Текст книги "Pandora's Daughter "

Автор книги: Iris Johansen

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CHAPTER FOUR

DAMMIT, HE HADN'T LEFT HER WITH anything, Grady thought bitterly, as he moved toward the living room. That's right, strip her down, and then apply the whip.

No, that wasn't right. He hadn't told her everything. He had merely prepared the way to the path of thorns ahead.

"Well?" Phillip looked up when he walked into the living room. "How did she take it?"

"Exactly how you'd expect her to take it." He went to the window and looked out at the garden. "She accused me of being a nutcase. She's fighting tooth and nail to crawl into a hole and bury her head."

"I'm not surprised." He paused. "Did you tell her she could be a Pandora?"

"No, I told her she was a Listener. That was heavy enough for her to handle."

"It could be true that's all she is."

Grady hoped he was right. He had been able to keep any objectivity until he'd gone into that bedroom today. Through all the punishment he'd handed Megan, she had displayed a courage and stamina that had touched him in a way that had nothing to do with pity. He had hurt her but not brought her down. He had wanted to ease her pain, but it was pain that was going to goad her to do what he wanted her to do. "And I didn't tell her about Molino or the Ledger. She's having enough trouble accepting the truth about her mother." He glanced at Phillip. "And you."

"You told her about me? Thanks a lot, Grady. Couldn't it have waited? Dammit, I'm her best friend."

"No more lies. It's time to clear the slate."

"Even if it leaves her out there alone."

Grady nodded. "I put her in a cocoon and wrapped her in a tangle of lies for twelve years. She has to come out and face the truth." He headed for the door. "Now get in there and help her. She's hurting."

"Thanks to you."

"Do you expect me to deny it?" he asked roughly. "Of course, I did it. I'd do it again." He slammed the door behind him and ran down the porch steps. He needed to get away from Megan Blair and Phillip and all the pain he'd visited on both of them. It didn't matter that he thought it necessary. Sometimes doing what was necessary sucked big-time. He wanted to be the one to go back in that bedroom and give Megan comfort and hope. He wanted to hold her hand and tell her that he'd keep all her personal demons at bay.

He couldn't do it. A threat was also a goad and he might have to use it. Let Phillip save the princess in distress.

Grady was used to being the Black Knight.

"MAY I COME IN?" Phillip asked quietly. "If you like, I'll come back later."

"Why?" Megan sat up in bed. "Would it make what you're going to say any more palatable?"

"No." He closed the door. "Lies are always dirty and this one has been sticking in my throat for years. I'm glad it's out in the open." He sat down in the chair beside her bed. "You look like hell. Can I get you something?"

Her lips twisted. "Maybe another cozy, hot chocolate? Don't bother. You don't have to play that game any longer."

"It was no game," he said gently. "It was my pleasure. I treasured those times together."

She felt a melting inside her. No, she couldn't let herself soften toward him. He'd betrayed her. "He said he paid you. Is it true?"

"Yes, I had to live until I could get myself established here. But that wasn't why I did it. I wanted to help you, Megan."

"Yeah, sure."

"Look at me. I know you're feeling confused and hurt and alone." His hand closed on hers. "You're not alone. I'm here for you. I care for you. If I had a daughter, I couldn't love her more. I wish you were my daughter." He paused. "I know how much you're hurting. I'm hurting too."

He was telling the truth. She could feel his sorrow and pain. She tried to ignore it.

It was impossible. This was Phillip. She couldn't let him remain unhappy. But she also couldn't let what he had done slide. "It was wrong, Phillip. You shouldn't have done it."

"If I hadn't gone along with Grady, he would have gotten someone else. He gave me a chance to back out. He told me to go to the funeral and meet you. If I didn't feel I could help you, I could just walk away." He smiled. "But he knew he'd have me as soon as I saw you. You were standing there at the grave, bewildered, and hurt and trying to be brave. It wasn't a question of whether I wanted to help you, but how I could do it. But it turned out that was so easy. We meshed and became a family. So I let Grady do his slight of hand with forging documents and making me seem legitimate." His smile faded. "Don't back away. Don't take my family away from me, Megan."

She felt the tears well. "How do I know that you're not just doing what Grady would want you to do? He seems to be—I don't know what he seems to be. He told me—He said I'm some kind of freak."

"I'm sure he never used that word. That would be the pot calling the kettle black."

