, baby,” I replied, still grinning at her.

After Atash’s visit, we moved outside to sit in Caro’s backyard, enjoying the sun. I guess it was our backyard now, and I’d promised to plant some of that bougain– bougain– purple shit that we’d seen in Italy. I’d get around to it one day and surprise her.

We sat in plastic chairs, and my eyes automatically settled on Caro’s legs as she hitched her dress slightly higher and raised an eyebrow at me. Oh yeah, she knew just what I was thinking, and as soon as her friends left, I’d make her dreams come true.

I couldn’t help licking my lips.

“Oh, just stop it, you two,” Nicole groaned. “I haven’t been laid in months and you’re wafting all this sexual tension around. It’s so unfair.”

Alice laughed at her. “Lee got lucky—and it isn’t like she hasn’t put in more than her fair share of waiting over the years,” she pointed out. “Besides, I’ve decided to give up on men: I’m going down the B.O.B. route.”

I had no idea what she was talking about.

“Battery-operated boyfriend,” Caro whispered in my ear.

Well, why the fuck didn’t she just call it a vibrator?

I’d had a lot of fun using those on women in the past. I looked at Caro speculatively. I wondered if she’d like that? Hell, for all I knew, maybe she already had one. I made a mental note to ask her later.

It was interesting seeing her relax with her friends, seeing a different side to her. I kind of got what she meant now about wanting to spend time with them. I wanted to be her everything, but that wasn’t realistic. Probably.

“No offence, Sebastian,” continued Alice, “but men just take up too much energy. Or maybe it’s just the men I meet. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been at dinner parties and listened to them droning on about football, or fishing, or how damn important they are at work. One even gave me a blow-by-blow description of building a model airplane. I mean, come on!”

Jenna agreed.

“Although maybe it’s just men our age. We should do what Lee has done and find ourselves some younger guys.”

“I’d definitely recommend it,” Caro said, winking at me.

I smiled back. Worked for us.

“Well, I’m a bit out of practice now,” continued Alice, “I admit it, but food has some serious advantages over sex,”.

Caro laughed out loud, and Nicole told her she was talking bullshit.

“I’m serious!” she said, ticking off the points on her fingers. “Eating: you can do it every day, at least three times a day, with snacks in between; you can do it with as many people as you want, of any gender, and you don’t have to worry about their sexual orientation; there are more good recipes and restaurants than hot, available men around—and believe me, I’ve done some research on this; I’m not going to get pregnant or STDs by eating ice cream; and, best of all, even if you gorge yourself with different people every time, no one calls you a slut.”

“You’re just a food slut!” yelled Jenna.

“We should ask Sebastian’s opinion,” said Nicole. “Where do you stand on the whole food versus sex thing?”

“Nic,” said Caro in a warning voice.

I appreciated it, but I didn’t need Caro’s help to know how to handle women like Nicole.

“Caro’s a great cook,” I said, smiling at her suggestively. Then I whispered in her ear so no one else could hear, “but I think you feed me well because you know I’ll need my energy later.”

“Ugh!” shouted Jenna. “I know you just said something really hot. It’s so mean of him, Lee! Come on, you could at least tell us what he said.”

Caro shook her head. “Need to know basis, Jenna, and you don’t need to know.”

I grinned, enjoying Caro’s mild embarrassment. But I could also tell that she was relieved they didn’t get to me. They were kind of irritating, but they cared about Caro. I could live with that.

When Caro and Jenna went to bring out the food, Nicole sat down next to me, and I tensed up, waiting for the inquisition.

“So, how are you liking Long Beach?”

“Yeah, what I’ve seen of it. I like it.”

“Caro says you’re from the West Coast?”

“Yeah. I was brought up in San Diego.”

“I’ve been to California, but I never went that far south.”

She paused, and I wondered what she wanted me to say. I’d never had much tolerance for small talk, but now less than ever.

“Lee looks happy.” Her voice carried no emotion, and I couldn’t tell what she thought about that. “You, too.”

I shrugged, uncomfortable with the turn of conversation.

She smiled. At least I think it was a smile; maybe she had gas.

“Well, I’m glad for you. You’ve been through a lot—you both have.” Then she pinned me with a gaze. “But if you ever make her unhappy again, I’ll go Lorena Bobbit on your ass.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Noted.”

She grinned and winked at me. “I think we understand each other.”