She stiffened. "But you're not arguing with the concept, are you? For heaven's sake, Phillip. I'm not—I've never done anything weird in my life. You know that's true."

"Not as long as I've known you." He paused. "And it's not what you've done, but what you are. Just being a Listener has made you a victim. Sometimes it happens that way."

She stared at him incredulously. "You actually believe that hog-wash?"

"I have to believe it. My wife, Nora, was a Listener."

"Your wife?"

"She died a few years before I came to you. That's why Grady knew I'd help you." He shook his head. "Though you've had it easy compared to Nora. Grady has been helping you. I couldn't help my wife. I didn't even know there were people who could ease her." His face lit with a luminous smile. "I wish you could have known my Nora. You're a lot alike. She always moved at the speed of light and was into everything. And loving... Lord, she was loving. She was the gentlest, sweetest woman on the face of the earth. We'd been married twelve years before she started hearing the voices and then it was very seldom. We could ignore it." His smile vanished. "Then the nightmares started and the voices surrounded her all the time. She thought she was going crazy. Therapy didn't help. She begged me to put her away someplace and leave her. I fought her for another three years before she made her first suicide attempt."

"Suicide," Megan repeated numbly.

He nodded. "She won. I committed her and she spent five years in a psychiatric hospital before Grady appeared on my doorstep. We took her out of the asylum and she was happy and normal for the last years of her life. I owe him."

"Asylum," she whispered. "I'm not crazy, Phillip."

"No, you're not. But you're terrified because that's what your mother hinted to you all your life."

"My mother loved me. She was my friend. She was wonderful, dammit."

"I'm not arguing. I didn't know her. Grady said she was... exceptional."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Don't be defensive with me. Take it up with Grady."

"I don't want to take it up with Grady. I'm not even sure he'd tell me the truth if I asked him." Her hand involuntarily clenched on Phillip's. "He was—I don't like what he did to me. Who the hell is he?"

"He didn't lie to you. His name is Neal Grady. He said you spent an entire summer with him so you probably know him better than I do."

Neal throwing back his dark head and laughing at something Sarah had said.

Neal sitting still on a dune, his arms linked around his knees, watching Megan as she waded in the surf.

"Good Lord, you can't keep your eyes off him, can you?" Her mothers voice teasing her. "I believe you have a crush on our Neal. Oh, don't worry, I won't tell him." Her smile faded. "Don't like him too much, baby. I know he's been a wonderful playmate this summer but he's not really young like you. He's been through too much. When I first met him, I was feeling very maternal toward him. Then, as we became friends, I felt as if he was like Merlin and aging backwards."

"That's silly, Mama."

"I guess so." She smiled. "But it's rude of you to point it out when I'm trying to be deep and profound."

Yes, she had thought she knew Neal Grady, Megan thought. But she had seen him through a lonely adolescent's eyes and she had been blind to everything but what she wanted to see. "I didn't really know anything about him. When he showed up that summer, my mother said she'd met him before, but she didn't mention where. He didn't seem... he was like anyone else." She repeated, "Who is he? Stop dodging, Phillip."

"I'm not dodging. I'm gathering my thoughts. I'll tell you what I know about him. He was born and raised in the ghettos of New Orleans. He was recruited by the military when he was sixteen and eventually sent to work with a Special Forces unit." He grimaced. "When he wasn't slaughtering off the supposed bad guys, he was acting as consultant."

"Consultant?"

"Our government has had psychic programs in place for decades. So have the Russians and several European countries. They're not talked about but they definitely exist. The CIA has been been using them more and more frequently in recent years. In some Delta units, they sometimes have someone with special sensitivity; mind reading, precognition, controllers. Any talent that can give them an edge. A talent like Grady must have seemed like a gift sent from heaven to them."

"Why? What talent is he supposed to have?"

He shrugged. "I don't know everything he can do. I think with some people he can blur reality, cause memory loss, control the thought process. I do know he acted as buffer for my wife and kept her sane. After your mother died he cut his ties with the military and started working with a Psychic Investigative Group at a think tank in Virginia, headed by Michael Travis."

She shook her head in disbelief. "More crackpots."

"No, genuine psychics. I made Grady take me there to check it out before I trusted him enough to let him help Nora. I'm not gullible and I was very impressed. I expected a bunch of crooks and charlatans. I found something that opened my eyes to a new world." He made a face. "And it scared the hell out of me. It took me a week to get over it and decide to let Grady help my wife."

"You're saying he's some kind of psychic do-gooder going around and turning water into wine?"

"No, I'm saying Grady occasionally helps out in special cases. His main focus is in another direction."

"What direction?"

He shrugged. "I believe he's searching for something. Ask him about it."

"Would he tell me?"

"Yes." His lips tightened. "I'm quite sure he'll tell you all about it." She was silent a moment. "You don't trust him."

"I trusted him with Nora. I don't know if I'd trust him with you. The situation is different."

"You don't have to trust me with him. I'm not a child. I'm the one to make the decision." She wearily shook a head. "And I don't know what to think. It's all crazy. If I believe you, then I have to believe what Grady told me." She whispered, "I don't want to do that, Phillip."

"I know." He squeezed her hand and then released it. "But you've always faced up to even the hardest facts. This is just another one." He smiled. "Well, I suppose that's an understatement."

"I suppose," she repeated ironically. She looked away from him. "It's not bullshit, Phillip?"

"I can't blame you for doubting. No one was a bigger doubter than me." He paused. "I don't understand it, but it's not bullshit. I swear to you, Megan."

"I don't want it," she said fiercely. "I'd almost rather be nuts than a freak. How do I get rid of it?"

"You don't. You learn to live with it." He released her hand and stood up. "It's the only way to survive."

"You don't know that. You're not a freak. You probably only know what Grady told you."

"I did research on my own too. Nora was too important to me to trust anyone's word without checking."

She had hurt him again. She was filled with anger and frustration, but she shouldn't take it out on Phillip. "I'm sorry. I'm just—" She reached out and took his hand and put it against her cheek. "It's not you. I just want to wake up tomorrow and have this be a nightmare."

"I know," he said gently. "I want that for you too. But I can't make it happen. The only thing I can tell you is that I'll be here for you. I won't let Grady have it all his own way."

"Why did he come back? I was getting along just fine. I don't want him in my life."

"You were getting along just fine because he was running interference for you …just as he did with

Nora."

"I won't be dependent on him. God, I felt helpless. He was able to hurt me, bend me. It was like being a cripple. I've got to do something."

"I can't help you there, Megan. I'm afraid you're on your own." He patted her cheek before stepping back. "But you've never been shy about taking the initiative. I'll enjoy watching you work it out."

She suddenly remembered something else that had been lost in the shock and confusion. "Grady said he needed me to help him. Help him do what?"

"I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. Grady can be patient but not in these circumstances."

She watched Phillip move toward the door. When he had come into the room, she had been filled with hurt and anger and a feeling of isolation. Yet it had only taken a short time for her to come to terms with this new place Phillip was occupying in her life. It was a strange and bizarre role, but Phillip himself had not changed. He was still her friend. She still loved him with all her heart. As long as he stood by her, she was not alone.

He would stand with her against Grady.

She suddenly stiffened as she realized what she was thinking. She was relying on Phillip as she had all these years. Grady had given him that role and she had nestled close to Phillip like a child in the dark.

Well, she was no longer a child. She was an adult who had fought her way to become a doctor. Grady had said her mother had lied to her and perhaps she had. She didn't know about that any longer. And Phillip had said that she was as dependent on Grady as his wife to keep the voices away, to keep her sanity intact. But she would never know that until she stood alone without Phillip or Grady to help her.

If Grady would let her stand alone. She had a hideous memory of him letting those voices bombarding her.

Letting. Not, making them attack her. If what he'd told her was true, then he could only leash those voices, not set them to ravage her. She was the only one who could stop or control them. If her mother had been able to do it, then Megan should also have that ability.

Maybe.

She closed her eyes as panic jolted through her at the thought of trying to harness that horror. She wanted to curl back up in a ball as she'd done when she'd come into this bedroom this afternoon.

Stop being a coward, she thought with disgust. You don't even know if all this psychic bullshit is true, yet you're already cringing. Find out what's truth and what's manipulation. Grady had said he was only releasing partial control of the voices and that might also mean her memories were being filtered by him. She had to take that power back from him.

She couldn't live like this. She had to know if her mother had been murdered as Grady claimed. She couldn't bear the thought of never really knowing whether she was a mental case or not. She couldn't stand the thought of being under Grady's thumb.

And she couldn't let those damn voices rule her life.