Caro looked at her suspiciously when she returned, but Nicole started talking about a new café that had opened and how they should all visit it—girls day out. Guess I wasn’t invited.

After a couple of hours, I was getting tired. I was moving awkwardly and sitting on hard chairs for so long was fucking up my thigh. In fact, my entire leg felt like it was on fire.

“Why don’t you go take a nap, tesoro,” Caro suggested quietly. “We’ll just be yakking out here for a while. You’ve more than done your part.”

I didn’t like admitting defeat, but it was either go lie down, or take enough pain meds to knock me out.

“You don’t mind?”

“Of course not. Just take care of yourself and rest.”

I smiled, wanting to ease the concern I saw on her face. “Okay, but wake me up before they go?”

“You really want some more?” she asked, pretending to be shocked.

“They’re okay,” I grinned at her—and I meant it. “They really care about you, Caro. That’s all that matters.”

I muttered some apologies then shuffled inside. They started talking about me immediately—I guess they hadn’t realized that our bedroom window opened onto the yard.

Nicole weighed in first.

“Well, he’s even hotter in the flesh, Lee; hot-tempered, too.”

“Both are equally true,” Caro agreed.

“You guys look good together. I must admit I had my doubts, but it’s obvious he adores you. Hell, that’s as good a start as any.”

“He needs to find a new direction, Lee,” said Alice. “He’s not the kind of man who can just sit around.”

Wasn’t that the truth? But I had no clue what to do next—a few ideas maybe, but nothing solid. Part of the problem was that I’d been following orders for the last 10 years; now I was a free agent. It felt like jumping without a parachute: fucking scary.

I fell into an uneasy sleep as their voices drifted away. But having all these new thoughts rushing around my brain made me restless.

I was back in Afghanistan. I could feel the heat of the early sun on my face, the weight of my daypack and the M16 in my hand.

Then the guy in robes appeared, his face strained with fear.

“Those who disbelieve, theirs will be a severe torment; and those who believe in the Oneness of Allah and do righteous good deeds, theirs will be forgiveness and a great reward of Paradise.”

The script changed and his face turned hateful.

“And kill them wherever you find them…”

I was flying through the air, and my body was on fire but I couldn’t put the flames out, I couldn’t put them out … I was covered in blood … my blood … Chiv’s blood … I couldn’t put the flames out…

Caro was gripping me hard, screaming loudly. No. No, it wasn’t Caro who was screaming, it was me.

My body was soaked with sweat and I was shaking so badly, my teeth were rattling and I could hardly sit up. I clung to Caro with all my strength. Only her. She was the only one who could make it stop.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

My breath shuddered in my chest, my face pressed against her.

“It’s alright, Sebastian, it’s going to be alright, tesoro.”

“Fuck, Caro,” I gasped. “I keep seeing…”

“I know, baby, I know.”

I covered my eyes as if my shaking hands could hide me from the memories. And I knew her friends must have heard me. Disgust at my weakness made me burn with shame. So fucking weak.

“I can’t go out there, Caro. I can’t see them like this.”

“You don’t have to,” she said, stroking my hair. “Stay here, I’ll see them off. Two minutes, tesoro.”

She kissed me quickly and headed out of the room.

I sat on the edge of the bed, panting like I’d just run a marathon. My legs were weak and my whole body was trembling, but I made it to the shower, letting the hot water chase away the demons, even if it was just for a while.

I leaned against the tiles, my hands outstretched, and the water pouring over my head, the noise drowning out the screams I could still hear in my head.

Then the shower door opened and I felt Caro behind me. I turned to her and she wrapped her arms around me. Safe.

That night, she held me in our bed, never letting go. I felt humiliated that her friends had seen … or rather heard me like that, weak, vulnerable, pathetic.

Caro said it didn’t matter, but it mattered to me.

I hated feeling like this. I just wanted the nightmares to stop. I wondered if they ever would. Every time I thought I was getting better, that cold bitch fate reminded me that I couldn’t escape.

“My friends really liked you, Sebastian,” she said quietly. “And they think you’re hot. Should I be worried?”

“Fuck no,” I muttered into her hair.

She laughed gently. “They weren’t that bad.”

“They probably wonder what the fuck you’re doing with me.”

“Shhh, they know I love you and that you love me. Nothing else matters.”

I wanted that to be true, but it wasn’t.

“Well, I may have told them a little white lie,” she began.

“Yeah?”