She threw the cover aside and jumped out of bed. Get dressed. Stop shaking. You know what you have to do.

You know where you have to go.

PANIC!

Grady jerked upright in the chair at his computer as he felt Megan's jarring terror. What the hell.

His cell phone rang. Phillip.

He picked up the phone. "Dammit, what's happening, Phillip?"

"You tell me," he said curtly. "She's gone."

"Where?"

"I don't know. I heard a car starting and I ran down to check it out. My Camry was gone and so was Megan. Molino?"

"Possibly." No, the fear Megan was feeling wasn't focused on a person. "I don't think so. But she's scared almost witless about something."

"You? She said she felt helpless and didn't like the idea of you being able to call the shots."

"She was angry with me, not afraid."

"Then why did she run? She was okay with me when I left her. Dammit, all that psychic crap you're supposed to have and you can't even use it when you need it?"

"I told you I wasn't a mind reader. Occasionally, I get a drifting ribbon of thought but I can't—"

"Then how can we find her?"

"I don't need to be a mind reader to be in contact with Megan. Her every emotion is screaming and I may be able to get a fix on her. We've been together mentally for twelve years and she'd broadcasting loud and clear."

"Then where is she going?"

"It's not that easy. I can feel her, so I may be able to track her but otherwise I'm as blind as you are." He got up from his chair. "And I don't have time to argue with you. I'll pick you up in fifteen minutes. We have to go after her. I may need you along to act as buffer when I find her. If she's not afraid of Molino yet, she may be soon. I'd bet your house was being watched tonight at the time she left."

Phillip muttered a curse. "I'll be waiting." He hung up.

Grady grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. The terror Megan was feeling was increasing every minute. He could feel the tension, the cold chill that was attacking her every limb.

DEAR GOD, SHE WAS cold, Megan thought.

She clenched her hands on the steering wheel to keep them from shaking. Take deep breaths and don't think of what she was going to do when she reached her destination.

Think of something pleasant, something happy.

She hadn't realized until this minute how difficult it was to zero in on something carefree and pleasant in her life. Since her mother had died everything had been all work and duty.

Davy.

Davy running, Davy begging her to ride the elephant, Davy smiling at her. Yes, she could hold the fear at bay if she could just keep thinking of Davy.

"WHERE IS SHE?" PHILLIP ASKED THROUGH set teeth. "You've been driving around for the last hour."

"Shut up, Phillip." Grady was just as on edge. "If I knew, I'd be—She's calmer. She's not as frightened. I can't locate her, blast it."

"And what if Molino finds her first? You said he probably had a tail on—" Oh, God, I don't want to do this.

"East." Grady interrupted, stomping on the accelerator. "Somewhere near the Carolina border. She doesn't like where she is. It's scaring her."

"Carolina?" Phillip turned to look at Grady. "Why should she—" He broke off. "The cottage where her mother died?"

"No," he said grimly. "That wouldn't scare her. She's going to the cave."

"Why?"

"Why do you think? It's the place her mother sent her that last day. Maybe she believes that it's safer for her."

"Safer?"

Grady was cursing softly. "The damn woman is going to issue an invitation."

It's not safer, Megan. Don't do it. Let me help you.

He couldn't reach her. She was too focused on what she was doing.

"Invitation?"

"She's going to let in the voices."

"No," Phillip whispered. "It'll be like Nora. She'll go crazy. Stop her."

"I can't stop her. She's too damn strong. She's fighting me as much as she's fighting the voices. I can't help her. Maybe once I reach her I can do something."

"If it's not too late," Phillip said dully. "Nora tried to commit suicide three times before I finally had her committed and she'd lived with her voices for years. Facing that kind of trauma with no preparation is—"

"Stop talking about it," Grady said roughly. "I know what could happen. But Megan's mother survived without anyone to help her. Maybe Megan will be able to—" He shook his head. "I don't know what she's able to do. We have to get to her."

HE'D LOST HER, DARNELL THOUGHT with annoyance, as he saw Megan Blair's Camry parked on the beach. She wasn't in the car and nowhere in sight. He'd been afraid to get too close while he was following her. She'd proved to be a little too sharp when he'd tried to run her off the highway. He'd seen her pull off the road a few minutes ago and drive toward the beach. He'd parked his truck behind a deserted hot dog stand near the road and walked down.

Had she gone into one of the beach cottages? There were no lights on in any of them. He couldn't barge in and search for her.