“I told them that we were thinking of getting married on October 2nd—your 28th birthday.”

My eyes flashed open as I stared at her, hope burning a hole through my chest.

“Is that what you want, baby?”

“Only if you do,” she replied cautiously.

“Caro, I’ll marry you tomorrow, if you’ll have me.”

She smiled and ran her warm hands down my spine.

“We need to give our friends a little time to buy plane tickets—you said Ches was going to come?”

“Sure, okay. October 2nd. It’ll be the best fucking birthday ever.”

The next day I was in a foul mood.

I was still pissed that Caro’s friends had been around for my pathetic public meltdown. Caro said it didn’t matter; I said she was fucking dumb if she thought that. Yeah, not too smart of me. I thought she was going to throw something, but instead she stormed out of the house. Again.

I didn’t blame her. If I could have walked any distance, I’d have stormed out, as well.

She called my outbursts ‘emotional grenades’. I didn’t mean to take it out on her, but I guess she was the only person in the firing line.

I sighed and stared out the window for the fiftieth time since she left. I looked up and down the street, but I couldn’t see Caro. In fact the only person I could see was our neighbor, an elderly lady named Mrs. Levenson.

She was okay; talked a lot, but was nice enough.

I didn’t feel like talking today, so when she knocked on the door, I thought about ignoring her. Then I gave myself a swift kick in the nuts: since when was I such a pussy that I couldn’t even answer the fucking door to a grandma?

I limped over to the front door and pulled it open.

“Oh, Sebastian, good afternoon. How are you, young man? Still skinny, I see. That woman of yours needs to feed you up a bit more. If you were my boy I’d soon put some flesh on your bones.” Then she leaned over and slapped my stomach. “Hmm, some good muscles there. You need to eat more red meat.”

I looked at her in amusement. “May I help you with something, ma’am?”

“Ah, yes. Is Lee around?”

“No, ma’am, she went out. But I don’t think she’ll be much longer.”

She huffed a bit, then said, “Never mind, you’ll do. I’ve had this letter sitting in my house since Friday. Well, as you know, it was my grandson’s Bar mitzvah, so I’ve been staying with my son in Riverdale, he’s a doctor and…”

I zoned out for the rest. Mrs. Levenson never could use one word when fifty was more fun. She rattled out words like a submachine gun. Eventually she got to the point.

“…so this letter isn’t for me at all; it’s for Lee. Would you please make sure she gets it?”

When I assured her that I’d deliver the letter, she finally agreed that I could probably manage that task. Fuck me, they should send her to Afghanistan—the Taliban would run away screaming.

I noticed that the letter was from London, but I didn’t recognize the sender’s address. I laid it on the coffee table for Caro, then went back to staring out the window when a car pulled up. Jee-zus—her harpy friend, Nicole. It really wasn’t my day.

She got out of the car carrying what looked like a guitar case. Aw hell, I really hoped this wasn’t some sort of kumbaya intervention.

I opened the door reluctantly.

“Hello, jailbait,” she snarked.

“Hello, ball buster,” I replied, leaning against the doorframe.

She grinned at me, not at all concerned about what I’d called her.

“Where’s Lee?” she asked, pushing past me into the house.

“Out,” I said shortly, not interested in a conversation.

“Yeah? What did you do to piss her off this time?”

I sighed as she settled herself into a chair.

“The usual.”

She chuckled. “Our Lee is a little pocket rocket—must be her Italian blood. She’ll give you a run for your money, Hunter.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I griped, not really meaning it.

She waved a hand. “Well anyway, Lee told me you wanted to learn guitar. She thought it would be good therapy for the shoulder you got the crap shot out of. So this is for you.”

I stared at her as she pushed the guitar case toward me. I must have looked like a freakin’ idiot. I hadn’t mentioned anything about wanting to learn guitar—well, not for a long time. Certainly not recently—not since...

“Um, thanks?” I muttered awkwardly.

“No biggie,” she said, waving my words away. “I haven’t played since college. It’s a shame that it’s going to waste. Just promise me we won’t be singing campfire songs next time we all come over.”

She paused, her expression thoughtful as she stared me.

“I’ve never seen Lee like she is with you, but I do know that when she loves, it’s with her whole heart.”

It was fucking uncomfortable having a touchy-feely encounter with the ballbuster. Suddenly she laughed.

“Don’t look so nervous,” she smirked. “I’m done sharing now. Make me a damn coffee and we’ll call it quits.”