He glanced at the surf rushing against the shore several yards away. Drowning could be accidental or suicidal. Either way it would be a convenient method of disposal.

Why try to stalk her? She would come back for her car.

And he would be waiting.

TWELVE YEARS.

She didn't want to walk into that cave.

Stop shaking. Do it.

So many times she had come here with her mother during those years they'd lived on the beach, but she could only remember running up the hill that last time.

She sank to her knees and huddled against the cold stone.

I'm here, Mama.

But Mama wasn't here. No one was here but Megan. And perhaps the voices.

Did you lie to me, Mama?

Okay, let's see if I can find out. How do I do it?

Relax. Open your mind. Let's see what happens.

Voices. Shrieks. Pain.

She flinched and tried to back away.

No. Face it. See what's there. Force yourself.

Her teeth bit into her lower lip until she tasted blood.

Babble.

It seemed to go on forever.

I can't understand. I can't understand. I can't understand.

Voices. Pain. Indistinguishable echoes.

She whimpered and buried her head in her arm.

No, not completely indistinguishable. One voice stronger than the others, a man's angry voice. "Slut. Whore. My own brother.

"No, Hiram. Stay away from me. Don't push me. We didn't—

A woman's long, drawn out scream...

And the babble returned.

"My baby. My little John. Don't leave me."

Babble.

"It's your child, you bastard. Don't you walk away from me because you're one of the high and mighty Pearsalls. I'll tell everyone that you."

Gone again.

Babble.

She could feel the tears run down her cheeks.

Go away. I don't want to hear your pain. There's nothing I can do about it, dammit. Voices. Pushing, stabbing, suffocating her.

Anger flared through her. "Go away. I'm not going to let you do this to me. I won't have it." The voices vanished.

She gasped in shock. Is that all it took? Anger channeled, aimed, to ward off that bombardment?

Dammit, she was wrong; she could still hear them.

No, it wasn't a voice.

Mama, don't go away. Don't leave me.

Not …Pandora.

Neal standing in the doorway.

Blood spurting from that throat as his knife slit across it.

Mama.

Death.

"No!" She jumped to her feet and ran out of the cave.

"Megan!"

Grady.

Panic tore through her. She pushed past him and darted down the path.

"Megan, I'm not going to hurt you. God, I didn't think you'd get that far on your own or I would have told you everything myself. You shouldn't have been able to do it." He started after her. "I wouldn't have left you alone if I'd thought—"

"Stay away." Her voice was shaking. "Stay away from me."

"No way." He was beside her, reaching for her arm.

She drove her fist into his stomach, whirled, and kept running.

He was behind her, gaining on her. "Megan, I'm not trying to hurt—"

"Blood. Death. I could see it. You killed her."

"Not your mother. Dammit, okay, I killed someone that night, but it wasn't your mother. It was the son of a bitch who murdered her. Let me talk to you. Oh, to hell with it." He tackled her and brought her to the ground.

She fought frantically but he was on top of her, holding her down. She glared up at him. "You killed her."

"No, I told you the truth."

"You killed her and you were going to kill me."

"That's what you were thinking that night, but that doesn't make it the truth. You were out of your head." His voice vibrated with intensity. "I didn't do it. The man who you saw down by the pines killed her. She tried to lead him away from you. He caught her and he killed her."

"No." She tried to free her arms. "I don't want to—" She closed her eyes. "I shouldn't have let her go. I knew something was wrong. I should have stayed with her."

"You couldn't have saved her and you would have robbed her of her chance to save you."

"From you."

"No, you're not believing that any longer." He swung off her and stood up. "It's not good to be out in the open like this. Let's get back to your car. Phillip is waiting for us."

She opened her eyes and glared up at him. "I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Yes, you are. Even if I have to carry you."

He would do it. She slowly got to her feet.

"Good. Let's go."

She shook her head. "Leave me alone."

"I can't do that. From now on we're joined at the hip." His lips tightened grimly. "I almost lost you the other night when you were forced down that embankment. I've invested too much in you to let you get blown away. Let's get back to Phillip."

Anger and frustration seared through her. He was right. She didn't know what to believe any longer. She wanted to hit out at something, someone. It would be an exercise in futility to strike out at Grady. She'd already found out how strong he could be. Better to save her own strength until she could make it count.

She turned on her heel and strode down the path that led to the beach.