She stayed long enough to drink a cup of shitty decaff, pulling a face with every mouthful. I often felt like doing the same.

Eventually, she stood up to leave. “Take it easy, Hunter. Look after our girl, or you know what fate awaits you.”

“Yes, ma’am!” I said, and threw her a quick salute.

I guess she wasn’t so bad after all. For a ball buster.

When she’d gone, I took the guitar out of its case. It was really beautiful, a red cedar Spanish guitar. Expensive, by the look of it. But the case was covered in dust, so I guess Nicole had told the truth about not using it.

I ran a finger over the strings—it was out of tune and I had no idea what to do with it. I fired up my laptop and surfed a few pages on guitar for beginners. I managed to tune the mofo, but getting the fingers on my left hand to go where they were supposed to … yeah, hard work. The doc hadn’t been kidding when he’d said I’d lost fine motor function.

Irritated with myself, I lay the guitar back on the coffee table then heard the door open.

Caro walked into the hallway, her expression wary but defiant. I decided I needed to grovel some.

“I’m sorry, baby,” I said quickly, pulling her in for a hug and kissing her hair. “I know I’m being a dumbass.”

“That’s one of the words I had in mind,” she agreed softly

I smiled. “Yeah, I bet. Hey, I’ve got something to show you.”

I took her hand and tugged her into the living room.

“What’s that?” she asked, looking at the guitar.

“Your friend Nicole dropped by.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, apparently you told her I wanted to learn guitar. She said she didn’t need this, so she’s giving it to me. We talked for quite a long time—seeing as I’d pissed you off and you weren’t here…”

She arched an eyebrow.

“Nicole isn’t quite the ball-breaker you thought she was?”

“I didn’t say that … but she was … okay.”

“Praise indeed.”

“Yeah,” I, with a smile, then paused. “Baby, when did I tell you I wanted to play guitar?”

“Oh,” she said softly. “A long time ago. Ten years.”

I stared down at her, my soul filled with love for this amazing woman. I remembered. I remembered telling her ten years ago that I’d always wanted to learn guitar, but my parents would never let me take lessons. All this time, and she’d remembered.

“You take my breath away, Caro,” I whispered, hugging her tightly.

We stood there for several minutes, not speaking, not needing to speak.

Eventually, she took my hand and led me toward the sofa, but then she noticed the envelope.

“Oh, hey,” I said, recalling Mrs. Levenson’s visit. “You got mail.”

I reached over to pass her the envelope that I’d tossed onto the table.

“On a Sunday?”

“Yeah, it went to Mrs. Levenson’s house by mistake; she just got back from her grandson’s Bar mitzvah today and she brought it over.”

Caro turned the envelope over, looking at the sender’s address.

“It’s from England.”

Then she tore open the thick, parchment-type envelope and read the typewritten letter. She gasped with surprise.

“What is it, baby?”

She slumped against me and handed over the letter without speaking.

“Lawyers?”

I put my good arm around her shoulders and read through the pages.

When I’d finished, I set the letter down and pulled her against my chest.

Elizabeth ‘Liz’ Ashton, the scary British journalist that I’d met in Geneva and again in Kabul had left everything in her Will to Caro. Over $550,000.

“I didn’t know,” Caro whispered, looking upset. “She never said anything. I knew Liz didn’t have any family, but I never thought…”

“It’s a lot of money, baby. What are you going to do with it?”

She shook her head, still trying to process the information. I was pleased for her, but I couldn’t help thinking that any chance of balance in our relationship was totally shot. Caro was beautiful, talented, kind—and now rich, as well. And I was … nothing.

“Why did she leave it to me?” Caro asked, her voice puzzled. “We were friends, but … I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand, Caro? She loved you. Why do you always have a hard time realizing that, baby?”

She shrugged.

“This is good news,” I said encouragingly, stroking her hair.

And I really meant that. Caro deserved to have good things happen to her after everything she’d been through … what I’d put her through.

“Out of all of this shit, it’s something good,” I said quietly.

“I know. It’s just … so unexpected.”

I hesitated before speaking again. “It’ll pay off your mortgage,” I said tentatively. “You wouldn’t have to work overseas … if you didn’t want to…”

I knew I was being selfish, but I didn’t want Caro traveling for her work. I didn’t want her away from me—especially not if it meant going somewhere dangerous. And although neither of us had mentioned kids since we’d been together in Italy, she knew that I wanted them. I hoped she knew.

Shit, that would be a double whammy: I’d be home minding the fucking kids, and she’d be wearing Kevlar and ducking bullets. That shit just didn’t fly with me. I wanted … no … I needed her safe.

Caro didn’t reply to that. But what she did say stunned me.

“Anyway, it’s our money,” she said clearly.

I shook my head angrily.

“I’m not going to take your fucking money, Caro!”

Before my rant could catch fire, she placed her hand over my mouth, cutting me off cold.

“I mean it, Sebastian,” she said firmly. “Either we’re in this together or we’re not. If you won’t accept it, then I won’t accept it. I’ll give it to the Journalism Without Borders charity before I let this money come between us. You said yourself we deserved some good luck.”

I ran my hand through my hair in frustration.

“She didn’t even like me, Caro. There’s no way she’d want me to have anything to do with your inheritance. Hell, as far as she was concerned, I was just fucking you for something to do and…”

“You’re wrong. She knew all about us.”

Not expecting that.

Her comment set me back on my heels.

“She did?”

“Of course. I told her everything—and I told her we were going to get married.”

I leaned back and stared at her. “You told her? Everything?”

“Yes, tesoro.”

I scratched my eyebrow thoughtfully. “What did she say?”

Caro gave me a small smile. “She wanted to know if you were as good in bed as she’d heard.”

What the fuck?

“And what did you say?” I asked, almost afraid of the answer.

She pursed her lips and tried to look prim. Didn’t work.

“Nothing, of course … although…”

“Although what?”

“I may have winked at her.”

I smirked at her response, but then her expression became serious again.

“Sebastian, if it hadn’t been for me, you would have gone to college, gotten your degree…”

I started to object, but she cut me off again.

“We both know that’s true: well, here we are—I can pay off the mortgage, you can use the GI bill, go to college, get your degree, if that’s what you want.”

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling again the inequality of our situations. “It doesn’t feel right, Caro. Let me think about it.”

She looked irritated, but then took a deep breath and shook her head.

“Sebastian,” she said softly, “it’s time you decided what you want to do with your uniforms—and your medals.”

And the hits just keep on coming. I guess she thought that adding one more painful topic into the mix couldn’t make things any worse. But fuck! Why was this so hard to think about?

She was right. I knew she was right, but I felt blindsided by her sudden suggestion. She met my gaze unwaveringly; I could tell she’d been thinking about this for a while.

I licked my lips and fought back the cold feeling that trickled down my spine.

“Okay. Let’s do it,” I said at last.

She nodded and gave me an encouraging smile. Then she took my hand as we walked into the guest room. I leaned against the doorframe, my arms folded tightly while Caro pulled out my sea-bag and backpack from under the bed.

I swallowed several times as she unpacked everything. The Blues and my Service Uniform were creased to hell and looked like shit. There was no sign of my Utility Uniform—they probably had to cut me out of it in the hospital.

It was a total mind-fuck—I couldn’t carry on looking at these reminders of a life that wasn’t mine anymore.

“Get rid of them, Caro. I don’t want to see them again.”

“And the medals?” she asked quietly.

My Service Uniform had the usual ribbons and medals: Afghanistan Campaign Medal, Marine Commendation Medal, Meritorious Service Medal, Navy and Marine Corps Overseas Service Ribbon, National Defense Service Medal, Defense Meritorious Service Medal, and a Navy and Marine Corps Medal. Blah, blah, blah. I hadn’t even looked at the Purple Heart, still in its presentation box. Wounded in action—too fucking right.

I took another deep breath and opened the box, running my fingers over the embossed words, ‘For military merit’.

“Do what you want with them,” I said, snapping the box shut. “I don’t want to see them. Ever.”

Caro’s reply was careful.

“You don’t want to save them to … maybe … show our children … if…”

Did she really just say that? Children?

I looked up, afraid to believe that she’d really said that. “You … you’d try?”

“Yes, Sebastian,” she said, smiling softly. “We will try.”

I let out a shout of pure happiness then scooped her up, twirling her around.

“Let’s start trying right now,” I breathed out against her skin, feeling my dick stiffen immediately.

“I’m still on the pill!” she laughed.

“Doesn’t matter,” I murmured into her neck. “I want to practice.”

She didn’t argue, instead kissing me hard as I walked her backward into our bedroom.